Original line is:Originally Posted by Crown
Pain in the ass works for 目障り.目障りだったとお母さんに告白された。
Enhance be clear for launch yo. ( ・_・)b
Original line is:
Pain in the ass works for 目障り.目障りだったとお母さんに告白された。
Enhance be clear for launch yo. ( ・_・)b
oh updates are always good. xD thanks alot. so is this almost the end of volume 1?
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heheh you two posted at the same time. guess kotonoha was a bit earlier tho. i have no idea bout the moon runes tho lmao.
Great, learned something new.
I translated it from "A sore(dust) in the eye", (which basically means a bother), so I kinda enhanced™ it to "pain in the ass" (which basically means a bother). Guess both work for "mezawari" (which basically means a bother).
P.S. I could be more precise in translation if I had textual (not the scanned images) representation of Japanese original, but I guess it doesn't exist.
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Nope, there's quite a bit of Hand(L) left, and then there's formalhaut. (that marks end of volume 1). I'd say it's roughly getting close to half, if you count in Arai's J the E.
Last edited by Enhance; August 31st, 2012 at 05:11 PM.
Update! Yay!
Umm...Is it okay to ask for explanation?
In the last part, did the doctor means that it's actually Hisaori Makina all the way, pretending/transforming to be Hisaori Shinya?
Yep, he was talking about Makina all that time.
Spoiler:
Last edited by Crown; August 31st, 2012 at 08:51 PM.
so, Arika was talking to Makina since the very beginning? And the later killed Shinya actually never met Arika, but was killed by Makina who transformed as Arika?
Spoiler:
MIND BLOWN
as expected from nasu
HandS\
*
Beginning of 2004.
Three years after being forced into a psychiatric hospital, cured with a 2.5 year long psychiatric course, Hisaori Shinya, in the age of 19, was put into accounting of defense forces, but recognized as socially rehabilitated.
Relatives agreed to accept Hisaori Shinya. Note - coincidentally, his older sister, Hisaori Makina, was discharged from Origa clinic around the same time. No relatives agreed to shelter her, so she made home at municipal welfare organization of Shikura town.
Hisaori Shinya was officially recognized as role model patient both by doctor in charge and by inspectors in charge, his mental and physical condition as best, and the doctor that knew of his condition at the time events took place was applauding to the three year effort of the hospital.
Nevertheless, even the cured Hisaori Shinya's statements about the case remain vague. At that time, his position was that Hisaori Makina was the criminal, and he was the victim, but after a couple of days, after Hisaori Makina was found an A-syndrome carrier, he recognized his mistake, and here's the current version.
He didn't talk about his sister, Hisaori Makina, after that, but two year long court examination announced the Hisaori family case an accident.
Half a year after discharge from health center, Hisaori Shinya was found dead in a room in Nozu industrial area.
Cause of death - blood loss from a lacerated neck wound.
Three years passed from the time he lost parents and pushed his sister from the third floor's balcony. What he was thinking and what he was fearing, no one can know anymore.
Except...
Except the one, whom he half a day earlier, in an underground room, told his story.
***
"I'll tell you about my sister, will you listen?
Not even once I thought of my sister as of a human. Now I have a reason, but while I was a child it was strange, confusing. Even though my sister was so perfect, so ideal, why was she so disgusting to me?.."
Saying that question, with a peaceful look he started his story.
1
My sister wraps, and I pull out.
These are in kanji of our names, and my mother was saying that my name - Shinya - was born from my sister.
Makina and Shinya. My parents wished we'd become a harmonic brother and sister. I wished so too, but my sister wasn't the type who could understand that human feeling.
A seed of talent ripens only if environment grows it properly. If you give modern weapons to barbarians, things will only get worse, just as our peaceful family didn't need a god. Hisaori Makina was a heavenly punishment for our house.
"Hey, Shinya, your sister wants to be alone sometimes, right? Tell about that to mom and dad. While it's still possible to fix anything..."
Every time we went to play outside, my mother secretly whispered that to my ear. Maybe because she was reminding me of that so much, I have that in my primary memory now. Since I only just entered conscious age, I always just tilted my head and didn't understand what she meant at all. And at the same time I loved my sister, and I was envious that everyone was so nice to her everywhere.
I remember my frustration at mother. My sister was so loved, everyone in the area was greeting her. Why does she look at my sister with that alienated look?
"... Yeah. Shinya-kun, you're Makina-chan's brother..."
Situation started to change when I started going to school.
I was in the second grade, and my homeroom teacher picked me out only because I was Makina's brother. He was her homeroom teacher last year. Makina wasn't a very diligent student year ago, and didn't have much interest in study.
"Well, you just have to memorize that. Just a game, why would I be stubborn."
Makina didn't have anything of a kid, and a teacher didn't have anything of an adult. She thought of games and studies as of something silly, so teacher answered - memorize it all, or I won't let you in class. Next couple days Makina didn't leave her room. We lived in a same room with sister before middle school, so I knew what was happening. Day and night she was on the two-story bed, "memorizing", just like teacher said.
After some three days Makina came back to class, after memorizing by heart every second year textbook. But that wasn't the end of it - she externally passed to next grade, raining information about authority and homeroom teacher's common sense, and finally stopped at sixth year subjects. Why? Because junior student couldn't get further graded textbooks.
Teacher made two mistakes. He gave Makina a goal; he told her that studying is memorizing. It was probably fortunate that around her were second graders - they didn't understand what mad mess was Makina making. A girl that can study everything in one day - that's it. Really fortunate. A year later, she would be compared to me.
For a year, the teacher was doing his best trying to make Makina a student. After some time, he could not bear it any longer, and was forced to come to us.
