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VelspertheCat
August 8th, 2011, 09:26 PM
Index-o

Act 1:

Chapter 1 - Right Here
Chapter 2 (http://forums.nrvnqsr.com/showthread.php/883-Eureka%21-or-How-I-Learned-To-Stop-Worrying-and-Love-Structual-Analysis.-Proof-of-Concept?p=295228&viewfull=1#post295228)
Chapter 3, Part I (http://forums.nrvnqsr.com/showthread.php/883-Eureka%21-or-How-I-Learned-To-Stop-Worrying-and-Love-Structual-Analysis.-Proof-of-Concept?p=319087&viewfull=1#post319087)
Chapter 3, Part II (http://forums.nrvnqsr.com/showthread.php/883-Eureka%21-or-How-I-Learned-To-Stop-Worrying-and-Love-Structual-Analysis.-Proof-of-Concept?p=320574&viewfull=1#post320574)
Chapter 4 (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7267243/4/Eureka)
Chapter 5 (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7267243/5/Eureka)
Chapter 6, Part I (http://forums.nrvnqsr.com/showthread.php/883-Eureka%21-or-How-I-Learned-To-Stop-Worrying-and-Love-Structual-Analysis?p=796555&viewfull=1#post796555)
Chapter 6, Part II (http://forums.nrvnqsr.com/showthread.php/883-Eureka%21-or-How-I-Learned-To-Stop-Worrying-and-Love-Structual-Analysis?p=803352&viewfull=1#post803352)
Chapter 6, Part III (http://forums.nrvnqsr.com/showthread.php/883-Eureka%21-or-How-I-Learned-To-Stop-Worrying-and-Love-Structual-Analysis?p=806783&viewfull=1#post806783)
Chapter 7, Part I (http://forums.nrvnqsr.com/showthread.php/883-Eureka%21-or-How-I-Learned-To-Stop-Worrying-and-Love-Structual-Analysis?p=810516&viewfull=1#post810516)
Chapter 7, Part II (http://forums.nrvnqsr.com/showthread.php/883-Eureka%21-or-How-I-Learned-To-Stop-Worrying-and-Love-Structual-Analysis?p=830684&viewfull=1#post830684)
Chapter 8, Part I (http://forums.nrvnqsr.com/showthread.php/883-Eureka%21-or-How-I-Learned-To-Stop-Worrying-and-Love-Structual-Analysis?p=836955&viewfull=1#post836955)
Chapter 8, Part II (http://forums.nrvnqsr.com/showthread.php/883-Eureka%21-or-How-I-Learned-To-Stop-Worrying-and-Love-Structual-Analysis?p=841392&viewfull=1#post841392)
Chapter 8, Part III (http://forums.nrvnqsr.com/showthread.php/883-Eureka%21-or-How-I-Learned-To-Stop-Worrying-and-Love-Structual-Analysis?p=846417&viewfull=1#post846417)

Interlude 1 (http://forums.nrvnqsr.com/showthread.php/883?p=1020041&viewfull=1#post1020041)
Interlude 2 (http://forums.nrvnqsr.com/showthread.php/883?p=1022212&viewfull=1#post1022212)

Act 2:

Chapter 9, Part I (http://forums.nrvnqsr.com/showthread.php/883?p=1025147&viewfull=1#post1025147)
Chapter 9, Part II (http://forums.nrvnqsr.com/showthread.php/883?p=1034136&viewfull=1#post1034136)
Chapter 10, Part I (http://forums.nrvnqsr.com/showthread.php/883?p=1036955&viewfull=1#post1036955)
Chapter 10, Part II (http://forums.nrvnqsr.com/showthread.php/883?p=1039193&viewfull=1#post1039193)
Chapter 11 (http://forums.nrvnqsr.com/showthread.php/883-Eureka!-or-How-I-Learned-To-Stop-Worrying-and-Love-Structual-Analysis?p=1041788&viewfull=1#post1041788)
Chapter 12 (http://forums.nrvnqsr.com/showthread.php/883-Eureka!-or-How-I-Learned-To-Stop-Worrying-and-Love-Structual-Analysis?p=1282029&viewfull=1#post1282029)
Chapter 13, Part I
(http://forums.nrvnqsr.com/showthread.php/883-Eureka!-or-How-I-Learned-To-Stop-Worrying-and-Love-Structual-Analysis?p=1286653&viewfull=1#post1286653)Chapter 13, Part II (http://forums.nrvnqsr.com/showthread.php/883-Eureka!-or-How-I-Learned-To-Stop-Worrying-and-Love-Structual-Analysis?p=1289038&viewfull=1#post1289038)
Chapter 13, Part III (http://forums.nrvnqsr.com/showthread.php/883-Eureka!-or-How-I-Learned-To-Stop-Worrying-and-Love-Structual-Analysis?p=1294128&viewfull=1#post1294128)
Chapter 14 (http://forums.nrvnqsr.com/showthread.php/883-Eureka!-or-How-I-Learned-To-Stop-Worrying-and-Love-Structual-Analysis?p=1366565&viewfull=1#post1366565)
Chapter 15 (http://forums.nrvnqsr.com/showthread.php/883-Eureka%21-or-How-I-Learned-To-Stop-Worrying-and-Love-Structual-Analysis?p=1401089&viewfull=1#post1401089)
Chapter 16, Part I (http://forums.nrvnqsr.com/showthread.php/883-Eureka!-or-How-I-Learned-To-Stop-Worrying-and-Love-Structual-Analysis?p=1695345&viewfull=1#post1695345)
Chapter 16, Part II (http://forums.nrvnqsr.com/showthread.php/883-Eureka!-or-How-I-Learned-To-Stop-Worrying-and-Love-Structual-Analysis?p=1699700&viewfull=1#post1699700)
Chapter 16, Part III (http://forums.nrvnqsr.com/showthread.php/883-Eureka!-or-How-I-Learned-To-Stop-Worrying-and-Love-Structual-Analysis?p=1700673&viewfull=1#post1700673)
Chapter 17, Part I (http://forums.nrvnqsr.com/showthread.php/883-Eureka!-or-How-I-Learned-To-Stop-Worrying-and-Love-Structual-Analysis?p=1702368&viewfull=1#post1702368)
Chapter 17, Part II (http://forums.nrvnqsr.com/showthread.php/883-Eureka!-or-How-I-Learned-To-Stop-Worrying-and-Love-Structual-Analysis?p=1705771&viewfull=1#post1705771)
Chapter 17, Part III (http://forums.nrvnqsr.com/showthread.php/883-Eureka!-or-How-I-Learned-To-Stop-Worrying-and-Love-Structual-Analysis?p=1709407&viewfull=1#post1709407)

Interlude 3 (http://forums.nrvnqsr.com/showthread.php/883-Eureka!-or-How-I-Learned-To-Stop-Worrying-and-Love-Structual-Analysis?p=2222614&viewfull=1#post2222614)
Interlude 4 (http://forums.nrvnqsr.com/showthread.php/883-Eureka!-or-How-I-Learned-To-Stop-Worrying-and-Love-Structual-Analysis?p=2280523&viewfull=1#post2280523)

Act 3:


Presents!

http://i.imgur.com/obnj7.png

*****

Fate/Stay Night and its spin offs are properties of Type-Moon, Nitroplus, Image Epoch. All additional references belong to their respective companies.


Eureka! or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love Structural Analysis.


Proof of Concept


*****


It had been more than two years since Kiritsugu Emiya had passed away, leaving behind his adopted son Shirou in the world. Taiga Fujimura worried every day that Shirou was retreating further into himself. The frightening thing to the young woman was he kept a smile on his face the entire time.


Every time she tried to console the boy, he'd merely assure her and then set off to do another lap around the Emiya home. Or ask to be watched over as he practicing cooking in the kitchen. It just wasn't normal.


Taiga was kept awake many nights in worry about the future of the innocent young boy. Such as this night, as she simply stared at the ceiling of her bedroom. 'What can I do, though?' She thought to herself mournfully. 'He just won't let me see what's really inside his heart.'


Unbidden, her vision began to waver a little bit at the edges of her sight. Taiga felt the tip of her nose twitch as her sinuses followed her eyes in acting against the young woman's direction as she silently shook beneath her futon's covers.


A loud rap on her door cut off her misery.


“Mistress Fujimura! Please wake up, Emiya-kun is...!” Kimiko, one of the night shift maids that her grandfather had in the large complex, harshly whispered through the door. Taiga flung her covers away and wiped her nose and eyes as she ran up to and threw open the door.


“What happened to Shirou?!” Taiga demanded, uncaring of showing the other woman her reddened eyes, runny nose, or crumpled and wrinkled pajama top and bottom.


“He's been taken to the hospital. We have a car ready, please follow me!”


Both women broke out into a dash – Taiga's heart practically spewing forth from her throat with the level of anxiety and fear that was surging through her body.


*****


A trio of figures exited from the emergency ward of Fuyuki's hospital.


“You idiot! I was so damned worried!” Taiga barked, slamming the top of her fist into the close cropped red hair on her ward's head. Little Shirou flinched and attempted to weakly defend his cranium, but it was for naught as she dug in and rubbed her knuckles into his head.


“Fuji-nee! Stop!” Shirou whined. His attempts at trying to defend his head were stymied by the crutch he had under one arm to keep him standing.


“You got admitted to the hospital.”


“It was just a pulled hamstring.” He mumbled, a bit embarrassed that he had to go in the first place.


Behind the two, a silent man in a dark suit and tie paced, ready to move in if Taiga needed help supporting the young boy.


“Oh? Then when Tanaka saw you collapse in the middle of the yard a few hours ago, it was nothing?!” Taiga demanded, annoyed with the boy's cavalier attitude towards himself. The suited man shifted a bit awkwardly. “Besides, what were you even doing out there so late?” She demanded.


Shirou wished to reply that he would have been alright, but he couldn't let anyone know what he was doing late at nights. His training as a magus had to be kept absolutely secret – just like his father had told him before he had died.


“I...I just had to clean the shed up before I forgot.” Shirou weakly attempted to explain.


“You should be grateful that grandfather keeps an eye on you when I can't!”


“Ah...” Shirou's attempts at defense were swiftly terminated at that point.


Both Taiga and Tanaka looked a bit concerned as the boy's face seemingly aged in the span of seconds as he adopted a frighteningly mature expression while turning to face the suited man.


“I sincerely apologize that I've caused you so many inconveniences tonight, Tanaka-san.” The boy bowed deeply to the agent.


“It...it's okay, don't worry.” Tanaka awkwardly replied as he tried his best to distance himself from the strange boy.


Shirou smiled, overjoyed that he hadn't been a bother.


'That's it...I'm going to do something about this.' Taiga swore, hating how oblivious the boy was about how he had affected them.


*****


“Fuji-nee, what are we doing?” Shirou, now off his crutches, held onto Taiga's hand as the two of them walked through a small store full of knickknacks. The proprietor noticed them and gave them a polite wave as they headed past him.


“We're getting you a hobby.” Taiga stated in a tone that brooked no argument. “I'm not going to have you running around and getting yourself hurt anymore.”


Not that Shirou was known to be denied so easily.


“But...”


Taiga gave him a sharp glare. Fear caused her to tighten her grip on Shirou's hand. “I might not be able to be around you often thanks to my new schedule at school, but by god I'm going to make sure you don't do something so stupid again.”


Shirou grew alarmed, “Fuji-nee, I can't give up now, though!” He knew that he could only be a hero when he was young – his father had said so!


“Why?”


“B-because...” Shirou hesitated. He knew he'd be lost if he didn't give her a good argument. “Father said so...”


Taiga sighed, but to her ears it sounded more like a death rattle. Her expression softened and her grip on Shirou's hand loosened as she stopped in place. She knelt down in front of the boy and ran her hands through his short hair.


“Fuji-nee...?”


Taiga gave him a sad smile. “You want to make Emiya-san proud, don't you?”


Shirou nodded once. 'I shouldn't...' The boy remembered his promise to his father. He couldn't let her know, but -


Taiga's expression seemed so desolate.


Shirou's decision was made for him when he stared up into Taiga's warm eyes.


“...I want to be an Ally of Justice.” Shirou mumbled.


Maybe he could make her happy if he let her know a little?


*****


Taiga walked away from the Emiya residence in great cheer. She happily waved at her little Shirou, and the boy gave her a wide grin as he energetically waved back. At his feet, several bags with garage models of super heroes were strewn about.


Even if it was a boyish confession, she felt that Shirou had genuinely tried to connect with her today. It was definitely worth the price of a few models.


'Still...a hero, huh?' Taiga wondered as she watched Shirou go back inside his house before she started walking back home to take care of some papers for the teacher she was working under. 'Maybe I can work with that.'


Honestly, who ever heard of someone trying to save the world by punching someone out? These days, it was all about scientific advances saving mankind and the planet.


Taiga happily hummed as she walked away from the Emiya home.





'Fuji-nee looks happier than I've seen her in a long time.' Shirou grinned as he looked over the models that Taiga had bought him. 'Now, what should I do with all of these, though?' He bent down and opened one of the boxes at random.


“Iron Man, huh...” Shirou mused as he looked at the figure with the surprisingly detailed looking red and gold armor. He looked up at the clock nearby. Still a few hours to go before he had to go and practice at the dojo...


'Might be fun.' The redhead decided as he picked up his bags and ran to his room to assemble the models.


*****


As time went on, Taiga grew more and more pleased as her Shirou kept his side hobby. It was a bit of a pain at times, but the slightly (slightly!) older woman was happy she could at least do something nice for the boy.


It grew a bit annoying when the boy would assemble the various models at a ridiculously quick pace, but she privately considered that a good thing. She simply took it as a sign that the boy had an eye for assembling things.


Taiga wondered if there was something more complex she could use, though. She really didn't want to be driven to the poor house by constantly buying models for Shirou, big sister or not.





“You really mean I can have this?” Shirou wondered, eyes shining in the sun as he looked at the engine in front of him, lying beneath a stained tarp. Lying in several separate parts at the moment.


