”Shero, could you pass that box of decorations, please?”
“Sure. Here you go, Luvia-san.”
It was, once again, Christmas-time in the Emiya household. The Christmas-tree had been put up in the corner of the living room, and now the tenants of the house-turned-into-an-inn had gathered around it, decorating it to the best of their abilities. The one leading as the maestro of this small Yule-tide orchestra was none other than Luviagelita Edelfelt; To Tohsaka Rin’s unending annoyance.
It had all started with the blonde magus arriving to Fuyuki City and announcing: “You Japanese really can’t do a Christmas right! Let me show you how we do things in Finland!”
And there they were, preparing a more ancient type of magical festival, a bit different from the commercial bustle and hustle that was so usual to Japan. Emiya Shirou, for one, found it quite refreshing. Like usual, his household was red at the end of the month, so not buying that many Christmas-present was a welcome change to him.
“Here you go, Shirou. Have some glogg. Luvia-san showed me how to do it, and I think it turned out pretty well,” Irisviel said while appearing from the kitchen with a tray, and handing Shirou a warm cup.
“—Ah, thank you.” Shirou smiled and took a sip from the cup. The liquid warmed his insides quite nicely. “It is really good.”
“Oh, my, you’re such a flatterer, Shirou-kun,” Irisviel beamed at him, before going to hand out cups for all the people in the room.
“It’s really been quite a while since we all got together like this, hasn’t it?” Kiritsugu asked from the corner of the room, sitting on a comfy chair with Ilya on his lap. “Not that I can’t complain, no.”
“Yes. It has become quite enjoyable, thanks to Madam’s and Edelfelt-san’s efforts,” Maya agreed. She was currently balancing on a chair while trying to get decorations to the highest parts of the Christmas tree.
“Maya-san, don’t make it sound like we others have been just lazing around,” Rin commented with a fake smile. She had been stuck on the Christmas-light duty, and was now spreading the lights over the windowsills with her sister.
“Oh, I’m sure Maya-san didn’t mean that,” Sakura said and giggled.
“Sakura. While red might be usual color Christmas lights, I do not think black is…” Rider said, looking somewhat distraught. “How did you even…”
“Oh, that’s right!” Sakura chuckled and playfully jabbed her own head. “How silly of me.”
There was an awkward silence as Sakura removed the black lights, destroying the illusion of the Christmas light being something far darker than they actually were.
“Luvia-san, I must inquire…” Saber suddenly said. She had volunteered to the “tasting duty” of the gingerbreads. “…What is the purpose of building a house out of gingerbread?”
“Oh, the piparkakkutalo? To be honest, I must say I am not completely sure,” Luvia answered, while attaching some more baubles to the branches of the tree. “Supposedly it’s derived from the legend of Hansel and Gretel, or something like that.”
“Oh! In other words, it is a ritual artifact?” Ilya chimed in with a question. “Creating a symbol of the desired legend to bring its effects life? Are we going to roast a witch?”
“And who would be that witch you’re about to roast, huh!?” Rin growled at Ilya, who responded by showing her tongue.
“Now, now! Calm down you two. It doesn’t matter what it is,” Taiga chuckled as she stepped out of the kitchen. “In the end, Onee-chan will end up eating it like a Kaiju!”
“I’m afraid I can’t let you do that, Taiga,” Saber quietly said, and her narrowed eyes locked into those of the striped teacher. “The gingerbread house is mine and mine alone!”
For a moment, there was an explosive situation as the hungry tiger confronted the hungry lion. Sparks flew in a way that reminded the onlookers more about the New Years than about Christmas. Finally, giving a big sigh, Luvia stepped in and separated the two gluttons, while giving them both an admonishing glare.
“Calm down, the two of you. Christmas is a time of peace and love. I won’t allow anyone to disrupt that,” she said, before looking smugly at Rin. “Look. Even I am ready to bury the hatchet in the snow.”
“So it seems,” Rin answered, smiling as dangerously back. “Just make sure you yourself don’t get buried in the snow in the process.”
Laughter echoed in the room following these words. Saber and Taiga finally settled sitting down and simply watched as Shirou, Luvia and Maya decorated the Christmas tree, while Rin and Sakura finished up putting the lights on to the living room windows. Kiritsugu, Irisviel and Ilya were unconsciously (or maybe consciously in Irisviel’s case) doing their best impression of Happy Days, with Kiritsugu sitting on the couch, his wife on the armrest and his daughter on his lap.
“Oyaji… Stay like that, and I’m going to have you help me here in the kitchen,” A sudden voice called out to Kiritsugu, letting out a sarcastic humph afterwards.
