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Ivan The Mouse
May 5th, 2012, 03:42 AM
The title said it all. What are your plans for your funeral and grave, since nobody will live forever, not in this day and age.
(Even if the elixir of life was discovered tomorrow, this is all about fancy thinking.)

Tell me your plans, BL. It could be anything.

I'll start.

1. I want my coffin painted black and made from brushed aluminum.
2. Regardless of the cause of death, I want my casket closed.
3. I don't want my name to be shown or written everywhere where the funeral takes place.
4. I want the attendees to treat the funeral as if it was just a reunion or gathering.
5. I want to limit the attendees exclusively to my relatives. (Optional)
6. Everyone over 13 years of age and of sound mind should not utter my name at all. (Optional)
7. I don't want my name written on my tombstone.
8. I want them to destroy any legal documents that will prove that I once existed. (Optional)
9. I most of all, I want people to sweep the floor and keep themselves clean while the funeral takes place. (Imperative, because it is a cultural thing.)

Mereo Flere
May 5th, 2012, 04:05 AM
I've got simple instructions for my funeral.

"Surprise me."

Five_X
May 5th, 2012, 04:06 AM
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roman_funerals_and_burial

RoadBuster
May 5th, 2012, 04:26 AM
Well, my original plan was to be sealed up in my old Camaro and shot into space, but we had to trade it in when we got the new car... So that's out, I guess.

nununu
May 5th, 2012, 04:33 AM
Currently: make sure I can afford one.

Laith
May 5th, 2012, 04:35 AM
Treat my funeral as to what it is, a chance for everyone to talk between themselves.

Also, if my death was no accident, try not to cry too much. 'tis only the way life works.

Spinach
May 5th, 2012, 04:43 AM
I want to die in a horrible explosion, leaving no recognizable corpse. That, or with a sword lodged into my chest. If I go out via the former, I would like to have no funeral. If the latter, I would like someone to create a sign that claims that whosoever pulls that sword from my chest will be the rightful king of all Britain.

In-N-Out Double-Double & Animal Fries
May 5th, 2012, 05:20 AM
Viking style

wooden ship filled with hay, body on deck sent into sea in a blaze of glory

qsurf
May 5th, 2012, 09:23 AM
A simple cremation, with the ashes placed in pendants for my closest friends and family only. I've always enjoyed whatever time I spend with them.

I3uster
May 5th, 2012, 09:27 AM
Donating my body to science.

Apple
May 5th, 2012, 09:42 AM
This is a very morbid thread

Mcjon01
May 5th, 2012, 09:46 AM
Cryogenic freezing, just in case. Duh. Is there any other valid answer to this question?

Ivan The Mouse
May 5th, 2012, 10:14 AM
Cryogenic freezing, just in case. Duh. Is there any other valid answer to this question?

Yes. Many. Especially those who don't want to live again.

Apple
May 5th, 2012, 10:19 AM
Cryogenic freezing damages your tissues or something anyway so it's really just a way for companies to profiteer off of you while they stick your corpse in a block of ice

eddyak
May 5th, 2012, 10:27 AM
Do you even have to ask?

NUKE.

Apple
May 5th, 2012, 10:28 AM
I will not die, I'll wait here for you. I feel alive, when you're beside me.

I will not die, I'll wait here for you. In my time of dying...

ITT: How to creep out funeral guests

Tobias
May 5th, 2012, 10:29 AM
make sure arranegements to avenge my death are made, preferably by having my body used to create several weapons which my heirs will use to defeat my enemies posthumously

Apple
May 5th, 2012, 10:32 AM
Origin bullets?

Tobias
May 5th, 2012, 10:35 AM
death is no bar to my call.

Rockxas
May 5th, 2012, 10:38 AM
My funeral? I've been thinking about this a lot since quite a few acquaintances have died this year... Casket closed with a small sign that says "it's because he's shy", alternatively cremation with a small sign that says "he wanted to make sure he didn't come back as a zombie", I want the latest Nintendo console and party games to be there, so my cousins can have fun and tell stories about all the nonsensical things that happened while we played videogames. That's good enough I guess?

Mcjon01
May 5th, 2012, 11:07 AM
Yes. Many. Especially those who don't want to live again.

It's okay, the future can brainwash you into wanting to live again with their marvelous technology. Problem solved!


Cryogenic freezing damages your tissues or something anyway so it's really just a way for companies to profiteer off of you while they stick your corpse in a block of ice

Pfft, topic said to plan for my funeral, not plan for my funeral if it happens tomorrow. Logistically, I'm assuming I get to make it to the lower end of an average lifespan, which means the technology should have about 40 to 50 years of advancement by eccentric billionaires who are desperately afraid of death behind it.

Besides, normal funerals are expensive too, and being frozen is cooler than paying to rot in a box in the ground.

eddyak
May 5th, 2012, 11:13 AM
But what happens when you wake up in a hundred years' time, everyone who ever knew you is dead and the money you spent to keep yourself under has dried up?

You'd be the world's first cryogenically-thawed hobo.

Mcjon01
May 5th, 2012, 11:16 AM
You read Transmetropolitan, too?

And hey, "Cryogenically Thawed Hobo", nice band name.

Apple
May 5th, 2012, 11:19 AM
Pfft, topic said to plan for my funeral, not plan for my funeral if it happens tomorrow. Logistically, I'm assuming I get to make it to the lower end of an average lifespan, which means the technology should have about 40 to 50 years of advancement by eccentric billionaires who are desperately afraid of death behind it.

