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Thread: The Gates Of War, First Unchained

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    Κυρία Ἐλέησον Seika's Avatar
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    The Gates Of War, First Unchained

    An idea I've had floating around since I first read a certain bit of CM3 (page 13). Been very gradually planning it out since then. Not at all finished with that process, but the recent surge in writing inspired me to get on with it. So I wrote up the prologue as a way to chivvy myself along. First fanfic in a long while, so all concrit is deeply appreciated.



    “A failure. Is this all our efforts come to? A dismal, bloody failure?!” Makiri Zolgen's voice rose to an uncontrolled scream, releasing all his anger at the representatives of Einzbern and Tōsaka. His hands slammed down on the oak table and spittle flew from his mouth. But the two sitting across from him were unmoved, as if his rage was a minor thing, contemptible, beneath their notice.

    “We would remind you that you still live, head of Zolgen. No matter your scars, the houses of Einzbern and Tōsaka have suffered greater blows this past week. Justicia's sacrifice was, I think, more than you would have dared. And...” Here her breath hitched once. But only once. “And my father lost his life because of your own failure. Your bindings were useless, Zolgen; that very thing for which you were brought into the matter, you failed at! We could easily lay the blame at your door for the chaos here.” So spoke Tetsuko Tōsaka, her voice under as tight a control as she could manage, and her blue eyes icy.

    Makiri's voice grew softer, but the anger did not leave it. Instead, it became bitter and turned inward. “You're right, Tōsaka, and I admit my fault. My attention was on giving Justicia some hope of retaining her body, some hope that she might live to see our dreams made reality. And my spells of restraint suffered for that. It was a stupid mistake, one suited to a much younger man. But you are exaggerating when you say that it could be all my fault; every one of us miscalculated.”

    Now he stared around with his remaining eye, the one his son's Servant hadn't been able to slash out. The luxurious furnishings of the Tōsaka house – the polished woods, expensive drapes from over the seas – seemed badly fitted to the cold atmosphere of the three magi and their discussion of slaughter. Tōsaka's daughter – the Tōsaka now, he reminded himself – met his eyes with a glare. Another way in which her pretence of composure betrayed itself. The Einzbern head, on the other hand, seemed truly unmoved by their conflict, seemingly frozen like the winter dear to the hearts of that family. Still, Makiri continued.

    “As skillful as our craft was, we had far too little power even when the Servants could be finally dissolved into the Grail – and they could be defeated is evidence of our failure too. Our Ghost Liners, destroyed by magi of this very era! Not without cost, I know, and I honour the sacrifice of your father, of the dozen Einzbern fighters, and of my own heir. But they fell to us nevertheless, and that is a sad commentary on how pathetic the heroes whom we summoned were.”

    Tetsuko sighed. “Your words are not without truth, Zolgen. And, in retrospect, I think that there is more to it than you have even mentioned. We waited too short a time for the leyline to draw in mana for the Grail. My family's supposed ancestor seemingly cannot be relied upon to do anything more than complement some neat work, laugh at our intentions and leave, damn him. I,” and now she paused, as if unsure how her words would be received, “I think that we three families would not be able to fill the Grail, even if we could, by some chance, summon the three greatest heroes ever to have lived. No matter how weighty the souls, I do not think our construct could be satisfied with three.”

    The Einzbern head, silent until now, seemed shocked into life, into true emotion. “Unacceptable! The Einzbern took hundreds of years of deliberation even to consider letting two such august families into our secret! We cannot have more interference. I, Jubstacheit, eighth head of the Einzbern, will forbid it!”

    Makiri tried to roll his eyes at that, before a sharp shock of pain reminded him of the one he had lost. “The Einzbern have compromised once, they can do it again. Besides, if we're to have to remedy all the problems that our colleague has brought up, there'll be plenty of time to search for candidates: perhaps even to manipulate their growth as it suits you. Tōsaka, this is your land – how long would you say we should wait to gather prana?”

    After a short moment of consideration, Tetsuko replied, “Twenty years would be sufficient to match all the power we expended in this ritual, but the Grail could gather a far greater amount -”

    “-then double it. Or, actually, triple it. We want to leave absolutely nothing to chance, wring every last drop of magic we can out of all the ritual's aspects,” Makiri said.

