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View Full Version : Twice the Misfortune - a 'Toaru Majutsu no Index' Fanfic



Flere821
January 28th, 2012, 08:04 PM
I'm suffering from some masochistic tendencies right now, which is what possessed me to put up a discussion thread on BL for the masses to take apart critique this particular fic of mine.

Recently, I've written Chapter 6 of this fic and I consider that my best piece of writing to date. It's not perfect, and I want to know how I can make it better.

To all readers, I advise you read the Toaru Majutsu no Index Light Novels at BakaTsuki first before reading this fic. Skip the New Testament ones if you wish, but Side Stories (both Index and Railgun ones) are recommended to be read as well. Otherwise more than a few things will be unfamiliar to you if all you have known of this series is the anime and/or manga. It'll be like trying to read a FSN fic when all you know is just the anime and haven't played the VN or read the walkthrough.

Link to fic here: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7409145/1/Twice_the_Misfortune (I don't see the need to re-organize the format of the chapter every time I want to share on a forum when I'm putting it up on FFN too. Sorry for being lazy =/ )

Thanks to all that would take the time to post here. Even if it's flaming and trolling, that's nothing new for BL threads and at least it means people actually have things to say about my writing instead of it being beneath their notice :p


PS: I see myself as a similar kind of author to pureauthor. Not much fight scenes, and mostly aim for emotions/drama/comedy in my writing. For me this is mainly because I suck at fight scenes in general (though after writing the latest chapter... yeah, I still suck at that >.>). If you have any advice, please take this into account as you give them. I've practically given up on improving my fight scenes, and decide to focus on other areas.

ItsaRandomUsername
January 29th, 2012, 03:10 AM
Crap. I want to read, really, I do, but I made a vow that I won't touch ToAru fanfiction with a ten-foot pole until I read all of the light novels.

Once I do, though, I'll give it a looksee. I can guarantee that much.

Flere821
January 29th, 2012, 04:10 AM
Thanks :) How far into the novels are you right now?

ItsaRandomUsername
January 29th, 2012, 04:16 AM
Volume 17.

One of these days I'mma have a super ToAru marathon and finish it all up.

Flere821
January 29th, 2012, 04:20 AM
Nice to see you're already this far into the LNs - take your time though, there's no hurry.

R.Lock
January 29th, 2012, 04:59 AM
I. Was. Waiting. For. It.

Ugh... I was a bit confused by the timeline but Index-fag in my head calmed me down after I remembered it.
Then, oh God, you messed with my brain because I really didn't want LO be pierced by Kakine's wing. Heck, I actually believed that you'll somehow insert Touma/Touko glorious saving (this is the first time when I wanted it). You didn't. Maybe, it's better this way. And... I thought that LO was halved down. Phew, she isn't Fre nda, fortunately.
Now, holy shit, Touko!DRAGON! Weak, but still... For a moment, I thought it would munch his head and destroy Academy City. And then Touma would wake up and revert Touko!DRAGON to the normal form. Dreams, broken dreams...
Now I look for Accel!fem.

Flere821
January 30th, 2012, 03:58 PM
I. Was. Waiting. For. It.

Ugh... I was a bit confused by the timeline but Index-fag in my head calmed me down after I remembered it.
Then, oh God, you messed with my brain because I really didn't want LO be pierced by Kakine's wing. Heck, I actually believed that you'll somehow insert Touma/Touko glorious saving (this is the first time when I wanted it). You didn't. Maybe, it's better this way. And... I thought that LO was halved down. Phew, she isn't Fre nda, fortunately.
Now, holy shit, Touko!DRAGON! Weak, but still... For a moment, I thought it would munch his head and destroy Academy City. And then Touma would wake up and revert Touko!DRAGON to the normal form. Dreams, broken dreams...
Now I look for Accel!fem.
Dragon!Touko being weak is a point I'll address next chapter. There's a reason why something that made Fiamma of the Right shocked isn't a total curbstomp to anything Academy City can throw out right now (It's iffy whether Aiwass has a AIM body at Vol15).

As for no Touma coming at the last second to save the day... a) I don't know HOW Touma can get there when he's stuck inside the hospital, and b) that would feel kinda like a ass-pull or Deus ex Machina, having Touma solve everything - Vol15 didn't have Touma, and I thought I'd keep that part of the novel.

Fem!Accel... yeah, you'll get it next chapter :)

expertus
February 2nd, 2012, 07:57 PM
Fem!Accel... yeah, you'll get it next chapter :)

:D yata! Then the next chap will definitely be great... I wonder if Touma heard the commotions in chap six though...

on a different note, I never thought you'll change your profile fic with Iri... Nice change from the hood-pics btw... although it's kind of weird for me at least...

The Sylentnight
February 3rd, 2012, 02:44 PM
Alter Iri is moe Iri added with extra sexy!!!And I thought you were the one that wrote thiss tory along with the Touhou and ToAru crossover. Those are one of m favortie stories!

Flere821
February 3rd, 2012, 05:11 PM
Alter Iri is moe Iri added with extra sexy!!!And I thought you were the one that wrote thiss tory along with the Touhou and ToAru crossover. Those are one of m favortie stories!
I basically went for Iri Alter because it's the best pic of a Tainted Grail I can think off ^^;

And thanks for your comments on my fics :)