Fated Unicorn (F/sNXGundam Unicorn)

[shikyo21]

I have a few ideas myself though it's been a while since i updated the thread (sorry Xamusel),

[Xamusel]

...Okay, could you please refrain from spamming the thread with other ideas, shikyo?

[alfheimwanderer]

There isn't really much I can say. The dialogue could be smoother - and why was Shirou called Shirou again, if he never had the chance to develop into himself anyway?

[Xamusel]

*facepalm*

...I gotta stop facepalming.

*ahem* Anyway, that was a name that he was given from when he moved to Fuyuki, maybe I should explain it in-story?

[Mike1984]

Hmm, interesting story.

I like what you've done with Zouken, although the people coming to arrest him did seem rather arbitrary (which suggests that they either know more than is obvious from the story, or else that they're just dicks who happened to pick a victim who actually deserves it for once), and I'm not entirely sure what they intend to do with Sakura once they've got rid of Zouken (also, Sakura is almost certainly legally adopted, so it's not like Zouken has done anything wrong in that respect, even if he's quite clearly guilty of horrific child abuse). I do wonder where this is going to go from here....

[Xamusel]

About the arrest, Mike, the government has high belief in this group of people called Newtypes, and if someone can feel such a horrid abuse going on through such a connection, the government has every right to demand answers, especially from Zouken in this case.

Also, I was intending to have Cardeas adopt Sakura as a little sister for Banagher (aka Shirou, but he never got that persona to stick with him).

[Mike1984]

About the arrest, Mike, the government has high belief in this group of people called Newtypes, and if someone can feel such a horrid abuse going on through such a connection, the government has every right to demand answers, especially from Zouken in this case.

Yeah, I guess that makes sense. If they have good reason to trust the Newtypes, then it makes sense for them to distrust Zouken....

Also, I was intending to have Cardeas adopt Sakura as a little sister for Banagher (aka Shirou, but he never got that persona to stick with him).

Ah, OK.

That works pretty well, I think. What sort of role would she have from there on?

[Xamusel]

Well, she'd be real clingy to her "onii-chan", and want to do things he's doing (like pilot a Mobile Suit or even go to the same school).

Oh, on a point I was going to mention, magi are definitely behind on the times, so while Sakura may have been adopted, it sure wasn't legal by that point in time (adoptions require a lot of things, including bio-metrics scans, among other things that require technology by that point in time).

[Mike1984]

Well, she'd be real clingy to her "onii-chan", and want to do things he's doing (like pilot a Mobile Suit or even go to the same school).

Well, OK, that makes sense. Does she get a chance to actually do these things...?

Oh, on a point I was going to mention, magi are definitely behind on the times, so while Sakura may have been adopted, it sure wasn't legal by that point in time (adoptions require a lot of things, including bio-metrics scans, among other things that require technology by that point in time).

Ah, I see....

Although, honestly, I'm pretty sure Tokiomi and Zouken could make it "legal", by using hypnosis.

[Xamusel]

Yes, actually, on the first point.

About the hypnosis, they'd have to do so many things just to even get the hypnosis to work, like alter security feeds and so on and so forth (which I'm positive neither have the skill for in any time period). Given that, do you think they'd make a hassle of trying to "legally" transfer a child from one family to another, Mike?

[Mike1984]

Yes, actually, on the first point.

Ah, OK, good.

About the hypnosis, they'd have to do so many things just to even get the hypnosis to work, like alter security feeds and so on and so forth (which I'm positive neither have the skill for in any time period). Given that, do you think they'd make a hassle of trying to "legally" transfer a child from one family to another, Mike?

The problem is that, if they don't legally transfer her, then she is still Tohsaka Sakura, and not Matou Sakura. When they register her with a school, that is the name they would have to use, and people would question why she was not with her real family.

[Xamusel]

Honestly, I doubt Zouken would've allowed her to leave the house during the time between the transfer and when Banagher (which is the name I'll use for this version of Shirou) feels Sakura's pain, if that would even work at the time. Besides that, I had thought out a scene where Cardeas goes to adopt her, and finds out about her real name before needing an adoption legally done.

That's what I had in mind, anyway, don't know if it'll hold water.

[Mike1984]

Well, yeah, it's quite possible that she didn't leave the house in the first year she spent there, but she definitely did leave at some point, because she's going to school in FSN. I guess it's possible that he could have not have it done legally yet, but he'd need it eventually, or else he'd need to keep her totally confined (and Tokiomi would have needed to agree to that, since he would know it would be necessary, which seems unlikely to me).

[Xamusel]

Yeah, I was going off the assumption that she didn't leave the house in the first year, and definitely not while the Grail War was going on.

Yeah, Zouken would need it eventually, but he never got the chance quite yet to have it work in his favor in time.

[Mike1984]

Yeah, I guess that makes sense....

[Xamusel]

Glad that it does.

I'm definitely in need of rewriting the prologue, at least, so that I can get better quality for it. I'll edit the prologue when I get enough for the post. Hope that it would be a better reading experience for you guys at least.