Fate/Regalia Interrogation Room

[Sei]

Asuka: U-um... Being the traditional family that we are, I've lived much of my life without even knowing what a normal cellphone was. G-granted we had your standard house phone, it's indeed a far-cry from these innovative pocket devices. S-s-so, naturally, this Hecate phone is a little new to me as well... But fear not! For I, Shang Asuka, am learning quickly! Just the other day, I achieved a score of 200 in 'Brick Break' without damaging my phone! Truly this is a testament to the Shang's great adaptability!

[RacingeR]

Shizuka: A score of 200?!? How? I can't even reach the 100 mark!

Hunter: ... I can't believe your inability to win games extends this far... wait, why were you even doing that?

Shizuka: Anyway, about your lineage, these are the questions I have received. One of them is quite lengthly! "I've heard that your Sorcery Trait, whatever it is, comes from the Takumi side of your merged family lines. So why is it that using that Sorcery trait to win is what would restore the name of the Shang family line? In fact, if the Takumi side is what donated the important bit, why are you "Shang" at all?", "How are your relations with the Taima and China Order? Has your heritage affected either in a particular way? And how is your relationship with the rest of the Association?", and "Do you or did you ever feel pressure about your whole family situation?"

Hunter: You are just avoiding my question, aren't you..?

[Sei]

Asuka: A-ah... That's... actually a rather difficult question to respond to...

Berserker: ...

Asuka: No... It's alright, Berserker. Thank you... I suppose it was only a matter of time before this was asked anyways.

Berserker: .....

Asuka: Yes, it is true that I am of Japanese and Chinese blood. My mother is of Taima, and my father is from the Order. The Shang... The quality of our blood has been declining for several generations now... In fact, my father himself, though very knowledgeable about our family's craft, bears no ability to perform them himself... Therefore, in a last ditch effort to preserve the blood of the Shang, a marriage was arranged between my parents... You see, my mother hails from the Takumi family- a line of magi with a special trait which emerges every other generation and allows that magi, as a parent, to increase the number and quality of the magic circuits their offspring will posses... In a nutshell, I'm that child...

Berserker: ...

Asuka: The... arrangements of my conception are... complicated... But essentially, my mother's side of the family received a lovely compensation for their cooperation, and my father's side of the family received a functioning heir... As I myself do no possess the special trait of the Takumi, taking on the name of Shang... was of little issue, as I've been told... Under the agreement made between my families, my first born is to continue the legacy of the Takumi. So... I'm not sure if you can understand fully, but there is indeed a great deal of pressure on me. Both inside and out...

[RacingeR]

Shizuka: ... *suddenly gets close and hugs Asuka*

Shizuka: It is alright... I understand that kind of pressure somewhat. Don't worry, I'll do everything possible for me to help you out, so you won't be sad. You... you'll be like my little sister, it is sett- *gets dragged away by Hunter*

Hunter: Don't you have a little sister called Asuka already?

Shizuka: Yes, and?

Hunter: Well, won't it get confusing? And in any case, how is that even supposed to make her feel bet- You know what, I wanna get this done with, so I'll ask the next question already. "There have been rumors stating that your hands tend to get quite "invasive" when you're curious. Is this true?"

Shizuka: ...?

[Sei]

Berserker: RAAAAAAWRRRRR!!!

Asuka: *ahem* I have no idea what you're talking about. I've always been told that rumors are truly ugly things... Now I suppose I can see why.

Berserker: GGRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAA!!!!

Asuka: ...

Berserker: ...

Asuka: Well then, shall we mov-

Berserker: RRRRRAAAAAAAHHH!!

Asuka: Shut up! Do not make light of my kindness! I will not allow you to just sit here and place lies and slander upon my name!

Berserker: *angry shoves Asuka's chair*

Asuka: I've done nothing of the sort you ignorant beast! I was simply concerned for her health! W-what's it called...? The Heimlich! That's what I was doing!

Berserker: ...

Asuka: O-Of course that's how it's done! Do you really believe that I would be so foolish as to get the procedure wrong!? Are you insinuating that she couldn't breathe because of me!?