Besides, normal funerals are expensive too, and being frozen is cooler than paying to rot in a box in the ground.

At the rate Cryogenics is going, I honestly don't expect significant improvements in 40, 50 or even 60 years' time.

Tobias
May 5th, 2012, 11:20 AM
If I was going for immortality, I would be hoping I could download myself into a terminator.

Mcjon01
May 5th, 2012, 11:23 AM
At the rate Cryogenics is going, I honestly don't expect significant improvements in 40, 50 or even 60 years' time.

Well, that's true, I suppose. The pace of the research is pretty glacial. The guys working on it could really use an ice kick in the ass to get them going.

Apple
May 5th, 2012, 11:24 AM
You need the sunglasses, Mcjon! The sunglasses!

Mcjon01
May 5th, 2012, 11:51 AM
Geez, it's like you guys don't even know that the best part about (or rather, the entire point of) cryonics is that you get to pretend to be Arnold Schwarzenegger's rendition of Mr. Freeze from Batman & Robin.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SRH-Ywpz1_I

My hero. My ideal.

eddyak
May 5th, 2012, 12:06 PM
You read Transmetropolitan, too?
Nawp.


If I was going for immortality, I would be hoping I could download myself into a terminator.
But that wouldn't be you, it'd be a terminator with your memories and personality.

Tobias
May 5th, 2012, 12:12 PM
But that wouldn't be you, it'd be a terminator with your memories and personality.

and that would be AWESOME

Neir
May 5th, 2012, 12:12 PM
I made a promise to my best friend that I would go to his funeral without pants. Out of respect.

Mcjon01
May 5th, 2012, 12:15 PM
But that wouldn't be you, it'd be a terminator with your memories and personality.

And Terminator-Me would be SUPER HAPPY WITH THAT.


Nawp.

Ah. I just thought... well, there's a lot of shell-shocked cryo-hobos in that comic, on account of liberal hedonism-land the future being hard to adjust to, and the government and everybody else not giving two shits about what happens to you.

I3uster
May 5th, 2012, 12:29 PM
Geez, it's like you guys don't even know that the best part about (or rather, the entire point of) cryonics is that you get to pretend to be Arnold Schwarzenegger's rendition of Mr. Freeze from Batman & Robin.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SRH-Ywpz1_I

My hero. My ideal.
Anybody else would have made me cringe delivering those lines.

But not Arnold.

eddyak
May 5th, 2012, 12:34 PM
Ah. I just thought... well, there's a lot of shell-shocked cryo-hobos in that comic, on account of liberal hedonism-land the future being hard to adjust to, and the government and everybody else not giving two shits about what happens to you.
Nah, I just thought of the Demolition Man movie, and took it a step further.

Flame
May 5th, 2012, 12:53 PM
Play this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=09s-c2JVI40)

legoguydude
May 7th, 2012, 11:32 PM
Play this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=09s-c2JVI40)

Naw, play this instead.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xv24N8H1KyI

TetsuoS2
May 8th, 2012, 09:06 AM
Store myself as data... and...

Oh wait.

legoguydude
May 8th, 2012, 10:14 AM
I'm going to have a huge funeral. It's going to be held in a big building, all my surviving friends and family will be there. Closed-casket. It will be catered; there's going to be a buffet along one wall. After the prayers, the priest (or actor playing priest, if necessary), will encourage everyone to have dinner, and will give that "This is my body, given for you" line before everyone digs in. After dinner, everyone will give their stories about me, and then the priest come forward and give the "This is my body" line again.

Then he'll flip open the casket. It will be empty.

Whoever doesn't puke gets my stuff.

Flame
May 8th, 2012, 02:08 PM
Naw, play this instead.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xv24N8H1KyI

Yeah, that works too.

Fingolfin
May 8th, 2012, 06:25 PM
I want to be on fire at my funeral. I want to go out norse style on a small boat that's been set ablaze. Yeah, that's about right.

Better yet, put a bomb on the boat so I can got out with a bang. They should also play Gun N' Roses - Civil War, or Heavenly - Save Our Souls. Any good Metal would be fine as well.

anamesis
May 8th, 2012, 06:31 PM
I want to be buried under a newly planted tree.

Fingolfin
May 8th, 2012, 06:34 PM
Also, everyone at my funeral should cosplay as whatever their favorite fictional character is.

Maybe.

legoguydude
May 8th, 2012, 10:55 PM
I'm going to have a huge funeral. It's going to be held in a big building, all my surviving friends and family will be there. Closed-casket. It will be catered; there's going to be a buffet along one wall. After the prayers, the priest (or actor playing priest, if necessary), will encourage everyone to have dinner, and will give that "This is my body, given for you" line before everyone digs in. After dinner, everyone will give their stories about me, and then the priest come forward and give the "This is my body" line again.

Then he'll flip open the casket. It will be empty.

Whoever doesn't puke gets my stuff.

I cannot believe this didn't get a reaction.

NZXT
May 10th, 2012, 09:12 PM
I don't particularly like the idea of being shoved in the dirt, having a bunch of people I don't even like come and apologize for shit I didn't even care to notice that they did, then forget about me for extended periods of time, only to come around once in a blue moon and put some weeds on a hunk of rock that just happens to be placed on the dirt above me.

I hope someone has good enough sense to just toss me in a river somewhere.

Alternatively, my girlfriend has mentioned having an interest in Cannibalism. If we're still together when I finally kick it, I might just let her have the corpse if she finds it first.