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deviatesfish
September 19th, 2011, 10:01 AM
Enter the alternate universe, in the infinity of the multiverse, where...

...One Dead End was not really a dead end, but the beginning of a grand, new adventure!


ZELRETCH HERO PROJECT





Chapter 1
Part 1
Part 2 (http://forums.nrvnqsr.com/showthread.php/1058-Zelretch-Hero-Project-%28F-SN-x-Tiger-Bunny%29?p=350051&viewfull=1#post350051)


Notes: For Froggie. Also, Mereo, I think I'm doing this wrong. Please halp!

Anyway, this is just the first scene. I kinda made it unfunny on accident! Halp, Mereo-sensei!


-]|I|[-


I know pain as well as I would know any of my family members. No, that statement isn’t entirely correct. Let me rephrase it. I know pain better than I would know any of my family members. Pain is a close friend, a hated foe, and an ever present rival but…

…Father used to say… what was it that Father used to say about pain and being a magus? I can’t seem to remember it anymore. Everything is far too distant, too foggy, for me to pull out of my consciousness…

…Ah, what am I doing?!

I snap out of it.

This is no time to fall into a trance of nostalgic reverie. The stormy visage of my ultimate foe pierced the veil of darkness, staring at me through a wall of blackness. The abyss of shadow stared at me and I stared back at it unblinkingly, resolute. Or am I in the abyss, staring out at the King of Heroes, trying to pull him towards me?

That’s right—

—I am about to die. I am about to die. If I’m going to die either way, I can’t let him escape. I won’t let him escape!

He must have said something, shouted some kind of epithet, but I can no longer think. The howling of the world and all its hunger, rage, and sorrow swirls around me. My mind is focused on the task at hand. There is only one route.

I wrap this unbreakable chain around my arm. Its heated, yet cold surface no longer has any effect on me. My skin cannot feel it anymore. My mind cannot feel it anymore.

My adversary is growling something now. His head, half submerged in darkness; I can still see his angry, red eyes, glaring at me for all his hatred.

…heh.

I grab onto the chains so that it won’t let me go.

“No way! Don’t come out into this world again…!”

It is nigh impossible to resist.

So I don’t.

I don’t resist the pull; I throw myself into the void.

He calls me insane. He calls me a fool. But who is he, but someone who follows an insane fool into the abyss?

The blood red walls, or whatever they are, melt into blackness. I cannot see clearly now; everything everywhere is a blur, a flash. There must be something wrong with my eyes. Nothing makes sense…

I roll down…

…I am melting. My body melts away into this sea of crawling chaos. I am falling, for an eternity. Then, I can no longer feel the fall anymore, because I am in an eternal darkness. I am the eternal darkness.

The howls, the sounds, they overwhelm my mind.

They assault me from all sides. Not just the mind, nothing so simple. A black mud… it melts my skin, shaves my flesh, and removes my bones. I am but one in the infinite voices crying out, for this…

This…

The body is gone. The soul that was once me, is…

Am I still falling? I am staring to feel like I am going up…

I am swallowed by a black sun, into that abyss…

…Oof!

“Ow…” I rub my head. My head? My fingers, those rough, worn, human fingers run against my head.

The sounds are the first to enter my perception. From all sides, I hear the sounds of the city. I hear the blaringly loud artificial sounds of a city, like the sounds of modern automobiles honking and revving. The thousand sounds of human voices attack my eardrums like a thousand needles, each with their distinct flavor, some deep, some high, some powerful, and others soft. Then there come the sounds of vibrations and clashes, the sounds of modern machinery. I recognize many of them. I hear washing machines churning away, I hear watches beeping in alarm, and I hear fans whirling away.

Yet I also hear many sounds I have never heard before in my life, soft and loud sounds of gadgets I have never thought existed. My mind automatically tries to analyze them, but they are so complex… so far beyond me.

I feel a soft wind blowing against my face. This is a cool breeze, one that comes only during the night. Wasn’t I melting just moments ago? I wonder what happened. The feeling of my nerves, somehow fresh and new, sends a bolt of electricity through me. I can feel my body.

I…

I can feel the cool heat of the moonlight on my eyelids. It was difficult to comprehend that I was dying, a moment before. Was it really moments? I fell for so long… what happened?

I test my feet slowly. They are steady, and I can feel the full force of gravity upon my being. I have never been so thankful to be anchored to the ground…

“Mm…”

Next, my sense of taste comes to me like a blast of fire in my mouth. I taste a tang of iron throughout my mouth, the familiar taste of blood and bile. Through all my battles and all the different conflicts that I had faced, the taste of my life blood has come to be a close companion.

Finally, I opened my eyes.

I am shocked.

What is going on here…?! This is the city!

I see the flash of a hundred different iridescent colors; pinks, yellows, greens and blues mixing at a speed that left them blurs, like beams of light flashing all around me. Cars drive pass without a second notice, and everything seems so…

…different.

Is this what the Grail produced? Or…?

I’m not the kind of guy who has who will just lie down, especially now. Whatever happened has already happened. I am not the kind of guy who would just take this sitting down. I have to find Gilgamesh. If I… survived… somehow, then he must have too. It would be too preposterous for a human to survive something that a Servant cannot…!

This feeling is strange. The feeling of not falling is strange. And so is the feeling of having bones, flesh and skin. This is the feeling of being whole and alive.

I look down at my hands, finding it strange that I am so… whole. These hands hold nothing, but I can feel blood and steel within them. I can feel…

An impossibly loud explosion splits my thoughts. I hear metal rending and glass shattering. I hear shrieks of fear. Fear… how is it that I am able to sense so clearly the negative emotions of humanity? I seem so familiar with these… I feel like I can touch the violence in the air.

Without a second thought, I dash out of the darkness and into the city lights. Out of the alley, I see the city in a clearer light. It is even stranger, more different than I thought. But all the differences are at the back of my mind. There is only the need of the fearful at the forefront of my thoughts. Someone is in need of aide, and someone is causing others pain.

The scene of the crime wasn’t far. It was only a few blocks away. I ran there, not pausing and never regretting. This is no time to think of my own predicament, not when I see so clearly in the night sky, the plumes of black smoke accompanied by a great ember.

A wreckage of destroyed cars, many models I have never seen before, crackles around me. Flames, byproducts of crushed metal and exploding engines, roar to life all around me. There is an armor vehicle at the center of it all, untouched by the utter scene of destruction. It sits pristine surrounded by fire. I stop only a few meters away, panting. I did not need to pant; I was not even short of breath. This heavy breathing makes me think that my body has been altered, but I have no time to think upon such things.

I don’t feel anything for the flames. I am made of swords…

My eyebrows furrow in that minute confusion, before I shake my thoughts away. There are people in need.

There is a large banking facility before me with its entrance blocked by the massive armored van. The van sports a double-barrel cannon that I have never seen before on top. It is most likely what destroyed the cars? Why?

…I don’t understand.

These are not magi in a war. These… these are normal humans. Regular people, why do they do this?

There are more of them inside the bank; I hear at least three of them. They threaten and shout, fear and anxiety are present in their quivering voices as well as the will to do violence. I…

My legs take me to the tall marble steps of the bank without my control. There are people within who must be saved. There are always people in need.

Why do I regret anything? There is nothing to regret.

With my will firm, I step up and into the bank. I do not stomp in, but I do not hide myself either. I want to see these men for myself, though every fraction of a second that I hear the whimpering of children and women, an inner fire rages for release.

I pushed open the great, gilded doors of the bank, seeing a polished, wooden interior. Three men in black ski masks snapped their sights towards me as my heels clicked on the marble floors.

One of them smirks, on the verge of full blown laughter, as he turns towards me.

Ah.

I look down at myself. While skin is fresh and whole, and I am no longer covered in black mud, my clothes look like they had just taken a dip in a swamp before being torched by a flamethrower. In fact, aside from my jeans, the rest of my attire is close to falling apart into ashes. I must have looked a sorrowful, if not pathetic, mess.

Trying to keep the heat from my cheeks, I cleared my dry, unused throat and spoke in the more raspy voice I had ever heard, “W-what is going on here?”

