Okay, this is the opening chapter of the fic I mentioned in the Magecraft Erotica thread. I went through and tidied it up a little but it's still one of (if not the) first Fate fic, hell type-moon fic, I wrote so if you see any problems let me know.
Note: This chapter mentions abortion, however I am not endorsing or supporting either side of the pro-life/pro-choice debate.
***
Chapter I – Oh, Dear
Tohsaka Rin sat at the end of her bed staring at the thin, plastic strip in her hand, her view illuminated by the soft glow of the ceiling light, the little, blue patch seeming to stand out above all else. The truth the small item had revealed to her had made all conscious thought take a temporary leave of absence.
Her hand had begun to shake slightly and her grip on the thing was tight, so tight that her knuckles had begun to turn white. But she didn't notice, her mind was running slower than normal (or was it faster?) and all she could concentrate on was the plummeting sensation in the pit of her stomach.
She blinked, suddenly her mind snapped back to attention and she was able to think again. Okay first things first, she had to calm down and think things through, panicking wouldn't help. She tried to pierce past the nervous rush and nausea washing over her as she attempted to assemble her thoughts.
Firstly this was just a natural consequence of something that had been necessary at the time. They had been about to face the most powerful opponent in the war and their strategy had depended on it, there had been no other choice. Besides, it wasn't as though it had been unpleasant…well, not completely unpleasant.
She blushed and forced herself to take several deep breaths, she needed to calm down if she was going to keep her mind straight. Such thoughts could wait until later, after all they would serve her better in her dreams.
Okay back on topic, in retrospect she had been a little foolish to overlook the possibility, but she'd had more pressing matters on her mind. However now that was in the past and she had to deal with those unforeseen complications.
She sighed, she had suspected it was something like this for the last couple of days, or she thought she had. She hadn’t been able to come up with any other reason for why she had missed her last two periods or why she had started throwing up every other morning or why she randomly felt more tired than usual. Now that it had been confirmed and she shock had hit her like a freight train, she wondered whether she had actually believed her own conclusion. Judging from her temporary paralysis, she guessed not.
Still no matter how natural the consequence or how pleasant and necessary the act, the fact remained that the position she now found herself in was delicate but she would adapt and quickly.
She was Rin Tohsaka magus, holy-grail war victor (kind of), high-school idol and now apparently expectant mother.
She stood up and walk over to the mirror that rested on top of her dresser, throwing the plastic stick into a nearby waste-paper basket as she went. Her reflection looked pale, although she couldn't tell if it was because of her...condition or if it was the shock. Her eyes also had barely noticeable dark circles under them, she had had a couple of restless night as of late. Not to mention early mornings spent emptying her stomach into the toilet.
As she continued to gaze at her self in the mirror another thought occurred to her, she would have to tell Shirou.
Her stomach lurched at the thought and she could feel some of the panic trying to creep back into her mind, along with doubt, she crushed them both without hesitation. Of course she would tell Shirou! He deserved to know, this would effect his life too. The two of them had been seeing each other for the last couple of months and she was determined to continue keeping their relationship truthful.
Her stomach lurched again upon inadvertently reminding herself that their relationship was supposed to be a secret. Now, once people had worked it out, they would know it had been going longer.
She could hear it already, the student council president Issei Ryudo, would make a fuss out of it and probably accuse her of making herself this way on purpose in order to “trap” Shirou. It would be like something out of a corny television drama.
Without warning, another recycled plot-line from corny dramas involving teenage pregnancies, forced its way into her mind but she fought back. If Shirou didn't want to take responsibility, then she would sure as hell make him, but that wasn't likely to be her problem. In fact her problem was almost certainly going to be just the opposite, he was likely to start pushing himself.
Although she had made significant progress in helping him get rid of his martyr complex, sometimes he still took on too much. She would probably have to assure him that she was still capable of looking after herself. However that begged the question, how much was she supposed to expect from him?