“Ayep!” Taiga grinned a bit deviously. “If you can assemble it like your models, and it's running well, I'll sell it for you and give you the money.” She promised.


The woman had salvaged it from one of her grandfather's garages when they were going to throw it away. She figured this could keep Shirou busy for a good while.


And keep her sake money in her wallet for a bit.


“Hm...but this and that are different?” Shirou wondered, tapping his lips as he walked around the engine.


“Bah! My Shirou isn't such a quitter.” Taiga put on an exaggerated pout. She crossed her arms in front of her and looked away from the redhead. “I should just take this away, then. Isn't like there's anyone here that can help me with this.”


Taiga's calculated words made Shirou's sherry eyes shine.


'Gotcha.' Taiga grinned.





It was later that night when Shirou came out of his haze of work. The boy was sure he had seen Taiga out before he dragged the engine into his garage and slammed the door shut behind him.


Shirou was welcomed by a set of scraps small enough to fit in a television sized box.


This wasn't going according to plan.


The pre-teen sighed as he leaned his back against the wall of the tool shed. “Great. I broke things even more.” He grumbled. Moments later, his stomach joined his whining as he realized he was positively starving.


Shirou stood up and moved towards the door and opened it with a grunt of exertion. His yard, drenched in silver light, spread out before him. The grass swayed serenely before him as a mild breeze cooled the sweaty boy.


'Gah...I missed working out tonight.' Shirou realized with a guilty start once he was halfway to the main house, staring anxiously over at the dojo. 'I need to pace myself better next time,' He promised himself as he went to grab a bite to eat.


Then he could try to piece together the engine again.


Just for a little while longer.


*****


His dreams that night competed between the most beautiful sword he had ever seen. It was forged out of dreams and honor, sharper and heavier than duty itself, and one of the most noble things he had never been exposed to in his short life.


And a box of scraps.


Shirou Emiya angrily tackled the problem of the engine before it ruined more of his dreams.





“Wait,” Taiga spoke into the office phone. In the background, her senior – an older man who was training her to take over his teaching position when he retired – impatiently tapped his foot as he waited on her. “I think something crazy got into my ear.” She pressed her fingers into her other ear and strained her right ear.


“Shirou Emiya was absent from school today.” The voice of Shirou's middle school truancy officer blandly replied. “You're his contact. Where. is. He?” The man, who sounded like he got off on his position when no one was watching, carefully enunciated each word.


“Uhm...” Taiga glanced over at her senior and then looked at the phone with a weak shrug and half hearted smile.


Her senior frowned.


...


“SHIROU EMIYA, GET OUT HERE SO I CAN PROPERLY PROJECT AT YOU!” Taiga's booming voice sent birds into flight and Shirou scrambling for his life later that afternoon.


The scraps had been reassembled into larger pieces, though.


*****


Shirou dragged himself tiredly into the shed. Today had become a long and stressful day when he had been pulled along by his classmates to help them find several escaped gerbils at a park. Immediately afterward he had been shanghaied by Taiga to go shopping with her, and he hadn't been able to say no to her hopeful face.


The boy glanced at the engine parts strewn about the shed and then he looked at his usual perch where he practiced magecraft.


Shirou shrugged. He tended to concentrate better when he had something to assemble...





It was still as painful as ever. Only his word to his father made this exercise seem even remotely palatable to the young boy these days. However, he knew that he could never let his father down, so he metaphorically rammed the iron poker down his spine as he created his magic circuit.


“Trace on.”


In his hands, a set of worn down, useless parts from former attempts at assembly were gracefully worked together.





The next morning Shirou started awake as he distantly heard Taiga's voice. The redhead's eyes widened as his assembled part tumbled from his hands and towards the unforgiving cement.


“Aa-”


It bounced with an echoing thud. The boy pushed himself away from the wall he had been leaning on and moved towards the part with worry in his heart...


“Huh?”


Yet the piece was whole. No visible sign at all of it having broken appeared.


“Shirou, get up! I'm making breakfast~” Taiga's words slithered into his brain like a curse. The worst possible future had appeared before him!


“W-wait, Fuji-nee!” Shirou quickly set the part aside and desperately ran to save his kitchen.





When the part later was disassembled later that day, Shirou saw that it was like the parts had been remade better than before.


*****


Shirou glanced at the writing board he had set up in the tool shed. On it were random scribbles about his thoughts.


He stepped back from the board after finishing writing on it before turning over to a recent job he had taken up.


Taiga's computer, or at least its hard drive, sat in front of him. She had gotten tipsy one night and it was just fried now.


He didn't want to ask what had happened, but the moisture inside of it spoke volumes.


So much for his image of her as a responsible person.


Still, he had gone ahead and tried to repair it using Reinforcement, like he had that one part a month ago.


The redhead moved up to the board and crossed another of his father's teachings off the board.


Next to Taiga's hard drive there was another one. It was the same brand, and he had deliberately damaged it in the same way after reading through all the books that Taiga had given him on the subject.


However, this one was repaired using his father's ideas of Reinforcement.


'Time to do a side by side test.'





Shirou wound up returning Taiga's hard drive to her later that night. He simply told her he was experimenting with different ways of repair when she asked him why he had wanted to test the other one.


It hadn't worked right at all.


*****


“Happy birthday, Shirou!”


Taiga, Raiga Fujimura, and the maid staff cheered when Shirou sheepishly blew out his birthday candles. The boy blushed heavily as the group around him laughed and clapped for him when they saw his sheepish reaction.


Taiga strolled up to the boy before he could try and duck into a corner of the room. “Hold on, birthday boy.” Her words stopped Shirou cold.


“What is it, Fuji-nee?” Shirou smiled at her.


Before Taiga could continue, her grandfather had strolled up to the two of them. “We've been talking about your presents,” He replied.


“What do you mean?” Shirou wondered. He glanced over at the other side of the room. A few models and various tools he had been eying for the last few months were piled up on a table.


“Well, I wanted to talk about my present, of course.”


Both Taiga and Shirou awkwardly looked at the man.


The head of the Fujimura family cackled a bit. “No need to worry, you two. I won't offer Shirou another go against my sumo wrestlers.”


Taiga breathed a sigh of relief. At least that was one less concern for her.


“This year.”


Taiga stiffened.


Shirou smiled, glad he didn't have to put on a fundoshi. Those things rode up like hell.


“I know you two have been getting spare engines from the shops, right?” When Taiga and Shirou sheepishly nodded, he smiled. “Well, what if I let you have full access to our shops? You can work on the parts whenever you want.” His offer made Shirou boggle in surprise.


“Grandfather...!” Taiga gasped.


“Hee hee. Youth should be encouraged.” Raiga smiled a bright smile at Taiga. “I'm glad you've been guiding Shirou down this path. The world needs more scientists and engineers in it.” He glanced seriously over at Shirou. “I'd be honored if this was a stepping stone in your path, my boy.”


“Fujimura-sama...”


“Call me Grandfather, Shirou.”


...


Shirou's dreams that night were filled with swords and a completed engine.


*****


“Do you think you can get this fixed?” The president of his middle school wondered. In front of Shirou and the girl was a nonfunctional speaker. Shirou himself was kneeling behind it as he loosened a few screws to reveal a mass of wires.


The school president ducked down to be at Shirou's level as she looked at him. “Is it a lost cause?” She wondered, moving a bit closer to the redhead as he poked and examined the interior of it with a critical eye.


“I'm going to have to borrow a few books, but I think I can get it fixed.” Shirou mused, not seeing how the girl was moving even closer. He quickly tucked the screws away into his tool belt and scooped the innards of the speaker back into it before suddenly standing up. The redhead looked down at the bemused – and oddly frustrated – looking president. “I'll get to work right away!”


With that, he turned and quickly rushed out of the room.


Moments later, a few girls peeked into the audio visual room where the president had dragged Shirou off to when classes ended. They immediately began to giggle and smirk at her.


“Oh shut up.” She muttered, blushing furiously.





By the time that Shirou got to Fujimura's garage it had been pretty dark. He quickly rang up Taiga as he set his tools and the speaker up on various tables.


“Fuji-nee, it's me.” Shirou began, shifting the cordless phone around.


“Shiiiirou, I'm hungry.” Taiga immediately greeted with a whine. “Where are you?”


“I'm at the garage...”


“Again? That's the third time this week. Is that school president running you ragged again?!” Taiga demanded.


“No! She just needs help with these things.” Shirou defended her even as he walked over towards another side of the room. The smell of grease that had never quite been able to be removed from the ground lingered in the air as he plucked one of the various books Taiga bought him – this one on electronics - off a steel bookcase in the corner.“They give us so little budget...”


“Yeah, the school district here sucks.” Taiga agreed with a huff. “Did you know they held off my raise again?”


Shirou decided to remain quiet.


“Shirou.” The older woman whined again.


Better a whine than a mauling.


“I'll be back in a few hours.” Shirou promised. There was shuffling on the other end of the line, but Taiga finally gave in.


“Okay. I'll wait up for you, then!” Taiga cheerfully replied before hanging up.


“Hm.” Shirou walked back and set the phone up on its charger before going to the speaker. “Now then, let's see if we can get you working.”


“Trace on.”


The world around Shirou dimmed as he touched the speaker with his hands and gazed into it with his prana.


'Judging the concept of creation...'


Everything had a concept or idea that had driven it to be made. The speaker was made for communication.


'Hypothesizing the basic structure...'


Odic energy, magical power from Shirou's own body, gently surged into the speaker from the tips of his fingers. Soon the shape of the item made itself clear to his eyes.


From there, destruction.


The speaker broke apart in his mind's eye into its various parts. The damaged portions were appearing before him blatantly.


However, this was also his magecraft practice.


Now came the harder parts.


'Duplicating the composition material...'


Each individual part of the speaker doubled in his mind's eye. They floated around in a chaotic mix. The earthly minerals that all of it was composed off rattled in the back of his mind.


'Imitating the skill of its making...'


Knowledge gleaned from many books was referenced, but his connection to the object itself let him look deep into it. To experience its creation from the point of view of the object.


He wondered if he was mad some days.


'Sympathizing with the experience of its growth...'


Then again, the path of a magus only held madness and death, right? This...at least in this he had a means of reference. From the device, its link to the engineers that had made it followed. It made him feel very small in the face of what engineers had done before.


'Reproducing the accumulated years...'


The weight of those years. The concepts that had been the foundation of those ideas. All of it flowed through him and projected out towards the chaos in his mind's eye.


'Exceeding every manufacturing process...'


Time to bring form to thought.


Shirou grit his teeth as his spine arched and he nearly broke down sobbing. His skin felt like it was being peeled off his back. His back felt like it was going to melt. Bile rose to his throat, but he willed it back down.


The image of the second speaker assembled.


'Go...'


Shirou willed it out of his mind.





By the time that Shirou woke up and got back home, Taiga only got to yell at him for about three minutes before she had to head home for the night.


A set of speakers, one repaired and the other having been projected into reality by Shirou's imagination, sat side by side in Shirou's bedroom.


*****


Shirou led his new friend, Shinji Matou, into his home after school. The blue haired boy seemed eager to hang around him, but Shirou wasn't sure why. The other boy was much more popular than Shirou, and he was always surrounded by girls.


“Nice place you have, Emiya.” Shinji mused, glad to get to hang out with the boy.


“You think so, Matou?” Shirou wondered, not hiding his look of surprise at all.


Shinji grinned. The catty looks of his classmates were shoved to the back of his mind as he crossed his arms behind his head. “Yeah, so what do you do for fun?” He wondered.


“Well, I work on some things in my garage and work out...” Shirou admitted.


Shinji's nose wrinkled in faint distaste. “Ugh, oil again?” He glanced at Shirou's hands, which were stained with the stuff.


“Eheh. Sorry.” Shirou sheepishly smiled.


“...it's fine.” Shinji graciously dismissed the idea. “How about you show me that stuff?” He allowed. It might be interesting seeing some engines up close. It wasn't like he normally had the chance with his intense studies.


“Okay!” Shirou grinned.


Shinji happily followed after Shirou.





“So, you going to be a engineer or something?” Shinji wondered, privately marveling at Shirou's explanations of the computer he was assembling. That had been one of the most easy to follow instructions he had ever heard.


Shirou nodded. “I have a shop that Grandfather gave me. I have a lot of books and stuff that I read during my spare time.” He modestly replied.


Shinji let out a low whistle. 'Good to see I'm not hanging out with a flake, then.' He approved.


“So what's your goal?” Shinji prodded, curious about his new friend's career.


“I'm going to invent something to make the world better.” Shirou substituted out his Ally of Justice spiel. Best only keep that to himself or he'd get laughed at again.


Apparently this was part of what his father had told him. No one took you seriously after a certain age if you said that.


“I'm going to get into the family business.” Shinji replied. “Maybe marry my sister to some nice family.” He started looking around at the various parts and tools curiously.


“Oh yeah, what do they do?” Shirou wondered. He moved aside a cart to open up space.


Revealing a faint runic circle that made Shinji's eyes bug out and his tongue slip.


“Magic...!”


A heavy silence descended on the two boys.


“Uhm...” Shirou finally broke it.


A bead of sweat ran down Shinji's back. 'Oh no, oh no, oh no!' His hands rose to his mouth in silent horror.


He'd have to kill his new friend now, right?


...right!


Shirou, seeing the expression for what it was, raised his hands.


“W-wait! Don't do anything stupid!”


“I'm not doing anything stupid!” Shinji retorted, arming himself with a wrench.


“That seems pretty stupid to me!” Shirou backed up.


Shinji came in swinging. “Shows how little you know!”


“I'm a magus too!” Shirou yelped, trying to save his own life as he ducked a shockingly fast attack.


Another heavy silence descended.





“Really, I'm sorry for trying to kill you...” Shinji apologized yet again. The two of them had relocated to Shirou's garage shop after the truth had spilled from the bag.


