Seven days before SAO…
There was a very simple reason the Emiya residence in Mid-Childa was rather isolated from the main populated areas. It was a vital necessity which made it awfully difficult to find a good location in the first place. Basically, it was impossible for Emiya Shirou to have neighbors.
They would be driven crazy by all the explosions.
“Ugah!” Emiya Vivio groaned crudely as the contents of her stomach made their way back up her esophagus, reaching the back of her mouth before gravity and peristalsis pulled them back to their rightful place. The thirteen-year-old fell on her knees and succumbed to a fit of coughing that rendered her open for a right hook to the face following the one to her gut.
A rambunctious redhead that looked even younger that the small-for-her-age Sankt Kaiser laughed arrogantly after sending Vivio flying.
“Wahahahaha! Too early! It’s a hundred years too early for an ordinary human to defeat the awesome Vita-sama, wahahahahaha!”
“Nah, nah, Vivio is not really ordinary at all…” A man in his mid-twenties muttered to nobody in particular while stepping into the vast backyard with a tray in his hands. Noticing the other small lady seated on the porch connected the backyard with the living room behind them, Emiya Shirou moved to sit by her side. “You’re not fighting anymore, Einhard?”
Einhard Stratos assented, greeting Shirou with an apologetic look.
“Ah…um.” She quickly looked away from Shirou and back to the battle—although it would be more accurate to call it a one-sided trouncing. “It is…hard to keep up with those two.” Her expression took a rather painful complexion. “In many ways.”
Shirou laughed quietly at that, which elicited a sigh from the twintailed young beauty.
Emiya Shirou would easily admit that he was rather fond of Einhard Stratos. She was a mild-mannered, courteous young lady with a surprisingly homely attitude considering her origins. He had at one point offered to adopt her as well, but she had most respectfully refused.
“If a human cannot defeat you…” Vivio swiped the blood off the corner of her lips as she got back on her feet. In spite of the beating she was taking, there was an intense grin on her face. “…then today I shall surpass mankind, Mamaaaaaaa!”
“Ha!” Vita planted her hands on her hips, pushing out her slightly-developed chest as if presenting it as a target. “Big words, from such a puny brat!”
“I’ll wipe that smirk of your face, old hag!” Vivio’s smirk was positively feral. “Let’s teach the dinosaur a lesson, Stahlkaiser!”
“
Jawohl!”
The gauntlet-type Armed Device,
Stahlkaiser, was Vivio’s prized companion of three years already. She had received on her tenth birthday, shortly before the DSAA Inter-Middle Tournament. The main architect of its construction, Yagami Hayate, had offered to give it a cute appearance “suitable for a young girl”. What follows is the exact quote of Vivio’s answer.
“Fuck. That. Shit. I want something badass!”
Vita enveloped the girl in a hug filled with utmost pride…right before taking a hit to the head from Shirou for teaching her daughter such horrible language.
So that’s how Vivio’s Device ended up a thick, bulky fighting gauntlet. Well, they had reached a fine midpoint: in its inert form, it was a pendant shaped like Vita’s favorite bunny plushie. Hayate very reluctantly worked hard on reproducing that bunny’s bizarre expression with utmost detail.
While Vivio pumped more and more magical power into her Device to set up her next attack, and the Belkan triangle glowed brighter and brighter under her feet, Vita did not even bother trying to interrupt. The ancient Belkan Knight, whose Device currently rested in pendant form around Shirou’s neck, decided not to move a step and see what her girl was capable of firsthand.
“Uwaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh!!!” Vivio screamed like a shounen protagonist about to unleash a powerful beam attack. It made Einhard and Shirou contort their faces in identical expressions of exasperation and boredom.
“Is…all that yelling necessary…?”
“Not in the slightest, Einhard,” Shirou replied with a flat voice while filling a cup of tea for their guest that afternoon. “Not in the slightest. Here.”
“Thank you very much.” Einhard Stratos was usually uncomfortable around men, but Emiya Shirou was a person she could converse, sit next to and receive warm cups of tea from with a smile. “Oh, there she goes.”
Vivio dashed towards her hated (?) enemy, her gloved fist ready and eager to deliver a furious blow.
“
Hammerschlaaaaaaaaaaggg!!!” She roared as if her loudness could infuse her attack with more power.
“…
Panzergeist,” Vita softly murmured.
The impact resounded throughout hundreds of meters, and the explosion unleashed when Vivio’s vast magical energy channeled through her fist struck Vita’s chest swallowed the Emiyas’ small villa with powerful iridescence. You know, the kind of thing that makes having neighbors impossible.
“If the dust ruins the flavor of my tea I swear I will go over there and hit you!” Einhard shouted in one of her sporadic, powerful bouts of emotion. They had become a constant in her life after becoming friends with Emiya Vivio.
“BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!” The younger girl’s boisterous laughter echoed through the cloud of dust and smoke that concealed the whole courtyard.
“…you call that a ‘punch’?”
A sudden burst of energy expelled the dust cloud, revealing the Crimson Iron Knight readying her own fist while wearing a positively sadistic grin on her round face. A crimson magic triangle in the Ancient Belka tradition spun mightily around her right arm, shrinking with every rotation as energy coalesced within the vibrating arm. Vivio saw the incoming retribution and shrieked in terror.
“Awawawawawa—Hei-
Heiligen Geist!!!”
“HAMMERHINRICHTUNG!!!!!”
