PDA

View Full Version : What if (Almost) Everybody was Shirou's Servant?



Pages : [1] 2

Mereo Flere
March 26th, 2011, 01:35 PM
Fate/Stay Night Fan Fiction.

Tentative Name: "Emiya-san and the Seven Servants"

XXX

“Onii-chan, wake up. It’s time for your execution.”

Emiya Shirou thought that he was a pretty nice guy. At the very least he couldn’t think of any reason he would have made any enemies – even Shinji, who occasionally complained about his sister visiting him too often, was still on speaking terms with him. He had been sure that he had not wronged anybody on purpose and if he had then certainly not to the degree of making people want to kill him.

And yet, here he was, in his bedroom dressed in his pajamas…staring at the girl who had just barged into his home in the dead of night. Though it took a moment he realized he couldn’t even recognize her, and if he had ever met a girl that had the kind of long white hair and red eyes she had he definitely would have recalled her. To begin with, you only saw that kind of character in an anime or a game – and it seemed a little unreal for one to invade her room like she did.

“I see, I haven’t woken up yet,” he said with a nod. He had to admit, however, that there was probably something wrong with him, if he dreamt about little girls running into his room calling him Onii-chan when he didn’t even have a sister. He wasn’t perverted like Shinji was – at least he didn’t think he was.

“On the bright side, at least it isn’t that kind of dream. She’s only trying to kill me, after all.”

The girl stared back at him, before giggling. “You’re so silly Onii-chan. However,” she continued, her lips forming a mischievous smile. “You really should wake up.”

All of a sudden, a grey giant appeared beside his bed – standing over Shirou with a stern expression. Before the young man could even react to the mountain of muscle seeming to materialize out of thin air his shirt was grabbed by a massive hand that raised Shirou into the air. Then, with an almost lazy throw, the giant tossed Shirou through the bedroom door.

Ilya whistled appreciatively after watching Shirou sail over her head. Then, just as Shirou picked himself up off of the ground she walked over – taking in the expression on his face as he shakily got back onto his feet. As he realized, quite painfully, that this wasn’t a dream after all, the shock and confusion slowly turned to dread and panic.

“Just wait a second,” he said hastily. “Look I don’t even know who you are – I haven’t even seen you before today!”

“Ah, of course,” the girl said with a covered gasp, as though that fact had just been pointed out. Then, she curtsied politely before him, as though she hadn’t just told him that he was going to be killed just moments before. “I’m Ilyasviel von Einzbern, and this is my servant Berserker.”

“That’s not really the issue here,” Shirou said, honestly not caring what his killers’ names would be. “Look, I bet you don’t even know who I am!”

“You’re Emiya Shirou, aren’t you Onii-chan?” Ilya asked, tilting her head curiously.

He blinked. “Well…yes.”

“Then you’re the person I’m looking for after all.”

If he could have risked it, Shirou would have face palmed right there.

“Okay,” he said, getting more unnerved about the situation the longer their conversation went – but at least the longer they talked the longer he had to think about it. How had she even gotten past the alarm without him knowing? Or better yet – “So you know who I am, but why are you trying to kill me?”

“Ah, times up,” Ilya said, looking at a nonexistent watch on her wrist. “The time for questions is up – you should start running if you want to live.”

Shirou looked at her, and then to the man called Berserker behind her. Sometime during their discussion the giant had pulled out a giant axe club from nowhere – and it was simple enough to understand what Berserker planned to do with it. Though it hurt simply to look at the sharp, jagged edges of the weapon, it would be far worse actually feel it dig into him as it tore him apart, however quickly it would be.

“Well,” the girl said, raising a brow. “What are you waiting for?”

This girl was serious. She was seriously going to kill him.

“Run.”

XXX

Emiya Shirou ran for his life. Scrambling through his house, he hoped that the giant’s size would get in the way of the attempted murder in progress. He had no such luck today, however. As he ran sounds of crashing – of walls being torn open as if they were made of paper, could clearly be heard behind him, usually followed by a guttural, almost inhuman roar. Against his better judgment he glanced over his shoulder to see his greatest fear confirmed – Berserker was simply charging through any obstacles, in a straight line towards the boy. Berserker didn’t even need to swing his sword to knock things away; he simply went through them as though he were a bulldozer, and the man only continued to catch up with him.

Suddenly, Shirou decided he had to change his plan. Changing directions, he broke towards his household’s backyard, hoping that he could at least get to his workhouse. At least there he could find some sort of improvised weapon, even though he couldn’t be sure just how effective it would be against his assailant. Still, it was better than just being run down like road kill.

He dashed barefoot across the empty field. In his mind, he counted down the meters until he would reach the workhouse doors – trying to ignore the quickly shrinking distance between him and the enemy behind him.

Twenty meters.

Fifteen meters.

Ten.

As he neared the door, he felt hope rise inside of his chest. For a moment, he believed that he might stand a chance of making through it alive.

It was naïve, however. Dropping out of the sky, a familiar figure landed in the ground in front of me, a few cracks forming in the earth where he had fallen. Shirou barely stopped himself in time avoid crashing into the servant, luckily tumbling out of the way when the axe club swung down into the space he had occupied just a second earlier.
He rolled back onto his feet immediately, but froze when he noticed Berserker wasn’t following up his attack. Though he knew he should keep running, he finally understood that it wouldn’t matter if he tried. He was completely at the mercy of Berserker’s whims.

“You’ve already given up running Onii-chan?” a disappointed voice behind him asked.

No wait – not Berserker’s whims. The girl’s.

Shirou didn’t dare turn around to face the girl and turn his back to Berserker. If he was going to die, he’d die facing his killer. “This is just a game to you, isn’t Ilyasviel?”

“I was hoping I could see you run around a little longer.”

“Sorry to disappoint.”

“Well then, if you’re not going to play…Berserker, finish him!”

The servant looked at Shirou, raising its club high into the air. Shirou rose to his feet, ready to meet it.

“Just to make sure,” he asked, hoping to clear one last thing up. “It’s only me you’re after, right?”

“If you’re worried about your friends – don’t worry. I only came after you tonight, Onii-chan.”

“Ah…well that’s good.”

The axe club came down. Shirou closed his eyes, waiting for the inevitable, but the inevitable never happened. Instead, what came were a sound of stone against steel and a wave of air harmlessly passing over him.

He opened one eye, and then another. Standing between him and Berserker were six new figures. Two of them, a pair of swordsmen – one a samurai, the other an armored knight - used their blades to lock Berserker’s weapon in place. Another, a blindfolded woman in an amazingly short dress, wielded a chain that was wrapped around the axe club, helping hold it down. Yet another, a spearman dressed in blue held a blood red lance at the man’s throat. Finally, another two, a cloaked figure and a man in a red coat, stood off to either side – simply watching the giant.

Behind him, he heard Ilyasviel gasp in horror. Whoever these people were, it was clear she saw them as an enemy as well. Before he could ask what was going on, however, Berserker roared – tossing aside the obstacles that had gotten in his way. Then, breaking through the line of Shirou’s mysterious allies, he barreled towards Ilya, picking her up before jumping away.

“So, they got away,” the man in red said, sounding amused.

“Quiet, it’s not like you did anything!” the blue one shouted, rising back onto his feet.

“Of course. I thought you guys would be able to handle things fine. Forgive me for overestimating you.”

“Why you…”

“Though I loathe letting them go,” the knight interjected before an argument could explode between them. Now that Shirou looked closer, he could tell that she was a young woman. “It would be unwise to chase after them, as disorganized as we are.”

“Speaking of which,” the samurai said. “How did this even happen?”

The man in red shrugged. “Who knows? Maybe our friend here screwed up the summoning ritual so much he accidentally managed a miracle.”

“Not that I don’t appreciate your help,” Shirou said, finally speaking up. “But…just what’s going on?”

The six figures turned to him, exchanging a few looks between them. “I suppose there’s no point in delaying it, after all. We have to do that,” the spearman said, shrugging.

“Hey – don’t ignore me!”

“Ah, yes, that,” the samurai said with a smile, as if he were intentionally trying to annoy Shirou.

“What do you guys mean by that?!”

“Of course, of course, that is very important,” the man in red said, this time definitely trying to annoy Shirou.

“What they mean by that is a question we must ask of you,” the knight said, giving the other servants a stern look.

“A question?” Shirou asked, blinking.

“Are you my master?” the cloaked figure asked, finally speaking up for the first time.

“Are you my master?” repeated the samurai.

“Are you really my master?” asked the spearman, raising a brow.

“I can’t believe you’re my master!” the man in red said, exasperated.

“At least do this properly!” chided the knight, before adding, “Are you my master?”

“Yes, yes, are you my master?” the man said.

“...there is no reason to ask,” the blindfolded woman said, as the others looked towards her for her turn. “This man is without a doubt my master.”

Shirou stared at the group. “To be honest, none of that helped me figure out what is happening at all.”

XXX


Tohsaka Rin made it no secret that she fancied herself as a genius – and she was entirely correct. Whether it was as a student, as a practitioner of majutsu, or even as a martial artist, there were very few people she knew that could hold a candle to her. However, she certainly wasn't perfect, and she was prone to making mistakes. Not all the time, but when something went wrong it went terribly wrong.

And today, something had gone terribly, terribly wrong.

For instance, today she had forgotten to set the clocks back because of Daylight Savings Time. That little, inconsequential mistake caused her to wake up an hour earlier than she wanted to, go to school an hour earlier than she had planned and, perhaps most tragically, she almost missed the timing of her greatest hour of power. It was a mistake only an amateur would make, and it would have cost her dearly when she had tried to summon her desired servant, Saber.

Yet, even after preparing the ritual, reciting the words, and doing everything that she had been required to do for the summoning…nothing came out. Sure, there was a bright red light that appeared as she finished the last step, but even that flickered for a moment before dying completely. Unless her servant was invisible, she had failed to summon anything at all; not even the command seals, which were supposed to carve themselves onto her body, had made their presence known.

“…no, that can’t be right…”

She double checked the clocks and made sure she had started the spell when she reached the height of her power. Even if she had done something wrong (which she was sure she hadn’t), her own magical power would have compensated for an imperfect ritual for her. Maybe she wouldn’t have summoned the servant she was after, or maybe something would go wrong and it would end up in a different location than she had expected, but for the summoning ritual to completely fizzle out…? In the past, people had even managed to summon servants completely on accident – so why couldn’t she?

Just to make sure she had done things properly, she redid the ritual. The same thing happened: No summoning, no command seals, and most of all no servant.

Something was wrong.

“Argh!” she yelled in frustration. How in the world had this even happened? Though she hated to go to Kotomine for help, she had no choice in the matter.

“What do you mean all seven servants have already been summoned?! You told me there had only been one summoned up until today.”

“I was quite surprised as well,” the priest said, on the other side of the phone call. He genuinely seemed surprised, but there was a hint of amusement in his voice that irked Rin to no end. “It seems that just half an hour ago the last six servants were summoned.”

“All of them?!”

“Yes. All of them, at the same time apparently.”

Her heart sank. Then… “Wait, you said half an hour ago?”

“Yes. Unfortunately, if you wanted to summon a servant it seems that you should have done it…oh, about an hour ago.”

A moment passed. Then, Kotomine had to pull the phone away from his ear as he heard an incomprehensible scream come out through the line.

XXX

Emiya Shirou hadn’t gone to bed yesterday expecting to be attacked by a small girl and a giant man wielding a weapon bigger than most people. He also hadn’t expected to be saved by a group of six people calling them servants, right when he thought he was going to die; this, he wasn’t really going to complain about since he particularly enjoyed not being killed.

People die when they are killed, you know.

He also hadn’t expected to spend the next hour sitting in his destroyed living room, sitting around a table that was far too small for the group gathered, listening to his saviors proclaim themselves to be his servants and talk about something called a Holy Grail War. It was a lot to take in, however.

At the very least, he figured out what their names were…or rather, what they called themselves. The female knight was called Saber, the blue spearman was called Lancer. The main in red, despite not wielding any visible bow, called himself Archer, and amazingly the samurai wasn’t called Katana or Samurai but, instead, Assassin. The cloaked figure, who removed her hood to reveal the face of a blue haired woman with pointed ears named herself as Caster, which Shirou presumed meant that she could cast spells, and the woman with a blindfold bore the name Rider.

Each one was a servant meant to aid their master in a war against other servants and masters. Normally, each team was a pair, like Ilyasviel and Berserker had been.

“I take it this is highly unusual then,” Shirou said, glancing around the people he had summoned, “For one master to call out six servants.”

“More than one generally doesn’t happen,” Saber admitted, clearly worried about these turn of events. “But fortunately, it’s a mystery that works in your favor.”

“My favor…huh…”

“Yes,” Caster said softly, though it sounded as though she was still trying to make sense of it like Shirou was. “With six servants at your side, and one enemy, this should be a particularly quick war.”

“I don’t particularly like the idea of ganging up on a girl and her oversized attack dog,” Lancer said, scowling.

“Neither do I,” Assassin said, nodding in agreement. “However, if it’s what the master desires…”

“I don’t think he knows what he wants himself,” Archer said, crossing his arms. “It doesn’t seem like he understands just what kind of situation he’s in.”

“No, I think I get it,” Shirou said, holding up a hand. “I summoned all of you somehow, and now we have to defeat that girl’s Berserker before we can receive the Holy Grail.”

“More or less,” Archer said. “However, due to you summoning so many of us at once, it appears that we are…weakened.”

“Weakened?”

“Yes. Generally, one master supports one servant,” Caster said, taking control of the explanation. “To support six servants would mean dividing the power each one received by six. Even if one was an extraordinary magus-”

“Which he clearly isn’t,” Archer interjected. “I can’t believe our master is this weak.”

“-each of his servants would still be severely underprovided for,” Caster continued, ignoring Archer. “To compensate for this, it appears that our strength has been diminished from what it should have been. It seems likely that, even with the six of us working together, we would have a tough battle ahead of us if we challenged Berserker head on.”

“That is, if the six of us can even work together,” Lancer said, shooting a look towards Archer and Caster. Caster simply ignored him, while Archer shrugged.

“So this girl, Ilyasviel,” Shirou said, thinking back to the attack. “She attacked me because I became part of this war?”

“Probably not, Master,” Rider said, kneeling before Shirou. “After all, she attacked you before you summoned any of us, and she seemed surprised when you did manage to call us.”

“Anybody would,” Shirou pointed out. “When all six of you appeared at once.”

“In any case, whatever her reasons for trying to kill you are, it isn’t likely because you were going to be or even could have been a master.”

Shirou sighed. So, it seemed he still had no idea why Ilyasviel had attacked him out of nowhere or anything else about her at all. The only thing he understood was that she happened to be a master in the same war he was supposed to fight in now, and that she could come back at any time.

“So, what will you do now, Master?” Saber asked, her eyes seeming to pierce through Shirou. “Shall we go after Ilyasviel and Berserker?”

“No, let’s not,” Shirou said, shaking his head. “I don’t particularly like trying to kill a little girl even after she tried to kill me. War or no war, we can wait for her to come to us.”

“But…”

“There’s no guarantee that she’ll even come back, right?”

“I highly doubt she’ll give up after trying to kill you once, Master,” Saber said, resisting the urge to roll her eyes.

ringlhach
March 26th, 2011, 01:54 PM
Rin Zouken Everyone is going to kill him as soon as they figure out he just broke Heaven's Feel.


As I neared the door, I felt hope rise inside of me. For a moment, I believed that I would might stand a chance of making through it alive.

Why so suddenly first person?

Theocrass
March 26th, 2011, 01:57 PM
This is strangely and completely awesome.

Mereo Flere
March 26th, 2011, 01:58 PM
Because I am a stupid poopy head who's been switching between writing different fics all morning and didn't notice that mistake.

Thanks for pointing that out, ringlhach.

ringlhach
March 26th, 2011, 01:59 PM
You're welcome. I've got this sudden image of "DOGPILE ON SHIROU" going on, though, and EMIYA just standing off to the side, facepalming.

Theocrass
March 26th, 2011, 02:04 PM
I have a sudden image of Caster, Saber, and Rider fighting over Shirou. Also, Assassin, Archer, and Lancer bro trio!

EnigmaticFellow
March 26th, 2011, 02:22 PM
This fic seems to be rather interesting.

lantzblades
March 26th, 2011, 03:12 PM
I can't really describe my reaction to this. I laughed like a mad man with the "are you my master?" bit totally gonna keep reading it as you make more.

Erlkonig
March 26th, 2011, 03:19 PM
This is gold. Pure gold. This is so golden that it'd even blind Gilgamesh!

Also


“I can’t believe you’re my master!”

My little Master can't be this lame!

ItsaRandomUsername
March 26th, 2011, 03:21 PM
A stroke of genius, this be.

eddyak
March 26th, 2011, 03:25 PM
I have high hopes for this.

Milbunk
March 26th, 2011, 03:28 PM
This fic looks interesting, I can't wait to see more.

Ergast
March 26th, 2011, 03:40 PM
As the other said, really promising fic. Keep going at it.

Also, why I'm picturing now EMIYA with his trollface going like: "Well, as all of us have the same master and then we won't fight against us, let's introduce ourselves. You are Arturia, you are Cu chulain, you are Medea, you are Medusa and you are a guy who is as good as the legend said Kojiroh Sasaki is. Close enough?"

eddyak
March 26th, 2011, 03:59 PM
I thought EMIYA would be more like, "So none of us are getting enough prana. You sure you don't wanna do mana transfer with us all?" trollface

Keyne
March 26th, 2011, 04:10 PM
I thought EMIYA would be more like, "So none of us are getting enough prana. You sure you don't wanna do mana transfer with us all?" trollface

Shirou: You know what? Fuck yourself.
Archer: With pleasure. *trollface*
Shirou: Hey whadaya... ARGH!

ttestagr
March 26th, 2011, 04:11 PM
Rider and Caster are the only ones who we know are aware of mana transfer via sex (Caster used this with Kuzuki and Rider used sex and blood rather obviously.) I imagine they would quickly try to get him alone and boost themselves. Though Archer might know about it if his war progressed down a way to bring it up...

eddyak
March 26th, 2011, 04:14 PM
Shirou: You know what? Fuck yourself.
Archer: With pleasure. *trollface*
Shirou: Hey whadaya... ARGH!
Shirou: Whatthefuckareyouaaaaaaaahn!
Archer: Try not to clench.
Saber: ........... I'm okay with this.

Erlkonig
March 26th, 2011, 04:18 PM
Fu-fujoshi...!?

Certis Baliano
March 26th, 2011, 05:20 PM
This fic made my day.

SeiKeo
March 26th, 2011, 06:11 PM
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_FGhipZH7DII/S7TRM7D4hjI/AAAAAAAAEXA/y1HaS0PoPmc/s1600/spockwin.jpg

B.B. Rain
March 27th, 2011, 11:32 AM
Oboy oboy.

This looks really awesome, but I think he's gonna end up in trouble pretty fast.

He still only has the three command spells right? And they haven't suddenly become reusable?

Oooh, wait. Will Caster be any good at teaching him better magecraft? I'm not exactly conversant on the differences between the bastardized modern he's been practicing and the vintage Age of Gods she's used to.

Also, the pre-slaughter interaction between Illyasviel and Shirou was priceless.

Erlkonig
March 27th, 2011, 11:33 AM
Is somebody even able to learn divine language when not in the Age of the Gods? Furthermore, wouldn't learning it take a long amount of time.

Elf
March 27th, 2011, 01:09 PM
God, this is amazing and hilarious.

Yeah, I'm wondering when the prana transfer is going to come up.

At least if he partners up with Rin, she could help.

Much to Lancer's (and Archer's) complete glee.

Garlak
March 27th, 2011, 02:34 PM
Is it accurate that when I read the part where Rin called Kotomine, I pictured an Atomic F Bomb going off?

Kinda like this:

http://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/Cityfbomb.jpg


As the other said, really promising fic. Keep going at it.

Also, why I'm picturing now EMIYA with his trollface going like: "Well, as all of us have the same master and then we won't fight against us, let's introduce ourselves. You are Arturia, you are Cu chulain, you are Medea, you are Medusa and you are a guy who is as good as the legend said Kojiroh Sasaki is. Close enough?"

... This needs to happen, if only in an Omake!

... Please?

Neir
March 27th, 2011, 04:24 PM
Maybe each command from the Command Spell affects all of them?

Mereo Flere
March 27th, 2011, 07:45 PM
“Okay, we have a serious problem,” Shirou said.

“Is it the fact that there’s a tiny little girl with a giant mountain of muscle out to kill you?” Archer asked.

“Well, that’s part of it, but that’s not what I meant.”

“Is it about the fact that there’s berserker shaped holes in most of the walls of your house?”

“Okay, that needs to be taken care of too, but-”

“Or is it the fact that you have no idea what you’re doing.”

“That’s a little harsh isn’t it? I mean, I just got thrown into this today and-”

“Wait, I’ve got it – it’s a school night and you have a biology test in the morning that you forgot about until I mentioned it and you haven’t studied for at all.”

“No, well, yes…how did you even know that?”

Archer smirked knowingly, before shrugging. That guy was really starting to annoy Shirou.

“Oh, okay, I admit it. We have a lot of serious problems,” Shirou said, sighing. To be honest, he wasn’t sure what he had done to piss the guy off – they hadn’t even known each other for more than a couple of hours. Then again, he hadn’t even known about Ilya at all before she had tried to kill him, but at least Archer didn’t seem like he would attack him. One of the first things the servants explained to him was that if the master died the servant would also disappear.

It wasn’t like Archer would ever want to kill himself, would he?

“Archer…” Saber said strongly, tapping her finger against the table a few times to get the man’s attention. “Perhaps you should let our Master finish talking.”

“If you insist.”

“Thank you, Saber,” Shirou said, smiling. She simply stared back at him, waiting for what he had to say; already, he had begun to understand that she was probably the most serious of his servants. “Anyway – we have a lot of serious problems. However, one of them is the fact that I’ve got people coming over soon.”

“People?” Lancer said, smiling wryly at the boy. “In the middle of the night? I admit, you seemed like the prudish sort, but-”

“Ah, that’s not what I meant,” Shirou said quickly, laughing weakly. “It’s just my friend’s sister and my teacher.”

“Even more impressive!”

“It’s just for breakfast,” he said, noting the slight look of disappointment of Lancer’s face when he found out that his master wasn’t some sort of Casanova calling over a harem. “But they’ll be here in a few hours.”

“Understood,” Rider said, nodding her head. “I will try to make the best impression that I can when greeting them, Master.”

“No – that’s not it at all,” Shirou said, holding up a hand. He felt a little silly when he realized that she probably wouldn’t be able to see the gesture since her eyes were covered, but he couldn’t just let her go walk up to Sakura or Taiga and introduce herself as a servant. “To be honest, I don’t think I know quite how I’ll explain…”

“Everything?” Assassin added helpfully.

“Yes,” Shirou said, nodding. “Everything.”

“Understood,” Rider said. “I will simply explain to them that we are your mistresses.”

“I see,” Saber said, surprisingly agreeing to Rider’s plan. For some reason, Shirou had imagined that it would go against her honor or tarnish her pride, or something. Not that that was a good thing at the moment. “Truly, it would be the most logical reason for some of us to suddenly appear and also stay by his side – but it would not explain Archer, Lancer, or Assassin.”

Rider looked at Saber, and for a moment Shirou could swear she blinked at the knight. Then, after a moment of thought, she tilted her head and said, “What would be the masculine version of mistresses?”

“Masters?” Assassin added helpfully.

“Ah. But Shirou is our only master.”

Lancer’s eye twitched. “Now, wait just a second! I don’t mind if you guys pretend to be sleeping with him, but don’t lump me into your group!”

“Then what should we call you?”

“At least call me a bodyguard! That’s what essentially we’re doing anyway, protecting him!”

“If that’s the way we want to go,” Assassin said, stroking his chin sagely, “Then we should call Master Shirou ‘Aniki’ in order to better fit in with this era.”

“In that case, I too would prefer to be called a bodyguard,” Saber said.

Shirou face palmed. “You guys…are making me out to sound like some sort of yakuza boss.”

“It’s still better than being labeled a manwhore, though, isn’t it?” Lancer said, crossing his arms.

“Well…yes,” Shirou admitted. “But somehow, this still seems like it’s going to backfire on us.”

“Then it’s settled, Aniki. It’s not like you have any better ideas, do you?”

“Could you guys just, I don’t know…hide?”

“Hide where?” Archer asked, sounding amused by the whole conversation. “In case you forgotten, there are more holes in your house than a slice of Swiss cheese.” To emphasize his point, he gestured to the wall behind him…and then in front of him, and then just everywhere in general.

Shirou groaned. “Okay, okay, I get your point. I don’t even know how I’m going to handle that…”

“About that,” Caster said, raising a hand. “I can probably manage to take care of that.”

The other six people in the room turned to Caster – though only Shirou himself seemed to be surprised. “Really?” he asked.

“I am a witch after all, though this is rather basic. You can do something simple as fixing things with your spells too, can’t you?”

“Actually…”

“Just take that as a no,” Archer said.

“…well, in any case, I can handle it if you wish.”

“That would be very helpful, thank you.”

XXX

With Caster’s magic, they were able to repair most of the damage to his household. Unfortunately, it took some time going through each room and taking inventory of what was broken – and they were on a tight schedule as it was. Fortunately, with the others helping sort things out, they had managed to put everything back in its place.

Amazingly, Archer of all people seemed to figure out where things were supposed to go even before Shirou said anything. To be honest, Shirou had started to get a sneaking suspicion that the man was psychic; it would certainly explain how he somehow managed to preempt Shirou so often. He wouldn’t complain though. Despite his attitude, he really did need the help getting things in order.

He looked at the clock and sighed in relief when he realized they finished with some time to spare. With a smile, he turned to his servants to congratulate them for a job well done, even if it was only cleaning up. It was then, however, that he realized that Rider had strayed from the rest of the group – and it was also then that he heard the front door slide open.

“Ah!” came the surprised shout of his underclassmen. “W-who are you?”

“Oh,” came Rider’s voice from the same direction, equally surprised, though lacking the confusion that Sakura’s had. “I…am Master Shirou’s mistress.”

Shirou froze for a moment, hoping that he had only imagined Rider saying that.

“S-Shirou’s mistress?” Shirou heard Sakura ask, apparently hoping that she had misheard things as well.

