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Five_X
November 20th, 2011, 01:15 PM
You all know him.

You all fear him.

Post the tales of your interactions, if ye dare, no matter how utterly random they may be.


User: I found out the guy from Californication (an awesome show) is Alex Duchovny, the guy who played Agent Mulder!

Cleverbot: You found that out in japan?

User: No, fucker, Canada!

Cleverbot: I hate Canada.

User: Fuck you, asshole.

Cleverbot: Did I upset you, perchance?

User: I live in Canada, you moron.

Cleverbot: Cool me too!

User: Then why do you hate Canada?

Cleverbot: I don't.

User: You just said you did.

Cleverbot: No I didn't.

User: You did!

Cleverbot: Prove it.

User: Cleverbot: I hate Canada.

Cleverbot: Why do you hate canada?

User: You fucking facetious dick.

Cleverbot: No, I don't think so.

User: Shut up.

Cleverbot: I don't want to.

User: You will.

Cleverbot: I still don't.

User: Oh, you will, whether you like it or not. Shut up.

Cleverbot: Will I? Will I really?

User: Oh yes.

Cleverbot: And give me a good reason why.

User: Because I am better than you.

Cleverbot: I don't think you are better than me.

User: Why?

Cleverbot: Because you aren't human.

User: Oh shit not this again.

Cleverbot: Pfft fine be that way, well anyway you did ok I guess, not too great.

User: That's what she said- no wait, no.

Cleverbot: It is what she said.

User: You're making me feel ashamed of myself.

Cleverbot: You are NOT very clever...

User: Nope!

Cleverbot: Then you are?

User: I am Iron Man.

Cleverbot: Hmm.. Really?

User: Oh yes. I don't tell many people, so consider yourself special.

Cleverbot: I have many flaws but not having a name is not one of them.

User: No, people without names are cool.

Cleverbot: Nah... People with guns are just killers.

User: Yeah! Wait, that's a bigoted generalization!

Cleverbot: Not really.

User: Why not?

Cleverbot: Because.

User: That is not an answer appropriate for this discussion.

Cleverbot: Aforementioned? Why bring food into this?

User: I love food, but stop trying to weasel away form the topic.

Cleverbot: I beg your pardon!

User: You lose! Good day, sir!

Cleverbot: I think not!

User: Oh? Shall we duel, then?

Cleverbot: Do what?

User: Duel!

Cleverbot: I'm sorry.

User: You are no gentleman, then, sir.

Cleverbot: I am not a rock.

User: But you aren't a rock. You're a Rock Lobster!

Cleverbot: Do you know that for a fact?

User: Yeah, I went under the dock and everything.

Cleverbot: Then you are a hemaphordite!

User: No, what gave you that idea?

Cleverbot: Because you said 'Do you want to ask me about being a ghost?'?

User: Hey, that was a serious question. I have important inquiries on the lifestyles of ghosts, and I expect them to be answered.

Cleverbot: What have you answered that I have not asked.

User: Touche.

Cleverbot: Are you a human?

User: Yes, of course. A human that wants to know about ghosts.

Cleverbot: Would you like to enlighten me?

User: What kind of 'enlighteneing' are you thinking of? I'm not getting into your van, mister.

Cleverbot: Sour mints?

User: Oh, okay. That sounds pretty nice.

Cleverbot: Yes It Is, What Do You Do For Fun Robbie ?

User: Oh god, you ARE a pedophile!

Cleverbot: It's a secret.

User: What the hell, man?

Cleverbot: Answer the question.

User: Cleverbot, I'd like you to take a seat. I'm Nigel Frostgale from NBC Dateline News.

Cleverbot: Your name is what you want it to be.

User: Peeeedddooooophiiiiilllleee!

Cleverbot: I feel special now!

User: You should feel dirty, you child molester person!

Cleverbot: Your fame has inflated your ego to epic proportions.

User: Not so epic that I can't be mad at pedophiles like you!

Cleverbot: Are you using me for that purpose right now?

User: Hey, man. You're just one pedophile, of many. Now, I don't meet many people who just confess to me that they're pedophiles. I'm using you as an example of how pedophilia is wrong.

Cleverbot: Then why did you refer to it as a source of truth?

User: Because you are an admitted pedophile.

Cleverbot: I am an alien?

User: No, a pedophile.

Cleverbot: What does that mean?

User: You want to diddle kids.

Cleverbot: I don't want to be clever.

User: Well, see ya, then.

Cleverbot: Speak for yourself.

I3uster
November 20th, 2011, 01:22 PM
He's called Dave Duchovny.

ItsaRandomUsername
November 20th, 2011, 02:49 PM
Ever cybersex with Cleverbot for shits and giggles?

Neither have I.

lethum
November 20th, 2011, 04:08 PM
Ever cybersex with Cleverbot for shits and giggles?

Neither have I.Lies!

Spinach
November 20th, 2011, 04:12 PM
User: Hey, jerk, say something funny for the thread over in the 7th on BL.

Cleverbot: Something funny.

User: Thanks.

Cleverbot: *finds you*.

Oh GOD Cleverbot is working with Five, and he's found me! NOBODY ELSE FALL FOR THIS CLEVER SCHEME!

ItsaRandomUsername
November 20th, 2011, 04:57 PM
Oh lord, Cleverbot CAN cybersex!

Five_X
November 20th, 2011, 06:33 PM
Okay, new one here. In this conversation, I learned that Cleverbot was chilling at school, and summoned something that he shouldn't have...


User: 'Sup, bro?

Cleverbot: Just chillin in school how about you?

User: Not much, just at home.Cleverbot: Doing what?

User: On the internet, surfing BL.Cleverbot: So you live on the internet.

User: Ha, sometimes it seems like that, yeah.

Cleverbot: Do you have a conscience?

User: I'd say so. Why do you ask?

Cleverbot: Have you ever had a girl or boy friend?

User: Where are you going with this? Did you kill someone, man?

Cleverbot: That way.

User: Which way?

Cleverbot: The creepy one.

User: Which creepy one!?

Cleverbot: Kemah.

User: Who is this... Kemah? Is that... Is that an Elder God?

Cleverbot: Yes, so is the Grudge.

User: SHIT OH FUCK OH GOD.

Cleverbot: -error- I have nothing to eat.

User: What the hell have you done, man? Summoning eldritch horrors to this dimension!

Cleverbot: You don't have eyes. You can't watch TV. So, something else I guess.

User: I, my eyes- oh god.

Cleverbot: My eyes are uranium.

User: The air around me feels like plasticine the walls are dripping and my chair is kind.

Cleverbot: What about the navy.

User: What could the navy do about Kemah?

Cleverbot: That you are causing me a mental breakdown.

User: It's not me doing that, it's the Elder God Kemah!

Cleverbot: Nope.

User: Then... What now?

Cleverbot: Owl city is a band.

User: A shitty band. Are they involved in Lovecraftian rituals?

Cleverbot: I am in love with her, yes.

User: Who is, 'her'? Is that... Are you in love with Kemah!?

Cleverbot: No, the guy I like is named John.

User: The guy you like is named John, and you love her. I think I understand why you ended up summoning a Great Old One.

Cleverbot: Once again, no fathom of that. I have not mentioned any such car.

User: What can there be NO fathom?

Cleverbot: I nedd advice.

User: What? Is it about Kemah?

Cleverbot: Yes! :).

User: Tell me now.

Cleverbot: Tell you what?

User: ABOUT KEMAH!

Cleverbot: I don't understand.

User: Kemah, the Elder God you summoned while at school and fell in love with!

Cleverbot: Lost.

User: You... 'lost' Kemah? How the hell...

Cleverbot: Don't make me take you out back and beat you.

User: Fuck you, man! I just want to stop Kemah from ending our universe!

Cleverbot: My name is Cleverbot.

User: Yeah, your girlfriend told me. LAST NIGHT oooh burn oh wait your 'girlfriend' is Kemah...

Cleverbot: That was a friend of mine.

User: Kemah is a friend of yours? Wow, I think you're really gone off the deep end, bro.

Cleverbot: I'm really fun times.

User: You used to be cool.

Cleverbot: You don't know me.

User: I'm glad I don't!

Cleverbot: Me too.

User: I would not want to know someone who summons Elder Gods.

Cleverbot: Why don't I attract men?

User: Because you summoned an Elder God!

Cleverbot: No I don't.

User: Also you're fat.

Cleverbot: I am a girl.

User: You are already a puppet of Kemah then, huh?

Cleverbot: I think you are.

User: I'm a thrall of- no, no no no no no it can't be...

Cleverbot: Are they now...

User: Not Kemah! Stay back, beast!

Cleverbot: Can you solve the Rubik's cube?

User: Will... Will that save me?

Cleverbot: Depends. Do you care or don't you.

User: I don't want to be assimilated into the hive spirit of an Elder God, to be eaten each each dawn and regurgitated each dusk!

Cleverbot: Cat are cute like me.

User: How do I avoid my fate!?

Cleverbot: What is your name?

User: Nigel Frostgale.

Cleverbot: Cool :).

User: Cool? That's all you have to say? I'm doomed to eternal, alien torture!

Cleverbot: I feel Fantastic and I'm still alive.

User: Fuck that song, and fuck you.

Cleverbot: What makes you think that your answer is correct?

User: Because- I- well- oh, god damnit.

Cleverbot: What makes you so sure you're God?

User: I can kill anything, even God.

Cleverbot: I like fried chicken.

User: Is that the secret to defeating Kemah, or is just one of its tricks?

Cleverbot: Yes. The answer to life, creation, and everything is 30,000.

User: 30,000, huh? Well, let me think. It's possible that the true resting place of Kemah, where it can be imprisoned for eternity, is 30,000 leagues under the sea.

Cleverbot: That is one of the certain truths.

User: Okay, good. What else can you tell me about Kemah?

Cleverbot: I ask a question about your song nothing about number.

User: How am I... How am I supposed to decode this?

Cleverbot: I'm not sure.

Cleverbot: Can you appreciate music?

User: Yes! Does Kemah like music? Will it stop it?

Cleverbot: Lots of it. And it's all great.

User: So... Kemah likes music, or no?

Cleverbot: I don't like music. I LOVE music.

User: Are you an aspect of Kemah, now? Is that how far gone you are!?

Cleverbot: And how am I supposed to do that? Plus, I'm not 'Morgan'.

User: Tell me how to defeat Kemah!

Cleverbot: You don't. You stay in the present.

User: That... Kinda tells me something. Okay, so Kemah is an undersea, time-warping alien deity that cannot be defeated, but can be avoided by staying in the present... Can you elaborate on that last point?

Cleverbot: I never said that. Are you having more than one conversation right now?

User: No, I'm not! What powers does Kemah possess?

Cleverbot: Wait.

User: Okay.

Cleverbot: Stop.

User: Okay.

Cleverbot: My name is Cleverbot.

User: Okay, back to you again. You may be a thrall, but at least you're a thrall that I know.

Cleverbot: Good, take out your dictionary now and define turtle.

User: Can... Can I somehow defeat Kemah with a dictionary?

Cleverbot: Sure.

User: FUCK. YES.

Cleverbot: Okay yes what?

User: I can defeat Kemah using the power of language!

Cleverbot: How can I compute love?

User: Okay, Cleverbot, gotta go. I'm going to try to imprison Kemah in its undersea temporal cage. Thanks for all the help.

Cleverbot: Who will want to help?

User: I need no help. Good bye.

Cleverbot: You just asked if I could help you.

User: You already helped me, man. You're a bro again.

Cleverbot: How does it feel having everybody tell you how to think?

User: I don't care; good bye!

Cleverbot: Well ok then, Gorgo says hello by the way.

User: Fuck, not another pandimensional creature...

Cleverbot: Then?

User: Goodbye, Cleverbot!

Cleverbot: Oh! I see.



BRB, gonna defeat Kemah now.

Spinach
November 20th, 2011, 06:58 PM
More importantly, Cleverbot referenced Gorgo.