"Your daughter is an incredibly talented student. Our school is not a place for her. I would recommend her to a more advanced facility", and so on. If we transfer her, he'll write a recommendation, but the school wouldn't bother looking for the 'more advanced facility'... And it became clear that at school everyone also understood how strange Makina is. It would be fine with a simply "talented" student, but transferring someone lacking in the sense of humanity itself would make it their responsibility. The transfer has to be done by Hisaori family's will alone. But dad was always responding with this line:
-- Different school means constant trips somewhere far, we don't have money for that. Our Makina is fine where she is now.
And so the lion Makina kept visiting the little kitten society.
Yes... Surely after that experience with my sister, of course he picked me out. By the way, after that teacher heard a rumor about me getting alienated from my class, he left school right away. He was a good guy, was coming to work on a cool car. By the end he was riding some miserable junk, students were laughing at him, and he shut himself in his own world. After that, I remember, my dad saw a newspaper, made an awkward face and mumbled something about suicide and rope. Upperclassmen were saying as a matter of course: "Because Makina took a dislike to him".
... Even though I don't want to think about it... someone of Makina's henchmen irresponsibly threw in something like, you have to get rid of your enemies.
Only after that case I understood why was my mother saying what she was saying back then. Human without some base knowledge of some area wouldn't know what's happening in it. A great innovative engine wouldn't impress ones that see cars simply as movement devices. To understand Makina's actions, you would need at least a tiny bit of her intelligence.
You can laugh at my bragging now, but I got to be the best in my class now too, and I understood that I'm above average level. Yeah, I had best grades until the first year of high school, I was quite talented. But I didn't have the time to feel my superiority. Fortunate or unfortunate, I didn't get to.
So to say, I felt like an imp living next to Satan.
If I'm not careful, my self-confidence and everything else along will be crushed. That's all from my younger years, and that's how Hisaori Makina was.
Makina was amazing adults, whatever she was said to do. God's child, genius, there was no one in Nozu that didn't know her. But if you look closer - she's doing everything without putting any effort, but still she comes far further than anyone, so normal people decide to ignore it. You mustn't look at the sun directly.
-- Sis, you're not seriously trying hard, right?
-- Nope. Or else I'll become completely alone.
One day before vacation, I sent a question to the direction of second story of the bed, and got my answer. Weird answer. Makina doesn't understand herself, what's that "I'll become completely alone"? She's been completely alone for a while now, she just didn't notice it.
*
With every passing Makina's school year, parents were harder and harder too look at. Even I understood that. They're praising her in words, but their faces say "we don't need you, you're just a bother". That isn't strange. Makina succeeds in one thing, but makes others lose many other things. Money, for example. Makina gets highest grades in Shikura, but she consumed whole family budget. If she starts learning, she requires endless amount of material. She's buying books here and there, memorizes them, and burns the ones she read for some reason. Budget is literally vaporizing because of her. Like a poor man riding limousine. She was both parents' pride and cause of the beggarly life with no money. But at the same time Makina was an unrivaled role model student, so parents couldn't scold her. While treating her like a painful corn, they desperately played love with the daughter. How heinous. Both parents, humiliating themselves before a fifth grader, and the sister, who believed their tormented smiles. She really doesn't understand anything concerning herself.
There was nothing she couldn't do, neither at home nor at school.
If you say school's role is to teach how to teach oneself, mother's role is to do housework, and father's role is to get money - she didn't need any of them anymore.
I think she did everything herself. It was different when she was a child. Any talented child is still bound by conventions of society. We were calming ourselves down, saying to ourselves that she's a child, but still we were afraid of the fact that she's less and less of a child every year. She was unrivaled, but she didn't have any allies.
And still, Makina was a great older sister. No matter how much I tried, I couldn't catch up with her; no matter how hard I studied, my good grades faded in comparison; it was an amazing barrier. Like a complex cancer case, always reigning my mind.
Not even once I thought of my sister as of a human. She's like a god. She's inspiring amazement with her perfection and thrill with her power. Gods are something like this, right?
But one summer, when Makina was in fifth grade... My goddess suddenly went crazy.
"Dad, look, a ghost!.."
In the white of day, Makina calls dad. Tired dad doesn't react to her call, me and mother don't hurry to her side either.
Because the whole family is tired of Makina by now.
"Burning, burning! Black, like ash, black, like ash..."
Makina's interested voice at the balcony is calm. Maybe she's just joking, maybe it's just her imagination. Her tone of voice tells that it's not necessary to run to her side, a girlish, cute voice.
Oh, and by the way... Makina only talked in this voice at that one time.
Sometimes I get tormented by a thought - what if that was a desperate scream, the first time Makina ever asked her family for help? Because if dad pulled her back from balcony then, saved her... Sister always went the wrong path, but never did misstep, and here...
Makina was on the balcony until sunset, and then mother took her back to her room. The next day, during breakfast, Makina, as usual, smiled to mom and dad, saw the awkward fake smiles in return and yelped a little.
-- He-e...
Unwillingly, I smiled too. Funny. She can do anything, but she only just noticed that.
And so Makina became a comedy hero.
Realizing everyone's hate to her, she started trying so hard, like it was a matter of life and death. She tried to return to the former world, world she saw before. Doing everything in her usual way, showing off her genius, she was throwing herself on everyone - come on, be friends with me! It was already getting extreme and becoming a tragedy. She comes in to play with you when you're alone, with no previous arrangements, gives you what she likes herself, forcefully finds and solves your problems. She'll also tell you about your faults and characteristics, all in details. Her acquaintances were more and more afraid of her, but Makina didn't mind that and kept on dashing at a breakneck pace.
She wanted to show herself a nice girl before neighbors. She was sucking up not just to her fellows, but to their parents as well. Makina kept on doing that in the scale of whole school, whole street blocks. Once decided, she didn't know any other ways... And she was getting the opposite result. Like a dancing doll with head on fire. If you wanted to make friends, you shouldn't have been so forceful.