After a moment, which Shirou imagined Rider spent nodding, his servant said, with even more confidence than before, “Yes, you heard correctly. I am Master Shirou’s mistress.”

“Master Shirou…Mistress…” Sakura said, her voice seeming to wobble. Then -

-THUD-

- something fell onto the floor.

“I think you should go check up on your friend,” Assassin said, smiling weakly at his master.

“I…I think I should too,” Shirou said shakily, before taking off towards the entrance.

By the time he arrived there, his fears were confirmed. Though Rider had already picked up Sakura from the floor, he could tell that she was simply hanging limply from the servant’s arms.

“She fainted,” Rider explained.

“Yes, I see that she did,” Shirou said.

XXX

When Sakura woke up, she was lying on the living room floor – her head resting on somebody’s lap. Though she couldn’t remember falling asleep inside of Shirou’s house, she didn’t complain about getting a chance to lay her head on her upperclassmen’s legs. She was sure that the two of them would have to leave for class soon, so this was a rare opportunity that she wouldn’t waste.

Nonetheless, though she was trying to pretend to be asleep, her eyes closed as tightly as she could make them, she couldn’t help but smile softly when her senpai started to run a hand through her hair, playing with it a little like she had dreamed of him doing so many times before. It was then that she was glad that she took careful care everyday –conditioning it to make sure it was soft and smooth just for a moment like this. Then, when she felt her senpai lean over – his own long hair tickling her face, she suppressed a giggle and…



Wait. Her senpai didn’t have long hair.

Immediately her eyes opened, and she bolted up – going from a lying down position to standing up in less than a second. She threw an accusatory finger at the person she had been resting on, seeing it was the same woman she had seen at the entrance.

“Y-you!”

“Yes?” Rider replied, tilting her head slightly.

It took a moment, but the words Rider had said flooded back into Sakura’s memory. “You…you’re the mistress!”

“Ah…yes,” Rider said, bowing her head. “That was a joke,” she continued, as though she had rehearsed that line carefully.

XXX

From the kitchen, Shirou heard the scream come from the living room and cringed. Even though he had just gotten his apron on, hoping to have something prepared to eat by the time Sakura woke up, it seemed that she wouldn’t

“You can’t run from it forever,” Lancer said with a grin, patting the smaller guy on the shoulder. “You shouldn’t be in the kitchen anyway, when your girlfriend was knocked out. She seemed to take it pretty hard, after all.”

Shirou didn’t bother to correct him and simply nodded. It seemed he wouldn’t be able to procrastinate on explaining his new friends after all. Actually, he wasn’t sure why he thought it would be a good idea to leave Sakura alone with Rider in the first place.

Walking into the living room, he was relieved to see that Sakura hadn’t fainted again. Instead, she had simply frozen in place as though she had been petrified, pointing a finger at Rider. He stared at the sight for a few disbelieving seconds, wondering if Sakura would even blink if enough time passed. Rider, for the most part, remained composed; too composed, really, all things considered. The servant simply stared at Shirou’s friend with a curious expression on her face…from what he could see of her face, anyway.

Finally he coughed, catching Sakura’s attention. Immediately, she unfroze, turning to Shirou with a panicked expression. “Senpai! I can’t believe you had a mistress!”

“Didn’t Rider tell you that she was making a joke?” Shirou asked, looking to the servant who nodded.

“Who would believe that, when she’s dressed like that?!”

Shirou winced. He knew he had forgotten something – the funny thing about Heroic Spirits was that they all seemed to stand out. Saber wore armor, Lancer wore a bodysuit, and Assassin was dressed like someone straight out of an old samurai movie. Archer and Caster could probably pass as normal if they removed their coats and cloaks – though, they still stood out in other ways.

Rider, however would have the hardest time fitting in. Her dress seemed impossibly short, and with those thigh high boots and blindfold he could understand why Sakura didn’t seem to believe Rider, now of all times.

“I-it’s just the fashion overseas,” he said, though he couldn’t imagine any place that would have that sort of fashion be considered normal.

Maybe Hollywood. Rider did have a body suited for a model or an actress, after all, even if she seemed to lack in common sense at the moment.

“Oh? And I suppose your torn pajamas are part of that fashion too?”

…right. That was another thing he had forgotten.

“No – I just got up myself. Look,” he said hastily, trying to find a way to convince Sakura he wasn’t keeping a sex slave. “She’s just an associate that my father knew.”

“Your father had a mistress too?!”

“No!” Shirou said, shaking his head. “She and some others came today, to handle some affairs with my father’s estate. Now that I’m old enough, I am officially going to inherit my father’s properties.”

“Is there any problem?” Saber said, ducking into the room. Shirou prepared to cringe – though he was surprised to see that she had changed out of her armor, though he wasn’t sure where she had gotten the suit.

“Another girl, senpai?” Sakura said, raising a brow.

Saber nodded, as if her gender was ever really the question. “Yes,” she said. “I knew Shirou’s Father. At this moment, I came to act as Shirou’s bodyguard.”

“Oh, a bodyguard?” Sakura asked, crossing her arms. “So you’re not one Shirou’s mistresses too?”

“No,” Saber said, shaking her head.

“Well,” Sakura began, sighing in relief. “That’s go-”

“Not anymore, at least.”

Shirou face palmed as Sakura began to turn red. Accusatory glances flew at Saber and Shirou, until finally Rider pulled at Sakura’s sleeve.

“Ah…yes,” Rider said, as soon as she had Sakura’s attention. “That was a joke.”

Theocrass
March 27th, 2011, 07:50 PM
@ Neir: Well, since Shirou didn't notice 21 tattoos randomly appearing on his body I'd say that's so.

Erlkonig
March 27th, 2011, 07:52 PM
This is so goddamn funny! AAAAAAAAAAAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Theocrass
March 27th, 2011, 07:58 PM
It most certainly is! :D

Airen
March 27th, 2011, 08:02 PM
This made my day, seriously. :D
It's probably... No, it is, without a doubt, the funniest thing I've read today.

SeiKeo
March 27th, 2011, 08:30 PM
Oh man this is brilliant.

Certis Baliano
March 27th, 2011, 08:37 PM
This keeps on getting better and better.

eddyak
March 27th, 2011, 08:38 PM
*tries to comment*

*laughing too hard to even use proper grammar*

*gives up*

lantzblades
March 27th, 2011, 09:08 PM
can't wait for more. geez that's good.

lethum
March 27th, 2011, 09:31 PM
*Laughs out Loud*

lethum
March 27th, 2011, 09:33 PM
@Theocrass: Maybe Shirou's tatoo's are three sets of a bunch of comand seals?

EnigmaticFellow
March 27th, 2011, 10:56 PM
Hell, if SoL segments are this funny, then I can't wait for some of the complications that will arise in the Grail War.

Mereo Flere
March 27th, 2011, 11:25 PM
You'd probably be disappointed then, EF. SoL is my specialty, after all.

Just want to make sure you guys don't get your hopes too high.

EnigmaticFellow
March 27th, 2011, 11:27 PM
I'm cool with either aspect. As long as we're all laughing too much to care for anything else, all will be well with most of us I guess.

Elf
March 27th, 2011, 11:49 PM
Pure joy and lols.

Hoster
March 28th, 2011, 01:28 AM
“So you’re not one Shirou’s mistresses too?”

“No,” Saber said, shaking her head.

“Well,” Sakura began, sighing in relief. “That’s go-”

“Not anymore, at least.”

Oh Saber...

mangafreak7793
March 28th, 2011, 01:31 AM
I can imagine this will end badly or a harem route

Grant
March 28th, 2011, 01:57 AM
Well there's three of the cutest/sexiest Fate characters and three of the GARest Fate characters...so I'm gonna go with "going to end badly in harem route". I wonder if that means Archer will be trying to kill Shirou while he sleeps with Rider and Lancer talks women with (False) Assassin. Simultaneously.

Theocrass
March 28th, 2011, 02:06 AM
I wonder if Shirou will end up in bed with all SIX of them. We must also consider how they will deal with Gilgamesh and Zouken (though the latter was never terribly impressive).

Grant
March 28th, 2011, 02:26 AM
Not impressive? His first major act led to the death of a good character and got True Assassin who killed Saber.

Theocrass
March 28th, 2011, 02:28 AM
I mean in terms of combat ability, but you do have a point.

Mereo Flere
March 28th, 2011, 03:38 AM
Rin Zouken Everyone is going to kill him as soon as they figure out he just broke Heaven's Feel.

You know, the more I read it, the more I love the phrase, so "Shirou broke Heaven's Feel" is the official summary of this fic.

Bishamon
March 28th, 2011, 04:03 AM
The look on Rin's face is going to be priceless. You can also tell that Archer is dieing of laughter on the inside.

Brynhilde
March 28th, 2011, 04:13 AM
Hilarious and original don't even begin to describe this fic.

Though, tbh, Shirou's prana is in no way able to maintain all 6 of them...

Grant
March 28th, 2011, 04:17 AM
It gets handwaved early on by stating that their abilities have been downgraded, although I suspect that even Rin wouldn't be able to maintain six low level Servants. Rule of Cool and all.

ringlhach
March 28th, 2011, 07:13 AM
I'm starting to wonder what happened to True Assassin, though, unless he's just hiding somewhere.

... I'm sorry, but now I've got this image of a chibi!Assassin(True) stalking the other Servants, since thinning the herd increasing the prana ratio is obviously the best way to serve their Master.

re:breaking Heaven's Feel: It's sad but true, and Rin is going to have the mother of all tsuns when she figures it out- especially if it means she can't summon a Servant herself.

Mike1984
March 28th, 2011, 11:56 AM
I mean in terms of combat ability, but you do have a point.

His combat ability is largely irrelevant as long as he can survive inside Sakura and use her as a tool/hostage, though....


Though, tbh, Shirou's prana is in no way able to maintain all 6 of them...

True.

He could always get some "help", though (I'm sure Sakura would be receptive to the idea, for one thing...).

Mereo Flere
March 28th, 2011, 02:49 PM
It took almost half an hour, but Sakura finally relented when Shirou had called out the rest of his father’s associates and only one of them was a woman. An exceptionally beautiful woman, like the other two had been – but Sakura was sure that even if the three men were all handsome enough to make her blush (Just a little! Her senpai was still the best, after all.) Shirou wasn’t the type to swing that way…even if she did spend a moment or two imagining what it would be like if he had. For some reason, the thought of her senpai and the tannest man seemed particularly appealing, though she couldn’t point out why other than the fact that the man felt like he would be extremely aggressive towards Shirou.

In bed.

So yes, she had convinced herself that 1. Shirou’s associates simply had a terrible sense of humor, 2. Shirou hadn’t suddenly summoned a harem over night, 3. Shirou hadn’t decided to include her when he was building one, and finally 4. She wasn’t at all disappointed by 3 at all.

“I’ll explain the details later,” her senpai said, after introducing all of his strangely named friends. “For now, it should be enough to know that they’ll be staying over for a while.”

Sakura pursed her lips, shooting some glances at the women. In her gut she couldn’t help but feel dangerous vibes coming from them, and yet…

“I don’t like it,” Sakura said, looking to Shirou. “But…at least you won’t be doing anything funny, and there are other men staying with you too.” Even if Sakura wasn’t sure if they would be a good influence on Shirou just yet. Lancer seemed like he would be a natural playboy, while Assassin, despite being substantially more subdued, still had an aura of a host from one of the Shibuya clubs.

As for Archer…

“Don’t worry,” Archer said, as though he had read her mind. When he flashed a smile at her she felt her heart flutter – and for a moment she almost mistook him as her senpai. “I’ll make sure he behaves.”

Shirou laughed weakly. “Well, as you see, there’s nothing suspicious going on here.”

“You know, senpai,” Sakura said with a sigh. “That’s the last thing you should say when you’ve finally convinced someone there’s nothing strange going on.”

XXX

Shirou had worried a little when he had called out the other servants to help explain things to Sakura. While none of them had been dressed quite as inappropriately as Rider was, it was still sure to make Sakura give them strange looks if they had showed up as they first appeared. Fortunately, like Saber, they had all come out wearing business attire – though he wasn’t completely sure where they had found those clothes. Most of them appeared similar to things his father, Kiritsugu, owned, though they wouldn’t have originally been in the servant’s sizes.

If he had to hazard a guess, Caster had probably used her magic to alter the clothing for them to wear. Shirou had to admit that her magic was pretty convenient – far more convenient than his own petty skills.

The only exception was Archer, who was dressed more or less how he came. The difference was that he had replaced his coat with Shirou’s apron. Despite the fact it seemed to look natural on him, it annoyed Shirou to no end to see the man dressed like that.

Archer was a complete mystery – but at least Shirou’s theory of him being a psychic was gaining more support. It seemed like even Sakura was not immune to Archer’s apparent ability to read minds. Of course, if Archer was psychic he was probably reading the thoughts of Shirou all the time – and was no doubt enjoying himself as he watched Shirou handle the stresses of suddenly being the master of six servants.

Archer, you’re a bastard! Shirou thought as loudly in his head as possible, but Archer didn’t react. Of course, there was a good chance he wanted to think he couldn’t read minds.

Just in case, Shirou would still remain on guard.

“Anyway, I should get started on breakfast,” he said, turning to Archer and holding out a hand. Shirou wanted his apron back, unable to stand watching it be held hostage in the clutches of the other man any longer. “If you would mind…”

“No, I didn’t mind at all,” Archer said, amazingly giving up the apron to Shirou without any resistance. “Here you go, Shirou.”

It was easy. Too easy, in fact. Still, Shirou accepted the apron, deciding not to worry about the servant’s sudden congeniality. Shirou should have been, though, and as soon as he stepped into the kitchen he understood just what horrible thing Archer had done.

Archer, you’re a bastard!

…no reaction. Archer was good.

Shirou spent a few moments staring at his kitchen, where a practical breakfast feast (there was no way he could call it a simple meal, though with the amount of mouths to feed a feast was probably necessary anyway) was laid out, ready to serve trays. For some strange reason there were also no dishes in the sink, and no sign that any of his cooking instruments had even been used. Shirou pledged immediately that whatever secret technique Archer had used to do all of this he would figure it out and master it himself. For now, however, he resigned himself to bringing out the food – like he was just an ordinary waiter who simply carried out the master chef’s dishes.

It took a couple of trips, even with the help of Assassin coming in to help him – but soon enough they were all seated at a rather crowded table, food set out before them and all the bowls, plates and utensils ready for the group.

“I didn’t think it was possible, but you’ve improved Shirou! This is the best meal you’ve ever cooked!” Taiga said, already digging in.

“Actually, it wasn’t me this time but,” Shirou began, ignoring his damaged pride, before he stopped and blinked. The other people at the table did too – how the woman had snuck a place into the table without anybody noticing until that moment was a mystery.

“But what, Shirou?” Taiga asked, pausing in between forkfuls of an omelet. Apparently, the fact that there was anybody else there at all was a mystery to her as well – at least for a few precious seconds. Then, all of a sudden she realized that everybody was staring at her and immediately stood up, almost bumping the table in the process. “Shirou, who are all these people?!”

“Guys,” Shirou said, gesturing towards Taiga. “Meet my teacher. Taiga, meet my father’s associates.”

Lancer grinned. “You didn’t tell me your teacher was a woman,” Lancer said as he patted Shirou on the back. “And you told me you weren’t bringing over a harem!”

At this, Sakura blushed a little as she smiled about at least being included in it. However, just as she was about to correct Lancer, Assassin did it for her.

“No, you see, for it to be a harem it would have to be at least three girls.”

Unfortunately, Assassin corrected Lancer on the wrong issue.

“Ah,” Lancer said, understanding correctly. “Of course. What’s the saying for this situation then?”

“‘A flower on each arm’ I believe.”

Taiga didn’t seem to be paying attention to the conversation. Instead, she looked around, before focusing on Shirou. “Hey-hey Shirou! Tell me, what’s going on? Why are all of these people here?!”

Shirou sighed. It was going to be a long day today.

XXX

Tohsaka Rin was not having a good morning. She had found out earlier that she had missed her chance to take part in the Holy Grail War. While it wasn’t as though she cared about fighting or even the chance to have her wish granted by the Holy Grail, it was shameful to think that she wouldn’t be directly involved in it at all. As the person who was in charge of this territory, as well as a member of one the three families that had set up Heaven’s Feel, it was her duty to be one of the participants as a master.

And she had missed it! She missed the call! Worse yet, if she had just been a little more careless and had done the summoning ritual a little earlier she would have no trouble calling a servant of her own. Who knows – she may have even summoned Saber himself!

Ultimately, though, she couldn’t put the blame on herself not being clumsy enough. If she hadn’t procrastinated in summoning a servant then she wouldn’t have even been put in this situation at all. Kotomine had reminded her to summon a servant as soon as possible, and she had ignored him. No doubt he would lord it over her like all of the other times she had disregarded advice that had been right.

She respected the man’s ability, but it was always difficult to deal with his…personality. It would probably be even more difficult now.

To be honest, she just wanted to stay in bed all day and rest. Unfortunately, that would ruin her image as a model student and, even more importantly, she couldn’t allow herself to slide on her self-discipline just because one thing had gone wrong in her life. People who did that eventually never left their bed at all. So, with a tired groan and a small curse at the clock, she got out of bed and got ready for school.

When she arrived at the gates she realized another thing that was wrong. There was nobody else there aside from some early birds already heading for their morning clubs. With a small frown she looked at her watch and realized, yes, she had forgotten to change the clocks in her house for the second day in a row. “How could this day get any worse?” she muttered.

“Ohoho,” a voice behind her came, answering Rin’s question almost immediately if not intentionally. “To think that the famous Tohsaka Rin would be up so early in the morning! Don’t tell me that you forgot to change your clocks for the second day in a row?”

Rin, deciding against ignoring the voice behind her, chose to turn around and face the girl with a smile. It was, just as she thought, none other than the heir to the Edelfelt family, Luvia. A buxom girl with blond drills, she had transferred to the school a few weeks earlier with a not so subtle challenge that she would be facing Rin in the Holy Grail War.

“Don’t pretend you didn’t do it too,” Rin said frankly, knowing that, as much as she hated to admit it, Luvia was similar to her in many ways – in talent, in spells and in their clumsiness. “I know full well that you only like to arrive when there are enough people to admire your entrance.”

Luvia, after all, liked to compete with Rin on many things – including popularity.

“Well, okay, I admit I did make a tiny error,” Luvia said sheepishly. “However, that’s not what I wanted to talk to you about today!”

The corner of Rin’s mouth twitched a little. To be honest, she should have seen this coming. Luvia was undoubtedly about to brag about summoning a servant of her own. “So, what is it?” Rin said, deciding to get it over with.
“Oh, I just wanted to know if you had managed summon a servant yet, that’s all,” Luvia said with a smirk.
“No,” Rin replied dryly. “I have not.”

“Well, I’m not surprised. To be honest, I’d be amazed if you had even tracked down a catalyst yet – though an attempt would be futile anyway.”

“Yes. It would be very futile indeed.” Luvia didn’t have to rub it in, though Rin supposed if she was in her situation she would be gloating to.

“Oh, so you understand?” Luvia said, surprised. “Well, it’s understandable. After all, my family has provided me the most excellent artifact with which to call forth a servant tonight! Undoubtedly he will be invincible, so it would be pointless for you to try to defeat me in battle.”

Rin’s expression suddenly froze in shock, scaring even Luvia for a moment. Then, as she realized that Luvia too hadn’t summoned a servant after all, her lips formed an impish grin. “Tonight you say? So you’re going to summon a servant tonight, huh?”

“Yes, that’s right. Is there something wrong with that?”

“Oh, so I guess you haven’t heard then…”

Luvia blinked, though the way Rin was acting was beginning to frighten her. “Haven’t heard what?”

“All seven servants have already been summoned.”

Luvia blinked again, her eyes widening in shock. “But that’s impossible, there had only been one called until yesterday!”

“Yes. That is, until last night,” Rin explained, enjoying Luvia’s misery maybe a little too much. She was starting to see why Kotomine acted that way…

…she should probably avoid making it a habit, in order to avoid becoming like the twisted priest.

“Last night?”

“Yes. The last six servants were summoned all at the same time last night.”

Rin watched with constrained glee as the truth dawned on Luvia’s face. Then she stepped back and plugged her ears – because as much as she hated to admit it she and Luvia were similar in many ways…including the way they handled news.

“FFFFFF-”

lethum
March 28th, 2011, 03:11 PM
^^! I like-

eddyak
March 28th, 2011, 03:16 PM
Priceless.

Words fail me.

ringlhach
March 28th, 2011, 03:34 PM
Delicious, even if she is being a little calm right now. The phone call... visit... whichever would've been nice to see, too; I can't imagine Kotomine missing this massive a moment to fuck with her. I hope we get to see the RAEG later.


“You didn’t tell me your teacher was a woman,” Lancer said as he patted on the back.

Missing subject- patted who? Shirou, I'm guessing, but you still need to say it.

lantzblades
March 28th, 2011, 03:47 PM
oh my wow.

Erlkonig
March 28th, 2011, 04:37 PM
God, this is golden.

Grant
March 28th, 2011, 05:12 PM
Oh Taiga, there is nothing that you can't make better.

RanmaBushiko
March 28th, 2011, 05:14 PM
This... is definitely hilarious. Please, do write more.

Certis Baliano
March 28th, 2011, 05:36 PM
There will be so much tsunrage in Shirou's house once they find out who has all the servants.

EnigmaticFellow
March 28th, 2011, 06:09 PM
Words can't even describe how awesome this is right now. They just can't.

Theocrass
March 28th, 2011, 06:25 PM
I love Lancer.

Mereo Flere
March 28th, 2011, 07:23 PM
Missing subject- patted who? Shirou, I'm guessing, but you still need to say it.

Fixed. Thanks again for the help, ringlhach.

As for Kotomine, well...

>>

<<

Halcyonwolf
March 28th, 2011, 10:43 PM
Great to see another Mereo Flere work trying to bust my gut:)

Can't wait to see Rin and Luvia's reaction to Shiro.

Elf
March 28th, 2011, 11:33 PM
For some reason, the thought of her senpai and the tannest man seemed particularly appealing, though she couldn’t point out why other than the fact that the man felt like he would be extremely aggressive towards Shirou.

In bed.

Most. Awesome. Thing Ever.

biigoh
March 29th, 2011, 01:50 AM
Pure awesome win. Also, Archer would so make Shirou his uke, and Sakura would love it....

Zevrand
March 29th, 2011, 02:04 AM
As he ran sounds of crashing – of walls being torn open as if they were made of paper

I just read an analogy that sounded funny, as if it were comparing Kiritsugu's shoji architecture to itself.

Although I guess given Shirou's general mental speed.

willyvereb
March 29th, 2011, 05:44 AM
Pretty nice fic!
Things like this can make me want to return writing fanfictions.

Garlak
March 29th, 2011, 06:54 AM
There's the Atomic F Bomb! :D

Hermitfold
March 29th, 2011, 09:28 AM
You are a genius, Mereo Flare. A genius.

Helltanz98
March 29th, 2011, 10:33 PM
My ribs hurt, and I look forward for an update

Mereo Flere
March 29th, 2011, 11:51 PM
Emiya Shirou had the unfortunate task of convincing Taiga that there was nothing suspicious at all about his new associates. This, however, would prove to be difficult, considering his servants were nothing but suspicious. What else could you call a group of people who appeared out of nowhere, claiming to be your soldiers to use in some Holy Grail War? If it weren’t for the fact that Shirou had been saved by them just a few hours ago he probably wouldn’t be inclined to believe them either. Fortunately, he had already convinced Sakura for the most part, and that had given him a little bit more practice. He had even hoped that it would be simpler to convince Taiga that they were harmless; though it would be rude to consider Taiga as naïve, she had at least taken Shirou seriously most of the time in the past.

What he had failed to take into account was that she could be very, very stubborn at times.

“I don’t believe you!” Taiga yelled, dramatically pointing her finger at Shirou. “There’s something going on here that you’re not telling me!”

Shirou smiled weakly, chastising himself on the inside for ever thinking this would be easy. “I assure you, that’s exactly what they’re here for. They’re associates of my father, come to help me officially inherit the rest of his estate, and that’s all.”

“Then you’re naïve, Shirou!” she said, shooting glares at the servants. “How could you so easily trust some people who just show up at your door in the middle of the night and then invite them into your home?”

“Well,” Shirou said weakly, scratching his head as he tried to come up with an excuse. “They didn’t just show up last night…you see they called ahead of time to say that they were arriving today.”

Taiga narrowed her eyes. “Oh…and you didn’t bother to mention this to me before hand? Or Sakura? You wouldn’t normally forget to mention to us that you were having other guests over.”

“What can I say?” Shirou asked, hoping that he would find an answer himself in the next few seconds. “It just sort of slipped my mind. I’m sorry I didn’t think to tell you guys.”

Taiga relaxed a little, glad to see that her student at least understood he had made a mistake. “Oh Shirou, I worry what would happen to you if I wasn’t around to take care of you. But you know,” she added, shooting a glare at the servants once again. “For all you know, they’ve come to take advantage of you!”

“Don’t worry,” Lancer said, shooting her a confident smile. “I assure you that we only have the best of intentions. There’s no way we would let anything bad happen to the young master,” he continued, leaning closer to her.

Taiga blinked at the servant’s sudden advance, her face becoming a little flushed. However, she shook off Lancer’s attempt at charming her and instead pushed him away with one hand. “That doesn’t assure me at all!” Taiga said, poking the servant in the chest. “How can I be sure that your best intentions aren’t actually to sleep with him so that you can get his money?”

“H-hey, do I look like that sort of person?” Lancer asked, frowning.

“For the record,” Archer said, a frown also on his face. “I’m as straight as an arrow.”

“And I’m as straight as a lance!” Lancer added, crossing his arms.

“And I’m as straight as a katana,” Assassin joined in, with a small smile. At that point everybody paused and turned to Assassin. Lancer also chose that moment to scoot away from the guy.

“…should have known from the hairdo,” Lancer muttered, shaking his head.

“I was kidding,” Assassin said, raising a brow. “Everybody else was making references to a weapon, and I thought it would be funny if I said that. I wasn’t being serious,” he continued, when everyone else’s stares remained unrelenting as they tried to decide what to believe.

“Ah,” Rider said as she made her own verdict. “So it was a joke.”

