Alright. There was some talk a day or two ago of a Fem!JesusxShirou in the Crack Pairings thread.
This spawned a lengthy discussion, which in turn spawned the idea for this oneshot.
If any of you would like to see the blasphemous yet heartrendingly awesome snippet by Theo which began this blasphemous escapade you need only go here.
You'll likely find the post that proposed this idea further on.
Further more, I would like to thank the Beam most Radiant for doing me the favor of Beta reading this, and fixing my terrible grammar (^w^)
With that said
On With The Show!
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Kotomine Kirei was born that day.
To say that he was reborn, would be a most grievous mistake. For to be reborn, one must first have lived. Kotomine Kirei was not a man who claimed to have known life.
The boy had been brought in by his protégé. As soon as he learned the boy’s name, his blackened heart skipped a beat. A broken and discarded hope had kindled itself once more inside of him.
When he learned that the boy aspired to the same thing as his father, Kotomine Kirei knew joy as he had not known it in his entire existence. Perhaps, now, ten years after the fact, he would have his rematch against Emiya, and they would see which of the two was truly the greater.
However, what surprised him the most was the boy’s Servant. She was a small woman, nothing of her appearance truly stood out. If he were forced to find a word that would describe her, he would need to have settled for ‘anonymous’. She was neither tall nor short, her skin neither dark nor fair, her hair color was an unimpressive shade of brown, her nose neither hooked nor beaked. If pressed, he would have a hard time describing her in detail, for truly, she was a woman not unlike any other.
However, she carried herself very uniquely. A surety of purpose radiated out of her every pore. It was as if she knew her duty, accepted her lot in life. And rejoiced in it, for there was nothing more she could ever want, but to fulfill her purpose. She was not charismatic per-se, but one was naturally inclined to listen to her soft-spoken words. For her soft soprano carried in it wisdom much beyond the seasons her body had traversed.
Kotomine Kirei looked into her eyes. And saw in them something he had failed to ever see since the day he was born.
Understanding.
She knew. She took but one glance at him and knew. She understood that he was fundamentally broken. She knew that he had been born twisted. She understood the depths of the abomination he was. And she pitied him for it.
Taking care to suppress the smile formed from the pain in her eyes, he turned away from his disciple and the fuming young Master, and keeping his voice carefully neutral he ventured to ask a question he knew would not be answered.
“I ask of you, young Servant. What is your name?”
The two teenagers stopped and looked at him sharply, if for different reasons. One was coping with his hostile feelings; it was as if something in him rebelled against the very presence of the priest before him, the compulsion to strike at the older man overwhelmingly strong. The girl looked at him in annoyance, why ask a question that he knew would not be answered?
The young Servant took a moment to gather herself, the emotions in her eyes shifting from surprise, to puzzlement, and lastly, into determination, but never once were pain and pity lifted from her auburn orbs.
The Servant gave a slight bow before answering in her soft soprano, “I am Servant Saver of the fifth Holy Grail War. My name, is Yeshuah of Nazareth.”
Kotomine Kirei, survivor of the Fourth War, Master of Gilgamesh, torturer and Oath Betrayer, sank to his knees, and prayed.
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Kotomine Kirei sat in the confession booth.
“Bless me Mother, for I have sinned. I am a man of the Lord, and it has been ten years, eight months, three weeks, and four days since my last confession.”
And so Kirei spoke for what could have been hours, or mere moments. He told her all of it, of his history, his empty achievements and unrewarding honors.
How he could take no joy from any of The Father’s creations, yet only felt truly alive when he basked in the agony of others.
Of the moment he felt no sorrow for the woman he loved, save that he could not be the one to kill her.
How he could feel no grief for his father’s passing, except that he was not the one to wield the knife that took his life.
He told her how he took advantage of the trust of his mentor, in order to be able to stab him in the heart, with the very gift that cemented their bond.
He told her of his battle against Emiya Kiritsugu, of their shared vision of what a wish upon the Grail would bring about. He spoke of his most ardent desire for it to be used, for his own chance to have a wish granted, knowing that it would bring naught but pain and destruction to all.
He told her of the many times he took advantage of his Guardianship of his mentor’s daughter. How he would delight in giving her incorrect instruction only to see her fail. Of the many times he manipulated her feelings, only so he could see her lose control and shed tears.
He confessed to what he did to the hopeless orphans of the aftermath of the Fourth, how he lacked the magical strength to satiate the need of the King of Heroes. And so he made them wretches that would never be allowed to truly die.
He told her of his most recent betrayal. How he had once more taken advantage of the trust of others, in order to secure a playing piece to be discarded in the current War.
