Someone who seeks guidance...

[marcus_v3]

Good day sirs. I've been lurking this place for quite a few months now since I find this place to be a good resource of excellent fanfiction.

Anyway, as the title of the thread suggest, I wish to ask for some advice regarding a fanfiction that I'm currently in the process of writing. As a fanfic writer, I'm probably average at best so hopefully you don't expect too much


http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8028316/...ince_of_Swords

Yeah. i know it has more holes than GoB has NP's but I really do want to try and get this fic to at least somewhat comply with nasuverse rules. Since its just the first chapter, that should still be possible.

I was thinking that Kiritsugu (not the most imaginative name, I know) would have UBW serving as something like Avalon which would change his Origin to sword, he will have access to the weapons stored by Shirou kind of like a gate of babylon with him using the UBW aria in third person since his basically kind of borrowing UBW and it doesn't really belong to him. It will also serve as a Pseudo magic crest which should explain his ability to use tracing.

Limitations of his ability would be:
(1) the inability to trace newer weapons to add to the Rm so he can only use weapons already existing in UBW.
(2) He will not be able to deploy UBW onto the real world.

I humbly ask for any suggestions, comments, criticisms would be ok as long as they can maybe give out some viable alternatives.

Thanks in advance.

[whosaidthat]

The only way I can see someone else having shirou RM is if he marries and implant his circuits on somebody else like a family crest, and that person gains a new affinity "Sword" as a result just like Sakura gained Water after 'training' the Matou magecraft.

After that his heirs can use tracing and even store new swords on UBW, but the rate at which they could do so would be almost glacial compared to Shirou.

[I3uster]

I am sure that it can't be passed on since it's tied to his origin. When stuff like this normally happens the MA tries to seal the person so that they don't die a useless death and the knowledge is lost forever.

[marcus_v3]

I am sure that it can't be passed on since it's tied to his origin. When stuff like this normally happens the MA tries to seal the person so that they don't die a useless death and the knowledge is lost forever.

I see where you're coming from. I was actually searching the net if there was anyway for magics like RM to be duplicated. Came up empty though. Anyway, there's no org that resembles the MA in the ZnT world so kiritsugu won't have to worry

[fraggle]

I quickly skimmed over your fic to see what it looked like,

As everone else already said it is impossible for any aspect of a reality marble to be passed on onto the next generation in the case of Emiya Shirou., mostly because his ability is the result of the artificial change of both his origin and element due to a very unique process. Shirou's own self was completely destroyed before Avalon started to affect his body on the day of his 'birth' and this is simply a process that cannot be replicated.


Instread of makinga Shirou mark II you should take some time to flesh out an somewhat more original character. Even without his fathers abilities he is still a descendant of the royal family of Tristain, and he will have enough inherited power form his mother side to base a character upon.

Any Child of Shirou also has the blessings of the water spirit, which you can use to slighty augment him with a gift( like walking on water as saber can) of as a plot device. However, the name of your MC is something you should really chance. Kirtsugu is not a name that any child in Halkegina would have. To be honest that fact alone made me close the tab of your fic the moment I laid eyes on it. Shirou is dead before he is even born so Expect his to act like a tristian, so no taste for ricewine too.


The fact that you made him the crownprince is also somewhat jarring. One might say that any Child between Henrietta and Shirou is a child born out of wedlock and so his existence might be somewhat problematic for the royal court, especially if Henrietta has other members of the family who are more then willing to usurp the trone if the queen dies without an unofficial heir, or other nobles who are trying to force Henrietta into a political marriage to produce an heir so they can control the throne.


ill stop ranting for now, because this is giving me plotbunnies.

[marcus_v3]

I quickly skimmed over your fic to see what it looked like,

As everone else already said it is impossible for any aspect of a reality marble to be passed on onto the next generation in the case of Emiya Shirou., mostly because his ability is the result of the artificial change of both his origin and element due to a very unique process. Shirou's own self was completely destroyed before Avalon started to affect his body on the day of his 'birth' and this is simply a process that cannot be replicated.


Instread of makinga Shirou mark II you should take some time to flesh out an somewhat more original character. Even without his fathers abilities he is still a descendant of the royal family of Tristain, and he will have enough inherited power form his mother side to base a character upon.

Any Child of Shirou also has the blessings of the water spirit, which you can use to slighty augment him with a gift( like walking on water as saber can) of as a plot device. However, the name of your MC is something you should really chance. Kirtsugu is not a name that any child in Halkegina would have. To be honest that fact alone made me close the tab of your fic the moment I laid eyes on it. Shirou is dead before he is even born so Expect his to act like a tristian, so no taste for ricewine too.

Yeah, I got a lot of replies about that (especially about the name). Although since I started the fic already I don't know if a name-change would be alright since (for me, at least) I'd feel really weird everytime I try to change an event that's already written in a fanfic that I've written but I do see your point. As for his son, being Shirou Mk. II. Plotwise, I was actually aiming for that feel for him, not because I wanted that to be a strength of the OC but because I wanted it to be his main flaw. It's hard for me to explain but if I were to compare it to something than it would be like the situation between a Kobe and a Jordan with Jordan being Kobe's dad. hence why I stated how his son simply borrows the swords in UBW and why he can't add anything to it.

As for the blessing of the water spirit... actually that's something that I may add in future chapters so i thank you kind sir for that suggestion.

The fact that you made him the crownprince is also somewhat jarring. One might say that any Child between Henrietta and Shirou is a child born out of wedlock and so his existence might be somewhat problematic for the royal court, especially if Henrietta has other members of the family who are more then willing to usurp the trone if the queen dies without an unofficial heir, or other nobles who are trying to force Henrietta into a political marriage to produce an heir so they can control the throne


ill stop ranting for now, because this is giving me plotbunnies.

Well, I did give out clues about the fact that him being the true heir to the throne was something that only a select few actually knows about. I probably should've stated that when I said a select few then i meant really really few. That's also another reason why I thought the name would get a slight pass since having emiya as his surname and not de Tristain would further hide his identity as heir to throne.

[lethum]

For Shirou to have access to UBW, he needs access to Shirou's Soul. He doesn't have it.

Instead of giving Shirou a son who's only talent is identical to his father, you should try doing something more creative that allows the kid to mimic his father while working differently.

For example:

Before he leaves, Shirou forges a "Sword Element" Sword with the help of his Halkeginian mages friends, half elven friends and void magi friends (infused with the element "Sword") and upon his death, those friends leave it to his kid. Maybe this sword can "remember" and "store" the powers of armaments it comes in contact with, like UBW auto-stores powers, or like the Sword of Gryffindor works in Harry Potter, by virtue of being a magical sword and incarnating the Sword element.

And the kid, being Water Nation Tristania's Royalty, blessed by the Water Spirit of Rangdorian lake and the child of someone with magic circuits, can use an special method of Alteration enhanced by the Water Element in order to make the Sword flow into other shapes and powers for however long he is feeding magical energy to the spell.

So in conclusion you have a kid that can desperately chase after his deceased, yet legendary father, by copying his powerset with the tools he has available to himself. And then you can take your story wherever you first planned to take it to.