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Thread: Random Thoughts Thread

  1. #200721
    Days active since last arbitrary ban: Lost count and hope it stays that way Deathhappens's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by purple_teardrops View Post
    The thing is that all that's happening points to a situation with no resolutions in sight: although i have made some progress in trying to get in contact with people willing to try to get me out of the brainwash facility i'm currently locked in, i'm still locked in here, and in case those people fail to get me out, i don't think anybody intends to get me out. This essentially means an unknown length of time in this private-owned jail, with no lawyers, in case the people i know fail to somehow set me free.

    I've been trying to keep myself isolated and alone, mostly because most people are abusive, here. The kindest person is a rather sad narcissist, who seems to try to 'pleasantly' manipulate me to one's own goals, ironically because, i presume, one feels how sweet i am. Still, the only reasons i have for living resumes itself to my wait for freedom... The fact is, though, that i doubt that i'll be set free in less than one year, not to mention that the local staff will probably try to get me legally branded as insane, in order for somebody to get one's hands on my cash.

    This isn't life.

    I've decided to simply end it all, should my hopes implode. I've been suffering a lot as of late, and the only reason i'm still able to wake up is that a few people decided to help me... Wasn't it so, i would have killed myself a long time ago.

    Life's lost its meaning. And besides, given that i do remember some of my past lives, i'm not truly concerned that my existence will end. I just want to stop suffering, and perhaps be able to lie down on a gentle person's lap, with a huge pot cigarette in hand. I have one chance of being saved...
    Should it fail, well... Death is always an alternative. Better to die than to rot is this disgusting private-owned jail and brainwash facility...

    Should we approach my current favorite subject of archetypes, i remember when i used to melt away when thinking about actually finally crumbling down under the care of someone else... I simply don't dream about that anymore, although i know that's what a i want behind the scar tissue... Funny, i can't even believe in love, anymore, in a way....

    Guess my dreams were shattered. No reason to continue dreaming this world..
    I'm going to quote Dumas here in a line that, ironically, has come to prominence (aka, as Dullahan would put it, #trending on #twitter) of late via none other than Fate: Wait, and Hope. Fac et Spera, written in Latin as the closing line. Even as the Count of Monte Cristo endured hell in L'Isle d'If, everyone goes through their own trials in life. I'm not going to sugar it; life largely sucks, there's always bills to pay, people are annoying and noisy, you can never quite find that thing you wanted and if you do it turns out it's not quite as good as you envisioned it...

    Happiness exists in the gaps. The joke that coworker said that was dumb but dang, it got a laugh out of you, somehow. Cold water on a hot summer day. A teensy tiny surge of personal success when you finally manage some annoying task that gave you trouble perfectly. Don't wait for that prince on the white horse or the mysterious millionaire to come along and sweep your problems away: the horse was stopped at Customs, and the IRS took a sudden interest in the millionaire's tax reports. Carve out your own little bit of happiness, day in and day out.

    (Yeah, another reason I don't want to debate it is that I inevitably end up sounding like a cross between a therapist and a toothpaste ad).
    Last edited by Deathhappens; April 16th, 2019 at 12:42 AM.
    Quote Originally Posted by I3uster View Post
    It's like with centaur girls, you're fucking a horse. Sure the human part is the one that moans but your dick is in the horse, no way around it.
    Quote Originally Posted by You View Post
    boytoy angst > fulfilling life of misanthropic extremist environmentalism
    Once and always and nevermore.

  2. #200722

  3. #200723
    屍食鬼 Ghoul purple_teardrops's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Deathhappens View Post
    Happiness exists in the gaps. The joke that coworker said that was dumb but dang, it got a laugh out of you, somehow. Cold water on a hot summer day. A teensy tiny surge of personal success when you finally manage some annoying task that gave you trouble perfectly. Don't wait for that prince on the white horse or the mysterious millionaire to come along and sweep your problems away: the horse was stopped at Customs, and the IRS took a sudden interest in the millionaire's tax reports. Carve out your own little bit of happiness, day in and day out.
    Well, then, consider that reality might adapt somewhat to what the majority of people are willing to do, perhaps because the majority of people might as well be doing something like "casting the spell named reality"... Let's presume this has to do with the Grail proposed in Persona 5 Animation (and game, though i haven't played it)... Considering that our lives are mostly ruled by ebbs ands flows that seem related to economy, wouldn't life just suck because most people are actually willing to throw their lives and happiness away for mere crumbs of bread?

