Oboy oboy.
This looks really awesome, but I think he's gonna end up in trouble pretty fast.
He still only has the three command spells right? And they haven't suddenly become reusable?
Oooh, wait. Will Caster be any good at teaching him better magecraft? I'm not exactly conversant on the differences between the bastardized modern he's been practicing and the vintage Age of Gods she's used to.
Also, the pre-slaughter interaction between Illyasviel and Shirou was priceless.
Is somebody even able to learn divine language when not in the Age of the Gods? Furthermore, wouldn't learning it take a long amount of time.
Arthur-san is my waifu
[20:57] frantic: I can't even remember what opinions I actually hold about the thing compared to shit I made up to piss people off
[17:13] Airen: Its not an airen character unless gay
God, this is amazing and hilarious.
Yeah, I'm wondering when the prana transfer is going to come up.
At least if he partners up with Rin, she could help.
Much to Lancer's (and Archer's) complete glee.
Is it accurate that when I read the part where Rin called Kotomine, I pictured an Atomic F Bomb going off?
Kinda like this:
... This needs to happen, if only in an Omake!Originally Posted by Ergast
... Please?
Maybe each command from the Command Spell affects all of them?
“Okay, we have a serious problem,” Shirou said.
“Is it the fact that there’s a tiny little girl with a giant mountain of muscle out to kill you?” Archer asked.
“Well, that’s part of it, but that’s not what I meant.”
“Is it about the fact that there’s berserker shaped holes in most of the walls of your house?”
“Okay, that needs to be taken care of too, but-”
“Or is it the fact that you have no idea what you’re doing.”
“That’s a little harsh isn’t it? I mean, I just got thrown into this today and-”
“Wait, I’ve got it – it’s a school night and you have a biology test in the morning that you forgot about until I mentioned it and you haven’t studied for at all.”
“No, well, yes…how did you even know that?”
Archer smirked knowingly, before shrugging. That guy was really starting to annoy Shirou.
“Oh, okay, I admit it. We have a lot of serious problems,” Shirou said, sighing. To be honest, he wasn’t sure what he had done to piss the guy off – they hadn’t even known each other for more than a couple of hours. Then again, he hadn’t even known about Ilya at all before she had tried to kill him, but at least Archer didn’t seem like he would attack him. One of the first things the servants explained to him was that if the master died the servant would also disappear.
It wasn’t like Archer would ever want to kill himself, would he?
“Archer…” Saber said strongly, tapping her finger against the table a few times to get the man’s attention. “Perhaps you should let our Master finish talking.”
“If you insist.”
“Thank you, Saber,” Shirou said, smiling. She simply stared back at him, waiting for what he had to say; already, he had begun to understand that she was probably the most serious of his servants. “Anyway – we have a lot of serious problems. However, one of them is the fact that I’ve got people coming over soon.”
“People?” Lancer said, smiling wryly at the boy. “In the middle of the night? I admit, you seemed like the prudish sort, but-”
“Ah, that’s not what I meant,” Shirou said quickly, laughing weakly. “It’s just my friend’s sister and my teacher.”
“Even more impressive!”
“It’s just for breakfast,” he said, noting the slight look of disappointment of Lancer’s face when he found out that his master wasn’t some sort of Casanova calling over a harem. “But they’ll be here in a few hours.”
“Understood,” Rider said, nodding her head. “I will try to make the best impression that I can when greeting them, Master.”
“No – that’s not it at all,” Shirou said, holding up a hand. He felt a little silly when he realized that she probably wouldn’t be able to see the gesture since her eyes were covered, but he couldn’t just let her go walk up to Sakura or Taiga and introduce herself as a servant. “To be honest, I don’t think I know quite how I’ll explain…”
“Everything?” Assassin added helpfully.
“Yes,” Shirou said, nodding. “Everything.”
“Understood,” Rider said. “I will simply explain to them that we are your mistresses.”
“I see,” Saber said, surprisingly agreeing to Rider’s plan. For some reason, Shirou had imagined that it would go against her honor or tarnish her pride, or something. Not that that was a good thing at the moment. “Truly, it would be the most logical reason for some of us to suddenly appear and also stay by his side – but it would not explain Archer, Lancer, or Assassin.”
Rider looked at Saber, and for a moment Shirou could swear she blinked at the knight. Then, after a moment of thought, she tilted her head and said, “What would be the masculine version of mistresses?”
“Masters?” Assassin added helpfully.
“Ah. But Shirou is our only master.”
Lancer’s eye twitched. “Now, wait just a second! I don’t mind if you guys pretend to be sleeping with him, but don’t lump me into your group!”
“Then what should we call you?”
“At least call me a bodyguard! That’s what essentially we’re doing anyway, protecting him!”
