Twelve Days of Yule

[Seika]

The first was obviously the Little Matchgirl. The second ... I'll know it when someone else actually brings up the title, but can't get it right now.

[gwonbush]

Steadfast Tin Soldier.

[Kelnish]

The second was Nobody's Story? Maybe? I'm probably off on that. Totally wrong. I'll be the one in the dunce cap crying in the corner.

[Grant]

Fish-Bait-Store? Wow, Rin's got a capital B in witchcraft here.

[Seika]

Steadfast Tin Soldier.

Ah! That's the one.

[Elf]

First story was based off Hans Christian Anderson's "Little Match Girl" (Which had more of a grim dark ending).

Second story I have no idea.

[RadiantBeam]

The first was obviously the Little Matchgirl.

Oh my God, fuck that story.

[gwonbush]

It was written by Hans Christian Anderson. What kind of an ending did you expect?

[RacingeR]

The first story did make me nostalgic.

I read it when I was a little kid, and my mother went all "kids shouldn't read these kind of things".

... Although I am pretty sure I was already reading the Lord of the Rings by that time.

[Verg Avesta]

As grimdark as those stories are, they give ample opportunity to make fun of Type-Moon characters.

[Grant]

And really, can we think of any other character who would meet such an end as Lancer? Lancer's practically the Russian of the group. He suffers the most. It's how the universe compensated for Gae Bulg.

[Verg Avesta]

Twelve Days of Yule

“Well, now that we are all here, how about some games? I knew I stuffed some board-games back in the closet. Risk, and the like…”

Because of Irisviel’s words, several Servants suddenly perked up, and glanced at the aforementioned closet with gleam in their eyes. Ilya looked at this scene with a deadpan expression, especially how the effect of the announcement seemed to have more effect on those individuals that had most power in life.

“Is that not the game where we fight for the dominance of the world…?” Saber asked, stroking her chin. “To expand Britain and take hold of the Rome like we should have had…”

“Hmh, like that’d ever happen,” Semiramis said and snorted. “Assyria would be the one prevailing over them, obviously.”

The ensuing glare-contest between the two female Servants was cut short by a refreshing giggle of a certain green-haired youth.

“Allow me to doubt that. Considering armies and what-not, it is clear that Israel would be the one gaining total dominance. There’s no doubt about that,” David said and shrugged. “After all, it would be decreed by the God.”

“We had that too, you know,” Saber smirked at the youth. “We’ve got grail, after all. It would imply that we were more chosen.”

“Remind me again if you ever happened to find that oh-so-important-cup,” David said and raised his eyebrows. “It would appear that you did not choose wisely.”

“Of the love or hatred God has for the English and the Israelis, I know nothing, but I do know that they will be all overthrown by France when it comes to a game of Risk!” Joan of Arc declared, and took a valiant stand while presenting the said board-game high above her head.

“…”

Siegfried was also quick on the move, as with a single sweep of Balmung, he cleared the assorted decorations off the table of the living room, making room for the game. He eyed the rivaling Servants up and down in an analyzing matter, before sighing as if amused.

“…” the silver-haired Servant shook his head.

“You want to go, dragon-boy?” Karna asked coldly and stuck his forehead against Siegfried’s, both of them narrowing their eyes. “I’ve got a god-killing projectile here with your ass’s name on it.”

“That is quite enough, boys and girls.”

Suddenly, a terrible, ice-cold aura of threat swept over the living room, freezing every arguing Servant on their place. They gazed in horror as Irisviel cracked her knuckles and put down the mistletoe she had been holding. Instead, she grabbed a bigger one, one that resembled quite much a whip made for vampire-slaying. There was a smile on the homunculus’ face, but that if anything scared the Heroic Spirits.

“If you are not playing nicely, you will not play at all. Do you understand?” Irisviel cocked her eyebrow, and Saber swore she saw flames behind the white-haired woman.

“Yes! Yes ma’am!” came the yell of unison from the Servants.

With that bit of warning, the now-meek Servant settled around the table, and started setting up the game while occasionally throwing a fearful glance towards mistress of the house. It seemed that no matter their power, none of the heroes wanted to go up against Irisviel who was determined to make this Christmas as perfect as it could be.

“Wow. Mom sure knows how to handle those delinquents,” Ilya commented from the lap of her father. “Is that how she keeps you in check, despite Maia-san and other mature women always hanging around you?”

“Ahaha, Ilya-chan, let’s not talk about that right now, shall we…?” Kiritsugu quickly went to save the situation, feeling the stare of his wife at the back of his neck. Even the magus-killer was sweating bullets at this point.

