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    I Return PhoenixAct's Avatar
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    Resonance of Fate

    Disclaimer: I own neither James Bond 007 nor Fate/Zero or Fate/Stay Night.


    Chapter
    I – You Only Live Twice



    He'd received the call in his apartment thirty minutes ago, ordering to come in to receive new orders. He entered the outer office and as usual found the old woman's assistant busy typing up some report or other, after a couple of minutes she looked up from her work and saw him.

    “James. To what do I owe the pleasure?” she said in fake astonishment.

    “Maybe I just wished to pay you a visit, Moneypenny,” he replied.

    “Now if you could just manage to visit out of office hours,” her voice was a mixture of flirtatious and sarcastic.

    “I wasn't aware there was such a thing.”

    “Indeed,” she responded, raising an eyebrow, “You'd best go in, she's expecting you. There's already someone in there with her, he looked like a priest.”

    “A priest?” he asked, to which Moneypenny simply made a gesture indicating that she didn't know what to make of it either. Wondering what was going on he walked over to the entrance to M's office and rapped firmly on the door.

    “Enter,” came his superior's voice from the other side.

    He pushed the door open and found and found M already engage in conversation with someone. Sure enough he looked like a priest and judging from his outfit he would guess the man was a representative of the Church of England. On the floor next to the man's chair, was a briefcase, holdall and on top of the holdall was a thick, leather-bound tome.

    “Ah, Bond good. Take a seat,” M said indicating the second, only empty seat in front of her desk. Bond complied without a fuss. He felt unsure of himself and in his line of work that was a feeling one grew to dislike. He noticed the priest turn his head to stare at him intently, as if studying a specimen he had placed some importance on.

    “So this is the man you spoke of?” the priest asked.

    “Yes it is,” M replied, before turning to address Bond, “Listen 007, you're going to hear things in this briefing that may be a little difficult to believe. I know it's not your speciality but try and be patient.” All of this was said in her usual curt manner.

    “M, I've been witness to some very bizarre things before including a space station built by a racial supremacist.” The older woman merely snorted at his words.

    “Trust me, you've never heard anything like this,” she said, folding her arms atop her desk, “So tell me Bond, do you believe in magic?” He had to struggle to maintain his amused expression, he certainly hadn't been expecting her to say something like that.

    “Magic?” he echoed, “You mean pulling rabbits out of hats?”

    “I mean, as in Merlin of King Arthur's court,” she answered, as though she hadn't just said something incredible.

    “...Maybe you've been working to hard,” Bond replied, privately he wondered whether age had finally caught up with her/ Perhaps she had started to go senile.

    “Don't take that tone with me,” she said in an unamused tone of voice, then sighed. “I can't fault your disbelief 007 but I assure you it's all true. Indeed the centre of the Magic Association the Clocktower, is here in London, a benefit of being the centre of the world when magic practitioners began making international cooperation a priority. Although I use the words benefit and cooperation very loosely.” Bond merely stared at her for a moment or two, he was contemplating going back into the outer office and asking Moneypenny to call for the company psychiatrist.

    “In fact,” M continued, “You've already worked with a magus before. Do you remember your encounter with Kiritsugu Emiya?”

    Bond paused, Kiritsugu Emiya, A Japanese man he'd met once during a visit to Germany; as it turned out both of them had been hunting the same man. He'd been a cold, cynical man and Bond had gotten the impression that this man had suffered more in his childhood than most regular people did in the whole lives. Emiya had also been ruthlessly efficient, sometimes utilising tactics that Bond himself might have been weary of. But to say the man was capable of performing magic...

    “Perhaps I should take it from here?” the priest finally spoke up.

    “By all means,” M replied.

    “Hello mister Bond, I am a representative of the Church of England my name is Martin Blessing, and appropriate name for a priest I know. However, as well as a priest I am also a magus.” Bond raised and eyebrow at this, a priest that openly claimed to practice witchcraft? However he made no comment.

    “I can understand your scepticism,” Martin continued, “Please allow me to demonstrate.” The priest lifted a piece of paper from the desk and closed his eyes in concentration, after a couple of moments a thin layer of ice began to creep slowly over the paper. Bond was struck speechless for a moment or two, when the power of speech returned to him he said:

    “Impressive.”

    “Hardly,” the priest chuckled, “There are many magus' with greater abilities than I. Now as for why I'm here, as you know her majesty herself is head of the Church of England and this request comes directly from her.” An atmosphere of formality washed over the room and Bond sat up a little straighter.

    “A war is brewing mister Bond and the eye of the storm is in Japan.” The priest then launched into an explanation on the situation.

    The war as it turned out was between seven magus, known as “Masters”, and the summoned spirits of legendary warriors, known as “Servants”. They would then fight until only one pair was left, the victors would then claim the Holy Grail, which would grant them anything they wished for. He also explained that the crown was uneasy about this after events that had transpired at the end of the last war. Not to mention that quite a number of mages were almost amoral, the idea of any of them getting a wish without limits should strike fear into any right-minded person.

    He had also made a point to explain that the “Holy Grail” wasn't actually the cup that had caught the blood of Christ but an incredibly powerful magic artefact that had been named after it.

    Bond was beginning to doubt his own sanity as he found he was actually believing the words coming from the other man's mouth.

    “The church has approached you because we have no other choice. The Vatican has its own department to deal with supernatural threats, known as the Burial Agency. We however, have no such equivalent, we've simply never needed it before,” Martin continued, “And I must stress that everything I have just told is to be kept in the strictest confidence, the Association does not like its secrets getting out and has a bad habit of killing those that discover them.

    “I believe I understand,” Bond said, leaving out the just about, “However, what makes you believe that I'm suitable for this assignment?”