“If that’s the way we want to go,” Assassin said, stroking his chin sagely, “Then we should call Master Shirou ‘Aniki’ in order to better fit in with this era.”
“In that case, I too would prefer to be called a bodyguard,” Saber said.
Shirou face palmed. “You guys…are making me out to sound like some sort of yakuza boss.”
“It’s still better than being labeled a manwhore, though, isn’t it?” Lancer said, crossing his arms.
“Well…yes,” Shirou admitted. “But somehow, this still seems like it’s going to backfire on us.”
“Then it’s settled, Aniki. It’s not like you have any better ideas, do you?”
“Could you guys just, I don’t know…hide?”
“Hide where?” Archer asked, sounding amused by the whole conversation. “In case you forgotten, there are more holes in your house than a slice of Swiss cheese.” To emphasize his point, he gestured to the wall behind him…and then in front of him, and then just everywhere in general.
Shirou groaned. “Okay, okay, I get your point. I don’t even know how I’m going to handle that…”
“About that,” Caster said, raising a hand. “I can probably manage to take care of that.”
The other six people in the room turned to Caster – though only Shirou himself seemed to be surprised. “Really?” he asked.
“I am a witch after all, though this is rather basic. You can do something simple as fixing things with your spells too, can’t you?”
“Actually…”
“Just take that as a no,” Archer said.
“…well, in any case, I can handle it if you wish.”
“That would be very helpful, thank you.”
XXX
With Caster’s magic, they were able to repair most of the damage to his household. Unfortunately, it took some time going through each room and taking inventory of what was broken – and they were on a tight schedule as it was. Fortunately, with the others helping sort things out, they had managed to put everything back in its place.
Amazingly, Archer of all people seemed to figure out where things were supposed to go even before Shirou said anything. To be honest, Shirou had started to get a sneaking suspicion that the man was psychic; it would certainly explain how he somehow managed to preempt Shirou so often. He wouldn’t complain though. Despite his attitude, he really did need the help getting things in order.
He looked at the clock and sighed in relief when he realized they finished with some time to spare. With a smile, he turned to his servants to congratulate them for a job well done, even if it was only cleaning up. It was then, however, that he realized that Rider had strayed from the rest of the group – and it was also then that he heard the front door slide open.
“Ah!” came the surprised shout of his underclassmen. “W-who are you?”
“Oh,” came Rider’s voice from the same direction, equally surprised, though lacking the confusion that Sakura’s had. “I…am Master Shirou’s mistress.”
Shirou froze for a moment, hoping that he had only imagined Rider saying that.
“S-Shirou’s mistress?” Shirou heard Sakura ask, apparently hoping that she had misheard things as well.
After a moment, which Shirou imagined Rider spent nodding, his servant said, with even more confidence than before, “Yes, you heard correctly. I am Master Shirou’s mistress.”
“Master Shirou…Mistress…” Sakura said, her voice seeming to wobble. Then -
-THUD-
- something fell onto the floor.
“I think you should go check up on your friend,” Assassin said, smiling weakly at his master.
“I…I think I should too,” Shirou said shakily, before taking off towards the entrance.
By the time he arrived there, his fears were confirmed. Though Rider had already picked up Sakura from the floor, he could tell that she was simply hanging limply from the servant’s arms.
“She fainted,” Rider explained.
“Yes, I see that she did,” Shirou said.
XXX
When Sakura woke up, she was lying on the living room floor – her head resting on somebody’s lap. Though she couldn’t remember falling asleep inside of Shirou’s house, she didn’t complain about getting a chance to lay her head on her upperclassmen’s legs. She was sure that the two of them would have to leave for class soon, so this was a rare opportunity that she wouldn’t waste.
Nonetheless, though she was trying to pretend to be asleep, her eyes closed as tightly as she could make them, she couldn’t help but smile softly when her senpai started to run a hand through her hair, playing with it a little like she had dreamed of him doing so many times before. It was then that she was glad that she took careful care everyday –conditioning it to make sure it was soft and smooth just for a moment like this. Then, when she felt her senpai lean over – his own long hair tickling her face, she suppressed a giggle and…
…
Wait. Her senpai didn’t have long hair.
Immediately her eyes opened, and she bolted up – going from a lying down position to standing up in less than a second. She threw an accusatory finger at the person she had been resting on, seeing it was the same woman she had seen at the entrance.
“Y-you!”
“Yes?” Rider replied, tilting her head slightly.
It took a moment, but the words Rider had said flooded back into Sakura’s memory. “You…you’re the mistress!”
“Ah…yes,” Rider said, bowing her head. “That was a joke,” she continued, as though she had rehearsed that line carefully.