We were accepting complaints at a regular basis, like eating rice or drinking tea. Do something with your girl, please. She's weird. Every time Makina heard those complaints through her mother, she became more and more desperate. As usual, she brought her method to a dead point.
-- I've had enough!.. Are you loony?! Stop fooling in front of adults!..
Mother broke. Yeah, it was her who kept getting into the hurricanes Makina created, and then...
-- A, ah... Da, daddy, I, I...
... Makina clung to dad.
Dad was even more disappointed in her, than mom:
-- Makina. Be at home now. Bad girl like you shouldn't do anything.
My sister was no longer called Makina. Fake smiles erased from parents' faces, it was, to say, the only thing Makina succeeded in doing with her way. Dad stopped bringing her daughter to administration house, mother, who didn't look at me before, started being happy with her son's - usual - success, and only my name was leaving her mouth.
Even at school Makina was treated like an empty place. From first and to sixth grade she was ignored, like she was invisible. It could happen to me too, but I made a victim out of myself and avoided that fate. That sad truth. I was always blinded by Makina's shine, do I have to be on her side now? And everyone thought the same, probably. Let her be like that, a child.
Four years, from since Makina got in middle school, were the best years of my life.
She was moved to a different room, used before as a storage room, and the big room, where we lived together before, was just mine now.
Around the same time, Makina became lifeless, kept looking down at the floor, was quiet like a ghost. When mom or dad tried talking to her, she yelped. Sometimes she looked in my direction with a lonely look, but I answered that with a fixed stare, and she fled to her room right away. Makina's life collapsed. Everything around her was scary, she came to a dead end which she couldn't get out from alone.
-- O-oh... Isn't there anything to do with Makina? Shinya, can't you save her? You're her brother after all.
-- I don't feel like it. Mom, don't push it on me when you're lazy to do so yourself. Ah right, about food, maybe she should eat alone in her room? Dad would be happy, and coming to call her for dinner everyday is a bother.
Makina would gloomily sit in a corner of her room, like a ghost, it isn't right, but who cares.
Makina forgot how to do anything, and the former wunderkind became a shame of Hisaori family. Of course, I had to do with it a too. Getting to the same middle school, I was studying as hard as I could. Because of that, powerless Makina was compared to me, and even at school they didn't leave her alone. Makina fled to my classroom a lot of times, but I fixed my stare at her and she ran away again. Everyone kept their distance from her at school, and at other places, but I didn't really keep watch of it. I didn't really have to know of those places anyway, I didn't solve her problems and I didn't tell parents about it.
And so, Makina was ostracized from society.
-- O-oh... finally...
... Managed to lock down a beast.
Yes. I was always afraid. Just as I was in awe, in the depths of my soul I wished for her to be gone, and couldn't do anything about it...
2
In high school, Makina kept skipping classes from the first semester, and stopped going there at all before summer vacation. Closed in a dark room, she only showed up for dinner. Last stage. Makina, day after day losing her abilities, couldn't even talk normally anymore.
Like a newborn child. She could forget how to breathe like that. So it happened that mom was taking care of her, she even talked to father about placing her to an orphanage. Of course, father's answer was the same: "We don't have money for that. Deal with it yourself".
I had exams to do, mother was losing last drops of her love to Makina, who became a topic for local rumors. Makina's care was getting close to the bottom line. Mother kept on saying, as if trying to convince herself, that Hisaori family only has one child, Shinya, and kept on taking care of me.
For half a year, until I graduated, Makina was left alone for herself in her dark room... And I foolishly let that relax me. Of course, graduation ceremony was partly at fault, but I was naive myself. And once I thought that was a goddess, even though with a stretch. How could I think that Makina won't say anything again, how could I think I'm her level...
-- And so, Shinya. Teacher decided to move you two to same class.
-- Wha-a-at?
Makina shuddered.
Before the holiday table, for the first time in six years, mother put her fake smile on.
-- Why's so? What are you talking about? Does sister still want to attend school?
Makina, who didn't go to school for a whole year, probably couldn't pass to next grade. Mother, who thought of her as of a bother, but still pricing the parental duty, thought that she wants her daughter to graduate from school, so she signed her up for a second year.
-- What's so bad in that? With you, Shinya, even she could go to school.
So said the father, who didn't understand anything, but tried to make it look like he did. Putting an older sister on a second year with her younger brother? What nonsense. Father, teachers alike - are they idiots or what? It's not the way to deal with it now...
-- What the hell, not funny! I'm not going to nurse her. [x]
If I just refused that straight, instead of saying anything about nursing...
No, not like that...
-- M-m... aw.
If at that moment Makina didn't drop her spoon, everything would be alright.
-- Pick it up, Makina. You dropped it. What? Don't be silent, we're not clairvoyant. Or you don't hear me?
You dropped a spoon? Mother says, pick it up yourself.
Listening to mother's order, Makina slowly picked up the spoon. Dad pretended not to look. Makina lonely looks at mother with a spoon in her hand.
-- M... Mommy, feed me.
Bang - atmosphere at the table breaks.. Makina can't even eat by herself.
Mother angrily hits the table:
-- Enough, so spoiled! You can't even eat yourself?! Are you stupid?! When did you become such a klutz?! You have a fine example before you! If you can't do anything, you should've just watched Shinya and learned!
Mm, yeah... You know, mother.
That was the one line that should've never been told.
-- Ah?..
Makina's eyes shine, like lenses:
-- Mother, can I do something myself?
-- Of course. You're not a child, so if you don't understand something, copy Shinya. You won't bother anyone that way, and that's enough.
Don't give her a goal.
Don't teach her the methods.
This mechanism must not be started.
-- Ahh. I see... I'll do so.
After that, Hisaori family's history turns around to be a real mess.
Well, and me...
Whatever I did, nothing worked out well.
3
In high school, we with Makina started learning in same class. To be honest, I thought it couldn't get worse.