It must be a bank robbery, right? I see a group of around thirty people huddling in a corner. Eight of them are children, all of whom have tears in the corners of their eyes. They…

My fists clench.

“Mah, mah, I think we have a wannabe hero here,” The fattest and shortest of the men crowed. His form stretched even the thick, black sweater he wore, making him seem like some kind of obese mess as he pointed an assault rifle at me, right in my face. He turns to one of his compatriots without a care in the world, as if I were just as harmless as anyone else here. “Sorry, S-san, I think we might have the first casualty of the night!”

I do not fight…

His friend must be partnered with him for comedic effect; he is as tall as the other is short and as thin as the other is fat. All three of them look as positively nonchalant about this robbery, as if they are just shopping at a convenience store.

The thin one must be their leader, because he gives the orders. He speaks in a shrill, high-pitched tone, one that a man can have if his manhood was cut off, “Ah, well! This one is an idiot anyway! What kind of guy walks into a bank robbery and asks what’s going on? You poor kid, you’re so young too,” He pouts at me, pityingly. “Well, I’m sorry about this but…”

I only forge…

S-san, the thin one, raises his pistol at me and lets off a spraying volley. I didn’t need to dodge at all, because of his terrible marksmanship, but I moved out of the way of ricochets, letting them bounce harmlessly behind me. His weapon could not hit me at this range with accuracy even if he chose to stop grabbing the bags of cash and lay his focus upon me anyway. The construction, its creation is so… poor.

Nothing else matters…

I frown at them, wanting to ask why. I know what they are doing and I can guess why. Be it fear, greed, or some other human emotion, I seem to know it far too well now.

This is the only path…

S-san shakes and yells to his companions, “Kill the fucker and grab the bags! Faster, especially you, T-san! We don’t have much time, the cameras…!” He yells specifically at the fat one before diving to a side.

…this is the image of myself.

This is the first image that appears in my mind. This is by far too familiar to me, even though I don’t know how to use them properly. A pair of blades is created into existence, their hilts resting comfortably in my hands. I raise them just in time to block a hail of bullets. The clash of metal against metal rings loudly in my ears, and the vibrations hurt my fingers and wrists, but I hold resolute until I see what I need to do.

People are willing to kill, but these people… they are not Servants. They are only humans. I will try not to kill them, if I could help it. I… I try to focus on the people huddled on the ground, the people I need to save. These are the people I want to save. They are more important, so even if I have to be pained, even if I have to face these bullets head on… I will.

But there is no need. I move faster than they anticipated, and in a flash of black and white, steel cuts apart T-san’s assault rifle. While this weapon was made of technology beyond my grasp, the materials it is composed of are nothing to my magnetized blades.

I remember, T-san cries out in pain as his arm is slashed, to offer them one last chance. And so I do, “Give up and give in. There’s no reason for you to be injured.” Having never faced normal, mortal enemies, I…

…Was this the right choice?

But it doesn’t matter, because their leader doesn’t pay any attention to my words. He grabs the nearest civilian. He is thinking of using a child for a hostage…? No, he isn’t thinking it; he is doing it right now. He grabs roughly a small girl who looks no older than eight, holding her body against his own tightly as he pressed his gun against her head.

“Give up, boy! You’re not some kind of hero, even if you are a NEXT, there’s nothing you can do!” He shrieks. He is mostly fearful, bluffing even. The shaking of his hand has his pistol, pressed against the side of the young girl’s head tells me this but fear causes people to do strange things. “Even if you are a freak, you can’t stop a bullet in time! Give up!”

I grit my teeth. I suppress my growling. I try to think coolly. But I am no true magus, and I am no Tohsaka Rin. I am just a third-rate magus, if even that…

…So how do I save her?

How do I move faster than the speed of a bullet? How do I move faster than the twitch of a finger? I can feel the sweat drops rolling down my forehead and down my back, both the pressure of the situation and the heat of my surroundings roaring at me to take action.

I will save her. There are no regrets. I should be dead. More than likely, he will turn to shoot me, so I raise my hands slowly—

—And I am correct.

The barrel of his gun points directly at my chest, and he walks up to me, even as the girl begins to tear up and sniffle in his coarse hands.

Ten meters.

Five meters.

Two meters.

One meter…

…He does not understand…

…But then, perhaps he should be honored. To face my steel, the finest blades, is an honor. These are the greatest swords, each and every one of them. And so, as one blade cleaves his arm in two, like molten steel against warmed butter…

…I have no regrets.

The sword, a blade that I have seen in the possession of my future self, forged in the eighteenth century and of no special properties other than its superb sharpness and fine balance, shoots from my hands, twirling in the air. It arcs around the large lobby, penetrating the third man’s semi-automatic before flying and intercepting the steps of the fattest robber.

It is a beautiful blade, like all blades…

I blink. Somehow, my mind blanked out for the last few moments, and now I have a sobbing child in my arms, with a bank lobby full of clapping people. I… I blink again.

I… I frown.

This…

What…

I think I am hyperventilating, but…

I must get out of here…

Gilgamesh! Grail! Mud!

My… my mind…

I run out of the bank, stumbling and falling face first against the pavement. There is a crunch of bone against cement, but I am only bruised. I need to run. I need to escape. I need… I need…

I just keep running, the events of this night, the battle for the grail, the fight against Gilgamesh, everything, this pressure… it all comes crashing down against my mind.


-]|I|[-


A redheaded woman, though most people would strangely associate the color blue with her, walks out of the bank, following the steps of her young savior. And what a savior he was too! He had quite a nice body to go along with that silent, mysterious attitude!

With a swirl of her long, red hair, the woman giggles. She doesn’t stand out from the crowd at all, wearing nothing but a simple white shirt and a pair of jeans. None of the authorities even question her unusual calm and strange giddiness.

With a twirl of her suitcase, she walks down the white steps of the bank with only a mental note to talk to her sister tucked far, far away, and laughs to herself in a rich and sultry yet so innocent voice, “I wonder what his name is, this dashing, new hero?”

VelspertheCat
September 19th, 2011, 10:04 AM
Will the final boss be Darkdeath Evilman? Still, good job fishie.

deviatesfish
September 19th, 2011, 10:10 AM
I was actually planning a lot of funny, but... I dunno, the first scene kinda depressed me...

DreamsRequiem
September 19th, 2011, 10:13 AM
Oh wow. *0*

I can't wait for more.

VelspertheCat
September 19th, 2011, 10:15 AM
It's an interesting use for the Enkidu dead end, at least.

DreamsRequiem
September 19th, 2011, 10:17 AM
Also, AOKO-SENSEI!!

deviatesfish
September 19th, 2011, 10:18 AM
I guess so... it was Mereo's idea! All Mereo! All good ideas come from Mereo! Or Alf! Or you, Velsper-sensei!

Well, I hope the next scene well be a funny one. I have some alternate dimension analogs who will be appearing...

EDIT: Yes, Aoko-sensei is one.

DreamsRequiem
September 19th, 2011, 10:19 AM
*jumpsoffthewallslikeakidonsugarhigh*

deviatesfish
September 19th, 2011, 10:22 AM
Well, here's a spoiler.

Hercules' double here will be a man named Kevin Sorbo.

VelspertheCat
September 19th, 2011, 10:22 AM
I guess so... it was Mereo's idea! All Mereo! All good ideas come from Mereo! Or Alf! Or you, Velsper-sensei!

Well, I hope the next scene well be a funny one. I have some alternate dimension analogs who will be appearing...

EDIT: Yes, Aoko-sensei is one.

I'm not that good, I'm afraid.

deviatesfish
September 19th, 2011, 10:24 AM
You lie!

Sherrinford
September 19th, 2011, 10:24 AM
Following this like a stalker. I'm glad to see an idea finally leaving the embryonic stage.

Whoa, this turned out better than what I expected... Shirou, whoa... and Aoko...

I'm looking forward the interactions between Shirou and the heroes, since this has suddenly stepped into "serious business" territory.




Well, here's a spoiler.

Hercules' double here will be a man named Kevin Sorbo.

lol, even if it's not true.

DreamsRequiem
September 19th, 2011, 10:25 AM
...I noticed something.

