Zombie Quest!(Featuring Miami!)

[hero]

Roll(1d20)+0:
18,+0
Total:18

Use bite.

[Larekko12]

One zombie berserkers do not react to crotch shots.

Two Biting a zombie is ineffcitve damage unless you have a mega jaw. It also might set off our instincts.

[Fingolfin]

Oh, I like this.

He decides to screw all the rules and tears one of his own arms off. He then proceeds to use said amputated arm to beat the zombies into an early--er, post mortem grave.

EDIT: I got 18, for the 1d20

I'm not sure if that's good or bad. I never played D&D.

[Larekko12]

Oh, I like this.

He decides to screw all the rules and tears one of his own arms off. He then proceeds to use said amputated arm to beat the zombies into an early--er, post mortem grave.

EDIT: I got 18, for the 1d20

I'm not sure if that's good or bad. I never played D&D.

D-d-did you just vote to fucking cripple yourself to take out a fucking mook?!!?!!?!?!!?!?!?

[Fingolfin]

D-d-did you just vote to fucking cripple yourself to take out a fucking mook?!!?!!?!?!!?!?!?

Yes. I have another arm anyway. It's not like I need two arms.

Besides, I can just tape it back on later if I need it. Otherwise, it would make for a fine club.

[Airen]

>Rolled an eleven

Take the mirror off the wall, and beat the mooks with it.

Nothing can possibly go wrong with this plan.

[Mormarth]

Fall into the first then prepare to reverse roundhouse kick it's head off with Taekwondo skills or leg sweep it as it charges so you can mount grab its head then apply 100 pounds or torge to break it's neck and rip off the head. I got a 19! WOOOOT!

You attempted to beat the living (unlivng?) fuck out of the zombies with your L33T H4X50R SKILLZ. but unfortunately, you are still suffering from rigor mortis, and simply jerk your leg upwards into its crotch.

The Zombie, lacking pain receptors, is unperturbed by your groin attack, and continues forward towards your ally, who is taking a stupid amount of time to find her gun.

Panicking, you decide to do something rash, and grasp your right arm mightily by the shoulder and tear at it with all of your strength!

..Unfortunately, while your opponent is free of pain, you, on the other hand, while possessing cognitive ability, also feel pain.

And there is quite a large amount of it indeed.

PAINPAINPAINPAINPAINPAINITHURTS

You should feel fortunate the pain is moderately deadened. But, with a satisfactory pop your arm is removed from your shoulder, and you now have a bludgeon!

--------------------
NEW WEAPON!

ARM OF DEATH

Description: IT'S YOUR FUCKING ARM! YOU RETARD!
---------------------

Still, you hold your stiff limb mightily, and proceed to swing it viciously at the skull of your foe!Fine, I shall assist you here, fool.
And with a sudden, crack, your opponent's skull is smashed in!

AN: wait what

how the fuck did you do that

are you a wizard

i swear this is the dumbest shit i've ever seen

/AN

Well, whatever, I suppose that you've got a pretty good weapon on you now, Tex.

Now, your ally has, at last, recovered her weapon, and is striding towards you confidently.

"Well, fine, I guess you need a guide, and I need a meat shield, so I suppose we have an agreement."

You nod, slightly irked at being assigned to being a glorified shield, but she speaks up once more.

"By the way, my name's Claire. What's your's? If you've got one, anyway.."

CLAIRE JOINED THE PARTY

CLASS: SNARKY SHOOTER, ALSO GUIDE.
-----------------------------------------
So, I ask of you, DO WE, IN FACT, HAVE A NAME/ALIAS/THING WE WISH TO BE KNOWN BY

[hero]

... The pacifier

Zorg.

[Suncofold]

Paco.

[Bloble]

*face slowly morphs into an empty stare. answer arrives with monotone voice*

...Guts.

[RacingeR]

Pepe.

[hero]

*face slowly morphs into an empty stare. answer arrives with monotone voice*

...Guts.

+999999999999999

[Fingolfin]

Charlie Fitzgerald Molinhymer the 3rd. We also go by the name...

Barón Von Schwanzding

[Spinach]

+999999999999999

+1

[Fingolfin]

*face slowly morphs into an empty stare. answer arrives with monotone voice*

...Guts.

Yeah, Guts works fine too.

I still like Barón Von Schwanzding though.

[mangafreak7793]

Life.

[Tobias]

Lord annihilator the de-virginizer mark 4.

[HitokiriNanaya]

Zoidberg!

[Larekko12]

Marcus.


Try to reattach Arm. Damn it we couldn't even Kick?

[Mormarth]

You blink at Claire, and with a sweep of your severed arm that would have looked much more dashing had you been wearing more than what looks suspiciously like a loincloth, you intone:

"I AM THE GREAT AND MAGNIFICENT BARON VON SCHWANZDING, BUT YOU MAY KNOW ME SIMPLY AS... GUTS."

She turns to you, having finished recovering the supplies she sought, "Gatts?"

"NO, GUTS."

"Whatever, Gatts, let's get going."

You morosely follow your new companion, theatrical introduction ruined.

-------

You and Claire move stealthily through the abandoned hospital, towards the stairs, and then, hopefully, the exit.

You encounter a lone zombie, but it pays little attention to your lone approach, and you bash its head in with your severed limb.

Finally, you arrive at the stairs, but as you creep down the steps, a roar echos from down below.

Claire swallows, nervous, and gestures for you to begin your duties as Meat Shield.

There are suspiciously few zombies blocking your way, and the stairwell is quiet, too quiet, some might say.

You speak this thought aloud, and Claire reaches up and bonks you on the head, evidently not appreciating your color commentary.

At last, you reach the bottom floor, and unfortunately, this stairwell is a fire escape, and in order to exit quietly, you must proceed through the lobby..

The roar echos once more, coming from the lobby.

You move forwards, towards the door to the lobby, and you shove open the door violently, ready to meet your new foe.
----------------------------------
INTERMISSION!