Shirou covered Einhard’s eyes with his hand. It felt like the right thing to do. Thus, the inheritor of Hegemon Ingvalt was denied the sight of soil rising like a geyser and spreading outwards like a tsunami. She did not see the leaves being plucked off the nearby trees by the tremendous gales unleashed by the outrageous punch, or the bolts of red lightning and tongues of magical energy lashing recklessly out of the attack’s ground zero.
“I wish they remembered how much work it takes to fix the courtyard every time…” He muttered in a voice that would elicit the pity of impressionable women, had it been heard at all. Really, what with the roaring explosion that easily dwarfed Vivio’s earlier effort, it would have been impossible for even Einhard next to him to catch a single word of that.
When the smoke dispersed and the dust settled, the audience of two got a good sight of a battlefield that could not be more one-sided. Vita stood like an immovable fortress, her arms crossed before her chest and her smirk full of contempt towards the battered opponent. Vivio…was broken. Her clothes would probably end up in the trash after this fight, and Shirou was grateful there was nobody around because his dear little girl was perhaps providing way too much service. Drool poured uncontrolled out of her mouth as she panted, and her sweaty skin was marred with dirt. However, she still stood. And she still smiled.
“Hmph…” And she still could afford to snort with false derision, even. “It seems like there’s still some strength in those old bones, Mama.”
Vita returned her cocky girl’s grin with an even wider one of her own.
“Rich words coming from a loser!” She lifted her nose until it was hard to look at Vivio. “Is that shit I smell from inside your pants all the way here, girl?”
“How are these people allowed to be part of society…?” Einhard murmured with disgust on her face. “Mister Shirou, I will never tire of expressing my admiration.”
“It’s a work of love.”
“Very well!” Vivio suddenly shouted, standing upright and with hands on her hips as if she were in a position of superiority. “I wanted to be merciful, but you leave me no choice!”
“Are you even listening to yourself, idiot!?” The best friend promptly retorted, her cup of tea long forgotten.
After clenching her left hand with decisiveness, Vivio raised her open right hand towards the sky. It was a strange and ridiculous stance.
“Mother! I will have you taste defeat with my
Noble Phantasm!”
“…haa?” Shirou and Einhard uttered in unison.
“Hohoh~” Vita grinned with even more excitement. “Interesting! I applaud your mettle, child! In response to your courage, I shall respond with my own
Noble Phantasm!”
“Have they completely lost it…?” Shirou sounded tired as he said those words.
“More like, where’s that music coming from…?”
Please don’t mind that, Einhard-san.
Vita outstretched her right arm forward, firmly grasping the wrist with her other hand. The classical Belkan triangle appeared in front of her open right hand. At the same time, the beautiful shine of Vivio’s Kaiserfarbe began to accumulate around the girl’s right hand, creating something like a rainbow-colored blade.
“
Behold!” The small thirteen-year-old proclaimed with a voice full of unusual majesty. “This, is the blade of insurrection!”
As if in response to those words, the many-colored shine of the magical blade grew more intense.
“This shining sword gathers the painful, ardent, and sublime ambitions of all princes past, present and future! Those who stand at the crossroads of destiny! This, is the crystallization of desire, of exaltation!”
As if her arm could no longer contain the tremendous amount of energy coalescing in its vicinity, a halo of white energy rose like a trail of smoke, refracting the afternoon sunlight of Mid-Childa and creating a mesmerizing display of countless rainbows around Emiya Vivio.
“The malcontent princess bares her fangs with pride, content that her way is the correct one, for it is the prerogative of every child to one day surpass her parents! Let me announce this name, that of the priceless treasure of the noble princess, and the manifestation of the wish she hold earnestly in her heart!”
“Oooooohh!!!” Vita exclaimed in praise of the girl’s magnificent visage. “Good, good! You should be capable of at least this much if you want my acknowledgment, Viviooooooooo!!!”
“So…” Shirou spoke as if giving absolutely zero fucks about the scene before his eyes. “Be honest with me, Einhard.”
“Um, yes?” The clear-haired young beauty nodded. Her large eyes had also looked away from the bizarre spectacle in front of her to look straight at Shirou.
“…who came up with that spiel just now? I refuse to believe Vivio can come up with that kind of speech.”
“Ah…” Einhard promptly dropped her gaze as her cheeks flushed a deep red. “It was…’twas I, Mister Shirou.” Turning her face away from Shirou’s compassionate gaze, Einhard continued. “Vivio-chan asked me to…um…come up with an ‘epic speech’ for her No-Noble…’Noble Phantasm’.”
Shirou could feel the embarrassment irradiated out of the poor girl. Perhaps it was not very proper, what with Einhard not being his daughter or related to him in any way, but he could not stop himself from dropping one hand on the crown of her head and tenderly stroking it.
“It must be hard for you.”
“…in many ways.”
“Here I come, Mother!!!” Vivio exclaimed, the sword held high shining at its brightest and containing obscene amounts of magical power.
“Yes!” Vita responded. When she pulled her right arm backwards and twisted her body to the right to bend the arm behind her head, a ball of metal half the size of her head came into existence just inches above the clenched fist. “Come, Vivio! I’ll show you that it’s too early for the likes of you to challenge my supremacy!”
“Mah, at least they should be done after this,” Shirou suggested.
“I’ll pray for that being the case.”
Adoptive mother and adopted mother roared like furious beasts before unleashing their attacks at the same time.