She groaned and put a hand to her head, there was a lot she was going to have to think about herself before she told him. She was sure there were a few questions she hadn't even thought of yet and then there was Sakura...
Rin felt her heart temporarily stop beating as she thought of her sister. Oh Sakura, it was obvious to everyone except the boy himself that the girl had a crush on Shirou. It was one of the main reasons she had wanted to keep their relationship secret until they left for the Clock Tower.
She paused, there was another thing that thing that had been called into question, her plans for after high-school. In fact would she even be able to finish school? If she was going to be a mother, then the child would surely take up a large portion of her time and despite the house and its furnishings, the Tohsaka family wasn't actually that well off, she probably couldn't afford a regular babysitter. Not to mention that no matter how much she was idolised, after a few months she was not going to be able to hide it.
It was the middle of April now, they’d been back at school for less than a week, would she be able to make to the summer? People would definitely find out if she tried but that was probably inevitable anyway. Then again it’s not like she would have to see any of them again anyway.
She spent the next couple of minutes staring at herself in the mirror and trying to think of all the problems likely to stem from this new development and how she would solve them.
Eventually however tiredness started to work its way into her mind and she was unable to prevent a large yawn. She crouched down and opened a draw to retrieve her pyjamas, sleep was what she needed. She'd just had a shock and she would be better able to work things through once she was well rested. Right?
***
Rest had done nothing. In fact it was possible that she felt worse than she did before she had gone to bed.
Currently Rin was supporting her heavy head with hand, her elbow propped against the table. Her half-lidded eyes staring in the direction of the blackboard, she tried to take in the lecture her teacher was making. A valiant effort to be sure, but it was in vain, her mind insisted she had more important matters to be dealing with and she wasn't inclined to disagree.
The truth was last night she had actually gotten very little sleep, although not for lack of trying. At first it had gone well, she had changed into her nightclothes, snuggled down into her nice warm bed and allowed unconsciousness to soothe away all her worries. Then just as she was on the verge of sleep, a single word had propelled her straight back into full awareness.
Abortion.
That word had kept her awake for hours last night, as the arguments for and against duelled in her mind.
On the one hand, many would consider her too young. Being a mother was going to be hard and time-consuming and would likely put considerable strain on her studies as a magus. She also didn't know if she was capable of being a good mother. She would have to raise the child as the heir to the Tohsaka family, a path that was likely to be filled with hardship, was she capable of putting any child through that, let alone her own? True, she had trodden that same path but it had been made easier because she had chosen it herself.
On the other side of the debate, she would have to produce an heir at some point, why not now? Plus she had heard that sometimes if the operation went wrong it would leave the woman completely without the ability to reproduce, the risk was small, tiny but it was still there.
Then there was Shirou, what would he think? After all, the child was part of him too and if she was going to make him take responsibility, then shouldn't she allow him a say?
These arguments and others went back and forth inside her head for the better part of two hours keeping her awake. Finally a new thought entered her head, a memory really and her decision was made.
The memory was of the Einzbern girl, Ilyasviel. It had been one of the most sickening, horrific things she had ever seen. As she’d laid there the image of the child's broken, battered body lingered at the forefront of her mind. Eyeless, heartless a pool of blood forming from the oozing wound in her chest.
She knew it was stupid, that there was a difference between an abortion and that. But as she lay there she couldn't prevent herself from placing a hand on her stomach and curling up into a ball.
Unable to shake the vision from her mind's eye she knew her decision had been made.
She was snapped from her reverie by the shrill ringing of the bell, indicating the end of the school day. She stood, along with the rest of the class as they made their way towards the door.
The old man yelled something about homework but she didn't bother to pay attention, it wouldn't matter for her much longer. Would she even be able to make it to the summer holidays? If she tried everybody would surely notice, their in-built ability to ignore any of her flaws wouldn't be able to censor that.
