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hero
June 11th, 2011, 12:41 PM
First of all I would like to curse thank all of you who are posting poems in the fanfic section. All of them forced inspired me to write one of my own. Note the original is in spanish, my first language, and it sounds much better that way. But just for you to understand the meaning of the words, I'll be making a rough traslation/english adaptation. Excuse any Engrish you might find.

Okay, here it goes. It's looooong.



La Espada y el Escudo - The Sword and the Shield


Miras al cielo, observas la oscura noche,
You look up to the sky, and observe the dark night
a la luna en su velo radiante.
To see the moon in its radiant veil.
Te preguntas si sobreviviras,
You wonder if you will survive,
si serás lo suficientemente buena.
If you are good enough for this.
Esto no es nada más y nada menos.
This is nothing more and nothing less.
Una pelea por lo que más quieres.
A fight for what you most desire.
Te golpean por todas direcciones,
You get hit in a every possible direction.
te gritan y te tiran a un lado.
They get at you and push you to the ground.


Pero tú no sueltas tu espada,
But you don't let go of your sword,
y te aferras firmemente a tu escudo.
And you hold on tightly to your shield.
Te abres paso a través de las palabras,
You make your way through the words,
siguiendo el camino que crees más justo.
Following the path you believe more just.


Una docena y media de enemigos,
A dozen and a half enemies,
contra ti y solo dos amigos.
Versus you and only two of your friends.
La sangre no circula por tu cuerpo,
The blood does not flow through your body,
dejando a tu mente sin efecto.
leaving your mind with no effect.


Corres hacia una pesadilla,
You run towards a nightmare,
convencida de que vencerás.
convinced that victory will be yours.
En el camino te caes varias veces,
You fall several times on the way there,
La razón te pide que te rindas.
Reason tells you to give up.


Pero tú no sueltas tu espada,
But you don't let go of your sword,
y te aferras firmemente a tu escudo.
And you hold on tightly to your shield.
Te abres paso a través de las palabras,
You make your way through the words,
siguiendo el camino que crees más justo.
Following the path you believe more just.


Aún no te das cuenta de que yo,
You haven't realized yet that,
soy tu espada y a la vez tu escudo.
I'm both your shield and your sword.
Dejame terminar esta batalla a tu lado,
Let me end this battle by your side.
Concluye lo que hemos empezado.
What we started concludes now.


Con tu espada atraviesas la noche,
With your sword you pierce the night.
con tu escudo esperas el dia.
With your shield you endure till the next day.
El ideal en el que tanto crees,
The ideal you firmly believe on,
te renueva y cura tus heridas.
renews you and heals your wounds.


La guerrera se desploma en el suelo,
The knight collapses to the ground,
junto con su espada y su escudo.
Along with her Shield and her Sword.
Se desmaya con una sonrisa,
She passes out with a smile.
porque a pesar de todo ella ha vencido.
Because, after all, she was victorious.


Una docena y media de enemigos,
A dozen and a half enemies,
contra ella y sus amigos.
Versus her and her two friends.
Todos ellos han caido,
All of them have fallen,
pero solo ella ha vencido.
but only she was victorious.

ItsaRandomUsername
June 11th, 2011, 12:46 PM
........wow.

It's good. In both languages. I mean, wow.

Keyne
June 11th, 2011, 12:52 PM
It's quite good. Actually, it goes with Saber quite well. She was alone there, with only her sword as her protection. She was always in the vanguard, leading her army from the front, taking the brunt of the enemies' assault, and emerging victorious.

Also, white poems are getting popular around here. Good. :3

Edit: Only that last line needs a change from "her" to "she".

ItsaRandomUsername
June 11th, 2011, 12:56 PM
"White Poem?"

ENGRISH ALERT D:

Keyne
June 11th, 2011, 12:57 PM
"White Poem?"

ENGRISH ALERT D:
Stfu! >:V

ItsaRandomUsername
June 11th, 2011, 01:00 PM
DEAL WITH IT.JPG

Sorry for the deail, hero...;^;

Keyne
June 11th, 2011, 01:01 PM
DEAL WITH IT.JPG

Sorry for the deail, hero...;^;
What's a deail? :3

mangafreak7793
June 11th, 2011, 01:01 PM
I like it. :)

Yet it feels a little sad.

Keyne
June 11th, 2011, 01:02 PM
I like it. :)

Yet it feels a little sad.
Yes, it does.

The King fights alone. As always.

hero
June 11th, 2011, 01:24 PM
Thanks a lot guys.

I must admit I hesitated with that last line, so I put it into google traslate to see if it was okay... And the bastard said so. Damn you, google traslate! Why do I keep trusting you...!

And yes, kinda sad. But very... How to say... Glorifying? I liked it myself. All hail the King.

Alulim
June 11th, 2011, 03:33 PM
Al likes it.

Tesculpture
June 11th, 2011, 03:55 PM
Nice!

Ergast
June 11th, 2011, 04:15 PM
I usually don't fancy poetry too much, but being in my first language I have read it. It's very good.

Ivan The Mouse
June 12th, 2011, 03:28 AM
Is it me, or did the Spanish version kept her gender ambiguous until the last stanza? I knew very very little of the language, but it sounded like that.

But like really like it, I tried to sound Spanish in my reading as humanely as possible.

Lusor
June 12th, 2011, 07:02 AM
Pretty good, and I don't even like poetry. Reading some good type moon fanwork in my language is a new experience.

Ergast
June 12th, 2011, 08:00 AM
@Ivan The Mouse Until "La guerrera" it was ambiguous thanks to the second person point of view. In any case, in the english version it's ambiguous until a bit later too, unless I missed a pronoum. (Also, "La guerrera" isn't the same as "The knight", the literal translation is "The warrior")

hero
June 12th, 2011, 09:42 AM
Is it me, or did the Spanish version kept her gender ambiguous until the last stanza? I knew very very little of the language, but it sounded like that.

Hmmm, well there was one hint in the first stanza.

"si serás lo suficientemente buena."

The last 'a' here means the adjetive refers to a female. Otherwise it would be 'bueno', refering to a male.


Also, "La guerrera" isn't the same as "The knight", the literal translation is "The warrior"

That's right. However I felt the word 'Knight' was more fitting for Saber. And so, I adapted it.

Also, here is the song I used for inspiration.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CF54Jxlz9_0

I keep using my poem as that song's lyrics lol.

Ergast
June 12th, 2011, 10:43 AM
F***, I missed that a. That's what happens when you read too fast XD So much for being my first language ^^U

Anyway, I agree that knight fits Saber better.

hero
June 12th, 2011, 11:12 AM
I already have an idea for a second poem... Well more like a song...

It would involve a duel between the three heroines for Shirou's heart.

Should I go for it?

Ergast
June 12th, 2011, 01:12 PM
Definitely, go for it.

Neir
June 12th, 2011, 02:13 PM
I really like it. Fantastic job, hero.