"Older sister repeating grade because of low attendance" - this crest doesn't suit me. Father's poverty brought me misfortune here too - he didn't want to pay for our education, so he only let us take exams in a local high school.
Makina would surely drag me down. She can't even eat alone - who would like such a girl? No one. Weak are deprived of human rights in school. Pride, physique, difference in grades, and looking like it's a matter of course to blame you in all her sins. Makina has it all. If she'll get bullied, no one will save her. Because it's meaningless to save her. You save her, and she's thoroughly rotten, and in the end you only get more problems. If it wasn't for relatives, I don't think anyone could be kind to her.
But high school life, which begun with a headache about ostracism, appeared, in fact, beautiful.
For the first month, Makina spared me her presence in classroom.
In this local high school I have many acquaintances, and teachers remembered me from the good side, so I became central figure of the class, found friends and trust. Sometimes a topic about my absent sister was raised, but I'm already used to avoiding that talk. Graduating from middle school to high school, Hisaori Shinya made yet another great step.
... But there was one thing. One thing that bothered me. Makina stopped leaving her room.
Every time I felt a stare and turned around, Makina was always looking at me. There wasn't a day when our gazes didn't meet. I got irritated by that, and stared at her in return. Before, she always fled... But now, bearing the unfriendly stare, she kept closely watching me. Without blinking, like a camera, she kept looking at Hisaori Shinya.
In May, I realized that I'm uncomfortable with that.
One evening, dad was in unusually good mood and was talking to Makina about all sorts of stuff. Something about successful work, thanks to Makina, something else... Not funny. I remembered how we were sitting behind this same table when we were still kids.
-- So, Makina, I bought you a cage, but don't you want a bird?
-- No. I have a cage, why would I need what's inside?
Dad was happily smiling. Makina asked to buy something - it's a rarity. Dad agreed to buy it - it's a rarity too. I kept watching this scene from the side, alienated, and after those words I finally got it.
Dad called Makina by her name, and Makina, without saying a word, is casually smiling in return.
Relationship between Makina and dad got strangely better. One Sunday, when I came back after club activities, dad and Makina were playing ball outside. They often went shopping. After bath, they were watching TV together.
-- Thanks, Shinya, now Makina cheered up!
Mother was looking at them with a long forgotten face expression. I didn't do anything, but Makina cheered up because of me, she says... For some reason, I became disgusted.
"You know, Makina. I actually wanted a son like you."
And he happily patted Makina's head. I swear, Makina is not a boy.
So disgusting, so nauseating. Of course it is - how could a completely isolated person become so normal again in just one month? How could daughter, hated so much by her parents, get along with them so fast? I didn't understand what's the most disgusting part of it at first.
And so, in June, Makina came back to school, like nothing happened.
*
From that time I started having nightmares.
I opened my eyes from an indescribable feeling of occlusion.
It happens at midnight, lights are off. I throw a look at the door - it's opened a little. Surely, something is watching.
Behind the door, darkness is much deeper than in the room; uncovered, interrupted breath.
In that gap...
Pupil, like a camera. A creature, made of eye alone...
*
From the side, we with Makina looked like a friendly family. Makina was bit by bit getting along with her classmates, making friends, cleaning her tainted name.
"Schoolgirl that wasn't coming to classes" is a weakling that is to blame.
But "schoolgirl trying to come to classes again" is a weakling that is to be defended.
If I ignore such a righteous sister, I'll become the one to blame. As a good brother, I could only silently watch over Makina's rehabilitation. Even if I was completely disgusted with it.
Makina peacefully, smoothly, was becoming part of class. Completely unlike her. Such a honestly average behavior was coming from Makina I didn't know. I feel like spitting. A monster like that can't get along with us people. With such an obviously forced smile you can't get popular, it's too fake. Such a newcomer can't get other people's trust, it would be too shallow. World that I supported can't be so simple.
-- What, she's easy to talk to. Hisaori-san, mm, even though she's a girl, she's like a guy. And again, she's nice to talk to.
-- Makina is really like you.
-- Really? Isn't it the opposite? More like Shinya-kun is like Makina-san.
That's what middle school friends are saying. Like Hisaori Shinya has two bodies.
"If you can't do anything, you should just watch Shinya and learn!"
Yes... I knew that without saying.
There was another me in the class. From the everyday habits to learning and grades. From the manner of speaking - supporting the partner, then returning to yourself - to general topics and personal likings that are scary to others. All of that was mine.
Really, I feel like spitting. "Stop that!.." Her new life completely changed in two months.
*
From day to day, Makina's imitation kept focusing.
From learning to detailed copying.
From retelling to complete playback.
She kept diligently imitating Hisaori Shinya.
What for - I don't know. Her head's working multitude times better than mine. Even if she just decided to act like me, for whatever reason, in the end a perfect, better personality would appear. She just concentrated on imitating.
Something was seriously wrong with her. Copying your idol's tastes is fine. Sometimes you get inspired by someone and you feel like becoming just like that person. But for Makina I'm just a person that happened to be close at the moment. Like a random passerby. Can you psychologically copy actions of someone like that? No interest, no respect, he can't be a goal. It is not worth the efforts and time. Is that really a possible thought for a living being? Even a monster should have its own motives, own will.
But all I could do was swallow my discontent.
Makina became a positive and reasonable, sane, role model student, and I, even though knowing how heinous she is, could only just keep on playing friendly relatives with her.
Completely useless effort. Even without it the balance kept on shifting everyday, and the year repeating loser was becoming a spotlight in class, just like me. She became a leader among girls, and I was a leader among guys. It probably looked like we're a happy family.
At home though, there was only one spotlight.
In just two months, Hisaori family completely restructured. Parents stopped looking at Shinya and started to see the happiness in Makina's smile. With every coming day I felt it's becoming harder and harder to live there.
"Say, Shinya. Can't you give your room to your sister?"