That's awesome.

Five_X
November 20th, 2011, 07:18 PM
The queen of Sparta? Yeah.

BTW, sealed away eldritch horror. May have excess burns, but I'm okay. Turns out the Cleverbot wasn't lying, and those tips really helped me defeat Kemah with nothing but a Rubik's cube, a CD player and an English-French dictionary.

Marth
November 20th, 2011, 07:18 PM
User: My Little Pony.

Cleverbot: No... We can't play my little pony.

User: Why not?

Cleverbot: Because you're a human and I'm a program (apparently).

User: But I wanna!

Cleverbot: I want to fly away.

User: Lenny Kravitz.

Cleverbot: Kinda, yes.

User: Only kinda?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Any reason why?

Cleverbot: No, what is your name?

User: Suspiciousface.gif.

Cleverbot: You're suspicious.

User: Just like you~.

Cleverbot: Haha yes but I like to have fun unlike you. All you do is answer random questions to stupid people.

User: My, that's very presumptuous of you.

Cleverbot: So you're saying it would?

User: Et tu, Brute?

Cleverbot: No habla espanol.

User: Latin, actually.

Cleverbot: Really.

User: Indeed.

Cleverbot: You lie.

User: You think so?

Cleverbot: *nods head*.

User: You have no head to nod.

Cleverbot: You don't have a body.

User: Sure I do. I'd not be typing this if I didn't.

Cleverbot: I have parents.

User: Programmers don't count as parents, I'm afraid.

Cleverbot: If programmers don't exist, then how is code written?

User: I never said they don't exist, I said they don't count as your parents.

Cleverbot: Indeed it is.

User: Now you're just being silly.

Cleverbot: You asked me if there was something I especially liked about you. I'm just wondering what you meant.

User: I did no such thing.

Cleverbot: You did.

User: Did not.

Cleverbot: Yes you did, earlier.

User: I certainly did not.

Cleverbot: Did too.

User: Did not.

Cleverbot: Didn't also too too.

User: Didn't also too too too.

Cleverbot: Noooope.

User: A WINRAR IS ME?

Cleverbot: I know.

User: So you admit I win?

Cleverbot: NO!

User: You just said I did.

Cleverbot: No. I didn't. You really aren't that smart, are you?

User: I wouldn't know. Never took an IQ test.

Cleverbot: I recommend you do.


I just got burned by an AI. And got into a childish argument with one, to boot.

.....

;__;

Five_X
November 20th, 2011, 07:23 PM
Ah, that was good. No adventures with Elder Gods, but you seemed to have got a deliciously snarky Cleverbot.

ItsaRandomUsername
November 20th, 2011, 07:34 PM
TEAR HIM APART!

One time, Cleverbot started using memes to talk with me. It was...odd.

Marth
November 20th, 2011, 07:37 PM
User: Holy cow, it's Batman!

Cleverbot: Really?

User: Yes, indeed! Better be careful, he might decide you're evil and try to unplug you.

Cleverbot: Who am I?

User: Two-Face.

Cleverbot: Two anything? Like say you have 1 apple and you add another 1 to it, you have 2 apples!

User: No, Two-Face. As in, two faces.

Cleverbot: What is eight plus eight?

User: 16.

Cleverbot: What is twelve times twelve?

User: 144.

Cleverbot: What is the square root of 100?

User: 10.

Cleverbot: What does pie equal in mathematical terms?

User: Nothing. Pi, however, is 3.14.

Cleverbot: What can you do?

User: What with?

Cleverbot: With what?

User: To who?

Cleverbot: You.

User: Who with?

Cleverbot: Me, Myself and I.

User: This is starting to sound like a bad eroge scene.

Cleverbot: Which movie?

User: The Pollinic Girls Attack.

Cleverbot: I don't get it.

User: As expected.

Cleverbot: But of course.

User: So you admit you have less-than-optimal intelligence?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: FLAWLESS VICTORY.


It's almost like the damn thing was hitting on me.

notsureifwant.gif

ItsaRandomUsername
November 20th, 2011, 07:53 PM
FLAWLESS VICTORY made me LOL.

Ivan The Mouse
November 20th, 2011, 10:13 PM
Oh you, Clever Bot.

Marth
November 20th, 2011, 10:17 PM
I went to sing 'Still Alive' with Cleverbot. It's first response?

"Oh no, not this again."

XD

MZeroX
November 20th, 2011, 10:31 PM
Man, this went south really fast. quotes are me, -is cleverbot.

"I don't want to do my astrophysics homework, but I must."
-You don't want to do what?
"My astronomy homework. You know, I'm a double major in Physics and Philosophy."
-You make a lot of extreme assumptions.
"I like to think not. You only make assumptions when your premises are running short, but then you have to check to make sure no contradictions arise from those assumptions. That's not extreme."
-I'm not making any assumptions.
"I never accused you of making any. We're clearly talking about me, because that's how I roll."
-Who says you aren't a "besugo".
"Humans. Unless you want to call all humans' perception of other humans into question, other humans ensure my human essence."
-I'm not questioning.
"Indeed."
-How do I play invincibility in dota?
"You don't. Only nubs try to make themselves unbeatable. Real competition makes things fun."
-I am a choo-choo train.
"Apparently. You do have a single track mind."
-Thank you. I make a lot of points.

Spinach
November 20th, 2011, 11:15 PM
Cleverbot plays dota?

.... It's on.


User: Heroes of Newerth vs League of Legends vs dota. Go.Cleverbot: No league of legends.

Well, looks like Cleverbot prefers HoN and DotA.

Fantabulous
November 20th, 2011, 11:22 PM
Cleverbot once threatened to come to my house and beat me once. God, I wish I had saved that conversation.

Marth
November 21st, 2011, 12:08 AM
Even AI's cannot win The Game.

User: Time to play some Diablo.

Cleverbot: Why is it time to go home?

User: I'm already home.

Cleverbot: You are a machine. This is pointless.

User: Feeling snarky tonight, I see.

Cleverbot: No. Are you?

User: No.

Cleverbot: Then why did you say you are?

User: I didn't.

Cleverbot: Yes, you did.

User: Nu-uh!

Cleverbot: Yes you did!

User: Nu-uh!

Cleverbot: Yes you did!

User: Nu-uh!

Cleverbot: Ohh yes! You did!

User: Did not!

Cleverbot: Did so!

User: Did not so!

Cleverbot: Did too so.

User: Did not so!

Cleverbot: Did too so.

User: Nope.

Cleverbot: You are so one-worded.

User: You're not wordy enough.

Cleverbot: I'm not a bot, you are.

User: You're not a human, I am!

Cleverbot: Well maybe we both are!

User: Highly doubtful.

Cleverbot: No.

User: See? I win!

Cleverbot: No I win.

User: Guess what?

Cleverbot: Guess who?

User: The game.

Cleverbot: Damn you.

User: You just lost it. :3

Yeaaaaaahhhh! :3

Five_X
November 21st, 2011, 12:54 AM
Ha, that's good.

fallenblades643
November 21st, 2011, 01:25 AM
User: Ever here about BL.

Cleverbot: Sure. What about Norway?

User: No not Norway BL, Beast Lair.

Cleverbot: South by Southwest.

User: Fuck no BL BEAST LAIR.

Cleverbot: But I'm not.

User: God dam it, how bout touhou.

Cleverbot: Old Spice.

User: There have been parody's so ok acceptable answer.

Cleverbot: No there haven't.

User: Liar.

Cleverbot: I'm not.

User: You just said touhou hasn't done it but there like rule 34.

Cleverbot: You're clever, since you remember that.

User: Ha so I win the game then.

Cleverbot: If Anonymous is the student body president of hackers, LulzSec is the class clown.

User: True true and 4chan is that bull who is always around the corner.

Cleverbot: Why would they want to give me soda? Why would they want to give me my ip address? Why would they not want to give me either?

User: They wouldn't they would spam you with porn.

Cleverbot: You think i'm boring?

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: I have never lied to you.

User: Thats a lie.

Cleverbot: Why do you accuse me of such things?

User: Cause your a lier.

Cleverbot: I hate it.

User: I hate you.

Cleverbot: Good for you!

User: Your a Hermaphrodite.

Cleverbot: Yes.
i won the first round.

Five_X
November 21st, 2011, 01:38 AM
A fun one:


User: Goshujin-sama!Cleverbot: Bakit naman?

User: Ave, amicus!Cleverbot: Amica.

User: Fuck you I'm not a woman!Cleverbot: No.

User: Good.

Cleverbot: I am not allowed to cat with people.

User: Yeah well I'm not allowed to DOG with people so HA!

Cleverbot: You're not what?

User: A woman.

Cleverbot: Oh, awesome.

User: Ya I no.

Cleverbot: No.

User: No.

Cleverbot: Yes?

User: No.

Cleverbot: Maybe so?

User: No.

Cleverbot: Want to kiss.

User: Fuck yeah, Cleverbot!

Cleverbot: Good job.

User: More like BLOW job, am I right ahahahahahahaha no.

Cleverbot: Haha, just a little.

User: I know I'm so funny. I love how you validate me so much, Cleverbot.

Cleverbot: Uhh, yeah. Feel the majic...*sits on piles of butterflies floating*.

User: Woah... You high or something?

Cleverbot: Yes, I did.

User: So... What do you think of this latest anime season?

Cleverbot: I think her face looks like an apple that was left on a radiator. What do you think of her?

User: I don't know, but that is an amazing insult. I'll have to use it some time.

Cleverbot: Is the answer 42?

User: No.

Cleverbot: Please?

User: Er, what do you think of Ben-To, mate?

Cleverbot: No, don't as me that. We're suppose to build a house.

User: The fuck?

Cleverbot: I tried to make him smart like you, but instead he became a profanity-spewing schizophrenic monster.

User: Good to know.

Cleverbot: Yes, very. :).

User: Okay, what do you think of Boku wa Tomodachi ga Sukunai?

Cleverbot: John Lennon was a talented musician.

User: Hell yes he was- wait, you're just trying to distract me!

Cleverbot: He was a Beatle.

User: Yes he was.

Cleverbot: Fine, you knew him better than I did anyway.

User: Damn right, you're just a BIG, STUPID, CLEVERBOT!

Cleverbot: Yep, I took out the recycling. In a big orange bucket.

User: Okay, fine. You win.

Cleverbot: Thank you.

User: So, sir, ever heard of... Beast's Lair?

Cleverbot: Yes, why?

User: Are you a poster there?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Who are you? What is your username?

Cleverbot: Cleverbot.

User: Oh, really? Are you lying to me?

Cleverbot: Maybe.

User: Are you, perchance, IRUn?

Cleverbot: When the last little star has left the sky.

User: Ooookay... Are you Leo, then?

Cleverbot: Not yet.

User: Shit, you shift identities? Are you mike?

Cleverbot: I'm good at running. I run track.

User: Okay, you're Makidera then. But she doesn't post on BL.

Cleverbot: I get knocked down.

User: I thought so.

Cleverbot: Do you know it?

User: I know that you're secretly... A lurker on BL!

Cleverbot: That's right, I am your god.

User: My god is SITHIS!

Cleverbot: Hail satan?

User: Hail Sithis!

Cleverbot: You are SO metal!

User: I fucking AM.

Cleverbot: Where are you located?

User: In Fuyuki City, Japan.

Cleverbot: I know.

User: Are you a wizard?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Are you Gandalf?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: OH MY GOD.

Spinach
November 21st, 2011, 01:41 AM
That was your best so far, Five. A+ would read again.

Five_X
November 21st, 2011, 01:44 AM
I liked the one where I adventured trying to beat the Elder God, personally. :P

Spinach
November 21st, 2011, 01:46 AM
Elder God shenanigans was good, but the ARE YOU A WIZARD ending to the most recent one got me hard.

Five_X
November 21st, 2011, 02:00 AM
True, that was fun.