    The two moved on, burying themselves in theories of new classes, of the modifications necessary for an extended ritual, of rules that should deceive the outside magi. Jubstacheit soon saw that they would not be moved from their course, even if his family tried to withdraw their support entirely. The obsession of researchers had come over them and, deeper still, the obsession of magi close to the Root of all. Then the Einzbern certainly could not abandon this project and have the fools make use of it, maybe even succeed. Let these inferiors gain from what the Einzbern had proposed, had put so much effort into, had sacrificed their greatest Lady for five centuries to? For his family, that would be heresy of the highest sort. Even so, Tōsaka and Zolgen must be reminded of their place as the lesser partners in this project. And he had just the means to do so.

    “You still fail to address one matter - you have given no thought to a solution for our pathetic Servants. No matter how many you might involve, you still leave their power to chance. The Einzbern gathered a great many relics, both in our time as holders of the Third and even more after, as we sought to recover it. We will supply one of our greatest to all the Masters if you will reduce their number. As catalysts for the ritual, they would direct the Grail and allow the summoning of truly powerful Servants. No need then for these hordes of lesser mages.”

    “And this relic would be … ?” asked Makiri sceptically.

    “Splinters of the gates of Troy. We would all summon the greatest heroes from the most famed war in the Age of the Gods. That will be our second ritual. That will be the Second Holy Grail War.”
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  2. #2
    ジュカイン Lycodrake's Avatar
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    Hm, looks interesting, and I know with the Servants being from that era/war that it'll be good, if not extremely interesting. Props, Seika. ^^
    Quote Originally Posted by Seika View Post
    Yes, excellent. Go, Lyco, my proxy.
    F/GO SUPPORT

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    Worried Soul That Watches Larekko12's Avatar
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    *To the tone of the Mighty ducks.*

    "Here comes the The Great Hect Striding on the floor. Come stride on the Mighty Hector! Lancer's on the floor. Hector Rocks!"
    Then let it break, if it shatters to pieces then forge an even better blade to take in hand. Should that blade crack then forge once again, untill the battlefield is a graveyard of blades that have fallen and but a single sword claims the field that embodies the world. Let that sword bear the world untill its time comes and time blows its dust to the winds. Then forge again.---Eric Dagger



  4. #4
    JESUS WANTS A HUG! The Sylentnight's Avatar
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    ...Wow. I am really interested in seeing what is going to happen now.
    Quote Originally Posted by Riven View Post
    You can't see the future. You can just pray that the decisions you make are the right ones. That's what it means to be a commander.

    Quote Originally Posted by Rodyle
    It's natural for Rin to surround herself with beautiful women, and natural for Shirou to be everyone's bitch.
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    God, why is it so hard to be a smart ass these days?

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    Κυρία Ἐλέησον Seika's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lycodrake View Post
    Hm, looks interesting, and I know with the Servants being from that era/war that it'll be good, if not extremely interesting. Props, Seika. ^^
    Read it quickly, didn't you? I'm impressed. I'll do my best to give you good Servants (and Masters). One of the big themes for the 'fic is power - and you've seen some of the reasons for it here. Whilst Acht is talking from a very Western-centric viewpoint, the Trojan War must be one of the most famous conflicts of heroes in the world, and they're all proper Age of the Gods material. And I'd like everyone to note that the Second War is circa 1860. The cut-off point for Heroic Spirits is only ~1900. So don't expect the Masters to be pushovers either.


    Quote Originally Posted by Larekko12 View Post
    *To the tone of the Mighty ducks.*

    "Here comes the The Great Hect Striding on the floor. Come stride on the Mighty Hector! Lancer's on the floor. Hector Rocks!"
    Hektor's influence will certainly be felt. That's all I will say.


    Quote Originally Posted by The Sylentnight View Post
    ...Wow. I am really interested in seeing what is going to happen now.
    I'm glad of that. I managed to do something right.

    I'm not exactly expecting a big readership for this, for much the same reasons as MPII: it's not actually dealing with a lot of the cast that we all know and (sometimes) love - bar Zōken, who isn't really loved by anyone anyway.
    (Although the latest character poll perhaps argues differently ...)

    I will say, however, that there will be lots of points drawn from F/SN, F/HA and F/Z, and a few from Melty Blood. Even if I'm using the freedom of the Second War (i.e. something we know bugger all about), I don't see that as a reason to discard the rest of the universe. Hopefully I'll get some interlude pieces up (and maybe the first chapter) over the next week or so, which will explain more of that. Relies on my hand healing up a bit in order to do heavy typing, though!

