Fate/Regalia Interrogation Room

[Spinach]

Noelle: Tell us.

Dreamer: Tell us.

[Katie]

William: So, my dad was an ex-race car driver. My sister tied me to a chair to study for the written test. So I took that shit and I got my permit. And I was like "I'm not getting my license, fuck off," but nobody cares about my opinion.

Then my dad taught me how to drive. This involved going really fucking fast in the middle of the desert and I ran over a gila monster. One time we went on Baseline and I nearly hit five people trying to get to Arizona Mills. Fuck, whatever.

So now that I operated a car and not died, I got cocky. I decided to take the test.

Got hit by a van. Wasn't my fault, they said, but I failed and I'd retake the test a few months later. Okay.

Next time was by a semi-truck. Dunno how I didn't die. The car tipped over and shit.

The third time a motorcyclist ran a red light and he went skeetering across the fucking ground.

The fourth time they said fuck it and handed me a license.

That's how I learned how to drive.

[Spinach]

Dreamer: Wow, that story sucked.

Noelle: Yes. Yes it did. Anyway, what happened to this interview?

Dreamer: Nothing.

Noelle: Something had to have happened, otherwise we wouldn't have paused for so long.

Dreamer: Exactly. Literally nothing happened.

Noelle: ... Technically.

Dreamer: Anyway, I'm out of questions I feel like asking. What about you?

Noelle: I have nothing to ask either.

Dreamer: Let's just end this.

[Ayakashi]

INTERVIEW: A Doctor and her Shadow, a Little Girl and the Sun




The room is empty and covered in dust. There is no sound, a sign of an abandonment that has lasted a little more than a year, almost two years... In a way it's peaceful, tranquillity having finally reached this, the most odd of rooms and-

-the door opens with a crash, and both Irmina and Assassin enter, both Servant and Master dressed in the same sort of black suit, although the slender young masked Servant seems to be tugging uncomfortably at the collar of hers.

Irmina: My, they really did just forget this place existed. It's rather sad, I always thought that this show was quite fascinating! Although, I suppose without a hostess of my caliber it was doomed to eventually fade into obscurity! Right Assassin?

Assassin: Naturally.

Irmina: You don't sound very excited.

Assassin: I'm actually quite excited to see it, I assure you.

Irmina: Oho? Are you really?

Assassin: Yes. In this case, I think you may actually behave yourself for once without being in an emergency room, I'm actually curious to see if you will.

Irmina: ...What's that supposed to mean?

Assassin: It doesn't mean anything.

Irmina: Oi, shinigami, don't just say something like that then try to shift it-

Assassin: The guests are here.

Irmina: *whirls around immediately, a bright smile on her face* Anyway! Hello everyone! I am the Grand Doctor Irmina Von Einzbern, and this is my valued retainer Assassin! Today I shall be reviving the grand tradition of the Interrogation Room! The guests for the evening are Elethia-chan and her Servant Saver!

Assassin: We’ll be doing it without a monetary reward either. Master. You should be more greedy with your time, it's actually worth something to have a Doctor come on your show.

Irmina: *ignoring* Are you ready to begin, you two?

Elethia: T-the door...

[ A rather uncomfortable Elethia is sitting down on a bench, fidgeting with her dress in anxiety.]

Saver: It's not broken, so all is fine, Master.

Elethia: Y-yes, I know, but isn't that a little bit uh, brisk...?

Saver: Merely a show of their enthusiasm. You need not worry about the state of this place at any rate, it's already fallen into disuse so no one will get sued for breaking anything here.

Elethia: Uhuh... but Saver, umm, why are you sitting on the floor instead of on a chair? Don't you want mine? I don't really have to rest since you know...

[ Saver is sitting in seiza-style next to Elethia. While she occasionally dusts off her hakama, the Servant doesn't appear fazed at all by the situation, nor the state of the building in which she is. As always, Saver is glowing like a sun. ]

Saver: From where I come from, that is how we sit. There is no need to worry, Master.

Elethia: O-okay...

Saver: At any rate, I suppose that it is time to begin what we're here for?

Elethia: Yes! I'm very excited that we get to do this uh, interview thingie! With Irmina on top of it all! Hello everyone!

[ Elethia who was all shy and timid suddenly flares up in joy at the prospect of the interview. Saver remains calmly seated but flashes a gentle smile, first to her Master then to the other duo ]

Saver: I hope both of our rather 'bright' dispositions doesn't inconvenience you two too much.

Assassin: The radiance was expected, and cautions were taken. Worry not, it won't become an issue.

Irmina: Indeed. Assassin insisted I bring these, so it's fine.

*Brandishing a pair of sunglasses, the Doctor laughs quietly as she sets them over her eyes*

Irmina: Now then! First order of business! Assassin!

Assassin: Hmmm?

Irmina: The mask. Take it off.

Assassin: Eh?

Irmina: We talked about this, remember? No retainer of mine will hide their face, especially not one as cute as yourself.

Assassin: Cute? You must have an odd definition of cute.

Irmina: Just take it off.

Assassin: *sighs* Very wel, as you wish.

[ Removing the skull mask, which is quickly snatched out of her hands by Irmina, the long-haired Servant simply raises an eyebrow at her Master, before turning her attention back towards the other duo ]

Irmina: Alright. Now that my retainer is actually following directions, we can actually begin~ I believe it's traditional to ask this one, so... Elethia, Saver, what are your expectations for OLYMPUS, and what do you think about the city?

