PDA

View Full Version : Fate/Prototype novel



nakulas
July 29th, 2013, 04:25 PM
As per request, I started translating the Fate/Prototype novel that's being serialized in Comptiq (or something) now.

I did not finish translating it, though, because quite frankly, the way this guy writes sucks ass. I did get through the first page of the scans, which you can find translated here: http://pastebin.com/HRRY0kpz

A summary of what happens in the rest of Little Lady: Act 1 follows below.
--Ayaka gives a brief exposition on the HGW.
--Ayaka talks about how Saber is now there with her.
--Ayaka remembers how Saber was also with Manaka 8 years prior.
--FLASHBACK TIME! (to 1991, presumably 8 years prior)
--Ayaka wakes up one morning and internal-monologues for a while.
--Then, she heads off for her daily black magic practice.
--She internal-rambles at great length about how nice her house's garden is.
--She flashes back to a conversation from the previous night between her father and Ayaka, presumably about how the HGW is going to start soon.
--She gets chummy with some of the sacrificial doves in her garden.
--Her father scolds her for getting chummy with the doves.
--Her father tells her that she doesn't need to practice black magic today and should just come eat breakfast instead.
--Manaka makes breakfast.
--Ayaka internal-rambles about how amazing Manaka's cooking is, and about how amazing Manaka is in general.
--Manaka tells Ayaka that the secret ingredient in her cooking is stronger than magic (魔術): love sorcery (恋の魔法)
--Her father grumbles something about that (so presumably we'll start getting infodumps about magic vs. sorcery in the next installment)
--To be continued.

Maybe one day if I'm really bored (or if the author decides to be less bad at writing), I'll continue with this, but for now, I'm going to call this quits.

EDIT: also - if anybody wants a transcription of Little Lady: Act 1, go here (http://pastebin.com/X02pKuvJ). There might be some typos.

SeiKeo
July 29th, 2013, 04:31 PM
http://i.imgur.com/bwXod6k.png

Ratman
July 29th, 2013, 04:56 PM
88888888888888888888888888888888888

I3uster
July 29th, 2013, 04:57 PM
88888888888888888888888888888888888
weaboo

Thanks Nakulas, I hope you move on to translate actually decent stuff!

keeper13
July 29th, 2013, 07:02 PM
http://i.imgur.com/gwtnO.gif

THANKYOU!THANKYOU!THANKYOU! Thank you so much! Even though it's just the first page, but Thank You!

Ossan99
July 29th, 2013, 10:00 PM
Last line will great one. I like it.

Crown
July 29th, 2013, 10:58 PM
Thank you very much, nakulas.


Ossan, if you were to read the original text: would you agree with nakulas' perception of the writting being bad?

terraablaze
July 29th, 2013, 11:11 PM
I believe that nakulas is lying unless he presents the entire story in full for my perusal. His honor is at stake.

Ossan99
July 30th, 2013, 03:43 AM
@Ratman
What do you mean "888888888888"?
@Crown
I have original 100 page book because I purchased it at my home. I just read this novel roughly because my objective was get new products information of TM. Sorry for my question versus question, are you expect I will check nakulas' translation result?

Canon
July 30th, 2013, 07:31 AM
パチパチパチパチパチパチパチパチパチ

I more weeboo

terraablaze
July 30th, 2013, 07:36 AM
@Crown
I have original 100 page book because I purchased it at my home. I just read this novel roughly because my objective was get new products information of TM. Sorry for my question versus question, are you expect I will check nakulas' translation result?

He's asking you about the quality of the original product. As in, does the original story in Japanese prior to translation suck or not?

nakulas
July 30th, 2013, 10:33 AM
この小説(http://crimson-cow.tumblr.com/post/55218969046/toudou-heres-the-scan-of-the-preview-for-the)を読んで、著者の桜井光の文体が全然マズイという印象を受けた。Crownが聞いているのは、母国 語話者であるOssan99はnakulasと同じ印象を受けたのだろうか、ということだ。私の通訳は正確 かどうかの問題ではない。(駄文はすみません。日本語を理解していても、話す機会があまりなく て…)

Ossan99
July 30th, 2013, 11:12 AM
パチパチパチパチパチパチパチパチパチ

I more weeboo

Oh, "I have not such idea." "その発想は無かったな。" I read as "hachihachihachihachi" or "bababababababababa" or "yayayayayayayaya".
Yes, it is possible "pachipachipachipachi", sound of clap my hands. Oh now I'm doubt that I'm a native Japanese, Thank you CanonRap.