“Clarent Blood Vita
Rebellion…Against My Awesome Mother
“Oi,” the two members of the audience blurted out with amazing synchrony.
“Fragarach
Magic Murder Ball of FUCK YOU
“OI!!!!!”
The tsukkomi was unfortunately drowned by the loudest of all explosions Mid-Childa experienced that day…or that semester.
While everything in a half-kilometer radius was swallowed by light, the shape of one Emiya Vivio flying away like a discarded rag in a hurricane could be vaguely seen nonetheless.
**************************
Team Awesome Versus Aincrad – Prelude
First Part: Papa and Mama
**************************
Seven years before SAO…
“…I still think Cadets Roselli and Diabelo are not properly tuned to their training Devices; I really want to run them through the tuning tests one more time. The others are doing mostly fine, but thinking back on the previous group I can’t help but think the current batch is a little slow in getting things. What do you think, Vita?”
Emiya Shirou and Yagami Vita were just on the way back from the independent territory of the Saint Church in Mid-Childa. It was Vita who had business with the people of the Saint Church; Shirou had simply accompanied her as their schedules for that day matched almost completely.
“…I think…I’m in the mood for paella tonight.”
Shirou stared down at the smaller redhead, who returned his flat gaze with a wide smile brimming with joy. It was not something he could admit to others, but Emiya Shirou adored that smile, and often pondered how this person could always smile like that, with such spontaneity.
To be able to glimpse at that smile every day…what had he done to be blessed so?
“Did you even listen to a word I said?”
“Did it have anything to do with paella?”
“Not at all.”
“Then nope.”
“How shameless can you be?”
“But Shirou~” Like a pampered child, Vita tugged at the sleeve of Shirou’s white uniform—despite not being an employee of TSAB in the strict sense of the word, he was not allowed to wear just anything when doing jobs for them. “Paellaaaaa~”
“Shouldn’t you ask Hayate? You know, the person you live with?”
“But Hayate won’t make me paellaaaaaa~”
“And you just go and assume I will?”
“Um!”
Shirou sighed, but it was not like he intended to refuse her, really.
“…you’re paying for the ingredients, alright?”
“Awesomeness!” The small knight pumped her fist up in celebration before lunging to get a tight hold of Shirou’s right arm. “Nihihi~ That’s why Shirou’s the best~”
She knew she was pushing it.
She had made a decision: to turn her back to her feelings as a “woman” and remain only as the knight that would watch his back on the road to the Hill of Swords.
But sometimes there was really no way around it. Vita did not get to choose who she fell in love with. Nobody does. So, if only for a few wonderful, maddening moments, she would allow herself a little guilty pleasure.
“Because I feed you,” Shirou pointed out while working hard to not mind Vita’s small body pressed against his forearm.
“Because you feed me~”
Shirou shook his head and let that go. He knew her true feelings all too well, so there was no point in dwelling on something like that. Everything was fine as long as this lightheartedness that filled their time together never faded away. Their interactions were something he could not get from any other woman; especially not from those three.
He had believed they could not get more aggressive in their advances. He was terrifyingly wrong.
“Actually, I’ve been thinking,” Vita suddenly said, slowly (reluctantly) pulling away from Shirou’s arm.
“About the cadet’s performance?” Shirou suggested with some hope.
“Eh? Wha—why do you remind me of those losers when I’m off duty? Godddamit, Shirou!”
“My apologies,” Shirou responded offhandedly.
“Whatever,” Vita also dismissed that issue very quickly. “What I’ve been thinking, is that you haven’t triggered any events lately.”
“…events?”
“Um!” The Belkan knight affirmed with unexplained excitement. “Events! You know, all the weird shit that often happens around you! You haven’t gone on dates with those three lately, huh?”
“Ah, well…” Shirou found himself sweating at the stinging question. “They, they’ve been pretty busy lately…”
“And you haven’t gone ruin exploring with Yuuno, or even on a drinking binge with Zafira…”
“You know I’m still a minor…”
“Only in Japan. Not in Mid-Childa,” Vita sharply countered. “So, really, your life’s been so…damn…boring lately!”
Emiya Shirou believed himself to have a rather powerful grasp of all matters Vita. It helped him figure out the most suitable reply to whatever she may be ranting about at any given time.
“You look terribly disappointed.”
“Of course!” Vita spoke even louder. “What am I supposed to do without my primary source of entertain—idah!”
The beginning of tears was visible in Vita’s eyes when she looked up at Shirou like a sad kitten.
“Jidouuuu…! I bigh mah dongue…”
“Serves you right.”
Still, the awesome Vita-sama could only be deterred for so long.
“But really, we’re long overdue for something crazy happening!” She declared.
“Please spare me.”
“Like, um, you could rent the rooms of your house at Fuyuki to hot and quirky high school girls!”
“Like that would happen!” The young man retorted with no little outrage in his voice. “More like, isn’t that really, really dangerous!?”
“Oh, ooh, or maybe you’ll get a sudden phone call from your biological father saying you have 365 little sisters!”
“What kind of absurd, eroge-like setting is that!?”
“Ah!” A tiny voice from above was ignored by the two friends engaged in that intensely absurd discussion. “Awawawawa…!”
“Or…hmm…” Vita rested her chin on her right hand and held the bent arm by the elbow in a pose of profound meditation.
“Stop thinking of ridiculous things an—dobagh!”