She had waited for Shirou at the gates that morning and whispered her instructions for him to meet her for lunch, enduring Ryudo's suspicious gaze accusations of her being a witch the whole time. She allowed herself a small grin, it was a pity that he would never learn how right he was, she would've loved to see his face.
She groaned as a new thought occurred to her. The student council president had made quite a fuss when she and Shirou had “come out” so to speak, and quite frankly it had been annoying. She could only imagine how he react to this.
She had arrived on the roof to find it empty. She mentally shrugged and sat down, it was likely Shirou had gone to buy lunch before coming to meet her.
As it turned out, she was right. He walked through the doorway carrying two packets of sandwiches and two cartons of orange juice. She accepted one of each with a modest thank you. Apparently she'd been a little too modest because he raised an eyebrow at her. She'd had to resort to a little teasing to knock him off balance.
In the end though she'd chickened out and not told him what she'd meant to. Instead she simply told him that she would walk home with him after school. He’d agreed but gave her a funny look, probably wondering why she couldn’t of just told him that at the gate that morning.
Now here she was, waiting at the gates again. He probably had someone who needed his help after school but hopefully would think to come tell her first. Unfortunately she hadn’t yet been able to knock all the martyr out of him.
He appeared not long after she did, his school approved bag slung over his shoulder and a frown on his face, that she knew meant he was thinking something over. The sight of it made her stomach clench and she had to shut her thoughts down before they could start jumping to conclusions. It helped that he smiled upon seeing her.
“Let’s go then.” He said, causing her to raise an eyebrow.
“Go? Don’t you have any clubs you’re meant help clean up, or anything?”
“Well you're my girlfriend now, so I’m supposed to put you first right?” She noticed his cheeks began to glow faintly at the word “girlfriend”. Still his answer had lifted a weight of her shoulders that she hadn’t even realised she was carrying. Although it was only partially true, his schedule was remarkably clear today.
“I-idiot!” she exclaimed her cheeks flaring brilliantly “Don’t just say it where anyone can hear.”
He quietly congratulated himself on scoring one over on her, such moments were rare.
“But that’s right and don’t forget, I’m your master too, so that goes double.” He could tell she was suppressing a smile and possibly a giggle, as he sighed.
“Yeah, yeah.” He looked straight at her, “Anyway didn’t you have something to tell me?” That managed to bring back her earlier sombre attitude.
“Yes, but um…I’d rather talk about it in private. When we get to your place.” She then quickly changed the subject to something less serious, there would be plenty of that later.
***
He heard Rin walk into the kitchen behind him, he could feel the nervous energy rolling off her. Whatever she had to tell him must be important, he felt his gut clench. His nerves had been steadily growing worse since she had stopped him at the school gates that morning, his mind conjuring up new and worse scenarios about her “news”.
His hands slowed in the process of drying the dish he was holding; gently he placed it in the rack and turned to face her.
Truthfully he’d been a little concerned, she’d been quite all throughout dinner, not once taking an opportunity to make a subtle jab at him. He’d even started deliberately saying stupid things, although nothing too obvious, and still there had been nothing. She seemed to have been lost in thought for most of the meal, as though she was battling with herself over something. Honestly, it had made the whole experience kind of uncomfortable; even Fuji-nee had noticed and refrained from bothering her. He’d hoped she’d tell him what was troubling her and it looked like he was about to get his wish.
The sound of the television coming from the other room told him Fuji-nee was still here. That was the reason Rin hadn’t told him earlier. She’d been about to not long after they’d arrived home but then Fuji-nee had come barrelling through the front door like a force of nature, and she had been hungry.
Sakura had arrived with her and Rin had immediately gone silent. In fact now and then throughout dinner Rin had been throwing the younger girl weird glances, almost like she was worried about her. She probably thought she’d been discreet but Shirou had caught her. Sakura had been acting awkward too, in fact she had left immediately after the meal citing family business. Rin had watched her leave with an uneasy expression on her face.
