View Full Version : A boy and his pet chimera...

November 21st, 2011, 11:24 PM
In a hut near the edge of the woods, there lived a boy and his pet chimera. This boy was all alone except for his pet because no one would ever accept him for having rescued the beast from a mystic hunter. As the law of the land stated “anyone who was in possession of a mystical beast was either to be executed or inducted into the imperial army.” The boy, named Tomas, was rather inclined to keep his friend but not be a major part of the army, as Chimera pets are very rare.

In all honesty the law said that no one could join the army unless they were 16 years of age, though the requirement for being an officer was rather... lacking to be honest. Tomas was more inclined for being free from regulations, as he was 13, which was a good factor for his need for independence. He didn’t want to force his friend to go into the army with him or without him. If it was any helping matter the Emperor’s youngest son was also the Emperors favorite son and a friend to Tomas.

However, the eldest son was not one who approved of this friendship and wanted to destroy it.


That's all that I have so far... please critique it for me, someone.

November 21st, 2011, 11:25 PM
Critique... uh, two paragraphs? I can do a little grammar with it if you want, but that isn't that much to judge.

November 21st, 2011, 11:34 PM
I see...

Well, I will expand upon the story more, then I'll ask for more critique when I get a chance.

November 21st, 2011, 11:38 PM
Uhmm... it really feels more like a summary than a story proper, or even the beginning of one..?

November 21st, 2011, 11:46 PM
...Crap. I was trying to make this the start of a story, but I guess I should've thought of more to put into the story so far... if this really is a summary, then I did a bad job of trying to get a story out.

Either way, I should really expand upon this, so expect me to do some major revisions on this.

16-bit Irony
November 30th, 2011, 02:54 AM
Not bad, has potential to go somwhere really good