View Full Version : Hollow Paradise - Fake Heaven (Kotomine Shirou fic)

August 25th, 2011, 09:13 PM
Eh, well...

This is the project that has been taking most of my time lately, and also my first fanfic. Before starting, there are some things that must be clarified.

This fanfic is from a timeline where Kariya won the war. Details about that.... they will be unveiled as the story progresses. As far as anyone knows, Shinji's family is dead, and thus, he was adopted with Kotomine. It is also known that Kiritsugu did survive the war, and that he died shortly after, because of his accumulated wounds. It is said that he rescued a child before his demise, but the whereabouts of this particular boy are unknown....

And, without further ado...

Prologue – The Kotomine Brothers

Could they be called a “family”?

It was a good question, indeed. After all, no bonds of blood did tie them, and the surname they had been saddled with... Well, how much meaning could a mere name have?

Those were the kind of thoughts that occupied Kotomine Shinji’s mind as he watched from the shadows of the Church. He was not particularly tall, maybe of average stature for a normal Japanese student. Blue, long hair fell on his shoulders, framing a face that smirked unpleasantly at the circus in front of him. The black jacket, that hid his figure to most eyes, flowed when a burst of cold air penetrated through one of the open windows.

In front of him, all of the benches were full. Kids, adult men and women, even the elderly, had congregated in the Church, like all Sundays. It was strange, for a place that normally was not very visited. But Shinji knew - He knew that people was there to hear him speak. To hear his orations, and to hear his sermons.

Long, flowing orange hair, closed eyes, hands raised in praise of an higher power, and the black outfit of a priest, small in stature, yet imposing enough to ooze charisma that seemed to impact the multitude heeding his words like a raging wave. He finished the morning orations, and slowly opened his eyes, fanaticism blazing in them. With a wave of his hands, people took seat, eager to hear his next words.

“What is family?” He asked, with a calm, hypnotic voice. “What is that we call family?”

It was such a strange topic, that everyone was surprised. Shinji frowned in the shadows, feeling like his mind had been read, even if he knew that was not the case. Then Kotomine Shirou spoke.

“It is pretty simple, is not it? Family... One has just to look at his last name, and one can see the connection here, in the surname. But that is just hollow, empty. One can say that a last name is something that by itself, lacks any meaning. No... what I am asking for... is the essence. The thing that makes a family... “family”, the bond we all feel between our parents and us, between our brothers and us... between those we call our “nakama” and us...” He did a dramatic pause, as the audience confusedly watched one each other.

Damn bastard seemed to be enjoying that, thought Shinji.

“That is what I am asking for. From where does that come? What meaning does it have? What is that we call... family?”

Silence, expectant silence, filled the church. Everyone was on the edge of their seats, waiting for the answer of the unexpected riddle, just like he had wanted. Kotomine Shirou smiled pleasantly, bowed properly, and then without saying any other word, he left the place through a discretely placed door.
And as confused, and even outraged noises started to explode in the congregation he had left behind, Shirou smirked.

Yes, this guy definitely was a tease. Shinji sighed, unable to avoid a bit of envy coming up in his face, before following the same path of his sworn brother, leaving the utterly baffled audience behind.

Every aspect of her was beautiful.

Her white, silvery flowing hair, complimenting itself with beautiful yellow eyes. Her top, hiding a body worth the admiration of goddesses, was that of the Homurahara Gakuen. On the bottom half of her figure...she wore nothing but black laced panties and her normal, almost indecently-transparent thigh highs.

Yes, if one really inspected her appearance carefully, one would notice that she wore a bit more of makeup than normal. But she was allowed to pretty herself for the boy she liked, after all.

She started reaching for her skirt, when a knock was heard. She immediately started to warn off the intruder, but the door opened before words could leave her mouth.

“Hey, Caren...” Shirou stopped dead on his tracks, realizing immediately in which situation he was. Caren’s face became red, beet red, and the color started to extend to the rest of her body. She quickly grabbed the skirt and put it between her legs, as if trying to conserve some of her lost modesty. Shirou wondered why, what with her normal outfit being so... exposed.

And when the nun started to walk towards him, Shirou started to shiver.

