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Mereo Flere
July 5th, 2011, 07:05 PM
“Can’t Go Back”

A/N: Post Heaven’s Feel True End.

The Holy Grail War was over. They had won. However, even though they had managed to destroy the Greater Grail, even though they had saved Sakura, the cost had been high. Countless people had died. Ilyasviel had sacrificed herself to save Shirou. As for Shirou himself, he just hadn’t been the same since he had been brought back.

It was to be expected, of course. He had given up a lot to save Sakura. He had surrendered his dream, his mind, and even his life to protect her. Now that it was all over, he just seemed melancholy all the time.

He still smiled. He tried to act the same as before – and nobody at school seemed to notice something was wrong. But Rin did. She didn’t know if her sister could tell, but Rin could easily see that there was something off.

There were moments here and there where he would gaze off into the distance with a bittersweet smile on his face – his left hand touching the shoulder where Archer’s arm was once grafted. It was the same today.

Rin had come for a visit on a Sunday, and when nobody answered the door she let herself in. For a minute, she thought this place was empty – until she saw Shirou just sitting on the porch, gazing up at the cloudless sky. Once again, the same wistful look was on his face and it seemed that he didn’t even know she was here.

“Shirou?” she called as she approached.

He didn’t reply. There wasn’t even an indication that he had heard her.

Worried, she tried again as she walked closer. “Shirou?”

He still didn’t answer.

Finally, she stepped right behind him, hoping that this time he would finally acknowledge her presence. “Shirou?”

Then, when he ignored her for the third time, she decided to take drastic measures. With a deep breath, she thought calmly about what the best choice of action would be… before promptly disregarding it and simply kicking him in the back.

“Ow! What was that for, Tohsaka?”

“Hmph,” Rin said, crossing her arms. “That’s what you get for ignoring me.”

“Ignoring you?” Shirou said, rubbing his back. “I didn’t even know you were here!”

“That’s what you call ignoring someone, Shirou. I called out to you three times, you know.”

“…oh,” Shirou said with a blink, finally realizing how out of it he must have been. “Sorry about that. I was just… thinking about something.”

Rin tried not to sigh – at least not too loudly. This was what she had expected after all. “It’s… it’s about the Holy Grail War, isn’t it?”

Shirou smiled weakly. “Well… it’s related to that, yes,” he said, nodding his head. “It’s just not the same anymore.”

“No,” Rin said, her expression softening a little. “I suppose it wouldn’t be. But you know, it was for the best. You saved Sakura, after all.”

“I don’t regret that,” Shirou said quickly – not that he needed to. “It’s just… everything is strange now. I can’t go back to the way things were before. I’ve lost it, and I don’t think I’ll ever get it back now.”

“About ‘it,’” Rin said, as she took a seat beside him. “This… ‘it’ wouldn’t happen to be your ideal, is it?”

Shirou’s eyes widened as he looked at her as though he were surprised that she knew. But then again, she had known about it for a long time now – the dream of being a Superhero, going around the world to save as many people as he can.

Running a hand through his hair, Shirou nodded. “Yes, it was really was my ideal,” he said, absentmindedly touching his arm. “At the time, I didn’t realize just how much I would miss it.”

“Well, there were a lot of things going on at the time.”

“Still,” Shirou said, touching his arm. “I can’t help but think about going back.”

Rin blinked, before narrowing her eyes at him. That was a dangerous line of thinking Shirou was doing. “You aren’t thinking about abandoning Sakura, are you?” she said, balling up her hands into a fist. If he said something stupid, she might have to knock some sense back into him after all.

“What? No!” Shirou said, holding up his hands in shock. “I would never do that!”

“So then, why would you even think about doing something that could hurt her?”

Shirou blinked, a bead of sweat going down his forehead. “Hurt her? Well, I suppose it could hurt her if I’m not careful… but she thought it would be a great idea!”

“What,” Rin said flatly. “No, she probably just feels a little guilty,” Rin said, figuring out why her sister would agree to such a crazy thing. “Just because she agreed to it, doesn’t mean you should.”

“That’s where you’re wrong, Nee-san!”

Rin blinked before turning around just in time to see her sister slide into view from the hallway. “Sa-Sakura? You were here?”

“Yes! And I won’t let you ruin Senpai’s dream!” Sakura said, as she placed her hands on her sister’s shoulders. “I won’t let you ruin my dream too!”