Berserker: *looks away*... *looks at Hunter*

[RacingeR]

Shizuka: Anyway... *ahem* the older inhabitants of OLYMPUS had their own curiosities and questions about you. I've decided to announce the final questions with pen-name included! After this, there are no more questions to ask.

Hunter: *deadpan* Freedom at last.

Shizuka: Don't be that way! Here are the final questions:

Penname: "Manga Dictator"
"How do you feel about romances between young men? And if you like them, do you have any skills in drawing?"

Penname: "Addicted on Gatorade."
"Do you-you train often? If so-so, what sort of martial arts-arts do you practice? Would you like-like a sparring partner??"

Penname: "Would a skirt look better on me?"
"What do ya know 'bout OLYMPUS beforehand, Asuka-han? An' who or what do ya look forward to meetin' the most?"

Penname: "Gold Fever"
"What is the most embarrassing moment in your plebeian life? Do you expect to top it here in OLYMPUS?"

Penname: "Edinburgh Arm-Lock"
"What do you plan to do here on OLYMPUS once you have settled in? Study? Make friends? Take p-part in battles? Oh, and which class would you like to be assigned?"

Penname: "Red-haired handsome young man"
"Do you have a boyfriend? Would you like to get one?"

Penname: "Italian Tea Master"
"Have you ever considered work as a panda? It is a well-paying part-time job here in OLYMPUS, unless you have maid your own hell."

Penname: "Young girls should be short"
"What do you do to get such a slamming body? Drink a lot of milk? Or is it even a body that matters when you confess to someone? All of my latest confessions have ended up in failure!"

Penname: "Sinatra had a crush on me"
"You are slightly on the cute side, human. Become a servant for my esteemed self!"

[Sei]

Asuka: Aha~ To think that people would take such an interest in my person~ Truly I am flattered to be the subject of so many questions. Though honestly, it's a bit much to take in all at once, to return the love you have shown me here, I shall try my best answer all without fail~

Berserker: *(is he getting restless?)*

Asuka: *ahem* To begin, I believe the first question asked for my opinion on romance between young men? Well, while I can't say I've had the pleasure of seeing such affection for myself, I deeply feel that something as pure and marvelous as love cannot and should not be restrained my notions of mere gender. If such a wonderful emotion where to blossom between two men, or two women for that matter, I believe it to be no lesser than that between two of opposite gender. Perhaps even, it can be said that I hold such an affection even higher than the norm... As for the subsequent question about my artistic skill, while I'm not sure what it has to do with my opinion on the matter, I have been tutored in various art forms.

Berserker: ...

Asuka: Moving on... Yes, I do train fairly often- as it is required to keep up with the regiment of my two families. However, unfortunately, I've not been able to develop my martial arts skill to the degree I would like. Though my father is an accomplished martial artist, sadly, my training was cut short so that I could join you all here. That be said, it is a belief of the Shang to take every opportunity as a learning experience. Therefore, if you can put up with me, I'd very much enjoy a session or two with you.

... A-as for what I knew about OLYMPUS beforehand, I knew it was quite an extravagant place... A-at least that's what I've been told! I'm well aware that it's a rather technologically advanced place... and that there are people from a variety of rich backgrounds situated here... You see... a great deal of my time was spent working on my craft and studies! S-so... I didn't have the opportunity to brush up on all OLYMPUS has to offer beforehand! *nod**nod**sweat* B-but that's all aside the point. In the end, I look forward to interacting with my fellow students and learning more of the outside world.

Berserker: *stares at Hunter* .... *(is it more intense then before?)*

Asuka: Now... what was the next question? ... Ah, yes... ....While I'm not quite certain what one would wish to achieve with such a question, I will simply answer by stating that this question does not apply to me. Of course, while I am unaware of the social positioning of the person behind the question, let it be known that by no means am I a "plebeian". I am the proud heir of the Shang; a dynasty dating back to the origins of the Kingdom of Heaven! Even if our family has declined over the years, the fact still remains so. And even if I am mistaken, and you are of higher nobility than I, then let it be known, here and now, that by no means shall I consider one who looks down upon others to be of noble blood...