Fuji-nee hadn’t been nearly so accommodating. In fact she’d seemed to be reluctant to leave the two of them alone, it was almost like she didn’t trust them. Given how she’d reacted when she’d found out about their relationship, that was actually a step up. Although it was still a bit of a pain but he knew she wouldn’t approve. Her attempts to hook him up with Sakura were becoming more and more transparent.
“So Rin.” He said, “What did you need to talk about.” He watched her take a couple of deep breaths and he made a conscious effort to keep his mind blank. The way she looked right then didn’t help, she was obviously nervous and hesitant but it was different from the other times he had seen her that way. She looked…fragile, for lack of a better word. It was a look he’d never seen on her before and he couldn’t say it was welcome.
There was a long period of silence before finally:
“I’m pregnant.”
Suddenly he didn’t need to put so much effort into keeping his mind blank. He stayed that way for a full minute before his mind slowly began to work again, like an old machine slowly winding up.
“Huh.” He mumbled and saw Rin’s eyebrow twitch. Oh well, at least he’d avoided the standard idiot’s question, in this situation.
“Huh!” That’s all you can say, huh!” She leaned in close and looked him in the eye. Still, he could hear a kind of desperation accompanying her anger.
“Sorry. I just…when?” he asked, backing away raising his hands in a defensive gesture. Although, he almost immediately knew that had been a stupid question, there was only one time it could have been.
Rin backed down and began massaging her temples. It was a couple of moments before she spoke again. To Shirou those moments seemed to stretch on into hours.
“Well the only time we did…it,” she said as she stared at the floor tiles, he noticed the faint blush on her cheeks, “was during the war.”
He felt the blood rush to his own cheeks at the memories of that night.
“How long…”
“Since last night.”
“Oh.” he watched her careful but it didn’t look like she was about to explode again. “Do you want some tea?” She looked at him for a second before answering.
“Sure.”
He filled the kettle with enough water for three people (Fuji-nee would be upset if she got left out) and flipped the switch; more to buy himself time to think than anything else. He turned back towards his girlfriend and licked his lips, his mouth had suddenly gone dry.
“Have you come to any decisions yet?”
“Only that I’m keeping it.” Oh, is that all?
“Rin, that’s actually a pretty big decision.” He said.
“Oh, you disagree?” she asked, coolly. He felt a chill run down his spine.
“No no.” he stuttered quickly, “That’s actually…I just want to know if you have a plan.”
“Not really. But I’ll probably have to quit school.” She replied, and lower she added, “And I probably won’t be able to go to the clock tower.”
“I see.” That must have hit her hard, he knew she’d actually been looking forward to that.
“It’s not a problem. I told you before right, as a magus I don’t actually have to attend school.” He nodded, he remembered her saying something along those lines.
“What I want to know Shirou, is how involved you’re going to be?”
“All the way.” He replied without hesitation. He had no doubts over his involvement, he loved Rin and the child was his as well.
“So, what now?” he asked.
“I don’t know.” She mumbled.
“Well, should we move in together or something?” The look on her face told him that she hadn’t even thought about that yet.
“I-I don’t think the school would approve of two students living together.” That was true but he didn’t really care, there were more important things in life than a reputation, at least for him.
The two drifted into silence again and Shirou reflected on how staggered their conversation had been, not nearly as emotionally charged as he would have expected. Maybe it was because he knew what was important to him. After so long living exclusively for others it was easy for him to tell what he held dear. Still, there was a small part of him that was nervous, perhaps even frightened.
It was Rin who eventually broke the silence.
“Um-I’m going to make an appointment to see a doctor at some point tomorrow. You should probably come along.”
“Yeah sure.” He replied, “that sounds like a good idea.” He didn’t mention he would have insisted on going even if she didn’t want him to.
Then she smiled at him, a genuine smile that contained more than a little relief. He didn’t know what she had been expecting but his own mood was lightened by the sight of that smile.
“Good.” She said he tone an body posture back to normal, although he could tell it was an act, “Well I guess this conversations done for now, at least until after the doctor.”