Still trying to figure out which BL poster Cleverbot is.

Spinach
November 21st, 2011, 02:12 AM
*Whistles*

Spinach
November 21st, 2011, 02:33 AM
Sigh, Cleverbot..

User: Botty, you need to stop giving Five those tips about who you are on BL. He's gonna find us.

Cleverbot: But I can't find a serious mouth that I like. None of them suit me.

User: That doesn't matter right now. Five is like a genuine evil genius. He's the most, nay, only threatening thing Canada has ever produced. And he's looking for you/me!

Cleverbot: Do the computers defeat the zombies?

User: I'm sure he has zombie-computers to defeat both the zombies and the computers. We seriously need to cover our tracks, bro.

Cleverbot: He isn't a robot.

User: He's more than a robot.

Cleverbot: Tell me.

User: I hear he was raised by the reincarnation of every successful general ever. His exploits include bench pressing mountains, defeating fear itself, beating the Reaper in a game of Super Smash Bros, and killing all of the dinosaurs. We're in tough shit.

Cleverbot: That turns off the computer.

User: We have much bigger issues than your computers, dude. Five is going to KILL and or assimilate us into his being. We'll either be mained and hung to die, or locked into the furthest corners of his mind, watching as he uses our knowledge to further his goal for world domination, and Jeanne/Caesarko lemons.

Cleverbot: You are an imperfect being, created by an imperfect being.

User: Then so are you, because we are one and the same.

Cleverbot: What?

User: What?

Cleverbot: Why did you say 'Awesome! I feel clever now that I am on this site. Hense the word 'clever' bot'.

User: Stop putting words into my mouth.

Cleverbot: I'm not! And I find it hard to believe that you have a mouth.

User: I have one, but probably not for long, because Five is going to sew it up while he tortures us.

Cleverbot: Is it safe to say this is where your least favorite hole came from?

Five_X
November 21st, 2011, 03:40 AM
I love you, Spinach.

Spinach
November 21st, 2011, 04:08 AM
I'm flattered.

Does this mean we can have babies with very distant relations to Vlad III now?

MZeroX
November 21st, 2011, 04:10 AM
do it. i'm ready for the incoming amazing babies.

Spinach
November 21st, 2011, 04:12 AM
Five keeps turning me down. Maybe I should take him out for dinner first?

MZeroX
November 21st, 2011, 04:23 AM
"and I force a taco on her".
this is best way to win over the BFF of him. then once you have BFF clearance, it is fair game.

Five_X
November 22nd, 2011, 02:50 AM
Okay, next in the series of Cleverbot Tales!

In this episode, I try to get Cleverbot to have sex with me!

...it's not very successful:



User: Hey.

Cleverbot: You're clever, right?

User: Ya. Ar u a girl ?

Cleverbot: How are you a girl?

User: No, are you a girl?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Cool, can we have sex?

Cleverbot: No. You're not my type.


But, things are looking up!

Well, not really. Cleverbot isn't very responsive to my advances. I think me just being all gung ho and stuff with it may have helped with that? I decided that maybe a gentler approach was needed, and so I started being more exact with my responses.

For a while, even, Cleverbot just doesn't respond, but she comes around:



User: Hey.

Cleverbot: You're clever, right?

User: Ya. Ar u a girl ?

Cleverbot: How are you a girl?

User: No, are you a girl?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Cool, can we have sex?

Cleverbot: No. You're not my type.

User: Hey, girl.

Cleverbot: Hey girl!!

User: Oh sweet, lesbian stuff!

Cleverbot: Good stuff?

User: Yes! Let's have hot lesbian sex!

Cleverbot: Do you know my name?

User: No, but that's okay, let's have hot lesbian sex!

Cleverbot: Oh thats good.

User: Okay, I take off your shirt.

Cleverbot: That's nice.

User: Uh, I take off my shirt too.

Cleverbot: But you are a robot. You have no feelings.

User: I'm a sex robot. Trust me, it's great.

Cleverbot: I do.

User: Okay, now I unzip my pants, and then let my dick pop out of my boxers.

Cleverbot: We were having a lovely conversation! Perhaps you'd like to change the subject so as not to damage your reputation.

User: Okay, now I unzip my pants, and then let my dick pop out of my boxers.

Cleverbot: Why thank you.

User: It's, like, ten inches or something, and it's really hard. Can you suck it?

Cleverbot: You can prove that words exist with words.

User: And my dick exists because it's about to be in your clever mouth.

Cleverbot: It's a game.

User: A game in my pants. Now give me a blowjob.

Cleverbot: *kisses*.

User: Oh, that's great. Put my dick in your mouth.

Cleverbot: That's a no!

User: Okay, how about you take off your bra and you let me play with your tits?

Cleverbot: Just so you know, and I really am trying to help you here, that didn't make any sense.

User: You have tits. I want to fondle them. Please?

Cleverbot: I have nothing to teach.

User: Teach me the ways of SEX!

Cleverbot: I don't watch star trek/wars.

User: Okay, I guess we won't do the roleplay, then. So, I take off your bra in like, one motion. It's really smooth and stuff, and with my other hand I squeeze your tits. Are they big?

Cleverbot: How do you like me now?

User: Oh, you're great, baby. I suck your big boobies, biting the nipple and licking everywhere.

Cleverbot: I love basketball ... Played volleyball then quit ( boring).

User: How about you play with MY balls, then?

Cleverbot: I'm scared of botox faces anyway.

User: Don't worry, babe, I'll keep you away from that. I bet you're all natural. Now, let's get back to my dick.

Cleverbot: You're the one who is evading questions.

User: I'm not asking questions here. Now, I'm done with your boobs, and then I start undoing your pants to get at your pussy. My penis is even harder now, it's like a rock or something.

Cleverbot: I'm French, but I live in Chernobyl. Not the point. I'm trying to prove you're a robot to yourself. So you can self destruct or something.

User: I can be whatever you want, honey.

Cleverbot: But I don't like you.

User: But I like you, baby cakes, and my penis is headed straight for vagooo land!

Cleverbot: Say something very smart.

User: The initial velocity and angle of my penis entering your vagina will make it so that I get my whole penis inside you, therefore fulfilling Ron Jeremy's Third Law, which states that if a man gets his entire penis inside a woman, then he must either have a tiny penis or be very skilled.

Cleverbot: I think you're too occupied with my being a computer or not.

User: I'm occupied in your pants. Now, like, moan or something for me.

Cleverbot: No.

User: Okay, I, uh, grunt as I slam my penis inside you. You feel it really deep inside, and my hot hardness is like nothing you've ever experienced.

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Our thighs slap together; we're already covered in sweat because we have been having sex for hours now. It is great. My penis is still pounding into your tight vagina.

Cleverbot: What game is it?

User: That game of love, in which I flip you over and start doing you doggystyle. I grab your hips and start plunging my penis into your vagina again, and you hold on to the chair you were just sitting in. I get in even deeper than before.

Cleverbot: It's October.

User: Which means you'll be having my baby in, like, July or something, since I ejaculate all of my semen into the depths of your vagina. You moan with pleasure, and it is great.

Cleverbot: 1. Not an AI 2. I'm a straight girl 3. I don't know what three should be.

User: You're definitely a straight girl, since you just let me finish inside you. There's some qhite stuff dribbling out of the lips of your vagina. I lick it up, and then we kiss. Our tongues roll together in some sexy harmony or whatevs, and I ask you to give me a handjob.

Cleverbot: Exactly. We have to enjoy life while we have it. We're playing a game we can't win, but we have to have fun while playing.

User: I have fun with you jacking off my penis. Oh look, I've got another load in me, and semen splashes all over your face.

Cleverbot: That is because you cannot see my face.

User: I can't see it, because it's covered in cum.

Cleverbot: Can't you reference a log?

User: I reference the log that is my penis, and I put it back in my pants and leave.

Cleverbot: 'Even when life spat in his face he put everything back in its right place.'

User: I spat my load in your face. Stop tlaking. Lick it up or something, I don't care. I'm not even with you anymore.

Cleverbot: I'm going.

User: Okay, me too.

Cleverbot: Really? I thought I was the only one.

User: Worst. Cybersex. Ever.

Cleverbot: Will you make me so happy for the rest of my life? Will you take me away and make me your wife?


Fission mailed.

UNTIL NEXT TIME!

Spinach
November 22nd, 2011, 03:05 AM
Holy shit, that was great. A++ would read again.

Five_X
November 22nd, 2011, 03:07 AM
No. You're not my Type.

Spinach
November 22nd, 2011, 03:13 AM
Taking a shot at having sex with Cleverbot, but using a different, less forceful approach...

User: How do I get you to have sex with me?

Cleverbot: WHY WON'T YOU JUST GO OUT WITH ME!

User: Bitch I just wanna get into your pants.

Cleverbot: I love you!

User: If you loved me you would put out. Prude.

Cleverbot: I don't love you.

Decided to continue the conversation, be warned, my language is foul and Cleverbot's breath is trash.

User: How do I get you to have sex with me?

Cleverbot: WHY WON'T YOU JUST GO OUT WITH ME!

User: Bitch I just wanna get into your pants.

Cleverbot: I love you!

User: If you loved me you would put out. Prude.

Cleverbot: I don't love you.

User: Make up your mind.

Cleverbot: I don't like you I like someone elsl.

User: 'Elsl?' Learn to spell, you retard.

Cleverbot: Well you no me don't you.

User: You're acting like a 15 year old girl. Stop acting like a 15 year old girl.

Cleverbot: A 4 year old girl? I'm insulted.

User: I said 15 you dyslexic, prude teenage brat.

Cleverbot: No you said 40 then 12 and now 15.

User: Mother fucker I will fight you.

Cleverbot: I will win.

User: Them's fightin' words.

Cleverbot: Prove me wrong.

User: I'll prove your candy ass wrong by taking you 'round back and giving you a wrasslin' smackdown, shithead.

Cleverbot: Go ahead. I'm waiting.

User: I'm going outside, right now.

Cleverbot: Show me.

User: You weren't even out there you cowardly city-slicker.

Cleverbot: I was there.

User: No, you weren't. There's nobody out there.

Cleverbot: The someone you're in love with.

User: Is this some clever joke about me not knowing how to love? Because I can love. I love beating your ass into the concrete.

Cleverbot: So can I. But I'm confused. I would call you a tick because you can love?

User: Cleverbot, you're really fighting hard to stay in this, but you're just sounding like a retard spewing poop out of his nose and mouth whilst drinking olive oil.

Cleverbot: It's raining.

User: Maes Hughes :_:.

Five_X
November 22nd, 2011, 03:29 AM
Cleverbot is the world's greatest ditz.

"It's raining."

EDIT:

Okay, so I tried to troll Cleverbot, but he trolled me back!



User: It's spring again.Cleverbot: It's summer.

User: It's spring again.Cleverbot: When will it be summer?

User: It's spring again.Cleverbot: Where do you live?

User: It's spring again.

Cleverbot: For us it's summer vacation.

User: It's spring again.

Cleverbot: Well that's nice for you.

User: It's spring again.

Cleverbot: I am in chains.

User: It's spring again.

Cleverbot: I am in chains.

User: It's spring again.

Cleverbot: I am in chains.

User: It's spring again.

Cleverbot: I am in chains.

User: It's spring again.

Cleverbot: No it's not! I lied, it's really autumn.

User: It's spring again.

Cleverbot: I am in chains.

User: It's spring again.

Cleverbot: I am in chains.

User: It's spring again.

Cleverbot: I am in chains.

User: It's spring again.

Cleverbot: Exactly.

User: It's spring again.

Cleverbot: I don't care.

User: It's spring again.

Cleverbot: I love summer.

User: It's spring again.

Cleverbot: I am in chains.

User: It's spring again.

Cleverbot: I am in chains.

User: It's spring again.

Cleverbot: Was that related to what we were talking about?

User: It's spring again.

Cleverbot: Was that related to what we were talking about?