    “I'll answer that,” said M, “Do you remember the physical that I ordered all double 0's to go through two weeks ago?” Bond did remember, it was the longest physical examination he had ever been through and there had been a few test on their that he hadn't remembered ever performing before.

    “Well,” M continued, “Those test were actually to find the best candidate for this assignment. As it turns out, not only do you have the largest number of magic circuits out of all current agents but yours have shown the least amount of atrophy, despite never being consciously used.” Magic circuits? Bond never got to voice his question as M continued:

    “Second, your meeting with Emiya means you've had more contact with magus than any other agent and you're already familiar with Japan itself, at least, more so than any other agaent..” M smiled, “Finally, you have a record for completing missions that many others would find impossible.” Bond nearly blinked in surprise, that had sounded dangerously close to being a compliment.

    “Your mission isn't to acquire the grail but to stop anyone who may pose a threat to Britain and her interest from laying a hand on it. Understood?” Bond nodded, of course the easiest way to accomplish that would be to win the thing himself.

    M nodded to Martin who then reached down and lifted the briefcase from beside his chair.

    “This briefcase,” the priest began, “Contains several special relics that the Church has collected over the years, they may prove useful to you.” Next he reached down and produced the tome, “This book contains a great deal of information on magic and how to perform it. I have bookmark the page with instructions on how to summon a servant.” Lastly he produced the holdall.

    “Finally,” he said, “You will need a catalyst with which to summon a servant,” he unzipped the bag to reveal a very old-looking snare drum and Bond lifted an eyebrow.

    “We procured this from Buckland Abbey, it is the drum Sir Francis Drake took with him on every one of his voyages and is said to be able summon him if England is ever in danger.”

    “Bond,” M spoke again, “When you get to Japan, you are to meet with a Raiga Fujimura, he will give you the lay of the local land, here's his profile, along with further instructions” she handed in a brown envelope, “Be careful what you say and who you say it to. Other than Fujimura himself, we have no idea which members of his organization know about the existence of magecraft. Now, Moneypenny has your tickets, your plane leaves in an hour. Dismissed and good luck.”

    - - -

    It was dark when Bond's plane touched down in Fuyuki airport, he'd spent most of the flight studying the tome Father Martin had given him, attempting to memorise as much of the summoning ritual as he could. After he had collected his luggage and given it a quick glance over to make sure everything was in order, he had headed outside intending to find the man who was to take him to the address in Fujimura's profile. However once he got outside he found a man in a suit holding a sign that said “Bond” in English. He approached the man who asked:

    “Mister Bond?” Bond nodded in reply and the man made a sharp motion with his head and headed in to the car park, Bond followed close behind. The man lead him to a black Mercedes and opened the trunk for Bond to place his belongings in, then the rear door.

    “Arigato,” Bond said, as he got in to the car.

    There was very little traffic at this time of night and the journey the Fujimura estate took a little over ten minutes. The two rode in silence the whole way and Bond spent this time thinking, one of the same thoughts he'd had on the plane. He wasn't sure how he felt about being back in Japan, he had some very good memories here but also some very bad ones..

    When they arrived at the estate Raiga Fujimura himself was waiting for them at the entrance, he recognised the man immediately from his picture. He was taller than was average for a Japanese man and was slightly better built than average too; his black hair was shot through with patches of grey.

    “Good evening, Bond-san,” Fujimura said with a bow.

    “Good evening, Fujimura-san,” Bond replied in Japanese, returning the bow.

    “Oh, you speak Japanese?”

    “Yes, although it has been a while since I have needed to use it,” Bond answered.

    “We could talk in English is you like?”

    “No, that's okay. If I'm going to do my job properly I'll need to brush-up.”

    “I understand. Please come this way, there is someone inside who wishes to speak to you and then we can get down to business. It was quite a surprise to me when he arrived” Bond hesitated slightly, someone else knew about his arrival here? Still, it would he seem he had no choice but to go see who it was, part of him wished he hadn't had to give up his Walther before boarding the plane.

    He walked through the door Fujimura had led him to and was struck by the dissonance. Outside it looked like a highly traditional Japanese mansion and gardens but this room resembled a western bar, complete with oak panelling and as many different bottles of spirits as he could imagine. There was a handful of men scattered around the room and there sitting up against the bar was...

    “Tiger!”

    “It has been a while Bond-san,” responded “Tiger” Tanaka, head of the Koan-Chosa-Cho.

    “I take it you heard about my assignment?”

    “Do not worry, I am not here to interfere. Officially I am only here to let you know we are aware of your presence in our country. Unofficially, I am to tell you that Japan has a vested interest in the outcome of your mission and I can provide you with aid should you require it later on.”

    “So you two know each other. Good, that saves time,” Fujimura said, “May I offer either of you a drink?”

    “I have had one already,” Tiger replied, “But I believe Bond-san will have a vodka-martini.”

    “If you have it,” Bond said, eyeing the bottles behind the bar.

    “Very well,” Fujimura made a motion to one of the men standing around the room and the man immediately headed to make the drinks. “Ah, I would also like both of you to be aware that the only members of my organisation that know of the moonlit world are all here in this room, I would particularly like to keep my wife and daughter out of it.” Bond nodded in understanding, it was likely the only reason the man was getting involved at all was because the war was taking place in his city.

    Forty-five minutes later Bond and Fujimura both had empty glasses in front of them and all three men were looking over maps of the city. Tiger and Fujimura had just finished informing him what each district of the city contained and which parts were best avoided unless he was armed.

    “Now then gentlemen, I believe we should wrap up for the night,” Fujimura said eventually. “Bond-san, the car will take you back to your hotel but first I believe you need to perform your summoning. I've cleared out an old storehouse for you to use. You have a catalyst?”