Suddenly, Shirou found Taiga in front of him, her hands holding onto his shoulders tightly. It was a powerful grip, strengthened by years of physical training…and the fears of a woman who saw one of her friends in grave danger.

“W-what’s wrong?” Shirou asked, noting the tears beginning to well up in Taiga’s eyes.

“Shirou…”

“Yes?”

“Make me a promise.”

“What promise?”

“Make me a promise that you will never enter that world, no matter how handsome the men around you are.”

Shirou blinked. “Well, I don’t think you’ll have to worry about me becoming an astronaut,” he said, scratching his head. “But if it makes you feel better, I’ll do my best to stay on Earth.”

Taiga sniffed, and patted Shirou on the head. “You really are naïve after all, Shirou. Never change.”

“Come on guys!” Assassin yelled somewhere in the background, obscured by Taiga from Shirou’s view. “Stop looking at me that way already! I mean it!”

XXX

“You know,” Taiga said, finally sitting back down to continue her meal. Ultimately, all of her stubbornness still gave in to one thing: her hunger. “I still don’t trust you guys. How can we know you’re really who you say you are?”

“Just trust me on this,” Shirou said, trying to end the topic as quickly as possible.

“No, this is important,” Taiga said, unrelenting on that point. “At the very least, if they’re your father’s associates then they should at least know something about you and him, shouldn’t they?”

Shirou froze. What Taiga said made sense – but he knew that there was no way that they could possibly answer her questions. To begin with, they had only heard Shirou’s explanation for their presence her when Sakura heard it first; he hadn’t had time to fill them in with all the little things they would need to know for their backstory. Shirou himself didn’t even known about all of them yet; he had hoped he would have a little more time to plan this out.

“Just a second, isn’t it unreasonable to expect them to know every detail about my father?” Shirou asked, delaying.

“I don’t expect them to know his favorite color,” Taiga said, giving a pout. “But if they are who they say they are, then they can answer a few simple questions can’t they?”
“But-”

“Why are you so protective of them, senpai?” Sakura asked, tilting her head. “You only met them in person for the first time today, right? Or,” she added, averting her eyes downward. “Is there something you’re keeping from us?”

Shirou gulped. “No,” he lied, hating himself for doing so.

“Then you don’t mind?” Taiga asked.

“No, no, go ahead,” Shirou said. “Archer,” he said, focusing his eyes on the silver haired servant. “You knew my father best, didn’t you?”

“Of course I did, Shirou,” Archer replied, nodding. Though Shirou didn’t want to admit it, Archer was the best chance of getting past this particular hurdle. “You could even say that he was almost like a father to me.”

Shirou frowned at Archer, who simply smiled back at him. Did he really have to make things harder than they had to be? Still, if Archer was psychic like Shirou expected, this was the time to put that ability to good use for once!

“First of all, what was his name?”

“Emiya Kiritsugu,” Archer replied.

“Good, good,” Taiga said. “It would have looked really bad if you had gotten something that basic wrong.”

“Are they all going to be this easy?” Archer asked, smirking. Shirou sighed; did he really have to provoke her?

“Oh…you’re looking for a challenge then?” Taiga asked, all of her teeth showing in her smile. “In that case…”

Several questions flew by quickly from there. Kiritsugu’s three sizes, Kiritsugu’s birthday, where he had been born and when he had come to Fuyuki; these were only some of the questions Taiga grilled Archer on. Amazingly, Archer managed to answer them all without even pausing – impressing Shirou and making him glad Archer wasn’t using his psychic powers solely to annoy him for once.

Taiga was equally impressed as Shirou, though she grew frustrated with every question. When she thought about it, there wasn’t much she knew about Kiritsugu at all, and it looked like there was no way to trip Archer into making a mistake. “Tch,” she said, considering running back home and finding her old journal from the days where she had slightly been stalking the older man for some obscure facts that he had accidentally let slip around her. Of course, if she did that then Archer too would have time to prepare as well…and she couldn’t have that.

Nonetheless, the fact that Archer hadn’t been wrong at all so far was a good sign that they had known Kiritsugu after all. Better than she did, actually. Of course, she couldn’t throw out the possibility that these were all things that Shirou had told them.
If that was the case, however, she still had one trump card…

“Well then,” she said, stroking her chin. “Can you tell me who his wife was?”

“My father was married?” Shirou asked, blinking. That was the first he had ever heard of it.

“…yes,” Archer said, suddenly frowning. “It was before he met you. However, Taiga,” he said, crossing his arms. “I think you know as well as I do that he had his reasons for not telling anyone much about her.”

“Ah, right,” she said sheepishly. Still, if it was Shirou’s sake, she had to ask this question – to make sure they were who they said they were. “But, even if you can’t give a name, surely you can describe her a little.”

Archer focused his eyes only on Taiga for a few moments, which Shirou was sure he spent reading her mind. Though he had some complaints about Archer reading his mind, it turned his stomach a little to think that he was violating his friend’s privacy. But, since this was necessary he would let it slide this once.

“She was kind and gentle, while still remaining as vibrant as the sun,” Archer finally said, closing his eyes. “She was beautiful, with gorgeous long hair as white as the snow. She was the love of his life, but unfortunately she passed away shortly after they came to Fuyuki.”

Taiga remained silent, carefully taking in Archer’s words. She bowed her head, thinking back to the single time Kiritsugu had described his wife to her and smiled softly. Though the words were certainly different, it was definitely familiar. “Yes,” she admitted, letting out a defeated sigh. “That’s about right. You know, I would have liked to meet her myself.”

“You would’ve liked her,” Archer assured her.

“Yes,” she agreed. After she had gotten over her own jealousy, that is. However, any woman that had married a man like Kiritsugu could not have been anything less than lovely.

XXX

The mood had taken a more solemn turn after Archer had answered Taiga’s last question. To be honest, it unsettled Shirou a little, thinking about how Archer had described Kiritsugu’s wife. The servants may not have gotten a good look at her, when they were busy being knocked aside by Berserker, but he could still remember Ilyasviel – the memory of the girl when she woke him up embedded firmly in his memory. Only Archer and Caster, who had remained on the sidelines at the time, would’ve had a chance to glance at her before Berserker scooped her up in his arms – but he couldn’t talk about it while Taiga and Sakura were there.

Fortunately, Sakura realized she was late for her morning club meeting and Taiga had some paperwork to do at school and both of them left before him. And so, after hearing the front door close and making sure the two of them had left for school, he decided to seek his servants’ council.

“Say, Archer, Caster,” he said, returning to the table. “I’ve got something to ask the two of you. It’s about Ilyasviel.”

“What about her?” Caster asked, turning to Shirou. “Did you remember something important?”

“I’d like to be involved in this too,” Saber said, setting down on what must have been her tenth serving of the day. “If it concerns the attacker of our master, we should all be informed about it.”

“I think,” Shirou stared, still not sure if he was being paranoid or not. “I think it’s possible that the Ilyasviel von Einzbern may be my sister.”

Theocrass
March 29th, 2011, 11:56 PM
Genius! Pure genius!

lethum
March 29th, 2011, 11:56 PM
Yay, now Shirou will buy Illya a pony! Made of swords! And magic!

Seriously, I liked it.

Elf
March 30th, 2011, 12:22 AM
Now how is Archer going answer this one I wonder.

Mereo Flere
March 30th, 2011, 12:23 AM
There's the Atomic F Bomb! :D

Yeah. I think I was actually stuck on how to end that scene until I reread your post, and decided that it would work wonderfully. :D


I just read an analogy that sounded funny, as if it were comparing Kiritsugu's shoji architecture to itself.

Although I guess given Shirou's general mental speed.

Ha, it does sound sort of funny, doesn't it? Oh, that Shirou!

<<

>>


Pretty nice fic!
Things like this can make me want to return writing fanfictions.

Glad to hear that. When I read a good fic myself it always made me want to start writing again, so I'm glad I could inspire the same feeling in you too.

ringlhach
March 30th, 2011, 01:20 AM
You know, given that Taiga's from a yak family, shouldn't she be at least a little understanding about "family business-" at least until she talks to her grandfather about it? Suspicious is one thing, but sometimes, poking your nose where it doesn't belong can get you in a world of hurt.

On the other hand, this is Taiga I'm talking about...

Helltanz98
March 30th, 2011, 02:01 AM
Yeah I was expecting something of understanding along those lines

Erlkonig
March 30th, 2011, 06:06 AM
Shirou blinked. “Well, I don’t think you’ll have to worry about me becoming an astronaut,” he said, scratching his head. “But if it makes you feel better, I’ll do my best to stay on Earth.”



AHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA

willyvereb
March 30th, 2011, 06:28 AM
“And I’m as straight as a katana,” Assassin joined in, with a small smile. At that point everybody paused and turned to Assassin. Lancer also chose that moment to scoot away from the guy.

“…should have known from the hairdo,” Lancer muttered, shaking his head.
Hm, it would be strange a little hilarious development if we find out Assassin wasn't joking.
You know him being obsessed with fighting and focusing on the enjoyment of life. Who knows to how many directions he swung?

Then again Sasaki is supposed to represent the true samurai so...

al103
March 30th, 2011, 07:55 AM
Then again Sasaki is supposed to represent the true samurai so...
...he is clearly bi. Straight as his katana - as in mostly straight.

Grant
March 30th, 2011, 09:49 AM
Wait a minute. Did Shirou just put two and two together? And get four?

ringlhach
March 30th, 2011, 10:43 AM
Not possible. Everyone knows two plus two is sword, after all...

(goes back and reviews) HOLD ON STOP EVERYTHING!

This... this means... Ilya isn't his sister? She can't be, that's what he just guessed... or someone's started fucking with his mind early...

*ringlhach is very confused.

lethum
March 30th, 2011, 11:33 AM
I want Shirou to call Archer out on his mind mojo.

Certis Baliano
March 30th, 2011, 11:38 AM
Archer is an Archer because he can send out mind-manipulating brainwaves as projectiles. It all makes sense.

eddyak
March 30th, 2011, 12:20 PM
Why do I see Archer casually trying to kill Shirou now?

"HOLY SHIT THAT KNIFE JUST FLEW PAST MY HEAD"
"Whoops, my hand slipped." innocentsmile.jpg

Hoster
March 30th, 2011, 02:20 PM
I love the way Shirou is reacting to Archer and his shenanigans, rather than instantly figuring out that he is actually his future self after just a few suspicious moments like he does in some fics...

Flame
March 30th, 2011, 02:40 PM
^ Lantz's you mean?


edit:
*facepalm* forgot to comment on the fic.

Pretty much what everyone said.

lantzblades
March 30th, 2011, 04:23 PM
^ Lantz's you mean?


edit:
*facepalm* forgot to comment on the fic.

Pretty much what everyone said.

I agree with you on the fic. good stuff.

as for shirou in Shinji's route. well not every version of emiya is brick dumb enough to miss the similarities and connect the dots and not every route will be such a simple reveal.

Hermitfold
March 30th, 2011, 04:27 PM
This new chapter was hilarious. As expected from Mereo Flare

Hoster
March 30th, 2011, 05:03 PM
Lantz's you mean?

I am not going to say that Lantz is the only one that has made Shirou unusually perceptive of such things in several occations. I have seen it happen elsewhere...

Shirou isn't stupid, no, but he is certainly a dolt, and if I remember correctly he either ignored or denied most to every hint of Archer's true identity, until it was shoved up his face. Never the less, I find his reaction in this fic more believable than in some other works. While what Lantz says is true, that not every version of Emiya is a dolt (see Archer), if a character has the same backstory, and the fic is based around the same time as another version of said character, I think it's wierd if one of them is less oblivious than the other.

Getting more preceptive and less oblivious takes time, and certainly doesn't happen over a change of story title...

Mereo Flere
March 30th, 2011, 11:33 PM
“I think,” Shirou stared, still not sure if he was being paranoid or not. “I think it’s possible that the Ilyasviel von Einzbern may be my sister.”

“Your sister?” Rider asked, “But Master, the two of you don’t have the same name.”

“No, we don’t,” Shirou admitted. “And I admit, she doesn’t look anything at all like my father. However, after hearing Archer describe my father’s wife, I can’t help but think Ilyasviel sounds just like her. Well – maybe not the kind and gentle part,” he admitted, sighing as he thought back to how she had tried to kill him. “But there’s no way I could forget her long white hair. You saw it too; it’s not something most people would have.”

Caster didn’t say anything for a moment, bowing her head as she thought back to the attack. “To be honest,” she finally said, “I am afraid I had my attention focused more on her servant at the time to see clearly. However, I will defer to your judgment on this.”

Well, Shirou had to admit that Berserker had a way of making you pay attention to him. Master or not, few people would likely ignore Ilyasviel in favor of focusing on her servant. She may have been the one giving out the orders but there was no doubt about who carried the destructive power in that duo.

Still –

“What about you, Archer?” Shirou asked, hoping that at least one of his servants could remember Ilyasviel. Even if he didn’t see her then, however, he had been the one to recall Kiritsugu’s wife. “What do you think?”

Archer crossed his arms, furrowing his brow as he thought about what to say. “I admit, I did see her,” he said slowly. “And it’s true, she did have long white hair. It’s not something you would normally see in a child, even among magi. However, Shirou,” he asked, “How old do you think she is?”

Shirou blinked. “Eleven or twelve,” he guessed, since he hadn’t really thought about it before. “I’m not really good at telling ages.”

“Then she had to have been just a toddler when the Kiritsugu and his wife came to Fuyuki,” Rider said, seeming to understand where Archer was coming from. “But, if that’s the case, why didn’t he take her with him, if she was his daughter?”

“Who knows?” Assassin said, shrugging. “That was a long time ago, and none of us were there at the time. But you know – ‘von Einzbern’ sounds it would belong to a distinguished family. Maybe the relatives of your father’s wife didn’t allow him to keep her when she passed away.”

“But you guys think it’s likely that she really is my father’s daughter, right?” Shirou asked, though by now he was already convinced himself.

“It’s possible, yes,” Caster said. “It would at least explain why she knew you.”

“But if you were her brother,” Rider asked, as bowed her head. “Why would she try to kill you?”

“Who knows? Maybe she just hated the thought of being abandoned by her father,” Assassin said.

“Or maybe her family is just crazy, and they raised her to be crazy too,” Lancer said, finally finding something to add.

“However,” Saber said, crossing her arms. “The fact that she is your sister changes nothing.”

“Of course it does!” Shirou exclaimed. “It changes a lot! I might have a sister I never knew about, so how could this change nothing at all?”

Saber narrowed her gaze at her master. It seemed he really underestimated the peril he was in. “It doesn’t change the fact that she attacked you, nor does it change the fact that she is a master in the war. It doesn’t change the fact that she is, without a doubt, your enemy – and that is the most important fact at all.”

“Urk.” Saber had a point. Even Shirou couldn’t ignore the danger Ilya had posed – the danger she would continue to pose. But even so, “There still has to be a way this can be settled.”

“She will undoubtedly try to kill you again, Master,” she said sternly. “When the time comes, we will do whatever it takes to ensure you are protected. That is our duty as servants.”

XXX

In the end, Shirou couldn’t really argue with Saber. What could he say? “Don’t protect me from my killer sister!” As if; he wasn’t that stupid, or that suicidal. However, before he could convince her to lighten up a little he would probably need to come up with a better argument. He never liked the idea of fighting her, and he liked it even less when he thought that she might be his father’s biological daughter.
But, he could spend that time thinking about it while he was at school. There certainly wasn’t a lack of topics he had to consider.

“Ugh,” he said, staring at the mirror. He felt so tired, and not simply because he had only gotten a few hours of sleep last night; Caster had explained to him that summoning and supporting servants would put a drain on him as well. Still, he had a busy day ahead of him, even without the Holy Grail War to worry about.

Like a biology test he needed to study for. He still had to ask how Archer had even known about that; even if Archer was psychic, Shirou hadn’t remembered it himself. There had to be a limit to the man’s mind powers, right?

“A cold shower will wake me up,” he told himself as he yawned. He needed it anyway; after running around, getting scared senseless and finally having to clean up the mess that was left behind from the encounter with Ilya he was more than a little dirty; Issei would admonish him for coming to school in that sort of mess. Pulling the shirt of his pajamas off, he turned to start the water – and paused when something caught the corner of his eye. Turning back to the mirror, he stared at his own reflection for a moment, before rubbing his eyes.

“No,” he told himself. “I’m probably just seeing things. Or maybe it’s just a trick of the mirror. When I look down, there will be nothing there. No glowing red tattoos running down my arm all the way to my hand. They aren’t really there; they’re just a figment of my imagination.”

Taking a deep breath, he opened his eyes again, and stared at his left arm. Then, as if to emphasize that, no, he wasn’t imagining things after all, the symbols that had found their way onto his body they pulsed brighter – though only for a moment.

“There is no reason to be shocked, Master,” a voice behind him said. “Those are simply the command seals. Though, I must admit, I did not expect you to have so many.”

Shirou jumped slightly, though when he looked turned around it turned out only to be Rider standing there in the bathroom with him. She too, seemed to be looking at his arm – and it appeared that she knew what they were.

At least Shirou thought that’s what she was looking at.

“You know,” Shirou said, pulling his shirt back on quickly. It wasn’t as though he was ashamed of his body – but to have her facing him like this was a little embarrassing. “I’ve been meaning to ask, but can you see out of that thing?” he asked, peering at the blindfold covering her eyes.

“I am aware of the world around me, yes,” Rider said, nodding.

“So, it doesn’t get in the way at all?”

“It gets in the way,” Rider admitted. “But, it is necessary for it to do so.”

Shirou raised a brow. “Why? Wouldn’t it be easier for you to remove it?”

“It would be dangerous for those around me if I were to do so.”

“How would it be dangerous?”

“It…is a complicated story,” Rider admitted, looking away. “However, if Master desires it-”

“No, no,” Shirou said, holding up a hand. “It’s okay. If you have a good reason to keep wearing it, Rider, then that’s good enough for me.”

Rider bowed. “Thank you master.”

“Now,” Shirou said, scratching his cheek. “You mentioned that these things…”

“The command seals,” Rider said.

“Right.” Shirou nodded. “These command seals. What exactly are these for?”

“They are the symbol of your right to command us,” Rider explained, stepping forward. Reaching for Shirou’s arm, she pulled up his sleeve – once again revealing the command seals. Shirou did his best not to blush at the touch; he failed but even though he felt his cheeks get hotter Rider did not appear to notice. “As long as you have these, you can give an absolute order that we have to obey.”

“An absolute order, huh?” Shirou asked, with a frown. “I don’t really like the sound of that.”

“It is for the master’s protection,” Rider said. “Without it a servant could ignore her master’s orders, or even attack him without any way for him to defend himself. Of course,” she added, tapping each tattoo on his arm, counting 18 in total. “If you should use them up you really would have no control over your servants at all.”

“Still,” Shirou said, looking at his arm. “That makes you out to be a slave, doesn’t it?”

“I am your servant, Master.”

“There’s still a difference,” Shirou said.

“In that case, Master, the difference would ultimately be left up to you. Regardless,” Rider said, taking a step back and kneeling. “You are my master.”

“I see…still, could you stop calling me Master?” Shirou said, a little uncomfortable being called by that title so often.

“But Master is my master.”

“Yes, I know,” he said, laughing weakly. “But, it would make me more comfortable if you just called me by my name.”

“I see,” Rider said. “If that is your wish, Master Shirou.”

“You can drop the master,” Shirou deadpanned.

“Then,” she said, pausing for a moment. “I shall address you as Shirou.”

Shirou smiled back at her. “Thank you, Rider.”

Rider stood back up, and for a moment Shirou thought he could see a small smile on her face. “Now then, Shirou, shall I begin cleaning you?”

Shirou blinked. “Come again?”

“Shall I begin cleaning you?” Rider repeated, this time a little louder – making sure that he could hear her clearly.

“W-why would you do that, Rider?”

Rider tilted her head. “Is that not why you came to this area?” she asked curiously.

“Well, yes,” Shirou admitted. “But I don’t see-”

“And, is it not customary for a servant to help maintain her Master’s grooming?”

“I don’t know about that-”

“Or, perhaps Shirou would be more comfortable with another one of his servants than myself,” Rider noted, sounding a little sad. “Perhaps Assassin,” she added, a little more…cheerfully? Shirou couldn’t really be sure himself.

Shirou blinked, wondering what was going through her mind. “No, it’s alright, you don’t need to do that,” he assured her. “I can manage to shower by myself just fine.”

“I see…are you sure?”

“Yes. Absolutely.”

“Very well,” Rider said, bowing once more. However, she didn’t move from her spot at all.

“Rider…”

“Yes?”

“Why are you still here?”

“To serve you, Shirou,” she answered promptly.

Shirou face palmed. “You…you’re doing this just to tease me, aren’t you?” he asked, peering through his fingers.

Rider shook her head. “No,” she said, pulling his hand from his face.

“Well, that’s good,” he said, sighing.

“If I were going to tease you, it would be something more like this,” she said – and then she took the hand she was still holding and placed it firmly on her breast.

“Hold on!” Shirou said, pulling away immediately – much to Rider’s disappointment, though part of her couldn’t help but smile at his innocence. His face was a bright red, almost but not quite the same shade of his hair. “What do you think you’re doing?!”

“Ah…that,” Rider explained, using the same tone she had taken with Sakura. “That was a joke, Shirou.”

Shirou decided that he desperately needed a cold shower after all. Very cold.

Artic, even.

Satehi
March 30th, 2011, 11:39 PM
How did I not comment on this earlier?

This is absolute gold, right here.

lethum
March 30th, 2011, 11:40 PM
Update! And it's good! I like it.

Theocrass
March 30th, 2011, 11:41 PM
Hahahaha! I like Rider's boldness, she's already trying to be the first in bed with her master. Caster is taking this situation better than I would have thought, though the BAR does have a strong effect on ... well anything I suppose.

mangafreak7793
March 30th, 2011, 11:42 PM
^ Hahah, I foresee he'll have many cold showers to come.

Elf
March 30th, 2011, 11:46 PM
LOL.

Still funny, but this update didn't have the momentum of the others.

SeiKeo
March 30th, 2011, 11:47 PM
This is going to end with all the Servants trolling Shirou into oblivion.

RanmaBushiko
March 30th, 2011, 11:48 PM
It is rather hilarious, though.

Erlkonig
March 30th, 2011, 11:50 PM
Subzero showers. He's going to have to bathe in ice cubes.

ttestagr
March 31st, 2011, 12:10 AM
Would have been better if she had done it right as someone else is coming in. That would be proper teasing.

Hoster
March 31st, 2011, 01:07 AM
I don't think Shirou appriciates Rider's sense of humor...

Grant
March 31st, 2011, 10:20 AM
Consider F/HA it's not so sure whether she was joking or not. Especially when you consider needs for transferring energy.

Mereo Flere
April 1st, 2011, 02:37 AM
Well, it's pretty late, but it does seem like I made my daily 2000~ word quota before midnight. I almost did post this in the Recommended FanFic thread on accident, however. e_e;

XXX

Emiya Shirou did not usually arrive late to school. Today, however, that had been inevitable thanks in part to the fact that he may have spent a little too much time after the shower. No matter how cold the water had been, it didn’t seem to be able to cool his head; if it weren’t for Lancer knocking on the door, teasing him about what Shirou had done with Rider while they were alone in there, Shirou might not have ever gotten out at all.

Of course, it didn’t help when Saber blocked his way, just as he was about to go to school. She asked if she could come with him. Naturally, he told her that she couldn’t; she wasn’t a student, so there was no way he could bring her along. She then asked if he had to go to school at all. Naturally, he pointed out the fact that they had barely convinced Taiga to give them her permission to stay with him – something that she would easily and instantly revoke the moment if he didn’t show up for class. Saber pointed out that if he was attacked when none of his servants were around he’d easily be slaughtered by Berserker – just like he had almost been right before he summoned all of them to his side. To counter that he pointed out that not even Ilyasviel would be reckless enough to attack him in broad daylight, in a school full of normal people. It would break the rules of magi and the Holy Grail War.

Saber was skeptical of that, of course. Then again, she was skeptical about a lot of things. In the end, however, she stepped aside – though she assured him that she wasn’t going to leave things this way forever.

All in all, it made Shirou very tired. When lunchtime came, he couldn’t even move from his chair, instead just laying face down on the desk.

This, too, was not like Emiya Shirou at all – and naturally, it did not go unnoticed.
He heard footsteps approach him, and Shirou didn’t even have to look up to guess who it was. There were only two people in his class that usually talked to him, and this one didn’t carry the sound of the female uniform’s flowing skirt.

Not that people haven’t tried to convince the Issei to wear a dress in the past; the student council president’s bishounen looks were famous in the school, and in the previous years the student body always tried to find an excuse to get him to wear a maid outfit, especially during the culture festivals. Issei, of course, had refused every single time; some said however that was simply because the right person hadn’t asked him. Issei had always listened to Shirou, and showed more concern about Shirou than any of his other acquaintances.

As the student council president and, more importantly, Shirou’s friend, there was no way Issei could have ignored Shirou’s strange behavior.

“Are you okay, Shirou?” Issei asked, just as Shirou had expected.

Holding back a groan, he forced himself up in his seat and smiled Issei. As much as he wanted to just pretend – no, actually go to sleep, he couldn’t brush off his friend; besides, he really did appreciate the concern.

“Yes,” Shirou said, and then immediately gritted his teeth to cage a yawn. “I’m perfectly fine.”

Issei, however, didn’t look convinced at all and instead stared down at Shirou with an interrogating gaze. “Is that really so?”

“Well, okay, not perfectly fine,” Shirou admitted. “A lot of things happened this morning, and I really didn’t get as much sleep as I expected to last night.”

“What were you doing?” Issei asked, sitting down in the desk beside Shirou’s.

“A group of my father’s associates came over this morning,” Shirou explained, for what felt like the millionth time today. “And, well I forgot to tell Taiga before hand, so I had to spend quite a bit of time convincing her that they weren’t out there to con me. Or turn me into an astronaut.”

“Turn you into an astronaut?” Issei asked, raising a brow.

Shirou shrugged. “I didn’t get it either.”

“Well,” Issei said, adjusting the position of his glasses. “To be honest, I’m surprised you forgot to tell her about visitors. You’re usually better about that sort of thing.”

“She told me the same thing,” Shirou said weakly.

“Well, you know she’s only concerned about your well being. I would be too if I had been her in that situation."