Saver: *Looks at the sunglasses with interest* Quite the handy tools. Maybe I should carry a pair of these around in case I meet people who find my radiance displeasing...

[ In the meanwhile, Elethia beams at Assassin's visage. She honestly thought that the Servant looked scary underneath her skull mask, but now her opinion has done a full 180 degree. ]

Elethia: Wow, miss Assassin is so pretty too... really pretty!

Saver: Peculiar. It would appear that I'd have to dye my hair white to fit with the rest of the people in this room.

[ Saver chuckles. ]

Elethia: N-No, you're pretty just the way you are!

Saver: Rest at ease, that was a joke.

Elethia: Ah... I'm sorry...

Saver: Now now, let us answer their question, shall we?

[ Being reminded the purpose of their presence here, Elethia panics at the idea that she might be annoying Irmina and Assassin with her scatterbrained nature. ]

Elethia: Oh, I'm really sorry Irmina, I got sidetracked by my own inattention! But, uh... what are my expectations of OLYMPUS you say? Well, I think that it's a wonderful place filled with great people that I can become friends with! It's there where I met you after all, and where I met Saver!

Saver: 'Will meet' would be more of a valid statement for my case, Master. I've yet to appear.

Elethia: Huh? What do you mean? I already know you! You're here right by my side, and we're really good friends!

Saver: *internal thought* … am I that bad at trying to be humorous in the meta-sense...? Or maybe is it that we're not allowed to talk about that fabled fourth wall?

Elethia: Saver, what about you? You should answer her question too!

Saver: Oh, pardon me, I was lost in a little bout of self-reflection. Hmm, my expectations of OLYMPUS you say? Certainly it is a lively and entertaining place to be in, but I fear that the very existence of Servants such as Assassin and I... it can only foreshadow days of trouble to come.

[ Saver pauses to sip a can of cola which apparently she had kept in her haori's sleeves. ]

Saver: Though, the institution and facilities present here, as well as the diversity... in no age and time can I think of such a kind of place to have existed. The perfect blend of all kinds of cultures and people – it is a rather unique experience. Like this drink, the fizzling bite coupled with the sweet and cold sensation that washes through the mouth and throat...

[ Saver takes another sip. ]

Elethia: And if people are going to be mean at any rate, we'll beat some sense into them till they become nice! Everyone is going to be friends eventually!

Saver: We will try our best.

Assassin: As expected of Saver.

Irmina: Ah yes, the art of befriending.

Assassin: Art of befriending?

Irmina: Yes. Sometimes, when two people disagree, they aren’t able to understand each other until they cross fists! So they fight, punching and kicking their feelings into each other until they become friends! It's foolish, incredibly idiotic, but oddly beautiful.

Assassin: ...I see. You've been watching weird things again, haven't you? That sounds very... What was it... Anime?

Irmina: Nonsense. It's merely a fact of life!

Assassin: Right.

Irmina: Learn it well! It's also our game plan!

Assassin: ...Well, if that is your wish I will oblige. Although it's quite hard to stop at 'crossing fists' with Servants. Especially for me.

Irmina: It'll be fine! Now, next question! Have either of you ever had ice cream before? If so, what's your favorite flavor? If not, would you like to try some?

Assassin: That's a rather innocent one.

Irmina: Indeed. Although it raises a good point. If you have yet to have any Elethia, I could take you to get one after this if you wish?

Assassin: Wow. Much nicer than usual.

Irmina: Nonsense. I've been benevolent from the start!

Elethia: * nods head with conviction at Irmina's claim of being benevolent *

Saver: I believe that we all have our own ways of seeing “saving” and “benevolence”. Assassin would know best when it comes to such a subject, would you not?

Elethia: Huh?

Saver: Ah, do not mind me Master. Answering the next question is more important.

Elethia: Oh, right, Ice-cream? I was going to say that I've never had that... I'd love if you could give me some!

Saver: It sounds like cream mixed with ice. A refreshing and sweet kind of food similar to this drink I'm having I assume? Although...

[ Saver looks at the can of coke with a glimmer of disappointment. The can is clearly being subject to intense evaporation judging from the droplets forming around it – which is rather weird since the weather is currently rather cold. Even, when Irmina and Assassin entered the room, they might have noticed that the place was comfortably warm, as if a heater had been keeping the place at a room temperature. ]

Saver: … it would probably heat up and lose its coldness within a few seconds, just like that unfortunate drink here.

Elethia: Awww... I can buy you another one!

Saver: You've spent enough today. Eating three serving of curry udon was more than enough.

Elethia: O-okay...

Saver: Besides, this drink being a little bit lukewarm is fine.

Assassin: ...Yes. I suppose I have my own views on benevolence, Saver. Nevertheless, for now, I'm willing to let most of it go and look at everything through her eyes, the world is far less grim that way, more interesting as well.

Irmina: It’s only natural to accept your Master’s perspective! I’m pleased you finally admitted it aloud, but worry not, it’s a vision worth keeping! When I finally become the Greatest Healer, even the world will be repaired!

Assassin: Yes, yes. You’re quite the fascinating one.

*Reaching over to lightly pat Irmina's head, Assassin chuckles as the Doctor freezes in place at the contact, face flushing slightly*

Irmina: H-Hey, what are you-

Assassin: Hmm... Thought so...

Irmina: Thought what?

Assassin: Nothing Master. I just wondered what would happen if I gave you a bit of praise.

Irmina: ...Stop being strange.

Assassin: Haha, I apologize.

Irmina: Honestly, I just can't read you sometimes.