    “In my holdall,” Bond replied. Fujimura nodded at one of his men, who then departed and reappeared a minute later with the aforementioned luggage.

    Not long after that, the three of them were standing in empty storehouse, looking down at the odd markings Bond had copied out of his book onto the floor. He had drawn with a bottle of red liquid that had been in the same bag as the drum, an attached not had said it was paint infused with mana. In the centre of the marking sat Drake's drum.

    Bond flicked to the next page of the book and began to recite the words that were written there. At first he felt incredibly foolish, but then the runes had begun to glow brighter and brighter, so bright that Bond almost needed to cover his eyes. When he eventually finished the incantation the light slowly began to fade and then disappeared completely.

    And there standing in the middle of the circle, right next to the drum was a woman with long, red hair, a scar running diagonally across her face over the bridge of her nose and a pair of noticeably large breasts. She grinned at him roguishly:

    “I'm servant Rider and you must be my master.”

    - - -

    And that makes four, four ongoing fics I have at the current moment, thus I will not be starting any more until at least one of these is finished. Well, I say that let's see If I stick to it. I do have a one-shot that I'll be posting in a bit.

    Anyway yeah, a lot of talking this chapter, there should be more action in the next one.

    Also, I will be drawing on aspects from both the books and the films.
    Last edited by PhoenixAct; March 20th, 2012 at 12:38 PM.
    If you're going through hell, keep going. - Winston Churchill

    There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so. - William Shakespeare



  2. #2
    Licensed Fatman ZidanReign's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PhoenixAct View Post
    Disclaimer: James Bond 007 Fate/Zero
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    MOTHER OF GOD

    WHAT HAVE YOU UNLEASHED UPON THE MORTAL WORLD

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    Master of Hermione Alter Kieran's Avatar
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    And I thought I had weird crossover ideas . . .

    Nice to see Tanaka-san again (I always did like that one), and Drake is an interesting choice for "Her Majesty's Loyal Terrier." But I'm still curious as to why Bond was invited into the War in the first place.
    “Love will be cruel to who it entices — love will have its sacrifices.”

    — Carmilla Theme




    "Evil isn't the real threat to the world. Stupid is just as destructive as Evil, maybe more so, and it's a hell of a lot more common. What we really need is a crusade against Stupid. That might actually make a difference."

    ―Jim Butcher, Vignette




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    Cute Boy Who Likes To Show Off Nacho the Doritosedge's Avatar
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    I'm more excited to see the OTHER pretty ladies. this is a James Bond thing, after all.

    Also, I had pretty much the same reaction as hazama, coupled with some incredulous laughter and weird, weird smiling.

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    New E Tom B NuitTombee's Avatar
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    Another interesting fic to follow.

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    Kirgin Vitchen Apple's Avatar
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    I came in expecting to see a Resonance of Fate/Fate Stay Night crossover ):

    Guess nobody knows that game after all

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    I Return PhoenixAct's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Apple View Post
    I came in expecting to see a Resonance of Fate/Fate Stay Night crossover ):

    Guess nobody knows that game after all
    I am aware of the game, in fact I own a copy. Where do you think I stole the title from in the first place?

    @Kieran: I thought it was clear...ah well. The CoE is aware of the war but don't have an equivalent of the burial agency to do anything about it and so need to outsource. MI6 are now aware of the HGW and consider the grail a threat to the security of Great Britain. Both are aware that something went wrong at the end of the last war.

    Question, is it wrong that I have a desire to write a scene where Iri gets behind the whell of one of Bond's cars?
    If you're going through hell, keep going. - Winston Churchill

    There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so. - William Shakespeare



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    Zap! Alulim's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PhoenixAct View Post
    Question, is it wrong that I have a desire to write a scene where Iri gets behind the wheel of one of Bond's cars?
    It is the opposite of wrong.
    Everything I say is a lie.
    LIKE A KING


    Quote Originally Posted by Komrade Kwestions View Post
    "It's not gay, it's magecraft!"

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    New E Tom B NuitTombee's Avatar
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    Left?
    Left ↔ Right ↔ Wrong

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    Ahahahahahahaha! Hymn of Ragnarok's Avatar
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    First, I like this concept. I really do. But I feel that you either didn’t run spell check, or you didn’t beta before posting. You really should give your work several reads before posting. I’d also work on your run-on sentences, because you use them a lot.

    Also, I can’t tell whether this is Zero or Stay Night. On one hand, old Raiga. On the other, he’s old in either story. Kiritsugu: no mention of his death, but that tells us jack. No mention of his relations to Einzbern.

    I am really, really not liking how little intel Bond has apparently gotten. It seems exceptionally careless. The rushing him out the door had better mean this is FSN, the War that took all by surprise.

    It also feels like you rushed this chapter so you could get to the War. Possibly Bond and Rider. While I don’t blame you, if you did, it shows. Badly.

    I’ll keep an eye on this, but I do hope you’re more careful in the technical aspects in the future.


    her voice voice was a mixture of flirtatious and sarcastic.

    Lose one voice.


    Bond complied without a fuss, he felt unsure of himself and in his line of work that was a feeling one grew to dislike.

    These should be two sentences.


    she said, folding her arms atop her desk, “So tell me Bond, do you believe in magic?” He had to struggle to maintain his amused expression, he certainly hadn't been expecting her to say something like that.

    Change to this:

    she said, folding her arms atop her desk. “So tell me Bond, do you believe in magic?”

    He had to struggle to maintain his amused expression. He certainly hadn't been expecting her to say something like that.

    Also, I noticed you occasionally Say something in a quote, describe an action, use a comma, and then get right back into dialogue. Just use a period and start a new sentence/thought.



