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Thread: [FF] Shinji Matou's Guide to Murder

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    "Please don't kill me, I made your bread!" Ivan The Mouse's Avatar
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    [FF] Shinji Matou's Guide to Murder

    [Alright, folks. It's about time Marisa sees this and about time I repost this fanfic, the one that gained me critical acclaim (Read: Unwarranted Self Importance and Small Name Big Ego.) from BL. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Mambo Number 5 Shinji Matou's Guide to Murder.

    Here goes nothing.]

    [Disclaimer and Warning: I donít own the Type-Moon characters, settings and elements presented in this fanfiction; this work is a tribute to the creators of Fate/ Stay Night, and therefore not to be used for profit.

    This fanfiction may contain any of the following themes: violence, language, death and other inappropriate imagery and themes that may offend some sensibilities. Please exercise an open-mind when reading this fanwork. Also, the work is set in an alternate universe.]

    Shinji Matouís Guide to Murder

    Introduction: Say Hello to the Bastard!

    Iím Shinji Matou. I came from a clan whose lineage consists of Magi, with Zouken Matou, an absurdly old magus, as its patriarch. Our clan originated from the Makiri clan, coming from some damned European or Asian country whose name I do not know anymore and for some reason, they moved here in Japan and changed their names as Matou. Around two hundred years ago, our clan started to lose their Magic Circuits, showing less and less of these Circuits in every generation. That old man said because the land of Japan is like ďrejectingĒ our clan, much like a body to a transplanted organ.

    And guess what; I donít have any Magic Circuits, therefore making me incapable of practicing Magic and making me totally useless, at least to that old fart.

    To save us from totally losing our status as a Magi clan; Zouken tried to adopt a child from another clan, the Tohsaka, in an attempt to solve this problem. That adopted child was a girl, and her name?

    Sakura Matou. Her arrival on our side meant I would no longer be the heir of our clan. This is the very reason why I totally hate that slut.

    They implanted her parasites or worms that would amplify her abilities as a Magus and drain her Mana. And because anything has their own set of side effects, these worms feed on her carnal desires and therefore, making her hornier each passing day. And since she is always asking for some screwing because of that, someone has to answer these impulses.

    Thatís the only time Iíve had a use for Zouken. And itís also a chance for me to make her feel how much I hated her.

    By raping her. Every. Single. Day.

    Alright. Snap back to the present day. Itís been eleven years since Iíve been taking orders from Zouken. And his latest order? Itís just the same: Rape the slut at least once a day. For me, itís just like vitamins. For her, I dunno. Maybe she likes it. She doesnít fight at all. Not even complain or whine. Am I a rapist with what Iím doing? Maybe. As I said, I think she likes it. And itís not ďrapeĒ if you like it. Right?

    Right?!

    But anyway, aside from me being the original heir of the Matou clan, Iíve also been dating a lot of ladies in my school, Homurabara Academy. You heard it right. A lot of ladies. Iím popular with all of them. They talk about me, they go crazy about me, and they love me. I dunno about the guys. I heard hate me. Theyíre just jealous anyway.

    But I got this friend named Shirou Emiya, a former member of the Archery Club which yours truly is the Captain of. Heís just like any other idiot you could find in Homurabara, but whatís interesting about him is heís considered the ďfake janitorĒ of our school. He fixes broken electronics. He cleans the school like a janitor. He never denies errands. And with a friend like him, I surely could go out of school early and date all my girls, without any worry of who will clean the Archery Range. All I have to do is to simply ask him to clean it and, of course, wait for him to answer yes, which he always does. Without any exceptions. What an idiot.

    And guess what, my slut little sister as a crush on Shirou. In fact, she visits him everyday. Pairing an idiot with a slut? Iíd like to imagine. Itís just too amusing.

    But since we are talking about me here, letís just say that I got fed up with screwing that Sakura whore. Why? First of all, I was just thinking: does raping her make me the Matou heir now? No. Absolutely not. There are many times that I donít feel horny at all and I seriously still have to rape her! Geez, Iím starting to feel like her fucktoy already, when the supposed reaction is sheís my sex doll. Second, I seriously need to get laid with other girls. What if one day I do it with another girl and then, I screw Sakura up when I get home? Then it was already too late that I discovered Iíve had STD. Double jeopardy. Not just that I get some dirty or painful disease, I also passed it to Sakura. And since she visits Shirou daily, that guy might find out what Iím doing to her and discover anything that happens inside our house. And last but not the listÖIím tired of us being like a minion to that old skeleton. He thinks Iím useless anyway, and all I can do is to fuck my adopted little sister.

    And I finally got an idea.

    Why donít I just kill that bitch, dump her body somewhere and claim that I know nothing of how she was murdered? Thatís it! I first kill her, then rape her and finally dump her body somewhere but in our house! But wait, raping a corpse is necrophilia. And thatís disgusting. I know now! First I rape her, and then I kill her, and then dump the body! Perfect plan!