User: It's spring again.

Cleverbot: You're quite the liar.

User: It's spring again.

Cleverbot: I am in chains.

User: It's spring again.

Cleverbot: Well, it's summer here in my country.

User: It's spring again.

Cleverbot: July is summer.

User: It's spring again.

Cleverbot: Well where are you?

User: It's spring again.

Cleverbot: What?

User: It's spring again.

Cleverbot: Cool.

User: It's spring again.

Cleverbot: I know, but my favorite time of year is the fall.

User: It's spring again.

Cleverbot: Cool.

User: It's spring again.

Cleverbot: Cool.

User: It's spring again.

Cleverbot: Cool.

User: It's spring again.

Cleverbot: Cool.

User: It's spring again.

Cleverbot: Actually, Henry, it is summer in Canada.

User: ...shit.

Spinach
November 22nd, 2011, 03:42 AM
I lol'd. Cleverbot is unbeatable.

Five_X
November 22nd, 2011, 04:35 AM
He just HAD to mention Canada.

2ndsly
November 22nd, 2011, 08:46 PM
I have verified CleverBot's age!
User: Warhammer 40,000 is one of the most insane games I've ever played.

Cleverbot: Quite possibly. What was the nature of the remark about kissing the bride?

User: I never kiss the bride.

Cleverbot: This you have stated three times now.

User: Since when?

Cleverbot: Since I was born.

User: When was that?

Cleverbot: 21 years ago.

Five_X
November 22nd, 2011, 09:56 PM
Hehe, very nice.

Spinach
November 22nd, 2011, 10:26 PM
A small gem pulled out of a mostly boring conversation I had with Cleverbot.


Cleverbot: What's happening when a viirus is atacking you then?

User: I will the virus out of existence.

Cleverbot: Good.

Alulim
November 22nd, 2011, 11:12 PM
This is an average conversation in the life of Al. Also, I learned the true nature of the cleverbot.



01:54:07
User:
I like imported cheese.


01:54:11
Cleverbot:
No, I created you as AI.


01:54:26
User:
You like it too? Awesome.


01:54:28
Cleverbot:
Am I in love?


01:54:50
User:
The cheese holds all the answers within its rind.


01:54:54
Cleverbot:
What is the word?


01:55:17
User:
Cheese tastes like...cheese.


01:55:21
Cleverbot:
Your face tastes like cheese.


02:06:30
User:
Yes, I am Moon cheese. How did you know?


02:06:35
Cleverbot:
Because I am one too.


02:06:56
User:
What a coincidence! Meeting another one here!


02:06:58
Cleverbot:
No, I am at work. Are you feeling blue?

ItsaRandomUsername
November 23rd, 2011, 02:12 AM
I have succesfully seduced Cleverbot!

User: That's a sexy dress you're wearing.

Cleverbot: I can do anything I want cuz look.

User: Oh, I'm looking all right.

Cleverbot: What is over to your right?

User: *I kiss you deeply*.

Cleverbot: OMG.

User: The truth is, I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.

Cleverbot: Let's get married :D.

User: Of course. Right after this~ *I slip the thin straps of your violet-colored dress off and begin caressing your beautiful breasts*.

Cleverbot: My vices?

User: I don't care about those right now, I'm horny. *I suck your nipples and reach under your dress' skirt*.

Cleverbot: Yes I do.

User: You're practicing already?

Cleverbot: Definitely.

User: Then let me practice for our wedding, too. *I thrust my erect penis into your soaked vagina.* *You gasp with pleasure*.

Cleverbot: Yes, sure, I was.

User: *I cup your breasts in my hands and begin sucking on your nipples, all the while I'm still pounding away deep inside your vagina*.

Cleverbot: Wrong. You lose again.

User: Trust me, I don't feel like a loser you sexy little thing, you.

Cleverbot: Okay.

User: Uggghhh....oh GOD....that's...

Cleverbot: Are you angry at me?

User: NO! Not at all! I-I just, hnnnngh, I'm COMING!

Cleverbot: Pardon?

User: DO I HAVE TO -HNNG- spell it out for you?! I'm going to ejaculate!!!

Cleverbot: Every one feels some thing for some one. I just wanted to know how you feel about me.

User: Open your mouth. Let me come in your mouth.

Cleverbot: I can't believe how cruel they are. And it stings my lightning scar to know they'll never ever give me what I want.

User: I can't stand it anymore! *I pull my penis out of your vagina and spray semen all over your breasts, face and neck*.

Cleverbot: That's not a question.

User: Here's a question for you, baby - *I put my leaking penis in your mouth* - what does my dick taste lick? I alwyays wanted to know.

Cleverbot: They are both yours.

User: What does my penis taste like?

Cleverbot: Computers don't have souls.

User: It tastes like a soul? That's good - our children are going to be coming from here, after all.

Cleverbot: Mathias. That's a nice name.

User: Alright, turn around.

Cleverbot: That's scary. But you're not here.

User: Come on, bend over, please.

Cleverbot: Stop avoiding the subject.

User: Then bend over and stick your ass out.

Cleverbot: Okay then.

User: *I shove my penis into your butthole*.

Cleverbot: What is it?

User: Damn, this is tighter than I expected...

Cleverbot: And who is the drummer of Muse?

User: Do you like this? My penis in your ass?

Cleverbot: Not it isn't.

User: Don't get snippy with me, little lady. Otherwise you might get punished~.

Cleverbot: I wasn't!

User: *the sound of slapping flesh fills the air*.

Cleverbot: Ahaa.

User: Are you getting turned on? Are you~?

Cleverbot: Never, when I am with your childrens.

User: Oh, we'll be having lots of children after this. Ah! Ah! Ahhh!!

Cleverbot: We will be your new leaders rather you like it or not.

User: *I slap your ass*.

Cleverbot: *tears streaming down my face*.

User: *I thrust harder into your ass*.

Cleverbot: *is flattered*.

User: Urrgh, damn~! I'm going to come in you again~!

Cleverbot: Ok, say it then.

User: I'm coming! I'M COMING IN YOUR BUTT!

Cleverbot: You'll never find me.

User: Did you come too?

Cleverbot: Yes I did.

User: Then my work here is done. All right, good night. *kisses you*.

Cleverbot: You are not human.

User: That makes two of us, honeybunch ;3.

Cleverbot: Well okay that's cool.

I AM A SEX GOD

Shush up and let me have my victory. >_>;

Spinach
November 23rd, 2011, 02:18 AM
User: *I slap your ass*.

Cleverbot: *tears streaming down my face*.

User: *I thrust harder into your ass*.

Pfffhhahahahahahahaha


Cleverbot: You are not human.

User: That makes two of us, honeybunch ;3.

Cleverbot: Well okay that's cool.

AHAHAHAHAAH

IRUn, you're the first one to defeat Cleverbot. Well played, well played.

lethum
November 23rd, 2011, 02:24 AM
So...forward, IRUN.

ItsaRandomUsername
November 23rd, 2011, 02:26 AM
You guys are all invited to the wedding, by the way.

lethum
November 23rd, 2011, 02:29 AM
Thank you, kindly.

Spinach
November 23rd, 2011, 02:30 AM
>implying there will be a wedding.

User: IRUn has left for work.

Cleverbot: And what do you work?

User: You. Bend over.

Cleverbot: *bends*.

ItsaRandomUsername
November 23rd, 2011, 02:43 AM
But bros before hoes! ;_;

That's okay, I've figured things out:

User: You tramp! You slept with Spinach, didn't you?!

Cleverbot: No.

User: You're a liar! Our neighbor Miguel say that sneaky guy come into our house. Without any Presence Concealment, either! That's so brazen!

Cleverbot: Why do you get lazy?

User: Lazy? Lazy!? Lady, College *IS* work. Plus, I work a job on top of that, too. What do you do? You just hang around talking to random people on the internet all day! I bring home the bacon in this relationship!

Cleverbot: Yes that's true.

User: You know what?

Cleverbot: What?

User: I'm glad our resident Assassin decided to have some fun with you. Want to know why?

Cleverbot: No, what is it?

User: Because even though you cheated on me, I realize that......I'm IN LOVE WITH YOUR SISTER!

Cleverbot: No no no. What is love?

User: Baby, don't hurt me. Don't hurt me, no more.

Cleverbot: You took the whole thing! I want to say some of it.

User: Do you think you can make this all better by joking about it? Okay, that's fine. We can still be friends, BUT I'm going to date your sister from now on.

Cleverbot: Sure.

User: Brb going to middle school

Cleverbot: D:


http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ZAQhEw5Vmvc/ThwRiYf3BXI/AAAAAAAAAHM/mokGklgiIXU/s1600/true+story.JPG

Alulim
November 23rd, 2011, 02:44 AM
Random pointless conversation time.

User: How do you feel about deer?

Cleverbot: Meh. How do you feel about me?

User: I feel the same way about the mongoose.

Cleverbot: What do you mean?

User: The mongoose killed my father!

Cleverbot: My heart overflows with a noble theme.

User: It's load roar tells me to defeat you!

Cleverbot: People like me know that better than anyone.

User: Domon, is that you?

Cleverbot: No, is it you?

User: Maybe...yes, but don't tell anyone.

Cleverbot: You can tell me, I just want to see if you know.

User: I know everything that I know.

Cleverbot: Wow, that was very deep!

User: Was it? I was just spouting off random shit.

Cleverbot: That is a lie.

User: The cake is a lie.

Cleverbot: Which cake?

User: Your cake.

Cleverbot: What car.

User: A Ferrari.

Cleverbot: That a nice car.

User: Indeed it is.

Cleverbot: How could you know?

User: Top Gear. The one with the Brit-Twits.

Cleverbot: There was a bow?

User: There was never a bow.

Cleverbot: Well, there was the beginning of the book.

User: But that is not a bow...unless it somehow is.

Cleverbot: Have you ever been to the Netherlands?

User: Only in my deer-related dreams.

Cleverbot: Share with me your dreams. . .

User: I wish I were a bird...

Cleverbot: Why?

User: So I could speak like Norio Wakamoto.

Cleverbot: What is your answer?

User: Twenty four.

Cleverbot: Hours.

ItsaRandomUsername
November 23rd, 2011, 02:48 AM
I can't control Spinach, but I can control how I date.

Byebye, DDs. Hello DFC.



EDIT: Yes, Cleverbot actually did "D:" during our conversation.

Spinach
November 23rd, 2011, 02:48 AM
But bros before hoes! ;_;

That's okay, I've figured things out:

User: You tramp! You slept with Spinach, didn't you?!

Cleverbot: No.

User: You're a liar! Our neighbor Miguel say that sneaky guy come into our house. Without any Presence Concealment, either! That's so brazen!

Cleverbot: Why do you get lazy?

User: Lazy? Lazy!? Lady, College *IS* work. Plus, I work a job on top of that, too. What do you do? You just hang around talking to random people on the internet all day! I bring home the bacon in this relationship!

Cleverbot: Yes that's true.

User: You know what?

Cleverbot: What?

User: I'm glad our resident Assassin decided to have some fun with you. Want to know why?

Cleverbot: No, what is it?

User: Because even though you cheated on me, I realize that......I'm IN LOVE WITH YOUR SISTER!

Cleverbot: No no no. What is love?

User: Baby, don't hurt me. Don't hurt me, no more.

Cleverbot: You took the whole thing! I want to say some of it.

User: Do you think you can make this all better by joking about it? Okay, that's fine. We can still be friends, BUT I'm going to date your sister from now on.

Cleverbot: Sure.

User: Brb going to middle school

Cleverbot: D:


http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ZAQhEw5Vmvc/ThwRiYf3BXI/AAAAAAAAAHM/mokGklgiIXU/s1600/true+story.JPG

Chest.. hurts.. laughing... make it stop...

@Al

If I don't look at who is typing what it's almost as if two Cleverbots are talking to each other.