Right when he slices the guys arm...

I suddenly felt like it was Gilgamesh narrating.

deviatesfish
September 19th, 2011, 10:26 AM
Yeah, I didn't mean to srsbzn this... but it was inevitable, unless I wanted to skip that first "how did he come here" stage all together, until much later. Come to think of it. I should I have just done that... DAMNIT.


Ah, well. What is done is done.

Next up, on Zelretch Hero Project! Shirou meets his Dad, Kiritsugu! Or is he really his dad? Who is this woman, Dad? Why is she calling you "dear"? And Ilya?! When did you grow up? I thought you were dead! Ah! Dad is going crazy! Is this what they call "PROTECTIVE DAD MODO"?

Next time, on ZELRETCH HERO PROJECT!

EDIT: Well, Gilgamesh? Where did he go? :3

Sherrinford
September 19th, 2011, 10:28 AM
I suddenly felt like it was Gilgamesh narrating.

Uh-oh... something went wrong during teleportation? Or we're back to the snippet where Shirou has Gilgamesh in his head for the lulz (after all, I expect comedy in this too)... ?

Nah, if think it's not something serious...

VelspertheCat
September 19th, 2011, 10:30 AM
He fell perpendicular to reality and is currently safely stored away in a barrel of a chekhov gun, which is ready to get fired.

Sherrinford
September 19th, 2011, 10:31 AM
Yeah, I didn't mean to srsbzn this... but it was inevitable, unless I wanted to skip that first "how did he come here" stage all together, until much later. Come to think of it. I should I have just done that... DAMNIT.

Well, I didn't mean that "srsbzn" is bad for this crossover.

;)


EDIT: Well, Gilgamesh? Where did he go? :3

I'm now imagining a golden-cladded Lunatic. Dunno why.

DreamsRequiem
September 19th, 2011, 10:32 AM
Well, Gilgamesh? Where did he go? :3

I think I know.

Like Eddyak said:



Silence mongrel , let me drive!

deviatesfish
September 19th, 2011, 10:32 AM
I wonder what Gilgamesh is doing right now? *OMITTED TEXT*

TheSpy
September 19th, 2011, 10:40 AM
Wow, nice work, although I'm hoping that:


Next up, on Zelretch Hero Project! Shirou meets his Dad, Kiritsugu! Or is he really his dad? Who is this woman, Dad? Why is she calling you "dear"? And Ilya?! When did you grow up? I thought you were dead! Ah! Dad is going crazy! Is this what they call "PROTECTIVE DAD MODO"?

Next time, on ZELRETCH HERO PROJECT!

Was just a joke, and not something you seriously plan to include in the actual fic.

deviatesfish
September 19th, 2011, 10:42 AM
This is no longer Nasuverse we are treading in, but Tiger&Bunnyverse! Silliness may not happen the way you imagine it, but it will happen no matter how hard we try to avoid it.

TheSpy
September 19th, 2011, 10:44 AM
This is no longer Nasuverse we are treading in, but Tiger&Bunnyverse! Silliness may not happen the way you imagine it, but it will happen no matter how hard we try to avoid it.

I'm only 9 episodes into T&B, mostly because I have a shitty internet connection, and it doesn't seem all that silly.

DreamsRequiem
September 19th, 2011, 10:45 AM
....are we watching the same thing?

TheSpy
September 19th, 2011, 10:47 AM
....are we watching the same thing?

Hell if I know, I still think the design of the robot suits suck, and the CGI is a horrible fit.

DreamsRequiem
September 19th, 2011, 10:48 AM
But Barnaby's suit is awesome.... ;o;

TheSpy
September 19th, 2011, 10:52 AM
But Barnaby's suit is awesome.... ;o;

No it's not.

logiccosmic
September 19th, 2011, 10:52 AM
Ahhhhhhh snap.

Mongrels don't know about Shirou Emiya.

DreamsRequiem
September 19th, 2011, 10:57 AM
No it's not.

Well, I guess it's a matter of opinion. I like it, you don't. End of story.

Sherrinford
September 19th, 2011, 10:58 AM
"What happened to Gilgamesh?"...







... well, there is the title of King of Heroes in T&Bunnyverse, too... just saying... *innocent whistling*

deviatesfish
September 19th, 2011, 10:59 AM
Exactly!

And many other fun shenanigans!

The only one who gets a say/vote/controlling-device-attached-to-my-head for this Fic will be Froggie! If Froggie doesn't want silly scenes, they will be gone.

Heroslayer
September 19th, 2011, 11:01 AM
I'm guessing I should go watch Tiger and Bunny to understand this at all.

deviatesfish
September 19th, 2011, 11:02 AM
You don't have to. You won't need to.

Just gonna need F/SN knowledge. Though... having watched Tiger&Bunny will make this much more interesting for you.

Heroslayer
September 19th, 2011, 11:04 AM
Alright. Is there anything I need to know about it though?

Froggie
September 19th, 2011, 11:05 AM
At work ;___; Can't read! Look forward to it when I get home!

deviatesfish
September 19th, 2011, 11:06 AM
Alright. Is there anything I need to know about it though?

A world where Superheroes exist. And they are commercialized... but not exactly in the bad way that "The Boys" does it. It's actually kind of... fun. Fun. Very fun to watch.

Heroslayer
September 19th, 2011, 11:07 AM
Wow... that... wow... Shirou is going to fit in here... isn't he?

That and be really pissed off about how his ideal has been commercialized.

deviatesfish
September 19th, 2011, 11:09 AM
The best hero is crowned "King of Heroes" all over TV... for that season of the in-series show that is called "HERO TV! Live!"

Sherrinford
September 19th, 2011, 11:13 AM
That and be really pissed off about how his ideal has been commercialized.

Mah, I don't think so... commercialization doesn't play such an important part (this show isn't so dark as it might imply).

Not a single hero seems to care about the "commercialization".

deviatesfish
September 19th, 2011, 11:14 AM
Well, since the world has already adapted to the idea of having Heroes, the general attitude towards them is acceptance. Of course, how they got to that stage...

Spinach
September 19th, 2011, 11:16 AM
"What happened to Gilgamesh?"...

... well, there is the title of King of Heroes in T&Bunnyverse, too... just saying... *innocent whistling*

THIS is what I look forward to seeing. Every episode of T&B I just imagined Gilgamesh showing up and killing the bad guys, then Sky High, and then flying around the city on Vimana calling people mongrels and hailing himself as the true King of Heroes.

Sherrinford
September 19th, 2011, 11:19 AM
THIS is what I look forward to seeing. Every episode of T&B I just imagined Gilgamesh showing up

Yes. ("you know you're addicted to TM when...")


and killing the bad guys,

Yes.


then Sky High,

NO.


and then flying around the city on Vimana calling people mongrels and hailing himself as the true King of Heroes.

Yes.

Spinach
September 19th, 2011, 11:21 AM
NO.

A mongrel does not slander the good name of the Babylonian King of Heroes and live to tell the tale.

I liked Sky High, I really did, but I can't see Gilgamesh NOT killing the guy for using his title.

deviatesfish
September 19th, 2011, 11:21 AM
Poor Sky High. Well, if Gilgamesh actually got to know him, he'd find Sky High very honorable and all that. Perhaps even worthy of being his possession.

Of course, that's if given time which neither has.

Sherrinford
September 19th, 2011, 11:23 AM
Well, since the world has already adapted to the idea of having Heroes, the general attitude towards them is acceptance. Of course, how they got to that stage...

No, I meant, in this 'verse, commercialization of heroes doesn't seem to be a bad thing. Instead, having sponsor helps them because they have access to several resources instead of being feared by the population.

Having to respect the "share" never seemed to prevent them from helping people, that's why I said it's not bad.

Sherrinford
September 19th, 2011, 11:28 AM
A mongrel does not slander the good name of the Babylonian King of Heroes and live to tell the tale.

I liked Sky High, I really did, but I can't see Gilgamesh NOT killing the guy for using his title.

Eh, point. But I still wouldn't like the idea of Sky High killed by Gilgamesh, even if it is highly probable.

Let's hope deviatefish doesn't choose that way.