    Unless the economical tides and waves of life change through less people accepting the abuse, i guess the abuse won't stop coming. Most people here are willing to accept the abuse of being locked down. I accepted the abuse last time it was done (spent 14 months in a private prison disguised as a rehab facility), kept thinking about killing myself every day... And here i am, once more incarcerated again, though under slightly better conditions; whomever locked me here likely knew that i was considering suicide before.

    I remember realizing that a given legal dissociative drug could somehow deprive me of the feeling of asphyxiation... Disappearing under a river like Virgina Woolf might have been a good idea...

    In the end, either someone saves me or i'm putting an end to this. Besides, death shall be my own way of protesting, and should a dead body get found in here, i think i can shut down the entire facility. Can't say i'm happy about sacrificing myself, but at least i'll have left this body behind... Wonder if a given rose wouldn't mind shaving off her spikes to allow me to lie down on the lap of her stem, so that i could cry all the sorrows of my life...
    Last edited by purple_teardrops; April 16th, 2019 at 05:53 AM.
    "...when the last moon is cast over the last over the last star of morning
    and the future is past without even the last desperate warning..."

    How fake could a palace be? How true could a palace be? 'Which is more fake, the real fake or the fake real?'

  4. #200724
    One more corpse won't change a thing, there's no sacrifice here

    You only can hope to save yourself, the world will not

    And here I hoped this at least had potential to open eyes
    Alas

  5. #200725
    Days active since last arbitrary ban: Lost count and hope it stays that way Deathhappens's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by purple_teardrops View Post
    Well, then, consider that reality might adapt somewhat to what the majority of people are willing to do, perhaps because the majority of people might as well be doing something like "casting the spell named reality"... Let's presume this has to do with the Grail proposed in Persona 5 Animation (and game, though i haven't played it)... Considering that our lives are mostly ruled by ebbs ands flows that seem related to economy, wouldn't life just suck because most people are actually willing to throw their lives and happiness away for mere crumbs of bread?

    Unless the economical tides and waves of life change through less people accepting the abuse, i guess the abuse won't stop coming. Most people here are willing to accept the abuse of being locked down. I accepted the abuse last time it was done (spent 14 months in a private prison disguised as a rehab facility), kept thinking about killing myself every day... And here i am, once more incarcerated again, though under slightly better conditions; whomever locked me here likely knew that i was considering suicide before.

    I remember realizing that a given legal dissociative drug could somehow deprive me of the feeling of asphyxiation... Disappearing under a river like Virgina Woolf might have been a good idea...

    In the end, either someone saves me or i'm putting an end to this. Besides, death shall be my own way of protesting, and should a dead body get found in here, i think i can shut down the entire facility. Can't say i'm happy about sacrificing myself, but at least i'll have left this body behind... Wonder if a given rose wouldn't mind shaving off her spikes to allow me to lie down on the lap of her stem, so that i could cry all the sorrows of my life...
    Again, to be blunt: That's just being a brat. "Either life goes my way or I quit". You know you don't really want to die, or you wouldn't be discussing so earnestly with strangers, looking for an excuse not to go through with it. To quote Chris Avellone this time: "Endure. In enduring, grow strong". If life gives you lemons, don't just take them, demand to see life's manager! BURN LIFE'S HOUSE DOWN! WITH THE LEMONS!





    oddly appropriate song I was just listening to
    Quote Originally Posted by I3uster View Post
    It's like with centaur girls, you're fucking a horse. Sure the human part is the one that moans but your dick is in the horse, no way around it.
    Quote Originally Posted by You View Post
    boytoy angst > fulfilling life of misanthropic extremist environmentalism
    Once and always and nevermore.

  6. #200726
    Torment and Portal 2 quoted in the same post. A man after my own heart.
    Quote Originally Posted by Rafflesiac View Post
    tfw no Fate/One
    Sauce for avatar

  7. #200727
    屍食鬼 Ghoul purple_teardrops's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Deathhappens View Post
    ...

    >Again, to be blunt: That's just being a brat.

    I appreciate the compliment, although i'm sure that's not what you intended with what you wrote.
    What i mean is that especially given that 'brat' can mean both spoiled and child, i'll take the latter, especially considering that even according to my scientific research, being an adult currently seems to stand for somebody who is completely psychologically mutilated and unable to truly synchronize with one's own inner self; adults reject their own selves, adults reject the ability to feel pain (or to feel at all), and in doing so, end up existing as incomplete and mutilated beings. As an example of this, adults will rarely cry, especially so when with no intent or purpose other than displaying what they feel. Adults, well... Rarely display what they feel, even to themselves. Given this context, i'd rather remain a brat... I don't wanna be an emotionless meatbot.

