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Thread: [FF] Shinji Matou's Guide to Murder

  1. #41
    "To a man with a sense of shame, his word is inviolate." Ivan The Mouse's Avatar
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    [Well, well, this fanfic is already finished, I have to post two servings for now.]

    Chapter 1: How to find the Perfect Murder Weapon.

    Alright. So now we have a plot to kill that slut of a little sister. We all know that I will rape her, then kill her, then dump her body somewhere.

    Oh wait, how do I kill her then? Since Japan has tight gun control laws, using a gun is already out of the question. Guns are for pussies anyway. They’re loud too. And expensive.

    First, we must recognize that murder weapons are very important in investigation. Why? I dunno. That’s what I saw on some drama series one time while watching TV on one of my girlfriends’ house after a date. (No, there’s no sex involved. Yet.) But one thing is for sure: I am the killer in this murder that I will execute, and if the police knew where the murder weapon is, they will find my fingerprints there and will bring me closer to them. That is what I want to avoid.

    Second, the murder should leave no traces of blood. If they saw any traces in the murder scene, they will know exactly who did it. Since I plan to kill Sakura in this house, I want something bloodless. Also, I’m somewhat squeamish with blood, so anything that would pierce her or rip her flesh open is out of the question. But with the exception of my penis, of course, since I plan to screw her hard before killing her. I just hope she wouldn’t bleed.

    Third, I want to leave no traces on her body. No wounds, no bruises, not a single wound. So again, anything sharp is out of the question. However, I really would like to tie her up while I do it, which I think will leave marks of rope in her body. But I could use that to create my alibi later anyway.

    And lastly, I must make sure that no one, as in no one, would see me kill her. But that’s the easiest part, since until today nobody knows what is happening in this house, only between me, that slut and the bedpost. Literally.

    So okay. I’ll try to find anything that I could use inside this house, according to what I want my murder weapon to be. So I started with the kitchen.

    Knives, more knifes, eating and cooking utensils, porcelain, glassware, the stove…I know, how about the meat tenderizer?! But that would leave her bruises on her body; also an open fracture might leave blood. How about rat poison?! She’s tied up anyway, so I could force feed her with this! But if they autopsied her body, discovered what killed her, searched my house and found out that I have rat poison, I will be screwed. So no. Not rat poison. Besides, I have to use this to, obviously, poison the rats inside my house.

    Then, my room. I won’t reveal the things I could find inside my room for the sake of my privacy, but let’s just say I found nothing here. Except the love letters from all my girls.

    Let’s go to the bathroom and toilet. But aside from the sink, the toilet itself, towels, the shower, a mirror, my shaving blades, soap and many more toiletries, finding something here is virtually useless. But since I’m here anyway, I guess I’ll just be using…the shower. To clean myself. What?

    I went to the living room and all I could see are vases, potted plants, candleholders and other useless stuff. A candleholder is fine too, but it’s just the same with the meat tenderizer.

    And then I visited our little tool storage room. This place wasn’t visited nor even touched by anyone for a very long time, but I’m pretty sure I could find a lot of good things in here.

    I got disappointed. Most of them are sharp, piercing or even too bulky to be used as a murder weapon.

    But since I already mentioned I want to tie her up in the bed while killing her, I might as well as find rope here.

    Wait a second…

    That’s it! I will use a rope to kill her! Not only that I could strangle her with this, I also could tell her that I will use the rope in sexual play! Erotic breath controlling! BDSM! Not just that, strangling leaves no blood but only rope marks, and I could burn the rope after I kill her with it! No traces! Just what I need!

    So now that we have the right tool for the right job, let us know when we will do it. For me, I’ll call her to go to my room after she gets home, saying that it’s “that time” again. That would be in the middle of the night. And since she doesn’t complain about what I’m doing to her, I could easily tie her up and do it to her. Just like what happens here every night.

    I just need to hide these ropes under my bed and wait for her to come home. So, while waiting for her, I’ll just take that newly-bought adult magazine from its shrink-wrap and read it. Just to make sure I’m ready for her.



  2. #42
    Gläubig müssen die nicht sein, daran glauben müssen sie I3uster's Avatar
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    He wants to leave no traces.
    And uses a rope.

    Shit, Shinji, what are you doing...
    [04:55] Lianru: i3uster is actuallly quite cute

  3. #43
    Ahahahahahahaha! Hymn of Ragnarok's Avatar
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    Anyone want to recant the intelligent part?

  4. #44
    Fuckin' chicken grill!!! Kotonoha's Avatar
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    I still find it funny that he decides he can't use rat poison because he needs that to kill the rats.