“I know. You said it ten times already.” Shirou grumbled. The sincere look of remorse in Shinji's face made the redhead buckle. “Fine, fine. You're forgiven. Again.”


Shinji squirmed on the stool that Shirou had brought him. In his excitement and nervousness, he wasn't sure what to ask Shirou about first.


“You okay?” Shirou worried.


“Y-yes!” Shinji yelped. When Shirou stared, he shook his head. “I just thought...well, that we were the only ones.” He paused for a moment. “The Matou.” He added at the end.


“My father was really the one who was the magus in the family.” Shirou's expression fell. “He died before he could teach me much.”


“Oh...” Shinji tried to rally something good out of this. “W-why...why don't we compare notes, then?” He wondered, eager to hear something. His grandfather hadn't really taught him anything at all, saying that it wasn't time yet. “I have some books I can sneak out...”


“Uhm...so you want to learn a little from me?”


“And you from me.” Shinji quickly added. He wasn't going to be taking handouts from anyone. “How about it?”


*****


Taiga sighed and listlessly stirred a cup of tea with her finger as she sat in the living room of the Emiya house. The only sounds were the television in front of her and the microwave heating up some food that Shirou had made her before heading out with Shinji.


While it was great that Shirou had made such a good friend, she had been feeling neglected lately.


'Look at me, getting jealous of a boy.' Taiga laughed and shook her head. 'Maybe it's time I find a hobby of my own.' She had heard that the school was going to be starting up an archery club soon...


Thoughts of getting both boys to join the club and her poetic revenge bounced in her head.


'Just one more year before they're at my mercy.'


A knocking at the front door disturbed her increasingly elaborate schemes, and Taiga glanced up. When another knock sounded, she stood up and headed for the front door with a grumble.


“It better not be you, Shirou.” Taiga grumbled. Inwardly she preened. “I was just sitting down to watch television and...”


The door swung open.


A delicate looking girl, with a pale complexion and plum hair and eyes, looked up at her. Taiga noticed that the girl was dressed in the uniform of the same school that Shinji and Shirou attended.


“Ha...?” Taiga narrowed her eyes in confusion.


The girl took a step back from Taiga in surprise. “H-hello...” Her voice sounded odd, like something rusty and not used often. “A-are you Shinji?”


Taiga blinked. “No...?” She offered.


The girl, realizing what she said, raised her hands and rapidly shook her head back and forth. “N-no, i-is b-brother...” She closed her eyes for a moment and composed herself. “My brother Shinji Matou.”


Taiga decided to take pity on the girl.


“No, he is with Shirou. They won't be back until late.” Again.


Taiga cleared her throat when the schoolgirl offered her a bow and turned to leave. “Hey...why don't you wait for them with me?” She offered hopefully. “You can go back with him that way.”


The girl paused. “Sakura Matou.” She quietly offered.


Taiga grinned. “Taiga Fujimura.” The woman moved back into the house so Sakura could enter. “Do you like soap operas...?”





Shirou and Shinji were laughing as they approached the Emiya home.


“I swear, some of that stuff is *so* stupid.” Shirou laughed.


“Oh god, do you think your dad and my grandpa had to sell their 'magic potions' for money when they were young?” Shinji wondered, scandalized at the thought.


Shirou and Shinji stared at each other for a few moments before cracking up anew.


The redhead unlatched the door and let the blue haired boy in first.


“Still, some of that was good.” Shinji mused. The passage about Atlas that Shirou had found was actually intriguing. He felt bad for those poor magi, though. No way of using magic normally since they lacked circuits.


“Fuji-nee, we're home!” Shirou called out as they slipped deeper into the house.


“Hey Shirou! We got a guest.” Taiga's voice called out.


Intrigued, Shirou opened the door.


Both Shinji and Sakura gasped as one.


Sakura since she saw the book that she needed to read, and had gone missing from the library, firmly in Shinji's arms. Shinji gasped due to the sight of Sakura with chocolate liberally smeared around her mouth and a giant piece of cake in front of her.


“S-sempai!” Sakura squeaked, dropping her fork as she stared at Shirou in shock.


Shinji glanced at Sakura and then at Shirou in turn in surprise.


Taiga looked as pleased as always while she poured Sakura some milk. “I found myself a kid. Can I keep her?”





“Fuji..Fujimura-san was nice.” Sakura quietly gave her opinion as both she and her brother walked to their home later that night.


“Mmhmm.” Shinji replied awkwardly. He had spotted the looks that Sakura had given the tome in his arms. He was going to have to sneak it in and hope to bribe Sakura into forgetting about it.


Grandpa would flay him alive if he found out that he had snuck out a book. It'd be even worse if he dragged his ignorant sister into things.


Sakura glanced at Shinji. “Are...” She paused for a long moment. “Are you okay?” Her older brother looked pensive at the moment.


“Eh?” Shinji snapped out of imagining gruesome scenarios for himself. He discarded the thought of smacking Sakura's into unconsciousness and trying to play it all off as a dream. That'd just be stupid. “I'm okay.”


Sakura offered him a faint smile. It was nice that he had found someone new to hang out with.


'Still...Emiya-san was a magus. Should I tell grandpa?' Sakura wondered, having felt the odic energy flow from the boy into her own circuits through her family's sorcery trait.


Shinji hummed a tune to himself.


'No...it's okay if he doesn't know.' Sakura thought as she happily trailed behind her brother. 'Everyone's happier just not knowing.'


*****


Shirou gazed into the depths of the magic circle before him. Next to him there was a notebook which had sketches of other magic circles that had been used by the Matou family. Apparently these allowed one to summon beings to serve the user.


He compared the notebook's sketches to the magic circle in his mind's eye. The damaged and worn out parts were replaced as he brought out the history of the circle and the skill of its makers.


'Magecraft is a science...'


Shirou didn't notice a faint spark run down from his hand into the circle he was touching.


'With science we will triumph.'


He faintly smiled at all the encouragement that Taiga had given him during the last few years.


'And we will all cry out...'


“FOR SCIENCE!” Shirou projected his voice as he finished joking around.


And then the circle exploded.


Dust and chunks of cement pelted Shirou in the face. He choked and attempted to hack up a lung as he fell back to the exit of the shed.


A hazy figure was within the depths of the dust cloud.


“Master...” The voice was feminine. A pair of eyes, one green and the other blue, lit up from within the gloom of the cloud. “Master...!”


The sound of metallic heels striking the ground worried Shirou enough that he threw open the door to make a break for it. Just when he was about to run, a young girl, about five foot, six inches tall with magenta colored hair and clad in a frilly white gown, stepped out of the dust cloud.


She had a golden horn jutting out from her forehead.


The girl's hair draped back over her eyes as a pleased smile crossed her face as she brought her hands, clad in silk gloves, up to her chest as she let out a heartfelt sigh. A shroud of electricity slammed into her from the generator that had been in the back of the room, drenching the room in darkness.


'This...isn't very good, is it?' Shirou thought as his vision was consumed by darkness and two glowing eyes.

Alulim
August 8th, 2011, 09:31 PM
Frankie!!!!!



You just made Al a very happy deer.

VelspertheCat
August 8th, 2011, 09:35 PM
Eureka!

Alulim
August 8th, 2011, 09:37 PM
How did you know that I was planning to use her in my own fic? ...wait, I probably posted it somewhere.

Bloble
August 8th, 2011, 09:37 PM
...What is this a crossover of? I honestly don't know.

VelspertheCat
August 8th, 2011, 09:37 PM
Nothing. It's just pure Fate/Stay Night. Another AU. With SCIENCE!

Alulim
August 8th, 2011, 09:39 PM
SCIENCE is a formula for WIN.

deviatesfish
August 8th, 2011, 09:41 PM
I am not worthy, Velsper-sensei!

VelspertheCat
August 8th, 2011, 09:48 PM
Eh. It isn't that good. I typo'd the title on the threads. *sadface*

mangafreak7793
August 8th, 2011, 09:50 PM
YEAH FOR SCIENCE.

Why do I get the feeling Sion's going to be in it!

If she is, Shirou and her will rule with SCIENCE!

burningclaw2
August 8th, 2011, 09:55 PM
Semi-Girl genius cross

Alulim
August 8th, 2011, 09:55 PM
Why do I get the feeling Sion's going to be in it!

If she is, Shirou and her will rule with SCIENCE!That's my story...kinda.

mangafreak7793
August 8th, 2011, 09:57 PM
That's my story...kinda.

Which one?

Alulim
August 8th, 2011, 09:57 PM
The VARDANT one, Dust of Osiris is in it. And I had planned for Shirou to summon Frankie at some point...

mangafreak7793
August 8th, 2011, 09:58 PM
Ooooh, where is it?

Alulim
August 8th, 2011, 10:03 PM
Here (http://forums.nrvnqsr.com/showthread.php/570-Fate-Machina-VARDANT), he hasn't unlocked the full power of SCIENCE quite yet...but it is inevitable.

mangafreak7793
August 8th, 2011, 10:04 PM
^ Is it SionxShirou?

lethum
August 8th, 2011, 10:05 PM
Don't stop!

Alulim
August 8th, 2011, 10:05 PM
...eventually.


Aaaand lets stop here, don't want to hijack the thread. I wonder how Velsper will deal with Frankie's lack of that one emotion~

nununu
August 8th, 2011, 10:10 PM
Sakura summons Jack-the-Ripper = Auto-Bad End =D

I ish phrez blud.

mangafreak7793
August 8th, 2011, 10:11 PM
I wonder if Shinji and Shirou are still going to be friends after this....

THough to be honest I thought it was GLADOS when he first summon.

lethum
August 8th, 2011, 10:19 PM
I thought Olivie Segbert.

...


Yeah, I knew it wasn't, given the disclaimer at the top.

VelspertheCat
August 8th, 2011, 10:23 PM
Boat lights?

Boat lights.

Alulim
August 8th, 2011, 10:24 PM
Indeed, Al has a boat with lights. So Al has boat lights.

mangafreak7793
August 8th, 2011, 10:30 PM
Well as long as they aren't head lights since deers freeze up when they see them.

RR121
August 8th, 2011, 10:39 PM
I demand a doomsday machine. Or else there shall be a doomsday gap.

VelspertheCat
August 8th, 2011, 10:52 PM
The only gap...is in my heart.

You MONSTER.

Here, have some delicious cake. All your friends baked it.

You MONSTER.

Elyrin
August 8th, 2011, 11:35 PM
YES

THERE SHALL BE SCIENCE

Alulim
August 8th, 2011, 11:39 PM
THERE SHALL BE SCIENCEAnd robogasms! Or rogasms, whichever suits your fancy.

VelspertheCat
August 8th, 2011, 11:41 PM
http://i1202.photobucket.com/albums/bb375/VelspertheCat/sciencel.jpg

mangafreak7793
August 8th, 2011, 11:42 PM
Let us all sing 'Still Alive' in honor of this fic. (and science)

Inugami
August 9th, 2011, 12:25 AM
Frankie?

Golden horn?

I don't know what the fuck anymore.

VelspertheCat
August 9th, 2011, 12:27 AM
http://images3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110711202630/typemoon/images/e/e6/Frankenstein_i.png : Looks like a horn to me.

Inugami
August 9th, 2011, 12:32 AM
I assume that's Frankie, but what IS she?

Waaaait. SHE's the one people are talking about when "Apocrypha" comes up and people talk about Frankenstein, isn't she?

What's Apocrypha?


Also, those feet are a crime.

VelspertheCat
August 9th, 2011, 12:33 AM
It was a canceled project for an online-MMORPG Holy Grail War. Lots of designs went in.

No designs came out.

Alulim
August 9th, 2011, 12:36 AM
It is Al's idea paradise.

Muramasa
August 9th, 2011, 12:42 AM
I have no idea where you're going with this... but it's damn good.

Eveonder
August 9th, 2011, 01:02 AM
... did he just summon a servant early?

VelspertheCat
August 9th, 2011, 01:06 AM
She runs off of love.

And hundreds of D cells per second.

Mostly the latter.

deviatesfish
August 9th, 2011, 01:07 AM
Velsper-sensei, how does one become as awesome as you?

Alulim
August 9th, 2011, 01:07 AM
I always wondered if Shirou'll get zapped during a prana recharge. Deciding that for my own fic leaves me stumped.

VelspertheCat
August 9th, 2011, 01:10 AM
Velsper-sensei, how does one become as awesome as you?

I'm not that awesome. My fics aren't very open out on FF.net. Low review count determines awesomitude-ze.


I always wondered if Shirou'll get zapped during a prana recharge. Deciding that for my own fic leaves me stumped.

There's burn creams afterwards. For everything else, there's Masterc-rubbers.

Rubber everywhere.

deviatesfish
August 9th, 2011, 01:11 AM
I'm not that awesome. My fics aren't very open out on FF.net. Low review count determines awesomitude-ze. I refute your argument with: "Perfect Lionheart".

VelspertheCat
August 9th, 2011, 01:14 AM
It's a good argument. However! Look at Nobody Dies or Gabriel Blessing!

*wants people to write about Urobuchi's adventures too* ;_;

Inugami
August 9th, 2011, 01:21 AM
*returns from researching*

Is Astolfo a trap? Long pink hair, hair ribbons and braids, cute face, small frame, wearing a skirt? But all gender pronouns are male.


And I'm confused by the function of King David's sling-stones. It's true that he grabbed a number up off the ground as he advanced on Goliath, but he stunned the giant with the first shot, and his second attack was to take the man's sword and cut his head off with it.


I also don't understand how Frankie can "lack the capacity for sorrow", when her story says that's what she felt when her creator died.

Bloble
August 9th, 2011, 01:21 AM
It's just their fault for not making Fate/Stay Night more mainstream. I bet if some of the more popular authors of FF.net read your story and advertised it it would get lots of reviews.

VelspertheCat
August 9th, 2011, 01:23 AM
*returns from researching*

Is Astolfo a trap? Long pink hair, hair ribbons and braids, cute face, small frame, wearing a skirt? But all gender pronouns are male.