“I see. Then perhaps it was not wise for me to invite these two guests too,” Maia, who had just been outside to answer the doorbell, said as she entered the living room.

For a moment, Kiritsugu’s previous face of nervousness turned into pale expression of pure horror, as in walked a tanned young woman in a white dress, and a silver-haired mercenary who was smoking like she was from an old noir film.

“N-Natalia! Shirley! What are you doing here!?”

“Yahhoo, Kerry-kun! We came to celebrate Christmas with you!” Shirley announced and gave the black-haired man a grin that could not possibly get any wider.

“Mm. It seemed like a good chance to meet with you again, boya,” Natasha snickered, before casting a glance at Irisviel.

“Oh, you must be the woman of the house. Sorry for barging in like that. I’m bit lacking in manners these days,” she said, before walking over and extending her hand. “Natalia Kaminski. Your husband and I go way back.”

“Ah, nice to meet you. My name is Irisviel von Einzbern, and I’m—“

A sudden aura of murder, as ferocious as the one let off by the homunculus earlier, cut Irisviel off. Before she could realize, Shirley was stuck on her side, glaring at her mercilessly from inches away. Kiritsugu was sure she saw the eyes of his childhood crush turn red for a moment.

“A husband, huuuh?? And since when did Kerry-kun have an interest to such old hags, huuuuh??” Shirley’s voice seemed to rumble with some sort of unearthly power.

“My, my, I have no idea what you are talking about,” Irisviel answered, and her aura flared up again. It was like watching tiger and dragon clash together. “It is better than being a lolicon seeing someone’s current age, isn’t it??”

As the air crackled with unreleased tension, both the Servants and the mortals watched in horror as the fury of the two women was released as an air of pure hostility. Kiritsugu was searching for a flash-grenade, or anything really, that would help him escape the situation. However, unexpected help arrived in a form of a blonde-haired angel.

“Now, now, why don’t we all sit down. It is Christmas, after all,” Luvia said and laughed as ojou-like as ojou-like her could. “We would not want any ruffians to poison the air of our Christmas-celebration, now would we?”

Using all her strength, Luvia finally managed to force Irisviel and Shirley to sit in chairs opposing each other, before shoving mugs of glogg into their hands. This way, they were at least momentarily distracted enough to not beat the ever-living snot out of each other.

“Shirley, was it?” Luvia asked, and quickly continued as she got a stiff nod. “Well, now that you are here, Shirley, why don’t you tell us a Christmas-story? We have been on quite a roll with them so far, and it seems only logical to let one of the newcomers to tell theirs. Otherwise, we’d just have to call this Countdown off, now wouldn’t we?”

“Pst. Luvia-san. Don’t go after the Fourth Wall,” Shirou quickly whispered to the blonde magus. “It still hasn’t recovered from the last year.”

“I see,” Luvia answered, and nodded.

“W-well… I suppose I could,” Shirley said and grudgingly took a sip from her mug. “Let’s see now… there is one that I could tell. If I remembered just how it went…”

“Well, take your time. We aren’t in a rush here,” Luvia urged the older woman on.

“Let’s see now… It starts something like this…”

Twelve Days of Yule
Day 3
The Cat Familiars and the Demon Hunter

A demon hunter, by no fault of his own, had been used so many times by his younger sister that he had no juice left in him. So, in the evening, he surrounded himself with pornography as his sister ordered, though he did not want to, and as he had no income and had to rely on his sister for money, he lay down quietly in his bed, prayed to the Crimson Moon that he would not have to entertain his sister the next day and fell asleep. In the morning, after he finished his prayers of limp member, and was just going to head to his sister’s room, he noticed that he had been jacked off during the night. He was astounded, and knew what to say to such act of perversion. He ran to downstairs, celebrating and shouting in joy, as he would be unable to comply to his monstrous younger sister’s wishes.

Soon after, his younger sister came into the living room, and as the situation did not please her at all, she nearly sucked out all the heat of her brother, and, since the demon hunter was unable to get erect, he was allowed to run free for the rest of the day, to the announce of the other brother who was being hikikomori in the basement. At night, he once again did the same, and next morning was about to set to be forcefully taken by his younger sister with fresh dread; but he had no need to do so, for, when he got up, he was already tired and limp, and his younger sister was unable to do anything about it, having to let him go free again. The following morning, too, he found himself jacked off; and so it went on constantly – no matter what sort of drugs his younger sister forced him to swallow, he was still properly jacked off during the night, and had no ability to partake in his younger sister’s perverted fantasies involving hair.