    What you've written sorta makes me wonder whether your inner child (you know, the person who you were [and still are, although you likely heavily repress that facet] before you built a psychological palace/labyrinth to keep that child/true self from showing up) isn't crying an ocean and drowing within their own tears, suffering a lot since they* dies but continues to exist in the pain of death, and basically can't come out, and be what they truly is, nor do as they truly wishes to.
    *they = agendered reference, he/she in a single syllable

    I'm not looking for an excuse not to kill myself, i might add. I'm just expressing what i truly feel... With no intents or purposes. I'm just being. I do admit that i'd be interesting to find someone willing to try to rescue me from the dungeon i'm trapped in, but uh, the only thing that's being fought against is my own desire to put an end to this. I'm not sure what to think on this, but i think this is somewhat relevant. Besides, talking about one's sorrows is important, all in all.

    Other than this, i'm sorry, but i think this whole "endure" thing isn't healthy at all. It feels more like what you're saying might be described as an attempt to convince someone that suffering in silence is a good thing, although it might be pure masochism. The "grow strong" part sounds more like trying to link the idea of strength with what might be described as a type of self-censorship, so that someone takes remaining in silence while in pain as something good, due to a type of self-rewarding, self-deceiving mental routine. This doesn't feel like getting strong, this feels more like being too weak to raise one's voice to say what one truly feels, and convincing one's own self that such weakness is strength.

    All in all, this reminds me of the movie Camp X-Ray, where in order to reinforce the idea that someone's life doesn't belong to one's own self, the female protagonist went as far as asking the prisoner not to commit suicide, when all the life prospect the guy had was remaining locked up for decades in jail. You know, the whole thing about closing the piece with the morals of the day, immoral as they might be.

    I have to say that while the effort might (emphasis on the might part) be well intentioned, uh, wouldn't it be somewhat better to try to look for a solution to my problem rather than try to gag me?

    Quote Originally Posted by Zurvan View Post
    ...
    Killing myself means saving myself in case no other option is available. I'm somewhat astonished as to how most people fail to realize that being kept in a funny farm with a computer and internet access isn't enough for a living... Well, it's sorta tolerable, although mostly i think that it's being tolerable because suicide ( in this case, more like self-applied euthanasia, really) is available and a metaphorical white knight might have shown up in another media, with lawyers along with them, so i guess i'm waiting with a bit of hope. It's different from being stuck, though.
    Last edited by purple_teardrops; April 16th, 2019 at 03:56 PM.
    "...when the last moon is cast over the last over the last star of morning
    and the future is past without even the last desperate warning..."

    How fake could a palace be? How true could a palace be? 'Which is more fake, the real fake or the fake real?'

  8. #200728
    Days active since last arbitrary ban: Lost count and hope it stays that way Deathhappens's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by purple_teardrops View Post

    >Again, to be blunt: That's just being a brat.

    I appreciate the compliment, although i'm sure that's not what you intended with what you wrote.
    What i mean is that especially given that 'brat' can mean both spoiled and child, i'll take the latter, especially considering that even according to my scientific research, being an adult currently seems to stand for somebody who is completely psychologically mutilated and unable to truly synchronize with one's own inner self; adults reject their own selves, adults reject the ability to feel pain (or to feel at all), and in doing so, end up existing as incomplete and mutilated beings. As an example of this, adults will rarely cry, especially so when with no intent or purpose other than displaying what they feel. Adults, well... Rarely display what they feel, even to themselves. Given this context, i'd rather remain a brat... I don't wanna be an emotionless meatbot.

    What you've written sorta makes me wonder whether your inner child (you know, the person who you were [and still are, although you likely heavily repress that facet] before you built a psychological palace/labyrinth to keep that child/true self from showing up) isn't crying an ocean and drowing within their own tears, suffering a lot since they* dies but continues to exist in the pain of death, and basically can't come out, and be what they truly is, nor do as they truly wishes to.
    *they = agendered reference, he/she in a single syllable

    I'm not looking for an excuse not to kill myself, i might add. I'm just expressing what i truly feel... With no intents or purposes. I'm just being. I do admit that i'd be interesting to find someone willing to try to rescue me from the dungeon i'm trapped in, but uh, the only thing that's being fought against is my own desire to put an end to this. I'm not sure what to think on this, but i think this is somewhat relevant. Besides, talking about one's sorrows is important, all in all.