And I'm confused by the function of King David's sling-stones. It's true that he grabbed a number up off the ground as he advanced on Goliath, but he stunned the giant with the first shot, and his second attack was to take the man's sword and cut his head off with it.

I also don't understand how Frankie can "lack the capacity for sorrow", when her story says that's what she felt when her creator died.

Astolfo is a trap, yeah. They didn't do the research with David since it's Japan. With Frankie, I guess they were going with the traditional 'realizes too late that she's something more than a monster' schtick.


It's just their fault for not making Fate/Stay Night more mainstream. I bet if some of the more popular authors of FF.net read your story and advertised it it would get lots of reviews.

Heh. Thanks.

Alulim
August 9th, 2011, 01:28 AM
Is Astolfo a trap?Not just a trap, the trap.

deviatesfish
August 9th, 2011, 01:34 AM
It's a good argument. However! Look at Nobody Dies or Gabriel Blessing!

*wants people to write about Urobuchi's adventures too* ;_;

You know... most of what those people write a absolute crap, right? Like, those "omake files" they have up for Gabriel Blessing's stuff (which are not awesome by the way), most of those "omake" stuff are terrible. Like. Horrible. Most are impossible to read. Though I guess it is flattering if even people like that try to make a fanfiction of your fanfiction. Still...

1) I never read Nobody Dies. I never got into it, other than skimming the first chapter before closing that tab.

2) No. Say no to Gabriel Blessing. No. No, Velsper-sensei, no.

But yeah, getting more reviews is awesome. I think you should just advertise yourself more. I thought Robe and Wizard Hat was awesome.:illya:

VelspertheCat
August 9th, 2011, 01:38 AM
Not just a trap, the trap.

We need to Arturia him. Stat.

I feel threatened by him. :p


You know... most of what those people write a absolute crap, right? Like, those "omake files" they have up for Gabriel Blessing's stuff (which are not awesome by the way), most of those "omake" stuff are terrible. Like. Horrible. Most are impossible to read. Though I guess it is flattering if even people like that try to make a fanfiction of your fanfiction. Still...

1) I never read Nobody Dies. I never got into it, other than skimming the first chapter before closing that tab.

2) No. Say no to Gabriel Blessing. No. No, Velsper-sensei, no.

But yeah, getting more reviews is awesome. I think you should just advertise yourself more. I thought Robe and Wizard Hat was awesome.:illya:

I wish I could do more Ilya modo in the story before I moved to the Tsukihime part of the story, but alas. Zouken is n00blet that had to be stomped out.

mangafreak7793
August 9th, 2011, 01:39 AM
It's a good argument. However! Look at Nobody Dies or Gabriel Blessing!

*wants people to write about Urobuchi's adventures too* ;_;

Heard of it, but I don't like ShinjixAsuka.

He was alright for the Hill of swords but his Seikirei one is a bit lacking....

VelspertheCat
August 9th, 2011, 01:47 AM
Evaverse in that story is freaking fantastic, though. It overdoes things while keeping them from breaking disbelief to a level I only wish I could have done with Wizard Hat.

Sekirei needs some development for the girls. But well, pervy heart that I have is amused with Shirou with a harem of busty aliens.

deviatesfish
August 9th, 2011, 01:49 AM
No, I liked yours better than both of theirs. That's all there is to it. You > Them. I wish I had an inspirational song to post here, but all I have in mind is "I just had sex" by Lonely Island ft. Akon.

Plus, Gabriel Blessing had been gathering a wide variety of followers for a long, long time. And the Eva thing has a huge following on Spacebattles. That's all.

Alulim
August 9th, 2011, 01:49 AM
We need to Arturia him. Stat.

I feel threatened by him. :pI have really thought of writing that, and the conflicted feelings that come with it~

Inugami
August 9th, 2011, 01:54 AM
Whoever did David apparently did enough research to find a Hebrew game of jacks, where one stone is thrown up in the air and you try to grab five off the ground. At least, the page claims there is such a game, which served as an inspirational basis.


I really like Gabriel's Sekirei crossover, but I do look forward to when the action and plot start heating up. Though, since he's about up to the part where the manga seems to be, and the story's not finished, I wonder if he's going to peter off and eventually switch to a new project.

It would also be nice if the guy got himself a beta-reader/editor. Or took some supplementary English and Creative Writing classes.



Anyway, I'm liking this story.

Though I think having Avalon as a catalyst should have been a stronger pull than intent; look who Rin ended up with, despite deliberately pulling for a Saber.

Also, I'm skeptical of what narrative use a Servant would BE at this point of Shirou's life. And where's he going to get enough electricity to power her?, since as a Servant she's going to need a LOT of prana. (Handy skill, that Galvanism. Quite a fine Servant concept.)

Alulim
August 9th, 2011, 02:01 AM
Galvanism will play a big part when she shows in my own story, it is quite the handy trick.

Bloble
August 9th, 2011, 02:08 AM
Evaverse in that story is freaking fantastic, though. It overdoes things while keeping them from breaking disbelief to a level I only wish I could have done with Wizard Hat.

Sekirei needs some development for the girls. But well, pervy heart that I have is amused with Shirou with a harem of busty aliens.

They are good, but so are you.

The ND fics are good because they're well edited, light, and flow well. They've got a bunch of crack injected into them but it all works within the rules of the Evaverse to create something original. He's also moved beyond the original villians to make new ones that are also plausible at the same time, by exploiting some very vague parts of canon. I'd say as a minus that some of his plot threads are a bit too loose for my liking, and it gets really hard to justify many of the events that happen, and the number of original characters has grown to outnumber the number of canon ones already. In addition to that the story has slowed down some in the recent chapters despite the quality of writing not diminishing.

The Sekirei fic on the other hand suffers from GB trying to explain too much to the more casual fans of Fate and the ones who have either only read Sekirei. That is one of the flaws of a crossover, that the readers may not always be familiar with the canon material. However the chapters, while a bit on the long side, are solid, and there is little breaking of canon, plus the universes are fitted together very well. It also has very little movement of the plot even though it is well written, though that may be because of the different genres of the universes involved meshing.

Now, your story. It benefits from having an unbelievable amount of crack, but still enough to sound plausible. You also take advantage of the vague canon material very well, for example Myrdin being a 12 year old boy who likes to troll people. It sounds like it could be plausible, if weird, and makes the story interesting by taking it new directions beyond canon. The big part of this story is that there are very few OCs which is good, but also means a lack of new content. The memes and references are a nice touch as well, and they flow as well as the ones in ND. Also, replacing many of Shirou's canon character traits for new ones is good, and he still feels like Shirou, albeit one with different character development. If I had to, I'd say that your story resembles ND very much, although it still seems as if it's exploring the more familiar parts of canon for now. A good way to expand would be to introduce elements never seen before in the original canon, such as elements that have only been mentioned. Witchcraft, different spirits, and a few well made original Original Characters could make your story even more appealing. Already I see that you've been doing that with Apostles in Leather pants by introducing demons, which I think was a great choice that will definitely make the story even more interesting than Wizard Hat.

However, I am still simply a fan, and these opinions are just those of a simple web surfer. You are the author, and you can choose the path your story takes. I just want to say that I'd definitely put you up there with the big fanfiction writers like GB and whoever wrote Nobody Dies.

Also, this was a bitch to write.

deviatesfish
August 9th, 2011, 02:18 AM
*STUFF*

Also, this was a bitch to write.

Exactly, Velsper! What he said!

VelspertheCat
August 9th, 2011, 02:19 AM
Whoever did David apparently did enough research to find a Hebrew game of jacks, where one stone is thrown up in the air and you try to grab five off the ground. At least, the page claims there is such a game, which served as an inspirational basis.

There can be some hits and a miss, I suppose. Not everything is wrong, but they probably dramatized some portions to make it sound cooler.


I really like Gabriel's Sekirei crossover, but I do look forward to when the action and plot start heating up. Though, since he's about up to the part where the manga seems to be, and the story's not finished, I wonder if he's going to peter off and eventually switch to a new project.

It would also be nice if the guy got himself a beta-reader/editor. Or took some supplementary English and Creative Writing classes.

Gabriel is a neat guy in my book. I wish I could get myself to write as much. I can only do it when I have like about fifty perspectives. :p


Anyway, I'm liking this story.

Though I think having Avalon as a catalyst should have been a stronger pull than intent; look who Rin ended up with, despite deliberately pulling for a Saber.

Also, I'm skeptical of what narrative use a Servant would BE at this point of Shirou's life. And where's he going to get enough electricity to power her?, since as a Servant she's going to need a LOT of prana. (Handy skill, that Galvanism. Quite a fine Servant concept.)

Frankenstein's Monster was a handy accident. The way I see it was that Shirou was going through all the various summoning circles that have been used before by the Matou. One of which was a circle for a Berserker. He was comparing them and running them together in his mind when it triggered the summon.

Which was why Arturia wasn't called in. She can't be a Berserker, apparently.

Or at least that's my explaination. Poor one? Good one?


They are good, but so are you.

The ND fics are good because they're well edited, light, and flow well. They've got a bunch of crack injected into them but it all works within the rules of the Evaverse to create something original. He's also moved beyond the original villians to make new ones that are also plausible at the same time, by exploiting some very vague parts of canon. I'd say as a minus that some of his plot threads are a bit too loose for my liking, and it gets really hard to justify many of the events that happen, and the number of original characters has grown to outnumber the number of canon ones already. In addition to that the story has slowed down some in the recent chapters despite the quality of writing not diminishing.

The Sekirei fic on the other hand suffers from GB trying to explain too much to the more casual fans of Fate and the ones who have either only read Sekirei. That is one of the flaws of a crossover, that the readers may not always be familiar with the canon material. However the chapters, while a bit on the long side, are solid, and there is little breaking of canon, plus the universes are fitted together very well. It also has very little movement of the plot even though it is well written, though that may be because of the different genres of the universes involved meshing.

Now, your story. It benefits from having an unbelievable amount of crack, but still enough to sound plausible. You also take advantage of the vague canon material very well, for example Myrdin being a 12 year old boy who likes to troll people. It sounds like it could be plausible, if weird, and makes the story interesting by taking it new directions beyond canon. The big part of this story is that there are very few OCs which is good, but also means a lack of new content. The memes and references are a nice touch as well, and they flow as well as the ones in ND. Also, replacing many of Shirou's canon character traits for new ones is good, and he still feels like Shirou, albeit one with different character development. If I had to, I'd say that your story resembles ND very much, although it still seems as if it's exploring the more familiar parts of canon for now. A good way to expand would be to introduce elements never seen before in the original canon, such as elements that have only been mentioned. Witchcraft, different spirits, and a few well made original Original Characters could make your story even more appealing. Already I see that you've been doing that with Apostles in Leather pants by introducing demons, which I think was a great choice that will definitely make the story even more interesting than Wizard Hat.

However, I am still simply a fan, and these opinions are just those of a simple web surfer. You are the author, and you can choose the path your story takes. I just want to say that I'd definitely put you up there with the big fanfiction writers like GB and whoever wrote Nobody Dies.

Also, this was a bitch to write.

Even if it was, I appreciate it. It helps me see where I'm going and what I'm doing (good or wrong) when I see something fleshed out like this. Like I was joking before in Spacebattles, Zouken was the disc one boss. I'm basically dragging every little bit of Nasuverse that I can, kicking and screaming for Wizards, Apostles, and beyond. It'll be fun times.

Waffles may be involved.

But yeah, the crackier bits are bait for me to tempt everyone along.

Alulim
August 9th, 2011, 02:36 AM
The mysterious beta has appeared~

VelspertheCat
August 9th, 2011, 02:37 AM
Thank you like always, Gauss. I'll get to work fixing the chapter now.

deviatesfish
August 9th, 2011, 02:50 AM
Horray for Mysterious Beta~

Arashi_Leonhart
August 9th, 2011, 02:52 AM
Am I the only one who around here who read GB before HoS?

Yes, because anything before Nasuverse interference is irrelevant.

deviatesfish
August 9th, 2011, 02:55 AM
I actually did read Gabriel Blessing before Hill of Swords, but... feels so different then and now.

VelspertheCat
August 9th, 2011, 02:56 AM
I liked his old Sailor Moon/Ranma fics.

deviatesfish
August 9th, 2011, 02:58 AM
I liked Finishing What You Start and The Door of Air/Ruinous

Arashi_Leonhart
August 9th, 2011, 02:59 AM
I actually hadn't, I came across the rec from TV Tropes...I hadn't read anime-related fanfiction in a looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong time. And then I read it, and I decided I had to write a Shirou that did not offend me :P (and have since tried to catch up on the reading, though I honestly write more than read, and write non-fanfiction more than anything now).

Alulim
August 9th, 2011, 03:02 AM
Due to me being bedridden most of the time, I read a surprising amount of fanfiction. But I stick with non-fanfiction mostly.

Rc1212
August 9th, 2011, 09:49 AM
The Awesome is strong with this one.

I look forward to seeing where you take this.XD

Mike1984
August 9th, 2011, 09:52 AM
I wonder if Shinji and Shirou are still going to be friends after this....

THough to be honest I thought it was GLADOS when he first summon.

Well, Shinji here seems not to have found out about Sakura, and as a result is acting like much less of a dick, so I see no reason why not.


It's a good argument. However! Look at Nobody Dies or Gabriel Blessing!

*wants people to write about Urobuchi's adventures too* ;_;

Well, if a fic is good, it's hard to review it, because there's little point in saying "wow, this is great". So, people tend not to bother, especially those who actually know what they're talking about.

Certainly, I tend only to review fics which have serious flaws with them (although if they're so bad that they're unsalvageable, I just don't bother a lot of the time, unless they seem to be written with "let's fuck over Sakura" as the main premise...).

