2013 Fanfic Contest Entries, The Humoring

[Aiden]

My very unprofessional opinion is, unsurprisingly, identical to RadiantBeam's in this matter.

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Though the Arihiko piece was pretty golden, in all seriousness. A bit long, but...

[Servant Shiki]

I loved Woes of a Wingman but I don't see why the author saw the need of putting the Fate characters in it.

[DezoPenguin]

"An Epic Romance" was worth a snicker. One snicker. But that's not bad on a lines-to-chuckles ratio. On a non-joke entry, I found "Woes of a Wingman" also quite funny but just a bit too much writing in places; a little cleanup would have made the jokes hit harder and I was actually getting a bit tired of reading by the end of the fic (probably why the Kohaku section produced less laughter as I read than it does in my head thinking about it later). Plus, yes, the Issei-and-Shirou appearance added zero to the story, was the least humorous section, and destroyed the uniqueness value of "Someone actually wrote a Tsuki fic!" But it was still quite entertaining. "Happy Riniversary" was also funny, though my eyes burn from the formatting, so I probably should reread it later when that's cleaned up.

[Santo]

A visit to the beach:

Didn't botherfinishing.

A Wingman's Woes:

It was very enjoyable. Had me chuckling quite a few times. It could have done with a little trim down, but it was still funny to read.

The addition of Fate characters you could have done without. Although I'll admit that at first I thought that it was Kokutou.

The ending...well...no comment on that one.

An Epic Romance:

Ok, I laughed.

You sir/madam got balls.

Crunchy and Good With Ketchup:

Hrm...it was funnyish? It drew a chuckle for me once or twice but its not anything too great?

No idea what you wanted to do with the gag at the end.

Happy Riniversary:

I grinned, I chuckled, and last but not least, I had a blast reading that. Good stuff.

I'll finish reading the others later.

[Neir]

Riniversary would have been good if not for the sudden influx of terrible forced jokes. Went too far with the Swedish thing. Really, would have been solid if not for the... I don't even have a good word for it.

Wingman was good, and actually funny. My favorite in the category.

[Laith]

Overuse is a good word.

[Lycodrake]

What Neir said, basically.

[Moczo]

Hm.

Well, don't wanna give much away, but I'll say that 'Wingman' is my favorite one I didn't actually write. If I have to lose to any one story in the category, I'd take that one best.

[Kelnish]

Confirmed for Moczo writing Wingman.

[Leftovers]

Moczo's affinity for

Spoiler:

wordplay

kinda sorta gives it away.

[Moczo]

You people have so little faith in me. Which is why not one of you will be spared. When I rule, each and every one of you will suffer a thousand lifetimes of anguish compressed into the single moment I am willing to expend to extinguish every one of your meaningless existences. I am sad.

[Aiden]

I am glad to not be in their number.

[Moczo]

I am glad to not be in their number.

Good man. Go grab your whip and armor with spikes, and help motivate the workers in the Agony Mines, you've earned it.

[Santo]

I am not in their number.

But I find myself happy due to your sadness.

This puts me in a precarious position. =,=

[Etzel]

Alas, poor Arihiko.

[Fenrir]

Humor is the hardest category because it's so subjective. Being honest, I typically avoid humor as far as fanfiction goes. I much prefer to read about parings, drama, and all that kind of stuff, but I really did want to provide some kind of feedback for the folks that entered. I'll go in the order that they were posted. Again, I'm not a judge for the contest so don't take the scores to heart or anything.

First, A visit to the beach.

As far as this contest goes, I like to think of technical writing as the means to let the reader see the story. Unfortunately, there were quite a few obstructions here. There were errors, tense issues, and a little too much word repetition. Most glaring of all was the format. It wasn’t an easy story to read, but I could still follow what was going on. Thankfully, I feel like humor doesn’t really on technical writing as much as the other sections. I think I’d go with a 17 here.

Artistry suffered, too. While humor isn’t as reliant on technical writing as some of the other categories are, it depends on the writer’s style more than anything else. This entry had a tendency to tell instead of show the readers what was going on. A particular telling thing about this entry is the amount of dialogue. I think there was more talking than description and that really hurt this story a lot. As far as comedy goes, I think this story had a few good moments that ended up not being used effectively. Sakura’s naiveté seemed like a good play, for example, but it was too brief. There were moments like that throughout the entry, some perhaps a little too juvenile for the judges and others just complicated by the way the story was written. I think I’d go with a 12.