He told her of his most reverent wish, to release the curse inside of the Grail, in order to bask in the glorious agony that was sure to come after.
Once he was finally done, Kirei was not able to tell how much time had passed. It could have been a moment, or an eternity. It felt as if time itself had paused while he poured his soul out to the Servant on the other side of the screen.
She remained quiet. If protocol were to be followed, this would be the part where she would tell him of the weight of his sins, and the penance to absolve them. Her silence was truly the only proof he needed to know that there had been no hope from the start.
He stood and was about to leave the confession booth, before a very soft sound caused him to freeze in his tracks.
It was a sob. It had been quiet; the one who emitted it had done their absolute best to strangle it in their throat. But the grief they felt had been too much, and so it had escaped its confines to let the world know of their sorrow.
He should know. He had made many a man and woman cry after all.
He exited the confession booth and opened the door to the place he usually claimed as his own. The sight that greeted him caused his heart to jump in joy.
“Why do you cry, Mother? It should have been obvious from the beginning that there was no hope for an abomination such as I.” His words were spoken with conviction as ancient as iron. A simple statement of fact, as truthful and obvious as saying that water was wet.
When next the Servant spoke, her words were choked; she was barely able to push them through her grief. “My child…could you find it in you to forgive me?”
Eleven simple words that left the self-proclaimed abomination in a state that none had ever managed before.
Kotomine Kirei was speechless.
The Servant stepped out of the booth, took his head in her arms, and with surprising strength for a woman of her unimpressive stature, brought his head to her bosom.
“I…am so very…very sorry. Please…is there any way…that you could forgive me?”
Kirei attempted to gather his scattered wits. Were he in control of himself, he would be able to turn this situation around, he would use the perfect half-truths to make her misunderstand, set her up for greater heartbreak; all he needed, was the ability to recover, a Herculean task he proceeded to fail at.
“Why would the Lord Savior herself feel the need to apologize to a monster such as I?”
She rocked him back and forth, not unlike a Mother attempting to soothe her infant into sleep. “Because…my most troubled child…I have failed you. I was supposed to take your hardships from you…I was supposed to shoulder your suffering…so that you could be free of that burden…I have wronged you most grievously. Could you please forgive me?”
The third repetition of her plea…for lack of a better word, broke something in him.
“But Sacred Mother, there is nothing to forgive. For this burden is mine alone to carry.”
Yeshuah of Nazareth hugged him tighter to her breast, and cried. She cried, for although tears were hardly up to the task, there was no other way she could show her grief.
At that moment a beam of light most radiant shined on the two. Its glow was severe, but warm and comforting. It lasted but a single moment before snuffing itself out. Yet even that single moment had been enough.
Kotomine Kirei put his arms around the small woman who held him. And wept.
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Tohsaka Rin was not a happy person.
She was convinced that something as simple as failing to remember to reset her clock had caused her to fail in her attempts at obtaining the Saber card that she had hoped to draw (somewhere in the multiverse, an old vampire that loved to play pranks, inexplicably, started to laugh). Her own Servant was almost killed before the War properly began.
Her own foolish desires caused her to lose her trump card for the War.
And now the fake priest had called her, telling her that there was something of extreme importance he needed to speak with her about, yet he refused to talk of it over the phone.
She barged her way into the creepy church of the fake priest, taking a moment to notice that the normally oppressive atmosphere of the building was no more. Deciding that her mind was playing tricks on her, she resumed her way towards the priest’s quarters.
“Hey Kirei, I’m here you fake priest, what was so goddamned important that you ha-”
The sight before her left her (and an invisible entity standing beside her) speechless.
In front of her stood Kotomine Kirei, his face solemn and his step light. This much, she had expected. However the…aura…around him had changed.
He was normally a man hard to approach, yet the look on his face spoke of a previously unseen openness.
Any of these would have been enough to cause pause in any that were acquainted with the man. Yet both Master and Servant were strangely in synch in what had rendered them speechless.
The mullet…it’s gone.
Kotomine Kirei had gotten a haircut. The new militaristic short cut made him look, dare she say it, reliable.
“Ah Rin, so good of you to join me.”
Rin did not waste a moment in gathering her scattered wits, and responded in her usual perky tone. “Hmm! What do you want, you fake priest? What could possibly be important enough to make me waste my time with a trip here?”
Kirei’s face remained stoic; he slowly began to walk to a medium sized chest resting in one of the chairs.
“As you recall, I was given the position of your guardian when your father passed away-”
“A thing I have regretted my entire life.”