Poor Sky High. Well, if Gilgamesh actually got to know him, he'd find Sky High very honorable and all that. Perhaps even worthy of being his possession.

Of course, that's if given time which neither has.

Well... Gilgamesh killing him is highly probable, period. Gil kills everyone without remorse, even if he finds them honorable. And becoming his possession isn't exactly a better fate.

Maybe if Sky High surrenders his title... but that's never going to happen, I fear. Maybe if Gilgamesh is one of the "good guys" (i. e. Gilgamesh goes "Uruk" on Sternbild, and he becomes somewhat of a hero), but not if Kin-pika starts threatening the population with his attitude...

deviatesfish
September 19th, 2011, 11:57 AM
Gilgamesh... well... Let's just say his situation is a bit different from what he was used to.

Alulim
September 19th, 2011, 02:43 PM
...Al finds this relevant to his interests.

ItsaRandomUsername
September 19th, 2011, 08:00 PM
This is relevant to my interests.

Is there a FFN link as well~?

deviatesfish
September 19th, 2011, 08:06 PM
Well, once I have a full chapter written, I'll post it on FFN after I edit out the bad stuff. Or if I find a beta...

...so ronery...

...
...


...Also, teenage Ilya!

Sherrinford
September 19th, 2011, 08:08 PM
Hooray!

No, seriously, hooray! I'm looking forward to her!

Froggie
September 19th, 2011, 08:24 PM
I love you, Fishie! And again, I love you, Fishie!

Finally got home and sat down to read this. I quite liked it though, as you said, it falls a bit short of a proper first chapter. It looked much more daunting on my phone. Seeing Shirou doing some classic heroics like foiling a bank robbery is pretty awesome. Though the first part did feel a bit "dark" with Shirou slashing that guy's arm in half (ow!) but I suppose it comes with the territory of sword creation. Then again, darkness is no stranger in the T&Bverse, what with Ouroborous and Lunatic. That brings up the question, does this happen mid-series for T&B or is it after the end? Whatever the case, I look forward to Shirou meeting the one and only Wild Tiger!

logiccosmic
September 19th, 2011, 08:37 PM
The Bl-!

Oh sh-!

*runs far, far, far away*

ItsaRandomUsername
September 19th, 2011, 09:40 PM
Write moar, Fishie. Teen Illya whuh?/WHAR

shiningphoenix
September 19th, 2011, 09:43 PM
It's like Wizard Hat!

xelloss
September 19th, 2011, 09:51 PM
This is relevant to my interests.

Yun
September 20th, 2011, 12:38 AM
Consider me hooked.

Larekko12
September 20th, 2011, 12:41 AM
Thou hast acquired a fan in this one's most humble self.

core_88
September 20th, 2011, 03:55 AM
Love this Shirou should take to being a hero and hamming it up like a fish to water.
Question is this before or after the first season?

warellis
September 20th, 2011, 04:01 AM
Love this Shirou should take to being a hero and hamming it up like a fish to water.
Question is this before or after the first season?

But how would he feel about the commercialization of hero work?

Exthiel
September 20th, 2011, 04:56 AM
But how would he feel about the commercialization of hero work?

He'll probably feel conflicted, since lives are at stake and commercializing it somewhat cheapens it but at the same time since they do save lives he can't help but let it past.
Even better if this is before the timeskip when they fought Jake where the heroes kinda doesn't take it seriously and do it because it's their job and for the ratings.

Fangstrike
September 20th, 2011, 06:19 AM
It's always cool to see someone display their jedi skills - Shirou deflecting bullets with his swords, though not with the same elegance since he was using them more as shields rather than cutting them down individually or anything - but I couldn't help but internally scream "You're on TV, Shirou." He's just lucky he's in another world, otherwise the MA would be on his ass like a woman scorned for displaying magecraft on live tv. Still, I'm looking forward to seeing Shirou interact/meet the other Heroes. I actually like the crossover anime despite some of the flak I've read about it on some of my usual anime review sites.

Given that they have an Academy and everything, I wonder if Shirou will be allowed to go about doing his hero-thing or if he'll be labelled a vigilante. I suspect he'll be welcomed with open arms to the hero league, though a sponsor is a whole other matter - things just seem to inadvertently work out for idiots like him sometimes, just not when his harem are involved.

deviatesfish
September 20th, 2011, 08:03 AM
Froggie gave me a great codename for him to take.

Larekko12
September 20th, 2011, 09:46 AM
Is it Jack of Blades?

Sherrinford
September 20th, 2011, 09:48 AM
The only true codename for Hero!Shirou is Copypasteman.

TheSpy
September 20th, 2011, 09:50 AM
Out of curiosity, will Shirou be able to copy Origami's swords and Shuriken?

Sherrinford
September 20th, 2011, 09:51 AM
... why not?

They aren't mystical, irreproducible artifacts...

TheSpy
September 20th, 2011, 10:07 AM
... why not?

They aren't mystical, irreproducible artifacts...

But are they made of a material that Shirou is familiar with? Or, were they made from something that didn't exist in the Nasuverse?

deviatesfish
September 20th, 2011, 10:44 AM
They are probably an alloy of carbon, iron, aluminum, and whatever titanium alloys. Or something. I dunno, I'm not a metallurgist. But it should just be a hardened/improved material, used in the military. Perhaps easily identifiable. I dunno. What do you suggest?

Larekko12
September 20th, 2011, 12:39 PM
Is Shirou's Codename Muramasa or Masamune or Hephaestus?

deviatesfish
September 20th, 2011, 12:42 PM
Nothing so fancy, you'll see it when you see it. In fact, you already know it.

nununu
September 20th, 2011, 12:54 PM
Will we see a Wild Taiga?

deviatesfish
September 20th, 2011, 12:55 PM
Yes and where are those usamimi from?

nununu
September 20th, 2011, 12:56 PM
Reisen Udongein Inaba, from Touhou

deviatesfish
September 20th, 2011, 12:57 PM
So cute...

Larekko12
September 20th, 2011, 01:14 PM
ARcher, Blacksmith, Hero of Justice, Faker, Saber, White, Magus, master,Hero?

Spinach
September 20th, 2011, 01:16 PM
Blacksmith would be cool.

Alulim
September 20th, 2011, 01:24 PM
Blacksmith would be cool.If so, it must be in engrish.

nununu
September 20th, 2011, 01:25 PM
Burakishimitto? Brocksmith? >.<

Spinach
September 20th, 2011, 01:35 PM
Buracksmissu

TheSpy
September 20th, 2011, 04:11 PM
They are probably an alloy of carbon, iron, aluminum, and whatever titanium alloys. Or something. I dunno, I'm not a metallurgist. But it should just be a hardened/improved material, used in the military. Perhaps easily identifiable. I dunno. What do you suggest?

Depends on if Shirou can recreate them or not.

Larekko12
September 20th, 2011, 04:43 PM
He can. And if he can't he just need to works with the material abit then he can. It's not like Ea and Exacalibur which are less metal crystalized power of abstract feats such as all of humanities hopes and the Separation of Heaven and earth.

shiningphoenix
September 20th, 2011, 05:42 PM
He can. And if he can't he just need to works with the material abit then he can. It's not like Ea and Exacalibur which are less metal crystalized power of abstract feats such as all of humanities hopes and the Separation of Heaven and earth.
Shirou can actually trace Excalibur, it's just a bad idea. Ea is the one he can't trace.

deviatesfish
September 21st, 2011, 01:58 AM
HALP! MEREO! I NEED HALP! WHAT AM I DOING?! HAAAAAAALP!!!


-]|I|[-




I did not stop running. I must have run for hours, though when I look back, it seems like minutes. By the time I did stop, my shirt had already scattered in the four winds in the form of ashes. I…

I must look like a crazy guy, right? With only charred jeans on and nothing else, not even shoes. I smirk to myself despite my wariness, panting for quick, cool gasps of delicious oxygen. From the state of my lungs and from the color of the morning sky…

...Ah. It’s already dawn.

Saber…

…For some reason, I can’t but get my Servant’s familiar face out of my head at this moment. Maybe it was because the light of the sun, accompanied by such a calm breeze, reminded me of her. Or maybe I am just happy to be alive… Do I even deserve to be alive?