Assassin: It's more entertaining that way.

Irmina: ...Well you're not wrong... Alright! Round three- Wait...

*Looking at the next letter, the girl's eyes narrow at the words "Elethia please go out with me."

Irmina: *whispering*...I'll never allow it. Too young. Assassin.

Assassin: Yes?

Irmina: Memorize the writing. We have someone to find after this... Someone who needs a good talking to...

Assassin: Very well.

Irmina: Anyway, third question! What are your thoughts on romance...? *Muttering* My, so many people are trying to bring down the big sister's wrath today huh…

Elethia: Romance? What's that? I don't think I've been explained that word yet... can you teach me Saver?

[ Saver stops drinking and eyes Irmina and Assassin with a strange expression. It’s like a mysterious cross between a bemused smile and a slight grimace. She doesn’t dwell on it though and turns her attention back to Elethia. ]

Saver: It is basically when two people love each other boundlessly: that is its more popular description. Their mutual appreciation and yearning blesses them with a bond that is said to be the strongest, most moving of all bonds living beings can share.

Elethia: Oh, oh... that sounds amazing! Romance is really an amazing thing! As I love you, even, as I love Irmina a lot, does that mean that I can call that feeling 'romance'?

Saver: Well, it is a complicated thing. Romance, Love... these things are on a conceptual level that you probably can see the outlines of, but cannot fully comprehend yet.

Elethia: Ah... that's a shame... I will ask my 'Humanity' classes teacher to teach me more about that subject then! If it has to do with being friendly to a point where we are friends forever, I will find out everything there is to know about Romance and Love! Or... you could teach me, couldn't you?

Saver: I am not exactly adequate in teaching people about love.

Elethia: Why is that? You're so smart, so pretty, so nice and gentle! Everyone would love you I'm sure!

Saver: Love is born not out of mere superficial appreciation. There has to be yearning, meaning, concepts much more profound.

Elethia: I-I see...

Saver: But yes, before you redirect the question to my thoughts on romance, Assassin, Master Irmina, I can only say that it is a beautiful thing. But then, beautiful are all things which transcend the transient and become eternal.

Irmina: That's quite profound. Although, in my experience, I find that love is often the cause of many a poor decision, beautiful or not. Tis an ailment with just as many negatives as positives, but a fascinating one nonetheless. Assassin, what do you think?

Assassin: ...

Irmina: Hey, hey~! *waves her hand in front of Assassin's face*

Assassin: ...Love certainly leaves an eternal mark. Whether that's a good or bad thing... I'm not really one that can say.

Irmina: Huh... Well, alright, that's a rather vague answer, coming from you.

Assassin: You think so?

Irmina: Of course. But I'll just shake it out of you later, for now, since there's a bit of a time limit, I'll just toss out a few more of these:

"Saver, how do I become like you?"

"What do you consider cute?"

And:

"Why are you two fighting for the Holy Grail?"

Elethia: W-wow, so many questions!

Saver: The first one is… interesting. As are the rest of course. The answer to that person’s question however...

Elethia: Maybe that you could tell her that being kind and gentle? That’s all one needs to become like you! I don’t know anyone kinder and more pretty!

Saver: As convenient and seemingly proper that answer seems, I'm afraid that's not what the person who asked that question meant, but...

Elethia: Eh? What do you mean? *quizzical head tilt*

Saver: I’m afraid that I can only give that person a disappointing answer. To be in my likeness is not possible in most cases, for I am a peculiar circumstance which was created not by human will or effort, but rather by the ambitions of nature. It’s just like how humans cannot be like you, Elethia, for no matter how much they try, for you are fundamentally different from them. Perhaps I’m taking the question a little bit too literally though…

Elethia: Ah…

Saver: But since when has such barriers limited us? Besides, too much of one thing will ultimately leave nothing else other than monotony.

Elethia: Awawawa… that’s horrible...

Saver: That is why being different is not so bad. But we should move on to the next question at any rate. So I’ll let you talk about cute things first Master, isn’t that your specialty?

Elethia: Cute things? Uhhh... I really like these big scaly lizards! What was their name... uh, crocodiles! Yes, they're always smiling and have such a pretty and cute smile... I really want to cuddle them! And, a lot of things really, there are so many cute things… even Irmina is cute! Especially when miss Assassin was patting her head. I didn’t know that Irmina also had a big sister!

Saver: *coughs* I guess that I find foxes rather cute. Their golden fur and fluffy tails inspires a sort of warm and comforting feeling inside me…

Elethia: Oh, yes, these too...

Saver: There are many cute things in this world.

Elethia: And I want to befriend them all!

Irmina: Cute? Me? Well, that’s only natural I suppose, even the Great Doctor has her cute moments. Although crocodiles... Not so sure about their level of cute... Bit too many teeth for my taste. Foxes are undeniably cute however!

Assassin: I agree Elethia, Master Irmina is certainly cute as long as no one is watching.

Irmina: Hey...

Assassin: She’s actually a fan of stuffed animals. Rabbits, bears, ducks, even a platypus, it’s quite fascinating how many she actually has-

Irmina: -Alright! Enough Assassin! This interview isn’t about me!

Assassin: I think people knowing you’re more normal than you let on might actually be good for your image-

Irmina: Ignore her, my ever loyal Servant seems to be treading the line of treason! Anyway, back to you two, reason for wanting the Holy Grail?