Hmm, characterization was okay. The trouble here is what I expressed in artistry. The reader is seeing the characters through dialogue. Still, there were enough of the characters here that I could still get a feel for them. That’s all you really need from humor considering that the writer often has to alter character traits a bit to get some laughs. I’d go with 13.

The story was pretty consistent. I felt like the writer wrote the story he or she wanted to do and stuck to it all the way to the end. I do have to admit that it feels lacking, like the writer originally wanted the entry to be a little longer, but that, by itself, isn’t enough for me to deduct anything. I’d go with 10.

Sadly, the story isn’t really unique at all. Beach episodes in anime are typically there just for the sake of being there. Beach chapters in stories are arguably worse in that they don’t have the same fanfare involved with the visual medium. Using the concept of a trip to the beach as the framework for the story was risky because of such, and this entry didn’t overcome the hurdles inherent to the idea. There were some okay parts, but it just wasn’t enough to make this a top entry. I’d have to give it a 4 here.

Overall, this entry ended up with a 56. I end up feeling that this writer took on more than he or she could handle. As odd as it sounds, a beach story isn’t easy precisely because it is easy. It’s not easy to impress with this kind of story, and anything handled poorly has an even greater effect on the entry as a whole. This story was bogged down by its problems, and never really recovered that well.

A Wingman's Woes.

This story was okay technically. There was the occasional error and I felt like there were spots that suffered from a little too much repetition, but that’s not too bothersome considering the length of the entry and the category it is in. I’d go with a 24.

Artistry wise, I felt things were a little rocky. The writer did a good job bringing the reader on the journey with Arihiko. From the inception of the story to the very end, the reader is met with Arihiko’s eager expectations and, later, subsequent result of his attempted conquests. That much said, Arihiko is the heart of this story and he came across really well and made for some good moments. The problem was that I felt like those opportunities were marred by how long some of them dragged on. I think a 20 will suffice here.

Characterization was good. The entire story was dependent on Arihiko, and the writer carried the story to a higher plane via his character. Arikiho was interesting here, providing way more presence than the typical best friend character. The comedy value was entirely reliant on the writer’s ability to express Arihiko’s desires in direct contrast to the characters of the girls. Normally, I’d assess every single character featured, but I think the strength of Arihiko here serves to make this entry an exception. Full marks here. 20.

For consistency, I have to note that the option to throw in characters from Fate/Stay Night didn’t do good things for the story. It felt like they were just thrown in, and, because of that, the whole scene felt out of place. I think it would have been a better story as a whole had that part been omitted. 6.

I’m obliged to go with full points for uniqueness. I never read a story that put Arihiko in the driver seat. As far as entries go, it’s not easy to submit something staring a side character. 10.

At 80, I can safely say that it was a good story. It’s unfortunate because I felt like this entry could have earned some easy points just by changing a few things and handling the scene with the Fate characters better. As it stands, Arihiko shined here and I feel that was the writer’s intent all along. Good job.

Crunchy And Good With Ketchup.

Technically, this story was alright. It had a fair share of problems, though. One thing in particular that bothered me was the use of all caps. I definitely understand what the writer was trying to get across, but I’ve always felt one was much better off merely describing the intensity or tone in the narrative as opposed to just putting the dialogue in all caps. Again, humor stories are pretty much allowed some leeway technically. 20.

Artistry was all over the place. This entry’s approach to humor was found in mayhem. Right from the start, things take off. Issei trying his best to prevent pollution, Kotomine doing his thing, Gilgamesh backhanding, the dragon rising out of the lake… There was a lot taking place simultaneously, but I think the good parts here were when the story slowed down to focus on something for a really brief moment. The only big negative is that the whole story pretty much felt like watching a clown car fly by on the freeway. You saw something amusing, but the whole thing passed you by really fast. The thing about that is that it didn’t feel intentional as much as it felt really rushed. 14.

I felt like all parties involved were there characterization wise. I would have liked to see the writer play more off Kotomine as the straight man, but pretty much everyone was just a little bit off of their true characters. That’s the way things usually need to be in comedy, though. 14.

I’m actually not really sure where I want to go with consistency. This entry kind of just passed me by, but it was a humor story for sure. The writer went all out. That much, I can appreciate. There was no hint of this story having ambitions of being anything other than a comedy. Having a short story is cool, but I can’t help but harp on the feeling that it was too rushed. I’ll go with a 7.