    Other than this, i'm sorry, but i think this whole "endure" thing isn't healthy at all. It feels more like what you're saying might be described as an attempt to convince someone that suffering in silence is a good thing, although it might be pure masochism. The "grow strong" part sounds more like trying to link the idea of strength with what might be described as a type of self-censorship, so that someone takes remaining in silence while in pain as something good, due to a type of self-rewarding, self-deceiving mental routine. This doesn't feel like getting strong, this feels more like being too weak to raise one's voice to say what one truly feels, and convincing one's own self that such weakness is strength.

    All in all, this reminds me of the movie Camp X-Ray, where in order to reinforce the idea that someone's life doesn't belong to one's own self, the female protagonist went as far as asking the prisoner not to commit suicide, when all the life prospect the guy had was remaining locked up for decades in jail. You know, the whole thing about closing the piece with the morals of the day, immoral as they might be.

    I have to say that while the effort might (emphasis on the might part) be well intentioned, uh, wouldn't it be somewhat better to try to look for a solution to my problem rather than try to gag me?


    Killing myself means saving myself in case no other option is available. I'm somewhat astonished as to how most people fail to realize that being kept in a funny farm with a computer and internet access isn't enough for a living... Well, it's sorta tolerable, although mostly i think that it's being tolerable because suicide ( in this case, more like self-applied euthanasia, really) is available and a metaphorical white knight might have shown up in another media, with lawyers along with them, so i guess i'm waiting with a bit of hope. It's different from being stuck, though.

    Well, if you're this invested in rejecting what is in favor of what (in your view) should be, the only other advice I can give is: become an artist of some stripe. You already have a vivid imagination and a penchant for purple prose, pardon the pun, figure out a way to sell them to others as "eccentricity" rather than "futile escapism" and make some money on the side. The great wheels of Society will turn with you on board the train as well as under it; the only one affected will be you. You will not be who you want to be, do what you want to do, feel what you want to feel; from prince to pauper, that priviledge belongs to no-one. But you DO have the freedom, and the power, to make your own "good enough".
    Quote Originally Posted by I3uster View Post
    It's like with centaur girls, you're fucking a horse. Sure the human part is the one that moans but your dick is in the horse, no way around it.
    Quote Originally Posted by You View Post
    boytoy angst > fulfilling life of misanthropic extremist environmentalism
    Once and always and nevermore.

  9. #200729
    屍食鬼 Ghoul purple_teardrops's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Deathhappens View Post
    (...) But you DO have the freedom, and the power, to make your own "good enough".
    I think i should mention that my family has illegaly placed me within a literal funny farm. I'm currently imprisoned within a drug rehab facility for smoking pot. Even though they're allowing me to use a computer and granting me internet access, i truly can't leave this hellhole. To make matters worse, i think they're trying to somehow label me as a crazy person who can't take care of myself, in order to effectively turn me into their puppet.

    So uh, no freedom in this situation. Quite the contrary... I think all the freedom i got is the freedom to cry out for help here in cyberspace.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Cheesus Thrist... I love f/ELE's Alice with all my heart, but considering that the f/Es' moon cell is something of an electronic simulation of reality, i think i just realized how much my appreciation for the character feels like a giant irony.
    "...when the last moon is cast over the last over the last star of morning
    and the future is past without even the last desperate warning..."

    How fake could a palace be? How true could a palace be? 'Which is more fake, the real fake or the fake real?'

  10. #200730
    Taiga's knight Tobias's Avatar
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    Man.

    even when I’m off work I still hear people blatantly misuse the word illegally to refer to an involuntary stay at the psych ward.

    just be glad you aren’t at my hospital kiddo. You would be one to one with someone literally watching you pee.
    Quote Originally Posted by Bird of Hermes View Post
    The moment the opportunity arises for a pun, the one known as 'Taiga's Knight' will be there to deliver whether you like it or not.

  11. #200731
    Spoiler:
    Spoiler:
    Quote Originally Posted by Shrapnel View Post
    Bob the Builder's evil twin.
    Spoiler:
    Quote Originally Posted by Imperial View Post
    HF felt like Nasu holding up a megaphone and screaming, "LOOK AT HOW SAD THIS IS! ISN'T IT SAD? YOU SHOULD FEEL SAD!"


    Spoiler:
    Quote Originally Posted by Altaris View Post
    > Einzbern

    > Making smart decisions


    Pick one


    Spoiler:
    Quote Originally Posted by You View Post
    Palingenesis just sounds like we're creating Sarah Palin.