“And as such, the duty falls to me to return something to you that I have been safeguarding until I believed you responsible enough to take possession of it.”
Kirei opened the chest with no grandiose posing or show. Inside it were a significant amount of precious jewels. Jewels that, her experienced eye told her, would be perfect for her thaumaturgy.
“What,” was her eloquent response.
“Your father was worried that you would waste this wealth, before you learned the true value of these gems. Also, in this paper you will find some more information as to the Tohsaka assets that you are able to call upon. Worry not, all the annoying paperwork has been taken care of. As soon as you take this paper, it will all be officially yours.”
“…What.”
“I attempted to tell you this the night that you were to summon your Servant, but I am afraid you cut the line before I was able to communicate these facts to you.”
“…WHAT!”
“And now to the second order of business I called you here for. In order to celebrate this most auspicious event, I have taken the liberty of cooking a most fitting lunch. Would you care to join me?” asked Kirei in the most amicable voice imaginable.
Had Rin not been thunderstruck by a series of completely unforeseen events, she might have realized her folly. Had her mind not been busy coping with the sudden change in her financial standing, she might have scented the trap that she was walking into.
“Uhhmm…sure.” Alas, ‘twas not to be.
Only until she took the first bite of the food Kotomine Kirei had so painstakingly cooked for the celebration did she realize her mistake.
As her mouth burned from the heavy spices that were put into the food. She saw that Kirei, for the first time since she had arrived, was wearing a small satisfied smile.
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To call what they’d had a battle would have been a severe overstatement.
Kotomine Kirei lay on the ground, broken and bleeding beneath the ruby gaze of a golden clad man.
“Kotomine Kirei, I must admit to curiosity as to why you thought you could match the King of Heroes himself. I will grant you the honor of answering my query before your end. Be grateful, you treacherous Mongrel.”
Kirei had one day destroyed the operation that gave meaning to those useless things. What greater honor could there be than providing the Original Majesty with the energy he needed? Kotomine Kirei’s betrayal had been entirely unforeseen. After ten years of devoted service, to so suddenly turn and bite the hand of his Master, what could have prompted such a change? He was the King of Uruk, his query would not go unanswered.
Kotomine’s only response was to smile and chuckle darkly.
“Hooo? Do tell mongrel, what causes your mirth. It better be entertaining, or I shall take what little life you have left.”
Kirei took a moment to compose himself as much as was possible under the circumstances. And then spoke.
“King of Heroes. The reason for my mirth is that I just saw through the greatest joke that has ever been played on anyone. No prank that I myself could have tried would ever surpass the one that has been played on me. I recognized this, and laughed, for I saw the hilarity in it.”
“Hooo? I must admit at being curious. Care to share the joke, mongrel?”
“Most certainly. Never before in my life could I find happiness as a normal man. This you know, it was thanks to you that I found joy ten years ago.”
“Yes, a most entertaining mongrel you proved to be. However, I fail to find the mirth in such a story.”
“But of course, for I am not yet finished, please give me a moment.” Kirei began to cough, blood seeping from his mouth. It was truly a proof of his strength of will that a punctured lung failed to affect the tenor of his speech.
“Thirteen days ago, I found joy in the normal things. I smiled because others smiled, I felt joy when they felt joy. And when I did something good, for the sake of goodness, I felt fulfillment. The true hilarity comes from the fact that I have only just found these joys, and now I will die, before I have a chance to truly experience them.”
The King of Heroes took a moment to stare at the worthless mongrel, before he began to laugh. He was soon joined by Kotomine, and the two of them shared a laugh most hearty. Soon enough, they calmed.
“Hooo? But come, the reason for your smile is something else is it not? That is not the smile of a man bitter at the world.”
“How very perceptive of you…you are correct King of Heroes, the smile on my face is one brought by the knowledge of a job well done.”
The King of Heroes laughed; he could not help it. He broke down into hysterical laughter at the ludicrous proclamation of the man in front of him.
“What!? The smile of a job well done? Can you not see what happened here, Kirei? You attacked me, and I put you down like the rabid mongrel you are! You failed! How could you be content when you failed the task some lesser creature gave you!?”
“Aahh…you misunderstand King of Heroes, my task is not the one you believe it to be.”
The smile on the face of the Original King…impossible as it should be, widened “Hooo? Then do tell, what was your job?”
“Very well… I was not the one sent to defeat you…I was just the decoy."
At that very moment a bolt of lightning split the clear skies in twain, vaporizing the strongest Heroic Spirit and the absolved priest.
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Originally Posted by Seika
