Actually, I had thought that Kiritsugu would be the replacement, though I'll see how to get Kuzuki in this.
Actually, I had thought that Kiritsugu would be the replacement, though I'll see how to get Kuzuki in this.
Xamusel's Fanfiction Profile
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Hmm... this is a bit of a surprise these days.
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Hmm, whilst I like the way he protected Sakura, isn't killing a bunch of kids for bullying taking it a little too far? Or am I missing something here...?
YES, YUS! The update is GLORIOUS.
Mike, the fact of the matter is that Naruto himself is also considered a no-name orphan, and they were insinuating that Naruto was born from the womb of a prostitute... among other things that caused Naruto to snap at their treatment of Sakura.Originally Posted by Mike1984
The fact that he ignored who his mother was is proof that he cared not for details on who his parents really were, but for the fact that Sakura actually had parents that cared for her, while he had none as far as he could care to know at that age.
@YeOfLittleFaith: Glad you enjoy it.
Xamusel's Fanfiction Profile
For those that don't necessarily care if my fics aren't all Type-Moon related.
Hmm... this is a bit of a surprise these days.
An archive of my works on the forum that's pretty accurate.
Note that I don't wish to be seen as an idiot any longer. I can't always promise better works than before, but I can sure as hell try, alright?
I did, with extreme gusto. At first I thought Kiritsugu jumped a little too much by putting a bullet through Mizuki's head right away but well, he knew the latter was a criminal, so it's kay. :P
Good point.
Well, onto working on the next update, people.
Xamusel's Fanfiction Profile
For those that don't necessarily care if my fics aren't all Type-Moon related.
Hmm... this is a bit of a surprise these days.
An archive of my works on the forum that's pretty accurate.
Note that I don't wish to be seen as an idiot any longer. I can't always promise better works than before, but I can sure as hell try, alright?
Okay, here's the update, people. Hope you guys like it at all.
By the way, I'll have the poll run for three days (give or take), starting as soon as this gets posted and ending the midnight following Sunday 20th PST:
You are now an eight-year old Academy Student, ready to do what you can to get out of school any time soon, and the time of year couldn’t be any cruddier than it already is. In short, you hate your birthday with a passion almost as big as the Hokage Monument, and nothing would let you change your mind about the birthday situation ever… unless it was a birthday party that was long overdue.
Speaking of situations people hate, you couldn’t help but notice that the top of the class, Uchiha Sasuke, was beaten by another for the position of “Rookie of the Year”, something that he felt would end his entire world if he didn’t get his way again. Perhaps a massacre would occur and he’d be the only survivor….
Tch, right, like that’d happen.
Almost as soon as you think those words, you wish you hadn’t, as a blockade appears in your path that would take you next to the Uchiha clan Compound. When you see who’s in charge of the blockade, you note that it’s one of the ANBU under Sandaime-jiji, Ryu if you recall correctly on that one.
Deciding to figure out if it is the same Ryu you know, you ask the ANBU, “Hey, are you Ryu-dono?”
“Yes, Naruto, I am,” Ryu looked at you and replied in a feminine voice that was befit of nobility, or even royalty if one took it that far. “What brings you this direction, anyway?”
“I was heading home,” you tell her with all honesty. Looking around the blockade, you ask, “What happened here to cause this?”
“The Uchiha were killed earlier today, and I was ordered to prevent anyone from entering this particular pathway until the bodies were cleared up and the culprit found,” Ryu replied with an annoyed tone in her voice. It was common knowledge that the Uchiha were technique thieves because of their eyes, but for someone to kill the whole clan out of revenge was impossible, due to the fact that the Uchiha were generally tougher to beat than an Inuzuka, which was saying something important.
Still, it was ridiculous that you weren’t able to get home fast, so you ask Ryu, “Do you mind if I go on by so that I can get home? I need to get home for the day from learning.”
Ryu pondered this, and for a minute you thought that she wouldn’t let you go through. However, Ryu decided to be generous, and said, “Sure, just don’t go into the Uchiha compound, it’ll be tough for you to explain why you were in here without proof that you have permission to be in here.”