“Hold on,” Rin said, slowly pushing Sakura’s hands away. “You do understand what his dream is, right?”

“Of course! He told me about it personally, after all.”

“And… and you agreed to it?” Rin asked, incredulous. “How in the world did he possibly convince you about that?”

“He showed me a picture of Archer,” Sakura said, smiling.

Rin faced palmed. Where had Shirou even gotten a picture of Archer… no – why would he want one in the first place?! “That doesn’t explain anything!”

“Actually, Rin, it explains everything,” Rider said, walking into view.

“Hold on – was everybody here? Am I going to turn around and see Kotomine running around in the backyard?!”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Rin,” Shirou said, shaking his head. “I killed him.”

“He also killed you, and that didn’t stop you!”

“…point. But, thanks to Ilya and the rest of you, I got brought back to life.”

“Which brings us back to the main point,” Rider said, adjusting her glasses. “The reason the picture managed to convince my master so easily is because it wasn’t an ordinary picture of Archer.”

Rin massaged her temples. “You know, that still isn’t an actual explanation.”

“It was a picture of Archer naked on a bed. Your bed, to be precise.”

Rin froze. “I have no idea what you’re talking about, Rider.”

“It would be more of a memory for you, wouldn’t it?” Rider said with a grin.

“…anyway – what does this have anything to do with Shirou’s dream of becoming a hero?”

“Nothing,” Shirou said, blinking. “But, when did we start talking about that in the first place?”

“From the start!” Rin said, rolling her eyes. “Wasn’t it obvious?”

“Actually, Nee-san… Shirou was talking about getting a new body.”

“…what.”

“Yes,” Shirou said with a blush. “Archer’s arm really was an ideal experience for me.”

Rin stared at Shirou. “You lost me.”

“What I mean is, I can’t go back to my regular-“

“Stop right there,” Rin said, holding up one hand while the other massaged the bridge of her nose. “I heard enough. You can’t possibly expect me to believe you had the time to do that in the middle of the Holy Grail War!”

“…well, I am a man, Rin, and Sakura wasn’t really around...”

Rin, for the second time today, face palmed. “You can’t be serious! We aren’t replacing your new body just so you can have a better ‘alone time’ for yourself!”

“Of course not, Nee-san!” Sakura said, blushing. “We’re also going to have a better ‘together’ time.”

Rin stared at her sister, before turning to Rider, hoping that she would show some common sense. “You… you can’t really be letting them go through with this.”

“Well,” Rider said, looking away. “With the Holy Grail gone, it’s tougher to maintain my existence without Shirou's help, you see…”

“Hold on, didn’t the Holy Grail leave Sakura with-“

“Like I said, it’s tougher to maintain my existence.”

“And there you have it, Nee-san,” Sakura said, smiling at Rin. “I hope you can see why this is for everyone’s best interests.”

Rin sighed, throwing her arms up in the air. “Oh, I give up!”

Theocrass
July 5th, 2011, 07:08 PM
Mereo, you are brilliant and I love you forever.

Seriously, I just got up from where I was laughing on the floor.

Did I mention I love you?

Heroslayer
July 5th, 2011, 07:11 PM
Hahahahaha... That's awesome. I thought Shirou just missed being awesome, but that is hilarious.

Keyne
July 5th, 2011, 07:14 PM
Shirou's 'alone time'... with Archer's arm...

SeiKeo
July 5th, 2011, 07:27 PM
Mereo, you are brilliant and I love you forever.

Seriously, I just got up from where I was laughing on the floor.

Did I mention I love you?

This.

Soldat der Trauer
July 5th, 2011, 08:09 PM
Shirou's 'alone time'... with Archer's arm...

I want my ignorance back...

RadiantBeam
July 5th, 2011, 08:21 PM
So....

Shirou/Archer arm's?

I can support this.

Theocrass
July 5th, 2011, 08:27 PM
It's a great idea, who wouldn't support it?

Froggie
July 5th, 2011, 08:32 PM
Mereo Flere needs to be cloned. Who's with me?

Alulim
July 5th, 2011, 08:35 PM
Why not?

Elf
July 5th, 2011, 08:49 PM
Oh god, that is hilarious and amazing. :)

Techlet
July 5th, 2011, 10:40 PM
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Fangstrike
July 5th, 2011, 11:39 PM
HAHA! Awesome Mereo, as usual.

ringlhach
July 6th, 2011, 02:42 AM
Mereo Flere needs to be cloned. Who's with me?Will it get him to write more crack? Because the stuff he comes up with is delicious.