I straighten myself, blinking towards the golden light. Never in my life have I been so grateful. As I stretched and arched my spine back, a tingle of guilty pleasure tickled the back of my mind, just like the warm, morning sunrays. Which is a comfortable contrast to the cool wind—

“—Achoo!” I shiver. Instinctively, my arms wrap around my torso as I shake. It sure is cold in the morning.

Can I be happy that I am alive? This…

…This is just like years ago. I am alive, but I can easily tell that I am not in Fuyuki anymore. I don’t know where I am. From all the English signs all around me, I don’t even know if I am in Japan anymore.

What would Saber have done?

Being without regrets, would she immediately attempt to return and destroy the Greater Grail? I think she would. I know I should…

…but…

…I can’t help but want to enjoy this single moment of peace. I shouldn’t. I can’t.

The chirping of waking birds is music to my ears. When was the last time I woke up early to simply jog for the sake of jogging? In these last few days, have the events escalated to such dire straits, that even a morning jog seems so distant from me?

But I know the answer already.

I can never go back to the past and I can never wish away that fateful night, where I stayed late at school. The clash of a blur of blue and red, I still remember it clearly. But…

…I don’t regret it at all.

I stand straight, my body and mind renewed in strength. My goals are clear and simple. I must return to Fuyuki City and make sure the world is safe. Everything else, especially myself, comes a distant second to the lives of everyone in the world.

…Right, Father?

“—Hurry up, Kiritsugu!”

Huh? What? It is a light-hearted, melodic voice, belonging to a woman. But she s not just any woman; with an airs of maturity, she stands even apart from Saber. Snow-like hair cascades from her shoulders down to below her waist; it looks unwieldy but she wears it with an elegance that strikes within me the image of a fairytale princess who had found her happy ending and grew into a queen. Even the dress she wears looks more like a gown of gold and white… this is a pure whiteness that is untouched by the world, like fresh snow.

But the woman, despite all her elegance and beauty, does not catch my eyes at all. Instead, my sights are focused upon the one she called Kiritsugu; he is a tall, weary man, even while donning a long coat over a suit not out of place in the highest echelons of society.

But that does not catch my eyes either. His clothes, no matter how splendid yet conservative, are nothing to his attitude. There is a look within his tired eyes that reminds me of dad; it is the look of a veteran, sharp and alert even in the most peaceful of times.

But it isn’t his aura or attitude that catches my eyes. No, it is for certain his face: his visage is a reflection of father. He looks just like him, right down to the unshaven, cigarette chewing expression that father had before he died…

…So it is understandable, perhaps, that I approached him, even before seeing the other people in his company. I didn’t even notice a girl who stood at their side like a doted child of the family, a younger version of the woman who should be her mother. I didn’t even notice how she seems to look like the fairytale snow princess who nearly had me killed in my past…

“Father…?” I croak, uncertain of my voice. I should be shocked. I am shocked. They did not hear me, or perhaps thought I was speaking to someone else. What am I doing? Why am I approaching them? This could all just be a vision brought to me by the evils of the world, yet I could not help but reach forward and stare wide-eyed at the man named Kiritsugu. “Father…?”

I think he noticed me long before I approached his family. In fact, I am certain of it. The tension in his body proves enough to me, but the first to show actual notice of me, to give me attention, is the woman beside him, who stood close like a…

Instead of turning to me, she pouts and grabs Kiritsugu’s tie and asks childishly, in the same tone as Taiga, “…Why is this boy calling you ‘Father’, dear?” Her smile is now strained; there is a small twitch at the corner of her mouth. She doesn’t look very happy.

But her words triggered something in this man named Kiritsugu, a man who could pass as a doppelganger of my father Emiya Kiritsugu. He turned to me slowly, so slowly that I could hear the gears turning in his neck. There is a strange, blue fire in his eyes, one that I have never seen before, almost causing his whole body to glow blue, but I’m sure that was just an illusion—

“Father?” He roars, suddenly in front of me and hoisting me up before I knew what was happening. He froths from his mouth, shouting in an almost-comedic rage (almost, because I feel like I will really die). “You-you-you!” He shouts incoherently, “Are you trying to date my Ilya?!”

“…Ilya?” I mutter in confusion. Is she really here too? These two women could be her relatives, but… does that mean I’m in some kind of heaven? No, that can’t be right. I can still feel pain, especially in the soles of my feet, after running for so many hours.

But I soon find out that I did not need to worry for my life. The woman who acted like Kiritsugu’s wife earlier grabs him by the shoulder and turns him around, causing him to drop me unceremoniously.

“Honey,” she growls out through gritted teeth, “What is this boy saying about you being his father?”

“N-now, Iri, don’t be l-like that, I just thought he was trying to ask me p-permission to—Urk!” Kiritsugu groans out as this woman, Iri, picked him up and started shaking him by the collar.

“T-tell me the truth!” She cries out through the tears that suddenly begin to flow down her cheeks somehow. I don’t think humans can cry that fast. Strangely, she also has a dim, blue aura around her. “A-are you cheating on me behind my back, Kiritsugu? What about Ilya?!”

I can see that Kiritsugu wants to reply. I can also see that he is struggling desperately trying to get out of Iri’s adamantine grip and that he is choking. I’m lost for words. What do I say to this? Are these friendly antics or a nervous breakdown or…?

I am shaken out of my thoughts by a girl. She is younger and shorter than m—at least I think so—but her face! The moment she turned to me, I saw her clearly. She looks just like Ilyasviel von Einzbern… though her body is far more mature. She lets off a high-pitched squeal, one that causes me to wince, and leaps past her parents towards me. She shrieks in a voice full of awe, “I know you! You’re that new hero who stopped the bank robbery last night! That hero with swords! Oh, wow! This is so cool!”

Iri seems to loosen her grip on Kiritsugu’s collar, but then her face becomes like a mask of a demon. My body shivers; I can’t help it. Kiritsugu looks helpless, but I notice that it is because this is all play. Probably…?

“—that the boy is a NEXT isn’t helping your situation at all, dear…” Iri growls through smiling lips.

I… this is scarier than facing Torashinai. I need to get out of here. I take a step backwards instinctively, but the girl jumps to me, grabbing my hands before I can react. There is not a single sliver of hostile intent in her ruby-red eyes, only shining admiration. Even her eyes are reminiscent of Ilyasviel’s eyes…

She cuts me off before I can protest, “I can’t believe this! Miyu is going to be so—oh, I mean, everyone else will be so jealous! You just have to stay, onii-chan! She should be here in a minute!”

I stutter out a single, confused word, “Hero?” It s a word quickly followed by surprise and curiosity still buried under my confusion, “Me?! Haa—ah?!”

This older version of Ilyasviel tilts her head at me slowly, pouting adorably as she crosses her arms. This action causes my vision to focus greatly on her bountiful bosom, one of her qualities that make me certain that she can’t be Ilyasviel. She holds me hands in hers tightly, as if I would disappear the moment she lets go. “Of course you’re a hero, silly onii-chan! You saved those people at the bank, didn’t you? I saw you on the Late Night Edition of HERO TV!”

“Wuh-wait,” Kiritsugu calls out for the first time, but he is not focused on me anymore. He is staring intensely at his daughter and so is Iri. “I thought you were asleep, Ilya? What were you doing up at 11 P.M.?” He asks suspiciously with an undertone of displeasure.

“I-I, ah, ha, ha!” Ilya, their daughter, laughs nervously. Her hands are shaking slightly, but she grasps me even tighter, trying to draw strength from me, before she muttered, “Why is this nii-chan calling you Father, Papa?”

This must be some strange dream. This has to be it. Ilyasviel von Einzbern did call me her older brother, but this…? There’s no way that she could be my sister! There’s no way that my little sister could be this cute…!

Ilya’s tactics are crude, but effective. Immediately, Iri turned back to Kiritsugu and began another round of interrogations. That is enough however, for her to turn her attention back to me, much to the displeasure of her father. I… I don’t feel right, calling him Kiritsugu, even in my mind. Father died for the sake of the world. This man, while he seems to be like Father in every way, I just can’t; I accepted a long time ago that Father is dead.