Vita’s eyes fell on Shirou whose face had just kissed the ground most passionately, and the girl who had suddenly knocked him down with her lovely bum.
“…or a little girl suddenly falling from the sky. Sure, why not?” A grinning Vita looked up at the cloudless sky. “Thank you, Universe!”
**********************
Seven days before SAO…
“More!” Vita and Vivio exclaimed at exactly the same time, presenting empty bowls to their favored food provider. Then they glared at each other as if the other had committed a grave insult.
“I said it 0.07 seconds before you!” Vivio immediately argued.
“Losers don’t get to argue!” Vita contested. “Shirou! Of course, you will refill the bowl of your beloved Vita-chan, right?”
“Hmm…” Shirou murmured as he opened the automatic rice cooker. “Daughter or Freeloader…decisions, decisions…”
“Gah!” The bowl bounced off the table after Vita released it to grasp her chest with both hands. “This pain…so this is the pain of betrayal…!?”
“It might be your stomach complaining from too much food…?” Shirou proposed and Vita laughed.
“Hah! Unconceivable!”
“I…do not believe that word means what Vita-san thinks it means…” Einhard meekly pointed out.
“Oh, there’s a stripe of beef left,” Shirou idly commented, but for all he knew he might as well have blown the horn that announces Ragnarök.
It was like a summons to warfare. Vita and Vivio glanced at each other, their eyes an unspoken challenge. What followed was an epic clash of chopsticks against chopsticks, their hands blurring beyond human perceptions as they battled for the last fried morsel. It was the kind of thing you would use the guitar solo from “Through the Fire and Flames” as background music for.
“Mah, if you can fight for food like that then I guess there’s no reason to worry,” Einhard pointed out by the side while she calmly picked at her bowl of rice. Certainly, for someone who had just been defeated in such an explosive manner, Emiya Vivio appeared to be quite healthy.
“Muu…” Vivio pouted and weakly glared at her best friend. “I’m angry at you Einhard.”
“Really,” the teen beauty retorted, seemingly uninterested in her best friend’s anger.
“If you had stay and fought by my side we would have defeated her.”
“Oh, definitely,” Vita commented. “In Bizarro World!”
“I made a more accurate assessment of the situation and concluded that standing aside and enjoying fine tea was more appealing than getting beaten for no reason.”
“But, Einhard~” Vivio whined. “This is how we’re supposed to get stronger!”
“Nah, nah,” the older girl dismissed the thought with a waving of her hand, abandoning her usual formal speech. “Nobody will learn anything from getting trounced by Vita-san.”
“That’s because being beaten by Vita-sama is not supposed to be educational,” the redhead pointed. “It’s an honor! A privilege! Bwahahahahaha!!!”
“Right, right…” Shirou idly uttered in response to his friend’s boisterous laughter. “Here, eat more salad.”
“Yessir!”
Einhard watched the scene with a weak expression of tiredness and disbelief.
“Mister Shirou…she really lives in her own world, does she not?”
A smiling Shirou shrugged halfheartedly.
“We’ve known each other for three years already, Einhard. You should be used to it by now.”
The lovely twin-tailed Belkan warrior glanced dejectedly to the side.
“Why do I feel like I will lose something precious if I get used to it…?”
The years together had certainly changed the people in that room. Einhard remained shy around strangers, but she managed to handle being Vivio’s best friend by speaking her mind in front of her and only her. Shirou had been fundamentally reshaped by the experience of (adopted) fatherhood. While his one and only daughter was a person who had picked the most bizarre of female figures to look up to, she was still an irreplaceable existence of immeasurable value to him. The man who wished to save everyone was still there, deeply entrenched within his soul, but a single glance at the girl he called daughter was enough to remind him that, yes, Emiya Vivio was more important to him than anything else.
Vita was perhaps the one unchanged constant in the lives of everybody who knew her. Admittedly, she had grown a little bit—although everyone pretended not to notice just to mess with her—she had remained the free, unchained soul that did and said whatever she wanted. If anything, the Valhalla and Eclipse Incidents had only made her crazier.
This was the person who became Emiya Vivio’s godmother. While it would have been better in many ways if the little Vivio had latched to, let’s say, Fate, the past could not be changed, and the fact was that Vita was the woman Vivio called “Mama”.
On a side note, Fate had somehow become “Stupid Sexy Obaa-san.” Shirou strongly believed Vita encouraged that nickname.
When Shirou and Vita took the empty dishes to the kitchen for washing, Vivio eagerly seized Einhard’s hands.
“Alright, Einhard! Now that we’ve filled your stomach, you can help me with my homework!”
“Wait, what’s with that statement?”
“Whatever!” Vivio insisted while jumping to her feet and pulling her older friend along. “Come on, quickly, to my bedroom—”
“Oi, girl.”
The young Sankt Kaiser froze in utmost fear. Vita was suddenly standing behind her, and she did not sound very happy.
“I agreed to fight you earlier because you said you had already finished with your homework beforehand,” Vita spoke with a firm, icy tone.
“Ah…” Vivio remembered that, indeed. “Ahahahaha…” She turned around slowly, her face constricted in a smile that elicited more pity than anything else. “Um, mama…”
Vita only raised an eyebrow.
“Um…” Vivio looked pained, but she was taught to always push forward with a smile!
“Tehe-pero~” She winked and bumped her own head while allowing the tip of her tongue to poke out of the corner of her mouth in a cutesy gesture.
“Shirou, I’m gonna punch your daughter.”