Anyway, this seems like an interesting start, although I do wonder about Sakura's position here. Is she visiting Shirou at all, or does she just stay at home?

nick012000
August 9th, 2011, 10:05 AM
Hmm. A question: has Shinji managed to copy Shirou's nerves-to-Magic-Circuit trick to make up for the lack of Magic Circuits he possesses naturally?

burningclaw2
August 9th, 2011, 10:13 AM
I am not sure if Shinji does not have magic circuits. I might be mistaken but i thnk I saw a fic were it is said that Shinji has the circuits but cannot open them or they provide to little mana. I am not sure if that is fact or not, so do not qoute me on it.

Arashi_Leonhart
August 9th, 2011, 10:15 AM
I am not sure if Shinji does not have magic circuits. I might be mistaken but i thnk I saw a fic were it is said that Shinji has the circuits but cannot open them or they provide to little mana. I am not sure if that is fact or not, so do not qoute me on it.

He has no circuits. That's the whole point of Zouken adopting Sakura, because he had no other way of continuing the family magical line.

xelloss
August 9th, 2011, 10:36 AM
That line about Atlas makes me think there will be an Alchemist Shinji.

Also, SCIENCE!

SCIENCE!

SCIENCE!

SCIENCE!

Mike1984
August 9th, 2011, 10:39 AM
He has no circuits. That's the whole point of Zouken adopting Sakura, because he had no other way of continuing the family magical line.

I believe it's stated somewhere that he does have them, but they're just sealed off or something.

burningclaw2
August 9th, 2011, 10:42 AM
^What Mike said. also if Shirou summoned Frankestein, will Shinji and Sakura also summon something. I had the thought of Frakenstein calling Shirou dad, from the Jack the Ripper summoned by Sakura idea someone hear came up with Jack would be called mom or mama, if this keeps up will Shinji also become a parental figure.

Mike1984
August 9th, 2011, 11:04 AM
Well, I would assume that Zouken would still be planning to have Sakura involved in the war. Of course, here she would likely not be able to hand it off to Shinji, since he's unaware of her position, which would cause issues given her feelings for Shirou, and Shinji's friendship with him.

burningclaw2
August 9th, 2011, 11:08 AM
Yeah the question is does the help Shirou gave shinji help qualify Shinji as a master. After all for all we know Shinji's circuits could just need a boost or jump start for them to work properly allowing him to be a potential master. The nerves to magic circuit trick Kiritsugu taught Shirou could possible anable Shinji to force open his magic circuits or charge them or something.

meevanhelot
August 9th, 2011, 11:39 AM
Well Illya's heart forced them open and he survived that fine (barring mental trauma), so it might just be that nobody bothered teaching him to open them, same as Shirou.

Mike1984
August 9th, 2011, 11:40 AM
What, you're saying that Zouken never bothered to teach Shinji how to do magic so he could be a better disposable tool heir?

lethum
August 9th, 2011, 11:50 AM
More like he never bothered. It took becoming the vessel of the Holy Grail filled with around 4 servants (and growing) to awaken his circuits. Chances are that it was too hard (read: resource intensive) for him to make the attempt.

burningclaw2
August 9th, 2011, 11:51 AM
No, just that Sakura was already available, and mre powerful. Shinji's circuits propable needed a higher activation cost, which no one thought would be the problem. Sakura's circuits were already activated thus providing an easier route for zouken. Also there is also the chance that Shinji didn't have the same amount of power as Sakura.

meevanhelot
August 9th, 2011, 11:56 AM
It's more like "almost definitely will not". He's just not worth bothering with in Zouken view. Even letting him participate in the Grail War was on a whim.

His circuits could require the same as anybody else to open (they probably do) but there's no way Zouken would even check he has any.

Though now I'm imagining he's actually a Ciel level freak. Him, 1000 circuit Shirou and super magus Shiki (he powered Len, that makes him the best eva!) go on magical superhero adventures.

Mike1984
August 9th, 2011, 12:00 PM
But if Shinji was magically capable, then why would he have bothered getting Sakura in the first place?

meevanhelot
August 9th, 2011, 12:03 PM
Because Sakura is super powerful and the Matou were already complete failures in Zoukens eyes. It's not 'if' anyway, we know Shinji has working magic circuits that are dormant.

Inugami
August 9th, 2011, 12:03 PM
Well, I would assume that Zouken would still be planning to have Sakura involved in the war. Of course, here she would likely not be able to hand it off to Shinji, since he's unaware of her position, which would cause issues given her feelings for Shirou, and Shinji's friendship with him.
Canonically, he WAS unaware of her position in the earlier days.

This story is not diverging from canon in that regard, it's simply set in the days before Shinji learned the truth that he's not actually his family's heir.

Which, honestly, he should rather be thankful about, since being the "heir" seems to involve being raped by penis worms, or being eaten from the inside out by them.

Aside from trying to perpetuate the line in a land inhospitable to them (the official reason the Makiri's circuits dwindled), Zouken's worms have to be responsible for the decline of their clan. I mean, it keeps KILLING them.

burningclaw2
August 9th, 2011, 12:03 PM
Because for all Zouken knows Shinji's circuits could have never developed or would never activate. Either way he just never thought to just keep pumping od into the kid until those cicuits activate. Zouken is a kind of manipulater not one for the brute force method of doing things. Thus got Sakura, since he knows she has the requirements needed for his plans i.e. active circuits and a decent amount of power.

meevanhelot
August 9th, 2011, 12:04 PM
Pretty sure the worms that eat you are different ones from the rape ones.

burningclaw2
August 9th, 2011, 12:07 PM
Eh? i thought they were technically the same, meh. Though Inugami does bring up some good points.

Inugami
August 9th, 2011, 12:07 PM
super magus Shiki (he powered Len, that makes him the best eva!)
It's more like Len is a super familiar who doubles as her own magus.

Just like Caster (and probably Archer), so long as Len has enough energy to start with, she can support herself by forcibly pulling in and converting mana to prana. But she couldn't do that while also holding Shiki's consciousness in her dreamworld, much like you can't breath while diving underwater. Forming a contract gave her a breath of life, and after they woke up, she started supporting herself again.

Which is why she can fight those crazy Melty Blood battles when Shiki isn't a magic-user.

meevanhelot
August 9th, 2011, 12:13 PM
It's a joke man. It's like elephants and 1000 circuit Shirou. People taking one line and using it to fanwank the shit out of characters.

Kotonoha
August 9th, 2011, 12:15 PM
I remember a while ago we were having a discussion about the nerve-circuit thing. Basically "holy shit, Shirou created his own circuits", then debate over whether it was something anyone could do, or if it was related to UBW and only possible for Shirou.

Starting from around here: http://forums.nrvnqsr.com/showthread.php/10-Questions-questions-and-more-questions.?p=109415&viewfull=1#post109415

lethum
August 9th, 2011, 12:18 PM
Then what about Fate/Zero? If they have a viable heir (and Shinji was already alive to be studied and have his circuits studied), then there was no need to get an outsider. Likewise, if Tokiomi hadn't considered that the Matou had heir troubles, then there would have been no point in offering the girl (offer-demand).

Mike1984
August 9th, 2011, 12:19 PM
Canonically, he WAS unaware of her position in the earlier days.

This story is not diverging from canon in that regard, it's simply set in the days before Shinji learned the truth that he's not actually his family's heir.

Which, honestly, he should rather be thankful about, since being the "heir" seems to involve being raped by penis worms, or being eaten from the inside out by them.

Aside from trying to perpetuate the line in a land inhospitable to them (the official reason the Makiri's circuits dwindled), Zouken's worms have to be responsible for the decline of their clan. I mean, it keeps KILLING them.

I think he should have found out by now, though, or if not it should happen soon. He finds out three years before FSN, and they're three years before it now, so....


Pretty sure the worms that eat you are different ones from the rape ones.

No, I think they're the same. Zouken even states that Sakura would have died if she were weaker, and Kariya does die.

meevanhelot
August 9th, 2011, 12:23 PM
Then what about Fate/Zero? If they have a viable heir (and Shinji was already alive to be studied and have his circuits studied), then there was no need to get an outsider. Likewise, if Tokiomi hadn't considered that the Matou had heir troubles, then there would have been no point in offering the girl (offer-demand).

Because to Zolgen motherfucking Makiri the current generation aren't worth talking about. He wouldn't even bother checking whether Shinji is a viable heir.

You seem to be arguing he's not capable of magic anyway, which we know isn't true. He has dormant magic circuits. Whether they're any good is a different matter, but he's definitely a potential magus.

Mike1984
August 9th, 2011, 12:27 PM
That's not true, though. He was quite happy to train Kariya and consider him as an heir, and indeed outright stated that Kariya running away is why he took Sakura in the first place. If Shinji had been powerful enough, he'd have just trained him instead.

Kotonoha
August 9th, 2011, 12:28 PM
I doubt Zouken really gives a shit about producing heirs anyway. A heir carries on for you once you're dead, Zouken's goal is to never die.

meevanhelot
August 9th, 2011, 12:29 PM
That's not true, though. He was quite happy to train Kariya and consider him as an heir, and indeed outright stated that Kariya running away is why he took Sakura in the first place. If Shinji had been powerful enough, he'd have just trained him instead.

Well he never even taught him the most basic of the basics (opening the magic circuits that are most definitely there), so obviously that's not true. Either he just gave up on Matous after Kariya, or more likely, this is a result of different authors. FSN Zouken certainly never gave a shit about Shinji.

Mike1984
August 9th, 2011, 12:36 PM
I doubt Zouken really gives a shit about producing heirs anyway. A heir carries on for you once you're dead, Zouken's goal is to never die.

Yes, but he needs someone to obtain the Grail for him, and as long as the Matou family has the capacity, he has no reason to look outside it.


Well he never even taught him the most basic of the basics (opening the magic circuits that are most definitely there), so obviously that's not true. Either he just gave up on Matous after Kariya, or more likely, this is a result of different authors. FSN Zouken certainly never gave a shit about Shinji.

Or, perhaps, your interpretation is total shit and Shinji does not have working magic circuits, but rather ones which exist but are dormant. Only the Grail was able to force them open.

The idea that Shinji could, with the right training, become a decent magus is highly dubious, because if it were true then it defeats the whole point of his character (that he simply lacks the capacity to be the one thing he wants to be). Further, given his access to Zouken's books, he should be able to work it out for himself (I mean, even Shirou managed that).

burningclaw2
August 9th, 2011, 12:49 PM
Or it could be the Shinji just lacks the power needed for Zouken's plans even if his cirucits are opened. Shinji could have enough power for average but that is not what Zouken's plans require, he needs someone stronger thus Sakura.

Mike1984
August 9th, 2011, 12:54 PM
But so did Kariya, and Zouken was fine with using him.

ItsaRandomUsername
August 9th, 2011, 02:14 PM
It's a good argument. However! Look at Nobody Dies or Gabriel Blessing!

*wants people to write about Urobuchi's adventures too* ;_;

;_;

*Is tempted to whip out a oneshot to remedy this problem*

I3uster
August 9th, 2011, 02:16 PM
But so did Kariya, and Zouken was fine with using him.
Shinji doesn't nearly have as much determination as Kariya has, and Zouken probably knew that it would break him. If he considered it an option of course.

Inugami
August 9th, 2011, 02:21 PM
FSN Zouken certainly never gave a shit about Shinji.

Or, perhaps, your interpretation is total shit
Mike, that kind of directed hostility is uncalled for.

mangafreak7793
August 9th, 2011, 02:24 PM
;_;

*Is tempred to whip out a oneshot to remedy this problem*

Finish F/ID and your Magica stories first

(Rages like an angry mangaka's editor!)

VelspertheCat
August 9th, 2011, 02:24 PM
I'm happy to see that the story is getting a lot of discussion. I thank you all for the conversation on Shinji since it does show both sides (has circuits vs. not) well for me. So thanks, but can you guys try not to go too far in arguing? No reason to get mad or anything.

burningclaw2
August 9th, 2011, 02:49 PM
*blinks* Eh? Did I do something?

lethum
August 9th, 2011, 02:51 PM
Because to Zolgen motherfucking Makiri the current generation aren't worth talking about. He wouldn't even bother checking whether Shinji is a viable heir.

You seem to be arguing he's not capable of magic anyway, which we know isn't true. He has dormant magic circuits. Whether they're any good is a different matter, but he's definitely a potential magus.

I'm arguing against the "Shinji opening his circuits is easy to do" side. I'm not saying that Shinji is not that he's incapable of magic, or that he can't be a magus.

What I said is: "it must be really hard, if Zouken didn't bother to even try (like he did with Kariya)."

burningclaw2
August 9th, 2011, 02:56 PM
^This

VelspertheCat
August 9th, 2011, 03:09 PM
*blinks* Eh? Did I do something?

Nah, just letting the whole thread know early on not to let things get to their heads. Especially since Sakura and Shinji are going to be focuses on this story.

burningclaw2
August 9th, 2011, 03:41 PM
Thanks Velsper-senpai.

Eveonder
August 9th, 2011, 04:31 PM
It might also be... because Shinji was the last Matou and Zouken even though he doesn't give shit for a heir, can't reproduce anymore... thus he need breeding stock... as the last Matou, he couldn't risk Shinji, which is why he's breeding Shinji with Sakura for better descendants (written as descendant, read as pawn; possibly mass produced) to 'train'.

Remember, he's Zouken, even if he could have activated Shinji's circuits, he wouldn't once he realized the Tohsakas have two children and he could get a hold of one of them for his breeding program by pretending that his last descendant had no circuits. Time isn't that important to him, half a century is worth it if he significantly improves the strength and number of his pawns. He would have needed to wait that long originally for the next Grail War anyways had things gone as planned.

Mike1984
August 9th, 2011, 04:32 PM
Shinji doesn't nearly have as much determination as Kariya has, and Zouken probably knew that it would break him. If he considered it an option of course.

Really?

Shinji seems pretty determined to me, at least when it comes to being a magus, and Kariya as a child likely had little interest at all in it, and yet was still trained (presumably without the worms...).