“Thank you, Ryu-dono,” you say in a gracious manner before she moved the blockade aside to let you through, which allowed you to move on through.
After a couple minutes of running, you find yourself next to the entrance of the Uchiha clan compound, when you suddenly feel something strange in the air around you. You look behind you, in front of you, to your left and right, and even above you. It was when you looked in the direction of the clan compound itself that you realized what’s wrong.
An ANBU with a blank mask was collecting the eyes of grown Uchiha, dead grown Uchiha, and putting them in a sack that had more eyes in them than you’d even guess. You knew of what the ANBU were supposed to represent, but one with a blank mask… it seemed Root ANBU was still in service, even though they were supposed to be disbanded.
You know that you shouldn’t be able to handle any of the ANBU, but this count as one of those times of extreme emergency, if you even cared about the Uchiha eyes. Then again, your classmate would be really upset to know that his clan’s eyes were desecrated, which you don’t want to have happen here.
You made up your mind. You:
[ ] Ignore the Root ANBU and pretend you saw nothing
[ ] Get the Root ANBU caught in the act and brought to the Hokage
By the way, one of the choices above is a bad end, so if you guys give a majority vote of the bad end first, I'll give both choices, to prevent you guys from not reading the story.
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[X] Get the Root ANBU caught in the act and brought to the Hokage
Make sure the interruption is as loud and obnoxious as possible.
[X] Get the Root ANBU caught in the act and brought to the Hokage
Always go for the dangerous option!
[X] Get the Root ANBU caught in the act and brought to the Hokage
Go loud, loud and LOOOUDDD!!!
92 minuti di applausi!!!
Perchè immaginiamo?, ci chiedono.
E perchè no?, è la risposta più adatta.
Almeno, questo è ciò che credo io.
Spoiler:
Why would Naruto know about Ne? Is it common knowledge? This Naruto doesn't have the [Intelligent] trait so it's kinda weird for him to know.
Also, when is Kiritsugu getting executed? Or at least get sent to Ibiki? While Mizuki did imply it, Kiritsugu outright stated it. Plus he just killed a comrade for no apparent reason. 'He was about to reveal it' doesn't exactly hold water.
Also, in light of Naruto's and Kiritsugu's disproportionate retribution, I have to ask: just how fucked up is this AU?
Last edited by nununu; May 17th, 2012 at 05:27 PM.
Well, fair enough, but killing them is still taking it a little far....
Yeah, I guess that makes sense. Although, I don't get how Sakura ended up being "adopted", and who she was adopted by (as well as who her birth parents are). It sounds like she is Aoi's biological daughter, but I don't get who the father is....The fact that he ignored who his mother was is proof that he cared not for details on who his parents really were, but for the fact that Sakura actually had parents that cared for her, while he had none as far as he could care to know at that age.
Okay, let me try this again, at least in regards to Root ANBU. It's common knowledge that they "wore" blank masks when on duty, and that they had been off duty by decree of the Yondaime, but because of Naruto being guarded by normal ANBU from the shadows, he knows that they shouldn't be in service, especially doing things that involve desecrating a clan that got massacred just a short time prior.
As far as Kiritsugu, he didn't break the law, which was said that nobody could say that Naruto held the Kyuubi no Youko. All he mentioned was that Mizuki didn't know what a Jinchuuriki was. Plus, when it was made clear that Mizuki was killed, he did go to Ibiki because he was in the room at the time. Iruka wasn't exempt, but before he could go through the torture, they led him back home with Kiritsugu acquitted for killing someone that was autopsied to be in league with Orochimaru.
@Mike: Yeah, I agree that it's taking it a little far, but he was downright pissed that they'd do something like that. Rationality went out the window for that one.
As far as birth circumstances, she was born out of wedlock between Aoi and Kariya, and Tokiomi wanted to do something to get that out of the way (I had to change my mind about some things, including where Tokiomi is in this picture, as you might guess now). Normally, this would involve Sakura dying, but, with timely intervention by the Hokage, that didn't happen and a divorce was settled. Tokiomi lost custody of the kids, but Aoi had to move out, as per the agreement.