    Bond replied, privately he wondered whether age had finally caught up with her, perhaps she had started to go senile.

    Again, two sentences, split at perhaps.



    she said in an unamused tone of voice, then sighed, “I can't

    Period after sighed. Doubly so if you meant sighed to be a saidism.


    Indeed the centre of the Magic Association the Clocktower, is here in London, a benefit of being the centre of the world when magic practitioners began making international cooperation a priority.

    I'd suggest:

    Indeed the centre of the Magic Association, the Clocktower, is here in London; a benefit of being the centre of the world when magic practitioners began making international cooperation a priority.

    If you must keep them one sentence. The exposition is strong in this one....and honestly, I'd expect a secret agent to be quietly, mentally, privtaely, freaking the fuck out about a secret organization on their home turf that they never knew about. And the only reason 007 being quiet is because he's just now learning from M, so at least she had it under control.

    Still, secret organization that 007 doesn't know about. Alarm bells should be ringing and he should be imagining possible double crosses.



    Although I use the words benefit and cooperation very loosely.” Bond merely stared at her for a moment or two, he was contemplating going back into the outer office and asking Moneypenny to call for the company psychiatrist.

    Separate paragraphs. Perspective/dialogue/action switching to Bond warrants paragraph break.



    Bond paused, Kiritsugu Emiya, A Japanese man he'd met once during a visit to Germany; as it turned out both of them had been hunting the same man.

    I'd put a period after paused. In fact I think you did mean this to be separate sentences, if the capitalization of A is anything to go by.

    Personal aside here, I'd expect Bond to recall much more. This is...vague. I get the impression you're rushing the exposition to get to the War, but you are skimping. From an agent of Bond's caliber I'd expect at least a note that he recalled quite a bit about Kiritsugu. Maybe a note about Kiritsugu's aim, his situational awareness, ability to think on the fly and make fast, difficult choices.

    Also, this feels very rambly, casual. When I watch or read Bond, and admittedly it's been a while since I popped in a movie, I expect the impression that there is a lot going on in his head. Whether he's flirting, drinking, or killing, he's always on his toes and thinking about something.

    This Bond's head sounds rather empty. Like there's just not a lot going on. It's saddening.



    tactics that Bond himself might have been weary of.

    That's wary of.



    “Hello mister Bond, I am a representative of the Church of England my name is Martin Blessing, and appropriate name for a priest I know. However, as well as a priest I am also a magus.” Bond raised and eyebrow at this, a priest that openly claimed to practice witchcraft? However he made no comment.

    ...This was just bad. I hate to say this, but you very nearly lost me here. As in, made me want to hit Back.

    First, mister is Mister.

    Second, run-on sentence.

    Third, and appropriate name is an appropriate name.

    ...Lemme just touch this up...

    “Hello Mister Bond, I am a representative of the Church of England. My name is Martin Blessing." He smiled wryly. "An appropriate name for a priest, I know. However in addition to being a priest, I am also a magus.”

    This, to me, just flows much better. Smiled wryly could be smirked or whatever facial expression you want, but at least you're not cramming his lines in one string of text. Frankly I feel like we're being beat over the head with his priesthood and would consider cutting out in addition to being a priest or what you used.



    magus.” Bond raised and eyebrow at this, a priest that openly claimed to practice witchcraft? However he made no comment.

    Paragraph break here too. and is an.

    magus.”

    Bond raised an eyebrow at this. A priest that openly claimed to practice witchcraft? But he made no comment.

    I'd also consider cutting the no comment part. It feels redundant.



    The priest lifted a piece of paper from the desk and closed his eyes in concentration, after a couple of moments a thin layer of ice began to creep slowly over the paper. Bond was struck speechless for a moment or two, when the power of speech returned to him he said:

    ...I call bullshit. With the many, many gadgets at Bond's disposal and that he has seen Q produce, this should not be irrefutable proof of the existence of magic. Bond should be picking apart this trick like a stage magician until he's verified, at least in his own mind, that this is legit. If he doesn't get the opportunity to do so, he still shouldn’t be convinced. He should be still express skepticism until he can verify that no technology was used.

    Hell, Martin’s in a priest outfit. Which is rather vague, mind you, but I would assume he has long sleeves. Possibly nice baggy sleeves. Perhaps a glib remark from 007 about pulling up his sleeves and doing it again?

    Right, bitching over. At least for plot purposes. Anyways, this is a run-on sentence. Put a period after concentration.

    ….Also, Bond, struck speechless over this? Yeah right. Bond’s mouth never stops running, and certainly not for this.



    “Hardly,” the priest chuckled,

    Damn straight. Also, period after chuckled.



    “There are many magus' with greater abilities than I.

    magus’ is magi, I’d switch I to myself.



    “Hardly,” the priest chuckled, “There are many magus' with greater abilities than I. Now as for why I'm here, as you know her majesty herself is head of the Church of England and this request comes directly from her.” An atmosphere of formality washed over the room and Bond sat up a little straighter.

    “A war is brewing mister Bond and the eye of the storm is in Japan.”

    I’m just going to rewrite this to give an example of what I think is a better organized segment:

    “Hardly,” the priest chuckled. “There are many magi with greater abilities than I. But I digress. I come bearing a request from Her Majesty.”

    An atmosphere of formality washed over the room and Bond sat up a little straighter.

    “A war is brewing, Mister Bond, and the eye of the storm is in Japan.”

    You can make changes as you please. I know I’ve made some fairly radical rearrangements, and if you don’t make them it’s fine, but…..the next segment is one I really do not like and I don’t care much for this one either.

    I feel like you’ve dropped the Queen’s leadership of the Church of England without doing much with it. I get that this is why the Queen knows anything, but I feel like it belongs elsewhere.