My mind, it is full of what. This is making no sense at all, and the feverish heat over my brow is not helping at all. So I ask the first question that pops into my mind, trying to at least find some way to unwind all this, “Why are you calling your big brother? You shouldn’t…”

I am cut off again by Ilya, “You are older than me, aren’t you, onii-chan? Why shouldn’t I call you onii-chan, onii-chan?” She turns her eyes up, sparkling cutely up at me and nearly blinding me. She wiggles around slowly, twiddling her hands behind her back and staring at me with adoration. Then she grabs my hands again and holds me close against her chest, “Onii-chan, what’s wrong? Are you tired, onii-chan? You look like you’ve been running all night, onii-chan! Onii-chan should really take care of his body…! Oh!”

“Grk,” is all I could offer her, using all of my will power not to collapse from her giant blob of cuteness. Thankfully, she turns away from me at another girl her age, who is running up to her right now.

“Oh! Miyu!” She shouts delightfully, her voice like soft church bells. It is really apparent how close these two girls are, as they hug. Well, Ilya hugged her friend, who blushed and wiggled in her grasp. Miyu is a sharp contrast to Ilya; she is more petite and less curvy than Ilya. She ties her hair back, in a simpler design than Saber, but her expressions are not much different from how Saber was when I first met her so long ago. Was it so long ago? It seems that way, even if it has not been even a month since I was inducted into the Holy Grail War.

“Who is this, Ilya?” Miyu frowns at me suspiciously and subtly placing herself between the snow-haired girl and me.

ItsaRandomUsername
September 21st, 2011, 02:14 AM
Wha-pssh! Wha-pssh! Mood Whiplash!

Par for the course, methinks. Intriguing, too. Guess the T&B-verse is a pseudo-AU...which begs the question of other Type-MOON characters.........

deviatesfish
September 21st, 2011, 02:16 AM
I'll take you on a roller coaster ride, my dear IRUn.

ItsaRandomUsername
September 21st, 2011, 02:16 AM
Whoohoo!

*throws hand in the air*


WMG:
T&B-verse!Kiritsugu has Innate Time Control as a NEXT power.

In-N-Out Double-Double & Animal Fries
September 21st, 2011, 02:23 AM
WMG

Nanaya/Tohno Shiki appears as a NEXT and has a Lancer/Archer type relationship with Shirou

Aoko doesn't make another appearance until the very end of your fic with a massive attack on whatever super-powerful enemy appears

Alectai
September 21st, 2011, 02:58 AM
Man, Tiger and Bunny with Shirou in this?

I hope the characters of the native universe get to be important too, T&B had one of the flat-out best set of characters in recent years. Watching them be marginalized in favor of an FSN stomp would make me sad :(

I mean, Kotetsu's probably close to Servant Level when he's using Hundred Power, at least in terms of sheer physical strength and durability (And probably comparable speed, if not quite on the level of god-tiers like Lancer). If he wasn't such a goofball, he'd probably be pretty high ranking (And with Barnaby having the same power, and taking the KING OF HEROES title in his first season, it's pretty much confirmed).

And don't even get me started at how much of a gamebreaker Blue Rose could be if she wasn't such a starlet. There was a big writeup on how her NEXT ability worked in some bit of supplementary material, and it's got some pretty horrific implications.

And noooo :( Sky High gets shit on enough by the universe (The whole Cis thing pretty much counts as a whole fucking lifetime of bad all in the space of a week or so, if he ever found out the truth about that... Yikes), don't make Gil kill him. He's such a lovable doofus that him getting killed off would be turning a mostly optimistic setting into a Grimdark one.

Theocrass
September 21st, 2011, 03:11 AM
Just finally got around to reading this and I must say I'm glad I did!

It's been an entertaining read so far and the antics of the Emiya family are most amusing!

Still, there are a few spelling errors every now and then.

And there are times when I find some of your prose be to somewhat ... lacking. Or maybe unwieldy is a better word for it.

Not enough to keep me from reading, though! ^o^

deviatesfish
September 21st, 2011, 05:29 AM
How do I make it not lacking?

DreamsRequiem
September 21st, 2011, 06:58 AM
*Reads GLORIOUS update*

...why must all the awesome happen when I'm in school, or when I'm asleep.

Still, great update.

deviatesfish
September 21st, 2011, 07:27 AM
How do I make it not unwieldy?! T_T

I'm not writing another word of anything until you help me!

DreamsRequiem
September 21st, 2011, 07:34 AM
...unwieldy, unwieldy, unwieldy hmmmm.... why is it unwieldy...hmmm

*rereads story to check*

deviatesfish
September 21st, 2011, 07:36 AM
Theo! Explain yourself! Please...?

DreamsRequiem
September 21st, 2011, 07:44 AM
....oooooooh. I see. I think it's the switch between the tenses. Sometimes it just switches from present to past tense, when it shouldn't.

I think. Maybe. *tapping chin*

...maybe not?

deviatesfish
September 21st, 2011, 07:45 AM
Hm... Though, I can understand. I didn't even read this over before I posted it... It could be my sloppiness.

Froggie
September 21st, 2011, 07:48 AM
I don't think it's unwieldy. If anything, rather the contrary. It's concise and to the point.

Mistakes:


In these last few days, have things really become so, that even a morning jog seems so distant from me?

Bolded phrase is incomplete. An idea was started and never finished.


a pure whiteness that is untouched by the world, like flesh snow.

Fresh snow.


he is a wary, tall man, wearing long coat over a suit not out of place in the highest echelons of society.

Judging from the sentence which follows this one, you meant "weary" and not "wary".

Fishie! I'm glad you wrote more! As IRUN said, the switch from the first snippet to the second is a bit jarring, but seems to fit well with how T&B could be light and humorous one second and incredibly serious the next. Though in this case we got the serious first and the light second. A good mesh of seriousness and humor, I think, and necessary for a T&B cross. At any rate, I wonder how Shirou will get out of this situation? And everyone saw him in the Late Night Edition of HeroTV? The sponsors must be lining up!

As someone else pointed out, I hope that the Fate cast does not completely obscure the T&B cast. I love both and hope they get equal shares of the spot light.

That being said, I look forward to more.

deviatesfish
September 21st, 2011, 07:50 AM
Fishie! I'm glad you wrote more!

You asked for more, so I wrote more.

Froggie
September 21st, 2011, 08:02 AM
You are a wicked young man, making me say it again every time.

Please write more.

DreamsRequiem
September 21st, 2011, 08:05 AM
Both of you, get a room.

...preferably one that's soundproof.

deviatesfish
September 21st, 2011, 08:09 AM
I shall finish this scene then!

logiccosmic
September 21st, 2011, 08:10 AM
Philistine.

I'm taping it and selling copies.

deviatesfish
September 21st, 2011, 08:13 AM
I don't comprehend... ._.

Froggie
September 21st, 2011, 08:16 AM
Both of you, get a room.

...preferably one that's soundproof.Oh? Did something I say titillate you? I would suggest getting your mind out of the gutter.

I look forward to more, Fishie.

VelspertheCat
September 21st, 2011, 08:21 AM
Philistine.

I'm taping it and selling copies.


I don't comprehend... ._.

logic wishes to film you making fucks (Berserkeeer)
then he will sell it to earn many bucks (Berserkeeeer)

DreamsRequiem
September 21st, 2011, 08:24 AM
Oh? Did something I say titillate you? I would suggest getting your mind out of the gutter.

I look forward to more, Fishie.

...but I wasn't thinking of anything dirty. D:

deviatesfish
September 21st, 2011, 08:31 AM
Well, the dimensional analog for Berserker is a man named Kevin Sorbo. You'll see it in the next snip.

But yeah, Type Moon characters are not here to really take the stage. They are kind of there as supporting characters for Shirou, like that taxi driver guy was for Tiger. They will play a part, but they will not be doing any Hero work. The thing is, Shirou is going to be exploring more then Sternbild City, so you'll see quite a bit of scenes without the main cast...