Unfortunately, most of the humor stories I catch are similar to this one. That alone keeps me from awarding a good deal of points, but the most important thing is that the dragon made a difference. I think I’ll go with a 6 here, too.

At the end of the day, at 61, this entry was alright. It felt too busy and too brief, an extremely poor combination for a comedy. I think slowing things down would have benefited this entry, but I’m not even sure. The stuff presented here is a bit more slapstick than some of the other entries so maybe this was the only way to really maintain the kind of story the writer wanted without making it drag.

Happy Riniversary.

This entry is really strong technically, especially for a humor story. I feel that technical writing is merely the means by which you let the reader see the story. That’s why, to me, stories don’t necessarily gain points here. They only lose them. I start every entry off with the max score and pick off points as I go along. The reason why I mention as much here is because I was really pleased with the technical quality of this entry. There was only one thing that bothered me and it was really a minor nitpick more than anything else. I have to go with a 29.

Artistry wise? This is probably a winning entry. The writer’s descriptions were really crisp. More than any of the other humor stories, the writer of this entry paid close attention to detail and honed in on every opportunity to maximize every scene. I think it’s really important to make mention of that much because a lot of stories didn’t deliver in that aspect. Here, there was way more substance to every scene. Dialogue wasn’t used to merely fill gaps in narrative. This story was both carefully crafted and effective in terms of what it wanted to do. I can’t help but go with a 30. Excellent work.

Characterization was spot on. I’m actually kind of proud of the section as a whole considering that everyone managed to pull something off that didn’t do a disservice to any of the characters for real. Still, this entry came up big in that regard. Rin and Luvia were the main characters here, and, not only did they feel true to their character, the writer manufactured some of the best chemistry between characters in the whole contest. Rin and Luvia played really well off each other and the story was a beautiful thing because of it. 20.

The entry was consistent enough. I actually felt like it tended to drift a little too much in narrative sometimes, and I didn’t necessarily like it when it did. I’m sure that, more than anything else, it was an attempt to add to the humor so I don’t want to deduct much when it was intentional. I’ll go with 8.

Hmm, it’s kind of hard to determine what to do here. Rin and Luvia aggravating each other isn’t exactly rare, but I’ve never seen it done this well before. I can say that I’ve never seen it played like this, though, so I think I’ll go with another 7.

I think a 94 overall score pretty much shows how high an opinion I have of this entry. All the humor entries were entertaining in their own way, but I felt like this one ascended a little higher than the others. This entry was more than just amusing. It was a good, solid story in its own right, plenty strong enough to compete against stories from other categories. I sincerely wish the writer good luck.

Jam.

Technically, this story had more than a few problems. I understand that a lot of it was for effect, but I was always one that believed yelling and all that much was better reflected with description with the occasional exception. Here, the writer took that too far and it didn’t really work well. There were also some errors of varying sorts. I say technical writing isn’t that important for comedy, but it still has a place in any story. I’d say that this one gets an 18.

Artistry wasn’t that good here. This story, more than any other humor entry, suffered from telling too much and not showing nearly enough. Not only that, but I ultimately ended up feeling that this would story would have been much better had it stayed away from breaking the fourth wall. I’d go back to that in consistency, but the writing here really wasn’t effective for what the writer wanted to do. Instead of reading and visualizing a basketball game of epic proportions, I felt like the writer was merely telling me about something. Characters bumbled in out of nowhere and pretty much vanished after a few lines. I know that it was humor, but there wasn’t much in the way of showing that it was actually a pretty close game. The only things displayed in any detail were the skills showcased. That much was a given. I’m grateful for that much, but there was so much potential for this to be more. Choosing to have the character spend a good part of the entry talking about fanfiction and the like was a fatal flaw in my opinion. 12.

Characterization was off, but in a good way. Shiki played a straight man and there were a lot of cameos. Naturally, everyone isn’t going to get a good chance to show much of their integral character, but I really believe that the writer tried his or her best this aspect. Even with that much stated, quite a few characters felt relatively hollow. 12.

Consistency was hurt by the choices made by the writer here. I understand that the fourth wall stuff was brought about solely because the writer believed it’d be funny and add to the entry, but it really felt like it took a lot away from the story. If that stuff was omitted and if more focus was placed on the basketball game, I believe this story would have been a lot better. There were some other issues I had, but I just felt like that was the one of the reasons this entry misfired. 5.