Archer, dressed casually and with pink apron around him, smirked at Kiritsugu, while preparing another batch of gingerbread cookies. He had been up at it for the whole day because Shirou had been commanded by Luvia to help her decorate the tree. Apparently, however, Rin had demanded that Archer would be kicked out of the kitchen when the actual Christmas Day came around.
Archer sighed.
“My, my. It is truly heinous to leave a guy alone in the kitchen during this season,” he chuckled dryly, before stopping as a small elbow hit him in the ribs.
Female Protagonist, wearing a black turtleneck and a brown apron, looked Archer with a frown, and the tanned Servant chuckled.
“My apologies. You just tend to be so short that I have hard time remembering you are here.”
For that remark, Archer got another hit to his ribs, and angry glare from the brown-haired girl.
“It seems that Archer-san has found his match there,” Sakura giggled and whispered to Rin, who smiled in return.
“I’m just glad there’s someone who is holding his leash tightly. God knows what sort of ideas he would get without her. Probably something about camping at the Central Building and sniping Shirou whenever he respawns.”
“What am I, a MMORPG-character?” Shirou grumbled and shot a frown at Tohsaka, who stuck out her tongue in a charming response.
There was yet another moment of silence as the tenants of the house focused on their current duties. Outside, faint flakes of snow fell from the sky, determined to cover the ground in large white veil. Ilya smiled as she saw the snow, as it reminded her of the old castle she used to live. However, unlike there, this time of the year, even with snow, was nothing but warm.
“Oh, I know!” Suddenly, Irisviel perked up, and spoke, catching everyone’s attention. “Why don’t we tell Christmas stories to each other? To pass time while we work?”
“Hmh, that does not sound bad,” Saber agreed and nodded. “It would bring a festive mood indeed.”
“I like the idea too,” Shirou agreed. “Who would like to start?”
“Well, I don’t know if it’s much of a story,” Female Protagonist said from the kitchen, and quickly blushed as everyone’s attention was focused on her. “Erm, I mean…”
“Go ahead, Protagonist-chan,” Rin said and grinned. “You’re amongst a idiotic family here, so no need to get embarrassed.”
“Oh, w-well…” Protagonist said, took a deep breath, and then started talking. “I used to hear this from my mother… though I’m not sure if it can be called a story or not…”
“Well, why don’t you tell it to us, and we’ll decide that?” Archer asked with a dry smile, and Female Protagonist glared at him.
“Geez, fine...” she said and prepared herself. “Alright. It goes something like this…”
Twelve Days of Yule
Day 1
The Little Match Lancer
Most terribly cold it was; it snowed, and the whole world seemed as if it had been wrapped in For Someone’s Glory. After all, it was the last evening of the year. But even though it was so cold and dark, someone braved through the snowstorm while wearing only a skin-tight blue suit that was very uncomfortable at the crotch. When Lancer had left home, he had been given a nice scarf made by Bazett. Unfortunately, a ravenous drive-by-Berserker in chase of Enerloop-batteries had destroyed it on the fly.
So, the unfortunate Lancer walked on in his tacky blue jumpsuit, and cursed the fact that winter had finally come early. In his pocket he carried a quantity of runes, and he held a bundle of them in his hand. Nobody had bought anything of him the whole livelong day; no one had given him a single farthing. Perhaps it was because nobody needed to use runes on this modern age of central heating empires, that rule over winter-times and melted with the snow. Or perhaps it was because Lancer looked especially questionable in his outfit of choice.
But I digress. He crept along trembling with cold and hunger – a very picture of a hobo that had spent all his money on booze and women. Back home in Ireland, he would have been just one in the hundreds of similar men wandering on the streets, but here, in Japan, he really was alone.
The flakes of snow covered his blue, untidy hair, which looked like it was stolen from Miami Vice; but of that, of course, he never once thought. From all the windows the candles were gleaming, and it smelt so deliciously of roast goose, for you know it was New Year’s Eve, and the people felt the need to flaunt their ability to outdo each other in silly stereotypes, more so than in their actual daily lives.
In a corner formed by two houses, of which one advanced more than the other, he seated himself down and cowered together. His feet he had drawn close up together, but he grew colder and colder, and to go home he did not venture, for Bazett had confiscated Gae Bolg, and said that she would not give it back till he would regain his popularity that dropped so suddenly when they introduced Diarmuid. Apparently it had something to do with the fact that Diarmuid was actually sexy, while he was barely usable as a boomerang. Nevertheless, it was because of this that Lancer was out, selling runes and handing out pamphlets that told people to: “Choose the Real Spearman in the jumpsuit! Choose Lancer!”. So far, his campaign had not gone over that well.