Pata Hikari
July 6th, 2011, 03:08 AM
Well, this is something alright.

Ivan The Mouse
July 6th, 2011, 05:14 AM
Well, if you come to think of it...

...Maybe Shirou loves being touched by Archer.

Keyne
July 6th, 2011, 05:20 AM
Well, if you come to think of it...

...Maybe Shirou loves being touched by Archer.
His fight with Archer in Ilya's castle was really a groping contest. And swordspams were in reality just dildos thrown at each other.

ItsaRandomUsername
July 6th, 2011, 05:23 AM
Unlimited Blade Works is the route filled with the most phallic imagery and homoerotic undertones, after all.

In a game full of big swords and smacking them together, that's saying a lot.

Keyne
July 6th, 2011, 05:24 AM
Unlimited Blade Works is the route filled with the most phallic imagery and homoerotic undertones, after all.

In a game full of big swords and smacking them together, that's saying a lot.
No wonder why so many people like that route. '_'

Techlet
July 6th, 2011, 05:26 AM
Yes. That whole fight was to see who gets to be on top.

ItsaRandomUsername
July 6th, 2011, 05:27 AM
Archer bleeding all over the floor? Clearly symbolic of the rupturing of the butt hymen in every other Boy's Love yaoi scene.

Techlet
July 6th, 2011, 05:34 AM
Shirou dual wielding Kanshou & Bakuya = double penetration?

Keyne
July 6th, 2011, 05:37 AM
Shirou dual wielding Kanshou & Bakuya = double penetration?
Shirou fighting with his trusty dildos against Kuzuki's snake-dicks...

Altima of the Gates
July 6th, 2011, 05:50 AM
Heh, this was alright, but in HF True Sakura did say 'besides the flow of magical energy, everything was better than before', but meh logic, who needs that?

Very funny.

ItsaRandomUsername
July 6th, 2011, 05:51 AM
LOGIC?!

http://chaostangent.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/ttgl-08.jpg

Keyne
July 6th, 2011, 05:55 AM
That's because Shirou has now spare dicks in all shapes and sizes. Being artificial is convinient like that.

Mereo Flere
July 6th, 2011, 05:56 AM
I like how a simple thread that began about a boy missing the ability to touch himself at night with his future self's arm that had been grafted to him by a priest managed to lead to people talking about selfcest and double penetration.

Just goes to show you how unpredictable you people can be sometimes.

Keyne
July 6th, 2011, 05:57 AM
Wanna write a fic where Shirou has Saber's arm attached to him and uses it for 'solitary' purposes just for the lulz? XD

Mereo Flere
July 6th, 2011, 06:01 AM
Wanna write a fic where Shirou has Saber's arm attached to him and uses it for 'solitary' purposes just for the lulz? XD

No, that would be too silly. Everybody knows that Shirou has a better arm than Saber already.

Now, Avalon the Fleshlight...

Keyne
July 6th, 2011, 06:03 AM
No, that would be too silly. Everybody knows that Shirou has a better arm than Saber already.

Now, Avalon the Fleshlight...
D'aaw c'mon! XD

Techlet
July 6th, 2011, 06:05 AM
Oh god...

The Sheath of Eternity

Cleans itself and infinitely reusable.

ItsaRandomUsername
July 6th, 2011, 06:07 AM
He'd never need a real woman ever again.

Altima of the Gates
July 6th, 2011, 06:13 AM
That's because Shirou has now spare dicks in all shapes and sizes. Being artificial is convinient like that.

Best thing? It's not artificial. The body, with all it's bells and whistles just becomes 100% Shirou.

I'm surprised more humorous fics about his new ability to change bodies at any point in time isn't more exploited. Hehehe.

Mereo Flere
July 6th, 2011, 06:19 AM
Best thing? It's not artificial. The body, with all it's bells and whistles just becomes 100% Shirou.

I'm surprised more humorous fics about his new ability to change bodies at any point in time isn't more exploited. Hehehe.

"Sakura, do you know where Shirou is, I haven't seen him all- why are there two of you?"

"Nee-san, I can explain!"

"The other one is Shirou, isn't she?"

"...Tohsaka, I can explain."

"Look, just... put some clothes on. Both of you."

Techlet
July 6th, 2011, 06:27 AM
"Sakura, is this really okay with you?"