    Tomorrow I'll put up a little commentary which might add a little to your enjoyment of this prologue.
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    アルテミット・ソット Ultimate Thot Five_X's Avatar
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    That was good, Seika! Zolgen seemed a bit too British in the beginning - he's Russian, as it should be recalled - but overall it was rather interesting.

    Suffers a bit from "talking heads" syndrome, though: you ought to describe the environment as you go along, perhaps working it into the dialogue, and add perhaps a few actions into the mix so that it doesn't really feel like they're standing quite too still and yelling at each other.
    <NEW FIC!> Revolution #9: Somewhere out there, there's a universe in which your mistakes and failures never happened, and all you wished for is true. How hard would you fight to make that real?

    [11:20:46 AM] GlowStiks: lucina is supes attractive
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    Assets transcending Virtual and Reality themasterwarlord's Avatar
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    I had never been interested with previous wars fics before. In fact, if I realized what this is before reading, I probably wouldn't read it in the first place. But after reading, I can say that I am intrigued. We'll see if I like this enough to follow this until the end.

    ~I hate writing English paragraphs longer that one line. Or any language, really.~

    In the middle of re-re-redoubling the effort of erasing the habit of lurking for the 9001st time

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    The Raging Fantastic Magnum Fancy Face the First's Avatar
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    I will follow this eagerly.
    Quote Originally Posted by food View Post
    Karna would totally sympathize with Shinji.

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  9. #9
    Time to burn some dread Daneel Rush's Avatar
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    I want to see more of this. Definitely. And I'm almost afraid to know what Servants will show up.

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    Κυρία Ἐλέησον Seika's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Five_X View Post
    That was good, Seika! Zolgen seemed a bit too British in the beginning - he's Russian, as it should be recalled - but overall it was rather interesting.
    He seems British? Really? Huh ... oh well, it's all being 'translated' for the readers' benefit anyway. As befits two 18th/19th Century Europeans and a secret Catholic, they're actually using Latin as a medium.

    I get that being too British would affect SOD, and, to that extent, I'll moderate myself. However, I don't think anyone will take offense if I note here that I'm not going to be making particular efforts to drop every British-sounding word. Firstly because it seems natural to me, and secondly because I'd probably bugger up any efforts to use terminology from over the pond anyway.


    Suffers a bit from "talking heads" syndrome, though: you ought to describe the environment as you go along, perhaps working it into the dialogue, and add perhaps a few actions into the mix so that it doesn't really feel like they're standing quite too still and yelling at each other.
    I had tried to avoid that: I certainly hope you didn't feel that was a problem in every part of this. But I'll try to be more consistent about it, yeah.


    Quote Originally Posted by themasterwarlord View Post
    I had never been interested with previous wars fics before. In fact, if I realized what this is before reading, I probably wouldn't read it in the first place. But after reading, I can say that I am intrigued. We'll see if I like this enough to follow this until the end.
    Fair enough, I know there are certain premises which wouldn't normally interest me either. Still, I suppose I ought to warn you that maybe you shouldn't get your hopes up too high. This is my first real effort at a decent length fanfic, so I can't vouch for on-going quality or update speed. Particularly once I get past the introductory portions. We'll see though, hm?


    Quote Originally Posted by Fancy Face the First View Post
    I will follow this eagerly.
    Thank you kindly.


    Quote Originally Posted by Daneel Rush View Post
    I want to see more of this. Definitely. And I'm almost afraid to know what Servants will show up.
    Glad to have interested you! As for the Servants ... they're all big names in the Trojan War, but not every big name will be a Servant, if only for reasons of space. On the other hand, even those that aren't being summoned ought to appear in some of the Master-Servant dreams I have planned. I hope to really show what a war could be like in Nasu's Age of the Gods.
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  11. #11
    闇色の六王権 The Dark Six SpoonyViking's Avatar
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    I knew from how old the thread was that this was a dead fic, but were there no continuing chapters at all? Shame.
    Last edited by SpoonyViking; June 22nd, 2017 at 11:13 AM.

  12. #12
    アルテミット・ソット Ultimate Thot Five_X's Avatar
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    You knew that and you still posted in the thread instead of... sending a message to the author?
    <NEW FIC!> Revolution #9: Somewhere out there, there's a universe in which your mistakes and failures never happened, and all you wished for is true. How hard would you fight to make that real?

    [11:20:46 AM] GlowStiks: lucina is supes attractive
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  13. #13
    闇色の六王権 The Dark Six SpoonyViking's Avatar
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    Well, I was actually hoping that I was wrong and that there had been more, maybe posted somewhere else or something.

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