His hands were almost numbed with cold. Oh! A rune might afford her a world of comfort, if he only dared take a single one out of the bundle, speak its name and warm his fingers by it. He drew one out. “Ansuz!” how it blazed, how it burnt! Why, it was this very rune that was the most hated enemy of all German castle-insurance companies! It was a warm, bright flame, as he held his hands over it: it was a wonderful light. Grasping it powerfully, Lancer started to smell the fragrance of roasting meat, and he dreamed of a full-course dinner that he would enjoy later that day. At least he believed he would get one, since Bazett had said something about liver, fava beans and nice chianti. Whatever the last one was. But, once the rune burned out and Lancer realized his hand was now charred for some reason, it quickly got cold again.
He lit another one up: it burned brightly, and where the flames licked the wall in an alarming fashion, there the wall became transparent like a veil, so that he could see into the room. On the table was spread the hide of a certain annoying golden king; Upon it was a splendid feast of victory, and the roast hog was steaming famously with grease dripping off its back like waterfall. And what was still more capital to behold was, there seemed to be a gathering of most unique sort, as Saber, Rider, Caster, the magus-sisters that guarded Fuyuki City, the tiger-teacher, the sadistic priestess and many others beckoned Lancer to cross the veil to the other side. They were clad only in red bikinis, and their fingers invited Lancer to come closer. As his other hand was rather busy in his pants, Lancer used his only free hand to light up yet another rune, his cheeks burning just as brightly.
More barely dressed women than he could imagine, more food than he could ever hope to dream of, the idiotic priest dressed like a male stripper and acting as his personal butler. The little Lancer stretched out his hands towards them when – the rune went out. The lights of the Christmas rose higher and higher, he saw them now as stars in heaven; one fell down and formed a long trail of fire.
“Hey! You can’t just disappear like that! The great kings of the past are supposed to look down at us from there! Who is going to guide me now?!” said the little Lancer; for he had been lazing around the house lately, and had watched old movies more than he should have had. This came at the price of his fingers smelling like Cheetos now.
He lit up another rune: it was again light, and in the lustre there stood a woman in a business-suit, so bright and radiant, so unfeminine, and with such an expression of worry.
“Bazett!” cried Lancer. “You came looking for me, didn’t you? Oh man, and here I thought you had completely thrown me out into the world with nothing but my feisty jumpsuit on me!” And he lit up a bunch of runes quickly, for he wanted to make sure Bazett wouldn’t get cold and leave just like that. And the runes gave such a brilliant light that Saber back at the Emiya household thought for a moment that certain King of Heroes had stolen her Excalibur, and was now playing with it. But the Bazett that Lancer saw smiled and took him in her arms, and both headed back home where the warmth of the fireplace waited, and there was plenty of beer for Lancer. And then he was neither cold, hungry, or anxious – he was where he belonged.
But in the corner, at the cold hour of dawn, sat the poor Lancer, with rosy cheeks and a stupid smile on his mouth, leaning against the wall – frozen stiff on the last evening of the old year. Stiff and stark sat the Servant there with his runes, of which 18 had been burnt. “He wanted to warm himself,” people said. “But at B-rank Rune Magic does not allow more runes.”
And it was not until Bazett finally forgave him and dragged his frozen ass back home that Lancer recovered from this incident.
The End.
“Aww, wasn’t that a sweet story?” Irisviel giggled. Kiritsugu looked like he would have wanted to comment on this, but found it best not to.
“Well, I must admit I did like it,” Archer said with a grin, and wrapped his arms around Female Protagonist. “It seems that our minds work alike when it comes to good taste.”
Female Protagonist answered with a grin that was eerily similar to the one of the tanned Servant.
“Erm, Shero? I didn’t quite understand the story,” Luvia said and frowned in confusion. “Is there something I should know about Japanese Christmas-stories.”
“No, I think you simply need to understand that there was an unexpected sadist in the house today,” Shirou answered with a monotone voice. Rin nodded.
“Let’s just hope that the original sadist does not get any ideas from her…”
“Nee-san? What was that supposed to mean?” Sakura asked, her smile looking more and more menacing.
“Aha, ahahahaha, haha,” Rin backed up, her eyes darting back and forth, looking for an escape route. “Ah! Look! Shirou’s naked!”
“SEMPAI, WHY DIDN’T YOU DO THIS BEFORE!?”
While Rin made her hasty escape, Sakura’s shout resonated in the living room, and as her head whipped straight to the direction of Emiya Shirou, drool oozed from her mouth like she had expected a feast. However, all that excitement and anticipation disappeared as she saw that Shirou had his pants on, and clearly intended to keep it that way, as he was cowering behind the Christmas-tree.
A long silence fell into the Emiya household. A rather awkward one.
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Originally Posted by ItsaRandomUsername