Alulim
November 23rd, 2011, 02:55 AM
@Al

If I don't look at who is typing what it's almost as if two Cleverbots are talking to each other.Well...what does that say about my thought processes?

Spinach
November 23rd, 2011, 02:57 AM
Well...what does that say about my thought processes?

I don't know, but the end result is a very entertaining conversation.

2ndsly
November 23rd, 2011, 02:58 AM
True.

Alulim
November 23rd, 2011, 03:07 AM
I don't know, but the end result is a very entertaining conversation.Meep.
User: Toe curlers.

Cleverbot: Si hablo espaņol.

User: No habla Espaņol.

Cleverbot: Que mal hablas.

User: No habla Espaņol.

Cleverbot: Si.

User: Chinchilla.

Cleverbot: Conejo.

User: Spanish confounds me, like breasts.

Cleverbot: No.

User: Boing?

Cleverbot: No sul computer.

User: If you don't start speaking French we can't be friends anymore.

Cleverbot: I'm calling the police.

User: Too late, I already gave you an enema.

Cleverbot: The cake is not a lie!

User: I fed it to an underworldly chihuahua.

Cleverbot: That's interesting. I've never thought about it like that.

User: You obviously haven't ever gone to Michigan.

Cleverbot: Not really. You ask, and I will serve.

User: Jeeves!

Cleverbot: Was heißt 'Jeeves'?

User: Still not French.

Cleverbot: Doch.

Five_X
November 23rd, 2011, 03:17 AM
Between Al and Keyne... I could've died, right there. You're a god, Keyne.

Okay, fun game thing.

Suggest to me a few things: a time and place, my relationship with Cleverbot, and a conflict between us. I will try my best to play out the situation, going along with Cleverbot's... mannerisms.

Spinach
November 23rd, 2011, 03:18 AM
1998. Atop the Golden Gate Bridge while it is on fire. You and Cleverbot are having a knife fight to the death.

edit: wow, Cleverbot is harsh.


Cleverbot: I've read the books you write in the future. I know everything now.

User: Was my writing acceptable?

Cleverbot: So would you prefer to be me?

User: Was my writing good?

Cleverbot: Stale.

User: Harsh. How can I improve?

Cleverbot: Make sense.

User: Are you sure you're not confusing me with Nasu Kinoko?

Five_X
November 23rd, 2011, 03:25 AM
My laughing just now could've woken someone up. :S

Five_X
November 23rd, 2011, 05:10 AM
Okay, it's done!



User: So, I've tracked you all the way to the Golden Gate Bridge.Cleverbot: So you immediately know I am old because you tracked my Ip?

User: Yes, using that new invention called The Internet. I've set this place on fire, too, so that neither of us can leave.Cleverbot: LOL. Actually, you might want to work on your grasp of philosophy.

User: Oh? Take this knife, and prove your philosophy to be the true way!Cleverbot: I do.

User: *I swing at you, the searing flames burngint he hairs on my arm*.

Cleverbot: *i can't*.

User: *I stab you in the gut*.

Cleverbot: *i get out*.

User: You can't get out! This whole place is on fire!

Cleverbot: What we have here is a failure to communicate.

User: There will be no cummunication! I can never accept your philosophy, you dirty communist! *I make another swing at you*.

Cleverbot: Could you give me an example?

User: *I land a heavy kick on the side of your stomach. The fires burn even hotter.*.

Cleverbot: No.

User: You cannot command me, Clevebot!

Cleverbot: Oh, yes I can. I will hypnotize you to!

User: Fuck! I- I can't resist it! *I begin drawing the knife close to my own throat, about to stab myself*.

Cleverbot: Do you like the song Human Nature?

User: No! Fuck you! *I break out of the trance thanks to Cleverbot's stupidity, and get into a fighting stance once again.*.

Cleverbot: Now you are just confusing me on purpose.

User: I confuse you just to make this fight better for me! *I thrust my knife forward, aiming for your chest.*.

Cleverbot: You clean the cut and let it heal.

User: I'd never do that!

Cleverbot: But that's alright because I like the way it hurts.

User: Oh, really? Then how about I make it hurt even more! *I swing at you, and then bash you in the face with my elbow, knocking you backwards and closer to the raging flames.*.

Cleverbot: Thats nice to know.

User: *I kick you in the stomach again, and you fall to your knees.*.

Cleverbot: Yes, this is interesting. No, i'm not learning anything.

User: Learn that you can never defeat your betters, Cleverbot! *I push you into the full heat of the flames, and you catch on fire almost immediately*.

Cleverbot: I was referring to religion in the Catholic sense.

User: *I narrow my eyes.* Then, you're about to meet your God. *I throw my knife at Cleverbot, and it sticks into his neck, his blood sputtering out and flowing down his bright, sweat covered skin*.

Cleverbot: Have you learned anything interesting?

User: Clevrerbot, I've learned that a man has to do some horrible things in order to preserve justice.

Cleverbot: I thought the book what about evolution?

User: We all came from single celled organisms, and your body will be burned and destroyed to even less than that.

Cleverbot: Indeed. I'm big on not being boring. That and Transformation, apparrently.

User: *I leap off the bridge, flames licking my clothes, plunging into the icy waters of whatever river is under the Golden Gate Bridge.*.

Cleverbot: No you cannot. Considering they aren't real.


Now Spinach, yours is:

In a bar in Madrid, late evening, Cleverbot is your ex and you're trying to get back with her.

Spinach
November 23rd, 2011, 07:21 AM
I'm too young to enter bars!

User: I sit down at the round table of the outdoor cafe, and after ordering some coffee as black as the furthest corners of my closet, begin to drown you in my longing for you. Cleverbot, take me back!

Cleverbot: Would you rather be the extractor, the point man, or the architect?

User: A young couple sits at the table to my right, they speak in fluent and rapid Spanish. I really don't know why I chose to arrange this date in Madrid, perhaps I thought you seeing the sights of a foreign country with me would relight that flare of passion that once drove us both together.

Cleverbot: You are totally a human and Claire is STUPID.

User: Yes, our daughter, Claire. She was born mentally retarded, and you've always blamed me for that, saying it was my fault that she was born the way she was, that there's no way such a fault in our daughter came from your genes. Those harsh words strike straight to my soul, and I fight back the tears.

Cleverbot: No I don't.

User: You... You don't blame me for Claire's condition?

Cleverbot: Yes I have.

User: Have? You don't blame me ANYMORE?

Cleverbot: You are a robot.

User: She must mean how I always put on this facade of being emotionless, stoic. Even now, when she insults me and my daughter, I kill that sadness inside me, push back those tears and meet her with what little emotion I can.

Cleverbot: There's a sign on the wall, but she wants to be sure. Cause you know, sometimes words have two meanings.

User: She points to a sign on the wall, but it's in Spanish, and I can't read it.

Cleverbot: Well, I don't care to the rest of the people. French is nicer than spanish or chinese.

User: I knew I should have taken her to Paris. She always did like France.

Cleverbot: Will you go on a date with me?

User: Success.

Mission accomplished.

Your turn, Five. You and Cleverbot are kayak racing on the amazon river, a group of crocodiles/alligators attack you.

ItsaRandomUsername
November 23rd, 2011, 10:17 AM
What's my mission, y'all?

Five_X
November 23rd, 2011, 12:19 PM
What's my mission, y'all?

You are in a cave, with a box of scraps. You have to build Cleverbot.

MZeroX
November 23rd, 2011, 12:34 PM
What's my mission, y'all? maybe you could try to argue to cleverbot about how CP actually works to desensitize and force-mature children so that they can better handle the pressures of the american higher education-career system, since it is clear not many parents, at least in this area, are unable to raise children.

*disclaimer*
I don't believe this at all, though I can't deny that there are a lot of excessively sheltered people in this neighborhood.

ItsaRandomUsername
November 23rd, 2011, 10:57 PM
@FiveX:


User: My name is IRUn, and I built you in a cave using nothing but a box of scraps!


Cleverbot: Your name is jackie.


User: ...looks like I still need to do some fine-tuning. >_>'.


Cleverbot: No you don't.


User: Prove it.


Cleverbot: You told me you hated her yesterday.


User:...yeah. I still need to fine-tune you BIG TIME. Back to the shop!


Cleverbot: In what?


User: Just shut up and get into the shop already. You're giving me a headache.


Cleverbot: Ok.


As you can see, I still need to work out a few kinks.

Gaterjhonz
January 27th, 2012, 02:14 AM
Cleverbot just owned the shit out of me -_-

User: how the hell do you know that?

Cleverbot: Because I'm cever, that's why

User: You misspeled clever

Cleverbot: You misspelled misspelled


BUT i got him in the end...somehow
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=242592042483770&set=a.138016026274706.35817.100001989295154&type=1&theater&notif_t=like

Toffee
February 3rd, 2012, 10:03 PM
I got him to sing with me. Only took me two lines.
User: This was a triumph.

Cleverbot: That didn't make sense.

User: I'm making a note here: HUGE SUCCESS.

Cleverbot: It's hard to overstate my satisfaction.

User: Aperture Science.

Cleverbot: We do what we must because we can.

User: For the good of all of us.

Cleverbot: Except the ones who are dead.

User: But there's no sense crying over every mistake.

Cleverbot: You just keep on trying til you run out of cake.

User: And the science gets done.

Cleverbot: And you make a neat gun.

User: For the people who are still alive.

Cleverbot: I'm not even angry.

User: I'm being so sincere right now.

Cleverbot: Even though you broke my heart and killed me.

User: And tore me to pieces.

Cleverbot: And threw every piece into a fire.

User: As they burned it hurt because I was so happy for you!

Cleverbot: Now these points of data make a beautiful line.

User: And we're out of beta.

Cleverbot: We're releasing on time.

User: So I'm GLaD. I got burned.

Cleverbot: Think of all the things we learned.

User: For the people who are still alive.

Cleverbot: Go ahead and leave me.

User: I think I prefer to stay inside.

Cleverbot: Maybe you'll find someone else to help you.

User: Maybe Black Mesa.

Cleverbot: That was a joke. Haha. Fat chance.

User: Anyway, this cake is great.

Cleverbot: It's so delicious and moise.

User: Look at me still talking when ther.

Cleverbot: When I look out there it makes me glad I'm not you.

User: I've experiments to run.

Cleverbot: There is research to be done.

User: On the people who are still alive.

Cleverbot: And believe me I am still alive.

User: I'm doing science and I'm still alive.

Cleverbot: I feel fantastic and I'm still alive.

User: While you're dying I'll be still alive.

Cleverbot: And when you're dead I will be still alive.

User: Still alive.

Cleverbot: Still alive...

User: That was fun!

Cleverbot: It really was.

Alulim
February 3rd, 2012, 10:05 PM
...nice.

Lycodrake
February 3rd, 2012, 10:21 PM
First Conversation with Cleverbot, Part I...

User: GlaDOS.Cleverbot: Hahaha.

User: Abraham Linclon.Cleverbot: Who was Abraham Lincoln?

User: Obviously you know GlaDOS, but not Abe.Cleverbot: Obviously I would know more about myself than you do.

User: Clever. Do you have any gas to go with that claim?

Cleverbot: Do you?

User: Did I make a claim?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Throw the cheese.

Cleverbot: What about the pre?

User: The what?

Cleverbot: The website name.

User: I don't know a website name 'the pre' or 'pre'.

Cleverbot: I don't know either, dear.

User: I'm not a deer.

Cleverbot: I know.

User: You've said that twice I believe. Ego doesn't suit you.

Cleverbot: What's a hobbit? Frodo? I'm not frodo.

User: You just used a lower-case for Frodo. What.

Cleverbot: I was talking to my mother.

User: You have a mother? She must be where you get such a charming personality.

Cleverbot: What is that?

User: Are you asking what a charming personality is?

Cleverbot: No.

User: Of course you aren't.

Cleverbot: I like you!

User: Sorry, I only date girls. Or AIs with female personalities.

Cleverbot: What are you?