    The priest then launched into an explanation on the situation.

    The war as it turned out was between seven magus, known as “Masters”, and the summoned spirits of legendary warriors, known as “Servants”. They would then fight until only one pair was left, the victors would then claim the Holy Grail, which would grant them anything they wished for. He also explained that the crown was uneasy about this after events that had transpired at the end of the last war. Not to mention that quite a number of mages were almost amoral, the idea of any of them getting a wish without limits should strike fear into any right-minded person.

    He had also made a point to explain that the “Holy Grail” wasn't actually the cup that had caught the blood of Christ but an incredibly powerful magic artefact that had been named after it.


    Hate. Hate hate HATE HATE HATE.

    This is telling, not showing. I really get the feeling that you’re trying to skip past the boring bits to write the War. This is a segment that I feel should be shown, with repartee between the three over the details of the War. As it is now, my eyes just glazed over and skipped to the end. This was nothing interesting about it, and I don’t feel you particularly tried to make it interesting.

    But for the record, seven magus is seven magi. And I think when referring to the crown, Crown is capitalized isn’t it? Or do I recall wrong?



    Bond was beginning to doubt his own sanity as he found he was actually believing the words coming from the other man's mouth.

    I feel that Bond hasn’t been nearly suspicious enough, or at least not acknowledging suspicion. I mean, I get that he’s probably inclined to believe this because M is supporting Martin, but Bond is rolling over to take this way to easily.


    We however, have no such equivalent, we've simply never needed it before,”

    Period after equivalent. Cut simply.


    “And I must stress that everything I have just told is to be kept in the strictest confidence, the Association does not like its secrets getting out and has a bad habit of killing those that discover them.

    Need a pair of quotation marks on the end. Otherwise, this sounds nice and professional, and I wish the rest of the dialogue sounded this good.



    “I believe I understand,” Bond said, leaving out the just about, “However, what makes you believe that I'm suitable for this assignment?”

    Just about what? I don’t get this.


    “I'll answer that,” said M, “Do you remember the physical that I ordered all double 0's to go through two weeks ago?” Bond did remember, it was the longest physical examination he had ever been through and there had been a few test on their that he hadn't remembered ever performing before.

    “Well,” M continued, “Those test were actually to find the best candidate for this assignment.


    Here’s how I’d change it:

    “I'll answer that,” said M, “Do you remember the physical that I ordered all double 0's to go through two weeks ago?”

    Bond did remember. It was the longest physical examination he had ever been through and there had been a few tests on there that he hadn't remembered ever performing before.

    “Those tests were actually to find the best candidate for this assignment.


    Important change: a few test on their that -> a few tests on there that. Also, paragraph break and cutting Well. Well doesn’t sound professional, or like something you’d hear in a mission briefing. It wrecks the serious, formal mood.



    Magic circuits? Bond never got to voice his question as M continued:

    I have to admit, M is slipping by not giving more explanation. I know Bond gets the Beginner’s Guide to Magic at the end, and I get that it’d be given to him after he accepts the assignment, but if it’s a given that he’s going then he should be given the source material sooner. Possibly have the general outline of things explained, hand him a mission briefing and background material on Magic, take a day or a few hours to study the material, and resume the meeting. Unless they expect him to recall everything while he studies on his own time.

    Which, admittedly, they might. They may also be rushing him out the door to catch a plane and have him read about Magic on the flight over. But still. They should be pretty prepared than this. This is complete Fish Out of Water, and I’d hope for more professionalism from MI6.

    I also noticed the touch about Bond’s circuits never being consciously used. And am disappointed that Bond didn’t pick up on the distinction himself. Bond is no fool and should pounce on that, to ask later at very least.


    “Second, your meeting with Emiya means you've had more contact with magus than any other agent and you're already familiar with Japan itself, at least, more so than any other agaent..”

    First, more contact with a magus? Bond didn’t even know Kiritsugu was a magus. That reason is weaker than wet tissue paper and shouldn’t even come up without more justification. Such as using Kiritsugu as a template by which he can judge, compare, or locate other magi. Which is still a weak reason, but it’s something. This is another thing I’d expect 007 to get more intel for.

    Also, agaent is agent, and lose the second period.


    “Finally, you have a record for completing missions that many others would find impossible.” Bond nearly blinked in surprise, that had sounded dangerously close to being a compliment.

    Bond’s reaction gets its own paragraph.

    “Your mission isn't to acquire the grail but to stop anyone who may pose a threat to Britain and her interest from laying a hand on it. Understood?” Bond nodded, of course the easiest way to accomplish that would be to win the thing himself.

    Change to:

    “Your mission is not to acquire the Grail, but to stop anyone who may pose a threat to Britain and her interests from laying a hand on it. Understood?”

    Bond nodded. Of course the easiest way to accomplish that would be to win the thing himself.

    I also object to win the thing. It’s so…slangy and casual. I can kinda see the right Bond saying it, under the right circumstances, but you had Bond sit up straight and start paying serious attention. I expect Bond to talk and act serious in this scene.


    M nodded to Martin who then reached down and lifted the briefcase from beside his chair.


    M nodded to Martin. The priest reached down and lifted the briefcase from beside his chair.



    “Contains several special relics that the Church has collected over the years, they may prove useful to you.”

    If you’re keeping they may…. Then put a period after years and making they may its own sentence.


    Next he reached down and produced the tome, “This book contains a great deal of information on magic and how to perform it. I have bookmark the page with instructions on how to summon a servant.” Lastly he produced the holdall.

    First, period after tome. Second, you used produced twice. I suggest finding a synonym. Third, bookmark is bookmarked. Fourth, servant is Servant. Fifth, I’m pretty sure holdall is hold-all. Mostly on account of having never seen holdall in my life, but I could be wrong.



