It was good, Moczo! I'll admit, when I clicked on it I wasn't really sure if it would be serious or not, and I was very pleasantly surprised.
But! And this is a very big, round but! My eyes were twitching from their sockets when I read the Elizabethan English. I mean, it's fun and it adds comedy, but it's really,
really glaring when it's most definitely
off. That's especially helped by the beginning, that doesn't immediately show that the work's a comedy, not quite.
"My friends and allies, again on the field of battle hast thou distinguished thyselves!"
This is the first and primary offender! As an example, "hast" should be "hath;" "hast" corresponds to "has" and "hath" corresponds to "have." Elizabethan language has at least some consistencies.
I recommend reading through this:
http://helenas.org/docs/Elizabethan_language.pdf
It's an absolutely fantastic guide to Elizabethan English, and really, a study of the linguistic styles will definitely give you an appreciation for the relative structure of Modern English. Understanding it can make you write in more fanciful and formal manners, and also in ways that are... not so grammatical. Enjoy!