“And you’re not?” Shirou was surprised; normally, Issei would be the first to admonish him about strange people. Of course, Issei hadn’t actually met them…

…yes, he would certainly have a complaint or two about Rider. Lancer too, probably. He had a feeling that Issei would get along with Saber and Assassin, however.

“Well, you managed to convince Taiga,” Issei said. “Despite what others may think of her, she is still a teacher. And, more importantly, she’s been watching over you longer than anyone else I know, though I know sometimes it must seem like it’s the other way around,” he added, recalling how she went over to his place for meals. “Still, if she accepted them then I don’t see any reason for me not to as well, and I wouldn’t want to add to your stress today.”

“Thanks Issei,” Shirou said. “You don’t know how much that means to me right now.”

“Of course,” Issei said, looking over Shirou once more. The closer he looked at the bags underneath Shirou’s eyes, the way he slouched and the slightly paler than usual complexion Shirou had the more obvious it became that his friend was exhausted. “Are you sure that you are going to make it throughout the entire day? Maybe it would be better for you to go to the nurses office.”

“No, no, it’s okay,” Shirou assured him. “I’ll be okay. As soon as I eat lunch I’ll be sure to have the energy to get through the classes. Though,” he added, thinking back to the student council room, where they usually ate during lunch. At that moment, it seemed to be a long, long way away. “If you don’t mind, could we eat here today?”

“Of course,” Issei said. Normally, he preferred the peace and quiet, but it wouldn’t hurt to break that habit for today. “I’ll just grab my bento,” he said, getting up.

“Okay,” Shirou said, as he reached for his own.

Then, after a moment of futile searching, he froze.

“Is there something wrong, Shirou?” Issei asked as soon as he returned.

“Ah – it’s nothing important. I just forgot to bring my lunch today.”
Issei raised a brow. “You really are slipping today.”

“Yes, I really am,” Shirou admitted with a sigh. This time, however, it wasn’t entirely his fault. Normally when he made breakfast he would also prepare his lunch to take to school as well; today, however, Archer had made breakfast, leaving Shirou no opportunity to prepare his midday meal.

Of course, maybe he was being too biased against the servant, but it wouldn’t surprise Shirou if the servant had planned this all along.

XXX

So, Luvia hadn’t had the greatest morning in her life today. So what if she had come to school earlier than she planned; it at least had given her a chance to talk to Rin. It saved her the trouble of trying to summon a servant later tonight, even though it did mean that she had missed her opportunity to take part in the Holy Grail War. Of course, she would confirm with the mediator of this Heaven’s Feel – a local priest named Kotomine Kirei or something – but she didn’t mind not having to fight in the brutish war.

She may have had lost her chance for honor and perhaps the chance at a miracle being granted for her (though, as far as her investigations had revealed, it didn’t seem like it had ever been successful at all), but she didn’t have to risk her life in a battle. Being a magus may have meant putting your life on the line, but that didn’t mean you had to become entirely suicidal. The last war had apparently been particularly bloody; the masters and servants involved had been known to be completely ruthless.

To be honest, she wasn’t sure she could be like that. For now, she was glad she wouldn't have to find out.

Besides, something had gone right today. Today, Emiya Shirou had forgotten his lunch – and it just so happened she had a spare one prepared for him. How many days had she waiting for an event like this, to see Shirou finally slip up for once? How many lunch boxes had been wasted, until finally she could appear to his rescue in his time of need?

There was still one opponent left, however – one dragon that stood in Luvia’s way: Issei. Every day Issei always took Shirou to the Student Council Room, monopolizing Shirou every day at noon. Today, however, they remained in the room – she just had to wait for her chance to strike.

“Well, I’ll be happy to share my bento with you,” she heard Issei say.

Luvia smiled. This was it; there would never be a more perfect chance than this. Unfortunately, before Luvia could step in between them, to proudly deliver the second lunchbox that she had “accidentally” taken with her this morning to Shirou, someone else beat her to the punch.

XXX

Shirou was about to assure Issei that he didn’t need to share his lunch with him when he saw a purple blur enter the room. It slipped passed the students while Shirou was still trying to register what it was – before finally coming to a stop between Shirou and Issei.

“Shirou,” the familiar figure said, holding out what looked to be a handkerchief wrapped bento. “He said that you had forgotten this.”

Shirou didn’t need to ask who “he” was. In fact, he had a sneaking suspicion that “he” had planned this from the start, that damn psychic bastard.

On the bright side, Rider had changed from her stripperific outfit, even if she had kept the blindfold on. Like the other servants, she was now wearing a suit though only the lower buttons of her jacket had been buttoned…with good reason. If Shirou had to guess, it would be physically impossible to button it up all the way.

“Rider,” he said blandly as he looked at the object in her hands, trying his best to ignore the fact that his classmates were all beginning to turn towards the two of them. “What is this?”

“A handkerchief,” Rider said. “I wanted to carry it in my cleavage, since it would be easier to run that way, but he said it would be better if I wrapped it this instead.”

“And you listened to him?” Shirou said, sure that Rider had been there as well when he had explained that he needed to school alone.

“I tried not to,” Rider said. “But it turns out it kept slipping out. He was right, it was better to wrap it after all.”

Shirou turned away from her and let his head hit the desk. She was teasing him on purpose, wasn’t she? Not that he would ask that out loud, remembering what she had done the last time he had done so.

“Shirou!” Luvia said, stomping out from the other side of the room. Glaring at the woman, she pointed her finger dramatically at the servant – for some reason carrying two stacked lunchboxes in her other hand. “Just who is this woman, and why is she so familiar with you?”

“I assume this is one of your father’s associates?” Issei asked. He too had been shocked when Rider appeared before him and had nearly jumped out of his seat. Instead, he had managed to maintain his composure enough to just stand up really, really fast.

“Oh,” Rider said, turning around. She smiled at the classroom and did a quick bow. “Hello,” she continued after a moment, after she had considered what words to use. She had learned her lesson from this morning not to speak carelessly, after all. “I am not Shirou’s mistress.”

“Oh, so you’re not his mistress, you say?” Luvia asked, her eye twitching a little. “That was rather…specific of you.”

Clearly, Rider surmised, that was clearly the wrong way to introduce herself. When she heard Shirou behind her groan a little she had instantly deduced that she may have made the situation worse.

“Ah,” she said, scrambling in her head to find the best way to fix this. “That was a joke.”

RanmaBushiko
April 1st, 2011, 02:55 AM
Nice chapter, enjoyable to read.

lantzblades
April 1st, 2011, 03:57 AM
LOL nice one dude

Ergast
April 1st, 2011, 05:22 AM
Honestly, Rider has lost me right there. She means that she is joking about the whole mistress thing, or about not being her mistress? Anyway, now I'm waiting for the other Jewel magus to find Shirou's father associates. The combined F-atomic bomb of both magus would destroy the grail from London, and they are in fuyuki, so...

Grant
April 1st, 2011, 07:18 AM
Pity Caster isn't there.

ringlhach
April 1st, 2011, 07:23 AM
I have it in my head now that "That was a joke" = "I shouldn't have told you that." ^_^ Poor Shirou, he's going to be mobbed by his classmates as soon as she leaves... I do wonder if Luvia even noticed what she was, though.

Also, I'm not sure there's anything that Rider can wear and not make it stripperiffic.

Certis Baliano
April 1st, 2011, 11:34 AM
It's better in the original text format, but eh.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=94xX_lyM9lg

Neir
April 1st, 2011, 01:50 PM
I keep enjoying this way more than I expect to. Impressive.

Mereo Flere
April 1st, 2011, 02:18 PM
It's better in the original text format, but eh.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=94xX_lyM9lg

I just wanted to let you know that you've made my day today, CB.

Helltanz98
April 1st, 2011, 07:24 PM
i' have got to ask why is it Shirou looks like Kuwabara in that pic or perhaps thats just me

ttestagr
April 1st, 2011, 08:03 PM
i' have got to ask why is it Shirou looks like Kuwabara in that pic or perhaps thats just me

....



....



PLOT BUNNY!

Elf
April 1st, 2011, 10:34 PM
God this continues to be awesome.

And Archer needs to test his Trolling Skill EX against Kotomine's.

RacingeR
April 1st, 2011, 10:38 PM
This fic is hilarous. That's all there is to say on the matter.

Mereo Flere
April 2nd, 2011, 12:09 AM
“Oh, so you’re not his mistress, you say?” Luvia asked, her eye twitching a little. “That was rather…specific of you.” Clearly, Rider surmised, that was the wrong way to introduce herself. When she heard Shirou behind her groan a little she had instantly deduced that she may have in fact made the situation worse.

“Ah,” she said, scrambling in her head to find the best way to fix this. “That was a joke.”

“A joke you say?” Luvia asked, her eye twitching even more than before. “So, what you’re saying is that you really are Shirou’s mistress after all?”

Rider paused. Finally, she nodded her head. “Yes, that is exactly what I’m saying.”

“No, that is not at all what she’s saying!” Shirou yelled, finally finding the strength to stand. He knew that he might sound like he was denying it a little too loudly, but if he didn’t go all out he wouldn’t be able to do it at all. “She’s just an associate of my father’s,” he said quickly, “And she just happens to have a strange sense of humor, that’s all!

“Now, if you’ll excuse me,” he said, grabbing Rider’s free hand. “I think I need to have a word with her alone.”

Then, just like that, he started to march out of the classroom – servant in tow. Everybody else, not sure how to react, just stood there silently and watched him leave.

…at least, for a few moments anyway.

Behind him, Shirou heard his classroom erupt into a loud discussion – but he did his best to ignore it. If he didn’t move fast someone might get the brilliant idea to follow them.

“Where are you taking me, Shirou?” Rider asked, though she easily kept pace with her master.

“The roof,” he said quickly. With any luck, there wouldn’t be anyone there.

XXX

Rin knew that Luvia would be in a foul mood today; after all, she was the primary reason Luvia’s morning had been ruined. Of course, Luvia would have found out about it eventually, but then Rin wouldn’t have been able to see the usually refined and dignified heir of the Edelfelt family let the mask fall away for once and swear out loud.

She had quickly regained her composure, though, so when Luvia stomped over to her classroom like she usually did at noon Rin was surprised to see how much it had affected the other girl after all. A little part of Rin felt a little guilty for enjoying making Luvia miserable earlier; to think, Luvia was taking it this hard.

“It’s okay,” Rin said, all the while thinking about how odd it was for her to try to console Luvia. “It’s not a big deal if you missed your chance. You shouldn’t stress over it so much, really.”

“It’s not a big deal?” Luvia asked, as she slammed down the lunch boxes she carried in front of Rin. If it were any other day, Rin would have usually asked why she bothered to bring two, while Luvia would just tell her that she didn’t want it to go to waste. Today, however, didn’t seem like it would be a good idea to bring it up. “Of course it’s a big deal! I don’t think you understand just why something like this is important,” she said indignantly, sitting down in the seat in front of Rin.

“Don’t understand?” Rin asked, frowning a little. That was a little presumptuous of her. After all, Luvia might have come here to represent her family in the war, but the Edelfelts weren’t one of the original families to instate it after all. She also didn’t have to worry about keeping an eye out on Fuyuki, since it was under Rin’s jurisdiction as the head of the Tohsaka family. “Look – I know it must be tough on you,” she said slowly, doing her best to keep her temper run away with her mouth. “But, I’ll let you know that I’m in the same situation as you. In fact,” she added, crossing her arms. “I’m more troubled about this predicament than anyone else.”

Luvia’s eyes widened as she examined Rin’s features. Then her expression softened a little when she realized that Rin was being completely honest. “I see,” Luvia said, looking away. “You’re right – I should have known that you of all people would have been caught up in all this as well.”

“Of course!” Rin said proudly. “Then again,” she added sheepishly. “I suppose, technically, the both of us have already missed our chance.”

Luvia’s eye twitched. “That’s too pathetic, Rin!” she said, slamming her hand on the desk, “Far too pathetic! How can you possibly call yourself my rival if you give up so easily?”

Technically, Rin hadn’t ever called Luvia her rival out loud, but… “You know,” she said, lowering her voice – glancing at the people looking over at them thanks to Luvia’s outburst. Their conversation was already pushing the boundaries of what was acceptable to say next to normal people. “There’s not much that you can do if they’re already taken. It’s pointless at this point.”

“Hmph,” Luvia said, narrowing her eyes at Rin. “Well, I didn’t think that you of all people would have disappointed me, Rin.”

Rin shrugged, knowing she couldn’t argue with the girl. “It’s just the truth, Luvia. Sometimes you just have to accept defeat.”

“Well I’m not giving up,” Luvia said, as she opened her own lunch box – pushing the other one to Rin. “I’m not about to surrender to that ‘Rider’ woman just yet,” she added, biting into a sandwich.

“Yes, yes,” Rin obliged Luvia, accepting the food. “I’m sure that you'll do just that."

Really, Luvia was being stubborn. And, just who was this Rider woman anyway?

…wait. Rider?

“Luvia?”

“Yes Rin?”

“What was that thing you said just now?”

“That I’m disappointed in you?”

“No, no,” Rin said, waving her hand. “After that.”

“Ah,” Luvia said, pausing for a moment to think. “You mean how I’m not going to just surrender do that ‘Rider’ woman? Why?” she asked. “Is there something strange about not wanting to lose to someone like that?”

“Luvia,” Rin deadpanned. “Think about it for a moment. Carefully, about whom she is.”

“I don’t see what the point is,” Luvia began. “Is she someone you know? I admit, she looked particularly silly, wearing that blindfold over her eyes, but I don’t see…wait.”

Luvia froze. It couldn’t be.

“It is, Luvia.”

“She’s into bondage, isn’t she? Who does she think she is, dragging Shirou into that world of hers!”

Rin sighed. Sure, she couldn’t have expected Luvia to have been as familiar as her with Heaven’s Feel – and, more specifically, the classes of the servants involved but…

“Look, let’s start over from the beginning.”

XXX

Fortunately, the roof had been empty when they had arrived. Just to be safe, however, he walked Rider to the corner farthest away from the door. That way, if anybody walked in on them, he would at least be able to spot them before they could get close enough to eavesdrop on him.

Finding a place to sit down, he propped himself up against the rooftop fence – facing Rider who sat on the ground in front of him. The bento, unforgotten during their escape in the classroom, sat on her lap waiting to be eaten – but that could come later. That wasn’t to say he wasn’t grateful for the food, but there were a few things he had to clear up.

For the first order of business… “How did you even find me?” Shirou asked. “You guys were just summoned today, weren’t you? You haven’t had a chance to see the city yet – much less go to the school and find my class.

“Don’t tell me, Archer told you how to get here,” Shirou said, though he wouldn’t have been surprised at all if that was the case.

“He could have,” Rider said. “But, there was no need for him to. After all, any one of us would have been able to do it on our own.”

“And why is that?” Shirou asked. They had told him many things when they were explaining to him what the Holy Grail War was – but it seemed at times there were just as many things they had forgotten to mention. For example, the command seals from earlier.

“We all have a connection with you, Shirou,” Rider said. “You already know that we that we require prana from you, right?”

“Yes, Caster had said as much,” Shirou said, nodding his head.

“It is through that connection we can tell where you are. As long as you are able to send us prana, we will always be able to find you.”

Shirou furrowed his brow. “I see,” he said. “Then, would I be able to do that as well?”

“If you concentrated enough, I am sure you would be able to, Master,” Rider said.

“Well, that’s good to have, if I need to find one of you,” he said, smiling. “Ah – but I need to know…is it possible that you can sense other things through the connections.”

“We could possibly see into your past in our dreams,” Rider said. “It is more likely to happen the stronger your connection with us becomes. And,” Rider added, her voice quieting a little. “It is possible you will see our pasts as well.”

Shirou didn’t miss the way she shifted uncomfortably when she mentioned that possibility. Whatever happened in her past, it must have been hard on her. He had nothing to hide (from his servants, at least), but not everybody could be at ease with the knowledge that someone could read their pasts like a book.

Then again, given the nature of heroic spirits, most of them probably had been in books anyway.

“Isn’t there a way to prevent that?” he asked, more for Rider’s sake than his own.

“No, not without severing our ties,” Rider said, facing down a little. “I do not want that.”

“I understand,” Shirou said. “But don’t worry – even if I see what happens, I’ll trust you no matter what.” They earned it anyway, for saving him.

“Ah,” Rider said, smiling. “Thank you, Shirou.”

“Though you know,” Shirou said, scratching his cheek. “You didn’t have to come all this way to bring me lunch; I told you guys it’s better if I come alone.”

“The prana you transmitted us had started to wane,” Rider said. “Caster explained that you might be lacking nourishment – and so she had Archer prepare a meal.”

Oh, so it wasn’t Archer’s idea to send her over after all. “I’m surprised he went along with that so easily,” Shirou said.

“It seems Archer takes cooking very seriously,” Rider said.

“Hm…so that guy has some redeemable traits after all,” Shirou said. He might have to change his opinion of the guy, if he loved cooking as much as Shirou did.

“On that note,” Rider said, removing the handkerchief wrapping from the bento. “Say ‘ah~’ Shirou.”

“Huh?” Shirou blinked.

Already, Rider had the chopsticks ready, and a piece of parmesan pork out held firmly between them. “I am going to feed you by hand, Shirou.”

“And why would you do that?” Shirou asked. “It’s okay, I can eat by myself. I’m not so tired that I can’t hold a pair of chopsticks after all.”

“Still, it is important for Shirou to conserve his strength. In fact, Lancer suggested that I do precisely this for you when I finally found you.”

Lancer…he would give that sort of advice, wouldn’t he?

“No, really, don’t worry about it.”

“Shirou…”

“Yes?”

“Say ‘ah~’” she said, more forcefully than before. For some reason, Shirou couldn’t help but feel oppressed by an invisible aura that he could feel emanating from her.

It was a little scary, to be honest.

“‘Ah~’” he relented, and immediately the aura disappeared from Rider. The woman smiled and, like that, placed the meat in his mouth. Though it was a little awkward, having her watch him chew, he admitted that it wasn’t so bad to go along with her – though, he couldn’t help but feel a little jealousy for Archer’s culinary skills.

“Now,” Rider said when he finished, practically beaming. “Say ‘thank you ma’am, may I have another?’ for me, please.”

“You’re really enjoying this, aren’t you Rider?” Shirou said, dryly.

“Of course I am,” she replied, not hiding her glee at all. “Now, open up~”

lethum
April 2nd, 2011, 12:14 AM
Cuuuuuuute. Go Rider!

And Luvia, throw away that idiot ball.

Mike1984
April 2nd, 2011, 12:20 AM
Cuuuuuuute. Go Rider!

Yeah, she's doing a damn good job of teasing Shirou....


And Luvia, throw away that idiot ball.

Yeah, lol.

Grant
April 2nd, 2011, 12:28 AM
What do you mean Idiot Ball? At this rate Rider really is going to drag Shirou into a wild world of BDSM cuteness. Not that this would be a problem mind you.

BTW, it should be "Say 'ah'", it's currently "Way 'ah'".

lethum
April 2nd, 2011, 12:30 AM
Luvia's the one with the ball. Rider's just fine.

Theocrass
April 2nd, 2011, 12:32 AM
No, no, he's just pointing out that Luvia has some legitimate concerns. What's the Grail War in the face of losing your crush?! ;_;

Mereo Flere
April 2nd, 2011, 12:34 AM
BTW, it should be "Say 'ah'", it's currently "Way 'ah'".

Thanks for the catch, Grant. :D

lethum
April 2nd, 2011, 12:37 AM
No, no, he's just pointing out that Luvia has some legitimate concerns. What's the Grail War in the face of losing your crush?! ;_;

Of course, silly me. Please pardon me, Mr Grant.

SeiKeo
April 2nd, 2011, 12:38 AM
http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y32/beegaler/Funnies/legendary-thread2.jpg
limit

Grant
April 2nd, 2011, 01:19 AM
Of course, silly me. Please pardon me, Mr Grant.

Don't say 'Mr.', it reminds me of Amelia.

Damn it! I should have suggested Lina as Caster for that video game crossover. Poor, poor Lina. She'll never have a chance at that increased bust.

TypeWannabe
April 2nd, 2011, 08:57 AM
Don't say 'Mr.', it reminds me of Amelia.

Damn it! I should have suggested Lina as Caster for that video game crossover. Poor, poor Lina. She'll never have a chance at that increased bust.

Riviera: The Primised Land Lina?

Grant
April 2nd, 2011, 09:22 AM
The one with Lightning, Haseo, Shinji et al.

Oxy
April 2nd, 2011, 09:34 AM
Gotta love this story. Keep it up dude.


“That was rather…specific of you.” Clearly, Rider surmised, that was clearly the wrong way to introduce herself.

A mistake you missed. Second sentence in the chapter.

Mereo Flere
April 2nd, 2011, 12:14 PM
A mistake you missed. Second sentence in the chapter.

Heh. It took me a moment to figure out what was wrong even after you quoted it and said it in red. I am an idiot.

Thanks Oxy!

Grant
April 2nd, 2011, 12:33 PM
But it's still amusing so we'll forgive you. Once.

B.B. Rain
April 2nd, 2011, 02:15 PM
So. Gonna go with the classic approach, where Rin and Luvia burst onto the roof just as Shirou's either resisting or getting the dessert portion of the meal? Or segue on as is?

Oxy
April 2nd, 2011, 03:55 PM
“There’s really much that you can do if they’re already taken. It’s pointless at this point.”

Really needs to be replaced with not


“Don’t tell me, Archer told you how to get here,” Shirou said, though he wouldn’t have been surprised at all of that was the case.

Of needs to be replaced with if


“It is possible you will see our pasts as well.”

Shirou didn’t miss the way she shifted uncomfortably when she mentioned that possibility.

Hmmm, someone seems to have some 'dirty' secrets.


“No, not without severing our ties,” Rider said, facing down a little. “I do not want that.”

Whoever would want that is outta his mind. Especially with her boobs-teasing-method.


“Still, it is important for Shirou to conserve his strength. In fact, Lancer suggested that I do precisely this for you when I finally found you.”

Lancer is my new favorite servant!

Mike1984
April 2nd, 2011, 03:57 PM
Hmmm, someone seems to have some 'dirty' secrets.

What, like being Medusa, perhaps?

Mereo Flere
April 2nd, 2011, 03:59 PM
Thanks Oxy, just fixed them right now.

That's what I get for using Unlimited Typo Works to write this. ^^;

Oxy
April 2nd, 2011, 04:02 PM
What, like being Medusa, perhaps?

From Shirou's pov she would seem like some sort of sex mistress. It's a perfect reason for her being 'uncomfortable'.

Mike1984
April 2nd, 2011, 04:05 PM
From Shirou's pov she would seem like some sort of sex mistress. It's a perfect reason for her being 'uncomfortable':P

Well, I would imagine that Medusa is a pretty well-known character....

Grant
April 2nd, 2011, 04:12 PM
Most people (even Gorgons) generally wouldn't want someone dreaming about their lives, especially when it's going to be as tragic and embarrassing as a hero or a monster's.

Ouch. When you consider that Shirou's going to get six (or five) Servants worth of memories downloaded into his head (even partially) and how poorly most of them turned out he's going to have issues by the time this is over.

Oxy
April 2nd, 2011, 04:16 PM
That is only if Shirou knows who she is. All he knows right now is that she's a bit odd with her sexual advancement.

Mike1984
April 2nd, 2011, 04:18 PM
Yeah, but if he sees her memories....

Oxy
April 2nd, 2011, 04:23 PM
Ah that's true. Anyways it was mostly meant as joke.

Hoster
April 2nd, 2011, 04:38 PM
To be honest, I can see Shirou being rather unfazed by all of their memories... expect for Archer's memories, those will be unpleasant.

TypeWannabe
April 2nd, 2011, 06:05 PM
To be honest, I can see Shirou being rather unfazed by all of their memories

Fate route says hi.

lethum
April 2nd, 2011, 06:21 PM
Hi, Fate route. Nice to meet you face to face, as it were.

mangafreak7793
April 2nd, 2011, 07:17 PM
I'm rather surprised Rin gave up that early.

Mereo Flere
April 2nd, 2011, 07:23 PM
Rin knew she couldn’t discuss the Holy Grail War in the middle of her classroom, so it was necessary to change location. They needed a private place, away from prying eyes and curious ears. Fortunately, she knew just the place.

“…Rin, who eats lunch in the girl’s locker room?” Luvia asked, raising brow.

“Don’t complain,” Rin said, rolling her eyes. “I told you to eat your lunch along the way like I did.”

“How could you expect me to do something as uncouth as that, Rin?”

“They were sandwiches! You can hold them in one hand. It’s not like you need to sit down at a table and eat it with a knife and fork, you know.”

“It’s the principle of the thing!” Luvia said, not budging on this issue.

“Whatever,” Rin said, sighing. “Look – just listen to me, this is important. We had to come here so that nobody would eavesdrop on us, you know.”

“Fine,” Luvia said, starting where she left off in her lunch; she could eat and listen at the same time after all. “But this better be good.”

Rin took a deep breath. She knew she had to explain this carefully to Luvia, otherwise she might misunderstand the situation again.

“Okay, Luvia,” she began. “You remember how you came here for the Holy Grail War, right?”

“Of course,” Luvia scoffed. “How could I forget my original purpose for coming here?”

“And you remember how there are supposed to be seven masters, right?”

“And how each master summons a servant of their own?”

“Yes, yes,” Luvia said, getting bored with the explanation already. “And in total, there are seven classes, a different one for each of the masters’ servants.”

“Can you name them all for me?”

Luvia frowned. “Is there really a point for all this, Rin?”

“Just humor me,” Rin said, rubbing her temples to ward off a headache.

“Well, first there are the knight classes, the servants Saber, Archer and Lancer. Then there’s Caster, the servant that uses magic as their weapon, Assassin, the servant who strikes from the shadows, and Berserker, the servant whose madness allows them to push past their limits. Finally, there’s Rider, the servant that fights atop a steed.”

Rin hanged her head, groaning. Had Luvia truly been this thickheaded before?

“Luvia,” Rin said, deciding to spell it out for the girl once and for all. “I think the Rider you saw today is Rider.”

Luvia blinked. “Of course I know that, Rin. You may as well say Issei is Issei.”

“No,” Rin said, gritting her teeth – wondering if she should just give up entirely now. However, she had gone through too much work just to leave it at this. “What I mean is Rider is the Servant Rider.”