“Please be gentle,” Shirou responded from his place in front of the sink.
“Papa, you should be stopping h—owwww…”
************************
“Alright, girl, you better work hard now. I’ll leave her in your hands, Einhard,” Vita said, slapping Einhard’s shoulder as she walked by the two girls seated by the dining table. They had moved the textbooks to the dining room where Vita and Shirou could watch them.
“Ah, mama…” Vivio hurried to her feet. “You leaving…?”
“Yeah, I promised Hayate I’d go back to the house tonight, and you know how she gets…”
Vita’s routine was spending four nights per week at the Emiya house and the rest back at the Yagami family residence. This residence belonged to Emiya Shirou and his daughter; even if her dreams were occasionally filled with such scenes, the reality was that she was not part of that family. Even if she was called ‘mama’, she was just Yagami Vita, Emiya Vivio’s godmother. One day, Shirou would take a partner, and that person would become Vivio’s ‘mama’. When that day arrived, Vita would step back and return to being the sworn knight of Emiya Shirou, just like she had promised.
It was something she had already accepted, even if she sometimes cried herself to sleep thinking about it. Even if sometimes she found herself wishing to hear from Shirou the words she should expect from him.
The red knight noticed the forlorn look on her goddaughter’s face. Really, thirteen years old and still so clingy…
“Oh, don’t make that face, little one,” she said to the young teen who was already taller than her. Vivio hummed blissfully when Vita stroked the top of her head. “I’ll be here the whole weekend, so you better do your homework properly so we can have a blast, alright?”
“Um!” Vivio nodded excitedly. There was not a day in which being with her mama did not bring a smile to her face. She had always wished that Vita-mama would stay every day with her, but Vita-mama always made a sad face whenever she brought up the issue, so Vivio stopped insisting.
Shirou emerged from the kitchen presenting a tower of bentos for the Yagami family.
“Shirou, make sure this girl does her homework,” Vita insisted with a firm voice. “I give you permission to hit her.”
“Even if I wanted to I don’t need your permission for that.”
Leaving the young girls in the dining room, Shirou escorted Vita to the door. It was a rather unnecessary procedure for Vita, who had learned (remembered) the Dimensional Transfer spell, but they still did this little ritual every time she left the small villa.
“Thank you for coming over.”
Vita snorted at the admittedly not unexpected words of gratitude that made her shake her head in exasperation.
“We’ve been like this for seven years already, Shirou,” she pointed out. “Yet you say thanks every single goddamn time I come here. Do you thank the sun when it rises every morning, my boy?”
“Vita…” Shirou’s voice was closer to a groan. “I’m trying to be nice…”
“Then don’t,” the small woman spat back with an obvious ill mood. “If anything, it’s annoying.”
It reminds me that I’m still ‘just a guest’.
“As long as I’m that girl’s ‘mama’ I’ll stay by her side as much as I can. I’ll go to her even if you don’t want me to.”
“Like I’d keep Vivio away from you,” Shirou responded, sounded irritated by even the suggestion. “Vita, really…”
Shirou did not finish that sentence, and Vita did not say another word. It was not one of those special moments in which words become unnecessary. Nothing more was said because they did not want to say things that could not be taken back. Not even their gazes showed a thing; they were afraid to display things that should have been sealed years ago.
That is why, without further words being spoken, Vita opened the main door of the Emiya residence, stepped outside, and closed the door behind her without looking back.
*********************
Four days before SAO…
Vita clapped effusively and aggressively, cueing the group of five cadets to rush in a sprint towards the low-laying mesh of barbed wire. The smart ones among them used field-type defensive magic to spare themselves some pain, but they all threw themselves into the muddy hell under the mesh with no little caution.
“Alright, pussies! Like the maggots you are, show me how you crawl! If you manage to level up to mongrels I might deign myself to teach you how not to make utter fools of yourselves in a fight!”
After twenty meters of crawling in the mud, the cadets would have to dash through a stage resembling a devastated city street. Along its length, automated turrets would target them with low-energy
Shoot Barrets. It was an interesting way to glimpse at the different mindsets of Vita’s students: some would choose to just dash forward and make it through as quickly as possible, hoping they would be able to handle the punishment. Some would instead take advantage of the ruined geography of the stage to make it through slowly and painlessly.
“Alright, next batch of five, move, move, move! Or do I have to call your mommies and have them hold your crybaby hands!?”
The young, aspiring next generation of TSAB’s Ground Forces, long cowed by the one long acknowledged as the most demanding practical instructor, obeyed as quickly as humanly possible, aware that a proper performance would only decrease the rate of insults, never eliminate it.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!” A male cadet cursed repeatedly as he struggled to disentangle his track pants from a barbed hook. “I didn’t sign up for this!”
“Well I’m the one who has to bear with your ugly face every week, Cadet Biro! Life just sucks that way! Next group! And whoever dares help Cadet Biro and his obscene mug gets to help me practice my Shooting magic later!”
She did not even need to say he or she would do so as Vita’s target.
“Obscene mug…” Janus Biro muttered bitterly in his barbed conumdrum.
“Yes, obscene! Seriously, what’s with those disgustingly large lips of yours, Biro!?” Vita roared. “I doubt your mother is even human! I bet she’s just one big, smelly, swollen pussy! You pussy face! Now get your boney ass moving already!”
The cadet had every reason to be angry, but how could he complain to that roaring, fuming, vein-popping drill sergeant from hell? Regardless, he did.