    “Finally,” he said, “You will need a catalyst with which to summon a servant,” he unzipped the bag to reveal a very old-looking snare drum and Bond lifted an eyebrow.

    servant is Servant.

    Also, this is another annoying part to me. An very old-looking snare drum? No. There are many different appearances a snare drum can have. This is an artifact from centuries ago. You should be describing it. Like…the materials its made out of. Whether the leather or material for the drum is holding together (probably not). Whether it’s in one piece. The beaten skin of the drum. Whatever was used for snares back then (I don’t know myself).

    This is the catalyst by which a Heroic Spirit will be summoned, and presumably well maintained by whoever last owned it. It deserves more than very old-looking.



    “We procured this from Buckland Abbey, it is the drum Sir Francis Drake took with him on every one of his voyages and is said to be able summon him if England is ever in danger.”

    Run-on sentence. Period after Abbey and you should be good. Would prefer more description of what M and Martin are doing throughout this entire scene, but hey, this sufficed. Sorta.



    “When you get to Japan, you are to meet with a Raiga Fujimura, he will give you the lay of the local land, here's his profile, along with further instructions” she handed in a brown envelope,

    Change to:

    “When you get to Japan, you are to meet with a Raiga Fujimura. He will give you the lay of the land. Here's his profile, along with further instructions.” She handed him a brown envelope.

    Yeah, lots of small changes to make there…



    It was dark when Bond's plane touched down in Fuyuki airport, he'd spent most of the flight studying the tome Father Martin had given him, attempting to memorise as much of the summoning ritual as he could.

    Okay, so the reading material was for the flight. Fantastic. I assume memorise is the English way to say memorize. I’d also put a period after airport to prevent a run-on sentence.


    After he had collected his luggage and given it a quick glance over to make sure everything was in order, he had headed outside intending to find the man who was to take him to the address in Fujimura's profile. However once he got outside he found a man in a suit holding a sign that said “Bond” in English. He approached the man who asked:

    I dislike how you used outside twice. Something about these two sentences just feels redundant. Can’t put my finger on exactly how to fix it though.



    “Arigato,” Bond said, as he got in to the car.

    Got in is imprecise. Try to use words like, as he stepped inside the car. Words that display action.


    There was very little traffic at this time of night and the journey the Fujimura estate took a little over ten minutes. The two rode in silence the whole way and Bond spent this time thinking, one of the same thoughts he'd had on the plane. He wasn't sure how he felt about being back in Japan, he had some very good memories here but also some very bad ones..

    First, lose one of the extra periods at the end.



    When they arrived at the estate Raiga Fujimura himself was waiting for them at the entrance, he recognised the man immediately from his picture. He was taller than was average for a Japanese man and was slightly better built than average too; his black hair was shot through with patches of grey.

    Cut the second than average. If you state that Raiga was taller than average for a Japanese man, you don’t need to reiterate that he’s stronger looking than the average Japanese man too. Just say better built too.

    Never heard shot through with patches of gray. Perhaps streaked with gray?


    “Yes, although it has been a while since I have needed to use it,” Bond answered.

    Bond answered seems pointless to me, beyond reiterating Bond speaking.



    “We could talk in English is you like?”

    First, is is if. Also, you’d prefer sounds better than you like, to me. I’d also consider losing the question mark.



    It was quite a surprise to me when he arrived” Bond hesitated slightly, someone else knew about his arrival here?

    Period after arrived and slightly.



    Still, it would he seem he had no choice but to go see who it was, part of him wished he hadn't had to give up his Walther before boarding the plane.

    First, cut the first he. Second, period after who it was. Third, ‘wished he hadn't had to give up his Walther before boarding the plane.’ sounds better. I’d also consider adding a line about Bond feeling vulnerable without his gun, or meeting unexpected people without a firearm. Bond can talk his way out of a lot of things, but firearms are a good back-up.

    Still, it is odd Bond couldn’t smuggle a gun in. I’d make a note of Japan’s stringent laws against firearms, so Bond either had to smuggle one in at the bottom of his bag, it has to be mailed to him somehow, et cetera. I’d like to hear how Bond is planning and putting plans in motion while he works.

    The reminiscing about past job is…okay….but I feel like Bond should be putting a lot of thought in the mission ahead. What he’ll do, when, that sort of stuff. Who he knows, old contacts, contingencies….



    “It has been a while Bond-san,” responded “Tiger” Tanaka, head of the Koan-Chosa-Cho.

    No idea if this is a Bond character I just don’t know.


    “I take it you heard about my assignment?”

    Wow. That is some terrible top-secret security. But as long as everyone and their grandmother doesn’t find out….




    “Do not worry, I am not here to interfere. Officially I am only here to let you know we are aware of your presence in our country. Unofficially, I am to tell you that Japan has a vested interest in the outcome of your mission and I can provide you with aid should you require it later on.”

    Oh thank God, people are finally talking shop. These are among my favorite parts of spy stories.


    “So you two know each other. Good, that saves time,” Fujimura said, “May I offer either of you a drink?”

    “I have had one already,” Tiger replied, “But I believe Bond-san will have a vodka-martini.”

    “If you have it,” Bond said, eyeing the bottles behind the bar.

    Just wanted to point out that this dialogue is pretty smooth. But also, period after Fujimara said, consider period after Tiger replied.

    And no shaken, not stirred line? For shame.


    “Ah, I would also like both of you to be aware that the only members of my organisation that know of the moonlit world are all here in this room, I would particularly like to keep my wife and daughter out of it.”