Luvia stared at Rin, a couple of beats passing by in silence. Then, Luvia rolled her eyes. “Of course I know that, Rin.”

“Wait.” This time, it was Rin’s turn to blink. “You knew who she was?”

“Well, not who she was,” Luvia said. “It’s not like I know who she was when she was still alive, you know.”

“But you knew that she was a servant.”

“Naturally,” Luvia said, crossing her arms. “Just who do you think I am, Rin? It would’ve been plain as day if you had seen her. She didn’t look Japanese at all, she was unbelievably fast and, oh, there’s the tiny little fact that she’s called Rider.”

“So you knew,” Rin groaned, face palming. “You knew all along.”

“Is that what you dragged me out here for?” Luvia said, looking around, “Because, it was much nicer in the classroom.”

“No, well yes,” Rin admitted, wondering how she had ever been foolish enough to go through all of this. “But not entirely. Anyway, if you knew who she was, then why were you so worried about her in the first place?”

“Isn’t it obvious, Rin? I thought you would have understood,” Luvia said.

“No… I think that I don’t understand things as well as I thought I did,” Rin said. At least, she added to herself, when it came to dealing with Luvia.

“If she is a servant, then the person that she came to see today must have been her master.”

“Yes.”

“And, if Shirou is her master, that means he had to have summon her, right?”

“Well, not always,” Rin said, thinking about how other people could form a contract with a master-less servant. “But, it’s easy to assume that’s the case, I guess.”

“And Emiya Shirou isn’t a part of a particularly distinguished family, is he?”

“No, I suppose not,” Rin said; the only notable families from around this area were her own and the Matous, she supposed.

“So, what are the chances that he would have found a suitable catalyst to summon Rider?”

“Not very likely,” Rin said. “After all, if I had trouble finding one, I can’t imagine he had any easier of a time. So, where are you going with all this?”

“Isn’t it obvious Rin?” Luvia said, tapping her foot. “Without a catalyst, the servant summoned is usually the one that has the best possible compatibility with their master!”

Rin stared at Luvia.

“…and your point is?”

“That means that there’s a high probability of the two of them hitting it off!”

Rin paused, before introducing her palm to her forehead. “That’s what you’re so worried about?”

“Aren’t you worried about it too?”

“Why would I be?” Rin asked, crossing her arms.

“Well – just earlier you were talking about how you were in the same situation as I was,” Luvia pointed out.

Rin blinked – and felt her face flush a little. “Now, hold on a second! I was talking about the Holy Grail War! I was trying to cheer you up over how you were too late when it came to summoning a servant!”

“Oh that,” Luvia said, bowing her head a little. “I have already gotten over that, Rin. I expect my family will be a little disappointed, but I also believe they will be relieved that I won’t be putting myself in danger after all.

“Though… I might have trouble convincing them to let me stay here a little longer,” she said, more to herself than to Rin. “But you know,” she continued, looking back up at the other girl. “I was sure that if there was anybody in this school you would like, it would have to be a guy like Shirou.”

“No, I absolutely have no relation with that guy,” Rin said, frowning. “I haven’t even talked with him that much.”

“But you remember who he is, despite not being in the same class as him.”

“That’s…” Rin sighed, giving up; she was beginning to find that it wasn’t worth it to argue with Luvia at all. “Never mind.”

“Well, I suppose this means you at least won’t have to be heartbroken when I steal your chances of being with him away from you,” Luvia mused, smiling.

It was a challenge, filled with the confidence that Luvia could attract a man better than Rin could. If the situation wasn’t what it was right now, Rin might have fallen for it too.

“I said never mind!” Rin said, trying to maintain her focus. “There’s still something else you should know.”

“Oh?”

“I told you how the last six servants were summoned last night, right?”

“Yes, I recall that.”

“Well,” Rin said, leaning closer. “It seems that all of them were summoned at the same time.”

“All of them? At the same time?” Luvia asked. “That’s… strange.”

“Yeah,” Rin agreed, nodding. “And to be honest, I don’t believe it could possibly a coincidence.”

“Then, do you think… maybe someone summoned six servants at once?” The thought of someone being able to pull that off – it was a little frightening, even for Luvia.

“No, I don’t think that’s possible,” Rin said, shaking her head. “I mean, someone like that would have to be an unparalleled genius that came only once every few hundred - no, every few thousand years.”

Luvia furrowed her brow. “Then… in that case, it was likely a group of people working together, right?”

“It’s not unheard of,” Rin said. “In the previous war, it seems like there were a group of people that banded together for the war.”

“Then do you think Shirou’s part of them? Working with other magi to become masters in the war.”

“…no,” Rin said, shaking her head. “I don’t think that’s likely; after all, I couldn’t even tell he was a magus, and I can’t imagine anybody choosing him to summon a servant. He must have done it on his own.”

“In that case,” Luvia said, her eyes widening. “He must be the one that summoned the servant ahead of time.”

Shirou was in danger; well, more danger than Luvia had initially believed he had been. It was one thing to take part in a free for all, but if the other six masters and servants all ganged up against him it wouldn’t matter how amazing a servant Rider was (which, to be honest, Luvia didn’t believe was all that much), Shirou and his servant would be crushed in an instant.

“Rin-”

“I know,” Rin said, already guessing what Luvia was going to say. “You’re worried about him, right? Even I understand that much.”

“Then, what should we do?”

Rin stroked her chin, mulling over the situation carefully. The only way Shirou could truly be safe is if he broke the connection with Rider, something she couldn’t see a master who had so eagerly summoned his servant before anyone else doing easily. If Luvia and Rin approached him carelessly he might even assume that they were enemy masters, and order Rider to attack them. Even if the two of them were talented magi, she didn’t think the two of them could take on a servant on their own – not without careful preparation.

Still, she wasn’t so heartless that she’d left a classmate walk into a dangerous situation without understanding what he was getting into. It would be a massacre.
“We’ll lure him out,” Rin decided. “It’ll have to be somewhere where we’ll have the advantage, however. But we’ll have to be careful, no master worth their salt would willingly walk into anything that looks like a trap, after all.”

“Lure him out, huh?” Luvia bowed her head thinking. To be honest, she had thought many times on how to be alone with Shirou – though all of the plans she had attempted had been just as successful as the “accidental second lunch box” one; in other words, not at all.

She still had no intention of giving up, however, and there were still quite a few things she had yet to try out. Her Japanese culture study material had given her all sorts of scenarios that she could use, after all – the only problem was figuring out which one was the most appropriate for their needs.

“Ah,” she said, smiling devilishly. “I’ve got a plan, Rin. Just leave it up to me.”

“Can I really trust you with this?” Rin asked.

“Of course! After all, I am a genius, Rin. There is no way my plan can fail.”

XXX

Emiya Shirou had somehow managed to make it through the school day without collapsing. Whatever Archer had made, it had given him the energy to stay awake, even through his biology test. He wasn’t sure how he did, but he had completed it.

The down side was that, when he returned to class, everybody had asked about Rider. Once more, he explained the story to them, though Luvia, who had been so confrontational with Rider in the first place, missed that particular telling – arriving even later than Shirou did to class, just in time for it to begin. However, her mood seemed to be better, not that he understood why she seemed to have a problem with Rider in the first place. He was a little worried when she glanced over to him a few times, but the smiles she gave him reassured him that there was probably nothing wrong after all.

All in all, the rest of the afternoon was uneventful – that is, until he found a letter waiting inside his shoebox.

“…who even does this sort of thing nowadays?”

Fatuous One
April 2nd, 2011, 07:34 PM
http://img812.imageshack.us/img812/5176/0211i.jpg

Erlkonig
April 2nd, 2011, 07:35 PM
Poor Luvia ;_;

mangafreak7793
April 2nd, 2011, 07:54 PM
^^ the scary part is, I think that's what she wrote.

Helltanz98
April 2nd, 2011, 07:59 PM
Ah the lulz will come when they find out

Oxy
April 3rd, 2011, 07:46 AM
and Berserker, the servant that fights with a body enhanced through madness.

It reads awkward. I think it's better to write it as followed: "and Beserker, the servant that fights with a madness enchancement."


“Well, not always,” Rin said, thinking about how other people could form a contract with a master less servant.

I am honestly not even certain whether masterless is a word that exists. I'll have to wait on confirmation with that.

The following sentences requires a space in between:


“No…I think that I don’t understand things as well as I thought I did,” Rin said.


“Though…I might have trouble convincing them to let me stay here a little longer,”


Luvia asked. “That’s…strange.”


“Then, do you think…maybe someone summoned six servants at once?”


Luvia furrowed her brow. “Then…in that case, it was likely a group of people working together, right?”




Still…she wasn’t so heartless that she’d left a classmate walk into a dangerous situation without understanding what he was getting into.


Still, she wasn’t so heartless that she’d left a classmate walk into a dangerous situation without understanding what he was getting into.

The ellipsis can be removed completely.

Edit: this last quote is correct afterall, provided there is a space in between.

ringlhach
April 3rd, 2011, 08:53 AM
It reads awkward. I think it's better to write it as followed: "and Beserker, the servant that fights with a madness enchancement."Since "enchancement" doesn't exist and that phrasing is at least as awkward, how about "whose madness allows them to push past their limits" instead?


I am honestly not even certain whether masterless is a word that exists. I'll have to wait on confirmation with that. I've usually seen "master-less," but at least one dictionary (http://www.thefreedictionary.com/Masterless) allows for it. So does Webster's, apparently, but only in a subscription version.

Oxy
April 3rd, 2011, 09:12 AM
Since "enchancement" doesn't exist and that phrasing is at least as awkward, how about "whose madness allows them to push past their limits" instead?

I wrote it incorrectly. I meant "enhancement", but yours is better.

Mereo Flere
April 3rd, 2011, 02:22 PM
Thanks for the help, Oxy and ringllach. Didn't even know about the rules about ellipsis till you reminded me of them, and that sentence is better phrased your way. Going with master-less as well. :D

Mereo Flere
April 6th, 2011, 03:08 AM
"What if (Almost) Everybody Was Shirou's Servant?" by Mereo Flere

Chapter 5

A/N: This chapter went through so many revisions, it isn't even funny.

Well, maybe it's funny, if you enjoy my suffering.

XXX

It did not surprise Shirou to find Rider waiting outside of the school gates for him. Though he hadn't explicitly told her that she should go home, he had suggested she should leave the school after feeding him before a teacher found her and got him in trouble. Considering that she had suggested the idea of simply knocking anybody out before they could spot her (which he promptly rejected of course), he was satisfied that she had left without causing any more trouble at all.

Of course, when he told her that he wasn't going to be heading home right away she hadn't exactly taken it well when he explained that he was going to meet with a classmate. Like Saber, Rider also seemed to be worried about his safety.

"Master, you do realize that she says she's going to kill you if you don't show up, right?" she said in a worried tone, looking over the letter he received. She had insisted on seeing it and, against his better judgment, he had shown it to her.

"It's probably just a joke," Shirou said, rubbing the back of his head. To be honest, he couldn't really explain it as well; Luvia wasn't the type to use that sort of humor – not that he would tell that to Rider. "Besides, that's crossed out."

"Shirou, the fact that it was written at all is disturbing."

"Well, if she really wanted to kill me she would have started on a new piece of paper so I couldn't find out, right?" he said, hoping that that was the case.

"What if she's an enemy master? You said she only transferred here recently, didn't you?"

Shirou shook his head. "You said there are only seven servants, didn't you? Since I summoned you guys and Ilya summoned Berserker there isn't really any room for other masters."

Rider crossed her arms, pacing back and forth to come up with an argument against that. "What if she's working with Ilyasviel, then?"

"Somehow," Shirou said, chuckling at the thought of Luvia being subservient to anyone at all. "I don't think Luvia is the type to accept someone like Ilyasviel as her boss. Or anyone else, for that matter of fact; she spent a lot of time talking about how noble her family was when she first came here, you see.

"And besides," he continued, smiling at Rider. "She's my friend. Sure, she hasn't been here that long, but I can at least trust that she won't try to kill me."

Rider stared at her master. "You really are confident about that aren't you, Shirou?"

"Ah…" Shirou said sheepishly. "Let's just say some things happened. Anyway, you don't have to worry – I'll be home long before the sun is down."

XXX

Rin and Luvia had headed to the designated location as soon as school was over, taking Luvia's limousine to arrive there before Shirou. Rin had to admit that it was convenient to be driven around everywhere and was reminded that though the two of them belonged to distinguished families there was still a difference in actual prestige. Not that Luvia ever flaunted the monetary superiority between them. No, with magi it was always about talent and history; while Luvia admitted that they may have been similarly talented, the Edelfelt's legacy had existed for far longer than the Tohsaka's. Rin, in turn, pointed out that the fact that her family had caught up at all was a testament to her family's line.

These were the sort of arguments the two of them had together when they were alone. The drive over to the park, however, was silent.

They had chosen it because there were a very low number of visitors that showed up there, and a barrier would prevent the ones that might appear to enter the location. They could also prepare traps to delay a servant should a fight break out and give themselves time to escape. Still, Rin was worried about the situation.

They would be up against a servant. Even if they were to survive an encounter they might have to go into hiding if Shirou perceived them as a threat; it wouldn't be difficult to find out where Luvia and Rin lived, after all.

Rin glanced over the other person in the car, wondering how she was fairing. There, Luvia was leaning forward in her seat hands held in front of her face, clearly deep in thought about the situation. Rin smiled a little, knowing that her partner was taking it as seriously as she was.

"So, Rin," Luvia said, turning to her. "You really don't like Shirou after all?"

…or not.

"Are you still on that," Rin said, rolling her eyes. "I told you, I don't care about him one bit. I can't even figure out why you're so obsessed with him anyway. What happened between the two of you anyway?"

"Ah, well, you see," Luvia said, feeling her cheeks get hotter. "What happened was – oh, look we're here!"

True to Luvia's word, the car had come to a stop. Immediately, she opened her door instead of waiting for the driver to do it for her like she usually did. "Let us go, Rin!" she declared hastily, heading inside of the park ahead of Rin.

"Hold on, don't think this is over yet, Luvia!" Rin yelled, chasing after her rival. After all, if she was that embarrassed how could Rin not want to know?

"What happened between Shirou and I can wait for later! You should be more serious about getting ready for the meeting with him, Rin!"

"I don't want to hear that from you!"

As the two of them ran inside of the park neither of them saw the girl sitting on the bench as they passed her. It was only a coincidence that she had gone out for a stroll of course, and another coincidence that she had chosen to stop there of all places to enjoy her crepe, but it did not change the fact that she had overheard the two of them.

It seemed that despite the earlier setback last night that fate would smile upon Ilyasviel.

"Now, what's this about Onii-chan?" the small girl said curiously, watching the two girls as they ran further into the park.

XXX

Somehow or another, Shirou had managed to convince Rider to go home. He had a feeling that Luvia would be irritated if he brought her along, and there were some questions he had wanted to ask. Like, why couldn't they just talk during class? Or after school? Or if she really thought he wouldn't notice the crossed out threat in her letter?

For now, however, he would settle for, "What's Tohsaka doing here too?" he asked, as he neared the fountain where he spotted the two talking about something.

The two of them froze when he spoke, and slowly turned their heads towards him. It seemed that neither of them heard him jogging up; they really had been engrossed in their discussion. "Is... there something wrong?" he asked, looking at the two of them.

"It's nothing," Luvia said hastily, shooting a silencing glance at Rin. However, she quickly turned back to Shirou, smiling brightly at him. "Anyway, I'm glad to see you here. I take it you've read my letter?" she asked, eyes filled with hope.

"Well, yes," Shirou admitted, scratching his head. To be honest, he didn't expect her to be this excited to see him. She must have been really looking forward to it.

"Then," she began hesitantly, fidgeting her fingers behind her back. "Have you decided to accept…?"

She held her breath. Despite the confidence that she had displayed earlier in front of Rin, she wasn't so arrogant to think that someone might not like her. There were probably plenty of people who didn't, after all. Few of them, however, ever mattered to Rin.

"About that," Shirou said slowly, rubbing the back of his head. She felt her heart sank a little, but kept up her smile anyway. "I don't really understand it, but are you really fine with me?"

"Of course I chose you!" Luvia said with a huff, stamping her foot. "There's nobody else that it could possibly be?"

"Are you sure?" Shirou asked, looking back down at the letter in his hands. "I mean, there's Issei – and, well, people always said there was something going on between you and Rin…"

A little off to the side, Rin had started to giggle. Luvia, however, was not as amused. Issei was one thing, but Rin? How could possibly anybody think that the two of them were together? Really, just because the two of them shared lunch together… but even that was only because Shirou was always getting dragged away by the student council president!

"It's nothing like that at all!" she shouted, blushing furiously. "I know we spend time with each other, and maybe we have a few similarities, and perhaps I could even call her my friend… but nothing like that would ever happen at all! And you there, Rin! Stop laughing!"

"Sorry," she apologized, waving her hand. "It's just that I couldn't help myself. It is a ridiculous thought, though, isn't it?" she asked, still chuckling a little.

Shirou laughed weakly, though not because he found anything funny about this. It was just that it felt awkward to stand there, just feeling lost. But, Luvia was taking this seriously, so he knew that he should as well.

"In any case," he said with a cough. Adjusting his shirt, he stood up straight – holding out a hand. "If you are truly fine with me-"

"I-I already told you that I was, Shirou!"

"-then I'll gladly accept it," Shirou finished, holding out a hand.

Luvia's eyes widened, staring at his hand. It was a strange gesture for this, she believed; it seemed too formal for accepting a confession, but then again she wasn't too familiar with the customs in this land just yet. Still, she would take whatever she would get.

"Well then," she said, feeling her face flush a little; hearing Rin laugh louder in the background didn't help at all. Looking down so that she couldn't see how embarrassed she was, she reached out and took hold of his hand with both of her own. "I guess it can't be helped," she said, even if she knew it was pointless to try to act cool now. "It's official then! I guarantee you won't regret your decision, Shirou."

"Yes," Shirou said, shaking her hands. "I'll do my best not to disappoint you!"

"Oh Shirou, you could never do that."

"And don't go easy on me either! You be as hard on me as you can, and I'll be as hard on you as possible!"

Somehow, Luvia turned even redder than she had been before. "H-hard on me? W-well, if you insist," she mumbled, already imaging what he meant by that.

"Of course! If we're going to do this," he said cheerfully. "Then we have got to do it right! What's the point of being rivals if we don't push each other to new heights?"

Luvia blinked, feeling her blood freeze for a moment. Slowly, she raised her head and soon her now cold, almost lifeless eyes pierced through Shirou.

"What did you just say?" she asked, sending a chill down Shirou's spine.

"Luvia," Shirou said shakily, feeling the grip around his hand grow stronger. "You're starting to hurt my hand."

"What did you just say?" Luvia repeated, her fingertips digging into his hand now.

"Luvia, you're scaring me."

"Just answer the question Shirou."

Shirou gulped, and quickly thought back to a few moments ago. "Why bother being rivals if we don't make each other better?" he adlibbed, hoping that it was close enough to what he said.

"Yes. Rivals. Why would you think that I was doing something as ridiculous as asking you to be my rival?"

"I-isn't that why you sent me a letter of challenge?"

"Letter of challenge?" Luvia asked, tilting her head creepily.

"Yes, you gave it to me, didn't you?" Shirou asked, quickly holding out the somewhat crumpled letter to the girl.

Thankfully, she let go of his (now bruised) hand, snatching the letter away from him. Ripping off the open envelop, she tossed it aside and quickly read over the contents. Then, she looked back up and terrified Shirou with her gaze once more – though, thankfully, she quickly turned her head over to a nearby Tohsaka Rin.

Rin by this time had completely burst into tears while laughing, though she immediately stopped when she sensed Luvia focus on her.

"Rin."

"Y-yes?"

"This isn't my letter. This isn't even my handwriting. And why does it say I'd kill him if he didn't show up? Tell me," Luvia said, her every word - every syllable! - emphasized with killing intent. "Do you have an explanation for this?"

"I couldn't help myself," Rin said, her voice shaking. She was telling the truth too; after spending so much time with Kotomine growing up, she had trouble resisting the urge to mess with people. "I read your original letter, and thought it might not be sufficient in getting him to come, you see. And besides, that last part was crossed off!"

Luvia continued to glare at Rin. For a moment the twin-tailed schoolgirl was afraid that Luvia might attack her over this. How many times had Rin herself wanted to get back at Kotomine, after all the mind games he had played with her over the years?

Luvia raised a hand in the air, hand shaking with anger. Rin took a step back, expecting Luvia to jump at her at any moment now. Then…

…Luvia just fell to her knees, letting out a cry. "Rin, you meanie!" she sobbed, wiping away a tear with the back of her hand.

"Look, I'm sorry," Rin said, feeling a wave of guilt wash over her. Maybe she had taken things too far after all. "I-I'll make it up to you," she said, running over to the fallen girl.

As Rin kneeled to pat Luvia on the back, however, Luvia's hand shot out and grabbed her by the wrist. "Got you," Luvia said, looking up at Rin with bloodshot eyes.

Rin's she gasped when she realized she was caught and immediately she struggled to get free. However, there was no point; Luvia was simply too strong for her at that moment. And so, she accepted her fate and closed her eyes, gritting her teeth so that she wouldn't let out a shameful scream.

Hopefully, her execution would be swift at least.

XXX

"Okay," Rin said, nursing the bump on her head that had appeared after Luvia had continuously ground her knuckls into it. "I deserved that."

"You deserved more than that," Luvia said with a huff, crossing her arms. "To think, you tried playing with a Maiden's heart!"

Shirou scratched his cheek, wondering what he had missed. Still, he was thankful that whatever happened to possess Luvia had been, for the moment at least, sealed away – sent back to wherever it had been summoned from.

"So, Tohsaka wrote that letter, huh?" he said aloud, having figured that much. "Then, if it wasn't your rival that you wanted me to become what was it exactly?"

"It doesn't matter," Luvia sighed, shaking her head. "The mood has been totally ruined anyway. I'll just try next time, I suppose."

"It's your fault for not taking this seriously," Rin said, scowling. "If you hadn't come up with such a embarrassing letter I wouldn't have had to switch it." If you thought about it, she had actually done Luvia a favor. All that purple prose about Shirou's wild, untamed hair of fire, his deep blue eyes filled with deep passion that knew no depths and everything else would have scared off any guy anyway.

"I don't want to hear that from you right now, Rin," Luvia said, through gritted teeth. "Though, I suppose you're right… we should get on with this.

"But remember," she added, glancing over to Rin. "I still haven't completely forgiven you yet."

"Duly noted," Rin said, as she shivered slightly. Shirou, too, made a mental note not to piss Luvia off.

"So then," Shirou asked, trying not to sound impatient. If it wasn't important then he might have risked pissing of some of his servants for no reason. "What is it?"

"Ah yes," Luvia said, straightening back up. The main reason she had called him hear was to tell him he was in danger, not make a confession… even if that would have been a nice bonus. "Shirou… we know the truth. You're a Master, aren't you?"

Shirou immediately tensed up, realizing that they knew about the Holy Grail War too. He shouldn't have been surprised, since in order to summon a servant you had to know about the ritual in the first place… usually, anyway. Shirou himself had been a gross exception it seems, and he wasn't sure what he had done in the first place.

Still, maybe he could get out of this with a denial.

"Don't think about denying it either," Rin said, as if she were able to read his mind. Damn it, was she psychic like Archer too? "Luvia saw Rider enter your classroom earlier today. We know you summoned a servant, Shirou."

…that was right. How could he forget about that? Though, that might have explained why Luvia was so shocked to see Rider in the first place.

"You…you're not Masters, are you?" he said, looking around nervously. Despite what he said about it being impossible that Ilyasviel would be the only master, he suddenly wasn't quite so sure.

"No," Luvia said, giving him a reassuring smile. Shirou calmed down a little. "Actually, we were going to be, but something unfortunate happened that prevented us from doing so."

"In fact," Rin continued, taking a seat down on the edge of the fountain. "That's what we wanted to talk to you about."

Oh god. They knew. They knew that he had summoned six servants, and in doing so prevented them from summoning their own. Rin and Luvia must have come here to take revenge. They'd kill him, and try to take his command seals.

…no, he couldn't think that way. Though he was surprised to find out the two of them were magi, he couldn't think that the people in his school would be so cold blooded, especially not the school idols. To begin with, Luvia was his friend and Tohsaka… well he couldn't imagine her attacking him out of revenge either.

"What is it?" he asked, deciding to see how this played out.

"You see," Luvia explained, "We have good reason to believe you're in danger."

Rin nodded. "A lot of danger."

"Yes, I understand that," Shirou said. He understood it better than anyone. "It comes with being a master, doesn't it?"

"No!" Luvia said, stomping her foot. "You don't understand. Last night, it appears that the last six of the servants were all summoned last night."

"Yes?" Shirou said, wondering how they knew this. "And, your point is?"

"Well," Rin continued, seeing that Shirou clearly didn't understand the implication of this. "We have good reason to believe that the six of these servants are working together."

Shirou nodded his head slowly. If he wasn't worried about how terrifyingly accurate their information was he would've been impressed… though, why bother to tell him things he already knew? "So?" he asked, crossing his arms. "What's your point?"

"The point, Shirou?" Luvia asked, incredulous over her crush's lack of concern. "You're in danger!"

Once again, Shirou tilted his head, confused. "Yes, but we went over that already, didn't we?"

"No, you don't understand," Rin said, rubbing her temples. "We're afraid those six servants are going to attack you all at once!"

Shirou blinked, eyes darting between Rin and Luvia. "Look," he said, holding up his hands. "I think there's been a misunderstanding."

Rin rolled her eyes. Of course there was a misunderstanding, a huge misunderstanding, the biggest misunderstanding of all time!

"There's no reason for my own servants to attack me, is there?"

"No, of course your own servant wouldn't attack you," Rin scoffed. "That's not what we're talking about!"

"Um, Rin," Luvia said shakily, tugging at the other girl's sleeve. "He said servants."

"Yes, and?" Rin asked, raising a brow. A few moments of silence passed, before she realized her mistake. "Wait, what?" No, that couldn't be right. It was impossible. How could anybody possibly summon six servants at once? "You're joking," Rin said, hands shaking.

Luvia, on the other hand, was taking the news far better than Rin was. Her eyes were shining as she grabbed Shirou's hand. "You're amazing Shirou! To think, that I would meet a genius of your caliber when I came here!" Really, it only reinforced the fact that there was nobody else in the world that could possibly be as suited for her as him.