TheSpy
September 21st, 2011, 09:03 AM
~Snippet~

And this story was doing so well... Dropping this like a hot potato.

deviatesfish
September 21st, 2011, 09:04 AM
Well, certainly nice to know why, but okay...?

TheSpy
September 21st, 2011, 09:06 AM
Well, certainly nice to know why, but okay...?

The "why" is, that entire scene was just incredibly off putting, and unenjoyable.

So, yeah, dropped like a lead balloon.

DreamsRequiem
September 21st, 2011, 09:08 AM
I think Spah wants it to be srz bznez all day erday. Oh well, can't be helped. Not everyone can be satisfied.

deviatesfish
September 21st, 2011, 09:11 AM
Off putting is not exactly a reason that any author can fix, you know. But whatever, I suppose those are the people I'm not supposed to attempt to please in the first place...

Larekko12
September 21st, 2011, 09:33 AM
I think the Spy would like there to be a chapter or three with the mood gradually calming down or the meeting of the walking dead(for shirou) somewhat serious. Like with shirou be choked up and exhausted croaking out father with tears in his eyes as he draws ever closer to him as you truly sympathizes with his emotional roller coaster.

VelspertheCat
September 21st, 2011, 09:34 AM
And then a pie hits him in the face.

Erlkonig
September 21st, 2011, 09:35 AM
And then a pie hits him in the face.

YES

GLORIOUS

Blackdeath6031
September 21st, 2011, 09:38 AM
COMEDY SLAPSTICK TIEMZ FOR THE WIN~

deviatesfish
September 21st, 2011, 09:39 AM
Part of the charm of the Tiger&Bunny universe is that the protagonist is practically always clueless, because the situation's seriousness level is constantly changing. Many times, Tiger is silly when everyone else is serious, and serious when everyone else is relaxed. What I'm trying to do with Shirou by giving him this confusing emotional roller coaster is necessary because even if I was not writing a story where there are dimensional analogs, this is a universe that is predominantly friendly, at least compared to the Type Moon Universe. There is no way not to take the tension down ten notches, and there's no way of not starting up that high when the situation started like so...


...But anyway, what was your opinion, Larekko?

deviatesfish
September 21st, 2011, 09:40 AM
And then a pie hits him in the face.

Hits Kiritsugu in the face? ;3

Blackdeath6031
September 21st, 2011, 09:42 AM
Hits Kiritsugu in the face? ;3....Hits everyone in the face :3

Then Gil comes out of nowhere and goes, "LOL MONGRELS, WOMEN AND CHILDREN"

VelspertheCat
September 21st, 2011, 09:43 AM
Shirou. Kiritsugu will just shoot you if you hit him in the face with a pie.

Blackdeath6031
September 21st, 2011, 09:47 AM
Shirou. Kiritsugu will just shoot you if you hit him in the face with a pie.
D:

Even with a smiley faced Ilya print pie? D;

VelspertheCat
September 21st, 2011, 09:48 AM
You need to break out the Ilyaseal brand banana peal to keep him from capping everyone's asses.

Froggie
September 21st, 2011, 09:49 AM
The thing about T&B is that even when the entire city is held hostage, when you have spousal abuse, fantastic racism, murderous vigilantes and killer androids, the setting ever loses its optimism and never takes itself so seriously that it won't crack a joke in the middle of a 'serious' moment.

Beautiful eyelashes.

Blackdeath6031
September 21st, 2011, 09:49 AM
Hm...

*googles possible locations to obtain such a product* =o

Theocrass
September 21st, 2011, 09:50 AM
How do I make it not lacking?


How do I make it not unwieldy?! T_T

I'm not writing another word of anything until you help me!


Theo! Explain yourself! Please...?


Hm... Though, I can understand. I didn't even read this over before I posted it... It could be my sloppiness.

Ah, forgive me for not responding sooner. I went right to bed after reading it.

Perhaps prose was the wrong word ... but let me give an example of what I thought was unwieldy. I think what I should have said is that I find some phrasing awkward.



The sounds are the first to enter my perception. From all sides, I hear the sounds of the city. I hear the artificial honking of horns, blaring and loud, that only modern automobiles make. The thousand sounds of human voices attack my eardrums like a thousand needles, each with their distinct flavor, some deep, some high, some powerful, and others soft. Then there come the sounds of vibrations and clashes, the sounds of modern machinery. I recognize many of them. I hear washing machines churning away, I hear watches beeping in alarm, and I hear fans whirling away.

I would remove artificial, it seems like a strange word to use there. Because the way it's used there seems to describe the action of honking as artificial, which doesn't make much sense.


Wreckages of destroyed cars, models I have never seen before, scatter before my eyes. There is an armor vehicle at the center of it all, untouched by the carnage of machines. I stop only a few meters away, patting. I did not need to pant; I was not even short of breath. This heavy breathing is a habit...


Wreckages of destroyed cars is not grammatically correct, but at the moment I do not have an alternate suggestion.

Scatter before my eyes strikes me as an odd and perhaps incorrect use of the word, but this could easily just be me.

Armor vehicle should be armored vehicle.

Carnage of the machines is something I also find very odd, though I don't see anything actually wrong with it.

Patting should be panting.

deviatesfish
September 21st, 2011, 09:52 AM
Oya! Froggie-tan, you've got beautiful eyelashes, you know? *Tiger*

EDIT: THANKS THEO! I'll get on fixing it first thing tomorrow morning!

Blackdeath6031
September 21st, 2011, 09:53 AM
The thing about T&B is that even when the entire city is held hostage, when you have spousal abuse, fantastic racism, murderous vigilantes and killer androids, the setting ever loses its optimism and never takes itself so seriously that it won't crack a joke in the middle of a 'serious' moment.

Beautiful eyelashes.

OMG

DAT HAGOROMO GITSUNE AVATAR

BD approves!

deviatesfish
September 21st, 2011, 09:55 AM
OMG

DAT HAGOROMO GITSUNE AVATAR

BD approves!

I like it too.

Theocrass
September 21st, 2011, 09:56 AM
Oh yeah, I forgot to say this, but it occurred to me the other day that as far as we know, NEXT only function as super powered crime fighters in the city of Sternhild.

The very existence of Jake Martinez makes me think NEXT might not have it so good in other parts of the world.

Blackdeath6031
September 21st, 2011, 09:58 AM
*considers changing his avatar from his Kamui avatar to an Itaku one because of that*

:x

Froggie
September 21st, 2011, 09:59 AM
OMG

DAT HAGOROMO GITSUNE AVATAR

BD approves!Someone also watches Nurarihyon?! Friend! Comrade!

deviatesfish
September 21st, 2011, 10:01 AM
Theo, I got the perfect candidate to explore that aspect of T&B... (Not Shirou)

Also, a Tsurara is fine too...!

Theocrass
September 21st, 2011, 10:04 AM
Theo, I got the perfect candidate to explore that aspect of T&B... (Not Shirou)

Also, a Tsurara is fine too...!

That's good to hear! ^o^

Did my criticism help any, Fishie?

Blackdeath6031
September 21st, 2011, 10:05 AM
Someone also watches Nurarihyon?! Friend! Comrade!
COMRAAADE! WE SHOULD TALK ABOUT NURARIHYON MORE OFTEN ON THE IRC CHANNEL \o/

I'm watching it with my mum, who loves it because of the kansai dialects used by Yura and Hidemoto :D

EDIT: Actually, knowing Hidemoto's VA does Zero/Lancer makes it all the more awesome >_<

Lovin' Rikuo's ability so far.


Also, a Tsurara is fine too...!
Indeed \o/

Me thinks Yura is also fine. But probably cannot compare to a Tsurara in terms of moe. :x

deviatesfish
September 21st, 2011, 10:06 AM
Theo, your criticism, along with Neir's and Froggie's, helps me very much! I'm still a beginner at writering, so your comments do help me see what is wrong much faster than if I had to keep writing and learn to discover my many, many flaws on my own...!