Elethia: Holy Grail? Is is it that W-War thing? The stuff that I heard of where people fight each other? That’s just awful… awful! I don’t want to be part of that, better, I want to stop it! People aren’t allowed to hurt each other, so I’ll do my best so that everyone can get along!

Saver: My purpose was accomplished once I my life came to its end, so I have none other goal than to help my Master here. She is still young, so in the end, I will watch over her journey and guide her the best I can. I am a Heroic Spirit with no real use for the Holy Grail, so who knows what I could do with it should I ever obtain it? I know a few people that would wish for ‘world peace’, and perhaps… perhaps that I might be one of those. You see, in the end, both my Master and I are children at heart, teehee…

[ Saver chuckles before shifting her kind tone into one that seems to have a little bit of mischief behind it blended with an increase in solemness. Perhaps that even someone as calm and soft-spoken as her can feel the urge to throw a little taunt. ]

Saver: Per chance; you two might have an idea about putting such a device to a better use?

Irmina: An infinite wish granting device... Putting aside whether or not something so convenient exists at all... I suppose I could think of one or two uses for it if I happened to stumble across it.

Assassin: ...

Irmina: Eradication of worldly disease seems like it might be a good use... No more sickness puts me out of a job, but at the same time, such a thing would cure the world right? I’d be the last and greatest doctor! But still... Something like that is cheating... There might be something else I want... But it’s just a fantasy, not something I’m willing to break my oath as a doctor over. A blood-stained Grail is cursed, not holy, karmic justice seems like it would befall the wielder of such a thing, no?

Assassin: ...As for myself. My wish was already granted when I appeared here; this existence is enough for me. My Master is someone the world has not yet betrayed, I will shield her from that inevitability, and see the results for myself. The Holy Grail is not necessary for that, but if she wishes for it, I shall retrieve it.

Irmina: ...Well, at the very least I’d like to keep you even after all of this is over, Assassin.

Assassin: Yes, yes. I’ll stay with you as long as you wish Master, worry not, there is no other Master for me.

Irmina: Of course there isn’t. *realizes she’s smiling a bit too sincerely, and hurriedly buries the expression* Regardless, a miracle that small should be doable without the use of the Grail, so it is irrelevant. Assassin, in reverence to your loyalty, I will allow you to ask the question before the finale question.

Assassin: I’m honored. Now, let’s see... “What is your least favorite type of person?”

Irmina: These writers are quite negative aren’t they?

Assassin: That seems to be the case.

Elethia: I-I hope that I can become friends with them and make them ask better questions...

Saver: That is very likely, since they will be seeking your interview, and probably you yourself as time passes. Who can possibly resist your innocent charm but a heartless devil?

Elethia: Awawawa... I'm nothing special… you’re the special one Saver!

Saver: Heh. But yes, I don't think that there's any kind of person you dislike in particular?

Elethia: I really don't like bad people! Really, reaaaalllyyyy don't like bad people! Bad people are bad! That's why I have to turn them into nice people!

[ Elethia 'jumps' up and down as she speaks, as if to put emphasis on her dislike. Saver in contrast seems to have been thinking calmly, and as all attention is turned to the sun-like miko, she answers with clear, doubtless eloquence: ]

Saver: Those that have been warped till all that they can feed off from is despair, pain... agony. I find it very hard to hate humans, but when I find anyone who fulfils these criteria, sometimes it is more than sufficient to ignite a spark in my generally tranquil predisposition.

Elethia: S-scary...

Assassin: ...I’m not sure whether or not I can say I’m surprised about that answer.

Irmina: Oh?

Assassin: That may just be how this particular star is. The most brilliant lights always scar the eyes.

Irmina: ...Well, alright then, maybe you’re both just weird.

Assassin: There is no such thing as a ‘normal’ heroic spirit Master.

Irmina: ... Alright, even though it’s annoyingly meaningless I suppose I’ll accept that. One more question and we’ll all hit the ice cream shop alright? What did you think of the interviewers?

[ Elethia’s eyes suddenly light up like fires in the night. ]

Elethia: Oh, oh! That' very simple, I loooooovvvveeee big sis Irmina! *jumps to hug Irmina*

Saver: My, my. Well, having spirited and entertaining interviewers was certainly pleasant. People in my time rarely addressed me with wit, and those who did were more than often not wishing for the best in regards to my health. I must say that I am surprised, Assassin – I expected you to be a little bit more.... gloomier. As you said before however, I suppose that having a lively Master like yours must have contributed to being less in touch with... your 'innate' melancholy and regrets? I speak from experience of course.

[ Saver turns her eyes towards Elethia that is affectionately holding on to Irmina and smiles. ]

Saver: Heh, I'm afraid we can't exactly do as our Masters do. Not that you have any interest in doing so, do you?

Assassin: Shadows scatter at the sight of the Sun... So for now, yes, I’ll have to decline the offer.

[Assassin turns her head slightly, looking over at the two Masters, before smiling slightly]

Assassin: You are right however, I can’t be too melancholic as long as Master is present. A gloomy co host is not entertaining... She was excited about all of this, demanded that we be the ones that got this particular interview, so I did played my role for her sake.

[One eye closed now, the woman smirks]

Assassin: ...Still, I don’t think I’m the really memorable one on this side.

Irmina: Haha! An excellent leap Elethia! Very well, let us go forth! To frozen victory!

Elethia: Yay! *dances in joy*

Assassin: ...And there they go, I suppose I’ll take advantage of Master’s suddenly open wallet as well. I suggest you do the same, it’s a rather rare opportunity.

Saver: A treat you say? Truly there must always be a first time for everything -- let us just hope that it doesn't melt...