Now it befell that one evening not long before Christmas, when the demon hunter had been enjoying his freedom, his younger sister came to him, before going to bed: “We need to catch those thieving cats who keep taking Nii-san’s precious juice!” The demon hunter did not like the idea, but was forced to act on it under the threat of being sent to live with his possibly gay friend, and eating nothing but eggs and ramen. And so they put a life-size model decoy on the bed and hid themselves in the corner of the room, behind the curtains that had never been closed during any of the games, and watched. When it was midnight, two pretty little cats, white and black, came, sat down by the decoy, and took all the work which was cut out before them, and began to fondle and stroke so skillfully and so quickly with their little paws that the demon hunter had to turn away and clamp down his mouth to not spout the most clichéd of memetic lines. They did not stop until all was done; and they ran quickly away.

Next morning the younger sister said, “The thieving cats have crossed the line, and we really must destroy them as brutally as we can! I can’t believe you got off of something like that, Nii-san! I wouldn’t be surprised if you thought that raping a nun would be like lancing a boil, too!” The demon hunter said, “Don’t judge me. You’re far more twisted;” and one night, when everything was ready, the younger sister inverted fully to her demon form and hid behind the curtains with the demon hunter, against his wishes. At midnight the cats came bounding in, and wanted to get to work at once, but as they sensed the monstrous aura of the younger sister, they were at first astonished, and then they showed mischievous mocking. They turned into two little lolis, one dressed in black and other in white, escaped with greatest rapidity, even though the younger sister gave chase, and started singing,

“Our milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and they’re like: It’s better than yours.

Damn right, it’s better than yours. We could teach you, but you have no breasts!”

Well, at least the other did. The one in black only showed a matching sign while running.

Then they danced and skipped and leapt over chairs and benches. At last they danced out of doors, before the younger sister could change her trajectory and bring out the ham. From that time forth they came no more, but as long as the demon hunter lived he not once had to suffer at the hands of his sister anymore. He was branded as a zoosexual, though.


The End.

---

“Ha-hahahaha, what’s with that strange story?” Irisviel giggled, having nearly snorted out her glogg from her nose. “It doesn’t make any sense at all!”

“I know, right?” Shirley said and chuckled herself. “Kerry’s father used to tell it at Christmas-time, though it had nothing to do with the holiday. I still can’t make any heads or tails out of it!”

The two women topped over while laughing at the sheer stupidity of the story, holding each other up by leaning their shoulders together. As Shirley had told the story, she seemed to have really gotten into it, forgetting her anger. Irisviel, on the other hand, had not been sure how she should have reacted to the tale, ending up laughing at the absurdity of what she had just heard. And now, just like that, the two of them had completely forgotten their previous feud, instead of acting like old friends.

“Well, it was a slightly unorthodox story, but… I guess it worked?” Luvia said and scratched her chin, awkward expression on her face. “Don’t you think so too, Mr. Emiya?”

However, as Luvia turned towards Kiritsugu, she saw that the man was holding his head with his other hand, looking rather distraught. Or, more precisely, he looked like a man who realizes a grave mistake he has done.

“… Mr. Emiya? What is wrong?” Luvia asked, tilting her head.

Kiritsugu raised his gaze, epiphany flaring in the depths of his black eyes.

“…So, instead of a loli daughter, I could have had… loli cat!?”

The thunder slap from Ilya sent her father flying through the window, straight into the pile of snow outside.

[Seika]

Elves and the Shoemaker.

Maya should be Maiya, btw.

[Servant Shiki]

“You want to go, dragon-boy?” Karna asked coldly and stuck his forehead against Siegfried’s, both of them narrowing their eyes. “I’ve got a god-killing projectile here with your ass’s name on it.”

This has be my favorite part. The story was also incredibly funny.

[gwonbush]

I... don't know how to react to this story. I don't think most of the cast knows how to react either.

[Verg Avesta]

Elves and the Shoemaker.

Maya should be Maiya, btw.

Right on both accounts.

I... don't know how to react to this story. I don't think most of the cast knows how to react either.

Neither do I. Neither do I.

[Mattias]

That has got to be weirdest start to a Christmas story I've seen. So Far. Who knows what the rest of the nights will bring...

[Verg Avesta]

Twelve Days of Yule

”I can’t believe it got to this…”

Emiya Shirou watched from the veranda in horror as the twenty-or-so Servants kept bombarding each other with snowballs, having amassed behind two steep walls of snow. It was less of a snowball-fight and more of an all-out war. This mental image was reinforced how Jean and Saber, the “generals” of both sides, kept issuing orders from the front-lines, shouting like their lives depended on it.