Not funny. I won that room. Makina, after running away to storage room, can't just simply return there.
"Makina, are you free next weekend? Dad wants to go to one place."
Enviable honesty. He was wearing a fake smile mask before, and now he's shamelessly spoiling her.
I've got enough of that family lunch. I get up to come back to my room.
-- Wait, Shinya. Relax your right shoulder before sleeping, or your neck would get stiff at morning.
Is that so. Bathing in parents' care, Makina tells me about Hisaori Shinya's - mine - body feature, that I myself didn't know about. I feel like I heard shutter sound in her lifeless eyes.
Without a response, I averted my eyes and rushed to my room. Probably because I lost peace of mind from Makina's dominance. My room, which I was heartfully cleaning, was becoming dirtier and dirtier. Today too, I ignored it and fell onto bed.
Next morning I woke up with a stiff neck, because I ignored Makina's warning.
Well, of course.
-- Good morning, Makina. Oh, is your neck stiff? Are you alright?
During breakfast it appeared, that predicting even my ignorance, Makina woke up with a stiff neck.
4
Excessive imitation is but an aggression to original. Starting from second semester, Hisaori Shinya's chair almost managed to drop me down.
One day, my friend declined my offer to go for a walk. He said he got some urgent business to deal with, no time to play. He rarely rejected my offers, but why not, it can happen to anyone. I didn't give it much thought, and walked downtown for shopping, where I accidentally saw Makina...
-- What the hell?..
... next to whom faces of my friends, who rejected my invitation, were shining with smiles.
I don't want to remember what I felt back then. They were the ones who broke the promise. I'm right, but I'm a victim in all possible ways. I rushed home right away. Just because if they noticed me, I'd feel ashamed.
"H-Hi, Shinya. I just accidentally met Makina there."
Stop it. Excuses like that make it even worse. If you say those excuses, it will only add to the cold.
"What the... Think a little, come on. Okay, okay. Shinya, want to come with us?"
I don't even want to think about it!.. It will be me that would be like an avoided, but putting his nose everywhere loser with no friends!..
-- Uh, uh, uh, a-a-a-ah!
I flew into the room, shut the door and screamed. I feel like doing it. I feel like letting all that anger out on that meaningless cleanliness, mess it all up. But my self-esteem didn't let me do it. Stop. Stop. Stop. No need to look for compensation. I didn't lose anything. No, nothing, I will only trip on my own foot and roll down. Now it's best to just calm down. But I can't seem to do it. Looks like I got asthma now. My head started aching, I almost fell from dizziness, when - click - the closed door opened.
-- Sister...
Makina enters. I retreat to bed. Makina stands motionless in the messed up room.
-- W... What do you want? Don't enter others' rooms without permission.
-- Yup. I just saw you. You ran away all of a sudden. Something happened?
Asthma disappeared. Dizziness was gone. Instead of that, I felt my brain being set on fire, and I almost got smoke coming out of my ears.
-- What, what. How serious you are anyway?
I mumble. This is bad. My throat burns. This is bad. I understand what you're trying to say, but questioning me so much is unreasonable. I said that already long ago - this monstrous creature, as soon as you know its true face, starts attacking people.
-- Serious about what? Did I do something to you, Shinya?
-- And you keep doing it, openly... What was that? Why were you with Saitou and others, sis? You're a girl, why don't you just have fun with girls? Why... why did you have to steal my friends?!
But this can't be stopped. Irritated, and probably scared, I can't stop my words.
-- Ah, so that's it, - she says.
Closes her eyes.
And then Makina...
-- But Saitou-kun called me himself. He says, Shinya is boring. He's not even special anymore. He said, if he is to choose between me and him, I'm more interesting.
...awkwardly chuckled, like she's pitying me.
-- Kh-h!..
Bang! - a sharp sound.
Everything went white, my right fist is on fire.
Makina didn't even yelp. She just limply falls on her butt.
-- Ah... eh?..
Humane reasoning is crumbling. It's unpleasant. For the first time, I used brute force, and it was so abhorrent I felt like rolling time back. Makina turned away and rubbed a newborn bruise on her right cheek. She got quiet because she's surprised with little brother hitting her? No. She... it can't be... is smiling?..
-- You're disgusting.
Makina is the weak one, I'm the one swinging fists. But my legs are shaking, and Makina's shoulders are quivering.
-- What are you laughing at, shut up! What's so funny?! You're crazy! Get scared, like before!..
-- Nothing's funny. Never before I thought of anything as fun.
Slowly raises her gaze. Monster, with shining camera eyes...
-- That's why I couldn't do anything as myself... But yes. I tried to take your place, Shinya, and it seems to be entertaining.
... for the first time on my memory she really laughed in joy - he-he.
Question that was tormenting me from the very childhood got an answer. What was so disgusting in her? It's so simple. Makina was crying, she was getting angry. But she never once rejoiced.
-- Fun... wh... why?
Scared, I could only ask this... If I started to beg her to stop this, maybe she would've done so. Too late.
-- Weeell. It's funnier for everyone this way! You can disappear, Shinya. I'll be Shinya instead. Because, you see, I'm better at being Shinya than you.
She can't be stopped anymore. I looked at my right fist, red in Makina's blood. Don't laugh. Don't laugh, don't laugh, don't laugh. You're not the one everyone loves. You're not the one for whom everything goes well. Don't copy me. Don't move. What the hell, what the hell, you, you...
-- You can't do nothing but copy me!..
A hit sounded in the room. Makina hits the wall, a shelf falls down, books drop on her head. Slight bleeding. A bit to the right, and her eye would've been damaged.
For how long that destruction was continuing?.. I only remember how mother came back and bandaged Makina. Wounds on her face were minor, so she was alright. But there was no longer a place for me in the house.