"Mmhmm sempai, I've always wanted to go fuck myself...*blush*"

DreamsRequiem
July 6th, 2011, 06:29 AM
Mereo Flere needs to be cloned. Who's with me?

None of those imitations can surpass the awesomeness of the original! There can only be one Mereo Flere, the one with the ability to make the world explode with laughter!

Keyne
July 6th, 2011, 06:38 AM
Best thing? It's not artificial. The body, with all it's bells and whistles just becomes 100% Shirou.
He was placed into a doll. Artificial enough to me.

xelloss
July 6th, 2011, 08:01 AM
...What did I just read?

Ah. Mereo. That's why.

Keyne
July 6th, 2011, 08:13 AM
Geez, now I want to see a fic where Saber and Shirou switch bodies for a day, funny stuff happens around the household, and in the night they try a mana transfer to see if it would help them get each's real body back. Naturally, it does. Then, the next morning, they lie next to each other pondering about what happened the previous day, all flustered... and in one moment Saber gets all red like a tomato, covers her mouth with the sheat, looks at Shirou with those apologetic jade eyes of hers and asks: "S-shirou, w-was it... salty?"

RadiantBeam
July 6th, 2011, 09:08 AM
"Sakura, is this really okay with you?"

"Mmhmm sempai, I've always wanted to go fuck myself...*blush*"

....

*reaches for brain bleach*

Theocrass
July 6th, 2011, 09:12 AM
He was placed into a doll. Artificial enough to me.

You're being deliberately obtuse. :p

His physical body isn't what makes him Shirou.

Keyne
July 6th, 2011, 09:22 AM
You're being deliberately obtuse. :p

His physical body isn't what makes him Shirou.
Hurr '3'

Theocrass
July 6th, 2011, 09:39 AM
So, instead of continuing this, let's discuss Mereo's awesome story!

Tobias
July 6th, 2011, 09:48 AM
well, I will never sleep again.

Keyne
July 6th, 2011, 09:54 AM
well, I will never sleep again.
I'll sing you a lullaby if you want me to. Every night. 'c'

Theocrass
July 6th, 2011, 09:55 AM
I thought that was a special thing you only did for me? D:

Keyne
July 6th, 2011, 09:58 AM
I thought that was a special thing you only did for me? D:
I don't have to sing. You just crush that Sakura dakimakura between your limbs and go to sleep like a baby bear. 'c'

Techlet
July 6th, 2011, 10:00 AM
I'll sing you a lullaby if you want me to. Every night. 'c'

I'm a little G-spot,
Short and stout.
Here is my handle,
Here is my...
Yeeeeeaaaaaaaahhhhhhhyeahyeah
yeahyeahohohgodohgodohgod
godohgodohhhhhgooooood
ueaahhhuehhhughhghh

Keyne
July 6th, 2011, 10:05 AM
I'm a little G-spot,
Short and stout.
Here is my handle,
Here is my...
Yeeeeeaaaaaaaahhhhhhhyeahyeah
yeahyeahohohgodohgodohgod
godohgodohhhhhgooooood
ueaahhhuehhhughhghh
You like it, don't you? :3

Alulim
July 6th, 2011, 11:08 AM
You guys never fail to make me laugh.

Froggie
July 6th, 2011, 11:13 AM
Laughter is good while at home, but it's truly tragic when you start snickering at work, smiling like a cat that just swalloed a canary.

Tobias
July 6th, 2011, 11:15 AM
I do that all the time. course I sit in a tiny, cramped little cubicle thats quite a ways back from anyone of note, so it rarely comes up.

on one hand, I cant stretch out my arms, on the other, I am basically confined to solitary at my office, meaning as long as they still hear me talking on the office phone with clients, I can phone post to BL.


alot.


and thats why emohawk clocks in at least 8 hours a day on the forumz!

SeiKeo
July 6th, 2011, 11:15 AM
^^ And everybody looks at you like you're insane, then you think to yourself, I could either explain this, or I could just seem crazy, and you pick crazy.

Techlet
July 6th, 2011, 11:24 AM
Laughter is good while at home, but it's truly tragic when you start snickering at work, smiling like a cat that just swalloed a canary.

Even worse, during a massive lecture, scoring weird looks from EVERYONE, including the lecturer.

Don't ask me why I was on BL when I should have been paying attention to the lecture.

SeiKeo
July 6th, 2011, 11:26 AM
Even worse, during a massive lecture, scoring weird looks from EVERYONE, including the lecturer.