Berserker: RRRRRRRRRRAAAAHHH!!!!

Asuka: *nod* It's apparent to me that there will be certain individuals whom I will be unable to see eye-to-eye with; however, as long as I'm here, I would like to make as many friends as possible and learn more of the various cultures around the world. As I've said time and time again, my home is a marvelous place, but there is only so much I can learn there... *smile* Perhaps even I can learn what it is to have a "boyfriend". I've heard it stated many times before, but I'm still having trouble grasping at what it is. I figure it's something I'll have to experience as this particular kind of friend seems to be coupled with words of action quite often...

Berserker: ...

Asuka: Um... next was... work as a panda? I'm not sure how to respond to this one. I'm quite familiar with what a panda bear is, but I've never known there to be a job designation of panda. However, if you say it is a well-paying job, then I am willing to undertake the experience~ Though some may consider work to be unfit for those of high status, I believe it serves as a great opportunity for individuals to grow closer to the people they govern~

And last questions are... about my body? Well... I-I'm not quite sure what it means to have a "slamming body"... Is this some kind of Japanese slang? Or perhaps it's a referral to martial arts? ... *sweat* Um... I make sure to keep a healthy exercise regiment... I like milk tea as well... But how does this tie into confessions? What kind of confessions are we talking about here? *mumble*...This question confuses me! J-Just hold your head up high and be all you can be!

And finally... become a Servant? ...How would that work? Is there a way for living people to become Heroic Spirits that I am unaware of?

[RacingeR]

Shizuka: There are so many things misunderstood here that I don't know where to start... *looks at Hunter*

Empty space: *Returns stare*

Shizuka: *sweat drops* *stares at Berserker* Well, these are all the questions asked. I thank you two very much for coming today, and it was a pleasure interviewing you. I'll clean this place up for the next interview late now my people need me bye *escapes through secret passage*

[I3uster]

Akio: Hello everyone! It is your alarmingly charming host, Akio Saiki in a new iteration of the legendary, the one and only, the Interrogation room!

Defender: ....

Akio: Yes, today we have special guests! It is our first interview with a representative of the elusive Circle of Trismegistus...

Defender: The other way around.

Akio: Don't disturb my flow!

Defender: Keep this up and I will disturb your blood flow.

Akio: Ahahaha~ Where was I? Oh yes, today we welcome the lady Noelle Fontaine and her companion Dreamer!

[Spinach]

Dreamer: Whoa, whoa, whoa. We’re being interviewed by a psycho-freak and a caveman? Well isn’t this just a riot!

Noelle: Dreamer.

Dreamer: Oh, maybe they sent us these circus rejects as a joke? Oh, Noelle, maybe they’re trying to say something like “this is the best you get.”

Noelle: Dreamer.

Dreamer: But hey, did you hear that? He called me your companion! This guy sure has done his homework, he knows how close you and I are! Our bonds of camaraderie and friendship, forged in-

Noelle: Dreamer!

Dreamer: Yes, Noelle?

Noelle: Firstly, do not call me Noelle. Call me Master. Secondly-

Dreamer: Aw, but Noelle, we’re friends, friends should call each other by name! Or how about nicknames? You can be-

Noelle: Dreamer!

Dreamer: Yes, Noelle?

Noelle: Call me Master.

Dreamer: But Noelle…

Noelle: Dreamer, if you keep this up they’re going to ask us to leave.

Dreamer: Oh come on Noelle, there’s no way they’d kick us out of here without asking a single question like that. Though then again, I doubt there’s much interest in you anyway… Now that I think about it they really might just kick you out.

Noelle: You’re just trying to embarrass me, aren’t you?

Dreamer: Oh, but Master, why would I ever do that?

Noelle: … Moving on. Secondly, at least pretend to be polite. These two gentlemen may be… a little off, but they are taking time out of their busy schedule full of whatever crazy people do to interview us.

Dreamer: No promises.