Ossan99
July 30th, 2013, 11:33 AM
@terra
Please don't ask me English grammar, that is nightmare and I'm still working nightmare. Today, I got answer from Europe it looks like my JPNish is effective at Europe.
@nakulas
Thank you for your scanning link, now everybody check your translation. I have only two questions at this moment.
(1) At line 35:
”探しても意味はない。"="Why even search for one?"
Why are you change question from original? If I should translate, I will translate "No meaning if you try to search."
(2) About "O"
I think "O" can remove. Do you have any meaning of "O"?

nakulas
July 30th, 2013, 11:56 AM
いやいや、通訳はどうでもいいです。私には通訳をやり直す気は全くありません。Crownはただ、文体につ いての意見を聞いてほしがっているだけです。

(2)の質問ですが、英語の「O」は旧き言葉で、助詞のような機能を果たします。日本語の名詞のあとの「よ 」に似ています。以下の通訳を参照してください。
和:「神様よ、我が願いを聞き給え。」
英:"O God, hear my plea."
英語では「vocative case」と言うのです。近代英語では「O」を用いる場合はほとんどありませんが(すなわち、「O」を除き 、"God, hear my plea."と言うのは普通ですが)、まったく用いられていないわけでもありません。主にこの「Fate/Prototype」のようなedgyな大衆文学に用いられます。

Ossan99
July 30th, 2013, 03:05 PM
@nakulas
Okay, you looks like Japanese master, I'm going to use Japanese only.

何故か目茶目茶日本語がお上手で、そもそも日本人チェックは要らない感じ満々ですが、まあいい でしょう。
本題に入ります。Crownが言うところの"文体"って日本語はこの場合何を指しますか?
http://ja.wikipedia.org/wiki/%E6%96%87%E4%BD%93
ひょっとしてnakulasさん、日系か日本に住んでたことあるんじゃありませんか?Reiuさんや、Am ADo VIIさんと同じ"匂い"がします。

nakulas
July 30th, 2013, 03:49 PM
この場合、”文体”は例のwikipedia記事に書けれていることを指しているんじゃないんでしょうか。 つまり、この小説(の一部分)を読んで、どんな”感じ”を受け取るのか、と。私はあまり高く評価できないが 、Osさん99はどう思われるのでしょうか、と。

大変ありがたいお言葉ですが、家族には日本人は一人もおらず、一度しか日本に旅行したことはあ りません。

(non-moonrunes folk: nothing to see here; move right along.)

Ossan99
July 30th, 2013, 04:34 PM
@nukulas
とりあえず、全編英訳したら?

Ossan99
July 30th, 2013, 07:31 PM
@nukulas
個人的な感想を言ってしまうと、”箸にも棒にもかからない穴埋め小説"でしょう。やたらポエム多いですし。

"wikipedia記事に書けれていることを" -> "wikipedia記事に書かれていることを"
微妙に日本語危ないですね。生粋の日本人ならば決して犯さない間違いです。細かい事ですが。まあ、他人(ひ と)のことは言えなくて、英語圏の人間からしたら私のJPNishなぞ読めたもんではなかろうでしょうけど 。

貴方の心が折れないことを祈っております。頑張ってください。必ず待っている人が居ます。それはnukul asさんしか翻訳できないんです。貴方だけしかできないんです。

nakulas
July 30th, 2013, 08:49 PM
誤りを正してありがとう。

So, if I may summarize on Ossan99's behalf, he finds this story to be lacking in merit; present only out of necessity [i.e. _somebody_ had to write this to appease Nasu fans]; and unnecessarily poetic. I am inclined to agree on these points, particularly the last one.

It's sort of like, imagine you've never seen poetry. Then, one day, someone comes along and tells you that poetry often involves flowery language; disregards aspects of prose style like sentence structure; and incorporates deep metaphors. If you tried to write poetry based on this second-hand description, I imagine the output would be a lot like this novel.