“Don’t you see my pants are stuck!?”
“Oh woe is me! Whatever will we do, ojou-sama!?” Vita yelled back at him, rolling her eyes most eloquently and planting the back of her right hand on her forehead like a character in a tragedy. “Take those goddamn pants off and move it! You think anybody here gives a fuck about your sloppy dick!? Next group!”
As he watched in frustration how he was left behind by all the other cadets, Biro moaned in abject surrender before reaching for the pants at waist level. The embarrassed cadet did his absolute best to ignore the jeering and hooting from his fellows, both male and female. Vita did not seem amused.
“Having fun, babies!?” A smirking Vita called out, and the cadets knew they were completely and utterly fucked. “I guess today’s course is just not hard enough!”
Her hands danced over the holographic keyboard, as the console’s AI voiced the instructor’s commands.
Increasing number of turrets to 24.
Switching to multi-raid shooting mode.
Increasing barret energy output to 40.
Activating electrified net.
“Why meeeeeee…!?” Cadet Biro managed to squeak out before he was flooded by the electrical current that suddenly coursed through the low-lying barbed mesh. Quickly enough, the cadets’ laughter was replaced by screams and curses they had learned in the few weeks under Vita’s wing.
The small instructor crossed her arms before her slightly developed chest and nodded with satisfaction.
“Umu. Much better.”
******************
In Earth’s calendar it was a Saturday that day. After pushing her cadets to further depths of mental trauma the whole morning, Vita had the afternoon for herself. Or, more precisely, for the person who looked up to her more than anybody else in the world.
“Mama!”
“Oof!” Vita grunted—admittedly with some exaggeration—when Vivio rammed her and trapped her in a hug. “Damn, girl, these tackles of yours are gonna be the end of me one day.”
Looking up, Vita was met by the dazzling smile of the heterochromatic girl.
“Hello, mama!”
They made for an awfully awkward scene; Vita’s growth was not just slow, it was lethargic. Vivio had long outgrown her, so having a more mature-looking young girl looking down at her and calling her “mama” never got any easier to swallow.
However, Vita grinned and ruffled the taller girl’s hair. The mellowed expression of utter bliss in Vivio’s face made utterly clear just how the child in this relationship was.
“Nya~ha~ha~”
“Hmph.” Indeed, the smile on Vita’s face had the air of an adult’s subdued happiness. “How’ve you been, little one?”
“Um! Awesome!” Vivio eagerly replied. This girl would not use terms such as “just fine” or even “great”. Emiya Vivio only allowed herself to live awesome days. “I’ll tell ya all about it!”
“Good.” While Vivio’s arms still clung to her waist, Vita turned her attention to the other girl present, standing respectfully by Vivio’s father’s side. Einhard Stratos, as usual, carried herself with a subdued atmosphere and exuded the femininity of a Yamato Nadeshiko.
“Yo, Hegemon. Looking as beta as ever.”
“Can’t you try using nicer words for a change!?” The prompt retort from the one and only Emiya Shirou.
“Ha-haa…” To Einhard Stratos, Yagami Vita was a very difficult person to deal with. Every time she opened her mouth Einhard found herself admiring Emiya Shirou more and more. Just how could that man deal with that woman and her goddaughter on a regular basis? Einhard herself already had her hands full keeping up with Vivio’s recklessness every day.
“So, what would the plan for today be…?”
Einhard had no particular attachment to her own home. It was at most “a place to sleep in”. Therefore, spending her free time in the company of the Emiya family was the usual for her. Aside from the fact that, shenanigans aside, she truly cared for her best friend Vivio, this provided the enviable opportunity of learning magical combat from two experts of uniqueness without equal.
“Well, I dunno about you guys, but I’m starving!” Vita said. “So our first stop has to be Shirou’s kitchen!”
“Not necessary,” Shirou declared while holding up a basket for Vita to notice. Like a well-trained dog, the small knight’s mouth promptly watered as it readied itself to digest food.
“Oi, Shirou. When did you become so thoughtful?” Vita chided in a subtly embarrassed tone.
“Nah, you are just too predictable, Vita-san.”
A part of her told her she should be at least a little angry about this, but the rest told that part to go screw itself. Food!
“Awesome. So we can take the long route and eat on the way!”
“On the way to where, exactly?” Shirou asked with some trepidation, and Vita’s huge grin did not exactly help matters.
“To the happiest place in the world!”
Shirou and Einhard twitched. Vivio’s smile could have powered a small country.
The man made of swords and the Hegemon from Ancient Belka glanced at each for one moment of shared pain, and then sighed together.
Truly, a finer match you’d be hard pressed to find.
*********************
Vita outstretched her arms widely to the sides, as if welcoming an old friend with a firm embrace. It should be a weird thing to do in the middle of a street, but in this of old places the most she got were amused glances from other passersby.
“Aaaaakiiiiihaaaaabaaaaaaraaaaaaaa!!!!!”
“Gema!” Vivio shouted just as excitedly as her godmother.
“Akihabara!”
“Gema!”
“What’s…with those two…?” Einhard muttered.
“You should be used to this by now…” Shirou pointed out before stepping ahead to address the overenthusiastic girls. “So, where to go first?” He asked, although he probably already knew the answer.
Indeed, the Countess of the Iron Hammer and the Saint Kaiser looked up at him with identical grins full of amusement and decisiveness.
“Gamers!”