Dad scolded me. Makina stood up to me. Mother got touched by sister's kindness. I dully looked at the fallen shelf. Sigh... It was the one we built together with sister in our childhood, my favorite shelf...
\
Tendency got even stronger.
What came after that is obvious. Parents were charmed with Makina, I lost more friends. I was becoming more and more scared of being cornered, and I desperately fought to avoid that. But nothing worked out well for me. Because Makina could do my actions better than me - too good. I stopped understanding, how I became successful before, and in the end, I was forced to learn from Makina.
She was supposedly the one copying me, but now it's me who tries to catch up. I'm learning from her, how to be Hisaori Shinya she's imagining. I don't even understand what was I like originally.
The end came abruptly.
The class I still had my place in, I dropped myself. Because of a trifle matter. One morning, I came into classroom, Makina was giving out printouts. "It's my responsibility as the class representative, not yours.", I said, and raised my hand at Makina, just like at home.
"Why are you doing this?!", I said. And the exact same phrase came back to me from everyone else.
The next day, when I entered classroom, my desk was thrown away.
***
Mhm, eh... Who was the first to drop school? Well, doesn't matter.
From the second semester I stopped coming to school and was sitting in my room. Everything was a mess there, like in dirty ruins scheduled for demolition. My mother came in from time to time, worried, and dad only came in once, in the end.
Makina - I think she was always in my room. I remembered how Makina was before, and just like her I was bearing the torture of time. Looking at nothing, thinking of nothing. I think Makina was living just like that.
So Hisaori Shinya is deprived of any qualities of value. It's meaningless to copy him. Leave him alone. I can't do anything and I'm good for nothing now.
-- Uh...
But when parents were asleep, when I was in kitchen, or when I was walking the hallway to toilet and turned around, Makina was silently standing there. Watching me, clicking with her shutters. Those eyes kept watching me, not person, but trash. And mechanic, cold voice said:
-- Hey... Are you not going to do anything new?
I screamed and ran away to my room. Closed my door. Got under the blanket. Light is long broken. I closed windows, shutters, isolated myself. In my room is darkness, only light from under the door gets in.
But she can see right through me, even if I lock myself in the room, she watches my every move.
Yes... It was always like that. Why didn't I notice it before? Fleeing to my room was the mistake. It's a cage. Everyday I was under her watch. How? Hah. There's nothing this monster can't do. If I open shutters now, there's a huge eye looking inside my room.
-- No... No, no, don't, stop...
When Makina was copying me, it was fine. But when I have nothing left to show her, my usefulness is gone. Makina always burns the books after reading them. So now, even when I hide so she stops seeing through me...
-- You can't do it like that, Shinya. Even if you manage to cut your wrist with that, it will only hurt. To do it properly, you would need at least that hard knife you stole yesterday.
Someone, help me...
It feels like this room is inside her eyeball.
***
... In the end, it became apparent. I couldn't become Makina.
Life without any thoughts can't be achieved with a soul. I was all cracked, but wasn't crumbling yet. I was afraid of Makina, and then I got tired from being scared and started thinking of a way out from this situation.
To start with - can't I do something so Makina leaves me alone? She was copying me because I didn't save her from her classmates' bullying. It's her revenge. If I say sorry, maybe she'll forgive me - I hoped, got up from bed and talked to Makina, who was right here.
"Why? I never was mad at you", she says, fixing the broken shelf.
Family voices, coming from kitchen:
"Dad, maybe it's time to throw away that cage?"
"Do whatever you want, Makina. But why do you want to throw it away? I thought you treasured it."
"Nah. I never once treasured it. Inside it was just a meaningless worm anyway. And it's boring, to be honest."
-- Ha... Ha-ha!
I felt like killing her. Locked body and constantly thieved soul reached a limit and broke it. What's with that everyday tone. Like everything's over. She stole "Hisaori Shinya", and no one cares now?!
-- Yes... How naive I am...
Not revenge, not being mad - she won't be touched by such humane emotions. It's meaningless to say sorry. She never had any feelings about me. So now she'll get for it.
If I become useless to her now.
Before that, I'll avenge myself.
Burning, inextinguishable determination. All fired up, I waited for night, made sure it's past two o'clock, and started to look for a fitting tool...
How lucky. Even though a toy, there was a baseball bat in cabinet.
-- Ha-a-a...
Toy, but made of steel. It's gonna hurt if you get hit with that.
-- Ha-a-ah...
But it can't be helped. I rewound everything that happened in my memory, concentrated my hate. Hand, tightly gripping the handle... Ha, it's lighter than I thought! Even I will manage like that. Slowing my breath, quietly, I open the door. Now through hallway, through kitchen, and then to Makina's room.
Yes, I had to do so from the start. I'm not weaker than her. Even Makina is a girl, if she gets hit with a bat so it hurts, b... b-break her hand, at least - she'll think about it and understand it's dangerous to corner me.
-- Ha-a... ha-a...
I enter the hallway. Four steps after, I enter kitchen. The lights are out. Kitchen is covered in darkness. No human presence.
Some more steps, and kitchen is left behind.
At the same time...
-- Ah?..
At the other side of the kitchen, before the opened storage room door...
Stood Hisaori Makina.
Like in a mirror. At exactly same time that I entered kitchen, Makina left her room. In my hand, I hold baseball bat. In her hand is a sharpened, shiny knife.
-- M-m...
It was a complete imitation. She knows Hisaori Shinya's conscience's state, she knows its limits, she's imitating Hisaori Shinya.
But - a knife and a bat. My Shinya wanted to scare, Makina's Shinya wanted to kill.
-- Damn.
Makina smiles in embarrassment.
-- Eh, so I made a mistake in the end. Sorry, Shinya, you appeared to be smaller.
That's when it happened, I guess.
What was before me finally crumbled to dust.
I can't defeat this. I can do whatever I want, but my Hisaori Shinya can't match her Shinya. I just didn't understand before, that I'm already an empty old caterpillar cocoon, left to be stepped on and forgotten.