“Did you like what you saw?” She asked coolly, even if her face was like a tomato. The trembling priest started to answer... and found that he couldn’t do so.

The reason was a crimson red cloth that had been suddenly wrapped around his body, constraining even the smallest of his movements. He tried to push and pull, but not a single muscle was allowed freedom.

It was the Red Cloth of Magdala, the Holy Scripture that supremely bound any male it touched. Kotomine Shirou, strong as he was, stood not a single chance against an artifact capable to stop supernatural entities.

As he struggled... Caren moved even closer, dropping the skirt in the floor.... and her knee shot like a bullet, impacting in the groin of the redhead. There was a small grunt, and he fell on the floor, unable to scream in pain... or to stop looking at Caren’s crotch. She finished changing, and left the room. Only after that, the cloth was unbound, and a scream was heard in the entire church.

Later, Shirou found that all house duties had been mysteriously reassigned to him.

Tohsaka Rin finished bathing. Combing her silky black hair, she watched herself in the mirror. A perfect image returned her stare. Satisfied, she finished her last arrangements, and started getting dressed, when she was interrupted by her sister.

Tohsaka Sakura entered without knocking, purple, fluttering hair forever a reminder of her past, startling Rin, and actually making her cover her body in shame. Both beauties stared one each other for a second, before Rin sighed.

“How many times I’ve told you to knock before entering?” Though Rin tried to sound harsh, she failed, just like every time she scolded her sister. And as expected, she only got a mischievous smile as an answer.

“You are going to visit Sempai, aren’t you?” Asked teasingly the little sister, eliciting an immediate blush. Before she could even unleash her titanic rage, Sakura continued to talk. “Sorry, Nee-san, but this time I am going ahead. See you in school!~”

“Wait!” But Sakura had ran away, avoiding her deadly grip with ease. Rin was alone again, and she sighed again, as she kept changing, this time with less energy. How did that guy manage to generate a crush on every girl he met? Well, at least she liked to think that her reasons were a bit more deeper...

Still lost on those thoughts, Tohsaka Rin couldn’t help but to feel something uncomfortable about Sakura....

The practice had finally ended. Shinji wiped his sweat with a towel, setting his bow aside. He would take care of maintaining it later. Near him, he could see Ayako watching in the distance, her mind in another world. No... actually, Shinji knew what she was thinking about. Because the same history had been repeated during all of his life.

Because he would never reach his brother’s level.

He approached her, “Why does every girl find him attractive?” He grumbled. Ayako was surprised, then embarrassed, removing herself some steps from the vice-captain.

“How did you... no, nothing... ehhh...” Oh damn, she was so obviously embarrassed. Ayako couldn’t help but to laugh. Yeah, she was honest to herself, and she knew in her heart that there was no denying the crush that she had on the redhead. Although her answer was a simple shrug Shinji seemed to understand because he sighed again, looking like he would start throwing a tantrum, before simply stalking off in a huff.

He was going to talk with Uncle Gil about training.

“Shit!” He screamed as the Original Bokken, made of pure, solid gold, hit his ribs, sending the redhead towards the wall in one impact. Gilgamesh, King of Heroes, advanced implacably, like a golden reaper ascended from Hell. His right hand rained down a series of attacks that were barely parried by Shirou which culminated in a single stab that slipped under his stance, and hit above his heart, sealing his defeat.

On the other side, Shinji still was twisting with pain. Kotomine watched the scene with some dissatisfaction on his face. Faked dissatisfaction. He was actually having a pretty good afternoon. Still, the war was starting in one month. And his tools... they still needed refinement. They still... could get better.

I wonder.

I do really wonder.

Will this fake paradise....

This hollow heaven...


Credits to Egophobia, who edited it, and Theo, whose Kotomine Shirou snippets were a major inspiration.

August 25th, 2011, 09:14 PM
Subscribe GET!

August 25th, 2011, 09:15 PM

August 25th, 2011, 09:18 PM
Aww yeah.

The parts with Gil and Caren were the highlights.

August 25th, 2011, 09:23 PM
Will be watching.

August 25th, 2011, 09:26 PM
You have caught my interest RacingeR.

Oh Shinji, still can't catch a break even in a different universe.