Noelle: Good enough. Thirdly, this is not my companion, this is my Servant, and sometimes I wonder if he is even that.

Dreamer: So cold.

Noelle: So, shall we begin with the interview, Mr. Saiki?

[I3uster]

Defender: Heh. I like that Servant. Can we keep it?

Akio: I'm going to ignore that inappropriate commentary in the interest of professionalism.

Defender: Yes. Professionalism. That's what it is all about here.

Akio: Oh come the f...Noelle, Dreamer! Mind telling us your thoughts about OLYMPUS? Any expectations you have towards the city and its people, and how are your first impressions of it?

[Spinach]

Noelle: OLYMPUS is quite nice. Especially the Apollo Library and the Crystal City, but I-

Dreamer: Oh it's a great place! I really like heights, so a city in the sky is the place for me.

Noelle: Ahem. As I was saying, I-

Dreamer: I gotta tell you, Psycho-freak, I can call you that, right? I'm gonna call you that. Ah, wait, Noelle told me to be polite.

Noelle: Call me Master.

Dreamer: Noelle told me to be polite, so how about Mr. Psycho-freak? Yeah. Mr. Psycho-freak. Have you been to Dionysus Park? Sure you have, you've been here a couple weeks, and you don't seem the shut-in type like this girl here.

Noelle: What did you just say, Dreamer?

Dreamer: Ignore her. Dionysus Park, lovely place. The air is fresh, the scenery beautiful and the locals are all great. I could stay there all day.

Noelle: Are you done yet, you insufferable little-

Dreamer: As for my expectations, I can't say for sure. I'd like to pay a visit to the Artemis Fields. I hear the forests there are packed with some really interesting guys. Caveman, you look like the kind who enjoys a stroll in the wild. How'd you like to head out there with me for a visit to the forests?

Noelle: Are you sure you want to invite-

Dreamer: On second thought, you look like you'd scare the locals so bad they'd hop off the edge of the ward. Never mind.

Noelle: ... You're not even going to pretend to be polite, are you?

Dreamer: Oh, my bad. Mr. Caveman. Invitation retracted. Now, let's move on. All this talk about the city is making me want to ditch you lot and go hiking.

Noelle: I didn't even get to give a full answer!

Dreamer: Never mind her. Next question!

[I3uster]

Akio: You can't call me that actually. In general just...stop saying things like that! We are on air here!

Defender: Do not get too excited Master. Think of the professionalism.

Akio: Ha ha ha. You are really funny Defender, with every second this goes on I can literally feel people losing their respect towards me.

Defender: I can see why he calls you crazy now.

Akio: ...

Defender: Seeing that you think you had...

Akio: YES I GOT THAT THANK YOU DEFENDER

Defender: ...any in the...

Akio: YES YES, HA HA HA, IT IS VERY FUNNY, I GOT IT

Defender: The forests sound nice. I might need some time for myself seeing that a close acquaintance of mine is facing a mental breakdown.

Akio: I go out! Yes! I like the Park!

Akio: Anyway. Next question. This one is from our viewers.

Defender: People actually witness this debacle on their own volition? Humanity truly has degraded.

Akio: This one is for Noelle. It asks "Are you hard M?"

Defender: Lovely.

[Spinach]

Dreamer: Yes.

Noelle: No.

Dreamer: Yeah.

Noelle: No. No I am not.

Dreamer: Uh-huh.

Noelle: No!

Dreamer: Definitely.

Noelle: Dreamer!

Dreamer: Absolutely.

Noelle: Dreamer! Shut. Up. Now.

Dreamer: Wait a second, Noelle, are you blushing?

Noelle: No, I am not blushing!

Dreamer: Then what is that red all over your face if not a furious blush? Huuuh?

Noelle: I am NOT blushing and I am NOT hard M!

Dreamer: Sure, sure. You know what? Let's ask a third party. Mr. Psycho-freak, look at her. Doesn't she look hard M to you?

Noelle: Aaaahhhh don't answer that!

Dreamer: Come on, Mr. Psycho-freak, tell us your honest opinion.