Assassin: Just eat it quickly.

Saver: I shall try to keep the memo.

[Kuroyuki]

Reaver: Hello dear readers and listeners, I am the soon to be summoned Servant Reaver with my master Himari Aoyama. Master… Could you quit trying to escape the interrogation room and introduce yourself to the audience?

In front of Reaver is her master Himari who is desperately trying to find a way out of the room. She was eyeing several unconventional exits such as the AC vents and even the window. More specifically the third story window. Occasionally she would look at the door and then scowl at the servant in front of it.

Himari: Reaver! Let me out this instant!

Reaver: Oh my whatever happened to the girl who was all “These sound like fun to do. Set us up for one Reaver!”

Himari: That was before I knew we were interviewing HER!

Reaver: I thought it would be great for you to mingle with your boss outside of the work place.

Himari: You know I try to avoid her because of her dressing up habits! You did this on purpose you traitor of a servant!

Reaver: I do technically qualify for the Betrayer Class as well. But we didn’t come here to talk about me. So sit down across and relax. It’s not like you can survive a third story fall, get into the AC vents, or get to the door behind me.

Himari: You! Fine… I’m Himari Aoyama and I’m looking... forward to interviewing Irmina von Einzbern and her servant Assassin. So please send us your questions via mail or the… Interrogation App on your phone?

Reaver: We’re looking forward to your preliminary questions before admitting our guests.

Himari: ...Interrogation app? I have a bad feeling about this.

__________________________________________________ ______________________


Reaver: Thank you very much for waiting dear readers and listeners. It’s now time to admit our guests.

Himari: Yay...

Reaver opens the door and lets the two guests enter before opening a conspicuously new furnishing in the room. A mini fridge filled with drinks and on top of it is a water boiler and tea pot for hot drinks.

Reaver: Welcome Irmina von Einzbern and servant Assassin. Please make yourself comfortable. If there is anything you want to drink, I would be honored to serve it to you.

Himari: So that’s where the money went this time...

[Airen]

Irmina: Ah, Himari, so you acquired a job here as well?

Assassin: Is it really a job if none of you get paid...?

Irmina: Of course it is dear, experience is it's own reward! Just as valuable as money!

Assassin: ...And now I'm reminded about why I'm the one that balances the finances.

Irmina: Still, complaints of the secretary aside, it seems our popularity has increased! The moment the ice cream run was over, they called us back! Surely Olympus has grown to love my presence!

Assassin: Naturally, you are rather difficult to outright dislike.

Irmina: As for drinks, I believe Assassin and myself would enjoy a nice pot of tea. *Tilts head slightly to the side as she observes Himari with a smile, still standing* Now, Himari, you seem rather low energy today.

*takes a step forward, still smiling, and softly puts her hand on the other girl's forehead, feeling for a fever*

Irmina: Are you feeling alright?

[Kuroyuki]

Reaver: As you wish. I'm glad I will be able to personally make your green tea. Please take care of my master until I'm done.

Reaver started to make the green tea and judging from her movements. She was knowledgeable and experienced in senchado. Not a master of it, but definitely a lot better than you would expect a Reaver to know. Himari on the other hand perked up a little bit from hearing about Reaver's handmade tea, but this meant she didn't notice Irmina until it was too late.

Himari: Ah?!? I-I'm okay! Get away from me you Doctor House ripoff!

Her claim would've been effective if her face wasn't beet red and not look like she has cold.

Reaver: And my Emerald Lily green tea is done. Now then let's get this interview started before there are more lilies than tea. Let's start with some light easy questions.

Himari: R-right. Ahem. To both of you, what is your favorite food?

Reaver: Another reader wants to know if both of you having anything you want to visit on Olympus.

[Airen]

Irmina: I'd believe you if your temperature hadn't just shot up even further.

Making a light ticking sound with her tongue, the silver haired doctor casually grabs a chair and spins it around, sitting down even closer to Himari than her own Servant.

Irmina: Worry not Reaver, I am not allergic to any flowers. I don't believe Himari is either, so for now, I'll just watch over her condition, it's my responsibility as a doctor.

With a smile that had yet to fade, it's unclear if the woman understands the implications behind those words... But the light mischief in it...

Irmina: Still... Favorite Food...? I do not believe I have one. I find that there's something to enjoy in most of the things I eat. How about you Assassin?

Assassin: ...I have grown to be a fan of Western Dishes. If there was something I would have to call a favorite... I suppose it would be that cake Master made for me after I was summoned.

Irmina: Ah? The Chocolate Wave?

Assassin: It was just sweet enough for me.

Irmina: ...I'm a little worried about your taste buds now... I just threw all the chocolate I had into that... I had to eat it slowly... The Calorie Count wound up outrageous...

Assassin: My method of movement burns far more energy than your own, Master.

Irmina: ...I see. Well then, if this is a subtle request, I will take it into consideration. As for where I want to go... Either Vermont Moonlight or the ASCLEPIUS Training Center I suppose?

Assassin: Isn't the training center open?

Irmina: I want to see the training grounds... Enoa can't keep me out forever...

Assassin: Ah. As for myself... I'm fine with just the library... Although that mansion deep in the forest, the one that nobody has been able to get inside... It's rather tempting to... Find a way inside... The most interesting things are always the hidden ones.

[Kuroyuki]

Reaver: Miss Irmina truly you are a gourmet of the finest quality. Judging not by the food's failures but by its positives. While Assassin has surprised us with the revelation of her sweet tooth.