August 25th, 2011, 09:28 PM
This is relevant to my interests.

August 25th, 2011, 09:33 PM
Shinji gets beat by the original golden bokken... this is within interest, continue or else a loli shall cry due to this story not continueing.

August 25th, 2011, 09:37 PM
Finally some Kotomine Shirou!

and he already has his Harem (bonus points)

Also Caren + crotchshot = win.

P.s. The Harem counter is now four at the moment.

August 25th, 2011, 09:47 PM
Thanks for all the comments!

Chapter 1 will probably be ready by the next days. I originally planed making it along the prologue, but some time constraints did not let me.

August 25th, 2011, 09:52 PM
I'm following this.

August 25th, 2011, 09:53 PM
Good job, RancingeR.

August 25th, 2011, 11:04 PM
So, wait... Berserker + Caster + Assassin vs EVERYTHING ELSE + GILGAMESH?

August 25th, 2011, 11:07 PM
It's a even match.

August 25th, 2011, 11:08 PM
Maybe Zokuen plus the shadows on the left side

August 25th, 2011, 11:35 PM

I wonder :p.

August 26th, 2011, 05:32 AM
Hmm, this looks interesting....

I do wonder what is going on with Sakura here. And, indeed, with Rin. But, I guess that will become more obvious later.

August 26th, 2011, 07:16 AM
I'm following this.

Just two things: unless you know japanese, I think it's better you refrain from putting "nakama" here and there. It goes all downhill from there...

... and why is Sakura with the Tohsakas? I hope there's a good reason and not just author appeal.

"Training" with Uncle Gil. There's no way I won't follow this fanfic.

August 26th, 2011, 07:22 AM
... and why is Sakura with the Tohsakas? I hope there's a good reason and not just author appeal.

Because the basic premise of the entire story is "Kariya won the fourth war and destroyed Zouken". What do you think he would do with Sakura if he were to win...?

August 26th, 2011, 07:27 AM
Because the basic premise of the entire story is "Kariya won the fourth war and destroyed Zouken". What do you think he would do with Sakura if he were to win...?

Yep, my bad, didn't read the introduction. I jumped to the prologue.


August 26th, 2011, 01:38 PM

August 26th, 2011, 02:42 PM
Loving it so far. Not much to criticize since it's only the start. Hope Shinji doesn't go all evil-sibling out of jealousy towards Shirou. Then again, it wouldn't be much of a stretch considering his previous/canon character, and Papa Kirei is not exactly a paragon of virtue.

Uncle Gil? LOL.

Speaking of Shirou, I'm getting mixed signals about him, but that's probably because his full character hasn't been revealed yet. On one hand, it looked like he was taking jabs at Shinji with his sermon, but on the other hand, he showed us he was still an idiot and punching bag when he walked in on Caren.

Kiritsugu saved a boy... Couldn't he have saved his own child?

Hope Caren is a part of Shirou's unofficial harem. It'd be interesting to see her exorcise her authority as big sister just to keep bothersome pests away.

Very interested in how Kariya won the 4th war and all the reprecussions. Kiritsugu, the badass is dead. I assume Iri is dead too, as much as it pains me and Ilya's future. I hope Tokiomi is dead. I hope to all that is holy Zouken is definitely dead like Shiki dot-stabbed dead and isn't licking his wounds in some dark secret chamber after Kariya thought he killed him and not going show up later as some eldritch last boss to torment Sakura by manipulating her as the Shadow. Kayneth, don't really care. Sola, care slightly more than Kayneth, but not much more. Waver, hope he's alive; he's funny.

August 26th, 2011, 02:52 PM
He screamed as the Original Bokken, made of pure, solid gold, hit his ribs, sending the redhead towards the wall in one impact.

I know it's working under the Rule of Funny but I just feel the need to point out that there is something fundamentally wrong with this one.

Also, is the Original Bokken better than Musashi's Bokken?

August 26th, 2011, 04:56 PM
Zokuen is like a cockroach. Never assume he is dead he is always waiting in some corner to worm rape you

August 26th, 2011, 05:03 PM
Found this when browsing the vast web.

August 26th, 2011, 05:06 PM
QUALITY translation