Last edited by Xamusel; May 17th, 2012 at 05:35 PM.
Xamusel's Fanfiction Profile
For those that don't necessarily care if my fics aren't all Type-Moon related.
Hmm... this is a bit of a surprise these days.
An archive of my works on the forum that's pretty accurate.
Note that I don't wish to be seen as an idiot any longer. I can't always promise better works than before, but I can sure as hell try, alright?
Yes, along with any trace of innocence and connection to the original Naruto this total stranger had.
Naruto as a child just killed several children for simple bullying.
You've effectively turned him into the child murdering monster he spent the entire canon series proving he wasn't.
Congratulations.
Also, I really hope you don't think he'd simply be allowed to get away with murder like that, because if he wasn't punished for murder then there is seriously something wrong with the Konoha you're writing.
Seconded. Hard.
Also:
[X] Ignore the Root ANBU and pretend you saw nothing
It's obvious they're Konoha ninja. Child Naruto should not have the necessary smarts and brain power to figure out that those ninja haven't just been sent by the Hokage to do some necessary business. Thus, there's no reason for Naruto to want to report the Root ANBU.
EDIT: ^ Also, that's ridiculous. We've already explained that the 'Sakura' you claim was born between Kariya and Aoi cannot possibly be the same Sakura we know and love (despite Mike's belief that we hate her). Thus, you got it wrong. Again.
Last edited by Bloble; May 17th, 2012 at 05:54 PM.
Ugh... something tells me I should at least rewrite the scene involving the bullies, otherwise I'll not get any rest for this, right?
Okay, scratch that, I'll rewrite the whole thing if you guys actually find it that repulsive. If you guys want me to beat them to within an inch of their lives, I'll do that, just... tell me what is more appropriate to fix this mess!
Xamusel's Fanfiction Profile
For those that don't necessarily care if my fics aren't all Type-Moon related.
Hmm... this is a bit of a surprise these days.
An archive of my works on the forum that's pretty accurate.
Note that I don't wish to be seen as an idiot any longer. I can't always promise better works than before, but I can sure as hell try, alright?
Well, maybe Naruto could just scare them off? I know his anger kind of gets the better of him, but really, he isn't the kind of person to kill other like that so... in such a way.
...Good point, YeOfLittleFaith.
Allow me to rewrite the whole thing, then. I mean, I don't want this to be as screwed up as it is, but if I want to fix it, I'll have to start from scratch, apparently.
Xamusel's Fanfiction Profile
For those that don't necessarily care if my fics aren't all Type-Moon related.
Hmm... this is a bit of a surprise these days.
An archive of my works on the forum that's pretty accurate.
Note that I don't wish to be seen as an idiot any longer. I can't always promise better works than before, but I can sure as hell try, alright?
This.
On the Kiritsugu thing: you haven't addressed the fact that Kiritsugu shot a comrade dead for no solid reason. Not exactly something one, Konoha-nin especially, should get-away without penalty. He just got lucky that said comrade turned out to be a turncoat.
As for Ne being common knowledge, enough for a cadet to know, what part of 'secret(er) branch of ANBU' did you not understand?
And, if the last snippet is any indication, I would advise that you give choices that reflect the traits that 'Naruto' currently has.
Maybe not even that far. Him barely holding them off, or at least seemingly so, until the situation gets diffused would have a greater impact on Sakura than an outright curbstomp, I think.
Last edited by nununu; May 17th, 2012 at 06:15 PM.
...Okay, let me say that this will undergo a more thorough rewrite, with all voting put off for until this gets properly fixed up. If anything, I'd prefer it if someone would ensure that it doesn't go as bad as it has now, so... yeah.
Who wants to beta for me to ensure that I don't get this going off the deep end?
Xamusel's Fanfiction Profile
For those that don't necessarily care if my fics aren't all Type-Moon related.
Hmm... this is a bit of a surprise these days.
An archive of my works on the forum that's pretty accurate.
Note that I don't wish to be seen as an idiot any longer. I can't always promise better works than before, but I can sure as hell try, alright?
Thread locked at request of author.