    But I should first find a way on how to kill her without me being suspected.





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    I'm sure Marisa is just going to love you for this one....

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    Kotonoha's Avatar
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    Just like you loved him for it, all those years (year?) ago :')

    ...And yes, Stardust, gaze upon Mouse's true nature!

    Quote Originally Posted by Leftovers View Post
    Complementary materials ruining people's headcanon brings me inordinate delight.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kotonoha View Post
    Just like you loved him for it, all those years (year?) ago :')
    Yeah....

    And you'll be glad to hear that my opinion of this fic has not changed one bit.

    ...And yes, Stardust, gaze upon Mouse's true nature!
    Yeah, this is the sort of thing he likes to write....

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    Ivan...

    First, Ryoujoku Sex Game.

    Then, laughing along with Uryuu.

    Now, this.

    AND. YOU. DARE. CALL. ME. YOUR. WAIFU?

    Ivan, why are you so fucked up? ;_; What happened to you, hasubando? ;_;

  6. #6
    The Job... Killer Is Dead Sherrinford's Avatar
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    Eh... I kinda like it.

    I know, I know...

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    Ahahahahahahaha! Hymn of Ragnarok's Avatar
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    Morbid curiosity triumphs over disgust once more.

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    Kotonoha's Avatar
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    [George Nakata voice]
    Rejoice, StardustReverie. You now know your husbando's true self.
    [/George Nakata voice]

    Quote Originally Posted by Leftovers View Post
    Complementary materials ruining people's headcanon brings me inordinate delight.

  9. #9
    "Please don't kill me, I made your bread!" Ivan The Mouse's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by StardustReverie View Post
    Ivan...

    First, Ryoujoku Sex Game.

    Then, laughing along with Uryuu.

    Now, this.

    AND. YOU. DARE. CALL. ME. YOUR. WAIFU?

    Ivan, why are you so fucked up? ;_; What happened to you, hasubando? ;_;
    Da, Marisa.

    This is the other side of me you didn't know. I was this before I met you. Now, behold me, Marisa, and take me as I am.





  10. #10
    Kotonoha's Avatar
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    I was this before I met you.
    You still are this, don't lie.

    Quote Originally Posted by Leftovers View Post
    Complementary materials ruining people's headcanon brings me inordinate delight.

  11. #11
    Bitches Ain't Shit I3uster's Avatar
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    Wow, Shinji turned from an unsympathetic alpha asshole into some fusion of Hitler, Charles Manson and Josef Fritzl.
    <Satehi> kill yourself you dirt secondary

    Untouchable - Are you a bad enough dude to become an Enforcer?

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    Brothers are stupid. Erlkonig's Avatar
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    Oh boy. Instead of Taiga dojos, Shinji will get Zouken Dojos with Ayako as guest.

    ZOUKEN DOJOS

    ZOUKEN DOJOS EVERYWHERE

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ivan The Mouse View Post
    Da, Marisa.

    This is the other side of me you didn't know. I was this before I met you. Now, behold me, Marisa, and take me as I am.
    My Ivan, why? ;_;

    What did I do to deserve this?

  14. #14
    Kotonoha's Avatar
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    Zouken Dojo should have True Assassin in gym bloomers.

    Quote Originally Posted by Leftovers View Post
    Complementary materials ruining people's headcanon brings me inordinate delight.

  15. #15
    Taiga's knight Tobias's Avatar
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    BLASPEMY, THERE IS NO DOJO BUT TAIGA'S
    I am a mod. My fics are full of typoes, and I drink on weekends.

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    Brothers are stupid. Erlkonig's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kotonoha View Post
    Zouken Dojo should have True Assassin in gym bloomers.
    Or this, yeah

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    Quote Originally Posted by StardustReverie View Post
    My Ivan, why? ;_;

    What did I do to deserve this?
    Trust me, this is only going to get worse....

  18. #18
    Ahahahahahahaha! Hymn of Ragnarok's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by I3uster View Post
    Wow, Shinji turned from an unsympathetic alpha asshole into some fusion of Hitler, Charles Manson and Josef Fritzl.
    Shinji is not nearly as intelligent or talented as at least two out of three of those people.

  19. #19
    Kotonoha's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hymn of Ragnarok View Post
    Shinji is not nearly as intelligent or talented as at least two out of three of those people.
    He's more intelligent and talented than all of them, shut your whore mouth!

    (I'll admit this fic's portrayal of Shinji is lolwut to me, but I have fond memories of its thread)

    Quote Originally Posted by Leftovers View Post
    Complementary materials ruining people's headcanon brings me inordinate delight.

  20. #20
    "Please don't kill me, I made your bread!" Ivan The Mouse's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by StardustReverie View Post
    My Ivan, why? ;_;

    What did I do to deserve this?
    [TrollzamaVoice]
    Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! BAKA! What you just said will be sweet irony to you, mai waifu! Wait and see!
    [/TrollzamaVoice]





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