5
Beginning of 2001. My last story before I came to clinic.
That day was Makina's birthday. It wasn't even mentioned until last year, but now from dusk mother and father were engrossed in preparation. I locked myself in my room and I only pray for dawn to come.
"Hisaori Shinya" long in Makina's ownership. She just has to wish for it, and I'll disappear. Makina's birthday. Holy resurrection of the one who was dead, but reborn as Hisaori Shinya.
Makina got lively from the very morning. She called me to join in a lot of times. Saying I should dine with everyone at least today. Not funny. Even in this room I feel like disappearing from others' gazes, and down below, in light, if I meet eyes with Makina, my heart will stop for sure.
-- Come on already, Shinya. It's your sister's birthday.
I kept on ignoring calls for me, and it seems like mother lost her patience. She opened the almost always locked door and entered my room. Without any restraint, to the very center of it. Where Makina is always standing, in the very center of the ruin.
"Why are you still sleeping? And the room is a mess, when will you already..."
...become like your older sister?
Boring. Hallway lights are blinding. If I close the door - they scold me... I'll go back to darkness. Mother's still here.
"You hear me? It's sister's birthday today! Makina doesn't like that you're not there. She says she wants to celebrate with Shinya!"
Boring. Makina. Makina. Makina. Mother's proudly saying her name. She's so boring. Why do you care about me, you're just dragging me out of bed to please Makina. Enough. Stop it. I don't want it. I'm sad to see Makina, to see you so happily talk to Makina. If you care about Makina so much...
"Come on... Sister's waiting for you."
... please, I'm begging you, leave me aloooone!..
-- Kh!..
I push away. To the side of the door, which the uncalled guest came in through, I push this Makina's pawn. Bang - sound of hitting against the closed door, slap - sound of falling down on the butt.
-- Shinya! What are you...
Angry mother. At the moment when I thought it happened before... Creak!
-- He... ah?
From mother's neck, a fountain of blood gushed forth.
And... a sound of falling junk. In the light from the gap in the door, I somehow check on the situation.
Right above the door - when did it appear there? - tilted, was a shelf with a broken bracket, and stuff from it dropped on mother. And in mother's throat was a shining blade, which dropped on the floor, precisely slicing her throat.
It has to be said, it was beautiful. Blade fell vertically, but, as if it was funneled, it caught mother's throat with a sharp tip and sliced it through.
-- He-ey... Mom?..
No answer. Forced breathing sound. Sea of blood. Can't even say if she's alive or not.
-- Sh... Shi... he... lp...
Shinya, help. I don't understand it like that, mom. You could try to learn, say, ventriloquism.
-- Kh-h...
I look at the murder weapon. Knife. The one that was supposed to kill me. I didn't have time to understand what that means, when...
"What's with the noise? Did something happen?"
...dad's voice came from the hallway. Door handle turns. Mother is blocking the door. Dad forcefully opened the door, and still breathing mother's body rolled on the floor.
"Mother?.."
What scary image appeared before his eyes?..
Dad's reaction was a pleasantly fitting calmness. First thing first, he hit me, standing dumbfounded, and then right away checked mother's condition. Ripped her clothes, and put them to her throat. Decided that it's dangerous to move her, and, yelling at me not to move, ran through the hallway. Step-step-step... But it wasn't right. Dad, wanting to call an ambulance as soon as possible, ran through a narrow kitchen hallway to kitchen, and..
"Gh-h!.."
...bang - he tripped over something and fell down. I heard the sound of falling. Problem appeared later. When I was waiting and waiting, but neither the sound of him getting up, nor the dinging sound of picking up phone wasn't heard.
Silence. The only thing heard was mother's breathing.
I sneak out of the room and pass the brightly lit hallway. It's even brighter there, and next to the dinner table.
With a blade deeply stuck in his left eye, lied motionless father's body.
-- It's dangerous to walk with things like that, Shinya.
On the other side of the table, before the phone, without a single drop of blood on her clothes, stands smiling Makina.
As she said "with things like that", I look at my hand - it was gripping a knife. Nervously, I relax my grip. Thum - stained blade gets stuck in the floor.
-- Sister...
What happened - I can't even think about it.
Did father die, or is he on brink of death, like mother - that's all I'm thinking about.
-- Sister...
Stupid me, I still had some hope left. I wanted to explain the situation somehow, call ambulance, but...
-- Good job, Shinya. So, where did that thing hit mother? Right eye or jugular vein?
... I realized. This here, that is talking to me, was the one that gave father the decisive strike.
-- Do you not hear me? I'm asking, what's up with mother. The shelf fell, right? I didn't see it, at least tell me about it. What did it pierce, right eye or throat?
I'm getting sick. No point in asking Makina what happened. She's not interested whether mom is alive or dead, she's only interested in where the knife hit her.
-- How do you know this?..
Worry for mom and dad was defeated by terror.
Doesn't matter. Not the shelf, not the knife that shouldn't have been there, not the motionless dad. There's no point to ask about anything of it, it's all apparent anyway.
But why? Why does she know so precisely what happened to mother?..
-- What's with you? It's just math and physics. I know the size and mass of mother's body, her step length, put it all in formulae and the result is obvious. What were you doing in school all that time, Shinya?
Ahh... So that's how it is.
My room wasn't organized by me. She's the one that arranged everything so it happens. Messy floor, broken light, the place from which she was talking to me - everything was arranged so she can reach her goal.
And then she just had to wait for when all conditions were met. Today wasn't the time for decisive actions, and she, who didn't care when to start, was waiting for me to flip the switch. She kept waiting for Hisaori Shinya to attack his mother.
-- But why? Stop that. If you decided to do it, there are softer methods.
I'm small. I'm not ready to kill, you know it better than I do.