Shirou chuckled and shook his head.
“Why do you like that shop so much…?”
Vita looked up at the distant autumn sky with the venerable gaze of an ancient sage.
“While working in that store, I fought to save the world.”
“A battle story!?”
Vita closed her eyes, and her poise carried an austerity that did not match her childlike appearance.
“…in another life.”
“Metempsychosis!?”
It’s nothing that amazing, Shirou-san.
In any case, it only took some minutes for the “mother-daughter” duo to barrel their way into a rather crowded shop. Crowded with customers and crowded with products. As usual, Shirou and Einhard stood rather dumbly at the entrance, stumped by the sheer quantity of manga, anime and games, both commercial and doujinshi. To those two, these things were “things their friends enjoyed”, not “things they found enjoyment in”. Hence, the best they could do was watching their beloved ones with a smile.
“Come on, mama! I want to check out the trailer of ‘There’s No Way My Little Sisters Can Combine into a Giant Robot’!”
“Screw that! I want to play ‘Genocider 3: Blood Orgy of the Gutrippers’!”
Vivio’s pupils shone with a dangerous glimmer, as mother and daughter exchanged identically feral grins.
“Director’s Cut!!! Ni-shi-shi~”
Like accomplices in a prank, Vivio and Vita chuckled gleefully and hunched closer together.
“And most important of all…”
Of course, it had to be the next generation device, and the first game that intended to fully exploit its capabilities.
“S! A! O!”
Two laughing girls that looked more like cheerful classmates rather than godmother and daughter rushed into the depths of the store, leaving two more people behind and forgotten.
“…what are you thinking, Einhard?”
An adult man and a young teenager wore identical flat faces.
“…Japan…is a rather amazing place, isn’t it…?”
Shirou sighed, but he felt a little happy. It was not proper, but he left his hand rest on the girl’s head and stroke it a little.
“…you are too kind, Einhard.”
‘Amazing’ was definitely not the word he would have used.
As for Einhard, she quietly accepted the praise with slightly flushed cheeks.
*********************
“Papa!”
“No means no, Vivio.”
“Muuuuu…papaaaaa~”
“Saying it differently won’t help you, really.”
It had been the constant since the very day Chrono announced Team Awesome would play “Sword Art Online” at the release date. No matter what, Shirou was intent on not allowing his daughter to disobey SAO’s age rating.
It was rather strange, Vita and the others’ interest in that game. For all its qualities, there were superior forms of gaming available in Mid-Childa. Even Raising Heart and every other Intelligent Device could create a virtual environment in no way inferior to the Nerve Gear. It was Yuuno who offered further insight into Chrono’s intent.
“Sure, we’ll go all out and have a blast, but…aside from that…Chrono—no, Admiral Harlaown and I have a professional interest in evaluating the extent of Nerve Gear’s technology, and the potential dangers we see in it.”
Chrono Harlaown saw a frightening potential lurking within Kayaba Akihiko’s invention. The moment that device was revealed to the world, the realization of that nightmarish scenario no longer became a possibility, but a matter of “when”, for that was simply the nature of humans. So, Chrono wanted to experience the full extent of Nerve Gear’s current capabilities, and with that knowledge make an estimate of when, and in what way, TSAB should intervene for the sake of mankind’s future.
It was a game, but, for Team Awesome, it would also be a “mission”.
There was no way they were bringing Vivio along.
Vivio switched strategies.
“Mamaaaaa~”
Vita chuckled and rested the back of her head on her hands.
“No can do, little one. Your father has spoken, and when it comes to ya he’s got the last word.”
Vita knew her place. Regardless of Vivio’s feelings towards her and Vita’s own, she was still “just a godmother”.
“Muu…” But Vivio would not accept defeat that easily. “Einhard-chwaaaan~” She whined, clinging to Einhard’s right arm in a way the girl was already accustomed to.
“I do not see how you expect me to make a difference,” the twin-tailed girl retorted. “Also, I’m older than you.”
“Convince Papa for me, will ya~?”
“And how does Vivio-san expect me to do that?”
“With your body.”
“…forget Claus-san and Olivie-san; I will break you.”
You’re going Out-Of-Character, Einhard-san.
“So…” Shirou intervened, just pretending the last part of that conversation never happened. “Where are we going now?”
“I’m hungry!” Vita announced cheerfully.
“You just ate less than two hours ago!”
“I’m thirsty!”
“There’s a water bottle in your right hand! I bought it for you five minutes ago!”
“…I’m hungry!”
“You already know to which café you want to go, don’t you!?”
“Iyaaan~” Vita placed her hands on her cheeks and acted like an embarrassed maiden. “Shirou, you already know me so well~”
“I really, really want to, but, please, somebody hit this person for me!”
“Mah, whatever!” Vita dismissed the zaniness of the past few seconds. “Today we’ve prepared a new experience for Einhard-chan here! Look forward to it, wahahahahaha!”
As the godmother-daughter duo departed to their next destination of the afternoon, the guy in charge of carrying the bags watched their backs with a mixture of tiredness and despair. Einhard Stratos walked the few steps that allowed her to stand by his side.
“Ne, Mister Shirou…”
“Hmm?”
“Is it strange that I suddenly fear for my virtue?”
“…not at all, Einhard. Not in the slightest.”
He wanted to pat her head again, but his hands were full.
“…Mister Shirou.”
“Hmm?”
The girl looked at the concrete below with a bashful expression while fiddling with her thumbs.