It would not have been a bad thing, if not for the fact that each snowball seemed to create a sizeable crater at the yard of Emiya house.

“Well, you cannot say that they are not having fun,” Luvia chuckled next to him, leaning on to the wall. “It is a rather grand sight, when you think about it like that. I suppose, though, that ancient heroes like them have not had many chances to play in snow like this.”

“I suppose so,” Shirou said and nodded. “A welcome change of pace for them, perhaps?”

“Definitely.”

While the adults were still inside, preparing for the coming celebration, the younger members of the household, along with the Servants, had moved outside to the chilly winter air. And while most of the people had dressed up in heavy coats and scarfs to block out the cold, Lady Forklift seemed all too content to wear her usual attire.

— Emiya Shirou did not want to even ask how she was able to do it.

“Ah, here you all are. Emiya-san said that you had come outside.”

Suddenly, without a bit of care about the ensuing war further away, a voice called out to the youngsters at the veranda. Both Shirou and Luvia turned to look at the person, and saw that it was not just one, but a group of people arriving. Kokutou Mikiya, dressed in festive red coat, gave a gentle gesture of greeting and smiled at them. Behind him came Ryougi Shiki, along with her daughter, who was eyeing the snow-war with growing confusion.

“Ah, Tohsaka-san! Hello, and Merry Christmas!” Kokutou Azaka greeted the twin-tailed magus with a happy hello, and waved at her. Rin, who had been looking after Jack the Ripper, smiled back at the girl.

“Azaka-san, hello. And yes, Merry Christmas. How was the trip?” Rin asked, still gazing after the white-haired Servant from the corner of her eye. Jackie had opted to build a snow-castle instead of joining the war, and soon she had been joined by Ilya.

Not far away, a certain striped teacher (who had taken it as a challenge) was putting finishing touches to her “snow-tiger”.

“The trip went well. We had a little trouble with Maya-chan, since she got into an argument with some blue-haired, black-wearing girl in the train, but other than that, nothing too bad,” Azaka answered and sat next to Rin.

“Still any word from the Tohno household?” Shirou asked while scooting closer to Luvia so that the newcomers could sit down.

“Nothing, yet. I know that they were supposed to meet up with Soujuurou-san and the others before coming to here, so it might take them a while,” Mikiya answered. “They should be here before the celebrations, though.”

“Aah, such a shame. I so wanted to meet Akiha-san quickly,” Azaka commented with a pout. Luvia cocked an eyebrow at this comment.

“Hooh~? Were you planning on having the ‘Black-haired tsun-tsun meeting?’” the blonde magus asked, earning a glare from Rin.

“Can it, Luvia. We used that joke last year already.”

“…That is all well and good, but…” Shiki’s eyes wandered once again to the Servants, who were now making a sizeable dent to the wall that separated the house from the rest of neighborhood. “…Are you sure that’s going to be okay?”

“Ah, let them have their fun, Shiki-san,” Sakura giggled. Her smile, however, froze for a second when there was a sudden blast of white and Rider shot off to the sky, her Pegasus carrying a snowball the size of a meteor. “…Yes, it’ll be alright. But, where is Fujino-san? I thought she would have come with you.”

“I am here, Matou-san,” a quiet voice answered as the aforementioned person walked around the corner. She was guided by a familiar-looking collie, while her white stick gently tapped the floor. “Sorry it took me some time, but I wanted to exchange greetings with Irisviel-san.”

“Oh, it’s alright. Here, have a seat,” Sakura stood up and gave her seat to the blind girl. “Are you feeling alright?”

“Quite,” Fujino answered. “Everyone has been so wonderful, helping me even without asking.”

“Both you and Kirie were actually being a pain in the ass in the train,” Shiki commented, frowning at the blind girl. “That’s the last time I’m going to let you ‘twist’ a Christmas cracker. Just be glad my arm was artificial.”

“Ehehehe…” Fujino made an apologetic gesture, causing the others look at her with deadpan expressions.

“Hmh? Both Fujino-san and Kirie-san?” Sakura asked, looking around them. “Where is Kirie-san, then?”

“Oh, I think she is inquiring from Natalia whether or not she can fly. Too bad for her, the woman seems to have some sort of trauma when it comes to airplanes. Who knows why?” Shiki answered while watching Mana, who had joined Ilya and Jackie in building the snowman.

There was a momentary pause in the discussion as something that looked suspiciously like a snow-dragon crashed into the opposing team’s barricade at full force, commandeered by a certain knight in orange armor, who looked like he was enjoying himself far too much.

