Wishing Machine

[RoydGolden]

Granted, you are now Subaru from Re:Zero.

So I'd die horribly a zillion times, but at least I'd have Emilia. Worth it!

I wish to be unable to fail anything I try to do.

Granted, but you become completely bored from the lack of any true challenge. Eventually the tedium grows so maddening that you resort to trying to bring about the apocalypse in the hope of finding something strong enough to challenge you. So, basically you become Reinhard from Dies Irae. Have fun commanding your legions of zombie Nazis, I guess!

I wish that I'd never have writer's block.

[Walnut Sparks]

You got it, but all the works you spend every waking moment composing from now on will be regarded as too sucky for any outlet other than obscure vanity presses, and nobody will buy or read them.

I wish for a lasting piece of the action in the Middle East.

[RoydGolden]

I wish for a lasting piece of the action in the Middle East.

Granted. You become an immortal soldier fighting in the Middle East for the rest of eternity, never knowing rest or satisfaction. Not sure if that was a typo or a deliberate pun, so sorry if that's not what you meant.

I wish that I had Issei's Dress Break power from Highschool DxD.

[Reynel]

Granted, it only works on fat people.

I wish my actions didn't have negative consequences, by having people think that my actions are normal as long as I am the one doing them.

[Draconic]

Granted, but whenever you do something genuinely normal, you will be gawked at and mobbed by detractors.

I wish that one of my fanfics was in the fanfic recommendations thread.

[Reynel]

Granted, but whenever you do something genuinely normal, you will be gawked at and mobbed by detractors.

I was afraid of killing the thread, unexpected response haha

I wish that one of my fanfics was in the fanfic recommendations thread.

Granted, you succumb into plagiarism and is only unnoticed by the one who recommends it, but noticed by everyone else, resulting in you being banned.

I wish for every highway to be in perfect conditions.
plagiarism

[Draconic]

Okay, first of all, that is legitimately terrifying, and second, holy crap, you're freaking good at this!
Granted, but the moment you get to an on-ramp, you will immediately forget where you were going until you get off.

[SleepMode]

No wish to grant, guess I'll make one instead.

I wish for the ability to take the most optimal decision in every situation.

[Criarino]

Granted. You always take the optimal decision, but your objective is to fuck yourself. So, every decision is optimal to fucking yourself
I wish Tesla's dreams to become true before 2020

[Reynel]

Okay, first of all, that is legitimately terrifying, and second, holy crap, you're freaking good at this!

Thanks!

I wish Tesla's dreams to become true before 2020

Granted, and it lasts 4 months exactly as he envisioned it, until the electromagnetic waves in every part of the world give cancer (or equivalent) to all living things.

I wish for any girl I want to fall in love with me when I say 'Hey Love'.

[Walnut Sparks]

Congratulations, you've got all the loves you could ever desire.

Unfortunately this newfound power goes to your head almost immediately, crippling your judgement.


I wish for Black Keys.

[Criarino]

Granted, now your rolls in Fate/GO will always came only black keys
I wish Tesla had all the acknowledgement he deserves

[Draconic]

Granted. For real. I read a book involving him, though mostly just his philosopher predecessors in the romantic era.

I wish for a piano.

[the god of world-0]

granted, you are killed by a piano falling on you.
i wish for the ability to lick my elbow

[SleepMode]

Granted, now your tongue is long enough to reach your elbows, but you can't retract it like a frog's.

I wish for more time.

[the god of world-0]

granted, now each second is like an hour to you, permanently, forever
i wish for the the rest of the frog powers

[Walnut Sparks]

You do realize you are now literally a frog, don't you?

Well, I suppose there's no point in typing that, because frogs can't read or use computers. Um, have a nice time eating bugs I guess...

I wish to crush my enemies, see them driven before me and hear the lamentation of their women.

[Reynel]

I wish to crush my enemies, see them driven before me and hear the lamentation of their women.

Granted, you are now a literal Boulder with eyes and ears, with the only power of transporting yourself on top of your enemies when they are in front of their wives.

I wish to be able to grant these wishes and be paid in a convenient way for it.

[SleepMode]

Granted, but you'll be paid in Rial.

I wish for Self-Realization.

[the god of world-0]

granted, you realize the uninportantace of your brief human life and comited suicide.
i wish i had a better physical form