-- O-oh. I see. Mother has a life-threatening wound. Well, the difference between life and death was about whether she stood on her feet or fell on her butt. I tried to add the weight as much as I could, but in the end the distance was depending on you two. Both you and mother were unlucky.
If I was a bit weaker, if mother stood a bit steadier, if the room wasn't in a mess, she wouldn't have fallen?
But you know what, Makina. With all that said, you didn't leave father, lying here, to his luck.
-- Yup, what's with mother, I understand. Now it's time to go on.
Makina turns around and picks up the phone.
-- What are you... doing?
-- What? I'm calling police, obviously. We have such a terrifying occurrence here.
I'm failing to understand that.
Police? Not ambulance? But after that, Makina would be arrested. After all, this tragedy was arranged by...
Ah...
-- Got it? Shinya, your clothes are stained with blood. that's a problem. Also, as a fact, in Hisaori family's circumstances half a year ago, you used brute force on me couple times.
-- ...
Narrowness of thinking from self-inflicted damage. For panorama, use fisheye lens. I felt dizziness, my body tried to part with my consciousness.
I feel like I've lost my mind. Makina is pressing the buttons.
-- You know who would they think did it. Oh, here. Hello, police?
-- Ah!..
Can't allow. Can't allow. Can't allow. A bat. For some reason, a bat was conveniently lying in kitchen, I'll redo what I couldn't do that night, hand, at least a hand, yes, at least her hand I had to break back then!..
-- A-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-ah!!
I swing the bat with all I have. Full-swing at Makina's right hand, gripping the phone. Amazing, world-ripping sound. Phone dropped down, I break it too.
- Ah... ah, ha-ha, ah...
Almost falling, I support myself with the bat.
Saved... Can't call police now. Police has to come for her, but I could stop her in time. Oh...
-- E-eh. Broke a phone?
With a broken hand, Makina moves to balcony with light steps.
-- You're so scary, Shinya. You don't want police to be called that much?
Ha... Ha-ha. Ha-ha-ha. A-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
-- And now, farewell. You finally released your chair.
She opens a window. Outside is a beautiful sunset. Red balcony - just like back then, when she saw a ghost.
-- But don't worry. Shinya will be isolated from society, but I'll continue Shinya's way of acting.
Yes... She'll take Hisaori Shinya's place, and I'll be forgotten by everyone. Only one person can sit in a chair. For Makina to sit there, the weak, pitiful, but still owning the chair me had to be disposed of first.
-- Sister... sister, sister, sister...
I don't know myself what I want to say.
I want forgiveness, I want help, maybe I want to believe that this is my sister...
And this, chuckling in the end...
-- Stupid... Bye-bye, Shinya.
From the side it looked like she was running away from me, laughing, jumping from the third floor's balcony.
...Smack.
6
Three years after Hisaori Shinya was arrested, charged in murder of his parents and physical violence to his sister, beginning of year 2004.
I was put on accounting, but still, they let me to rehabilitate. I had a chance again.
Of course, she didn't die back then, she only lost her hand. She was supposed to come out unscratched, but the broken hand messed her plan. So she's not almighty. Maybe it was heavenly punishment, but after that she was, just like me, isolated from the world for thorough examination.
The plan to to empty me, drive me away from Hisaori Shinya was flawless, but when everything was over, she was adjudged to be possessed. Isn't it a little to late, damn it? I knew it many years ago that she wasn't human.
With that, of course, I got mitigating circumstances. As I was living with an A-syndrome carrier, lawyer kept talking about huge psychological pressure.
I got discharged, my relatives happily accepted me, with orphan aid I can survive without work for now.
Of course, I don't intend to do it. After three years in a hospital I became a different creature. This is the last chance. This time I won't make a mistake. I want to do what happened to be my duty, so that I get relieved of it even a second earlier. Luckily, the hardest part - finance - solved itself. Empty, lifeless thoughts finally got realistic. There is a lot of reasons to be worried, but talent and money are paired. Even with my level of abilities, I can cover the holes in my talent with money. If fortune doesn't turn away from me, I'll succeed.
Well... When you aren't thinking about how to increase amount of money or happiness, things are going fine - it's life.
\Hands.cut
Next subchapter: 2\Self (L)
Last edited by Enhance; January 30th, 2013 at 10:16 AM.
Chapter 3 of HandS.(L) is the best.
Makina's actions were slightly hinted when she was at Origa. I dunno, thought something going on was obvious.
Damn you, making me want to continue translating right now! (I read as I translate)
My strategy seems better than terra's.
I just want my second Volume ;_;
Sorry, I didn't know you read as you translated. Perhaps that's why you didn't get my previous spoiler post.
Last edited by Crown; September 1st, 2012 at 06:52 PM.
hmm, seems I was just too oblivious
Yeah, I didn't get it ;_;
I started not getting it even more when I did the last chapter (Shinya was kinda an asshole, even though badass in the way. Part of me tells me nee-chan needs more love, and other part of me tells me he's cool)
Nah, seems I typed "he" where no gender is specified too much in HandS(R). What made me suspicious was the hand (Shinya shouldn't have had problems with hands, it's Makina who was pushed from the balcony), the pictures:
Spoiler:
and the former confusions about the name.
Last edited by Enhance; September 1st, 2012 at 09:20 PM.
Shinya had shitty luck, that's all. To have someone as Makina as a sister simply doomed him.
She's got a nice ass in one of the pictures.
Last edited by Crown; September 1st, 2012 at 10:54 PM.
That's what I'm saying!
Incest!
Well, in fact, I think he could've found some way to use her.
Well, he could certainly have taken advantage before she started copying him. She was so vulnerable.
Scratch that, this would be a nice doujin.
DDD getting fanart? damn
DDD getting GOOD fanart? Damn nigga.
Added: ^ whozzat
A teensy update, the part that I've checked. (Just cause I might get too busy later)
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