My eyes
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My eyes
Oh my
If you want to make him be able to analyze people, shouldn't you give him Human Observation instead of that Chiron combo of Clairvoyance and Eye of the Mind (is it True or Fake?)? I'm not the most indicated to talk about a character's skills, though.
Well im not so good with skills but he has got them (eye of mind is fake) through study cryptids and animals ,so he can analyze movements and muscle activity .so he havent got it through observations of humans he just use the through the animal observation gotten skills projected to thE Servant opponents.
Please how do you find my first (probably unprofesional) profil?Could you give me some hints with the Layout?
Best I can say is to look at other people's sheets and look at their layout. Meanwhile, look at the BB Code Guide near the top bar of the website or search it for yourself.
Is the abundance of untranslated Japanese terms a good thing or nah?
Otherwise, while I don't really expect much from a first sheet (mine sucked), BB Codes are your freund in sheet-making.
Just noticed the emoji in the parameters. I take it you meant that the Strength is D-rank?
Yes the strenght is D- Rank,King of Padoru ! How do you find his abilities and should i reveal more the abilities of the cryptids he can use?
Tonikaku i promise to make it the next time better!
Please pardon me if I sound a bit rough.
First of all, you haven't really specify what Class is he in, although I can guess from the Skills that he's a Caster, but do note that there are several non-Casters that have Item and Territory Creation, and several Casters that lack those skills altogether.
Then, if you want to improve your formatting, I suggest splitting Class Skils and Personal Skills like most of the people here do.
On the topic of Skills, I agree with King of Padoru here. Instead of Clairvoyance or Eye of the Mind, consider something like a modified Human Observation or even Shinrabansho. Also, you might want to add more justifications on why do he have such skills than just "He's a damn good observer."
His NP is meh, and I think that his Orichalcum-Chain has no relation what-so-ever to the person in question.
I like the concept of this sheet, but I'd recommend Sadistic Constitution and Eye for Art since you basically said Caster has these in all but name in his personality and lore sections.
Also, I don't really get the NP. Like, the victims are part of a "dark play" but...what is the dark play?
I knew I was forgetting about something... I forgot the Eye for the Art. Sadistic Constitution was part of the skills I had considered adding, but its description implied that you have to be engaged directly in combat, something that Monzaemon doesn't do.
The dark story isn't a specific one. It can be a recreation of someone's past, their worst nightmare, or whatever crosses Monzaemon's mind. I'll make the description easier to understand.
I have now a bit worked on the Layout and add two of his strongest cryptids !Could please someone say me if its now better? and i have in my Quiver a Herakless like omni-class Qualified Servant(+Avenja) in which non Caster/Assassin Class would you see the Profile of him?
Sorry to say this (as I presume you're not a native speaker), but your English is really terrible. As in, to the point of being almost physically uncomfortable to read. Unless you can find someone to spell-check your sheets, I don't think anyone is going to enjoy reading them. It's too bad, since it's always nice to have more Servant creators around.
I hadnt thought that it would be so obvious that im not a native speaker ..but like i said to King of Padoru i strive to make them better ! Nevertheless thank you for the welcoming Hands ,RoydGolden !
Can i if i have Questions (like about your Servant profiles),ask you RoydGolden ?
Lancer
Identity: Hattori Hanzō
Title: Oni Hanzō
Gender: Male
Height: 173 cm
Weight: 59 kg
Alignment: Lawful Good
Origin: Japan
Weapons: Ninja gear, spear
Parameters
Background
Personality
Skills
Noble Phantasm
Double Summon is only accessible to Servants outside the three Knight-Classes. Hanzo, being a Lancer, really shouldn't have it. The rest of the sheet seems fine, even if the NP is a little generic. (And personally, I think if he really has Mystic Eyes or some-such it'd make more sense to make into a Skill rather then a whole separate blurb)
Feel free to ask anyone any questions you may have. If it's Create-a-Servant related, this thread is fine. If it's about something else, there's a thread for it.
Sometimes the optimal solution is the simple one.