Don't ask me why I was on BL when I should have been paying attention to the lecture.

Was the lecture at least boring?

Techlet
July 6th, 2011, 11:28 AM
Was the lecture at least boring?

It was a guest lecture on open heart surgery. ;_;

SeiKeo
July 6th, 2011, 11:29 AM
So, at least you have an excuse.

Techlet
July 6th, 2011, 11:39 AM
It was really important though. And the lecturer (head of cardiology in our university hospital) was not amused.

ringlhach
July 6th, 2011, 11:41 AM
Wow. Yeah, that's bad juju. Did he at least say something funny/entertaining/odd?

Techlet
July 6th, 2011, 11:45 AM
Wow. Yeah, that's bad juju. Did he at least say something funny/entertaining/odd?

Nope, he just kept going and stormed out of the theater when he was finished. I'm just glad he didn't lodge a complaint.

Pata Hikari
July 6th, 2011, 12:05 PM
Perverts.

Every single one of you should be ashamed.

Altima of the Gates
July 6th, 2011, 01:08 PM
"Sakura, do you know where Shirou is, I haven't seen him all- why are there two of you?"

"Nee-san, I can explain!"

"The other one is Shirou, isn't she?"

"...Tohsaka, I can explain."

"Look, just... put some clothes on. Both of you."

Sakura: Nee-san is no fun...*pout*

Rin: Well we're here at the school. But....*grins*

Shirou: *thinking* Oh shi-

Rin: *Meet me at this undisclosed location at 10 PM and bring plenty of-

Sakura: -whipped cream, cherries, and 'Big Joe'?

Rin: Now you're catching on. I'll look forward to testing that new body out. *licks lips*

Shirou: *gulps*.....Tohsaka, Sakura, what's 'Big Joe'?

Sakura: *gets dressed* Alright see you tonight, nee-san. *goes back to class, planning to buy more cherries for tonight*

Shirou: But-

Rin: See you tonight, you two.

*Shirou, in his new body, still nude, has his mouth hanging open as he sees the sisters walk off*

Shirou: WHAT'S BIG JOE?!!

@Pata

Yes, yes we are. But you already knew that.

Alulim
July 6th, 2011, 01:11 PM
Uh oh...

RadiantBeam
July 6th, 2011, 02:27 PM
... Should I feel sorry for Shirou?

Ivan The Mouse
July 7th, 2011, 01:51 AM
Big Joe...

...Even the bastards at Urban Dictionary can't show the meaning!

Mereo Flere
July 7th, 2011, 01:55 AM
It was actually a typo.

What Altima really meant to type out was "Big Toe."

Yes, that's it. Shirou needs to bring his Big Toe.

Ergast
July 11th, 2011, 11:01 AM
Geez, now I want to see a fic where Saber and Shirou switch bodies for a day, funny stuff happens around the household, and in the night they try a mana transfer to see if it would help them get each's real body back. Naturally, it does. Then, the next morning, they lie next to each other pondering about what happened the previous day, all flustered... and in one moment Saber gets all red like a tomato, covers her mouth with the sheat, looks at Shirou with those apologetic jade eyes of hers and asks: "S-shirou, w-was it... salty?"

Dammit, now I'm remembering that doujin where this happens with Shirou and Rin, and thanks to Saber, Rin in Shirou's body thinks she is Shirou until Archer discovers that yes, his master is in his younger self body, thanks to the plump tea. Absolutely adorable, a pity it ends at the begining of the HGW (that's why I said dammit).


You guys never fail to make me laugh.

Curious, in my case they never fall to make me feel uncomfortable.


Perverts.

Every single one of you should be ashamed.

I'll agree with you, but then I remembered that probably I'm just as pervert as them, just in another way. And probably a less deviant way, but I'm still a pervert.

Keyne
July 11th, 2011, 11:17 AM
Dammit, now I'm remembering that doujin where this happens with Shirou and Rin, and thanks to Saber, Rin in Shirou's body thinks she is Shirou until Archer discovers that yes, his master is in his younger self body, thanks to the plump tea. Absolutely adorable, a pity it ends at the begining of the HGW (that's why I said dammit).
Yeah, it was silly. ^^

Neir
July 11th, 2011, 02:57 PM
How the fuck did I miss this?!

FANTABULOUS!

amado
December 13th, 2011, 06:25 AM
*necro*
just want to say I really love this and find it hilarious.

hopefully you come back again mereo.

*scurries away*