Mike, that kind of directed hostility is uncalled for.

What's wrong with me telling the truth?

Kotonoha
August 9th, 2011, 04:33 PM
How is babby mass-produced?

Just lock Sakura and Shinji in the basement and hope they'll conceive repeatedly?

Mike1984
August 9th, 2011, 04:34 PM
Would you really put that past Zouken...?

Eveonder
August 9th, 2011, 04:37 PM
How is babby mass-produced?

Just lock Sakura and Shinji in the basement and hope they'll conceive repeatedly?

Something like that... or maybe he'll take a page from Einzbern and produce them in test tube.

Kotonoha
August 9th, 2011, 04:39 PM
So in the end, it comes back to sperm-thief Zouken.

SPIDER-ZOUKEN STRIKES AGAIN

ItsaRandomUsername
August 9th, 2011, 04:40 PM
LE GASP

I3uster
August 9th, 2011, 04:43 PM
Really?

Shinji seems pretty determined to me, at least when it comes to being a magus, and Kariya as a child likely had little interest at all in it, and yet was still trained (presumably without the worms...).
Really? I don't think he could really put up with the pain of becoming a Matou magus, since it is probably worse for male apprentices. They get their spine eaten AFAIR.

And let's be honest, whenever Shinji got defeated his rather whimpy nature comes forth.

Mike1984
August 9th, 2011, 04:48 PM
Well, yes, I agree that he'd probably have "wimped out" rather quick if he got the worm treatment, but then I don't think that Kariya got that as a child, so I don't see the issue. Plus, it's not like he'd have had a choice in the matter....

I3uster
August 9th, 2011, 04:52 PM
Well, becoming insane from the pain/so much pain that you are barely able to move doesn't make you a useful tool.
Keep in mind that Zouken would have to chuck him full of those things, probably much more than Sakura would need, not to mention that Sakura is far stronger mentally than him, and that it'd probably cripple him very soon after the "treatment".

I'd imagine that the crest worms are valuable.

Larekko12
August 9th, 2011, 06:52 PM
Yes he gets defeated by people King Arthuria PEndragon the dragonblooded bearing the weight of all the dream of mankind after living under ther threat of Matou zouken and in dream broken hell for three years. So I can not blame anyone for wimping out after that.

Mike1984
August 9th, 2011, 06:55 PM
Well, becoming insane from the pain/so much pain that you are barely able to move doesn't make you a useful tool.
Keep in mind that Zouken would have to chuck him full of those things, probably much more than Sakura would need, not to mention that Sakura is far stronger mentally than him, and that it'd probably cripple him very soon after the "treatment".

He never used them on Kariya when he was a child, and he still seemingly trained him to become the heir.


I'd imagine that the crest worms are valuable.

How?

They're entirely re-useable and, indeed, using them actually benefits Zouken, because he gets prana from the person he uses them on.

Arashi_Leonhart
August 9th, 2011, 07:25 PM
Just to say, I think the bit about Shinji having no actual circuits was in Fate/Side Materials, and though secondhand, the Jonnobi site has references to that as well. Anyway.

Inugami
August 9th, 2011, 08:12 PM
What's wrong with me telling the truth?
Saying that someone's idea is probably wrong is fine.

Calling someone's idea "shit" is inflamatory.

Mike1984
August 9th, 2011, 08:20 PM
Oh, come on. That is not in any way "inflammatory", and I've certainly said far worse before. It's only a bloody swear word.

If it was up to you, we'd all be fucking choir boys.

Inugami
August 9th, 2011, 08:27 PM
If it was up to you, we'd all be fucking choir boys.
A musical is more pleasant to listen to than a shouting match.

Mike1984
August 9th, 2011, 08:28 PM
A musical is more pleasant to listen to than a shouting match.

Perhaps. but that does not give you the right to tell me how I should and should not speak. I'll tell him that I think his opinion is crap in whatever way I feel like doing so, not in the official Inugami-approved manner that you seem to want to enforce (which seemingly would involve making it impossible to tell that you even disagreed with them...).

eddyak
August 9th, 2011, 08:30 PM
Pretty sure internet forums are not democracies, but rather dictatorships.

But carry on...

lethum
August 9th, 2011, 08:31 PM
From what I remember, Kariya had circuits but rejected training as a kid, so when the 4th war came he had to go through the Crest Worm Accelerated School (tm) for learning magecraft in order to be a Master and trade the Grail for Sakura.

Mike1984
August 9th, 2011, 08:34 PM
Pretty sure internet forums are not democracies, but rather dictatorships.

But carry on...

Well, I don't give a fuck, honestly. And, if Inugami does, then he can go and get Altima to argue it out for him, because if I won't take that shit from Altima I'm sure as hell not going to take it from Inu.


From what I remember, Kariya had circuits but rejected training as a kid, so when the 4th war came he had to go through the Crest Worm Accelerated School (tm) for learning magecraft in order to be a Master and trade the Grail for Sakura.

No, Kariya fled the family when he was reasonably young. I don't think there's anything which says that he was not trained in that time.

Arashi_Leonhart
August 9th, 2011, 09:03 PM
Pretty sure internet forums are not democracies, but rather dictatorships.

And that is how Kohaku won.

lethum
August 9th, 2011, 09:57 PM
No, Kariya fled the family when he was reasonably young. I don't think there's anything which says that he was not trained in that time.

Kariya didn't get the worms to power him up. He got them because that's the only way he could be trained to a reasonable level in time for the War.

fraggle
August 10th, 2011, 07:24 AM
So, as Shirou and Shinji work together they discover( or at least Shirou did) that not everything the are taught about magic works, and that sometimes it is total bullshit.

When Zouken tells Shinji he has no talent he will still be angry, just like in canon.

But this time hell be angry at Zouken, because hell be confident that the old man is just PLAIN WRONG. Just like Kiritsugu had been with shirou.

(Lets not debate if this is true in Shinji's case, as long as he himself believes it)

Thus when Zouken orders Shinji to rape Sakura, he'll squick out and flatly refuse, leaving Sakura starving for mana, and no other viable male mage to help her as fas as she knows.......

Oh wait, she does know one.


And thus , with a body trembling for the need of mana, and a mind clouded by the lust caused by the worms, she makes her way over to the Emiya residence, stumbling and crouching as she loses focus due to her depletion of od.


----Snippet-----

It was late at night when shirou finished his work in the shed. He'd finally created a power outlet suitable for Fran-chan to use to reload herself, using her Galvanism, and she had gone into slumber as her drained body greedily drew electricity form the power-net to convert it to mana.

Fuji-nee was not going to like the electricity bills when they came in.

As he heard someone ring the doorbell he walked to the front door, hoping that speaking of the devil had not summoned her in flesh onto his doorstep.

When he opened the door his worries grew, but not for himself.

Shinji's sister, Sakura if he remembered it right, was standing in front of him. She was sweating, and her eyes looked drained. Hell, she looked as if she would fall over with a single push.

"Are you alright?" he ask worriedly, as he grabbed her by the shoulders.

Unable to resist herself, she threw herself at him, pressing her lips onto his as she pressed her tongue into his mouth.


They didn't even reach a bedroom that night.





The next day he had walked her back to the Matou house. She tried to convince him that it wasn't necessary, but Shirou insisted on facing her brother and grandfather with her. Her grandfather wasn't home it seemed. Her brother on the other hand.......


"YOU SLEPT WITH MY SISTER!?"

"I'm sorry! I just held here and..."

"YOU SLEPT WITH MY SISTER!"

"Nii-san, It's not sempai's fault, I ..."

"YOU SLEPT WITH MY SISTER!"

"Like I said, I only tried to help her as..."

"Dammit Shirou, I know we both have done some crazy shit but this tops it all. Sleeping with your friend's sister? You really are a giant dick!

"And what a marvelous dick he was."

Both boys could only look in shock at the girl, who suddenly realized what she had said out loud. She 'meeped' as she started to watch her feet, as if she could hide herself behind her bangs of hair.


"I'll take full responsibility!"

Shirou straighted his back as he spoke to Shinji. He had done something unforgivable to the sweet girl, who had come looking for help at his house. What he had done was unforgivable, so he would follow it trough to the end.


Shinji was silent, as he thought Shirou's offer trough. It was true that shirou was the only mage he knew of in the neighborhood, and they had worked together for a long time. Sakura might be the mage of the Matou now, but once he would correct the mistakes in their magic stile, like Shirou had done with his, he would once again be the true head of the family.

Besides, he did say once that he'd marry her off to a good partner, and who would be a better partner then a fellow magus? There was no need to involve the old fool in this, He had been wrong about him, so that old man probably had been so far demented that he couldn't make any good decisions anymore.

Shinji congratulated himself. After all, this arrangement would only benefit the Matou family, as they permanently gained an ally, while arranging a good match for the soon to be unnecessarily adopted heir.

She seemed to like him a lot anyway, so it was not like she would not appreciate her brothers kindness in making this decision for her.

He was still her big brother after all......



----Snippet END-------




Wow, Did I just Matou ff-ing Shinji into a Jackass with a heart of gold?


also

@Mike1984 :
I found another way to save Sakura and give her a chance for an happy end, so please stop being angry ?

Even if its non-cannon, and 'Total Crack (TM)'

Mike1984
August 10th, 2011, 07:48 AM
@Mike1984 :
I found another way to save Sakura and give her a chance for an happy end, so please stop being angry ?

Eh? What do you mean?


Even if its non-cannon, and 'Total Crack (TM)'

Well, it's definitely not canonically accurate (Sakura doesn't need to have sex, and the idea that Shinji was ordered to rape her is pure fanon), but other than that I don't see a huge amount wrong with it.

nick012000
August 10th, 2011, 07:58 AM
You mean other than how Sakura's terrified of being rejected thanks to her belief that she's utterly worthless, and was only confident enough to initiate sexual intimacy with him after he promised to never, ever abandon her?

Also, seeing Taiga's reaction to meeting Berserker should be interesting. Especially since he can hardly pass her off as a regular human like he could with Saber. I suppose he might be able to claim they're experimental medical implants, though, which is even technically true.

fraggle
August 10th, 2011, 08:05 AM
Eh? What do you mean?



Well, it's definitely not canonically accurate (Sakura doesn't need to have sex, and the idea that Shinji was ordered to rape her is pure fanon), but other than that I don't see a huge amount wrong with it.

Well, You last posts where abit..... aggressive, not that I blame you or something. But I still believe that when Discussions get to heated that the tread itself doesnt get any better for it.

Also, I just realized that I did use a bit of fanon, but my snippet originally started with the scene of Shinji wailing on Shirou for sleeping with his sister, and the rest I made up on the go.

So, As far as I know the worms drain her of mana, but she doesn't need to be resupplied by an external factor? I might have been wrong then, but as it is just a snippet ill remember it for next piece i write.

Also, It's true Shinji didn't have to be ordered in canon. In this universe however, he doesn't see her as a treat, because he believes he can still become a magus like Shirou. Because of this I had to find a way to force the issue . Thus i used Zouken.


My biggest problem was finding a way to keep Fran-chan form waling in on the scene, thus I had to put her in standby when Sakura come, and I played out the argument at the Matou house.


Cause fran would wail all over Shinji if he treatened her master.


EDIT:

ALthough they might have started their relationship on the wrong 'base'. I still belive that Shirou will come to love her as he did in canon/HF.

As long as Fran doesn't smash her in a jelly-fit



Can I call Frankenstein Fran? It sounds cuter ( just don't mistake her for Franken Fran)

Mike1984
August 10th, 2011, 08:05 AM
You mean other than how Sakura's terrified of being rejected thanks to her belief that she's utterly worthless, and was only confident enough to initiate sexual intimacy with him after he promised to never, ever abandon her?

Well, actually, Sakura's reluctance to go after Shirou is because she's worried about what might happen to him if she does (and because she doesn't think of herself as "worthy" of him), not because she is worried about rejection (although she probably would assume she would be rejected). However, in this case she is presumably just too desperate to care, plus she doesn't know him as well.


Well, You last posts where abit..... aggressive, not that I blame you or something. But I still believe that when Discussions get to heated that the tread itself doesnt get any better for it.

My posts always come across as "aggressive", even when they're not supposed to be. I just tend to be rather blunt and to the point, and I also don't like people telling me what to do, especially mods.


Also, I just realized that I did use a bit of fanon, but my snippet originally started with the scene of Shinji wailing on Shirou for sleeping with his sister, and the rest I made up on the go.

OK.


So, As far as I know the worms drain her of mana, but she doesn't need to be resupplied by an external factor? I might have been wrong then, but as it is just a snippet ill remember it for next piece i write.

The worms do drain her of mana, yes, but I'm pretty sure having sex with Shinji would not affect that in any significant manner, and she doesn't seem to have any kind of issue post-Fate (or even post-UBW, where Shinji is no longer a dick).


Also, It's true Shinji didn't have to be ordered in canon. In this universe however, he doesn't see her as a treat, because he believes he can still become a magus like Shirou. Because of this I had to find a way to force the issue . Thus i used Zouken.

OK, fair enough.


ALthough they might have started their relationship on the wrong 'base'. I still belive that Shirou will come to love her as he did in canon/HF.

Well, I see no reason why he wouldn't. I mean, all that's missing really is his ability to realise that he loves her, and here that would be pretty obvious.

Of course, Zouken still has to be dealt with, so....

Inugami
August 10th, 2011, 01:46 PM
Nice, Fraggle.

Eveonder
August 10th, 2011, 08:59 PM
did Shinji's dad get involved...

fraggle
August 11th, 2011, 04:35 AM
Isn't he already dead by this point?

Eveonder
August 11th, 2011, 04:49 AM
Depends on their age...

Bki
August 11th, 2011, 07:33 AM
I think he died about the same time as Kiritsugu (and that's because of that they became friend), so he should be dead.

Eveonder
August 11th, 2011, 06:23 PM
I meant in raping Sakura, lol.

fraggle
August 11th, 2011, 06:37 PM
O_O

Well, as it is never mentioned in any material ill just assume that he was deader then dead by the time that shit started.