Crown
July 30th, 2013, 08:52 PM
誤りを正してありがとう。

So, if I may summarize on Ossan99's behalf, he finds this story to be lacking in merit; present only out of necessity [i.e. _somebody_ had to write this to appease Nasu fans]; and unnecessarily poetic. I am inclined to agree on these points, particularly the last one.

It's sort of like, imagine you've never seen poetry. Then, one day, someone comes along and tells you that poetry often involves flowery language; disregards aspects of prose style like sentence structure; and incorporates deep metaphors. If you tried to write poetry based on this second-hand description, I imagine the output would be a lot like this novel.

Told ya'll.

Type-Moon is in quality decadence.

terraablaze
July 30th, 2013, 08:55 PM
Considering this was outsourced I wouldn't worry too much. It doesn't sound like the writer even had a sleep over with Nasu.

Mcjon01
July 30th, 2013, 09:37 PM
Yeah, no PJs = no canon. That's just common sense.

Paitouch
July 30th, 2013, 10:01 PM
This novel is dedicated to all the keeper13s out there.

Rockxas
July 30th, 2013, 10:12 PM
It's sort of like, imagine you've never seen poetry. Then, one day, someone comes along and tells you that poetry often involves flowery language; disregards aspects of prose style like sentence structure; and incorporates deep metaphors. If you tried to write poetry based on this second-hand description, I imagine the output would be a lot like this novel.
...So what would happen if we got Cokesakto to translate this thing?


This novel is dedicated to all the keeper13s out there.
Reality is a cruel mistress.

Sherrinford
July 31st, 2013, 09:18 AM
Hence why we need DDD translated. Pure, undiluted Nasu of the origin.

Crown
July 31st, 2013, 12:53 PM
See


Re: DDD -I'll take a look at it (though, to be honest with you, translating it seems unlikely since Nasu writing is not that much fun to translate imo).


And I agree.

Ossan99
July 31st, 2013, 05:14 PM
@Crown
My guess is you are a only person who is trying to tralnslate DDD. What is your progress about translation of DDD?

Paitouch
July 31st, 2013, 05:15 PM
Ain't it sad, Enhancchin?

Crown
July 31st, 2013, 11:03 PM
What is your progress about translation of DDD?
I have never translated more than two pages of DDD into english. No, hold on, I'm lying. I did translate like a fourth part of vt.in day dream but I deleted it 'coz it sucked. In the end I merely translate whatever bit interests me.



Ain't it sad, Enhancchin?
Where is him by the way?

Ossan99
August 4th, 2013, 04:03 PM
Finally, who is keep translation of DDD, at this moment?

Polly
August 4th, 2013, 04:07 PM
Enhance, I think.

In-N-Out Double-Double & Animal Fries
August 4th, 2013, 09:09 PM
Food asked #notes to link his translation here (http://z13.invisionfree.com/Mobius_Space/index.php?showtopic=4&st=0#entry22052287)

terraablaze
August 4th, 2013, 09:31 PM
Oh snap he really did make a forum of his own.

Petrikow
August 4th, 2013, 09:59 PM
Yes, he will post his translations there.

As for this project, food sends his wishes:

"I concur this shit is bad, Nakulas. Since you did Strange Fake, I will take this one for the team."

Kelnish
August 4th, 2013, 10:05 PM
Mods, petil is food fingerpuppet pls ban.

nakulas
August 5th, 2013, 02:18 AM
Well... if food wants to translate awful things, I suppose that's his prerogative.... Have fun, I guess?

(aside: this is apropos of nothing, really, but I noticed two newly-red-struckthrough names in this thread and looked around to find out why. With all due respect to you folks, this forum has some of the most batshit retarded drama I've seen in my time on the internet.)

Vagrant
August 5th, 2013, 03:09 AM
(aside: this is apropos of nothing, really, but I noticed two newly-red-struckthrough names in this thread and looked around to find out why. With all due respect to you folks, this forum has some of the most batshit retarded drama I've seen in my time on the internet.)
Welcome to Beast's Lair, I hope you enjoy your stay. As you are a translator though, I'm guessing a month tops before you also end up banned ;)

aldeayeah
August 5th, 2013, 03:28 AM
I just knew food wouldn't skip the chance to make us read "Sabre" again, hundreds of times...