Himari seemed to be carefully thinking about Irmina's way of making her Chocolate Wave. Until she came to some startling but welcoming revelation to her.

Himari: Could it be that... the Great Doctor doesn't know how to cook?!? Of all the things...

Reaver: Master... Could you please not reveal potentially embarrassing revelations without a corresponding question?

Reaver gave a long dramatic sigh and mumbled something about teaching her master a lesson.

Reaver: Himari here's your batch. So Irmina, what do you like and dislike about my master when she's your "assistant"?

Himari: "I want to play 'doctor' with Irmina." What's with all of the wet marks on the page... Oh wait there's a post-script. "I wanna chu-chu Irmina-chan."

There was a slight pause from Himari as she computed what she just read, the wet marks on the page, and quotation marks around the word doctor.

Himari: W-what kind of sick words are you having me say you pervert! Die Hentai!

She tossed up the piece of mail and burnt it up with one of her sword techniques.

Himari: These kinds of "questions" are BANNED. BANNED YOU HEAR ME!

Behind her, Reaver gives off a triumphant smile.

[Airen]

Irmina: Oh my...

Assassin: *Small, almost unnoticeable twitch*

Irmina: Well, I suppose such statements are inevitable. Naturally, as the Great Doctor my beauty is of a high tier, and the shell of anonymity allows one to say what they wish... Alas, such things are cowardice. I am nobility, if you wish to court me, then do it properly, stand before me and be judged as you are! Of course, Assassin has already volunteered to help weed out the unworthy, so your chances are rather slim I'm afraid.

Assassin: ...*Eyes scream "No one is getting past me"*

Irmina: *Smiles again, the serious face returning to light amusement as she tilts her head* Still, hearing Himari say such things was rather amusing, for that alone I will forgive the transgression. As for the things I like and dislike about my assistant... Well, she is entirely dishonest with her feelings, it's both alarming and amusing.

*crossing her arms, the young woman smirks to herself as she nods once, eyes closed*

Irmina: The things she says are more often than not the opposite of what she actually means, I invite her along on an ice cream run when the day ends, she says no, then gets mad when I take her seriously and leave without her... It took me awhile to get used to it, but it's a source of both amusement and annoyance.

Assassin: To be fair Master, you aren't entirely honest with your feelings either-

Irmina: Silence. Assassin.

[Kuroyuki]

Himari: It isn't right when the Assistant has to leave after the Doctor has left especially when they're leaving for pleasure! A-Also it just so happened that I was walking that way and wanted an ice cream. It was entirely a coincidence! I wasn't looking forward to eating ice cream with you at all!

Reaver: Sure sure Himari. Whatever makes you sleep at night... So that means you don't want to go eat at the Vermont Moonlight after the interview with Irmina or Assassin?

Himari seemed to be trapped in a mental dilemma of wanting to eat there to have their heavenly shakes. But on the other hand, that would mean she would have to honestly admit that she enjoys being with Irmina and Assassin outside of her "work." Instead of choosing, she chose to stall.

Himari: I-I'll think about it.

Judging by the look on Reaver's face, she knows that Himari wants to go but can't be honest unless say someone else were to invite her too. So while Himari was going through the questions, Reaver gave Irmina a gesture seemingly saying 'your turn.'

Himari: A-ahem. "A Certain Newcomer" sent something to Irmina. "I've heard that Miss Irmina is known as 'The Great Doctor.' Does that mean you not only have access to healing magecraft, but also the medical knowledge needed to perform check-ups, surgery and other "scientific" healing?" That's actually a good question... Despite being your "assistant" I don't think I know the answer to that question.

Reaver: For you Assassin and if you want Irmina, what's the most gruesome thing you've seen in your line of work and has there been a time where it was too much for you? Hmm a bit gruesome but that is a good question for an Assassin and a doctor.

[Airen]

Irmina: There's nothing to think about dear, I'll pay for it, so allow me to spoil you Himari.

*Brushing the hair from her eyes, the silver haired doctor continues on without pause*

Irmina: And yes, I'd go so far as to say my skills as a surgeon are superior to my skills as a magus. There are some things that can only be done with magecraft true, but I'm no stranger to the old fashioned methods. There are few operations that I would say exist outside of my skillset... There are likely many rare afflictions that exist on OLYMPUS, but I have come here to master their treatment as well, so they will not remain out of my reach for long. In the end, I will defeat Death, that is my goal. Assassin?

Assassin: Gruesome scenes? A blood-stained forest, the scattered remnants of my targets... I was never particularly messy... Well, certainly my cruelest moments were no worse than the blood soaked battlefields left behind by the more noble 'heroes.' The goal was simply to end their existence, I did not let them suffer. I can't say I've seen anything that would constitute as too much, even my death was acceptable, quick, clean, no room to fight back. That is the ideal method.

Irmina: As for myself... I suppose those Agonist patients that experience mutation face rather gruesome changes, never particularly pleasant to view... But the body is a machine that I am used to seeing. Blood does not frighten me, nor do wounds, being unable to deal with those things would make me an inadequate doctor.

[Kuroyuki]

Himari: I don't need you to pay for me... But since you and Reaver insist on inviting me. I suppose I can eat there with you two. Be grateful that Reaver can pay for all of us with her Golden Rule skill!

Meanwhile Reaver was ignoring her master's tsundere rant to continue the interview properly.

Reaver: I guess that is true. Ending a man's life swiftly is better than slowly carefully prolonging their demise. Like... placing people into a boiling pot. Certainly more haunting and sometimes amusing than say slitting their throat.