[I3uster]

Akio: Well she looks like she'd enjoy a rough-

Defender: The next question is for Dreamer and is "Why are you so obscure?"

[Spinach]

Noelle: Isn't it obvious? It's because his people were too uncivilized to even invent a written language of their own. They never wrote his story down, so naturally nobody knows who he is. Well, naturally I knew who he was at first glance.

Dreamer: Hah, knew who I was at first glance? Says the one who went and pulled an all-nighter researching just so she could pretend to know every little bit about me.

Noelle: I did no such thing!

Dreamer: Hah, sure. But back to the question. I don't deny it, the ol' hag is right. When you don't write a story down and choose to pass it orally for years and years, it will eventually change in shape and meaning, or even be forgotten. Well, thanks to the senior citizen sitting beside me I've confirmed that somebody out there cared enough to record my story on paper.

Noelle: O-old hag? Senior... citizen?

[I3uster]

Akio: I see, I see. So obscure Native American without written language...*takes notes*

Defender: Classy. Noelle. There are rumors about how nobody in your faction likes you.

Akio: D-don't say it so frankly, Defender.

Defender: How are you going to fight an entire dorm?

Akio: W-what?

[Spinach]

Noelle: I will admit that I have less than a peaceful relationship with most of my peers here.

Dreamer: Most of your peers? I don't think anybody up here likes you.

Noelle: Coming from you that stings a lot less, Dreamer.

Dreamer: Oh, you're improving, but you still have a long way to go. If you had followed up on that comeback this would be more than a draw! I guess life is hard for those less gifted, but don't worry. Hard work can make up for lack of talent, Noelle.

Noelle: I'm just going to ignore that. All of it. As for how I plan to fight an entire dorm... I don't. It would be incredibly foolish to even attempt such a thing.

Dreamer: So you know you'd get flattened in no time and you're pretending to be above that kind of petty infighting?

Noelle: ...

Dreamer: Oh, that look on her face, she's gonna do it...!

Noelle: Naturally, if it came down to it I'm sure I could more than handle myself! With or without this stupid Servant's help!

Dreamer: Oh, so bold, so you're saying you could take on everyone in the dorm?

Noelle: Of course! Who do you think I am?

Dreamer: I know who you are. So, does that include that dorm head and her assistant?

Noelle: Doesn't that go without saying?

Dreamer: Wow, so very, very bold. I wonder if she's listening to this interview. Is this live? I hope it's live.

[I3uster]

Akio: Live or not, I am sure she will be excited about these new developments!

Defender: One less enemy to worry about.

Akio: You planned this?

Defender: I don't plan.

Akio: Anyway, another question for Dreamer. Is there anything that you want to do now that you are transported into a time so unlike yours?

[Spinach]

Dreamer: I thought as much. Mr. Caveman doesn't look like the planning type. If I were to label you two, Mr. Caveman would be the brawn of the operations and Mr. Psycho-freak would be the... also brawn. Not much going on for you guys in the brain department, unfortunately. But enough about you, after all this next question is about me!

Noelle: Dreamer, pretend.

Dreamer: Right, right. Where was I? What I want to do... to tell you the truth there's not much. I did what I was meant to do when I originally lived, and once I got that over with I just breezed through the rest of my life passing the time having fun. I'm just going to kick back and relax for another lifetime, this time without having to do any tedious questing or living up to destiny.

Noelle: Dreamer, ladies and gentlemen. A man of many aspirations.

Dreamer: Don't worry yourself, grandma. I like living enough to help you out when you really need it, which is likely to be far too often for my own tastes.

Noelle: As if I need help from someone who can't even respect his own Master!

Dreamer: Oh, so you don't need my help, not even a little bit?

Noelle: Not in the slightest!

Dreamer: What about those Duel Battles? Don't need my help for those?

Noelle: Of! Course! Not!

Dreamer: Hear that, listeners? Noelle Fontaine just made another bold declaration: she will win all of her Duel Battles without the aid of her Servant! Does her confidence know no limit?