    Spoiler:
    Quote Originally Posted by Leftovers View Post
    >tfw you betray your ideals to get some


    Spoiler:
    Quote Originally Posted by Mizukume View Post
    In short, Japan's syncretism BS striked again.




  12. #200732
    Quote Originally Posted by Zurvan View Post
    I want a new avatar
    Smug is love

  13. #200733
    Dead Apostle Eater Historia's Avatar
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    whats new in grand order anyway

  14. #200734
    Days active since last arbitrary ban: Lost count and hope it stays that way Deathhappens's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zurvan View Post
    Smug is love
    Nice, but Kirei was more Zurvan.

    ...It be stormin' outside.
    Quote Originally Posted by I3uster View Post
    It's like with centaur girls, you're fucking a horse. Sure the human part is the one that moans but your dick is in the horse, no way around it.
    Quote Originally Posted by You View Post
    boytoy angst > fulfilling life of misanthropic extremist environmentalism
    Once and always and nevermore.

  15. #200735
    If I had a similar smug face template of kirei, he'd be it
    But I didnt see one

    Plus Scathy has been a go-to avatar since I started here

  16. #200736
    Dead Apostle Eater Historia's Avatar
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    i don't have a go-to avatar


  17. #200737
    屍食鬼 Ghoul purple_teardrops's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tobias View Post
    Man.

    even when I’m off work I still hear people blatantly misuse the word illegally to refer to an involuntary stay at the psych ward.

    just be glad you aren’t at my hospital kiddo. You would be one to one with someone literally watching you pee.
    I think this is the point where this conversation ends, due to reasons i'd rather not comment on. Other than this, i presume this is pointless, but please, i ask you to take into consideration the way this type of 'treatment' is making me feel when dealing with those locked within the prison you work on.
    "...when the last moon is cast over the last over the last star of morning
    and the future is past without even the last desperate warning..."

    How fake could a palace be? How true could a palace be? 'Which is more fake, the real fake or the fake real?'

  18. #200738
    Taiga's knight Tobias's Avatar
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    Make less poor decisions, have more abilities to make your own choices.

    the psych ward ain’t hard.
    Quote Originally Posted by Bird of Hermes View Post
    The moment the opportunity arises for a pun, the one known as 'Taiga's Knight' will be there to deliver whether you like it or not.

  19. #200739
    and Tylwyth, tw Walnut Sparks's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Laserman View Post
    I don't think that's quite it...
    I found out long ago
    It's a long way down Avalon Road


  20. #200740
    Quote Originally Posted by Zurvan View Post
    Compared to the original group, Korra and her friends are far less fun to watch, and honestly Korra isn't a good person, nor does she really change throughout the story.
    The villains either start interesting, and then end up being terrible, or are terrible from start to finish.
    It handles its characters and the previous show and its characters rather strangely, Tenzin (Aang's son) is wasted for most of the show, only really having some significance when the airbenders return because, well, spirit magic xd.
    Aang, the previous avatar and an air prodigy, mastered air bending when he was twelve. Korra... controls all but air when she's first shown... as a 4 year old...
    Even the setting feels weird since its hardly used for anything regarding the story. The statue is weird, it feels like fan service, and Aang isn't really the type to let a statue be constructed.
    You know who had giant statues made of himself, the Firelord, the original series antagonist

    I could go on about this for far longer than I'd like, but I won't, the second series feels very inferior, and the original series is better if you don't watch it, imo
    She mastered 3 elements at 4? What the heck? I can see where you're coming from with the statue though. I just really loved the show, and him and the rest of the group.
    Last edited by Laserman; Today at 01:07 AM.
    Spoiler:
    Spoiler:
    Quote Originally Posted by Shrapnel View Post
    Bob the Builder's evil twin.
    Spoiler:
    Quote Originally Posted by Imperial View Post
    HF felt like Nasu holding up a megaphone and screaming, "LOOK AT HOW SAD THIS IS! ISN'T IT SAD? YOU SHOULD FEEL SAD!"


    Spoiler:
    Quote Originally Posted by Altaris View Post
    > Einzbern

    > Making smart decisions


    Pick one


    Spoiler:
    Quote Originally Posted by You View Post
    Palingenesis just sounds like we're creating Sarah Palin.


    Spoiler:
    Quote Originally Posted by Leftovers View Post
    >tfw you betray your ideals to get some


    Spoiler:
    Quote Originally Posted by Mizukume View Post
    In short, Japan's syncretism BS striked again.




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