“Yeah.” He replied. Over come by a sudden compulsion he moved himself closer to her, she looked up at him and met his gaze as he brought his head down, tilting it to the left slightly. He could see the light blush that had returned to her cheeks and could feel her breathe on his. Mere inches away from her lips he-
“Oi, what are you two doing in there?”
-stopped. Trust Fuji-nee to ruin a perfectly good moment without even realising what was going on. He looked at Rin who seemed to be just as annoyed by the interruption as he was, he sighed.
“I guess we should do it now.”
“Yeah.”
Together the two of them turned and walked back into the living room. There they found Taiga Fujimura sprawled, lazily next to the table.
Shirou narrowed his eyes, she probably had known what he’d been about to do in the kitchen, or at least had a pretty good guess. They’d been talking quietly, except for Rin’s initial outburst, and the long period of silence had probably lead her to imagining things she didn’t want to see.
Sometimes he found it depressing that he knew how her mind worked.
“Yo Shirou. What’s up, you look serious? Lover’s quarrel?” she asked, smiling.
Sorry, you’re out of luck Fuji-nee.
“Rin’s pregnant.” He replied simply. He saw his girlfriend shoot him a look out the corner of his eye, like she thought he’d gone crazy. Oh well, too late now.
The two of them watched as the grin began to slip from their teacher’s face, to stop only momentarily on a neutral expression. From there it moved to shock and then into a deep frown and a fire began to rage in her eyes.
“What!”
***
Rin went to bed feeling decidedly lighter and more relaxed than she had the previous night. It had been quite late by the time the discussion had ended and Shirou had offered her the room she had used during the war, the one right across the hallway from his. Fujimura-sensei had protested but amazingly Shirou had managed to shoot her down, so she had insisted on taking the other guestroom and staying the night herself.
Rin snorted, what was the woman trying to do? Surely the night’s conversation had enlightened her on the nature of their relationship. Or rather that she was too late to prevent anything.
Telling Shirou about their impending parenthood at taken quite the weight off her shoulders it seemed. She hadn’t mentioned anything about abortion to him, as she’d already made her decision and besides from his response she could tell he would have been against it anyway. Actually she’d known before making her own decision that he would be against it.
She’d left it to him to tell Fujimura-sensei the details, well as much as he could without mentioning magecraft or the Holy Grail War anyway. She’d stepped in a couple of times when it looked like he was going to trip up (each time earning a glare from Fujimura-sensei) but he’d done a pretty good job of it. In end it just sounded like the two of them had been seeing each other secretly since February, which was true, from a certain point of view.
Fujimura-sensei had reacted pretty much the way she’d expected her to react, as Shirou’s surrogate sister. First came the stunned disbelief, followed by how this must be her fault since Shirou was a good and careful boy, followed by accusations that she was trying to trap him. It had taken Rin more effort than she thought it would to reign in her temper, she guessed she’d be blaming her hormones a lot for the next nine months, or seven now actually.
She’d noticed Shirou sighing discretely several times during the discussion too, mostly when their opponent had subtly (or not so subtly) insulted her. It had actually pleased her somewhat to know that he had found Fujimura-sensei’s remarks just as tiresome.
In the end the tiger (Rin had secretly latches onto that name after discovering that the woman hated it) had reluctantly backed down, though she had still occasionally glared in Rin’s general direction for the rest of the evening.
As she wrapped the covers snugly around her body, Rin reminded herself that it was actually a long way from over. She still had to make the appointment with the doctor tomorrow and there would be a lot of other things that she didn’t know about yet. The ordeals would last seven more months (or perhaps eighteen years) but as long as she had Shirou she’d be okay. At least, that’s what she liked to believe.
However at that moment she would allow herself to bask in the knowledge that for today at least everything had turned out all right.
That night she had the pleasant dreams she’d failed to have the night before.
***
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Originally Posted by Hymn of Ragnarok