Mike1984
August 11th, 2011, 06:37 PM
I meant in raping Sakura, lol.

It's never stated whether he raped her or not, but he was certainly involved in her "training".

fraggle
August 11th, 2011, 06:42 PM
Ugh, now my brain will never be clean >_>

mangafreak7793
August 11th, 2011, 06:45 PM
^ Use it as nightmare fuel!

fraggle
August 11th, 2011, 07:26 PM
while I'm writing my kyoko snippet in the Xth loop tread, no thanks >_>

mangafreak7793
August 11th, 2011, 07:29 PM
How about Nanoha's?

nick012000
August 14th, 2011, 02:27 AM
So, random thought: If Shirou's summoned Berserker, then does that mean Ilya's going to summon Hercules as Saber? How is she not going to totally dominate the Holy Grail War?

ItsaRandomUsername
August 14th, 2011, 02:32 AM
Gilgamesh.

mangafreak7793
August 14th, 2011, 02:32 AM
Or dark sakura

ItsaRandomUsername
August 14th, 2011, 02:33 AM
Awchaa could take a few lives as well, so yeah.

VelspertheCat
August 14th, 2011, 02:39 AM
Who says Awchaa is even going to appear? *teases*

Anyway, sorry about my lack of productivity on this and Apostle's front. I've been planning out the overall plot to Eureka and sketching out character development paths.

mangafreak7793
August 14th, 2011, 02:40 AM
Is Joan in it ?

VelspertheCat
August 14th, 2011, 02:48 AM
Too early to say, sorry.

nick012000
August 14th, 2011, 06:03 AM
Gilgamesh.
Gate of Babylon is counteracted by Nine Lives, and Hercules may well be strong enough to hold the universe together even as Gilgamesh is ripping it apart with Ea. He did hold the sky up in Atlas's place for a day, remember.

Counterguardian
August 14th, 2011, 06:10 AM
He did hold the sky up in Atlas's place for a day, remember.

Holy shit you're right!

Now I want to see Heracles grab each side of that spacetime rift that full-power Ea makes and smack it back together. Shit would be so cash.

Nihilistic lurker
August 14th, 2011, 08:49 AM
Aren't Servants inferior copies? If Hercules could've been able to affect Enuma Elish he would need to be the actual Heroic Spirit or maybe another Class designition that focuses on a particular trait, right? Maybe Class Giant/Bearer/Pack Mulish???

You can make fun of it if you want.

ItsaRandomUsername
August 14th, 2011, 10:58 PM
Gate of Babylon is counteracted by Nine Lives, and Hercules may well be strong enough to hold the universe together even as Gilgamesh is ripping it apart with Ea. He did hold the sky up in Atlas's place for a day, remember.

Hello there! I'm the Unlimited Blade Works storyline from Fate/stay night! Perhaps you've heard of me. We sure as heck know that Illya and Heracles want to forget that route, what with what happened to them and all. Gilgamesh says hi, by the way.

:p

But that would be pretty boss if Herc could do that.

burningclaw2
August 14th, 2011, 11:08 PM
Herc's stats are pretty balanced out the only thing holding him back was the insanity and ilya could have easily used a command seal to deal with that while allowing Mad Enhancement to buff Herc, in theory at least.

ItsaRandomUsername
August 14th, 2011, 11:15 PM
Balanced for Herc = OP

Have you seen his stats? Almost everything is A, with an exception or two, and that is probably with Mad Enhancement (raises stats at cost of sanity).
The stats of Saber Heracles (or even Archer Heracles) would not be as high as Berserker Heracles, theoretically speaking due to Mad Enhancement stat-increases, but they would have actual access to a Noble Phantasm to serve as a counterbalance.

Anyway, the point is this: when push comes to shove Gilgamesh still has an advantage over most Servants by sheer virtue of having so many Noble Phantasms. Going against him is going to be uphill battle in just about any scenario no matter how you slice it.

burningclaw2
August 14th, 2011, 11:45 PM
Unless you can knock the weapons he's firing at you away, close in and gut the poor b*****d. should Herc be a Saber or Archer class servant he could kock the launched NP's away and close in the gape, Berserker!Herc relies to much on Godhand. Saber/Archer!Herc would have the skill to capitilize his strength and speed to overpower Gil so long as Gil does not land enough blows or strikes out with Ea. EMIYA and Shirou are natural counters to Gil, though sane!Herc could also possible defeat the King of Uruk if he fights smart enough.

EnigmaticFellow
August 15th, 2011, 12:41 AM
Unless you can knock the weapons he's firing at you away, close in and gut the poor b*****d. should Herc be a Saber or Archer class servant he could kock the launched NP's away and close in the gape, Berserker!Herc relies to much on Godhand. Saber/Archer!Herc would have the skill to capitilize his strength and speed to overpower Gil so long as Gil does not land enough blows or strikes out with Ea. EMIYA and Shirou are natural counters to Gil, though sane!Herc could also possible defeat the King of Uruk if he fights smart enough.Keep in mind that Gilgamesh is no slouch in the strength department either, and it's all over for Herakles if he gets ensnared by Enkidu.

burningclaw2
August 15th, 2011, 12:47 AM
True Enkidu is an anti-divinity NP I believe. Herc's best chance would be to strike before Gil gets a chance to truly do anything. I personally believe Herc would be stronger then Gil since Herc's legend comes mostly from how physically strong he is. Though I wonder what other NP's besides Godhand would Herc pocess.

ItsaRandomUsername
August 15th, 2011, 01:03 AM
Any variant of Heracles would have Ninelives, for sure.

Shooting Hundred Heads for Archer!Heracles, though.

burningclaw2
August 15th, 2011, 01:14 AM
Berserk!Herc does not have the Nine lives attack. However, did Herc actually use any artifacts of power(coughNPcough) in his legend?

ItsaRandomUsername
August 15th, 2011, 01:18 AM
Berserker Heracles does have Ninelives, he just can't use it while he's insane.

In his legend, Heracles had several weapons and tools that helped him (like the Nemean Lion pelt, which is basically what God Hand does), but in the Nasuverse you'd think that he'd have had more Noble Phantasms. Instead, he was only rewarded for his deeds with his twelve lives.

Eh, who knows. It's all up to Devil's Proof/Writer's Discretion because SPECULAH.

burningclaw2
August 15th, 2011, 01:40 AM
I would fund someone writing a story where Herc has al his NP's and can use them. Though the question is, will Herc still be summoned by ilya, or will Shirou somehow summon the Greek.

ItsaRandomUsername
August 15th, 2011, 01:43 AM
Neither.

Issei summons him.

/trollolololololol

burningclaw2
August 15th, 2011, 02:17 AM
We need an entire Grail war with nothing but Greek heroes/anti-heroes. We already know of Herc, Medusa, and Medea (three of my faves on f/sn) what other greek heroes can we throw in. also i am pretty sure Issei would end summoning Susanoo and end up ordering his servant to commit seppeku for annoying him to much.

Bloble
August 15th, 2011, 02:20 AM
We need an entire Grail war with nothing but Greek heroes/anti-heroes. We already know of Herc, Medusa, and Medea (three of my faves on f/sn) what other greek heroes can we throw in. also i am pretty sure Issei would end summoning Susanoo and end up ordering his servant to commit seppeku for annoying him to much.

...Susanoo isn't Greek.

And that could be interesting, considering that many heroes were Greek. We've got Perseus, Hercules, Medusa, Medea, Orpheus, Theseus, Leonidas, Spartacus, Alexander (Iskander)...

There's plenty to choose from.

Larekko12
August 15th, 2011, 02:31 AM
Iolas, Icarus, Deadlus, Jason, The Argonauts, KRatos Zeus's bastards, Cassandra, Achilles, Hector

nick012000
August 15th, 2011, 02:52 AM
Berserk!Herc does not have the Nine lives attack. However, did Herc actually use any artifacts of power(coughNPcough) in his legend?
He was almost always depicted in statuary and imagery weilding an iron-shod wooden club. It's almost certainly a Noble Phantasm. Additionally, his priests dressed like women as an homage to the period where he was enslaved by a queen and forced to do women's work while wearing women's clothing, while she wore his Nemean Lion pelt and waved his club around; it's possible that this might take the form of another Noble Phantasm similar to Lancelot's disguise Noble Phantasm. Yes, Heracles probably has a Noble Phantasm that turns him into a woman; it might remove his access to his other Noble Phantasms while he uses it, though.


Hello there! I'm the Unlimited Blade Works storyline from Fate/stay night! Perhaps you've heard of me. We sure as heck know that Illya and Heracles want to forget that route, what with what happened to them and all. Gilgamesh says hi, by the way.

:p

But that would be pretty boss if Herc could do that.
Heracles couldn't use his Noble Phantasms there, and Ilya wasn't giving him his Mad Enhancement stat boosts. Saber Heracles would be just as strong as Berserker was, and he'd have his Noble Phantasms to counter those that Gilgamesh weilds.

VelspertheCat
August 15th, 2011, 02:57 AM
So...

Shirou/Berserko go?

Larekko12
August 15th, 2011, 03:07 AM
Death by Snu snu.

nununu
August 15th, 2011, 03:22 AM
It would be likely that he'd have an NP for each of the Twelve Labors. He's that BOSS.

Yog
August 15th, 2011, 04:40 AM
I still vote for someone summoning Iphicles and/or Amphitryon alongsde Alcides (Herakles). Because he needs his onii-chan too. And his family in general. Actually, It could be the war with all the family (and only his family) involved.
Amphitryon - rider. I think he was quite proficient with a chariot.
Alcides - berserker.
Iphicles - archer/Saber (Saber works best. That way Ilia's connection to Shirou is similar with Herakles connection to Iphicles).
Iolaus (another name Protesilaus - first spear) - son of Iphicles, lancer obviously.
Alcmene - caster for her description as "most beautiful woman with wisdom surpassed by no person born of mortal parents"

Well, I am not sure of who to cast as an assasin. And Archer can be Archer.

P.S. Just realized that this is an off-topic post.

dragon20990
August 15th, 2011, 02:39 PM
Anyone try Atalanta? Not only is she epic Greek who was raised by a bear and sailed on the Argo, she was considered for that Fate/acrophia-whatsit game so she is an easy choice.

fraggle
August 17th, 2011, 05:55 PM
I was wondering. As Frankenstein is a cyborg originally designed by a human, can Shirou fully understand her history by using his structural analysis? Because somewhere in the tread( or the one on Spacebattles) someone made a remark on Shirou reverse-engendering her Galvanism, or even build spare parts for her.This would supply him with some valuable techniques, as I saw the Iron-man joke flying around somewhere.

Let's not start on the first armored 'Kidou Senshi Fran' devision that will be rolling out in the next 30 years of research.



Crap, another plot bunny for a snippet -_-

Alulim
August 17th, 2011, 06:25 PM
Shirou building spare parts for her was what I was going to do in my story.

mangafreak7793
August 17th, 2011, 06:32 PM
Shirou building spare parts for her was what I was going to do in my story.

I think that makes sense since besides her core everything appears to be able to regenerate.

VelspertheCat
August 17th, 2011, 07:06 PM
Frankenstein can be understood by Shirou. He can also upgrade her since her tech is old. I'm planning on doing that in the story.

Alulim
August 17th, 2011, 07:23 PM
Upgrades Al will do also, just with different technology...nanomachines ahoy!




We should compare notes about her sometime~

mangafreak7793
August 17th, 2011, 07:25 PM
Frankenstein can be understood by Shirou. He can also upgrade her since her tech is old. I'm planning on doing that in the story.

When is the release date if you don't mind me asking?

Theocrass
August 17th, 2011, 08:28 PM
VELSPER!

Truly, you are an author among authors!

Though you have only one chapter out, I must say it was one hell of a read.

And Frankie!

I was not expecting Frankie!

Good show ma boy!

I like what you did with Sakura and Taiga near the end~

I give you the Theo seal of approval! *Thumbs up.*

ItsaRandomUsername
August 17th, 2011, 08:31 PM
When is the release date if you don't mind me asking?

Manga...

You're doing it again. =/

Theocrass
August 17th, 2011, 08:32 PM
Frankenstein can be understood by Shirou. He can also upgrade her since her tech is old. I'm planning on doing that in the story.

Surround sound speakers and blu-ray on Frankie? ;)

Maybe add a few touch screens to that sleek frame? ;)

Give her flash memory? ;)

ItsaRandomUsername
August 17th, 2011, 08:34 PM
I'm now imagining a cross between Franky and KOS-MOS.

And it is AWESOME.


EDIT: For reference, here is our beloved robot girl---
http://blog.hantsuki.org/wp-content/uploads/2008/02/all_kosmos.jpg

Alulim
August 17th, 2011, 08:41 PM
Al's version of Frankie Mk. II will look more like the Murakumo units from Blazblue...makes sense if you consider where the upgrades are coming from.



But generally things will look the same.

mangafreak7793
August 17th, 2011, 08:44 PM
Manga...

You're doing it again. =/

*realizes what he's saying*

Damn it not again.

*Goes sulks in a corner*

Alulim
August 17th, 2011, 08:49 PM
Indeed, self-flagellation is needed for you.

mangafreak7793
August 17th, 2011, 08:50 PM
Indeed, self-flagellation is needed for you.

*Looks around*

Anyone have a whip?

burningclaw2
August 17th, 2011, 08:52 PM
*hands Managa riding crop*

mangafreak7793
August 17th, 2011, 08:53 PM
*hands Managa riding crop*

Thanks.

*Proceeds self-whipping*

Hey.....Its not that bad?

Alulim
August 17th, 2011, 08:53 PM
^Masochist-bey?


But in the end, this is making me hesitant to use Frankie in my own fic...it won't be crippled without her.

burningclaw2
August 17th, 2011, 08:54 PM
Need more Manga *brings out an Iron Maiden*

ItsaRandomUsername
August 17th, 2011, 08:56 PM
^Masochist-bey?