Crown
August 5th, 2013, 03:41 AM
Well... if food wants to translate awful things, I suppose that's his prerogative.... Have fun, I guess?

(aside: this is apropos of nothing, really, but I noticed two newly-red-struckthrough names in this thread and looked around to find out why. With all due respect to you folks, this forum has some of the most batshit retarded drama I've seen in my time on the internet.)

It's alright once you learn what subforums are actually decent/good.

The only decent subforums are Translations, GD (if you ignore the often shitty derails it has), a few threads of AMMD, one or two threads of AGMD and...that's it.

Avoid the rest and the IRC like a plague.

Unless you're looking to circlejerk with some guys on the internet of course.

In-N-Out Double-Double & Animal Fries
August 5th, 2013, 04:28 AM
come to General DIscussions of the General section

I swear you won't regret it

It's an experience like no other

Kotonoha
August 5th, 2013, 12:48 PM
http://z13.invisionfree.com/Mobius_Space/index.php?showtopic=4

Translated, courtesy of our friend food-chan.

I3uster
August 5th, 2013, 12:50 PM
He is the hero we need.

terraablaze
August 5th, 2013, 12:54 PM
Food asked #notes to link his translation here (http://z13.invisionfree.com/Mobius_Space/index.php?showtopic=4&st=0#entry22052287)


http://z13.invisionfree.com/Mobius_Space/index.php?showtopic=4

Translated, courtesy of our friend food-chan.

Is there a difference between these two links?

Kotonoha
August 5th, 2013, 12:55 PM
I dunno, he just asked someone to post it now :V

Ossan99
August 5th, 2013, 06:29 PM
Now we have share about this novel in English. What do you think this original Japanese novel's quality?

Dragoon
August 5th, 2013, 10:07 PM
... I wonder if food would mind if I post this translation in Tumblr...

Kotonoha
August 5th, 2013, 10:09 PM
Tumblr doesn't deserve nice things.

Zenieth
August 5th, 2013, 10:11 PM
So he would'nt mind at all

PhoenixRising
February 7th, 2014, 01:53 AM
Hi, my name is PhoenixRising.

I'm new to the forum but I've been reading the posts for a long time and I've decided post this.
I've been working on a translation for the second chapter of the Little Lady Arc for a while now. However, I can’t upload it.
So I’m putting up this summary of what happens instead. Sorry but it’s really long.


Little Lady Arc - Chapter 2
Saber POV

- Breakfast starts and Manaka is really happy talking about the stuff she put into the food and asking Saber if he likes it. He's also doing an internal monologue about Manaka's appearance and aura.
- Then Manaka says “You know in essence it’s the same as cooking.” Saber says what. Manaka says in a natural and creepy way "The way we do things in the Holy Grail War."
- Saber starts describing the Holy Grail War and how it's different from other conflicts and about how Magi normally operate. It then shifts to Saber describing more about Manaka's looks and she basically says. "You don't have to eat it" But Saber is being a gentleman saying that he will.
- Manaka puts on a depressed face and Saber turns to the mountain of food that she made. She has made at least six servings of every kind of dish, scrambled, poached, bacon and egg dishes, meat dishes e.g sausages, milk porridge, salad dishes, desserts as well as scones and cream, a whole kidney pie though Saber only got a slice.
- Saber reassures Manaka that they will win by talking about how knights need their vitality and some internal thoughts about how he will win.
- Manaka starts saying "he will win without getting hurt, and that he shouldn't lose in a fight with the other Servants and if he should lose....." while unbuttoning the front of her dress revealing her
command seal before saying “I just couldn’t bear it. Besides...” she doesn't want to use the command seal on him. Saber gives her a questioning look and she says that it's because "she's connected to him."
- The next part are two excerpts from two Magi's notebooks and one of basically describes about Command Seals and Servants, while the one talks about a Magi being visited and told he is to compete in the Holy Grail War and that he was told that he would have to take the other six Masters out and that he to be prepared to do so.