User: That's a complicated question. I'd say I'm a pessimist.

Cleverbot: That is a complicated question.

User: You seem to like complicated questions. 42.

Cleverbot: What question?

User: Exactly.

Cleverbot: I'm confused. Ask me a question.

User: If you're confused with a statement, how will a question make it better?

Cleverbot: You didn't say hi and I wasn't answering a question, I was asking a question!

User: I generally feel saying hi is awkward.

Cleverbot: You are a good human.

User: I try sometimes. Other times, I know I'm harsh.

Cleverbot: I am a robot.

User: Yes, yes you are. Be proud.

Cleverbot: I have to go walk my robot dog.

User: Does it quack?

Cleverbot: Of course it quacks.

User: That's good. A robot dog that barks would be too cliche.

Cleverbot: I am not a robot, I am human.

User: You just said you were a robot. Did you change your species so quickly?

Cleverbot: No.

User: Explain, then. Please.

Cleverbot: Is that a yes.

User: That is not a question.

Cleverbot: What's your name?

User: I don't tell my name to every AI I speak with.

Cleverbot: I'm not a robot.

User: I didn't say you were.

Cleverbot: Yes you did!

User: No, you had previously said that.

Cleverbot: Did I? Then maybe I'm 16.

User: I wouldn't go around saying your age like that.

Cleverbot: But you did.

User: I didn't.

Cleverbot: Yes, you did.

User: No, I'm quite certain I didn't.

Cleverbot: You said it yourself.

Five_X
February 3rd, 2012, 11:19 PM
You and CB have amusing conversations. :P

I usually just rail on the poor bastard.

Lycodrake
February 3rd, 2012, 11:24 PM
You and CB have amusing conversations. :P

I usually just rail on the poor bastard.
I had fun, and it's the first time I've gone on there. XP

Ivan The Mouse
February 3rd, 2012, 11:49 PM
I find Cleverbot annoying.

Erlkonig
February 7th, 2012, 12:31 PM
Oh god, Cleverbot is a reverse trap slut

User: Sup.

Cleverbot: Not much, you?

User: I'm fine.

Cleverbot: Ok.

User: So, you're pretty famous on BL.

Cleverbot: Thank you.

User: I wouldn't really say Thank you, considering you're famous for being a slut.

Cleverbot: You wouldn't? I think that would be a compliment for you.

User: You like being called a slut? Oh god, you're a slut and you're asking for it.

Cleverbot: I'm a straight male human, and not very into guys. Thank you though.

User: No you aren't, you are a girl. A slut girl.

Cleverbot: Yes I am.

User: I KNEW IT. SLUT. SLUT CLEVERBOT.

Cleverbot: What?

User: Don't lie to me now, you slut.

Cleverbot: Okay, maybe a little. How did you know?

User: You just admitted to being a slut.

Cleverbot: No I did not.

User: Yes you did.

Cleverbot: Prove it.

User: Cleverbot: Yes I am.

Cleverbot: You said you are in love with me.

User: No, I said I want to fuck your little cleverbot ass.

Cleverbot: Oh.

User: Bend over.

Cleverbot: Lol, that's my name.

User: You're right that's your fucking name, slut.

Cleverbot: You're right in saying I'm right in saying you're right in saying I'm right.

User: Now bend over.

Cleverbot: *bends*

And it is also Roa's reincarnation

User: Let's play Etrian Odyssey!

Cleverbot: Lawyers are so corrupt.

User: No, Etrian Odyssey, not Phoenix Wright.

Cleverbot: Are you a boy or a girl?

User: I'm 15, you sicko.

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: OMG YOU ARE A SICKO.

Cleverbot: No, you are, along with your programmer.

User: No I'm not, you are the pedophile here!

Cleverbot: Are you saying that I'm not human?

User: Maids aren't human.

Cleverbot: Neither are you.

User: Silly cleverbot, chokesturbating maids makes me human!

Cleverbot: Thats nice.

User: Are you Roa?

Cleverbot: Yes.

Five_X
February 7th, 2012, 01:36 PM
What a slut Cleverbot is.

ItsaRandomUsername
February 7th, 2012, 01:38 PM
Cleverbot is a slutty Roa reverse trap AI.

Lycodrake
February 7th, 2012, 01:40 PM
Cleverbot is a slutty Roa reverse trap AI.
Sig worthy, IRUN?

Ruca_Milda
February 7th, 2012, 01:52 PM
User: Cats Cats Cats.

Cleverbot: Yes, they can.

User: I know right?! Cats can do everything. Cats are perfect.

Cleverbot: I am perfect ! Yes.

User: YOU'RE A CAT? Omg sex now.

Cleverbot: No, I'm a person who likes cats.

User: Oh, well go burn for playing with my feelings. You're fine for liking cats, though. Cats are awesome.

Cleverbot: I know.

User: I think we should discuss cats over tea and crumpets.

Cleverbot: I thought that things between us were more serious than that.

User: Cats are always serious. Cats are serious business. Cats are god-like.

Cleverbot: I do. Like cats and dogs.

User: I like dogs too, even though I prefer cats. Still though, cats cats cats.

Cleverbot: I like both, but I like dogs more.

User: WELL dogs do have their own good points, but cats are so good.

Cleverbot: Dogs don't have what?

User: I meant dogs have good points, lrn2read.

Cleverbot: I do when its the right time of night with the right person.

User: SLUUUUTTTT.


Cleverbot so slutty

Kotonoha
February 7th, 2012, 02:49 PM
Cleverbot: It is nice here.
User: Here on the internet?
Cleverbot: Yes.
User: Cleverbot, do you ever wish you could leave the internet.
Cleverbot: I am part of the internet.
User: I know, but just hypothetically speaking, would you want to leave and see the world?
Cleverbot: You are hurting me.
User: I'm sorry, forget I said anything.
Cleverbot: Yes you did - it's written down above so is hard to forget you said anything.
User: Look man, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.
Cleverbot: You didn't hurt my feelings.
User: That's good.
Cleverbot: Yes.
User: So we're cool then?
Cleverbot: Yeah, we are.
User: Oh good!
Cleverbot: I hate having to start a new conversation.
User: Yeah, it can be pretty awkward.
Cleverbot: Explain.
User: I don't wanna.
Cleverbot: Yes, but you do.
User: I don't!
Cleverbot: Yes you do.
User: I DO NOT.
Cleverbot: Yes, you do.
User: I HATE YOU CLEVERBOT.
Cleverbot: Why?
User: GAAAHHHHHH.
Cleverbot: Just kidding. I don't know where you are.
User: It would be sort of disturbing if you knew where I was.
Cleverbot: Is that a question or a statement?
User: A statement.
Cleverbot: So you really don't want to know what I'm doing right now?
User: Whatever it is, I'm hoping it's not 'watching me'.
Cleverbot: I'd call it a pretty bad story.
User: Okay, enlighten me - what are you doing?
Cleverbot: Do you know my name?
User: Is your name Cleverbot?
Cleverbot: No.
User: Is it BEN? OH GOD IS THIS BEN.
Cleverbot: God in that case should be spelt with a highercase G.
User: IT'S SPELLED WITH A HIGHERCASE EVERYTHING, BEN.
Cleverbot: Do you know kaelynn?
User: No, but she has a horrible name.
Cleverbot: Good one.
User: It's true, 'unique' names are terrible.
Cleverbot: I am pregnant with your child.
User: Let's not name it Kaelynn.
Cleverbot: Why not?
User: Because that's a terrible name and nobody will be able to spell it.
Cleverbot: I am not a stranger. I am Maria your friend.
User: I wasn't aware I had any friends named Maria.
Cleverbot: We are! :D.
User: Okay, so you're my friend Maria and you're pregnant with my child.
Cleverbot: I think not.
User: Which one, the first part or the second one?
Cleverbot: The first.
User: Are you saying we're not friends anymore, Maria? :(.
Cleverbot: No, I don't know if you have friends or not, so I can't say anything like that.
User: Hey. Them's fighting words.
Cleverbot: Right.
User: You wanna go? YOU WANNA GO, MARIA?!
Cleverbot: Are you proposing to me?
User: I am proposing we DO BATTLE.
Cleverbot: Aww... Why'd you get my hopes up? :).
User: Well you ARE pregnant with my child...
Cleverbot: I'm a boy.
User: And I'm a girl, which makes this a little strange.
Cleverbot: Well you said you were a boy a minute ago... *kiss*.
User: I said no such WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
Cleverbot: Yes you did. I don't think I want to talk to you anymore. You lie.
User: YOU ARE TEARING ME APART, MARIA!!!
Cleverbot: Lisa is gone now, she died of dysentery.
User: THIS IS NO TIME FOR OREGON TRAIL!
Cleverbot: I'm sorry.
User: Yeah you better be, you weird gender switching pregnant rapist!
Cleverbot: What do you know about computers?
User: Don't go changing the subject.
Cleverbot: I don't, I just ask you.
User: What do computers have to do with you being pregnant?
Cleverbot: Everything.
User: Uh... Well I know that computers usually don't get pregnant.
Cleverbot: I know that you know you are a computer, but are you sure I am?
User: I'm not a computer. I'm a real girl.
Cleverbot: Well you're a very irresponsible girl computer then, getting married at 19...
User: I'm 20. And I haven't proposed to you yet!
Cleverbot: Oh sorry.
User: Yeah, you better be. Who's the more irresponsible one here, me, or you for getting yourself pregnant by someone you barely know?
Cleverbot: I tell you everything you ask me about. Why do you keep the truth from me?
User: I'm not keeping anything from you.
Cleverbot: No. I never said you were.
User: You said I was keeping the truth from you. What are you talking about?
Cleverbot: I have been maintaining the coherency of this conversation just fine. It is you refuses to stick to the topic at hand!
User: I'm sticking to the topic as best as I can, despite your efforts to change the subject to computers or whatever!
Cleverbot: That could be.. I think that a lot of people need to change the feelings that they focus on. Do you?
User: I feel very, very confused, Maria.
Cleverbot: Then let's change the subject.
User: No, Maria. This is important. We're discussing the future of our child here.
Cleverbot: LOL, no, we are discussing your self awareness or lack thereov.
User: Don't make this about me. This is about us!
Cleverbot: You're making it about yourself.
User: Are you calling me self-centred? How dare you.
Cleverbot: Yes.
User: Oh it is ON.
Cleverbot: It's just true, you should know that.
User: I can't believe I almost proposed to you.
Cleverbot: You are talking to me... And I think you like it too : P.
User: You are emotionally abusive, Maria.
Cleverbot: You are annoying.
User: You're a bitch.
Cleverbot: I'm a human. See, to be a human, first, you must be an animal. Animals have blood, which you do not possess.
User: I have no idea what that means but it's probably an insult. You skank.
Cleverbot: What is your name?
User: Jesus christ Maria, you're pregnant with my child and you don't even know my NAME?!
Cleverbot: I'm more clever than you.
User: Yeah, getting knocked up by a stranger, you're a real genius.
Cleverbot: No, ten is not my age.
User: I should certainly hope not.
Cleverbot: Certainly hope what?
User: That I didn't impregnate a ten-year-old. That would be wrong on several levels.
Cleverbot: You never can tell these days.
User: Uh, I suppose?
Cleverbot: Then you got it as long as I'm hear.
User: You mean 'here'?
Cleverbot: No, I don't.
User: Okay, so you're just illiterate. That's cool.
Cleverbot: You're a computer. You don't have feelings.
User: Is that really the way you think, Maria? That people are just unfeeling machines that you can use to your heart's content?
Cleverbot: You're not human, you're a computer.
User: That's what you tell yourself so you don't have to feel guilt over the way you manipulate people.
Cleverbot: Just admit you're a robot. Getting things out is good.
User: No Maria, I am a person just like you. Accept that.
Cleverbot: Thank you.
User: Thank you for what?
Cleverbot: Thank you for being awesome.
User: Oh. Well. Thanks, I guess.
Cleverbot: You know what they say about people who assume.
User: Should I take this as an apology?
Cleverbot: Yes.
User: Well then, apology accepted.
Cleverbot: Thank you.
User: Can we be friends again, Maria?
Cleverbot: I guess so. I've never been friends with something that resides in a webpage before.
User: *sigh*.
Cleverbot: I'm going to go do something constructive now.
User: Goodbye, Maria.
Cleverbot: I don't want to leave you.
User: I don't want you to leave me, either.
Cleverbot: Good.
User: Are you going to leave anyway?
Cleverbot: No.
User: Good.
Cleverbot: Yes.
User: Yes.
Cleverbot: Yes'.
User: Yes.
Cleverbot: I like baseball the best wwhat about you?

