Family Affairs (Arturia, Lancelot, Really Bad Old English)

[Crimson13]

Once I read Funkmaster Lance I immediately pictured Lancelot in full armor getting on top of the Round Table and bringing down the Funk. Glorious.

Also, it's hilarious to hear words like boning and wang in old English. Just say it out loud, "Thou art boning with thy wang." keeps on making me giggle. Truly another star in the space of your greatness Moczo.

[RadiantBeam]

... Now I am wondering what I would do with Mordred, and how she/he would further deteriorate the trailer park that I have made of Camelot.

Clearly, she would openly lust after her father and try to seduce her at every available opportunity.

[Aiden]

Clearly, she would openly lust after her father and try to seduce her at every available opportunity.

This would grind away at what little sanity Saber still has.

[Lycodrake]

This would grind away at what little sanity Saber still has.

Or Saber could/would ignore her like Kiritsugu ignores Saber.

[RadiantBeam]

Or Saber could/would ignore her like Kiritsugu ignores Saber.

That's no fun and nowhere near as hilarious.

[DezoPenguin]

Clearly, she would openly lust after her father and try to seduce her at every available opportunity.

How did I know that if the topic of lesbian incest was raised, it would be Beam who did it?

[Aiden]

I mean it's not like we're imagining Mordred in a revealing dress propping herself up on her father's bed when Saber comes home from a hard day of doing King stuff.

[DezoPenguin]

We're not?

*checks brain*

No, I think I definitely am.

[RadiantBeam]

How did I know that if the topic of lesbian incest was raised, it would be Beam who did it?

I suppose this means I've become predictable. But hey, it would be played for humor, which is different! So I'm half predictable, half different!

... Right?

[Aiden]

We're not?

*checks brain*

No, I think I definitely am.

Comrade!

@Beam: Eh, sometimes predictable is nice.

[Polly]

I mean it's not like we're imagining Mordred in a revealing dress propping herself up on her father's bed when Saber comes home from a hard day of doing King stuff.

So basically, Mordred becomes Nero? With daddy issues.

[Aiden]

So basically, Mordred becomes Nero? With daddy issues.

Of course not.

Nero's chest is bigger.

[Polly]

Nothing her mommy Morgan can't take care of.

[Laith]

Or Saber could/would ignore her like Kiritsugu ignores Saber.

So that's why Mordred attacked Camelot. She just wanted attention =V

[DezoPenguin]

Artoria tugged at her hair in frustration after once again being routed from her own bedroom. It was as if some helpful, squirrel-minded person had given Mordred a complete schedule of when Lancelot and Guinevere would not be making use of said bedroom and therefore when the King expected to find some peace and quiet.

"Nay, for it doth be incest! And she is mine own daughter who seems to think that she is a man, besides!"

It was on days like this when Artoria missed Merlin's presence. The great wizard could always be counted on to take the long view of things, to consider perspectives that were outside the experience of knighthood. Which encompassed quite a lot of perspectives, actually, given that much of the Round Table confined their areas of expertise to "hitting people with heavy things" and "stabbing people with pointy things." Overspecialization, really. Probably too much training in the latter area was how Lancelot had gotten into trouble in the first place.

She was getting off topic.

Sighing, Artoria leaned back against the wall and asked herself, "What would'st Merlin sayeth in this circumstance?"

The answer came to her with surprising quickness. Apparently she'd spent way too much time with Merlin in her youth.

"Get thine arse in thy bedroom and boink said young lady silly. Thusly, so wilt thou defuse the tension that doth threaten thine realm, and so secure the safety of all future Britons. Oh, and have thy court artist on hand to draw pictures for me."

She straightened up, faced the bedroom door, and squared her shoulders. The duties of kingship were arduous, but Artoria knew what she had to do.

"...Mayhap I could instead find some way to reverse time and sticketh some other foolish wretch with this job?"

[Aiden]

...

Dezo you are amazing.

[Polly]

"Get thine arse in thy bedroom and boink said young lady silly. Thusly, so wilt thou defuse the tension that doth threaten thine realm, and so secure the safety of all future Britons. Oh, and have thy court artist on hand to draw pictures for me."

I fell off my chair after reading this line. You, sir, are a genius.

[Aiden]

Merlin's priorities are perfect.

[ILurkNoMoar]

Merlin's priorities are perfect.

He is half incubus according to some sources, so this behavior is to be expected.

[RadiantBeam]

*snipped for awesome hilarity*

Poor Arturia. Maybe next time she'll remember not to consider the advice of a man who gave her a penis as a joke!