“…if I make it through today in one piece…”
When she looked up at Shirou with moist eyes and cheeks flushed a lovely pink, Shirou had to admit this girl was truly beautiful.
“…would you go back with me to the countryside…and marry me?”
However, Shirou had spent his teenage years in the company of the ultimate existence of eros; an avatar of walking corruption capable of conjuring the lust of men at the ripe age of nine.
This would never be enough to sway him.
“…that’s one hell of a death flag you made up for yourself there, Einhard.”
*********************
“I…really should have seen this coming,” Shirou said. He sounded disappointed in himself.
There’s no need for frivolous wording: they were inside a maid café.
At the moment, Shirou and Vita were alone. While a number of young ladies dressed in multiple variation of the ever-popular maid uniform, not one of them would approach to take their order.
It was not Shirou’s first time in a maid café, weird as it may sound. It was far from his first, second, or even tenth time in Akihabara, so he had already lost his maid café virginity years ago. He did not have a particular opinion of them in either direction, but they were not a place he would consider visiting on his own initiative.
“Papaaaaaa~ah! No, wait, that’s wrong!”
They emerged from the back of the establishment: a cheerful, energetic maid…and a blushing wreck. Naturally, the appearance of two schoolgirls in maid uniforms caught the attention of every single soul there, and Shirou held back the urge to facepalm when the café exploded in loud cheers and clapping.
Of course, Emiya Shirou firmly believed that his daughter was the cutest girl in existence, so there had never been any doubt in his mind that a maid uniform would suit her. He was not sure about letting her wear one, but Vita convinced him to let Vivio have her harmless fun.
Good job, Vita!
However, Shirou had to admit this time he was more drawn to the taller figure standing behind Vivio, doing her best to conceal herself in spite of the fact that she was being watched from every direction. Staring at the twin-tailed beauty that whined adorably while trying to pull down a skirt that was admittedly too short, Shirou frowned and rested his chin on his right hand as if he were thinking really hard…
“Ugh, what is this déjà vu-like feeling…?”
“Oooh~” Vita grinned as excitedly as ever. “Has Shirou finally discovered the charm of maids…?”
“Nah, nah, that Hayate showed me years ago,” the man admitted. “Remember? That time Fate…”
Vita’s grin spread millimetrically wider.
“Ah, that’s it…” Shirou realized, nodding at the realization that Vita was leading him to that answer.
“You overlapped your memory of Fate on what you’re seeing right now.”
Shirou slumped on the table, feeling defeated for some reason.
“Guilty as charged.”
“Mouuuuu!” Vivio planted her hands on her hips and leaned forward to express her anger. “Pay attention to me, Papa!”
“Ah, yes, yes, very cute, very cute~”
“Muuu, that’s not enough to make me happy at—aaaah, hehehehe~” Vivio complaint found its death when Shirou planted a hand on her head and tenderly rubbed her fair hair.
“And Einhard!” Vita called out, and the other young girl doing cosplay that day jumped like a frightened animal.
“Eh, yes!?” She said, upon realizing that she was supposed to be a maid. “Ah, no, um…how, how can be of service to you!?” The squeaking girl hid her face by presenting herself to the two adults on the table with a deep bow.
Fifteen-years-old Einhard Stratos has already grown to the point that there is little difference between her normal appearance and her “Adult Form”. She will probably discard that spell before her sixteenth birthday. This is why Emiya Shirou realized that the act of bowing while wearing that frilly and revealing maid costume was unbelievably bold and dangerous!
Aware of the ways of perverts everywhere in the universe, he found himself darting glaring eyes around, looking for inappropriate cameras pointing in inappropriate angles.
“Man, Einhard…” Vita shook her head, looking almost disgusted while shamelessly staring at the Hegemon’s cleavage. “You’re truly reached the highest level of eros, huh…”
Einhard Stratos is a sensitive girl. If you say something like that to her, she will become an avatar of redness, blood flushing her skin from her cheeks to her shoulders.
“E-Eros!?”
“We call it Fate-Class.”
“Eeeeeeeehhhh—uwah!” Einhard found herself in Vivio’s clutches. The younger girl had deeply invaded Einhard’s personal space, and the strange glint in her eyes made Einhard wish for a chance to run away.
“I know right!? Einhard-san is amazing! Seriously, this is too cute!”
“Wa-wa-wah—Vi-Vivio, where are you touching—”
“Really, an angel? Einhard-san, are you an angel?” Vivio drew her nostrils closer. “Kun-kun, kun-kun…ne, Einhard-san, can I smell you!?”
“Don’t ask for permission after the fact!”
“Kyaaaaah~seriously cute~!” Vivio continued her shameless squealing and rubbing and sniffing.
“Lovely my angel, Einhard-tan!”
“For some reason I really wish I had a knife right now!” The heiress of Hegemon shouted back with far more energy than was common for her. “And stop yelling nonsense in English! I’ll call the police!”
“Ne, Vita…”
“Hmm?” Vita turned her eyes away from the scene of live lesbian sexual harassment to meet Shirou’s depressed expression.
“Why is it that my daughter is only cute until she opens her mouth?”
“I’ve wondered myself; who the hell taught her to be so unhinged? It’s really unsightly—gubagh!”
A salt shaker bounced off Vita’s forehead.
“Don’t talk like it’s not your fault, idiot!”
********************************
End of First Part
Originally Posted by harouki
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