    Quote Originally Posted by Hymn of Ragnarok View Post
    Anyone want to recant the intelligent part?
    This fic's not exactly in-character :P

  5. #45
    Ahahahahahahaha! Hymn of Ragnarok's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kotonoha View Post
    This fic's not exactly in-character :P
    Fair enough.

  6. #46
    アルテミット・ワン Ultimate One
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    Why not going for electrocution? Disguising it as an accident?

    Ok, I need to stop reading this.

  7. #47
    地獄待ち Spinach's Avatar
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    Personally, I would drown her if I was Shinji. He probably has the strength to overpower her physically, and could get the job done. Then he can just dump the body in the river with a few weights attached.

    Wow.

    Did I seriously just type that? Should I even post this? Fuck.

    Fuuuuuuuuuuuuu


  8. #48
    Ahahahahahahaha! Hymn of Ragnarok's Avatar
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    This Shinji may be stupid enough to try and frame the Yakuza.

  9. #49
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    Yeah, do we really have to have a discussion of ways Shinji could kill Sakura (which conviniently ignores the fact that no matter what he does, she could kill him in self-defense and, even if she didn't, he would become worm-food inside a minute...)?

  10. #50
    This may hurt a little Neir's Avatar
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    Yes.
    Quote Originally Posted by lantzblades View Post
    says the hater, you keep on hating, i'll be around ignoring your invalid, incorrect opinion.
    [18:00] Spinach: Because I don't like Saber's personality but boy oh boy does she make my dick turn to diamonds when I see her getting tentacled.
    [18:01] Leo: feeling superior to EU makes me hard
    [16:16] <Bloble> Drakengard? Is that a rhythm game?

  11. #51
    アルテミット・ワン Ultimate One
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    @Spinach: ok, but if Sakura can use magecraft*? Also, there's always the possibility of Shinji failing... killing a person isn't that easy... although drowning/strangling her fits Shinji's emotional state quite right.



    *can she use it, btw?

  12. #52
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sherrinford View Post
    @Spinach: ok, but if Sakura can use magecraft*? Also, there's always the possibility of Shinji failing... killing a person isn't that easy... although drowning/strangling her fits Shinji's emotional state quite right.



    *can she use it, btw?
    She uses it to kill him in HF....

  13. #53
    Preformance Pertension SeiKeo's Avatar
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    @ This entire thread: *popcorn*
    Quote Originally Posted by asterism42 View Post
    That time they checked out that hot guy they were just admiring his watch, yeah?


  14. #54
    This may hurt a little Neir's Avatar
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    Killing a person is actually incredibly easy. A hammer, for example, will oneshot a human.
    Quote Originally Posted by lantzblades View Post
    says the hater, you keep on hating, i'll be around ignoring your invalid, incorrect opinion.
    [18:00] Spinach: Because I don't like Saber's personality but boy oh boy does she make my dick turn to diamonds when I see her getting tentacled.
    [18:01] Leo: feeling superior to EU makes me hard
    [16:16] <Bloble> Drakengard? Is that a rhythm game?

  15. #55
    アルテミット・ワン Ultimate One
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    Quote Originally Posted by Neir View Post
    Killing a person is actually incredibly easy. A hammer, for example, will oneshot a human.
    You're speaking in theory. It isn't that easy.

    Oh, and it depends on how you hit with it.

  16. #56
    Fuckin' chicken grill!!! Kotonoha's Avatar
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    This has turned into a discussion of how we would murder Sakura.

  17. #57
    Ahahahahahahaha! Hymn of Ragnarok's Avatar
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    No Country for Old Men. There's a device used to kill cows efficiently. Air compression, the killer uses it to blow out locks. What's it called?

  18. #58
    This may hurt a little Neir's Avatar
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    Turned? I don't follow.


    And you walk up and hit someone in the face with a hammer. Unless you have the arms of a child, they're fucked.

    Hymn, it's just an air compressor. Hunters use it to separate skin from the flesh on a kill.
    Quote Originally Posted by lantzblades View Post
    says the hater, you keep on hating, i'll be around ignoring your invalid, incorrect opinion.
    [18:00] Spinach: Because I don't like Saber's personality but boy oh boy does she make my dick turn to diamonds when I see her getting tentacled.
    [18:01] Leo: feeling superior to EU makes me hard
    [16:16] <Bloble> Drakengard? Is that a rhythm game?

  19. #59
    アルテミット・ワン Ultimate One
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    Quote Originally Posted by Neir View Post
    Turned? I don't follow.


    And you walk up and hit someone in the face with a hammer. Unless you have the arms of a child and they have the reflexes of a slowpoke, and you aren't emotionally prepared, they're fucked.
    Fix'd.

  20. #60
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    Quote Originally Posted by Neir View Post
    Killing a person is actually incredibly easy. A hammer, for example, will oneshot a human.
    Sakura isn't a normal human....

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