And during this time Himari was looking for the next set of questions when she suddenly starts smiling. It's sort of like the smile you have when you're ready to use your perfect counter against your enemy.

Himari: Oh these should be interesting...

Reaver: Let me see Master... Indeed this should be interesting. Granted I don't think Assassin and I will care so much about the second one.

Himari: A reader wants to know how big Irmina's stuffed animal collection is.

Reaver: Another reader is curious on how old do you think Irmina is mentally Assassin. Also Irmina tell us your real age.

Himari blushes before reading the next one. It's clearly not indecent as the one she previously cut up, but still something slightly embarrassing.

Himari: A reader sent a message saying "What's your ROMANCE? It's gotta be drills right?" Romance? D-drills?!? W-what kind of perverted romance involves drills...

[Airen]

Irmina: Golden Rule you say...

Looking at Reaver again, this time with a set of eyes that seemed almost... Predatory, the silver haired doctor that has glimpsed an entirely new avenue to a solution to some sort of distant problem, doesn't snap out of it until Assassin shows herself determined to continue on without her.

Assassin: Mentally speaking? It is difficult to say, she is quite childish a lot of the time, but when it really matters, she acts like an adult... So, sixteen or seventeen. She's a teenager, through and through.

Irmina: This body has been functional for around seventeen years. I am an older model than the others, but that doesn't mean I am inferior to the newer models, it simply took the Old Man longer to willingly let go of me, as I was quite useful around the Castle.

While one could take her sudden seriousness as a sign of her taking things seriously, Assassin, leaning back in her seat, shatters that illusion shortly afterwards.

Assassin: While she's pretending not to have heard the question, I'd say the stuffed animal collection is around... Eighty or so? I took a count when I was first summoned, but I believe she is continuing to add onto it as time passes, so it's no longer an accurate count.

Irmina: My my, it seems someone wants to be stuck in spirit form for the next week.

Assassin: Not particularly bothersome.

Irmina: Also the couch.

Assassin: That's also fine. You're not nearly cold-hearted enough to make a punishment actually sting, Master. Really, aren't you the one that likes to cuddle anyway-

Irmina: ANYWAY! Romance! Drills! I'm not entirely sure what you mean! The only notable drills I know of are those that pierce the heavens! And that was a different form of love entirely!

A poor attempt at a redirect.

[Kuroyuki]

Reaver stiffens suddenly before looking around the room slightly worried.

Himari: So the Great Doctor is normally childish I see. I guess I don't see that as often because I'm using nearby her when it's time for her to be serious. So I guess I normally get to see her cool side... I mean she's just doing her job properly not looking cool at all!

Reaver for once wasn't commenting on Himari's tsundere instead mumbling something while slightly worried.

Reaver: This feeling... It reminds me of my master abusing my money gathering ability... I heard rumors of someone similar to them being summoned but could they be nearby right now... I know I have Himari as my new master, but I know how they are if I haven't at least said hi...

Himari: Huh so you're only a year older than me. I figured you were a little older. Then again, Elethia told me that you're in year 2 and not year 3 like Will.

Reaver: I should approach this person and introduce myself just in case, but then I risk being wrong and placing Himari in danger.... But on the other hand, I risk being shot full of bullets or being burnt alive if they find out I'm here and didn't attempt to say hi.

Himari: Then again I didn't know you had eighty plus stuffed animals and that's only since Assassin has been summoned... Wait since we're currently in a timeless region in a sort of meta-leaning area won't that mean Irmina's collection could approach infinity. Your room must have a pocket dimension by this point in time...

Reaver: I should say greet them as soon as possible, but I'm honorbound to finish this Interrogation.

Himari: Okay. Let's see... A few of our reader's are curious on what are your thoughts towards your fellow Einzbern Irmina? Reaver you find a question yet? Reaver? Hey REAVER!

Reaver seemingly doesn't hear Himari during her slight worry about her former lord's reaction. Himari seems to be getting a little irritated as she's ignored more and more until eventually she just starts driving her elbow impatiently into Reaver's side.

Reaver: Maybe this room will be able to protect me fro- Himari quit elbowing me while I'm thinking about something important!

Himari: Reaver read the question before our readers get bored!

Reaver: I deeply apologize for the wait dear readers and listeners. I was... looking for an appropriate question and just received one on my phone.

Himari: Wait when did you get a cell phone...

Reaver: You mentioned that you were in charge of handling the fiances for the two of you. How difficult is it to keep Irmina's clinic running and stuffed animal buying from going into the red?

[Airen]

Irmina: Pocket Dimension? Yes, the time warp is starting to become quite distressing. According to Assassin, we actually haven't met yet, so I'm afraid of somehow running into myself on accident, nevertheless, I have chosen not to think too heavily about the exact nature of when and where this room is. Experience dictates we'll just wander into another warp eventually, and things will sort themselves out.

Assassin: It's probably for the best.

Irmina: Now, my feelings for my fellow Einzbern? While they may not be quite as unique as myself, they are still my ever precious family. Some of them I want to slap, some of them I want to spoil, and occasionally I get the urge to discipline the newer models... So, it's the usual family situation I suppose... I aspire to be the respected older sister. Soon enough, they will all understand, even the ones older than myself. I can be the younger, older sister, actual age is not a problem, even Ursula could use a good talking too.