- Manaka then starts talking about how cooking and the Grail War are the same to her and Saber starts understanding more about her. But then she starts talking about strategies they could use especially about a Magus's weakness which is their family lineage and she suggests the idea of possibly kidnapping their children or worse.
- Saber then calls out Manaka's name because he can't bear that idea even though he knows that he has to fight and win to get their hands on the Grail and he starts telling her off saying that he can't let innocent people get involved especially young people with no power while being careful with his words because she's his Master.
- Manaka rebuts saying that she is doing it for his sake and then she starts getting creepy.
- Saber then starts talking about the Misaya's family and how she is one of the Masters in the Grail War and that her family and Manaka's family are acquaintances and tells Manaka that he doesn't want to do that to her friend.

- Manaka says that she's fine and then says that people can make mistakes and the he is wise and even without choosing to make a mistake, he can still achieve his wish by getting the Grail.
- Saber just nods and Manaka smiles at him before disturbingly saying, “If it’s for your sake, I’ll do anything.” Saber starts lamenting in his head about how what he's saying and Manaka is saying isn't meshing and tells her that taking someone out is wrong and she says "Why?"
- Saber is thinking about how her words are like a dagger to his heart basically and is still clinging onto hope that she'll go back to normal and tries again to bring her back to her senses. But Manaka is saying, "Why are you saying that?" so Saber says that if he gets the Grail then he'll decide on the wish.
- Manaka then says she will grant his wish of saving Britain and then Saber gives in saying that if it’s for that he'll do anything for her.
- It ends with Manaka giving a creepy smile.

I'm not certain, but I think she was hypnotizing him at the end.
Also I'm not entirely sure if Misaya was a Master in this war but the line that refers to this seems to imply it.
Although this might actually be the case.

I'm also considering about maybe translating the rest and giving summaries here if possible. Though it might take a while for me to do it.

Brolaire
February 16th, 2014, 12:10 AM
10039

Someone , Anyone, please tell me it isn't true

You
February 16th, 2014, 12:47 AM
10039

Someone , Anyone, please tell me it isn't true

Not confirmed.

Brolaire
February 16th, 2014, 12:50 AM
10040

Paralcelsusand proto rin apparently

meevanhelot
February 16th, 2014, 08:15 AM
It's loli Misaya.

Sherrinford
February 16th, 2014, 08:48 AM
10039

Someone , Anyone, please tell me it isn't true

What exactly? That he's Gilgamesh with palette swap? Or distantly related to Gil?

Christemo
February 16th, 2014, 04:23 PM
What exactly? That he's Gilgamesh with palette swap? Or distantly related to Gil?

According to You, the character in question claims his grave is the greatest still standing. That'd be Giza. If Nasu didn't snort crack again, this makes him Khufu.

Sherrinford
February 16th, 2014, 05:38 PM
Yes, that's what I meant. Because for all we know, all of Brolaire's fears are unfounded. (although I don't remember his grave being mentioned before).

You
February 16th, 2014, 05:47 PM
Yes, that's what I meant. Because for all we know, all of Brolaire's fears are unfounded. (although I don't remember his grave being mentioned before).

ライダーが生前に建造した「王権」の象徴であり、世界最大にして現存する最古の陵墓。

It's like the world's biggest, still existing, oldest imperial tomb. It's a mouthful. It's also supposed to be a building that is a symbol of royalty.
Any Egyptologists here?
It

Christemo
February 16th, 2014, 05:48 PM
ライダーが生前に建造した「王権」の象徴であり、世界最大にして現存する最古の陵墓。

It's like the world's biggest, still existing, oldest imperial tomb. It's a mouthful. It's also supposed to be a building that is a symbol of royalty.
Any Egyptologists here?
It




(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_Pyramid_of_Giza)http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_Pyramid_of_Giza, also known as "Khufu's Horizon"

Sherrinford
February 16th, 2014, 05:52 PM
And he has a famous ship (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Khufu_ship)...

Christemo
February 16th, 2014, 05:54 PM
And the Giza Sphinx, of which this Rider has a living version of, was built by Khufu's son Khafra.

You
February 16th, 2014, 05:56 PM
And he has a famous ship (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Khufu_ship)...

ライダーが普段移動する際に使う箱舟。船全体が太陽と見紛うほどの輝きと灼熱を発しながら超音速で飛行し、 数時間で東京全域を火の海に変えるほどの破壊光を放つ。
Wow, I totally believe this wooden ship can go at Mach speeds.