But in the end, this is making me hesitant to use Frankie in my own fic...it won't be crippled without her.

Hey! HEYHEYHEY! Just because someone ends up using a similar premise, doesn't mean that you cannot use your own, man! Different situations = different opportunities and chances.

I say you should still go for it.

mangafreak7793
August 17th, 2011, 08:56 PM
^Masochist-bey?


But in the end, this is making me hesitant to use Frankie in my own fic...it won't be crippled without her.


Need more Manga *brings out an Iron Maiden*

I think that's more from the Gendo side then anything else.

Genbey is immortal!

Alulim
August 17th, 2011, 08:58 PM
I say you should still go for it.Eh, sure.

burningclaw2
August 17th, 2011, 09:02 PM
*locks Genbey inside the Iron Maiden full of sharp sharp and painful spikes* and now to wait. If he's a masochist then he will orgasim(sp?), if not he will be in pain

mangafreak7793
August 17th, 2011, 09:03 PM
*locks Genbey inside the Iron Maiden full of sharp sharp and painful spikes* and now to wait. If he's a masochist then he will orgasim(sp?), if not he will be in pain

*Another genbey appear put of nowhere after blood trickles down iron maiden.*

Sup dude!

burningclaw2
August 17th, 2011, 09:05 PM
*kicks Genbey in balls* That one was not suppose to die until my thesis was proved

mangafreak7793
August 17th, 2011, 09:06 PM
*Unfazed due to an iron plated cup protecting it.*

Not cool dude.

burningclaw2
August 17th, 2011, 09:08 PM
Would you prefer the Iron Maiden again -.-

On topic, Will Sakura summon an alternate version of EMIYA?

mangafreak7793
August 17th, 2011, 09:10 PM
Would you prefer the Iron Maiden again -.-

On topic, Will Sakura summon an alternate version of EMIYA?

If that is what you wish.
/人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\

I thought it will be Medusa or Jack maybe David.

burningclaw2
August 17th, 2011, 09:13 PM
Alter!EMIYA... I somehow find myself imagining him in Alter!Saber's dress...is that normal or a product of my sick mind.

Also Jack the Ripper shall pwned everyone alongside Frankenstein.

ItsaRandomUsername
August 17th, 2011, 09:19 PM
If they're a girl, and it's nightime, then those are two conditions needed for Jacky's insta-kill.

burningclaw2
August 17th, 2011, 09:21 PM
Caster=pwned, Rin=pwned, Kotomine?=possible pwnage for I do not know if Kotomine is actually a fem!trap or not -.-

Fantabulous
August 17th, 2011, 11:23 PM
Alter!EMIYA... I somehow find myself imagining him in Alter!Saber's dress...is that normal or a product of my sick mind.

http://i302.photobucket.com/albums/nn93/Zafnick/ArcherAlter.png

Back to lurking now.

burningclaw2
August 17th, 2011, 11:27 PM
^*has laughed self to death, rupturing every organ and shattering every bone...in need of revival and healing*

Alulim
August 17th, 2011, 11:30 PM
Back to lurking now.You have talent~

alguLoD
August 18th, 2011, 04:55 AM
Back to lurking now.

... Please don't go?

Mike1984
August 18th, 2011, 05:24 AM
Caster=pwned, Rin=pwned, Kotomine?=possible pwnage for I do not know if Kotomine is actually a fem!trap or not -.-

Well, Caster would be fucked, yeah. Rin, I doubt it, because Sakura wouldn't go out to hurt her.

nununu
August 18th, 2011, 07:02 AM
Should Zouken decide to control, and successfully do so(maybe blackmail/hostage-taking), Jack-chan though...

Mike1984
August 18th, 2011, 07:05 AM
Should Zouken decide to control, and successfully do so(maybe blackmail/hostage-taking), Jack-chan though...

Wouldn't Jack be somewhat less-than-fond of the idea of being controlled by the guy who tortures her "mother", though...?

nununu
August 18th, 2011, 07:11 AM
Wouldn't Jack be somewhat less-than-fond of the idea of being controlled by the guy who tortures her "mother", though...?

Like Medusa is, maybe moreso? He would have Sakura hostage, so she'd have to grudgingly obey. Sakura's (eventual)knowledge of and reaction to her actions would generates lots an lots of drama, won't it?

Mike1984
August 18th, 2011, 07:29 AM
Jack doesn't seem like the sort of girl to put her master's well-being first, though....

She would probably protect her "mother", but I doubt she'd do so by supporting her abusers, even if the alternative would hurt Sakura.

nununu
August 18th, 2011, 07:42 AM
Her devotion would prolly depend on how her relationship with Sakura works out in the first place. Oh well.

Cubia - the - Anti-Existence
August 18th, 2011, 10:46 AM
Does Zouken sleep? Because if so there is a simple solution for that issue if Sakura does summon Jack.

Jack just has to wait until an apropriate time and then use her surgical operation skill to remove "mother's" tumor(a.k.a. Zouken's soul worm).

burningclaw2
August 18th, 2011, 11:16 AM
Jack is skilled in that kind of stuff.

Mike1984
August 18th, 2011, 11:18 AM
Does Zouken sleep? Because if so there is a simple solution for that issue if Sakura does summon Jack.

I'm not sure he sleeps, as such, but he probably does just vanish a lot of the time.


Jack just has to wait until an apropriate time and then use her surgical operation skill to remove "mother's" tumor(a.k.a. Zouken's soul worm).

Hmm, perhaps. And, honestly, I don't think it would matter much if he were awake.

Keyne
August 18th, 2011, 11:20 AM
Isn't Zouken a nocturnal creature? Though that would mean that daytime is his time to sleep.

Mike1984
August 18th, 2011, 11:24 AM
He's incapable of walking around in sunlight, certainly, but I'm not sure that means he's truly asleep in that time.

nununu
August 18th, 2011, 11:28 AM
Someone decorates the house with UV lamps. Shirou or Shinji would be appropriate in this fic.

Mike1984
August 18th, 2011, 11:29 AM
Lol.

I'm not sure that the Nasuverse works quite that logically, though, unfortunately....

Keyne
August 18th, 2011, 11:32 AM
Have you ever imagined Zouken with a tan? D:

ItsaRandomUsername
August 18th, 2011, 11:53 AM
Wasn't there art of that somewhere?

Fantabulous
August 18th, 2011, 01:13 PM
I would shop something up, but frankly, the thought disgusts me.
http://i302.photobucket.com/albums/nn93/Zafnick/Zouken.png

O?O

lethum
August 18th, 2011, 02:28 PM
Looks...edible. Like broasted chicken.

burningclaw2
August 18th, 2011, 02:34 PM
*headshots Zouken* he is hidieous(sp?) no matter how you slice it.

Fantabulous
August 18th, 2011, 02:45 PM
Looks...edible. Like broasted chicken.

Do penis worms taste like chicken?

Neir
August 18th, 2011, 03:18 PM
Sakura can tell us. They've been in her mouth many times.

Fantabulous
August 18th, 2011, 03:25 PM
ಠ_ಠ

Keyne
August 18th, 2011, 03:33 PM
ಠUಠ

Dark Descent
August 18th, 2011, 03:37 PM
I hope for an update with all the extra pages, and all I see is doohickery.

Love it.

*twitch*

fraggle
August 18th, 2011, 03:37 PM
How did we shift from the awesomeness of upgrading Fran to the disgusting taste of the zouken worms?

Will Fran get a Mid-season upgrade somewhere during the war? What weapons will she wield. Can we prevent her from getting a frigging backpack like everyone in gundam SEED Destiny?

gundam..........


----------------------------------SNIPPET---------------------------------------------------

It is the year 2030.

For years a hidden cold war has been waging between the Clock Tower and the Eastern alliance, lead and powered by the might of the Emiya robotics concern. It is funded by the total monopoly on mass produced cyborgs which are used everywhere, from households to open warfare.

Yet this war turns hot when several enforcers strike at one of the research facilities where Emiya Shirou is holding an inspection. Mortally wounded, he entrusts his son Emiya Rei with the password which will unlock and bind the newest prototype hidden deep inside the facility to him.

A magical cyborg, build for only one purpose.

Magus killer :"White Doll."

Once again, a amateur magus must face the battlefield with the ultimate servant at his side. But in war there is no good and evil, and soon he must decide what he must fight for, and what price he must be willing to pay for that.

For amongst his opponents is the mysterious red magus, A woman who's mask and absolute territory endow her with the power to cast 3 times faster then the average magus. Can the young boy survive his encounter with these enemies, or will he and the white doll fall?

--------------------------------------------------------TBC??----------------------------------------------









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U mad Sunrise?

Alulim
August 18th, 2011, 03:46 PM
Magus killer :"White Doll."Turn A turn~ Turn A turn~ TURN AAAAAAAA

fraggle
August 18th, 2011, 03:51 PM
And thus, whenever we shall have a discussion who is stronger or if Shiki can kill servants, We can just say:

"White doll kills everything. THE END"

Well, it works for gundam fandom anyway.

Theocrass
August 18th, 2011, 03:51 PM
Sakura can tell us. They've been in her mouth many times.

*Swats Neir on the head.*

Inugami
August 18th, 2011, 04:36 PM
For amongst his opponents is the mysterious red magus, A woman who's mask and absolute territory endow her with the power to cast 3 times faster then the average magus.
The best part about that is that it's totally cool rather than corny, and yet still a hilarious shout-out.

EDIT:



absolute territoryZettai ryouiki?
HOW did I miss that one?

Keyne
August 18th, 2011, 04:46 PM
absolute territory
Zettai ryouiki?

VelspertheCat
August 18th, 2011, 04:49 PM
Hoo boy, lots of replies. Sorry folks, I've been heavily concentrating on my stories. *has five chapters ready for betaing*

****


Upgrades Al will do also, just with different technology...nanomachines ahoy!

We should compare notes about her sometime~

Sure. I was thinking of going mecha musume, actually.


When is the release date if you don't mind me asking?

Once I get someone to look over these chapters.


VELSPER!

Truly, you are an author among authors!

Though you have only one chapter out, I must say it was one hell of a read.

And Frankie!

I was not expecting Frankie!

Good show ma boy!

I like what you did with Sakura and Taiga near the end~

I give you the Theo seal of approval! *Thumbs up.*

Thanks! Super Servant Wars in Wizard Hat inspired all of this.


Manga...

You're doing it again. =/

Thanks for the help. It's okay, though.


Surround sound speakers and blu-ray on Frankie? ;)

Maybe add a few touch screens to that sleek frame? ;)

Give her flash memory? ;)

She will be able to even run Linux when we're done with her.


I'm now imagining a cross between Franky and KOS-MOS.

And it is AWESOME.

EDIT: For reference, here is our beloved robot girl---
http://blog.hantsuki.org/wp-content/uploads/2008/02/all_kosmos.jpg

You and I think alike.


Would you prefer the Iron Maiden again -.-

On topic, Will Sakura summon an alternate version of EMIYA?

Depends on how much they bond. Also if Sakura steals any of Shirou's clothing.

The latter is a distinct possibility.


http://i302.photobucket.com/albums/nn93/Zafnick/ArcherAlter.png

Back to lurking now.

You are credit to team. :)


How did we shift from the awesomeness of upgrading Fran to the disgusting taste of the zouken worms?

Will Fran get a Mid-season upgrade somewhere during the war? What weapons will she wield. Can we prevent her from getting a frigging backpack like everyone in gundam SEED Destiny?

gundam..........


----------------------------------SNIPPET---------------------------------------------------

It is the year 2030.

For years a hidden cold war has been waging between the Clock Tower and the Eastern alliance, lead and powered by the might of the Emiya robotics concern. It is funded by the total monopoly on mass produced cyborgs which are used everywhere, from households to open warfare.

Yet this war turns hot when several enforcers strike at one of the research facilities where Emiya Shirou is holding an inspection. Mortally wounded, he entrusts his son Emiya Rei with the password which will unlock and bind the newest prototype hidden deep inside the facility to him.

A magical cyborg, build for only one purpose.

Magus killer :"White Doll."

Once again, a amateur magus must face the battlefield with the ultimate servant at his side. But in war there is no good and evil, and soon he must decide what he must fight for, and what price he must be willing to pay for that.

For amongst his opponents is the mysterious red magus, A woman who's mask and absolute territory endow her with the power to cast 3 times faster then the average magus. Can the young boy survive his encounter with these enemies, or will he and the white doll fall?

--------------------------------------------------------TBC??----------------------------------------------








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U mad Sunrise?

Shirou's origin is now Gundam.

fraggle
August 18th, 2011, 04:53 PM
They stood against the Fraga magus, the woman looking smug ath them as she slowly walked up to them.


"Be careful my master." the doll stated. "The Noble Phantasm of their clan is one to be cautious with."

"You mean that Fraggle-thingy?"

At his statement the Fraga almost tripped, before straightening herself. Embarrassment quickly turned to anger as she ran straight towards the boy, her weapon following shortly after her.

"THIS IS NO FRAGGLE BOY!" She yelled at him. "NO FRAGGLE!"

burningclaw2
August 18th, 2011, 05:00 PM
Fraggle you just drove me mad with laughter...I hope your happy...

Alulim
August 18th, 2011, 05:13 PM
Sure. I was thinking of going mecha musume, actually.Interesting~


I am kinda going the same way. Plus Al is gonna upgrade her with technology from the giant robots~

Inugami
August 18th, 2011, 05:20 PM
Sure. I was thinking of going mecha musume, actually.
Just so long as you change those awful, unnatural feet.

The hetereochromia must stay. It is a charm point.

Alulim
August 18th, 2011, 05:23 PM
Al doesn't mind the feet that much...but intends to change them anyway.



Zone of the Enders style Basically getting rid of the 'feet' entirely~

ItsaRandomUsername
August 18th, 2011, 07:50 PM
Hetero-eyes are win.

@Velsper: Excellent~