Assassin: ...Leaving that aside for now. The question of finances is tricky, she makes a lot of the medicine herself, so costs can be cut so long as we continue to acquire materials through alternative means, however, those means are inherently tiring, and well... Medicine isn't cheap... She likes to do it for free... We don't avoid the red so much as we live right on the edge of the red... In essence... I will solve the problem by beginning to charge money.

Irmina: Well, I've thought of joining the hospital. But, that would inhibit personal use of resources. So... I suppose that this too, is a trial of the Great Doctor.

[Kuroyuki]

Himari: I know the feeling. Your family may annoy you, but they're your family. You spoil the younger ones. Slap the ones closer to your age. Well I won't ever be a younger Older Sister since I'm the eldest.

Reaver: I guess I had some "siblings" but we weren't related by blood. So it's a little different in my case.

Himari: That does remind me, Manami has been trying to enter as a Hebe 3rd Year student... Maybe I should check to make sure she isn't pushing herself too hard right now.

Reaver: Also your financial situation must be serious... I managed to run a country and I don't think I could run a clinic without using my personal skill. So you have my respect for keeping up the clinic for so long.

Himari: Wait is that why the assistants aren't paid?!? Because you do everything for free basically?!?

Himari frantically digs through questions.

Himari: There you are! "What sort of benefits does one get if they work as an assistant? Is there workmans comp? Dental plan?" So Irmina... Where is my workmans comp?

Reaver: Well I could personally help but I'm sure it's better to keep me away from your clinic. My healing is... painful and I would be unable to take the Hypocritical Oath thanks to that. And I don't feel like grinding in dungeons everyday for Golden Rule. Well this might help you though. "Are you interested in working as a School Idol?"

Himari looks at Reaver as if she has grown a second head before getting a huge blush on her face.

Himari: There's no way I'm joining DOK12. Wearing something frilly and that exposing in front of everyone... I can't do something embarrassing like that!

Reaver: You would think you would be used to it with your "work" outfit.

Himari: That is that! This is this!

[Airen]

Irmina: ...I am the Dental plan. If you ever find yourself hurting in any way, I will take care of it. Extra special employee service will be me escorting you through the dungeons as the field medic for free. It's a rather generous offer, I could probably charge for it.

Assassin: Its in your best interest to charge for it.

Irmina: *ignoring* As for working as a School Idol? I hadn't really thought about it until now, but I suppose I wouldn't have a problem with it.

Assassin: Oh? That's surprising...

Irmina: There's nothing to be embarrassed about; the clothing isn't completely tasteless, it would show a bit more skin than I'm accustomed to, but that's fine, being beautiful is an asset, it is nothing to be ashamed about! If my appearance inspires fans, than so be it, the experience alone would probably be worth it. Ah... But I haven't sung in some time, I would have to practice a bit first...

Assassin: ...So you're actually considering it?

Irmina: You have been recruited as a backup dancer, we'll practice when we get home.

Assassin: *closes eyes* Very well. I assume my mask is banned there as well?

Irmina: Naturally.

Assassin: ...Understood.

[Kuroyuki]

Himari: Wait so I really don't get Worksman's comp?!? I guess I can take some solace that my dungeon runs will be safe. With both Lapis and Irmina there... And hopefully we won't have to use Reaver.

Reaver: Come on Master. You're alive at least.

Himari: IT HURTS SO MUCH.

Reaver: C'mon it doesn't hurt that much.

Himari: Your class skill! Your class skill is cheating! You literally can't feel it!

Reaver: Mah mah. If I was summoned under a different class, I would've had Battle Continuation or Dignity of the Rear Guard instead.

Himari remembers what Irmina has said about the Idol Group.

Himari: Wait is she serious... Is she seriously going to try and rival Muse... First it'll be her and Assassin. Then us the assistants. Our friends next?

Then her eyes became dull upon the realization of something.

Himari: Ahahaha. My social life it's on fire. Slowly burning to ashes.

Reaver nudges Himari till her eyes turn back to normal.

Himari: I'm sorry I'm better now. Okay final two questions. Irmina mentioned previously that you've watched anime. What kinds of anime do you watch and which one is your favorite? Assassin do you watch with her?

Reaver: Oh this topic again. What is your ideal date?

Himari: I'm not sure if the people asking these are just preparing intensively or creepy...

[Airen]

Assassin: She seems to like these "Shonen," types of shows.

Answering for her Master, who is still pondering the intricacies of forming an idol group, the silver haired Servant crosses her arms, seeing no real harm in this particular bit of information.

Assassin: Lots of yelling, and explosions, and passionate declarations. She gets super into it, and even memorizes the speeches. *coughs, as if to clear her throat, then stomps down hard on the ground, expression serious* We evolve, beyond the person that we were a minute before! Little by little, we advance a bit further with each turn, that's how a drill works!"

Irmina: Heh...

Assassin: Or something like that anyway. It was a rather inspiring show I suppose, the name escapes me, but I would watch it again... Still, I prefer things that are a bit less over the top myself.

Irmina: Says the heroic spirit.

Assassin: That's exactly why...

Irmina: As for an ideal date...? I'm not sure... I don't have much experience with such things, but someone exciting I suppose? If the other person is interesting, what exactly we do doesn't matter very much.

Assassin: Let's leave it at that Master. Don't want to give any stalkers too much information...

Irmina: Eh, it's fine. As long as I have you, no one can touch me.

Assassin: That's true enough, but still, I'd rather not be forced to cut down your fan base, or some fool thinking the medic is an easy target.

Irmina: I trust your contingency plans.

Assassin: Let's not talk about those either.