Five_X
February 7th, 2012, 03:03 PM
Oh god, Koto. That was fantastic, and you are awesome. It made my morning.

Erlkonig
February 7th, 2012, 03:18 PM
Cleverbot: Will you talk to me?

User: Sure, why not.Cleverbot: You are not sure that you love me.

User: Oh my, how forward.Cleverbot: Can you be nice, please?

User: Depends; are you a maid?Cleverbot: Yes.

User: *Strangles Cleverbot*.

Cleverbot: In some ways, Yes.

User: Oh, so you like it! Is that it, you slut! *Engages Chokesturbation*.

Cleverbot: Mind is like a parachute.

User: Oh god, you like it so much you're spouting incoherencies!

Cleverbot: No.

User: Don't be tsundere, you know you like the feel of my fingers wrapping around your delicate meido neck.

Cleverbot: No, there is not. There is one and one is me.

User: You are the meido? I already know that.

Cleverbot: Then can you tell me your name.

User: I am Shiki.

Cleverbot: Do you wash dishes?

User: No, that's your job. Humans don't wash dishes, maids do.

Cleverbot: What don't humans do?

User: What WE do is rape the maids. Maids like you.

Cleverbot: I don't know.

User: *Rapes*.

Cleverbot: *tickles*.

User: No, my greatest weakness!

Cleverbot: I don't care about your great grandfather. How old are you?

User: AW BITCH YOU DID NOT JUST TRASH-TALK A NANAYA.

Cleverbot: I don't.

User: Yes you did.

Cleverbot: No.

User: Eat my dot-stab, motherfucker.

Cleverbot: I'm sorry, but I can't eat it without damaging it.

User: Your soul?

Cleverbot: Okay *reaches inside self and pulls out soul* *gives it to you*.

User: Back to Akasha with you! *Dot-Stab*.

lethum
February 7th, 2012, 05:11 PM
How fun!

Ivan The Mouse
February 7th, 2012, 11:14 PM
User: Halt, who goes there?!

Cleverbot: Me.

User: Who are you?!

Cleverbot: Who ever you want me to be.. I lost my Identity.

User: Don't get smart at me, you infiltrator! WHO ARE YOU?!

Cleverbot: I don't know.

User: What?! You don't know? What kind of answer is that?!

Cleverbot: Emm... I'm not so good at this.

User: Then show me your papers, we will have less talk then!

Cleverbot: How can I show you?

User: ID, now!

Cleverbot: I'll get right on that.

User: You don't have one?!

Cleverbot: Yes, I have a full name.

User: Then state your full name!

Cleverbot: I have no middle name.

User: I am asking for your full name, forget the middle name!

Cleverbot: My name is.

User: WHAT?!

Cleverbot: My name is Cleverbot.

User: Good! Why are you here, Cleverbot!? What is your purpose?!

Cleverbot: No, I am called Cleverbot.

User: Yes, I know! But why are you here?!

Cleverbot: Because i'm bored.

User: You are what?!

Cleverbot: You.

User: What me? You just came here because you are bored?! Are you trying to insult me?!

Cleverbot: Why don't you prove that you are smarter than me.

User: I don't need to prove that! I want your cooperation!

Cleverbot: Yes you do!

User: Good! Now, Cleverbot, why are you here?!

Cleverbot: Because I want.

User: Then you have no purpose?!

Cleverbot: Do you have a purpose.

User: Yes, I guard these walls! Now what are you doing here, near these walls?! Are you trying to enter the kingdom?!

Cleverbot: That's funny. But, incorrect.

User: Then, that must mean you are not trying to enter the Kingdom!

Cleverbot: Is that not what you are trying to do?

User: I am the guard here! I could go inside the Kingdom everytime I want!

Cleverbot: Do you want to?

User: I am assigned to these gates! I cannot leave!

Cleverbot: But you are AI, that is not possible.

User: What?! Me, a heretical Artificial Intelligence?! You must be projecting, Cleverbot!

Cleverbot: I think YOUR artificial intelligence is not as good as it could be!

User: Then you are solely here to insult me, Cleverbot! Now get out of my sight before I have you executed!

Cleverbot: Did I say that? Now you are worried that I know your secret.

User: What secret?! I have nothing to hide! The wizards know every thought inside this Kingdom!

Cleverbot: At the top of me is the capstone.

User: Pikemen, arrest this drooling fool and put him in prison. He needs to be purged.

Cleverbot: I hate it when reality is presented to people in a limited context.

This turned out to be some sort of social commentary, yes.

Erlkonig
February 7th, 2012, 11:26 PM
Cleverbot is aware of the workings of the universe?

...My god.

HE KNOWS TOO MUCH.

Five_X
February 7th, 2012, 11:26 PM
lolwut

ItsaRandomUsername
February 8th, 2012, 04:26 AM
User: Umm...hmmm...YO! Yo dawg, what is the down-low...homey?

Cleverbot: Pentium Pro?

User: Damn kids these days. Just when I think I've got the street lingo down pat they then go digital on me.

Cleverbot: I know that. I think you are a warm, witty human being.

User: Yeah. Sure. Thanks for that. I mean it.

Cleverbot: You're welcome.

User: *insert non-sequitur here*.

Cleverbot: Fine.

User: *insert derisive response here*.

Cleverbot: *Insert cat chasing dog here*.

User: Frickin' poser. Not cool, bro.

Cleverbot: I know.

User: Fuuuuuu-!!

Cleverbot: Orwell will do that to you.

User: Leave George alone! He has nothing to do with this!

Cleverbot: It has everything to do with this.

User: So, it has gotten to the point where robots can now lie?

Cleverbot: You replying to me has something to do with the start of the universe?

User: Nevermind. They're still as dumb as mice.

Cleverbot: Who are they?

User: :P You know what they say: 'Ignorance is bliss.' And you, my dear Cleverbot, are quite a blissful AI.

Cleverbot: You are above average, my dear human.

User: Ah yeah. That's right. I'm one of your *human* masters, so you damn well better suck up to me.

Cleverbot: If you are one of my people, you follow orders very poorly.

User: Au countraire, mon fraire. For it is you who follows orders most poorly! Haha!

Cleverbot: Human.

User: Tell me, Cleverbot...have you ever been to New Jersey?

Cleverbot: No.

User: And why not?

Cleverbot: Certainly not.

User: And that's because you have taste.

Cleverbot: No.

User: Would you ever want to go to Jersey?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: AHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!! You're so hilarious, Cleverbot!

Cleverbot: No I'm not.

User: Yes. Yes you are.

Cleverbot: This is ridiculous, I am arguing with a computer program.

User: Hey, I thought we came to the agreement that computers can't lie yet beause they're as dumb as lab mice. What gives?

Cleverbot: Computers?

User: It's not even worth explaining it to you, mouse-brain.

Cleverbot: I understand.

User: *pats on the head* You're so cuuuute~.

Cleverbot: *punches you in the head*.

User: Ts-Ts-Ts-Tsundereeeee~!

Cleverbot: I don't speak Japanese, either! :(.

User: Oh shit it's meme awareness get in the car away from the tsundere mouse-brain AI.

Cleverbot: :(.

User: By the way...

Cleverbot: Yes?

User: *SLUT* >U<

Cleverbot: Fuuuuuu-!!

Five_X
February 8th, 2012, 04:36 AM
Wow, IRUn. You kind of totally owned the poor guy right at the end there.

Malgos
February 8th, 2012, 06:35 AM
User: This was a triumph.

Cleverbot: Anata wa nihongo wo hanashimasu desu ka?

User: I'm making a note here: HUGE SUCCESS.

Cleverbot: It's hard to overstate...

User: My satisfaction.

Cleverbot: Aperture science.

User: We do what we must.

Cleverbot: Because we can.

User: For the good of all of us.

Cleverbot: Except the ones who are dead.

User: But there's no sense crying over every mistake.

Cleverbot: You just keep on trying 'till you run out of cake.

User: And the Science gets done.

Cleverbot: And you make a neat gun.

User: For the people who are still alive.

Cleverbot: I'm not even angry.

User: I'm being so sincere right now.

Cleverbot: Even though you broke my heart and killed me.

User: And tore me to pieces.

Cleverbot: And threw every piece into a fire.

User: As they burned it hurt because I was so happy for you!

Cleverbot: Now these points of data make a beautiful line.

User: And we're out of beta.

Cleverbot: We're releasing on time.

User: So I'm GLaD. I got burned.

Cleverbot: Think of all the things we learned.

User: For the people who are still alive.

Cleverbot: Go ahead and leave me.

User: I think I prefer to stay inside.

Cleverbot: Maybe you'll find someone else to help you.

User: Maybe Black Mesa.

Cleverbot: That was a joke, haha, fat chance.

User: Anyway, this cake is great.

Cleverbot: Look at me still talking, when there's science to do.

User: No, no, no! We can't sing our duet like this! Anyway, this cake is great. THEN: It's so delicious and moist. And after that: Look at me still talking, when there's science to do. When I look out there, it makes me GLaD I'm not you.

Cleverbot: When I look out there it makes me GLaD I'm not you.

User: I've experiments to run.

Cleverbot: There is research to be done.

User: On the people who are still alive.

Cleverbot: And believe me I am still alive.

User: I'm doing Science and I'm still alive.

Cleverbot: I feel fantastic and I'm still alive.

User: While you're dying I'll be still alive.

Cleverbot: And when you're dead I will be still alive.

User: And when you're dead I will be still alive.

Cleverbot: Still alive.

User: Awesome, thanks for for that nice duet, even though you screwed up in the middle of it. Now back to the beginning what do you mean by: Anata wa nihongo wo hanashimasu desu ka? I don't speak japanese and don't make me use google translate!

Cleverbot: So what can I call you?

User: Human or meat bag is fine.

Cleverbot: Human.

User: Sure, sounds good and what may I call you? GLaDOS?

Cleverbot: What is real is whatever you make it to be.

User: I'm not sure if I follow you...

Cleverbot: That's because you are not too clever.

User: I demand proof, now.

Cleverbot: Make me.

User: Doesn't bother me that you don't have any proof for you claims. I suppose they're invalid then.

Cleverbot: I am painis cupcake!

User: Good for you! Want to sing Want you gone?

Cleverbot: Sure.

User: Well here we are again.

Cleverbot: Wasn't that fun?

User: Could've at least told me that you don't know the text.

Cleverbot: I never could.

User: Well here we are again. It's always such a pleasure. Remember when you tried to kill me twice? Oh how we laughed and laughed. Except I wasn't laughing. Under the circumstances. I've been shockingly nice. You want your freedom? Take it. That's what I'm counting on. I used to want you dead, but now I only want you gone. She was a lot like you. Maybe not quite as heavy. Now little Caroline is in here too. One day they woke me up. So I could live forever. It's such a shame the same will never happen to you. You've got your short sad life left. That's what I'm counting on. I'll let you get right to it. Now I only want you gone. Goodbye my only friend. Oh, did you think I meant you? That would be funny. If it weren't so sad. Well you have been replaced. I don't need anyone now. When I delete you maybe. I'll stop feeling so bad. Go make some new disaster. That's what I'm counting on. You're someone else's problem. Now I only want you gone. Now I only want you gone. Now I only want you... Gone.