Larekko12
September 21st, 2011, 01:44 PM
Part of the charm of the Tiger&Bunny universe is that the protagonist is practically always clueless, because the situation's seriousness level is constantly changing. Many times, Tiger is silly when everyone else is serious, and serious when everyone else is relaxed. What I'm trying to do with Shirou by giving him this confusing emotional roller coaster is necessary because even if I was not writing a story where there are dimensional analogs, this is a universe that is predominantly friendly, at least compared to the Type Moon Universe. There is no way not to take the tension down ten notches, and there's no way of not starting up that high when the situation started like so...


...But anyway, what was your opinion, Larekko?

I liked it sort of. But there was a kind of dissonance. Yeah that's it. The mood whiplash kinda broke my immersion and left me hanging for major faceplant. You'd need to add some immersion in the extra sense to help flow for me. Like changing theme music from a sad, to a crash, and then slapshtick funny times music. That may be causing some lost. that Lack that is.
I think mood whiplash works better with animation myself.



The thing about T&B is that even when the entire city is held hostage, when you have spousal abuse, fantastic racism, murderous vigilantes and killer androids, the setting ever loses its optimism and never takes itself so seriously that it won't crack a joke in the middle of a 'serious' moment.

Beautiful eyelashes.

So its optomistic Black comedy and comic books but in writing you can accurately feel the tone and optimism , when written in deviate's style. That's IT!

Sherrinford
September 21st, 2011, 02:15 PM
Someone also watches Nurarihyon?! Friend! Comrade!

Me too. And indeed, Hagoromo-Gitsune has style...


update

Of course you updated when I was AFK... mah, I enjoyed it. Not so much Kiritsugu's characters, but ok, I liked it.

Illya... sweeeet (as always, after all).

(well, except when she's trying to kill you, but you get the point :3)

Just, this


There’s no way that my little sister could be this cute…

No. Don't even start it.

Theocrass
September 21st, 2011, 03:05 PM
Theo, your criticism, along with Neir's and Froggie's, helps me very much! I'm still a beginner at writering, so your comments do help me see what is wrong much faster than if I had to keep writing and learn to discover my many, many flaws on my own...!

Now that I have some time, I'll look over it in a bit more detail today, see if I can make any more suggestions.

rajvir
September 21st, 2011, 05:58 PM
intriging story hope you update soon.

warellis
September 21st, 2011, 06:13 PM
Enjoyable story. Personally I hope that we don't see that many T-M characters in this story, so that it can really push that Shirou isn't in Kansas anymore, that he's a stranger in a strange land.

ItsaRandomUsername
September 21st, 2011, 06:36 PM
@Theo:

Excellent point you make there, especialy when you consider Maverick's final words to the Heroes. It's almost an X-Men-y vibe when you think of it.

Sherrinford
September 21st, 2011, 06:48 PM
The very existence of Jake Martinez makes me think NEXT might not have it so good in other parts of the world.

...

... isn't it sad, Kriem?

Froggie
September 21st, 2011, 06:55 PM
It might be so, that NEXT are discriminated in other parts of the T&B world, but you forget a phenomena that is very real in our own world and would definitely translate into the T&B world.

A successful reality show will spawn an endless horde of copy cats hoping to cash in on the success.

Theocrass
September 21st, 2011, 07:01 PM
It might be so, that NEXT are discriminated in other parts of the T&B world, but you forget a phenomena that is very real in our own world and would definitely translate into the T&B world.

A successful reality show will spawn an endless horde of copy cats hoping to cash in on the success.

This is not untrue.

However, that does not mean those shows would treat their heroes well.

Sherrinford
September 21st, 2011, 07:06 PM
Ehm, I think you're taking T&B too seriously... sure, we have Kriem, but nothing suggests that NEXT in other parts of the world _usually_ are treated in a X-men-like way.

ItsaRandomUsername
September 21st, 2011, 07:47 PM
Maverick did imply that there was some sort of prejudice - or there might have been - before the popularity of/were it not for HeroTV, if I remember correctly.

Sherrinford
September 21st, 2011, 08:00 PM
Maverick did imply that there was some sort of prejudice - or there might have been - before the popularity of/were it not for HeroTV, if I remember correctly.

Uh, yeah. Kind of. I interpreted it in another way, but you interpretation works too.

deviatesfish
September 21st, 2011, 08:02 PM
Remember the little boy getting bullied with the statue powers in that one episode? People seem to treat NEXT and Heroes as separate things...

Sherrinford
September 21st, 2011, 08:08 PM
^ yeah.

Totally forgot about that. I think I should analyze T&B again...

Theocrass
September 21st, 2011, 08:11 PM
I run out of the bank, stumbling and falling fast first against the pavement. There is a crunch of bone against cement, but I am only bruised. I need to run. I need to escape. I need… I need…

I just keep running, the events of this night, the battle for the grail, the fight against Gilgamesh, everything, this pressure… it all comes crashing down against my mind, under pressure.


Under pressure seems redundant and unnecessary here, mostly since he just mentioned the pressure on his mind.



With a swirl of her long, red hair, the woman giggles. She doesn’t stand out from the crowd at all, wearing nothing but a simple white shirt and a pair of jeans, that even her unusual calm and strange giddiness causes no questions.

With a twirl of her suitcase, she walks down the white steps of the bank with only a mental note to talk to her sister tucked far, far away, and laughs to herself in a rich and sultry yet so innocent voice, “I wonder what his name is, this dashing, new hero?”


That sentence could use a bit of cleaning. It's simple enough to get the gist of it, but it's somewhat ... choppy.

VelspertheCat
September 21st, 2011, 11:37 PM
No. Don't even start it.

Start what?

nununu
September 21st, 2011, 11:42 PM
No. Don't even start it.Start what?

Sherrinford seems to have a selective aversion to crossovers.

deviatesfish
September 22nd, 2011, 12:34 AM
I dunno what you're talking about~ :3

Sherrinford
September 22nd, 2011, 07:12 AM
Start what?


There’s no way that my little sister could be this cute…

Don't start crossovers with crappy... things.

deviatesfish
September 22nd, 2011, 07:16 AM
It was one sentence...? T_T

Sherrinford
September 22nd, 2011, 07:18 AM
It was one sentence...? T_T

Crappy things shouldn't be brought up, even if in just one sentence, but left into the oblivion they deserve.

But don't worry, I'm not angry at you.

nununu
September 22nd, 2011, 02:01 PM
Crappy things shouldn't be brought up, even if in just one sentence, but left into the oblivion they deserve.

Sorry, that's just you. Just because you can't handle one part of a crossover doesn't mean it doesn't have potential.

FSN/Tsukihime x Oreimo, would make a for fun comedy/SoL setting. Maybe even as an FSN X Tsukihime love-com'ish after-story.

Not every story has to be dark to be good. It's not as if such a crossover is already grounds for emotional conflict.

Sherrinford
September 22nd, 2011, 02:03 PM
Not every story has to be dark to be good.

But every story has to be good.

nununu
September 22nd, 2011, 02:05 PM
But every story has to be good.

And nothing says it can't be. Just because you can't make it happen, doesn't mean it couldn't be.

Sherrinford
September 22nd, 2011, 02:17 PM
Sorry, that's just you. Just because you can't handle one part of a crossover doesn't mean it doesn't have potential.

Indeed. But if I of all people can't handle something, it means it's shit.


FSN/Tsukihime x Oreimo, would make a for fun comedy/SoL setting. Maybe even as an FSN X Tsukihime love-com'ish after-story.

*snerk*

*snort*

You want to know how such a crossover would be like (IMO)? A classic SoL Tsukihime/FSN story with a recorded laugh track. You laugh because you're supposed to, not because it's funny.


And nothing says it can't be. Just because you can't make it happen, doesn't mean it couldn't be.

Indeed. But I'd like to point out that, just because you can somehow make a crossover, you don't have to. Quite the opposite, in fact.

Anyway, whatever.

rajvir
September 22nd, 2011, 05:28 PM
deviate when are you going to update I can hardly wait

Zer0light
September 24th, 2011, 06:38 PM
been following your fic. can't wait for the next update!

rajvir
September 24th, 2011, 11:17 PM
been following your fic. can't wait for the next update!
I agree with this I hope you update soon.

Muramasa
September 24th, 2011, 11:19 PM
...stop needlessly bumping.