Shirou, still a little scared of Luvia after the recent experience, somehow managed not to pull away when Luvia held his hand again. "I'm not as amazing as you think I am," Shirou said, a little embarrassed by the unwarranted praise.

"Don't be so humble, Shirou. To think, you summoned six servants… it's completely unheard of! Nobody has even imagined let alone tried to accomplish such a feat!"

Shirou smiled weakly, holding back an awkward laugh. "That's just the thing… I wasn't even trying to do it."

Rin's eyes twitched. "You…" she began, stepping in between Luvia and Shirou, separating the two for the moment. "You weren't even trying?" Just how arrogant was he to so casually dismiss how incredibly ridiculous this feat was?

"Yes," Shirou said, stepping back. Unlike Luvia, it seemed that Rin wasn't as pleased with this news after all. "It happened completely on accident, you see."

Rin paused. "An accident, you say?" she asked, cautiously.

"Yes," Shirou repeated. "An accident."

"I see, I see," Rin said nodding her head.

"You do?" Shirou sighed in relief; it seemed that that she finally understood what he had been saying.

"Of course I don't!" Rin yelled, grabbing him by the collar. "Just how big of a fool do you think I am?"

"Now, now… Rin was it?" a voice behind them said. "He's not lying at all. I thought that he didn't look like much at first as well, but it turned out that he was full of surprises."

The three high school students froze. The two girls turned around while Shirou simply looked over Rin's shoulder – finding exactly the person he had dreaded to see. There, standing on the fountain's edge, was Ilyasviel von Einzbern.

Rin and Luvia quickly exchanged glances. There was no doubt in their minds that this person was a magus; normal people would never have gotten through their barrier. Before they could ask her who she was, however, Shirou stepped forward in front of them, standing protectively between the two girls and his sister.

"Hello, Ilyasviel," he greeted her in a guarded tone.

"Hello, Onii-chan," Ilyasviel greeted him back, cheerfully curtseying for him. "Oh my… to be honest, I'm surprised… it doesn't look like you've brought any of your servants along? What a shame too, since you have so many."

"Well," Shirou admitted, regretting that he had sent Rider home all of a sudden. "To be honest, I didn't expect to see you again so soon."

"How naïve of you, Shirou," Ilyasviel said, smiling. "And, unfortunately for you, I didn't make the same mistake."

Ilyasviel raised her hand and snapped her fingers. Then, just like the previous night, Berserker appeared – materializing seemingly out of thin air. This time Shirou watched carefully – now convinced that the giant had simply been hidden before and had in fact been standing there for quite some time before revealing himself. How someone as large as Berserker could manage that, however, was a mystery. Perhaps he would have to ask his servants about it – if he made it through this alive.

"Berserker," Ilyasviel said, as she crossed her arms over her chest. "Kill him."

XXX

Normally, Ilya had originally planned to play around with Shirou when she caught him in the park – to let him run about like he did last night. It had been fun watching him run around, trying to stay alive, never quite realizing that his life was in the palm of her hand; Berserker's, really, but she was the one that would guide the killing blow. Though she had been surprised that he managed to summon six servants just when he was about to be executed, in the end she believed that would simply make the game more interesting. Now Shirou could properly try to defend himself, to use those servants as his shields – and she would have loved to watch Berserker cut a bloody path through each one of them.

Last night, he had surely found a measure of hope for his continued existence and she had hoped to smother it slowly, and see Kiritsugu's son ultimately turn to despair. Then, when she finally decided to deliver her vengeance, the Holy Grail would immediately be in her reach.

However…

He hadn't thought to bring any of his servants with him, even after Berserker's display of strength. True, the two of them had retreated that night, but there was no doubt in the gap of power between her servant and Shirou's. Four of them couldn't hold Berserker. Even with all of their noble phantasms, whatever they were, she could not imagine them taking even halve of his lives.

Despite that, he had underestimated her completely. If it was simple arrogance that led him to be so sure in his own safety, she would have enjoyed crushing it just to see the look of surprise. Instead, it was simple stupidity.

…how could she possibly enjoy a game where the prey didn't realize the stakes at all?

So, she gave the order to kill him. It was better to be over with this if it was going to be so dull…

Berserker charged. With his speed, it would not take even a second to cross the distance between him and his target. There really nothing that could stop him.

But, something did.

With only a quarter of the original distance left between Berserker and Shirou, he felt a source of prana surge behind him. With impossible speeds he jumped back, not even able to spare the time it would take to turn around. In an instant, he was by Ilya's side just before the fountain blew up – acting as her shield from the explosion.

Whatever it was, it would have been powerful enough to kill any magus – perhaps even disorient a lesser servant. However, against Berserker's skin of armor, a noble phantasm that could resist all but the most powerful of attacks, it did not even make a scratch. Berserker neither budged nor flinched as he covered Ilya; not even a single drop of water had wet her clothes.

"My, my," Ilya said, still shielded behind Berserker's body. There was no need to guess who had planted the trap. There was no way someone like her Shirou could have set it up, and she had been watching him the whole time anyway. Only the two girls that had called Shirou here in the first place had the capability and opportunity to prepare it could have done so.

It was a shame, really, when you considered how it was her brother that had gotten all of the servants while they had been left with none. They may have been formidable opponents if they had summoned a servant – ones that she would have inevitably killed, but she had originally planned to let them go. They were no threats as they were, and letting them leave with their lives would have been suitable thanks for letting Ilya meet with her Onii-chan again.

But, they had dared to attack her. That couldn't be forgiven.

"Berserker," she said, loud enough for the girls to hear. They needed to understand just how big the mistake they made was. "Kill those two as well."

The order was given. However, it was not obeyed.

When Berserker didn't move, Ilya looked up at her servant with a puzzled look; he followed her every whim with absolute obedience. The only time he ignored her commands was when it would place her in danger.

Curiously, she took a step to the side, popping her head out for a moment. Then she smiled, pleasantly surprised what she saw.

Maybe her Onii-chan wasn't an idiot after all. To think, he had kept his servants hidden all this time.

"Onii-chan, my opinion of you has raised a little."

XXX

Saber's opinion of Shirou had lowered a little.

She had let him go to school without an escort, and then he willingly walked into danger without any protection at all. Not only that but he had even sent the protection he had had, Rider, home for some reason she couldn't imagine.

"Master, you are an idiot," she whispered to him, just loud enough for him to hear.

"Hey, I didn't know she was going to be here," he whispered back.

"Perhaps," Saber conceded, at least on the fact that the people he was planning to meet hadn't been out to kill him. "But this sort of thing is precisely what you should be prepared for in the first place."

"Still," he said, smiling at her. "Thanks for coming."

"Show your gratitude by ceasing such foolish behavior."

As it was the three of them – Rider, Lancer and herself – had only just barely made it in time to see Ilya order Berserker to charge. Had it not been for that fortunate distraction (really, those girls were more prepared than her own master) they wouldn't have been able to get to Shirou's side in time to stop Berserker.

To be honest, she would have preferred if all of the servants were here. As it was, Archer had sent Caster and Assassin out shopping (who sent other servants to go on a shopping trip, anyway?), while the bowman himself had said he needed to prepare dinner. Lancer himself had only come because he was interested in what kind of girl Shirou had planned to see – probably to tease him over having another girl in his harem, despite the girl apparently proclaiming herself to be Shirou's rival; his reasoning was that there was no greater competition than the ones held between sheets.

Already, Saber had begun to wonder if it was only Rider and herself that seriously worried about their Master.

Still, three of them were here, and three of them would have to make do with the firepower they had.

"Shirou," Lancer said, eyeing the girls that Shirou had been talking with before his sister had interrupted them. He wanted to praise the guy for apparently adding not one, but two girls to his harem (and taking the total number up to four; that solidified its position as an harem) though he knew that this wasn't the time. The teasing would wait until later – after they were safe, and possibly after Saber smacked their master around a bit to vent her anger, but it would definitely happen. "Take your lady friends and run."

"What?" Shirou said, eyes widening. "How can you expect me to leave you guys here? That guy's a monster you know!"

Lancer grinned, understanding the younger boy's feelings. Fleeing a field of battle, while leaving others to fight in his stead? It would have put off Lancer at least, and the argument that he simply was outclassed didn't seem like it would convince his master to leave. Telling Shirou he would only get in the way would make things worse, but fortunately he knew just how to appeal to his master's sense of heroism.

"It's a man's duty to protect the women," he said, eyes glancing over Luvia and Rin. "And these fine girls protected your life just now. The way I figure it, you owe them a debt and so the least you could do is make sure they get out safely."

Shirou looked away from Lancer, clearly digesting that information. It would take some time, but he knew that he would eventually accept Lancer's logic. However, they had no time; they needed to move before Ilya could come up with some sort of plan, and they couldn't move completely until Shirou was safe. Thankfully, someone helped Shirou hurry up with his decision.

"Shirou," Luvia said, tugging on her classmate's sleeve. "He's right. We need to go; we're only going to get in their way here." To her right, Rin nodded in agreement.

"I get it!" Shirou said, grabbing both of their hands – though Rin immediately pulled away, saying something about how she didn't need his help to get away before she took a head start on her escape. Luvia, on the other hand, simply blushed and held tightly onto him, waiting for him to run. "But you guys better stay alive! All of you!" he ordered, as he started to follow Rin – Luvia in tow behind him.

Lancer grinned, giving his master a salute. He had no intention of dying after all, though if it turned out he couldn't obey the order he hoped the boy wouldn't hold it against him; if it happened, it happened.

"Are you ready, Lancer?" Saber asked, thankful that he had somehow gotten through Shirou's thick head.

"Of course, Saber. Just making sure the kid goes where he's needed, that's all." Lancer smiled, before looking over to Rider – who had maintained her focus on Berserker this entire time without speaking. "How about you, Rider?"

"To be honest," she said, finally throwing a glance back at her retreating master. "I think the endowed girl with blond drills is the biggest threat at the moment."

Lancer grinned. "That's a joke, right?" he asked, just in case.

"…probably," Rider admitted, and suddenly Lancer wasn't as convinced as he was before. "Even if she doesn't appear to be after his life, she is… dangerous."

"…"

"Yes," she said, after a moment. "That was a joke."

To be honest, Lancer couldn't understand her sense of humor. Just in case, however, he raised the Shirou Harem counter yet again today, bringing the total to five.

"Lancer, Rider, stop wasting time. If we fail in this, Master Shirou will be in danger."

Maybe six.

XXX

Berserker waited.

Even in his madness, he knew that the servants before him could not match his power, that the gap between their strength and his was as wide and as deep as the ocean. None of the warriors posed a threat to even a single one of his lives in the condition they were in. No matter how fine a hero each may have been in life, it couldn't be denied that quality had been exchanged for quantity when in truth they would have needed both to survive against him.

However, he had Ilya to protect. Above all else, he had to make sure she lived. That couldn't be done by recklessly leaving her side, seeing only what was in front of him. His heart understood that if he took even a step too far away from her the enemy would seize the opportunity to strike at her.

He was strong, but he was only one. They were weak, but they were also three. If he chased after the enemy (any one of them, it didn't matter which), the other two could slip through. Though Ilya was undoubtedly the strongest master that Heaven's Feel had ever seen, against a servant she would be cut down in an instant.

For that reason he stayed by Ilya's side, even as the madness screamed at him to run to the enemy, to grind them into dust. Even when his original target ran away, the one he had been explicitly ordered by Ilya to kill, he did not move away from her, ignoring his prey. Whether it was born from a god or Heaven's feel, Herakles would never again allow madness to prevent him from protecting those he should protect.

And so, he waited.

Alyeris
April 6th, 2011, 03:12 AM
Good boy Berserker! As expected of one of the most loyal characters in the Type-Moon universe!

B.B. Rain
April 6th, 2011, 03:58 AM
Damn. And I thought my respect for Berserker was already at its height.

Also, it's almost a pity Luvia didn't decide to take what she could get. The scene was very funny, but Shirou could use a mortal rival, especially a Mage, who didn't actually want to kill him.

ringlhach
April 6th, 2011, 05:04 AM
Shirou Harem counter
:p :D

Garlak
April 6th, 2011, 05:04 AM
http://img812.imageshack.us/img812/5176/0211i.jpg

... Where is that from? The Kaleid Liner something-something spinoff manga? If so, what chapter/page?

willyvereb
April 6th, 2011, 05:13 AM
And here I thought that only Archer can be manly by just standing still.
Berserker shows how much a badass he is by doing exactly nothing. It's an amusing contradiction.

I like Lancer's "Harem Counter", BTW.
I wonder if he does manage to steal one in the end.

Fatuous One
April 6th, 2011, 07:13 AM
... Where is that from? The Kaleid Liner something-something spinoff manga? If so, what chapter/page?

Yeah, Fate/Kaleid Liner Prisma☆Illya. It's the second chapter.

Hermitfold
April 6th, 2011, 03:48 PM
Pretty slick new chapter, Mereo.

Theocrass
April 6th, 2011, 06:49 PM
I lul'd. Lancer is awesome.

Neir
April 6th, 2011, 09:30 PM
Amazing.

WANT TO BROFIST BERSERKER SO HARD

Mereo Flere
April 13th, 2011, 01:41 AM
"What if (Almost) Everybody was Summoned by Shirou" by Mereo Flere

A/N: I know Rider's eyes work differently in canon. It's also a good time to point out that Saber isn't using Invisible Air; her sword was visible when she was summoned in this story, and it wouldn't really offer her any real advantage against Berserker.

XXX

Berserker was waiting for them. To be honest, Lancer thought they had kept him waiting long enough. However, the master came first, and so they all waited for him to leave the area.

When Shirou was safe, however, the battle was on. Or rather, it should have been.

Just as he was about to take off and charge straight towards Berserker, Saber grabbed his shoulder, preventing him from moving on. Before he could shirk her off, Rider stepped in front of him – a hand placed on his chest. Though it wouldn't have been enough to stop him if he really tried, he didn't want to

"What do you two think you're doing?" he asked dryly. "I finally have another chance to fight that guy and you're getting in my way."

"What do you think you're doing, Lancer?" Saber said sternly, forcefully turning him around so that he could see her glare at him. He wasn't that impressed. "You were about to challenge him head on! We've got to work together on this and aim for the master."

"Tch," Lancer said, rolling his eyes. "Where's the fun in that?"

"It's the part where we all get to live."

"Like I said," he said, smirking at the girl. "Where's the fun in that?" All he wanted to do was get in a good fight. Was that so hard to understand? Wasn't it enough that he hadn't challenged the other servants to a duel to the death when they were first summoned?

"Would you really be fine dying with the knowledge that Archer outlived you?" Rider asked him. To be honest, she didn't agree with Saber's method of attacking Ilya, but she knew that they would need to work together if they wanted to stand any chance of staying alive.

"Well, when you put it like that," Lancer said, imagining the smug look on Archer's face if that happened. It was a tough decision, knowing how much it would amuse the man… but in the end, he really, really wanted to fight Berserker. "I still want to duel the big guy over there to the death."

"That's suicide!" Saber yelled, shaking her

"It's pointless to stop him," Rider said, stepped away from Lancer – looking him over one more time. "He and Assassin really do have a lot in common after all," she said after a moment.

Saber blinked. "How do you figure?" she asked, examining Lancer closer as well. "Sure, they're both tall, and they both have blue hair…"

"Well, there's that," Rider admitted. "But I was talking about their personalities."

Lancer's eyes widened as the implication sunk in for a moment. "Hey now!" he said defensively, raising both hands of his hands. "I'm nothing like him!"

"Ah, that's right!" Rider exclaimed, tapping herself in the forehead as she realized her grave mistake. "After all, Assassin was joking."

"I'm not gay!" Lancer yelled as he stomped his foot on the ground. "Like I said before, I'm as straight as a lance!"

"Is that so?" Rider said, tilting her head curiously. "Then you don't want to go over to that half naked, muscular man and try to thrust your thick, long rod into him as he tries to smack you around with his giant, hard club of his?"

Lancer's eye twitched. That was technically an accurate description of what he wanted to do, but… "You're just trying to make it sound like something it isn't! It's a fight to the death, not whatever crazy scenario you're cooking up in your head!"

"That still wouldn't explain your fashion sense," Rider said, pointing to Lancer's blue bodysuit, which he had changed back into for the fight. "I have to admit, it certainly flatters you, with the way it shows off that well built body of yours, but… wearing it when you 'fight' other men?"

Lancer felt a vein begin to pulse on his forehead. "This suit was designed for maximum mobility in a fight, it wasn't meant for showing off! And don't put air quotes around the word 'fight'!" Lancer complained. "I'm serious about this, after all!"

Rider stared at him, as well as she could with her mask anyway. For a moment, the spearman believed that he had finally gotten through to her.

"Then prove it," Rider said, crossing her arms.

Of course it wasn't going to be that easy. "Why should I prove anything to you?" he grumbled, rubbing the back of his head. This was supposed to be his chance for a battle of epic proportions – so how in the world did his sexual preferences ever come into play?

"You don't have to," Rider said. "After all, it's not like my opinion matters, right?"

Lancer knew that she was right. He knew that in the end he knew what he was and it didn't matter what anybody else thought. He shouldn't have even let them stop him from fighting in the first place!

Yet…

"Watch closely, Rider. I'll show to you once and for all what type of man I am."

…it would still bug him if they held such misconceptions in their head. He had a reputation and an image to uphold, after all.

XXX

Saber had trouble keeping up with Lancer and Rider's "conversation" and though she managed to get the gist of it, there hadn't been a point where she could just break into it. Regardless of how much sense Rider's argument made, the truth was she could not have cared less about Lancer's preferences. She was thankful that it had managed to prevent Lancer from charging to his death, at least for a little while, but now… now they were just bickering, distracting each other when the enemy could move at them at any moment. It was a miracle Berserker hadn't tried to attack them at all at this time; then again, he seemed hesitant to leave his master's side.

Finally, it ended. It seemed Lancer had figured out a way to settle the debate once and for all – and Saber was happy for a moment. Once he had gotten whatever it was he was planning out of the way, they could begin their assault on Ilya.

Yet, when Lancer turned to Saber, her body subconsciously tensed up. Perhaps it was the look of burning determination in his eyes, or the way he told her to hold still for a moment, but something about him felt off. Her instincts, which had rarely failed her in the past, told her danger was approaching.

Panicking was not something that Saber did often. Yet, in this moment when she could not find the words to ask him what he was doing nor the strength to just push him away, all she could do was look to Rider for help… and realize that the taller woman was, for once, not wearing her mask.

It hadn't been intentional on Rider's part. She had simply taken Lancer's words seriously and took off her mask to see the act with her own eyes. Yet, that simple act was what brought Saber down. Rider's eyes weren't ordinary after all and held within them a curse that could petrify anything that met her gaze. Though Saber had magic resistance that would shrug off even Caster's spells, the knight still felt the effects of that curse when her eyes met Rider's.

Saber's body weakened as she felt the pressure of the curse begin to wash over her. However, before she could ask Rider what she had done, Lancer's hand turned Saber's head by her chin, forcing her to look at him once again. It was then that she noticed that his face was suddenly much closer than it had been before – and that it was getting nearer and nearer every moment. By the time that she finally figured out what he was going to do it was too late – Lancer had already struck his target.

XXX

Ilya knew exactly what she had expected when Shirou ran away. The three servants would attack her from three different sides, hoping that one of them could get past Berserker so that they could kill her. Of course, it wouldn't work, Berserker would repel them all even if she made sure to have them hold back, but it would have been entertaining to see them try it anyway. Then she would have had Berserker kill them just when they realize how futile it had been to begin with and tried to run away.

When they didn't even attack at all she had to admit she was surprised. Nonetheless, it was just as – or perhaps even more amusing – to see them bicker amongst themselves. It wasn't even about their strategy or the battle itself; if anything, Rider seemed to be picking on Lancer. It was so hilarious that she decided not to have Berserker kill them while they were distracted, instead choosing to see how their conversation played out.

She wasn't disappointed.

Lancer, as overly defensive as he was, eventually had enough of Rider's teasing and decided to bring an end to it once and for all… by kissing Saber.

It must have been a good kiss too, Ilya noted; though she couldn't see much with her angle (Lancer's back covered most of what happened between him and Saber), Saber herself seemed to go weak in the knees as it happened. It even took Saber a few moments before she found the strength to push Lancer away and though she slapped Lancer hard enough to leave the impression of a gauntlet on his face when Lancer stepped aside Ilya could clearly see a blush on the flustered knight.

"W-what do you think you're doing?" Saber asked in a flustered tone, brandishing her sword at Lancer.

"Proving my masculinity!" he said, rubbing his cheek. "I had to convince Rider that I like girls, after all!"

"By kissing me in the middle of a battle?"

"Technically, we haven't started the battle yet because you guys stopped me, remember? So in a way, it's your fault really."

Saber balled her hand into a fist and tried to hit Lancer again – this time he neatly backed away from her, getting out of arm's reach… and sword's reach as well, just in case.

"You… you couldn't have used Rider instead? She's the one that needed convincing, not me!"

"Well, it didn't seem right to kiss her," Lancer said, stroking his chin. "After all, she's trying to join Shirou's harem, right Rider?" he continued, glancing over to the woman.

Rider nodded, just as she secured her mask back in place, glad that she had taken it off to watch. "Yes," she said with a smile. "Though, I'm not trying to join," she corrected, wagging a finger at Lancer.

"Ah," Lancer said with a laugh. "Of course, my mistake, I'm sorry about that."

"Just don't make that mistake again."

Saber's eye twitched. "That's not the issue here! It still could have been anybody else!"

"Not really," he began, thinking that it had been the logical conclusion. "I couldn't just go over there and kiss the enemy master, after all. She's too young for my tastes anyway. Caster's not here either, so she's out of the picture. You were the only one left."

For some reason, Saber felt really insulted by that comment. Still… "That didn't mean I'd be fine with it!"

Lancer froze, as if it were only now that he understood what he had done wrong. "Ah, of course," he said, his eyes widening in horror. He had done something absolutely unforgivable… crossed a line he shouldn't have. "How could I possibly forget," he said, as he looked down at his hands. On one hand, five fingers were raised; in the other, only one. "The counter was six."

He had nearly stolen a member of his master's harem. Of course, he thought it would be inevitable, what with his dashing good looks and naturally magnetic personality, but to think he would initiate it himself…

That wasn't very bro-like at all. "I'll need to apologize to Shirou," he muttered to himself.

"Apologize to me!"

By that point, Ilya couldn't take hold it in anymore and broke out into laughter. Trying to remain dignified, she attempted to hold up a hand to her mouth – before finding that measure completely inadequate. Soon, she was doubled over in laughter, finishing only when she noticed Saber throwing a dirty look at her.

"Is there something funny, Ilyasviel?" Saber yelled, waving her sword threateningly at Ilya, not that it intimidated the girl much.

"Of course," Ilya said haughtily, with her hands firmly on her hips. "It's not every day I see the legendary King Arthur get so embarrassed over a kiss."

"Hey," Lancer said, rubbing his head. "I'm not that embarrassed… and I'm not King Arthur either. I'm not even British!"

"Not you," Ilya said with a smirk, raising a hand so she could point a finger at the knight. "I mean Saber."

"…what?" Lancer and Rider said in unison.

Lancer looked over to Saber, and after a moment of studying her he blinked. That was a bit of a ridiculous accusation, wasn't it? "Ilyasviel," he said, raising a brow. "It's possible you may have had a sheltered life… but weren't you ever taught the difference between boys and girls?"

"Come now," Ilya said, insulted by the accusation that she hadn't had that simplest bit of education. "Do you take me for a fool?"

"Well, you did just call our friend Saber here a king. She might give off a regal air occasionally, but as Assassin would say," Lancer said, doing his best impression of the samurai as he could. "'The proper terminology for female royalty would be a queen.'"

"I know that," Ilya said, rolling her eyes. "Still – there is no doubt that that knight over there is King Arthur."

"Just how can you be so sure?" Rider asked, understanding that the truth behind legends was occasionally… different from how it was told. After all, she was one such misunderstanding. Besides, it was easy to see why someone would make that mistake. Saber happened to be, for lack of a better term, flat.

"It's simple, really," Ilya explained cheerfully. "You see, we summoned her in the last war."

"No, there's no way that can be true," Lancer said, shaking his head. There was a limit to how blind people could be in any era; mistaking a girl as their King, that just couldn't be right. There was no way they could have done that.

Unless… he was the one who was mistaken from the start. He had assumed that Saber was a girl, but he had never really taken a close enough look at her…

No. He wouldn't accept it. He couldn't accept it. There was no way that Saber had a penis. Absolutely no way.

"Come on," Lancer pleaded, turning to Saber. "Say something!"

Saber turned to meet Lancer's gaze, before casting her eyes downward. "No," she said after a moment, deciding that it was pointless to lie to Lancer. Ilyasviel would be their only enemy, and she already knew. "It's the truth. I was the King of Britain."

Lancer dropped his spear in shock, falling to his knees. "Th-then that means I just kissed a King," he said as he shook his head, trying to deny the truth.

"If it makes you feel any better, I'm no longer a king," Saber said.

It didn't make Lancer feel better. At all.

Rider smirked. It seemed Lancer didn't realize Saber was a girl… but rather than correct him, she was going to milk it for all it was worth. "So, Lancer," she said. "I suppose that did prove what kind of man you are after all."

Lancer slowly turned his head towards Rider, his complexion far paler than it had been before. "No… that's not… that was a mistake! A double – no, a triple mistake!"

"Hold on a second," Saber said, tossing a nasty look at him. "A moment ago you were fine with me!" Sure, she hadn't been fine with it, but seeing him get so worked over the fact that she had been a king struck a blow to her ego.

"That was before I knew you were a man!"

"I am neither a man nor a woman," Saber replied indignantly. "I am simply a sword for our master, to be used however he wishes."

"A sword for our master," Lancer repeated to himself, as his eyes trailed down her. For some reason, the phrase bothered him – and he didn't realize why until his gaze reached her waist. "The harem counter is six…Shit, I've got to warn Shirou!"

"H-hey," Saber said, turning to the side. "Just where do you think you're looking? And what do you intend to warn him about? And what do you mean, harem counter?"

"Don't act innocent with me, Saber," Lancer said, realizing that he still felt the warmth of Saber's lips on his lips… and the taste of – oh god. "I know all about the trap! The trap you've set for him!"

