To be fair to Beam and Mozco, they've made it clear that they're writing this just to have fun. I don't think they are being very serious about this. I think being able to take the jokes and plot seriously and still be able to laugh at it is a sign of a better structured story, but if this is just their unwind project....well, free lunch, as they say.
Originally Posted by Hymn of Ragnarok
That's all, folks!
What I really think would help is not to play up the dramatic flair by having Sakura feign fear. Like having her duck Rin and herself under some cover before pulling out the jewel or something instead of standing there.
This would be the same Sakura from HF True right? Why would she need Rin's jewels(I'd assume because of the lessened prep time, but those still need an incantation)anyway? Just have her silently cast "water/absorption/imaginary element made-up technique A" or something from cover, or, use mystic eyes. Not a lot of prep time needed for that and you can Jedi-Mind trick the goons.
"Fate/stay night: not really an eroge, and not really a cooking sim, but actually an RPG wherein everyone’s primary stat is “self-loathing” and the goal is to level it up beyond all the other characters."
IIRC, her water/Absortion works mainly with spirits, and with magi because it drains their prana. Against normals it shouldn't do that much.
Spoiler:
No, it takes physical energy too. And she has lots of prana to waste, so the effect goes up. It's *less effective*, not ineffective. Plus I added the hypnotism with mystic eyes as well for ideas.
"Fate/stay night: not really an eroge, and not really a cooking sim, but actually an RPG wherein everyone’s primary stat is “self-loathing” and the goal is to level it up beyond all the other characters."
...Why did ducking behind cover not occur to me?
Altima's right, Sakura getting behind cover works so much better. Rin getting shot, falling to the ground, and Sakura catching her and shoving them both behind a corner, whereupon she prepares a jewel or one of her unique spells (I prefer the latter, more straightforward), and ducking out to cast and incapacitate the goons is much better. Further improvement would be Sakura being able to neutralize the threat without even exposing herself to their guns.
This way Rin goes down and Sakura kicks ass on her own merits, and not because of the incompetence and mistakes of the enemy. Such a victory would be much more satisfying.
That's all, folks!
Honestly? We are pretty much just having fun with this story. Not to mention we're still kinda finding our voice on it; we've never done a collab that wasn't utter crack before. I'm sure there's missteps here and there.
That said, we're also both kind of on the overworked side, with mental and emotional states leaning consistently toward 'fucking exhausted'. It's not impossible that we'll go about revising some plot points, but honestly? We're playing. This is us playing a game and trying to make each other smile. I wouldn't bet on us taking the effort for revisions as extensive as y'all are suggesting, even if I can see the merit behind some of them. We are not getting paid for this, y'know? It already takes enough time and energy just to keep things going forward, in among all our other projects.
No prob. If you are just playing around with a story to unwind, there is no problem in that. Just bringing out some suggestions (like she is Fuyuki's Supervisor, gaining some connections with the Church and Association for example), but honestly? Just have fun writing if that is what you're planning.
I assume you guys just discuss things on AIM and then write a draft which you both look up.
"Fate/stay night: not really an eroge, and not really a cooking sim, but actually an RPG wherein everyone’s primary stat is “self-loathing” and the goal is to level it up beyond all the other characters."
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