XXX
From the kitchen, Shirou heard the scream come from the living room and cringed. Even though he had just gotten his apron on, hoping to have something prepared to eat by the time Sakura woke up, it seemed that she wouldn’t
“You can’t run from it forever,” Lancer said with a grin, patting the smaller guy on the shoulder. “You shouldn’t be in the kitchen anyway, when your girlfriend was knocked out. She seemed to take it pretty hard, after all.”
Shirou didn’t bother to correct him and simply nodded. It seemed he wouldn’t be able to procrastinate on explaining his new friends after all. Actually, he wasn’t sure why he thought it would be a good idea to leave Sakura alone with Rider in the first place.
Walking into the living room, he was relieved to see that Sakura hadn’t fainted again. Instead, she had simply frozen in place as though she had been petrified, pointing a finger at Rider. He stared at the sight for a few disbelieving seconds, wondering if Sakura would even blink if enough time passed. Rider, for the most part, remained composed; too composed, really, all things considered. The servant simply stared at Shirou’s friend with a curious expression on her face…from what he could see of her face, anyway.
Finally he coughed, catching Sakura’s attention. Immediately, she unfroze, turning to Shirou with a panicked expression. “Senpai! I can’t believe you had a mistress!”
“Didn’t Rider tell you that she was making a joke?” Shirou asked, looking to the servant who nodded.
“Who would believe that, when she’s dressed like that?!”
Shirou winced. He knew he had forgotten something – the funny thing about Heroic Spirits was that they all seemed to stand out. Saber wore armor, Lancer wore a bodysuit, and Assassin was dressed like someone straight out of an old samurai movie. Archer and Caster could probably pass as normal if they removed their coats and cloaks – though, they still stood out in other ways.
Rider, however would have the hardest time fitting in. Her dress seemed impossibly short, and with those thigh high boots and blindfold he could understand why Sakura didn’t seem to believe Rider, now of all times.
“I-it’s just the fashion overseas,” he said, though he couldn’t imagine any place that would have that sort of fashion be considered normal.
Maybe Hollywood. Rider did have a body suited for a model or an actress, after all, even if she seemed to lack in common sense at the moment.
“Oh? And I suppose your torn pajamas are part of that fashion too?”
…right. That was another thing he had forgotten.
“No – I just got up myself. Look,” he said hastily, trying to find a way to convince Sakura he wasn’t keeping a sex slave. “She’s just an associate that my father knew.”
“Your father had a mistress too?!”
“No!” Shirou said, shaking his head. “She and some others came today, to handle some affairs with my father’s estate. Now that I’m old enough, I am officially going to inherit my father’s properties.”
“Is there any problem?” Saber said, ducking into the room. Shirou prepared to cringe – though he was surprised to see that she had changed out of her armor, though he wasn’t sure where she had gotten the suit.
“Another girl, senpai?” Sakura said, raising a brow.
Saber nodded, as if her gender was ever really the question. “Yes,” she said. “I knew Shirou’s Father. At this moment, I came to act as Shirou’s bodyguard.”
“Oh, a bodyguard?” Sakura asked, crossing her arms. “So you’re not one Shirou’s mistresses too?”
“No,” Saber said, shaking her head.
“Well,” Sakura began, sighing in relief. “That’s go-”
“Not anymore, at least.”
Shirou face palmed as Sakura began to turn red. Accusatory glances flew at Saber and Shirou, until finally Rider pulled at Sakura’s sleeve.
“Ah…yes,” Rider said, as soon as she had Sakura’s attention. “That was a joke.”
@ Neir: Well, since Shirou didn't notice 21 tattoos randomly appearing on his body I'd say that's so.
Last edited by Theocrass; March 27th, 2011 at 07:58 PM.
This is so goddamn funny! AAAAAAAAAAAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Arthur-san is my waifu
[20:57] frantic: I can't even remember what opinions I actually hold about the thing compared to shit I made up to piss people off
[17:13] Airen: Its not an airen character unless gay
It most certainly is!
This made my day, seriously.
It's probably... No, it is, without a doubt, the funniest thing I've read today.
Last edited by Airen; March 27th, 2011 at 08:12 PM.
Exodus (Complete)
Mugen No Sekai
Oh man this is brilliant.
This keeps on getting better and better.
*tries to comment*
*laughing too hard to even use proper grammar*
*gives up*
can't wait for more. geez that's good.
*Laughs out Loud*
@Theocrass: Maybe Shirou's tatoo's are three sets of a bunch of comand seals?
Hell, if SoL segments are this funny, then I can't wait for some of the complications that will arise in the Grail War.
You'd probably be disappointed then, EF. SoL is my specialty, after all.
Just want to make sure you guys don't get your hopes too high.
I'm cool with either aspect. As long as we're all laughing too much to care for anything else, all will be well with most of us I guess.
Pure joy and lols.
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