“Then, what about Shirazumi-san?” Shirou asked, looking at Mikiya. The latter scratched his chin, looking rather awkward.

“Well… he refused to join us here. Something about ‘the meeting of the Losers Club’. I think he headed to meet your brother, Sakura-san,” Mikiya answered.

What followed was an awkward silence.

“W-well!” Luvia perked up first, trying to dispel the mood. “Does anybody know any good Christmas-stories? We’ve been telling them the whole day as a way to pass time, and I think it would be a shame to stop now.”

“Well… It’s not exactly a story. More like a song… but Fujino and I would have one. Right, Fujino?” Azaka asked, and the purple-haired esper nodded.

“Go ahead then, do sing it. I’d love to hear some music,” Shirou answered with a smile.

Encouraged by these words, Fujino suddenly turned around, before grabbing a small black piano from seemingly out of nowhere. She set it before her. There, with her black glasses and the piano, her head held a bit upright and her mouth in a smile, she looked disturbingly familiar.

“J-just… as long as it’s not ‘Hit the road, Jack’,” Rin commented. “There’s someone close by who might not understand the joke.”

“Oh, it’s not that song,” Azaka hurried to reassure. Then, clearing her throat, she turned towards Fujino. “Ready?”

“Ready, Kokutou-san.”

“Well, here goes, then…” Azaka said and clenched her hand into a fist. “A-one, a-two, a-one-two-three-four—“

Twelve Days of Yule
Day 4
You’re a mean one, Mr. Roa

You’re a mean one Mr. Roa
Your hair is full of grease.
You accept your lust of sister
With a truly frightening ease,
Mr. Roa!
Your siscon habit is
truly Japanese!

You're a vampire, Mr. Roa!
Your pants are unzipped.
You’re a true shut-in
And yet you remain ripped
Mr. Roa!
Even in Actress Again
You are still always skipped!

You're a pervert, Mr. Roa!
You smile like Sharkura.
You shame the King of Pop
In your amount of mascara,
Mr. Roa!
Given the choice between the two of you,
I'd take Michael Jackson in bra!

You're a stalker, Mr. Roa!
You bite girls in the neck!
Your fetish is a sick one
You stain them in red,
Mr. Roa!
The way you feel afterwards
Is as follows, and I quote,
"Horny, and, wet!"

You're a cheater, Mr. Roa!
Your bodies are not yours!
You misguide them in seconds,
Like a bunch of Michael Moores,
Mr. Roa!
Your soul jumps around like a pogo-stick,
Making the victims do disgusting things
With their very own hands
Like opening bakery stores!

You’re a loser, Mr. Roa!
You’re worse than Gilgamesh!
You get shredded to your ankles,
And you dress like Prince that’s Fresh,
Mr. Roa!
You're as popular as the feeling
as someone’s hit,
With their man-flesh!

The End.

---

“… Didn’t we do this last year too?”

Rin’s eyes were now suspiciously switching between Azaka and Fujino, who had finished their song. The former shooed the thought away with her hand gesture, and laughed refreshingly.

“Oh, it’s not the same thing! Like I said, this one is a song, and the previous one wasn’t. Both are insane endeavors though,” Azaka answered and smiled sweetly. “Trying to match the Rhyming Doctor’s work is like committing a seppuku willfully.”

“I can imagine…” Rin said and decided to leave the topic there.

“Well, I enjoyed it, at least,” Shirou said and smiled to the two, who looked away bashfully. Luvia, with a mischievous grin on her face, elbowed the young man.

“Now, Shero. Don’t go wooing heroines of another story. Kokutou-san would not like that,” Luvia said.

“Hmh? Like what?” Mikiya, oblivious as always, asked.

“Oh, nothing!” Luvia laughed and caught Shirou’s arm, pushing herself closer. “Don’t mind us. Just think if you have some good Christmas-stories to tell.”

“H-hey, Luvia! What do you think you are doing!?” Rin shouted, seeing what was going on. The blonde magus stuck out her tongue to her rival.

Fortunately, their feud did not manage to grow from that.

Unfortunately, the reason for that was the fact that at that moment, the yard exploded in a storm of wind and snow, as Saber released her sword.

It seemed like the snow-war had finally gotten out of hand.

[Erlkonig]

>Skipped in Actress Again

Spinach, attack!

That said, I lol'd

[YeOfLittleFaith]

This story! Hahahahah! xD

Gotta love the image of Saber using Excalibur and everyone who is just talking to the side suddenly being covered in snow (alongside everything else).