The Grail Works Mission Dossier (Discussion & Ideas)

[Xamusel]

I'm attempting to use past tense. Not sure if I succeeded or not.

[Vigilantia]

I'm attempting to use past tense. Not sure if I succeeded or not.

Look through and fix anything that's present tense and I'll take a look at it tomorrow.

[Xamusel]

...crap. I don't really remember what's past tense and what's present tense.

[Kieran]

Well, look for words like "I'll," where it should be "I'd" (generally speaking), and check your verbs. Your character, in past tense, ought to have "jumped," instead of simply "jump," and so on.



. . . On an unrelated note, I bought the Player's Handbook for the Fifth Edition of D&D, and skimmed it over an hour and a half. It's - interesting. Certainly more compatible with Kieran Holt than 4th edition, but while I can adapt him, it's going to involve major changes. No spell I'm seeing seems to last more than 10 minutes, if that, and he'll be a lot weaker, given how Strength is calculated now.

And that's to say nothing of the fact that werewolves aren't even (currently) listed in the game . . . I suppose I'll have to see if "Hoard of the Dragon Queen" has anything on them.

On the other hand, he'll be within the game's experience table (19th level, specifically - assuming I don't cause him to lose a level via adaptation), and it's sufficiently disorienting to be "fair," by the terms of either the curse that was originally set on him, or the troll gods (like they'd just let the elves bring in a mega-weapon to show their children up regarding Elsa's education).

[Xamusel]

Thanks, Kieran, I appreciate it.

By the way, which of you guys is named *REDACTED*? Just making sure, because I'd like to thank whoever it is for pointing out the issue of whose room Ilya was in.

[Vigilantia]

Thanks, Kieran, I appreciate it.

By the way, which of you guys is. Just making sure, because I'd like to thank whoever it is for pointing out the issue of whose room Ilya was in.

That's me, though I'd appreciate if you'd scrub that comment. I personally don't like my name online.

[Xamusel]

Ah, sorry, Vigilantia. I'll keep that in mind from now on.

Anyway, to be fair, I'm still working on the Past Tense/Present Tense thing.

[Vigilantia]

. . . On an unrelated note, I bought the Player's Handbook for the Fifth Edition of D&D, and skimmed it over an hour and a half. It's - interesting. Certainly more compatible with Kieran Holt than 4th edition, but while I can adapt him, it's going to involve major changes. No spell I'm seeing seems to last more than 10 minutes, if that, and he'll be a lot weaker, given how Strength is calculated now.

And that's to say nothing of the fact that werewolves aren't even (currently) listed in the game . . . I suppose I'll have to see if "Hoard of the Dragon Queen" has anything on them.

On the other hand, he'll be within the game's experience table (19th level, specifically - assuming I don't cause him to lose a level via adaptation), and it's sufficiently disorienting to be "fair," by the terms of either the curse that was originally set on him, or the troll gods (like they'd just let the elves bring in a mega-weapon to show their children up regarding Elsa's education).

Personally, I prefer the D&D universe. It's more common and less awkward than having your character be divine. Also, people are familiar with your class in general.

[Xamusel]

Er, Vigilantia, do you mind helping me figure out what is past tense and what needs to be past tense? Just need to make sure I don't need to revise everything from the ground up... again.

[Vigilantia]

Er, Vigilantia, do you mind helping me figure out what is past tense and what needs to be past tense? Just need to make sure I don't need to revise everything from the ground up... again.

What's so hard about it? I figure it'd be obvious.

"Nathan fired his P226 from behind the steel shipping container. Returning behind cover, he felt the steel shudder as bullets impacted into the box behind him. He reached for another magazine before coming empty. He'd forgotten his spare magazines in the car."

"I fire my pistol from behind the steel shipping container. Returning behind cover, I feel the steel shudder as bullets impact into the box behind me. I reach for another magazine before coming empty. I'd forgotten my spare magazines in the car."

First is past tense limited 3rd person (how I write), second is present 1st person (what you're doing). The only possible tricky part is the last part because you can write it as "what he thought" or just regular 1st person. So it could also be "I forgot my spare magazines in the car."

[Xamusel]

Vigilantia, what might be obvious for you is not so for me, due to how my brain works. I'm attempting to fix it still... it's really hard for me to fix my brain from its hardwired state.

[Mattias]

Ok Xam, I gave the chapter a look through.

I'm not even going to try and fix the tense problems, I've never been very good at that. I did notice how DtG's segments seem to have quite a few elipses and dirveging dialogue. Try to cut down on those, or Arch-Magos might end up dieing from alcohol posioning (although its nowhere near the levels of FFD, elipses aren't really good in a narritive. In conversations, they work, but not in the narration).

[Xamusel]

Ah... that seems to be another thing I need to work on with him.

And I just noticed I'm doing it again (using ellipses when not needed).

[Mattias]

Ah... that seems to be another thing I need to work on with him.

And I just noticed I'm doing it again (using ellipses when not needed).

But it's conversation, so it's given more leeway. Its when it's present in narration, perticularly in a past tense, where it becomes unbearable.

[Xamusel]

Ah... no wonder. Thanks for pointing that out.

[Kieran]

Personally, I prefer the D&D universe. It's more common and less awkward than having your character be divine. Also, people are familiar with your class in general.

Sorry for not responding to this earlier - it kind of got lost in the conversation regarding Xamusel's work. *Shrugs*

In any case, while you make an excellent point, one of the major drawbacks is it means that "Beast of the Moon" will have no sequels until the end of November - because I'll definitely need all three core rulebooks to properly convert Kieran to Fifth Edition.

(And so far, I have to ask: is it just me, or do the spellcasters get screwed on their "spells per day?" Maybe I'm just not far enough into the book yet . . .)

[Xamusel]

I wouldn't know on the spellcaster thing... don't have Fifth Edition core rulebooks for taking a look through.

If I did, I'd tell you, really.

[Kieran]

At the moment, it's just the one rulebook, and a .PDF labelled "Dungeon Master's Guide 0.1" - and I sincerely hope so, because so far I'm not impressed by what they did to screw over werewolves.

[Kieran]

Now, among other things, I'm trying to think of an alternative for "Beast of the Moon" (whose proof-reading is about 85% done, at which point I'll start making the revisions). As you may have noted, I'm a bit terrible when it comes to naming things, and that title worked with one of my initial concepts of the fic, but not with the fic as it eventually turned out to be.

I'm sort of partial to "Gaming the System," but I'm not sure that it's any more accurate, either . . .

[Xamusel]

Ugh... this might count as bumping the topic needlessly, but I just wanted to say this: Do you mind sharing the list of names for the fic, and the concepts that would help us choose the name of the fic for you?