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Saber said, throwing her hands up in the air. "You're not making any sense at all!"

"No, you don't make any sense!" Lancer said.

"Frankly," a voice beside them said – this time a man's. "Neither of you are making any sense at all."

Saber and Lancer blinked, finally looking away from each other enough to realize that they were no longer in the park. Instead, they found themselves back home in the Emiya Residence – surrounded by the other servants, Shirou, and his two classmates… all of whom were staring at them.

"Go ahead, though," Archer continued, sipping a cup of tea. "Keep going. Whatever you guys were talking about seems interesting."

XXX

Time seemed to freeze. Lancer couldn't help but wonder if they knew if Saber had been a king or worse yet that he had kissed Saber. Saber herself was confused and, for reasons she couldn't explain, embarrassed – too embarrassed to speak actually. So, it was up to Rider to ask the question that was on all of their minds.

"So…" Rider said, looking to Shirou. "How did we get here?"

"Caster said I could summon you with the command seals," Shirou answered – rolling up his sleeve to reveal that only fifteen of them were left on his arm. "To be honest, I'm surprised none of you brought it up before."

"Ah," Saber said uncomfortably. "I… suppose it slipped my mind. Forgive me. If we had explained it to you sooner you could have used it to summon the rest of your servants to fight Berserker instead of using it to escape."

Shirou laughed weakly, deciding not to tell her he had no intention of fighting Ilya if he could avoid it. "Well, I'm glad to see you guys are alright at least. You didn't get hurt fighting with Berserker, did you?"

"I can't believe I missed the fight," Assassin grumbled, crossing his arms. "It must have been a battle of epic proportions, right? If only I could have been there!"

"I don't think you missed much," Archer said, grinning. "If I had to hazard a guess, it sounds like they were too preoccupied with other things to fight him."

"That's exactly correct." Rider nodded, exchanging understanding grins to one another. Even if Archer didn't know the full situation, he knew something had happened. And, like her, he seemed more than willing to tease people about it.

Lancer felt his face become pale again, wondering how much that damnable Archer knew. If Archer brought up the kiss with Saber, Lancer wasn't sure if he would ever be able to live it down. Then, of course, there was Rider, who would probably bring it up carelessly if he didn't do anything.

He had to take control of this situation!

"Y-yes," Lancer said, nervously running a hand through his hair. "We found out that Ilya knew Saber's real identity. You guys won't guess who this guy really is, Ki-"

"King Arthur, right?" Archer interrupted, to the surprise of everyone.

"You're joking," Assassin said, looking at Saber. "How could she possibly be the legendary King of Knights?"

"It's a complicated story," Saber said, deciding to finally sit down. "But I assure you, I was the King Arthur in the legends. But," she continued, throwing a puzzled look at Archer. "How did you know me, Archer?"

Archer smirked at her – but, just as Shirou expected him to, he simply shrugged without actually answering her question at all. "Who knows," he said. "Maybe all of you make it so entirely obvious just who it is you are? A baby still learning how to walk could probably figure it out."

"Is that so?" Caster said, glancing at Archer. "Then… you would know who I am?"

"Yes, Medea," he said. "You even called yourself a witch earlier, remember?"

"Ah," Caster said, nodding. "That I did. I'm impressed, if you figured it out from just that."

"Well, not just that," Archer admitted. "But, that's my own little secret."

Shirou rolled his eyes. He was onto Archer and his 'little secret,' and someday soon Shirou was going to make the damn psychic bastard slip up and reveal his mind reading ability.

"Okay," Lancer said, annoyed that Archer had so easily beaten his challenge – even if it hadn't been intended as such in the first place. "So you guessed Saber's and Caster's identity. That doesn't mean anything. I bet you don't know who I am."

Archer looked at Lancer, examining the other knight class servant with an investigative gaze. Lancer simply stood smugly, sure that there was no way for Archer to figure out who he was. And, apparently, Lancer was right.

"You're correct," Archer said, yet despite his "defeat," he grinned. "I don't recognize you at all. You must not have been that important."

Somehow, Lancer felt he was the one that was losing. "Hey now," he said defensively. "Just because you don't know who I am doesn't mean I wasn't amazing! It's your own fault for being ignorant of my legend."

Archer rolled his eyes, shrugging. "Right, because everybody should know about the guy who runs about in a blue leotard, trying to thrust his long, thick spear into any 'worthy opponent' that he can find."

Lancer's eye twitched, and for a moment he considered trying to stab Archer for that comment. "Like I told Rider, this outfit was designed for maximum mobility in a fight! And this spear is made for killing people, not whatever you're thinking!"

"Right, right," Archer said with a chuckle. "And that's why it's called 'gay bulge', right?" In the background, Rider pumped a fist in the air, mentioning something about being right.

"No, its name is Gáe Bolg, get it right!" Lancer said, waving his spear threateningly at Archer. Then, all of a sudden, he froze as he realized what it was Archer had just said. "You… I hate you so much, you know that, right?"

"So wait," Rin said, impressed with Archer's deductive abilities. "You know who everybody is?"

"More or less," Archer admitted. "Though," he continued, eyes glancing over to Rider, "I'm sure a couple of us have reasons for not wanting their true identity to be revealed."

"I take that means you're not going to reveal who you are?" Shirou asked curiously.

"No."

XXX

Saber was concerned about Archer. There were plenty of reasons to be, after all. It was one thing for him to know who one of them was – maybe two of them. However, they came from such wildly different backgrounds it was impossible for him to be able to recognize all of them from his personal life. Even Caster wouldn't have been able to use her magic to figure out their identities as easily as he did, and he refused to reveal who he was himself. Normally, that wouldn't have been a problem except he was also the one that seemed the least interested in actually helping their master.

Whatever his motives were, it troubled Saber.

Still, there was another issue she had to worry about: Namely her Master's safety.

"Shirou," she said, focusing on the issue they should have addressed long ago. "Ilya found you today and would have killed you if we hadn't shown up. Even you can't deny that you can't go without an escort."

Shirou rubbed the back of his head, trying to come up with some counterargument that he hadn't used before. "You know you guys can't come to school. That means you too, Rider," he said, glancing over to the masked servant. "You guys stand out way too much."

"Then skip school," Saber said, pounding her hand on the table. "What's more important to you – your life or your education?"

"This is my life," Shirou argued, crossing his arms. "If I skip school, it's going to cause trouble for everyone around me."

"If Ilya finds you again, you'll be dead and that will cause a lot more trouble for you, Shirou."

"She has a point," Rin said, stroking her chin. Though it was hard for her to believe Shirou really did summon six servants, he was definitely still in danger. In fact, if what she heard from Shirou directly was correct, he had been in danger even before he had summoned his servants. "Going to school alone is dangerous, Shirou."

"What are you talking about, Rin," Luvia said with a huff. "Shirou isn't going to be alone with school – he'll have the two of us there as well."

"That's all well and good," Rin said, not surprised at all that Luvia volunteered the two of them to protect him. "But we don't stand a chance against a servant. We laid a trap, and it didn't even leave a scratch on him or his master."

"You've got a point," Luvia admitted sadly, seeing her chance at monopolizing Shirou during school hours begin to disappear. Nonetheless, she wasn't about to give it up just yet. "But – he could always summon his servants if Ilya appears. He still has fifteen command seals, right?"

"He only has fifteen command seals left," Assassin said, closing his eyes. "And… that's only if he has an opportunity to use them. If he was ambushed, we might not be able to retrieve him in time. Saber is right; it's safer if he doesn't go to school."

"There's bound to be a compromise, somewhere, right?" Shirou asked, "Some way for me to still go to school, without endangering myself."

"I just don't see how it's possible, Shirou," Saber said, shaking her head. "We don't know when Ilya will strike – but at least here we can prepare for an attack."

"…actually," Caster said, timidly raising her hand. "I think there might be a way. That is, if you don't mind."

Everybody in the room turned to Caster, and listened to what plan it was she had.

"I have a feeling that there's so many ways for this plan to go wrong," Shirou said tiredly, already going through several different scenarios with things blowing up in the background for some reason.

"I think it's pretty interesting," Rider said cheerfully.

"It's probably safer for you to stay anyway," Saber said, frowning. "But you don't really have many other options if you want to keep going to school, Shirou. This is an acceptable compromise in my book."

"Oh fine," Shirou said, sighing. Even he could tell that this was the best he was going to get out of them. "Just… try not to do anything too reckless, okay?"

"We'll do our best, Shirou," Assassin said, flashing a reassuring smile to his master.

"That's… exactly what I'm afraid of."

"What's the worst that could happen?" Archer asked. If Shirou didn't know any better, the bastard was intentionally tempting fate.

"Well then, Luvia and I will be off then," Rin said, standing up. At the same time, she grabbed the blond girl's arm, pulling her up as well.

"Eh?" Luvia asked, as she was forced to stand too. "Why should we leave?"

"Well," Rin said, thinking back to Taiga and Sakura – Shirou's most common guests. "Other people will be coming soon. Besides, we have our own preparations to make, right Luvia?"

"What preparations?" Luvia asked, blinking.

"You'll understand," Rin said. "Caster's plan seems sound, but we should be prepared on our end too, right?"

Caster nodded. "That would be very helpful," she said. "Thank you for taking care of our master."

"Oh, ah," Luvia said, unsure how to deal with the gratitude before eventually accepting it with a smile. It seemed that unlike Rider, Caster didn't appear like she would be in direct competition with her. "Well – that's no trouble at all, really."

"Yes, yes," Rin said, before Luvia could spout something embarrassing like how she would love to take care of Shirou forever or something equally stupid. "Now, let's go."

"Fine, fine. I can walk on my own, you know!"

With that, the two girls left.

Shirou looked around at his other servants, feeling like he had forgotten something.

"Ah – it's almost time for dinner! I better get things ready," he said, standing up. Sure, Archer may have stolen the chance to make breakfast from him when he was distracted this morning, but this time…

"Don't worry about cooking anything; I already took care of it."

…things would go exactly the same way.

Shirou turned his head slowly, eventually coming face to face with Archer who was reclining back in his chair – smugly smirking at his master. It was only then that Shirou noticed that the man had been wearing his apron, but…

"Hold on," Shirou said, pointing at Archer. "How is that even possible? Caster and Assassin only brought back the groceries when I arrived too!"

"Ah," Archer said. "That's for tomorrow's meals."

"Damn it, Archer."

XXX

Berserker remained by his master's side. Even though the enemy servants had long since disappeared, a new, more dangerous enemy had shown up in their place. He couldn't move. He would not move. He needed to protect his master at all costs.

"Berserker," the dangerous foe said with her hands on her hips as she glared at him. "Move."

She was not his master, but his body was compelled to obey her voice. It was a frightening power she held, but…he had to resist for Ilya's sake. The moment he displayed an opening, her master would be defeated. He had to protect her at all costs.

He did not move… yet, at the same time, he dared not attack her.

"Berserker," she repeated, this time in a stronger tone that caused even Berserker's madness to shrink back a little from fright. "Step aside."

"Don't listen to her, Berserker!" Ilya pleaded. "She's an enemy, an enemy!"

"Lady Ilyasviel," the voice said, in that angry mother sort of tone that would cause anybody to quiver in fear. "Do you know what time it is?"

"…no?"

"Do you know how long you were out?"

"It doesn't feel like it's been that long," Ilya said softly, still hiding behind Berserker.

"Eight hours. Without permission, I might add," Sella said, tapping her foot impatiently.

"But I was trying to kill an enemy master, you see!"

"Oh?" Sella said, narrowing her eyes at her. "So tell me, have you won Heaven's Feel yet?"

"Not yet…"

"Then tell me, what were you doing all this time?"

"I-investigating."

Sella rolled her eyes. "Really, young lady… when did you start becoming so delinquent? First that lie about Kiritsugu's son summoning six servants, and now you're out playing around worrying Leysritt and me."

"But it's true!" Ilya protested. "Onii-chan really did-"

"Enough of your excuses," Sella said, with a glare so sharp that it could cut through Berserker's God Hand. "Tonight I'll be sure to properly reeducate you. Berserker, pick Lady Ilyasviel up. We're going home."

Berserker hesitated for a moment, torn between his loyalty to Ilya and his fear of Sella. However, when Sella shot him another mean look that seemed to take away a couple of his lives, he knew that there were some enemies you simply did not oppose.

"W-what? Berserker, what are you doing?" Ilya asked, as she flailed helplessly in the air when Berserker picked her up by the back of her jacket. "I'm your master, not her! You're supposed to listen to me!"

He could only hope that, within due time, his master could forgive him for this betrayal.

ringlhach
April 13th, 2011, 04:06 AM
Poor Lancer. Rider is hilarious as ever.

Sella's gonna shit bricks when she finds out.

giodan
April 13th, 2011, 04:37 AM
ahahhahahahahahah!!!!!!!!!1 oh god!!! saber and lancer vere too funny!!!!

Certis Baliano
April 13th, 2011, 04:40 AM
This is my favourite chapter as of yet.

Keyne
April 13th, 2011, 05:37 AM
Archer is such a troll. I liek.

amado
April 13th, 2011, 07:23 AM
this fic is hilarious. I hope you keep doing this.


Good boy Berserker! As expected of one of the most loyal characters in the Type-Moon universe!

...so much for loyalty now.

Hermitfold
April 13th, 2011, 09:31 AM
Oh God, this chapter was brilliant. Archer's trolling was awesome.

al103
April 13th, 2011, 10:45 AM
Oh God, this chapter was brilliant. Archer's trolling was awesome.
Now if Archer and Rider would have babies...

Ergast
April 13th, 2011, 12:12 PM
They would be AWESOME trollbabies

Not even Kotomine in his prime would outtroll them.

Hell, Archer almost troll myself. I hardlyt couldn manage to hold the laughts in class >_<

Also, Shirou's Harem counter: 6, and increasing.

bakapervert
April 13th, 2011, 12:46 PM
lol. Gay bulge. It's really good joke. Poor Lancer. To be the butt end of so many innuendo. He is going to commit suicide at this rate.

Keyne
April 13th, 2011, 12:56 PM
http://img576.imageshack.us/img576/2065/fatehollowataraxia266.jpg

http://img593.imageshack.us/img593/9960/fatestaynight171c.jpg

Imagine the children. Do you hate Archer for something, Ergast?

meevanhelot
April 13th, 2011, 12:58 PM
Why would you not hate Archer?

Ruca_Milda
April 13th, 2011, 12:58 PM
I lol'd on this chapter, way too much. AWESOME

Keyne
April 13th, 2011, 01:08 PM
Why would you not hate Archer?

I dislike him, but he's decent when he's not an asshole.

meevanhelot
April 13th, 2011, 01:26 PM
So he's never decent.

Glad we cleared that up.

mangafreak7793
April 13th, 2011, 01:58 PM
Hahahah, very great now we need Saber,Caster and Rin competing more and the harem is complete or maybe attract the maids?

Keyne
April 13th, 2011, 02:03 PM
Saber won't even have to try.

Shirou bones his Sword quite often. :3

Neir
April 13th, 2011, 02:18 PM
I especially enjoyed the 'bro-like' comment. And Berserker is still awesome. I would be interested in Saber x Lancer, seeing as Rider clearly has the upper hand on the Shirou front.

Keyne
April 13th, 2011, 02:20 PM
Saber x Lancer? Haha... yeah, he won't want to be near her now.

Neir
April 13th, 2011, 02:32 PM
I was imagining a Pregnant Servants like scenario.

Keyne
April 13th, 2011, 02:35 PM
I was imagining a Pregnant Servants like scenario.

Blasphemy.

Certis Baliano
April 13th, 2011, 02:39 PM
http://i.imgur.com/5GnDX.png

Keyne
April 13th, 2011, 02:41 PM
http://i.imgur.com/5GnDX.png

Rin still hasn't cleaned her monthly bleeding from the walls. Hahah.

Hoster
April 13th, 2011, 03:25 PM
Lancer, you got served.

This Fic is the best thing ever...


Imagine the children.

Let's see...

A; Master-mind tentacle monsters-in-training that has Mystic Eyes of Awesome, cursing anyone they look at with suprising amounts of badass. They enjoy trolling when they are not saving damsels in distress or shagging royalties left and right, or both.

B; Twins(or more?) that look exactly like, or extreamely similar to, Medusa. Anyone they look at become extreamely horny for some reason. Likes teasing people, especially people they care about, and are very caring and protective of others. Heroines/idols during their school life, kickass detectives/agents later on. Would dance around even their father in the kitchen.

Grant
April 13th, 2011, 03:31 PM
So he's never decent.

Glad we cleared that up.

He's an interesting deconstruction of heroes...and he can be a jerk to his younger self. Sorta like that older sibling you absolutely hated with the fiery passion of a thousand nuclear missiles aimed at their head. Not that I would know anything about that of course.


Rin still hasn't cleaned her monthly bleeding from the walls. Hahah.


That's from Kotomine stabbing her. Part of a fairly funny comic.

Keyne
April 13th, 2011, 03:32 PM
*looks a the descriptions*

*looks at the cgs*

*looks at the descriptions again*

http://img69.imageshack.us/img69/7813/hurrhurrs.png


That's from Kotomine stabbing her. Part of a fairly funny comic.
I know that series very well. :3

SeiKeo
April 13th, 2011, 03:38 PM
Lancer:

http://friendsoftheprogram.net/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/its-a-trap.jpg

Hoster
April 13th, 2011, 03:41 PM
http://img69.imageshack.us/img69/7813/hurrhurrs.png

That finger man, that finger...


Now, more importantly, do I sense a school girl Saber coming up this next chapter?

Keyne
April 13th, 2011, 03:44 PM
Now, more importantly, do I sense a school girl Saber coming up this next chapter?
Why is that? :O

Hoster
April 13th, 2011, 03:55 PM
I dunno, something about it being Caster's idea, and about Shirou not liking it and asking them not to be reckless.

I might be imagining things though.

Erlkonig
April 13th, 2011, 04:48 PM
Now Lancer knows how Gilgamesh felt when he met Enkidu.

MrTags
April 13th, 2011, 04:53 PM
"Oww why is this jerk stopping me from getting laid and punching me in the face?"

That "first meeting with Enkidu"?

Erlkonig
April 13th, 2011, 04:55 PM
"Oww why is this jerk stopping me from getting laid and punching me in the face?"

That "first meeting with Enkidu"?

No, the presumed "It's a trap!" version. Since, ya know, Enkidu was pictured as a trap on strange fake.

Ergast
April 13th, 2011, 06:23 PM
Imagine the children. Do you hate Archer for something, Ergast?

Me hating Achaa? U MAD?

Nah, I was thinking more in the lines of this Raida

http://fc01.deviantart.net/fs16/f/2007/176/a/f/Rider___Fate_Stay_Night_by_p997tt.jpg

Now, imagine the babies

Keyne
April 14th, 2011, 02:14 AM
Dis Laida and dat Laida r da saem Laida! Ur Awchuh babeis wil b fugly. :3

ItsaRandomUsername
April 14th, 2011, 02:19 AM
Trap!Saber made me LOL.

RacingeR
April 14th, 2011, 02:28 AM
This last chapter was pure gold, i was laughing the entire time while reading it.

Keyne
April 14th, 2011, 02:34 AM
You didn't run out of air? D:

Anyway, imo Archer makes this chapter funny. I'll stuck with that.

Ergast
April 15th, 2011, 02:37 AM
Dis Laida and dat Laida r da saem Laida! Ur Awchuh babeis wil b fugly. :3

U defanitaly MAD. uman Raida iz pwetty. Monsta Raida is fugly. Fic Raida is uman Raida.

Keyne
April 15th, 2011, 02:52 AM
U defanitaly MAD. uman Raida iz pwetty. Monsta Raida is fugly. Fic Raida is uman Raida.

No u.

99ya
April 15th, 2011, 12:33 PM
Crack Fic is cracking me up.

Mereo Flere
April 18th, 2011, 05:29 AM
"What if (Almost) Everybody was Shirou's Servant" By Mereo Flere

XXX

Emiya Shirou should have known something was wrong when he awoke to find that only Caster remained in the house. The others, she explained, had gone ahead of Shirou to the school, to prepare themselves for the role they would have to play. Most, it seemed, were going to be taught how to play the part by Luvia and Rin, though it seemed that Archer insisted that he would have no trouble at all fitting in. Shirou didn't doubt him either; that guy, despite the way he could annoy people around him, seemed unnaturally capable…

To the point that that bastard had still beat him to the punch cooking breakfast. Archer had even prepared boxed lunches for everyone, and had calculated how many groceries Assassin and Caster bought yesterday to make sure there was absolutely nothing left in the fridge when Archer was finished. Speaking of yesterday's groceries, he wondered where Archer had found the cash to pay for that; at the very least it hadn't been taken out of his account or his wallet.

"I better not think about it," he muttered to himself. "It would probably just give me a headache anyway."

Needless to say, breakfast would be a small gathering today. Only the usual group plus Caster, it seemed. Perhaps that was a good thing; Archer, that bastard, had "accidentally" stumbled upon Kiritsugu's secret stash that even Shirou hadn't known about, and "forgot" to put it away when Taiga came. It was then that she got the brilliant idea to drink to the old man's memory, in an attempt to get Shirou's new associates wasted and share some stories.

Unfortunately, the only people who she managed to get drunk were Lancer, who seemed all too eager to drinking some sort of problem away, and Rider, who was eager to try the present era's liquor. Assassin and Saber abstained, while Caster only had enough to get tipsy and Archer… well, he just sat back and watched the mayhem unfold.

Rider, it seemed, was really grabby when she was inebriated. As for Lancer, he was mostly harmless – that is until Rider teased him about his masculinity; not the first time it had happened either it seemed, judging by how the conversation had gone. It was then that Lancer, rising to her challenge, grabbed the closest woman next to him and pulled her into a deep kiss.

Saber, without the pressure of Rider's curse on her, was able to easily break free of Lancer's hold this time – though not before he was able to cop a feel. When he realized exactly who it was he kissed when Saber pushed him away, he could only look at her with confusion. Before he could ask why it was she had a pair (even if they were on the small side) after all, however, Saber knocked him out with a solid uppercut to the chin before stomping off furiously to bed.

It would probably be awkward for those two for the next couple of days, Shirou guessed, and they probably left early to avoid each other. Still, at least it would mean he wouldn't have to listen to Saber argue that it would still be safer not to go to school, or get teased by Lancer about his so called harem. Of course, that didn't explain where Assassin and Archer went, but…

He sure those two would probably be just fine.

XXX

Archer hadn't known what to think when he had been summoned by his past self… let alone when he was summoned alongside five other servants at the same time. The original plan had been to kill his past self and create a paradox that would remove him from the throne of heroes, but…

At some point, he found it was more satisfying messing with everybody. He could kill Shirou at any time, but he doubted he would ever find a chance to play around like this again. In this world, he had even found a chance to relive his high school days – something that many people would no doubt wish for themselves. Though he tried not to show it on the outside, he was a little excited for this opportunity; he had many regrets about the path he had chosen, and not having fun while he was young was one of them.

There were, of course, a few problems. For one thing, Ilya was in danger; the other servants would always focus on her in a fight since there would be no way to defeat Berserker directly, but Archer could never bring himself to attack her directly. Then there was the fact that certain things in this universe were different… Archer had never expected to see Luvia in Fuyuki, for instance. Finally, Gilgamesh was still probably out there. He hadn't shown up yet, but Archer was sure that if Gilgamesh existed in this world he eventually would appear before them; it was only a matter of time.

For now, though, he would enjoy school life again… that is, if the potion of youth Caster had given him worked as it should.

Sneaking into the student council room, he closed the door behind him – satisfied that there was nobody here who would see him. Assassin and Saber may have left earlier than he had, but he doubted either of them would barge in here.

He opened the thermos Caster had given him, staring at the bubbling black contents as he thought back to how it had given Rider the appearance of a younger, smaller girl. There was no doubt that it would work, but he simply couldn't risk the chance that he would look exactly like Shirou if he drank this; not when other people were around.

Ideally, he would keep the body enhancement he received when he made a contract with the world, along with his hair and complexion, but he would be satisfied as long as he just looked different enough from Shirou that nobody would recognize the similarities.

"Well, this is it," Archer said, raising the thermos to his lips. With a deep breath, he closed his eyes and drank the potion. Almost immediately, he felt his body start to shrink. The clothes he wore slowly started to get looser and looser, just as he expected them to.

…then, something strange happened. He couldn't explain it, but his body began to feel different from any other time in his life. The weight was… off in certain places. It wasn't much, but he could already tell that something had gone wrong, even before the effects had finished.

"Maybe it's just my imagination," he muttered to himself. "Something like that couldn't really happen, right?"

That's right. Something like that could only happen in a manga or a visual novel game. Even then, it would only happen to the protagonist, which he was pretty sure he wouldn't qualify for anymore. Caster wouldn't make that sort of mistake either; it shouldn't even be possible!

"That's right," he reassured himself, smiling to himself. "I'm just getting worried over nothing."

With a nod, he tried to cross his arms over his chest… only to find that something had gotten in the way. The sense of dread he had been trying to ignore immediately came back in full force and, after a minute of denial, he slowly opened his eyes and looked down.

XXX

"You know, Caster," Shirou said, as he went about setting the dishes for the table. "I'm impressed. I didn't know you could make a potion of youth. You're pretty amazing."

Caster smiled at the compliment, before deciding to correct him. "It's not actually a potion of youth," she admitted shyly. "To be honest, I created a set of transformation potions: Three to give the drinker the body of a young man, and another three to give the drinker the body of a younger woman."

"That's still pretty impressive," Shirou said, whistling appreciatively. He couldn't imagine anybody of the current era who could do that. Of course, his understanding of magic was pretty limited, but she managed something like that in a single night with little preparation.

"Thank you," Caster said. "If only Saber thought the same way."

Shirou blinked. "Did she have a problem with it?"

"…just a small one," Caster said with a weak laugh, holding up her hand to her face while she concealed a blush. "I accidentally gave her the wrong one."

"…"

"Don't worry!" Caster said, holding up her hands. "She actually didn't change all that much. Please don't tell her I said that," she added after a short pause.

Shirou sighed. Already something had gone wrong. It wasn't exactly a good way to start the day. "Wait a second," Shirou said, blinking as he realized something. "Didn't you say you only made three of each potion?"

"Yes," Caster said.

"And, you said Assassin and Lancer already took theirs, right?"