Thankfully, I never read anything like this entry. Never seen any TM characters deal with a Space Jam. That, by itself, is reason enough for full points. There’s also a high level of difficultly here. The writer wasn’t quite able to overcome the problems presented by using this kind of concept, but I’m not mad that he or she tried. 10.

I know a 57 isn’t a good score, but it really serves to show I’m disappointed in this entry. This story, more than any other I’ve read thus far, could have been way better than this. The makings of good humor is letting your story make opportunities, and capitalizing on them. This entry felt contrived, and missed a bunch of chances. My advice to the writer is to let the story breathe. Sometimes a story will pretty much write itself as long as the writer lays the framework properly.

The Jeweled sword of Zelretch.

Technically, this story is fine. I didn’t catch any errors, but, like I’ve been doing with other stories, there are some instances where I nitpicked a little. I’d say that this is a 25.

This wasn't a strong entry as far as artistry was concerned. This entry didn’t reach for humor as much as the other stories did. That comedy here was supposed to be found in the reason the weapon could misfire, so to speak, but it was understated. The explanation of why was good enough, but the main reason I feel like this entry had some problems here and there was because of how the entire story read. At the beginning of the entry, we’re with Rin in the midst of a fight and, after a quick transition; we’re with Zelretch and his debauchery. That’s cool and all, but that whole part read like an article instead of a story. 18.

Characterization isn’t really that hard to score here considering there were only two characters, with only one being featured for real. That said, Zelretch came across okay considering that there wasn’t any dialogue. Like I noted earlier, this entry told a lot more than it showed, but it did a good job of displaying how whimsical a character Zelretch is supposed to be. I’d go with 15 here.

Consistency? Even though it was really short, I felt like it was fully meant to be that way. Unlike some of the other entries, the writer had a really tight grip on the story and kept it from straying from what he or she wanted it to be. To me, consistency is pretty much a question of how much did the writer stick to the plan and I felt like the writer did a good job here. 10.

It’s a unique story in the sense of the approach. Zelretch foiling Rin somehow isn’t exactly new, but it’s not all too often to catch a story that goes way back to explain the ramifications of past coming into the present. It’s not unusual to see that as a part of a story, but that was the whole story for this entry. That was interesting, but the concept here was pretty safe compared to the other stories in the section. I’d go with a 6.

I think a 74 fits. This entry didn’t aspire for much comedy wise. As one of the shorter entries, it had to pull off something pretty good to beat out the stories that aspired for more than a few jokes or the like. It didn’t succeed in that regard, but the writing was enough to pull it above some of the rest.

I was busy and, like I mentioned before, I'm not really all that big on humor so it took some time to make it through the stories, but I really want to thank you guys for entering. To talk about section as a whole, I feel like pretty much half of the stories suffered from a flaw big enough to take a solid chunk of points away. Only two stories in this section avoided that fate: A Wingman's Woes and Happy Riniversary. In A Wingman's Woes, Arihiko came up big, but that wasn't enough to quell the feeling that the part with the Fate characters came across poorly. It was disjointed, and felt forced. That's definitely not good, but it's not a story killer. The problem is that it was competing against a story that was free of such a flaw. Happy Riniversary is a story that could easily win the contest outright. It was meticulous, something really rare for a humor, and it didn't contain anything that I felt was a big enough mistake to warrant me pointing out such above.

So far, I'd vote Happy Riniversary over Not the Welcome She Was Expecting. That much is an indication of how strong the story is and reflects the relevance of the humor category. I still have a lot more to go before I can make any calls on overall winner, but I do believe that Happy Riniversary should take this category convincingly. To the other writers in the section, don't get discouraged. I know getting 'spine busted' and all that doesn't exactly feel good to say the least, but it's not to make fun of you. It's a sincere effort to help, and I have faith in all of you.

[DezoPenguin]

Keep it up with unsolicited reviews like this and you may find yourself drafted into being a judge for next year alongside Seika!

[Arch-Magos Winter]

>ImOkayWithThis.jpg

[Arashi_Leonhart]

Humor is the hardest category because it's so subjective. Being honest, I typically avoid humor as far as fanfiction goes.

It's funny because he entered last year in the humor category and won.