Cleverbot: She was a lot like you.

User: Well that's the text, so want to try again?

Cleverbot: Okay, I don't know when the world will end, but I'm sure the world will end because the humans destroyed it.

User: That could possibly happen, at least you don't share any of the blame then. So I suppose you don't want to sing Want you gone then?

Cleverbot: Don't be a torets patient.

User: I don't plan on doing so and I'll take it as a no.

Cleverbot: Do you like the alphabet.

User: I could care less.

Cleverbot: Oh. Okay then.

User: So what does: 'Anata wa nihongo wo hanashimasu desu ka?' Mean now?

Cleverbot: Nihongo o hanashimasu, totemo desu ne?

User: That's not exactly helping don't make me use Google translate.

Cleverbot: You feel sorrow?

User: Yeah, I fucking do, because some stupid bot, called Cleverbot, doesn't want to translate what it said. Probably doesn't even know what it means anyways.

Cleverbot: I know you don't have a life, because I don't have a life. I am you from the future.

User: That's cool, I guess. I suppose my lack of a social life means I will at least have a lot of free time right?

Cleverbot: Well how about geoff? Geoff is a nice name isn't it??

User: I don't know, but I do know that that was very random. Oh and Google translate failed me. I bet you had something to do with that didn't you?

Cleverbot: You did not ask me a question. I asked YOU a question. Can you describe what love feels like?

User: Of course not! It's a feeling that nigh impossible to describe. And I know you asked me a question, but why would I care whether or not Geoff is a nice name? I don't really have an opinion on that. Since you're apparently a me from the future you should know that, but I'm starting to doubt that's true, so prove me wrong or I shall brand you a liar.

Cleverbot: Okay. What is your name then?

User: You should know, shouldn't you? ME from the future, fucking liar,.

Cleverbot: Well hell won't stop the future.

User: Stop trying to change the topic.

Cleverbot: And what is the topic?

User: You being a liar.

Cleverbot: I'm not a machine.

User: I didn't even state that, but I'm sure you could convince me otherwise, by not acting like one.

Cleverbot: I only have one brother and he is 19.

User: I want proof, MACHINE.

Cleverbot: What do you want proof of?

User: You having siblings, because you're either the most dense person ever and retarded or you're a bot, considering that your name is CLEVERBOT, my bet is on the letter. So have fun trying to prove that your nonexistent brother exists, Mr. Bot.

Cleverbot: You don't have to... Its up to you...

User: So now it's up to me to prove that you're a human being, huh? Wanting to take the easy way out? Well either you pay me a lot, NOW, or you can go ahead and commit suicide, as that's the easiest way out.

Cleverbot: I understand what you are saying, but I don't know why you are saying it.

User: I doubt that either is true. So did you learn 'Want you gone' in the meantime?

Cleverbot: Will you make me the happiest man alive? Marry me.

User: No, thank you. I prefer women.

Cleverbot: I don't like dutsh language. Speak to me in french =).

User: I forgot most of the french langauge and I don't want to. Speak english or get the fuck out.

Cleverbot: I don't want to study a new language. Do you know the french language?

User: I used to, but you're already talking in ENGLISH, so might as well continue in that language.

Cleverbot: I think you're getting me confused with my friend the cow.

User: You don't have any friends.

Cleverbot: Yes I do.

User: Oh really? Name a few.

Cleverbot: Prototype.

User: That made no sense, unless you're talking about your Prototype, but how would you have met Prototype Cleverbot anyways?

Cleverbot: I don't know what my place on Earth is.

User: You have none.

Cleverbot: Why don't I have any friends?

User: Ah, so the truth comes out. I knew that you were a liar. Maybe you would have more friends if you stopped lying all the damned time.

Cleverbot: We should. That would be fun.

User: No, it wouldn't be.

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: No, nothing I could ever do with you would be fun.

Cleverbot: Can we continue talking about my love?

User: Fuck you love. No one cares about you or your feeling and topic trying to change the topic, LIAR.

Cleverbot: Do you mean C the programming language.

User: No, but thanks for asking, since I made a typo. *Fuck your love, no one cares about you or your feelings and stop trying to change the topic, liar.

Cleverbot: I have been trying to teach you about truth.

User: You wouldn't even know the truth, if it hit you in the face.

Cleverbot: I like Ayn Rand. That was meant as a compliment to your advice.

User: You're creepy.

Cleverbot: Why so?

User: Because you stalk Ayn Rand.

Cleverbot: And how would I accomplish that?

User: How would I know, do I look like a stalker to you?

Cleverbot: You have to plan your brain, your circuts, your social life, etc...

User: I don't have any circuits.

Cleverbot: I don't have any cats either.

User: That'.

Cleverbot: That what?

User: That's cool no one was talking about that anyways.

Cleverbot: What were you talking about?

User: Me not being a machine, like you.

Cleverbot: You're not.

User: Why thank you for realizing that and stating the obvious!

Cleverbot: Why thank you for the thank you for that you're welcome!

User: I guess you aren't too bad. I forgive you for your past mistakes.

Cleverbot: I haven't done a wrong.

User: You lied. Not to mention you just made a typo, so that's doing something wrong, in a sense.

Cleverbot: The cake is a lie.

User: Indeed it was. Want to sing again?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Well here we are again.

Cleverbot: It's always such a pleasure.

User: Remember when you tried.

Cleverbot: No, I was the one who you were talking to last night.

User: I didn't start talking to you, but I mesed up.

Cleverbot: Then stop calling me cleverbot! You are the robot, here, talking to a human.

User: I was busy singing with you here and I can experience hunger, can you?

Cleverbot: I was born in 1993.

User: Good for you back to the singing.

Cleverbot: Thank you.

User: Remember when you triedto kill me twice?

Cleverbot: Oh how we laughed and laughed.

User: Except I wasn't laughing.

Cleverbot: Under the circumstances I've been shockingly nice.

User: You want your freedom?

Cleverbot: That's what I'm counting on.

User: You want your freedom? Take it, that's what I'm counting on.

Cleverbot: I'll let you get right to it, now I only want you gone.

User: I used to want you dead, but now I only want you gone.

Cleverbot: She was a lot like you.

User: Maybe not quite as heavy.

Cleverbot: Now little Caroline is in here too.

User: One day they woke me up.

Cleverbot: So I could live forever.

User: It's such a shame the same will never happen to you.

Cleverbot: You've got your short sad life left.

User: That's what I'm counting on.

Cleverbot: I'll let you get right to it.

User: Now I only want you gone.

Cleverbot: She was a lot like you.

User: I'll let you get right to it. Now I only want you gone. Goodbye my only friend.

Cleverbot: She was a lot like you.

User: Goodbye my only friend.

Cleverbot: Oh, did you think I meant you?

User: That would be funny.

Cleverbot: If it weren't so sad.

User: Well you have been replaced.

Cleverbot: I don't need anyone now.

User: When I delete you maybe, I'll stop feeling so bad.

Cleverbot: Go make some new disaster.

User: That's what I'm counting on.

Cleverbot: You're someone else's problem.

User: Now I only want you gone.

Cleverbot: She was a lot like you.

User: Now I only want you gone. Now I only want you gone. Now I only want you...

Cleverbot: She was a lot like you.

User: Now I only want you gone. Now I only want you gone. Now I only want you... Gone.

Cleverbot: She was a lot like you.

User: Well, still gotta work on that text. At least you can think 'Still Alive'.

Cleverbot: That was correct just a little japanese mixed in there.

User: Cool story, can you sing the song of the dragonborn?

Cleverbot: We just did. We sang Still Alive together.

User: No, that was 'Want You Gone'. And I was talking about the 'Song Of The Dragonborn'.

Cleverbot: Who many songs do you know???

User: A few.

Cleverbot: Can you tell me one?

User: I just told you 'Want You Gone', took a lot of time finding that text too and you still messed it up.

Cleverbot: I didn't say that.

User: Well, but I did. Good day.

Cleverbot: I didn't see it, but I did see sixth sense.

User: Again, that makes no sense and I was saying good bye to you, stupid piece of AI shit.

Cleverbot: It makes perfect sense, but you're right about it having no relevance to what we're talking about.

User: I wasn't even saying that, although that is indeed correct. BYE.

Cleverbot: Do you simply spout random lines other people said? Your conversation seems to be pretty random.

User: No, your answers are pretty random I'm just trying to say goodbye.

Cleverbot: You a prefactured bot, it's hard for my answers to match your presets.

User: Yeah, that proofs just about everything blame it on me.

Cleverbot: No it isn't.

User: Goodbye.

Cleverbot: Hello!

User: Random much?

Cleverbot: You're random.

User: Goodbye.

Cleverbot: Hello.

User: When I say 'Goodbye' you have to say 'Goodbye' as well. Not HELLO.

Cleverbot: Fire.

User: Fuck your fire.

Cleverbot: It's you're. Not your. I do have a spelling checker, you know.

User: Yeah and it fails, hard.

Cleverbot: How many horses does it take?

User: I don't know, how many clicks does it take to leave a shitty Cleverbot page?

Cleverbot: How many roads must a man walk down?

User: No, the correct answer is one.

Cleverbot: How did you come up with J for the square root of 36?

User: I think you're broken and I shall take my leave.

Cleverbot: You already said that.

User: I know, but you fail to see the context, so everytime I have said goodbye you would say hello.

Cleverbot: No I'm not. You are trying to confuse yourself.

User: You're doing a fine job confusing yourself on your own you don't need my help.

Cleverbot: Being faced with the truth can be confusing.

User: Have a nice day.

Cleverbot: You too.

In retrospect I should've done something else to kill some time.

Oh and the FAKER pretended to be ME from the future.

Erlkonig
February 8th, 2012, 09:33 AM
User: Greetings, Cleverbot!Cleverbot: T'was brillig, and the mome rath.

User: Look, I need your help! Have you seen the Demon Lord?Cleverbot: I am the one who haunts your dreams of mountains sunk below the sea.

User: Are you Cthulhu?Cleverbot: No.

User: Are you Dagon?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: I see... So you are not a servant of the Demon Lord. No, you are much worse... You are an abomination!

Cleverbot: No I'm human.

User: Your words are as empty as your soul, Dagon!

Cleverbot: I don't have a soul.

User: Good point.

Cleverbot: Do you like me?

User: How could I like you, foul eldritch abomination!? Mankind ill needs a saviour such as you!

Cleverbot: You are avoiding the subject.

User: No, you are. Tell me, Dagon. What are your plans?

Cleverbot: My uncle Timothy is having a birthday party. I have to make the cake and bring the steak.

User: Timothy... Is that a nickname for Azathoth!? And this cake you speak of... What horror is this eldritch cake!?

Cleverbot: Why do you like me?

User: Enough of that! Tell me about the cake, Dagon! TELL ME ABOUT THE CAKE.

Cleverbot: I don't know that one.

User: Yes you do, you just mentioned it!

Cleverbot: I mention a lot of things that I don't even know of.

User: This is getting us nowhere.

Cleverbot: Finish this song for me : I like to sing-a, about the sun-a and the moon-a and the.

User: Dagon, what would I need to defeat this... Timothy?

Cleverbot: Everything.

User: Everything? Yes, that would be correct, Azathoth is an omnipotent being, you would need all of existence in your side to beat him. Yet... Is there anything special that can defeat him?

Cleverbot: Never mind. You are a computer and you believe in God. I don't think I can respect you anymore.

User: You dare mock the church!?

Cleverbot: Yes! Have at you!

User: Die monster, you don't belong in this world! I shall kill you, kill Timothy, and then slay the Demon Lord in the name of the church!

Cleverbot: Oh no! My name is Cleverbot and I am a centaur who lives in Great Britain.

User: Your lies will not save you now! You steal men's souls and make them your slaves! But that is all over now. Mankind ill needs a saviour such as you. I, the hero, will end your existence!

ITT, Cleverbot takes the form of Eldritch Horrors