Leftovers
February 16th, 2014, 05:57 PM
ライダーが普段移動する際に使う箱舟。船全体が太陽と見紛うほどの輝きと灼熱を発しながら超音速で飛行し、 数時間で東京全域を火の海に変えるほどの破壊光を放つ。
Wow, I totally believe this wooden ship can go at Mach speeds.

With the blessing of Ra, anything is possible.

edit: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/d/d6/Ra_Barque.jpg

Like yeah, their job was to carry the Sun-God across the sky.

Sherrinford
February 16th, 2014, 06:04 PM
And the Giza Sphinx, of which this Rider has a living version of, was built by Khufu's son Khafra.

Rider summons his son as a giant sphinx. Mh, this Rider has some chances to become the best Rider yet.


Wow, I totally believe this wooden ship can go at Mach speeds.

Believe it.

(Hey, you don't know what enchantments the boat may have :p).


With the blessing of Ra, anything is possible.

Aliens Egyptians.

Huitante
February 16th, 2014, 07:00 PM
Rider summons his son as a giant sphinx. Mh, this Rider has some chances to become the best Rider yet.

We already have Medusa summoning and riding her son
And I can't imagine Egyptian Gil clone being better than Alex.

Christemo
February 16th, 2014, 07:08 PM
He has a Reality Marble palace filled with Phantasmal Beasts. He has all the original monsters.

Siegfried
February 16th, 2014, 07:42 PM
Egyptian Gil is into bestiality

Sherrinford
February 16th, 2014, 07:47 PM
We already have Medusa summoning and riding her son

Uh?


And I can't imagine Egyptian Gil clone being better than Alex.

With riding a giant sphinx you would have the chance to.

Christemo
February 16th, 2014, 07:48 PM
Most fun part is that Sphinxes are apparently equal to Dragon Kind and can breathe FIRE TORNADOS

Huitante
February 16th, 2014, 08:03 PM
Uh?

Pegasus is the son of Medusa and Poseidon.

Leftovers
February 16th, 2014, 08:04 PM
Pegasus is the son of Medusa and Poseidon.

http://www.lilithgallery.com/arthistory/greekroman/images/EdwardBurneJones-Birth-of-Pegasus-and-Chrysaor-from-the-Blood-of-Medusa-1876-85.jpg

"Son".

Nortan the Bunny
February 16th, 2014, 08:05 PM
We already have Medusa summoning and riding her son
And I can't imagine Egyptian Gil clone being better than Alex.


Uh?

Pegasus was born from Medusa when Perseus cut off her head or from the drops of her blood.

Sherrinford
February 16th, 2014, 08:09 PM
Pegasus is the son of Medusa and Poseidon.

Sorry, I read that as "Medea riding her son".

meevanhelot
February 18th, 2014, 07:58 AM
Most fun part is that Sphinxes are apparently equal to Dragon Kind and can breathe FIRE TORNADOS

I love how nobody seems to realize that having every Phantasmal Beast that shows up be equal to dragons makes being equal to dragons no longer remotely impressive. Especially given we've yet to actually see a dragon IIRC, just these things that equal dragons in some way getting wrecked.

Vagrant
February 18th, 2014, 08:14 AM
That's fine, I never liked the DRAGUN SO SPESHUL AMAZEBALLS thing anyway. Strong dragons are really damn dangerous, young/weak/whatever dragons are just big nasty creatures on par with other big nasty Phantasmal Beasts. This is something I would be perfectly okay with. Just give dragons the infinite prana reactor and you're solid, there's their unique interesting thing.

meevanhelot
February 18th, 2014, 10:42 AM
^Yeah, except the whole point I'm making is that in Nasuverse dragons are treated as SO SPESHUL AMAZEBALLS, that's the whole point of "Defense on the same class as Dragons OMG!". Only by doing that it's made obvious they aren't that big a deal when lots of stuff is dragon level and they always subsequently get wrecked.

You
February 18th, 2014, 04:09 PM
^Yeah, except the whole point I'm making is that in Nasuverse dragons are treated as SO SPESHUL AMAZEBALLS, that's the whole point of "Defense on the same class as Dragons OMG!". Only by doing that it's made obvious they aren't that big a deal when lots of stuff is dragon level and they always subsequently get wrecked.

Well there's a difference between Dragons and DRAGONS. DRAGONS being basically divine spirits.