"Yes."

"And nothing went wrong, right?"

Caster shook her head. "They both turned into teenage men as planned," Caster said as she tilted her head. "Is there a problem I'm not aware of?"

Shirou thought about it for a moment… before smiling. "No. There's no problem at all. You've done a wonderful job, Caster."

"Thank you Shirou."

XXX

Assassin had been touring the school campus when he heard a young girl's scream. It wasn't a terrified "my life is in danger, somebody save me" sort of scream, but more of a scared "what the hell did I do to deserve this" kind instead. Still, he wasn't the type to ignore what could be a plea for help so he walked down the hall to its source. Eventually, he reached the room where the student council apparently met, and heard someone's panicked mutterings from within.

For a moment, he entertained the thought of just opening the door and asking what was wrong. He knew better than that, however; Lancer might make that sort of mistake, and Rider would probably do it on purpose, but he understood that in this era you were supposed to knock first. Not doing so would lead to embarrassing situations like walking in on a girl while she was in the middle of getting dressed. Of course, there were also specific places people were supposed to change in this school called "locker rooms" – which this wasn't, so the chances of that particular event were slim.

Still, it was better to be safe – and courteous – than sorry.

He knocked on the door three times. "Are you having any trouble?" he asked. He wasn't sure if he could do anything to help, but it wouldn't hurt to try to ingratiate himself with the heads of the student body.

"Assassin?" an unfamiliar voice asked.

The samurai blinked. How odd, for someone to know his name… or servant class, as it were. "Is… is that you, Saber? Or maybe Rider?"

On the other side of the room, Assassin could hear the distinctive sound of someone slapping herself on her forehead. "Ahaha," the voice said, clearly feeling nervous about something. "Who are Rider and Saber? And, for that matter, who are you as well? I don't know any of you people!"

"I'm Assassin," the samurai said dryly. "You know, the person you just addressed by name a moment ago."

"I have no idea what you're talking about. Now go away, there is nothing suspicious going on here."

"You know, that's exactly the last thing you want to say to get people to go away."

"…j-just go away!"

On one hand, Assassin could leave. As far as he could tell, it wasn't Ilyasviel on the other side of the door. On the other hand, something was clearly going on – and, if he focused his senses, he could tell there was a servant on the other side, probably even the person that was speaking to him.

But… that couldn't be right. There were only supposed to be seven servants, and none of them sounded like the girl here. Admittedly, he had never heard Berserker speak, but somehow he couldn't imagine that hulking figure to have a voice of a cute high school girl.

Really, it was his duty to investigate.

"Now I definitely have to see what's going on," Assassin declared, reaching for the knob.

"No, wait!" the voice protested, scrambling to blockade the door. But it was already too late; the door swung open. All the girl would manage to do was tackle Assassin as soon as he stepped inside, sending the both of them tumbling into the hallway.

It took a moment for Assassin to regain his bearings. When he did, however, he noticed several things.

The first was that he had somehow landed on top of someone – a girl with long white hair and a tan complexion. The second was that the clothes she wore were far too loose for her; indeed, they seemed to be designed for a larger man. The third was that she wore no bra like many girls did in this era – a fact that had been confirmed when he realized his hand was firmly on her chest.

Time froze. The girl was still recovering herself, and probably didn't even notice the situation she was in. He knew that he needed to get off of her, to apologize before this became a real nightmare, but like a deer caught in headlights he couldn't move.

Suddenly, the girl opened her eyes – trying to get up but failing with Assassin on top of her. A moment of confusion passed before her eyes met his. Her face slowly turned red, and Assassin could feel her body start to shake in anger; it was then he wondered how things could get any worse.

"Ah," a familiar voice said beside them.

Both Assassin and the girl froze, slowly turning their heads towards their audience: Rider.

For an instant, Assassin hoped desperately that she couldn't see them – that that blindfold would hide the scene from her. Maybe she didn't understand what was going on…

That hope was dashed when Rider reached into the school bag she had been given by Luvia and pulled out a small rectangular device. Assassin felt his face start to pale as a small cylinder telescoped out of its main body, and it was then that Assassin realized that that device was called a "Camera."

-Click-

As soon as he saw the flash of light Assassin bolted up off the girl, flailing his hands in front of himself, trying to come up with an explanation. Unfortunately, an unconvincing, "This isn't what it looks like!" was all he could manage.

Rider smiled, paying his explanations no heed. Instead, she tilted her head towards the back of the camera. "Don't worry," she said, in a voice that didn't reassure Assassin at all. "The picture came out well."

It was then that Rider turned the device around – showing a small screen that captured the event in high depth digital quality.

"This," Assassin said, a sour expression on his face. "Is what they call 'blackmail' isn't it?"

"Technically, for it to be blackmail, I have to ask something from you first. I haven't done that yet."

The mysterious girl finally stood up – and Assassin feared that she might attack him for accidentally groping her. Instead, however, she seemed focused on Rider… thankfully.

"Y… you have to delete that!" the girl said, pointing a finger at the camera.

Rider tilted her head. "Why would I do that when I went through the bother of taking it in the first place?"

"Please! You can't let anybody see that!"

"No," Rider refused. "Besides," she added, pointing to the other girl's state of dress. "Shouldn't you be more worried about other things?"

As it turned out, the girl's clothes were looser on her than Assassin originally expected. It seemed that without a hand to hold them up her pants had fallen to the floor. The girl's face grew red with embarrassment, but before she could move to pull them up…

-Click-

…Rider snapped yet another picture.

"D-delete that one as well!"

"I absolutely won't."

XXX

In the end, the girl had dragged both Rider and Assassin into the student council room when they heard voices coming around the corner. Slamming the door shut and barricading the door with a table, it was hard to tell if she simply wanted to prevent other people from walking in on her or prevent Rider and Assassin from leaving.

It was then that Assassin noticed something odd about the girl – or, rather, the way she dressed. Grabbing her by the wrist, he pulled her around – making sure to get a good view of the front of her outfit.

The girl, however, didn't really take too kindly to that. "What do you think you're doing?" she said, angrily. Pulling her arm free, she crossed her arms over her chest – that is until she remembered that she needed one hand to keep her pants up.

-Click-

"Stop doing that Rider!" the girl said, stomping her foot.

"Then you should stop acting so moe," Rider retorted.

Assassin ignored both of them, instead keeping his eyes focused on the girl. Then it hit finally hit him, the odd feeling the girl had been giving him since he had first gotten a look at her.

"You… you're Archer, aren't you?"

The girl froze, eyes widening in shock. "No… you're wrong," the girl said dramatically. "I'm actually…"

"Archerko?" Rider helpfully provided.

"Yes, Archerko!" the girl said with a nod. "No, wait, that's not what I mean! That's not who I am at all!" she quickly corrected herself, flailing her arms around in a panic.

-Click-

"Will you stop that already?"

"Absolutely not, Archerko."

"I'm not-"

Assassin sighed, raising up a hand to cut Archer off. "Let's face it," the samurai said. "You're not fooling anyone. Even the person wearing a mask over their eyes can see you're Archer."

Archer grit her teeth, before giving up. Maybe if it were Lancer or Saber he could probably trick them, but… "Okay," she said, hanging her head in defeat. "I am Archer. Something went wrong when I drank the potion, it seemed."

"I don't see any problems," Rider said, smiling. "You're perfectly cute the way you are."

"It's definitely causing problems for me!" Archer said, squeezing her newfound breasts together for emphasis. "Big problems! Huge problems! The biggest problems in the world!"

"Actually," Rider said, poking Archer in the chest – who immediately blushed and backed away. "They're not much bigger than Saber's."

"That's not the point here!"

"Calm down," Assassin said, looking away from the two of them, a blush on his face for some reason. "I'm sure there's a simple way to take care of this. These potions are supposed to wear off eventually, remember?"

"I don't want to wait for 'eventually!'" Archer said.

"Then why not just go back to Caster and get it fixed by her directly?"

Archer blinked. She hadn't thought of that, really. She was panicking too easily over this; it wasn't like her. "You're right," she said, relaxing a little. "There's still time, I can head back and…"

"Like that?" Rider asked.

Archer looked down at herself. Rider had a point; Archer couldn't just go outside like this. Still, all she had to do was trace some new clothes for her new body. "It's no problem," Archer said, "I'll figure something out."

"Absolutely not!" Rider said, shaking her head. "You should think carefully about your modesty, Archerko!"

Archer rolled her eyes, not bothering to correct Rider on her name. "You're the last person here who should talk about modesty, Rider."

"That is that and this is this," Rider said, crossing her arms. "Your character type should be more moe!"

"I don't want to be moe!"

"Your reluctance only makes you more moe!"

Archer wanted to cry a little, but refused simply because she knew that Rider would gush on about how it was cute or something. "This is karma, isn't it?"

"That depends," Assassin said, stroking his chin. "Have you done anything to deserve this?"

Archer stared at Assassin, before hanging her head. "…definitely karma."

XXX

Despite her better judgment, Archer decided to let Rider find some new clothes to wear. It wouldn't hurt keeping his ability to trace objects hidden from them a little longer after all. How bad could it possibly be to let Rider dress her, anyway?

"Here you go," Rider said, handing Archer a female uniform. "Sorry for the wait, Archerko."

Archer examined the uniform, making sure there was nothing strange about it. Despite her suspicion, it was entirely normal – no strange enchantments or designs worked into it at all. Still, something about it bothered her…

"Rider, where did you get this?" Archer asked curiously, looking up at her.

"It's Saber's uniform."

Archer raised a brow before looking back at the clothes she had been given. While it obviously could fit Archer herself, it did seem to be manufactured with someone slightly smaller in mind. "Won't she need this?" Archer asked. The last thing she needed was Saber chasing her down for stealing her uniform… though, it might have been worth it to see Saber forced to run after someone while Saber was wearing only her underwear.

Then again, considering how hard Saber had hit Lancer last night, Archer decided to err on the side of caution and stay on Saber's good side.

"Don't worry," Rider said with a wave of her hand. "She doesn't need it anymore."

"And just why is that?" Assassin asked. "Don't tell me something happened to her after I left."

Rider cupped her chin with a hand, before nodding. "In a way it did. It's nothing serious, though; you probably wouldn't even notice the change."

"The change?" Archer asked, even though she already had a sneaking suspicion on what had happened.

"Saber turned into a guy," Rider explained, as if that was an everyday occurrence. Then again, Archer had changed into a girl too.

Still, Archer blinked in surprise. "Wait – her too?"

"Him too," Assassin corrected. "Though I suppose that explains what happened to the both of you."

"How so?"

"You didn't pay attention to Caster's explanation of the potions, did you?"

"No," Archer sheepishly admitted, rubbing the back of her head. "It's supposed to make us younger, right?"

Assassin smiled weakly. "Not quite, Archer," he said, not sure how he was supposed to explain it. "You see, Caster made two types of potions. One was meant to turn people into teenage boys, and the other into teenage girls."

"…"

"I guess you and Saber must have had yours switched."

"…"

"Archer, are you going to say something?" Assassin asked, as he took a step back. "You're starting to scare me."

"…"

"…Archer?"

Rider stepped closer to the silver haired girl, poking her in the arm. However, when Archer gave no response, she decided to try a more vigorous approach to get Archer's attention.

-Grope-

"W-what do you think you're doing?" Archer said as she jumped away from Rider, arms crossed protectively over her chest.

"Waking you up," Rider explained.

"Then just shake me! Wave a hand in front of my face! Anything but that!"

Rider pursed her lips. "But it's not as fun…"

Archer's eye twitched. "I don't care if it's not fun!"

"Well, it felt nice didn't it?"

Archer blushed, but she immediately turned her head from Rider. "It felt weird," Archer said, technically being truthful.

"But in a good way, right?"

"Weird is weird!" Archer shouted, pumping her fists dramatically into the air. "So just don't do it!"

Assassin chuckled a little, but as entertaining as their conversation was, he couldn't help but feel obligated to point something out to Archer. "Not that I condone Rider's behavior," he said, though he certainly enjoyed it. "But shouldn't you be worried about something else, Archer?"

Archer blinked and her body tensed up as she realized what Assassin meant. Glancing at the clock in the room, she realized she was running out of time. School wouldn't officially start for at least another hour, but… "You're right – if I don't get there before Caster leaves then I'll be stuck like this until class is over!"

Panicking, Archer started to pull her shirt over her head, stopping when she remembered something important. "Ah… can you turn around?"

"Ah, sorry," Assassin apologized, turning around immediately. Rider, on the other hand, continued facing Archer.

"I meant you too, Rider," Archer said blandly.

"But I'm wearing a blindfold."

"I don't care," Archer said, knowing full well that she had a way of seeing through it.

"But we're both girls."

"I'm actually a guy!"

"Not right now, Archerko."

Archer rubbed her temples. She didn't have time for this. "Look, can you just please do this for me?"

Rider didn't say anything for a moment before finally giving Archer a nod. "Fine," she said, disappointed. With that, she turned around.

With a tired sigh, Archer began to undress and all seemed fine; neither of the other servants turned around. After a moment of cautious hesitation, she started to relax and put on her sailor uniform. It seemed that Rider would finally stop teasing her.

-Click-

Or not.

"Damn it Rider!"

"But you looked so cute. Besides, there's nothing in the shot that was explicit, so it's still a safe for work photo."

"As if I cared about that at all!"

Rider wouldn't stop. She would never stop as long as she was able to continue. Archer understood that now. Therefore, there was one option left to her: Retrieve the camera from Rider.

"Is there something wrong?" Rider asked, leaning forward a little.

"No, not really," Archer said cheerfully. "By the way, may I see that camera?"

"No," Rider said, sticking out her tongue. "You'll just delete the pictures."

"You have a point," Archer admitted, nodding her head sagely. Of course, it should have been obvious from the start that asking for it wouldn't work. "In that case," she said – before her arm shot out in an attempt to grab the camera.

It didn't work. Rider, sensing Archer's intent to attack from the beginning, easily raised the camera up above her head and outside the smaller girl's reach. Even when Archer tried to jump to make up for the difference in height, Rider simply stepped back – preventing Archer from grabbing it always at the last moment.

-Click-

"Damn it Rider!"

"It's your fault for being so moe."

Assassin coughed. "Archer," he said, grabbing her by her sleeve.

"What is it?" Archer asked, annoyed that her attempts at getting the camera were being halted.

"Can't you see she's just distracting you? If you keep this up, it'll soon be too late for you to change back before school starts."

"School isn't for another hour."

"But you need Caster to make you another potion to fix this problem, and she can't do that if she's already left the house, remember?"

Archer froze. She couldn't believe she had forgotten about that after realizing it the first time.

"Damn it, Rider!" she said, pointing an accusatory finger at Rider. "You… you planned this all along, didn't you?"

"…no?" Rider said innocently. It was technically true, too. Sure, she may have slipped Saber the wrong potion on purpose, but everything since then had been a wonderful coincidence.

For her at least. Maybe not so much for Archer.

XXX

After getting dressed, Archer practically ran out of the student council room, deciding that she had wasted enough time with all of Rider's antics. Sure, it was entertaining when she was messing with Lancer or even her past self, but she couldn't stand being the center of her attention.

At least now she was in the clear. All she had to do was get to Caster before she left the household with Shirou and she could get this fixed. Barring anything unforeseen happening to her along the way, this problem would soon go away.

Of course, Archer should have realized the universe wouldn't settle for such a clean solution.

Too distracted to pay attention to where she was going, Archer ran around one corner and crashed into someone for the second time that day. Tumbling head over heels with that person, she eventually landed on top of whoever it was – somehow managing to end up sitting on the other person's face. Her eyes went wide with fear, knowing that most people couldn't handle a collision the way they did in anime and manga; unlike Assassin and herself, ordinary humans tended to suffer injuries in these sort of accidents. Archer immediately bolted up off of the person, before kneeling back down to check on how they were.

"Are you alright?" Archer asked quickly, not really expecting an answer. Already, a plan was forming in her head on where to take the person if they were unconscious; a hospital would be the obvious solution, but since she was running low on time as it was she might just have to carry them to the household, leaving it up to Caster's healing magic to deal with. However, it turned out that it wouldn't be necessary.

"Y-yes," the person – a short blond boy in a middle school uniform – said a little shakily, obviously still rattled by the impact. Then he stood up, and smiled at Archer as if he wasn't hurt at all. "What about you? Are you okay, Onee-san?"

Archer sighed in relief. "Yes," she answered, smiling back at the boy. "Sorry about bumping into you. Are you sure you're not hurt?" she asked, just to be safe.

"No, it's my fault for not looking," the boy said with a bow. "And don't worry," the boy added, as he flexed an arm for her. "I'm stronger than I look. Something like this wouldn't even leave a scratch on me."

Archer blinked and looked closely – the boy was telling the truth. He had no scraped skin or any other signs that he had taken a fall, let alone took a tumble with someone eventually landing on their face. It was then, as Archer was examining him, that she realized the boy looked strangely familiar.

But no… it couldn't be. It couldn't be him. Archer just had to be imagining things. Sure, she expected him to still be in this world, to eventually appear before her… but not like this, and certainly not in this form. For one thing, making yourself younger was something only Caster should be capable of, right?

This… this couldn't be him. It absolutely couldn't.

"Is there something wrong, Onee-san?" the boy asked, leaning closer to her. "You're starting to get pale."

"It's… it's nothing," Archer quickly said, her voice wavering a little. To be honest, she had to be crazy, to even consider the possibility that such a nice boy could ever be that man. Still… if it would help settle her heart, it wouldn't hurt to clear things up. What did she have to lose by asking?

"By the way," she asked somewhat hesitantly, still afraid of hearing a certain answer – no matter how impossible it seemed. "May I ask what your name is?"

The boy blinked, before smiling at her. "Ah," the boy said, giving the question a moment of thought. "A lot of people call me Kogil, but my actual name is Gilgamesh. It's a pleasure to meet you, Onee-san."

-Thud-

"Onee-san? Onee-san!"

Theocrass
April 18th, 2011, 06:02 AM
Wut

B.B. Rain
April 18th, 2011, 07:05 AM
*snorts of supressed laughter*

The trolling shoe is now on the other foot, Archer! I can't wait to see how Archerko and Shirou interact.

Also, Kogil will probably be funny.

IronDragoon
April 18th, 2011, 07:10 AM
Does Lancer's Harem Counter have equivalent exchange in it?

Or does the Harem Counter require one trap at all times for balance?

ringlhach
April 18th, 2011, 07:17 AM
Rider. :D Rider needs to meet Kotomine- there must be troll-children!

Archer, though *snort* p-poor Archer... :p He deserves this. Karma is a bitch.

Ergast
April 18th, 2011, 08:15 AM
Rider has just outtrolled Archer, didn't she?

Anyway, Ko-gil is just made of win. What about messing even more with Archer-ko (to make him/her different from Archerko)

This is gold, honestly. Keep the good work, Mereo.

giodan
April 18th, 2011, 08:45 AM
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!

pure genius!!!

at this point i am very curius about zouken!!!! what you will do to him!????

Elf
April 18th, 2011, 09:33 AM
Oh god, that was just GOLDEN. And . . . female Archer would be Tsundere, not moe. And if Kogil gets a crush . . . well all the better.

Eveonder
April 18th, 2011, 09:49 AM
Noooooooo... no, no, no, just no. Archer Bad End everywhere! But a brilliant development nonetheless.

Ergast
April 18th, 2011, 09:54 AM
Female Archer x KoGil?

FUND. THAT. BITCH. HARD.

Oh, great Elf-sama, would you bless us with this, if you can manage to get some free time?

Hermitfold
April 18th, 2011, 02:22 PM
Moe Archerko?

*dies from moe overload*

This is true genius, friend. I thank God I lived to see it.

Grant
April 18th, 2011, 03:22 PM
Careful. Archers pushed too far have been known to betray their Masters, side with evil witches and murder themselves. Huh, I really have to wonder if that's suicide or not. Maybe murder.

ringlhach
April 18th, 2011, 03:27 PM
"Try to paradox themselves out," maybe?

bakapervert
April 18th, 2011, 09:18 PM
lol, Karma has finally caught up with Archer.

Certis Baliano
April 18th, 2011, 09:26 PM
Shirou is finally going to have his sweet revenge against Archer.

Froggie
April 18th, 2011, 10:12 PM
This is always a funny read. I'm looking forward to whatever else your mind might come with MereoFlare :)

On to important thing! Would Archerko and Kogil count as SS? Because, oh my, that would be, oh my! :o

IronDragoon
April 18th, 2011, 11:54 PM
Hmm.. So Kogil falls for Archerko hard, and through hijinks, it's found out that Archer is Shirou, and Kogil redirects his sights..

ItsaRandomUsername
April 19th, 2011, 12:31 AM
I approve of shipping Ko-Gil with anyone, so this is pretty win. Especially Girl!Archer.

Hoster
April 19th, 2011, 11:23 AM
This is the best thing ever.


And people was asking "what makes you say that?" when I said that I had the feeling that there was going to be schoolgirl Saber...

Well, maybe not schoolgirl. *giggle*

Neir
April 20th, 2011, 02:46 AM
The entire moe bit was gold. GOLD. I'm looking forward to Kotomine's trolling, too.

Hermitfold
April 20th, 2011, 09:19 AM
God yes, Kotomine's trolling will be awesome.

Glad to see Shirou enjoying his revenge on Archer, I'm a believer in the therapeutic powers of petty revenge.

Little Gil will prove amusing, I'm sure.

Also looking forward to seeing Saber's reaction.

bakapervert
April 20th, 2011, 09:47 AM
Hmm, if Archer will get his well deserved karma, will Kotomine get his too?

Keyne
April 20th, 2011, 10:03 AM
I'm only concerned about one thing: A potion itself is a drink, but it evokes a magical effect. Therefore, Saber's Magic Resistance should kick in and disolve the magic, reducing the potion to a funny-tasting drink.... well, anyway Rin's going to have someone to drool at.

eddyak
April 20th, 2011, 10:05 AM
Saber's magical resistance doesn't vanish Archer or Shirou's swords, and it doesn't stop her from using her own prana, so there are exceptions.

Keyne
April 20th, 2011, 10:07 AM
Saber's magical resistance doesn't vanish Archer or Shirou's swords, and it doesn't stop her from using her own prana, so there are exceptions.

Well, yes, I agree. However a potion is like a liquified spell cast on oneself....

It should disolve magnificently in a huge fart. :D

eddyak
April 20th, 2011, 10:12 AM
Look at the CGs where she tanked Caster and Rin's spells. They vanished a litte way off from her body, rather than when they touched her. MR shouldn't erase something already inside her.

Keyne
April 20th, 2011, 10:18 AM
Look at the CGs where she tanked Caster and Rin's spells. They vanished a litte way off from her body, rather than when they touched her. MR shouldn't erase something already inside her.

If you say so.

Rest in peace (pieces), Caster. We'll miss you. ;_;

ringlhach
April 20th, 2011, 10:50 AM
Maybe it only worked halfway? /trollface

Isn't "magic resistance" supposed to be against hostile spells? What Caster did isn't technically hostile, although I'm sure Saber's going to try to beat her ass for it... and maybe win Caster a knight-in-shining-armor in the process.

Keyne
April 20th, 2011, 10:53 AM
Maybe it only worked halfway? /trollface

Isn't "magic resistance" supposed to be against hostile spells? What Caster did isn't technically hostile, although I'm sure Saber's going to try to beat her ass for it... and maybe win Caster a knight-in-shining-armor in the process.

It's against all spells, but Saber may let some pass if they will benefit her, like the trance spell Rin put on Shirou and Saber.

ringlhach
April 20th, 2011, 10:56 AM
Or the spell-in-a-bottle she thinks is going to make her look like a younger girl?

Keyne
April 20th, 2011, 11:00 AM
Or the spell-in-a-bottle she thinks is going to make her look like a younger girl?

And how would that benefit her, I wonder? She's young enough.

Certis Baliano
April 20th, 2011, 11:04 AM
And how would that benefit her, I wonder? She's young enough.

Because she wanted to be a loli.

Keyne
April 20th, 2011, 11:06 AM
Because she wanted to be a loli.

Ilya: One Servant down. Next please.

Hoster
April 20th, 2011, 12:29 PM
Loli caster would dominate Illya... if you know what I mean.


Isn't "magic resistance" supposed to be against hostile spells? This is not D&D.

Neir
April 20th, 2011, 12:33 PM
She does something like that if you try to 'reinforce' her at the end of Fate route instead of getting Avalon. She lowers her resistance to allow Shirou to apply his prana to her (in non-semen form).

Ergast
April 20th, 2011, 01:11 PM
Loli caster would dominate Illya... if you know what I mean.

This is not D&D.

In fact, in D&D you can resist (through MR I mean) friendly spells, as buffs and healings. It's just stupid, so the characters with MR let those spells go through the MR, but you can if you feel like resisting that "Heal critical wounds" spell

Hoster
April 20th, 2011, 03:55 PM
IIRC, drinking potions in D&D will be unaffected by magical restistance.

Drinking a magical potion should be less effective, or completely ineffective, depending on your restistance to magic, unless it is specific enough to resist only hostile spells or negative effects.

Ergast
April 20th, 2011, 05:11 PM
Almost sure you are right. I still have to see someone trying to drink a potion of fireball, though, to see if it is affected by the MR (if I'm the master, any potion drinked would be unaffected, but that's just me)

I think that the fact that you are drinking the potion without being forced it's enough to low the mr and let the magic affect you, in any case. Be it harmful or not.

eddyak
April 20th, 2011, 06:35 PM
Irisviel also cast healing spells on her in F/Z. They didn't work thanks to Diarmuid, but they weren't wiped out by MR either.

Mike1984
April 20th, 2011, 07:03 PM
And how would that benefit her, I wonder? She's young enough.

I don't know, really, but if it didn't, then she would have just refused to drink the potion in the first place....

EricDagger
April 25th, 2011, 03:19 AM
Archer is now thanks to this fic the epitome of GAR AND Moe. The universe will implode at this rate. I'm getting popcorn!

Keyne
April 25th, 2011, 04:00 AM
I don't know, really, but if it didn't, then she would have just refused to drink the potion in the first place....

In canon, she would refuse...

ringlhach
April 25th, 2011, 05:05 AM
In canon, she would refuse...

Maybe she did, and Rider's trolling Archer(ko) some more?

eddyak
April 25th, 2011, 06:41 AM
In canon, she would refuse...
Says you.