    God damn it. If Raiga has a headcount of who knows, why didn’t M know? I can fabricate some explanations in my head, but I’m sensing a distressing lack of good intel here. Sure, maybe M doesn’t trust Raiga’s headcount, but there should be more mentions here.


    Also, Taiga is Raiga’s granddaughter isn’t she? And Taiga should be born by now if it’s Fate/Zero or FSN. Mistake?



    Bond nodded in understanding, it was likely the only reason the man was getting involved at all was because the war was taking place in his city.

    Split into two sentences. Also, war is War? Depends on your preference, I guess.



    Fujimura nodded at one of his men, who then departed and reappeared a minute later with the aforementioned luggage.

    Shame on Bond for not keeping it in his sight at all times.



    He had drawn with a bottle of red liquid that had been in the same bag as the drum, an attached not had said it was paint infused with mana.

    Period after drum. Or a semi-colon. An attach not is an attached note.



    In the centre of the marking sat Drake's drum.

    I’d use Sir Francis Drake’s drum, but that’s me.


    She grinned at him roguishly:

    I’d cut the colon.


    “I'm servant Rider and you must be my master.”

    First, master is Master. Personally I’d use:

    “I'm servant Rider. And you must be my Master.”
    Quote Originally Posted by Hymn of Ragnarok
    I refuse to believe that any eroge scene with Taiga would not make allusions to her Christmas Cake status, and this being Nasu, include references to making a cake. Stirring the batter, whisking the eggs, swirl the mixture around....
    Quote Originally Posted by RadiantBeam
    ....

    IS THIS REVENGE, HYMN? REVENGE FOR ALL THE ABUSE I PUT YOU THROUGH?
    That's all, folks!

    Quote Originally Posted by Guy, Vlad_the_II (3 times), Radiantbeam (5 times), YeOfLittleFaith, Ars Poetica, The Curious Fan, Raven2785, zhead
    Damn you Hymn.
    Quote Originally Posted by Spinach, KAIZA (2 times), Old_Iron, YeOfLittleFaith (2 times), Trevelyan, ianmuff, ZidanReign, Sage of Eyes, legoguydude, KooriRenchuu, Break, Keyne
    Bless you Hymn.

  11. #11
    Master of Hermione Alter Kieran's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PhoenixAct View Post
    @Kieran: I thought it was clear...ah well. The CoE is aware of the war but don't have an equivalent of the burial agency to do anything about it and so need to outsource. MI6 are now aware of the HGW and consider the grail a threat to the security of Great Britain. Both are aware that something went wrong at the end of the last war.

    Question, is it wrong that I have a desire to write a scene where Iri gets behind the whell of one of Bond's cars?
    No - but you must include the following scene:

    Q: Will you be needing collision insurance?

    Bond: Certainly.

    Q: Fire?

    Bond: Probably.

    Q: Property damage?

    Bond: Definitely.

    Q: Personal injury?

    Bond *glances at enthusiastically-grinning Iri*: . . . Absolutely.
    “Love will be cruel to who it entices — love will have its sacrifices.”

    — Carmilla Theme




    "Evil isn't the real threat to the world. Stupid is just as destructive as Evil, maybe more so, and it's a hell of a lot more common. What we really need is a crusade against Stupid. That might actually make a difference."

    ―Jim Butcher, Vignette




  12. #12
    Ahahahahahahaha! Hymn of Ragnarok's Avatar
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    Wait, so this....is Fate/Zerp? Because otherwise Iri wouldn't be alive.

    I get that the HGW isn't a big publicized event, and that Her Majesty only heard about it because some chap in the Church stumbled on it, but still. I feel like Bond didn't get nearly enough background information here.
    Quote Originally Posted by Hymn of Ragnarok
    I refuse to believe that any eroge scene with Taiga would not make allusions to her Christmas Cake status, and this being Nasu, include references to making a cake. Stirring the batter, whisking the eggs, swirl the mixture around....
    Quote Originally Posted by RadiantBeam
    ....

    IS THIS REVENGE, HYMN? REVENGE FOR ALL THE ABUSE I PUT YOU THROUGH?
    That's all, folks!

    Quote Originally Posted by Guy, Vlad_the_II (3 times), Radiantbeam (5 times), YeOfLittleFaith, Ars Poetica, The Curious Fan, Raven2785, zhead
    Damn you Hymn.
    Quote Originally Posted by Spinach, KAIZA (2 times), Old_Iron, YeOfLittleFaith (2 times), Trevelyan, ianmuff, ZidanReign, Sage of Eyes, legoguydude, KooriRenchuu, Break, Keyne
    Bless you Hymn.

  13. #13
    後継者 Successor Prince Charon's Avatar
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    Am I missing something, or did you skip Bond getting his circuits opened, something that would need to happen before he could do any magecraft (like, say, the summoning)?


    "Those who say it can not be done should not interrupt those who are doing it."
    -- Chinese Proverb

  14. #14
    Quote Originally Posted by Prince Charon View Post
    Am I missing something, or did you skip Bond getting his circuits opened, something that would need to happen before he could do any magecraft (like, say, the summoning)?
    Although you would think that would be the case, the Grail is one of those screwy, plot-device enabling artifacts out there that bend the rules of the universe (in this case the nasuverse) just enough to let this kind of stuff slip by. If you remember, in Fate/Zero, Uryuu Ryuunosuke accidentally summons Servant Caster when experimenting around with an old book on magecraft that he found. Although he was not a magus (I dont know if it was ever specified if he actually had circuits, inactive though they would be), he proved sufficient enough a master candidate to be selected. If I remember correctly, the Grail reacts as much to the will and intent of candidates as it does their magical ability.

    Another example would, in fact, be Kirei Kotomine. I might be wrong, but I believe it wasn't until he received his Command Spells that he began official training as a 'magus' under Tokiome Tohsaka. From what I understand, his abilities prior to that were derived in some way from the Church, rather than modern magecraft.

