Fate/Phantasm - Fate x Touhou [FF]

[YeOfLittleFaith]

Well, this plot is progressing at an interesting pace and the narration continues to be quite good!

[Yakumo-san]

My my. Couple things though is that you seem to switch tense in a few spots and some of your descriptions are overly wordy. The thing is that with your description it seems to go back and forth. Also noticed a word misspelled here and there. And I think that intial prologue you had with Ran, Yukari, and Zelretch should be kept in addition to the new one.

nitewind, I might as well run you as the spellchecker/final beta, if you don't mind.

The Ran, Yukari and Zelretch thing has been postponed for later - the problem is that, since you all have already read it, you're aware that such an awesome sauce is to happen...

But I'll just pretend that you all don't know that this thing ever existed.

At any rate, is this an improvement, or did I rather take a step forward, and another one back?

Well, this plot is progressing at an interesting pace and the narration continues to be quite good!

Why, thank you, glad that you like it.

[nitewind]

Definetly better. One interesting thing to me is Reimu's narration, it seems a bit OOC at the start (after she's met Saber) until you think about what she's just gone through but gets better over time as things are happening.