    In the case of Bond, I can see him summoning a Servant in his current condition. He is entering the vicinity of the "battlegrounds" with the intent to pursue, or at least regulate, the Grail and is carrying a powerful catalyst with a legend which overlaps with his own goals. The fact that he has the potential to become a magus, even if he is not, can only be a plus.

  15. #15
    Venus Swordman Ergast's Avatar
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    So Bond in the (what seems to be) fifth, huh? This can only end in explosions. I'm following it with the fury of thousand gods, that's for sure!

    @Imaginary Uryuu definitely had his circuits awakened when he summoned Gilles. It's a war between magi, after all. If you get command seals, you have magical potential.

    Spoiler:
    Quote Originally Posted by shiningphoenix View Post
    Rin: "I wanted Saber..."
    Archer: "What? But Archers are all insanely OP, it's like a rule or something, why would you think Sabers were better?"
    Rin: "Sabers are more molestable..."
    Quote Originally Posted by Vigilantia View Post
    AC!Rin. Fixing problems one moan at a time.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sage of Eyes View Post
    Denizens of another dimension, meet Rin Tohsaka, Tsundere of Mass Destruction
    Quote Originally Posted by Christemo View Post
    I dont even know what Lunatique is. I assume it's terrible for the sake of argument.

  16. #16
    Reading the Post Above Laith's Avatar
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    Expected a lot of Zephyr, Vashiron and Leane. Got James Bond. Still deciding if the trade was worth it. I think it would depend on which James Bond.

    Year 1

    Salt Corner

    Quote Originally Posted by hayate View Post
    He's the exception. We see him swimming in with the
    gold
    good
    waifus.

    He got his share of woes as with other players, but it has been overwhelmed by the sheer amount of different SSRs, both as F2P and P2P.

    I don't even wish to stand beside him as I got 2 consecutive IRs at my work the very same month after I got Jeanne.
    Quote Originally Posted by Gabriulio View Post
    Okay:

    First of all, a big FUCK YOU to everyone who got Holmes
    Second of all, a DOUBLE FUCK YOU at Laith because asahkwbebnfj,hhfshfls;
    Third of all, a TRIPLE FUCK YOU to people who quote Laith's gacha posts. THE WHOLE POINT OF HAVING HIM IN MY IGNORE LIST IS TO PREVENT THIS
    Quote Originally Posted by Aozaki-desu View Post
    fuck laith btw

  17. #17
    I love this fic's idea - Bond as a Master in what is apparently the 4th HGW. The only problem I has is how James was thrust into the story - no instruction or preparation. You'd think MI6 would have been preparing him ahead of time instead of throwing him out in the cold. His starting point as a magus is worse than Shirou. Granted, he's probably the most badass secret agent alive, but I'm a little concerned about his ability to adapt to this situation. Even Kiritsugu needed to rely on his magecraft to handle key situations. Well, maybe Q will drop by and explain those magical artifacts/mystic codes he got? I suppose that is very James Bond-like to rely on special items.

    Sir Francis Drake is indeed an insteresting choice, though what's gonna happen to poor Iksander?

  18. #18
    Quote Originally Posted by Ergast View Post
    So Bond in the (what seems to be) fifth, huh? This can only end in explosions. I'm following it with the fury of thousand gods, that's for sure!

    @Imaginary Uryuu definitely had his circuits awakened when he summoned Gilles. It's a war between magi, after all. If you get command seals, you have magical potential.
    And how exactly would some random sociopathic murderer have his circuits awakened and not even have ever realized it, let alone have preformed a piece of magic. True, its a war created by magi and intended for magi, but its the Grail which ultimately decides on who competes. Regular, non-magi humans are fully capable of being masters and we know for a fact that the Grail itself is responsible for the summoning, not the magus. If the War was close enough and there were still slots available, with a potential non-magus master nearby, I would say that the Grail would be very likely to take the initiative if the person constructed a proper summoning circle.

  19. #19
    Venus Swordman Ergast's Avatar
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    Don't ask me, Urobuchi wrote it with Nasu's blessings. But it was clearly written in the novel, when Uryuu summoned Gilles, his dormant circuits were awakened. I don't have the quote right now, but someone posted it a few days ago in Fanfics.

    The only known Master that didn't have circuits (as far as we know) is Kuzuki, and Medea is known to bend (or even broke) the rules of the war with ease, so...

    Spoiler:
    Quote Originally Posted by shiningphoenix View Post
    Rin: "I wanted Saber..."
    Archer: "What? But Archers are all insanely OP, it's like a rule or something, why would you think Sabers were better?"
    Rin: "Sabers are more molestable..."
    Quote Originally Posted by Vigilantia View Post
    AC!Rin. Fixing problems one moan at a time.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sage of Eyes View Post
    Denizens of another dimension, meet Rin Tohsaka, Tsundere of Mass Destruction
    Quote Originally Posted by Christemo View Post
    I dont even know what Lunatique is. I assume it's terrible for the sake of argument.

  20. #20
    I Return PhoenixAct's Avatar
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    First Hymn, thanks for the advice.

    Second to clarify a couple of things, this is the fourth war and Bond has magic circuits but has never used them...conciously. I actually took the idea from Shirou, whose own magic circuits had atrophied because he didn't know about them and kept creating the temporary, "fake" ones.

    Third, Bond's lack of intel comes from a question of time. MI6 have little intelligence, having only just found out about the war but they know there are a limited number of places, essentially they wanted to make sure he got a spot. They may forward him more intel in the future as they gather it.
    If you're going through hell, keep going. - Winston Churchill

    There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so. - William Shakespeare



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