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Thread: Lyrical Days

  1. #21
    The outfall of that little incident had been rather awkward, but after Kiritsugu had come back things had eventually been set straight. All that mattered in the end was that Shirou found himself training under ether Miyuki’s or Kyouya’s guidance. At this point his father, who never even trained in the basics of swordplay, was not much of a as not much of a teacher anymore so Shirou spent several days in the week training with one of the Takamachi family after school. They had made it clear that he was welcome to do so as long as he continued to help out, such as walking Nanoha to cram school or running small errands for the bakery on off-days.
    "fallout" not "outfall" I guess?

  2. #22
    闇色の六王権 The Dark Six mangafreak7793's Avatar
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    Finally, its here. Well the story is the same so far but like what everyone else says it flowed a lot better


    Teasing the Penguin God!

  3. #23
    死徒二十七祖 The Twenty Seven Dead Apostle Ancestors fraggle's Avatar
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    Alright. Who of you is the strongest grammar-buff of them all? I'd like to have you try to clean up this chapter.
    Last edited by fraggle; April 5th, 2013 at 06:08 AM.


    Illya is best servant

  4. #24
    So can we expect culture clash in the next chapter? cause if there's anything Yuuno and Shirou debating whose right and whose wrong will be childish at best or at least make the other more confused until someone suggests Yuuno asks Shirou's dad, cue nanoha found out Kiri ain't around the block XD if you still want to keep that scene where Shirou is dragged to Midori-ya.

  5. #25
    屍鬼 Ghoul Grimmair's Avatar
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    Oh boy this surely made my day lot better.
    Lets hope that this story is as great as original.

  6. #26
    死徒(下級)Lesser Dead Apostle Carpe_Noctem's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fraggle View Post
    “I’ll carry him to the vet after I drop you off.” Shirou promised to the pouting girl as he carefully took the fetter off her hands.
    I'm pretty sure you guys meant "ferret", not "fetter".
    Spoiler:
    I am the bone of my bullet
    Severing is my body and binding is my blood
    I have created bullets from my ashes
    Unknown to mercy
    nor known to hope
    I have stopped even time to win my battles
    yet, these hands will never save anyone
    And so, as I pray
    Innate Time Control


  7. #27
    死徒二十七祖 The Twenty Seven Dead Apostle Ancestors fraggle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Carpe_Noctem View Post
    I'm pretty sure you guys meant "ferret", not "fetter".

    goddamnit, I though I'd fixed that already...


    Illya is best servant

  8. #28
    Death is only the stepping stone to success. Santo's Avatar
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    I'll give it a shot.

    Mind if I copy it unto a word file and use track changes? I'm not too good at punctuation and sentence structure, but I can spot typos.

  9. #29
    Preformance Pertension SeiKeo's Avatar
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    The easiest thing you can do is go through and fix all your tense into consistency.
    Quote Originally Posted by asterism42 View Post
    That time they checked out that hot guy they were just admiring his watch, yeah?


  10. #30
    死徒二十七祖 The Twenty Seven Dead Apostle Ancestors fraggle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LeopardBear View Post
    The easiest thing you can do is go through and fix all your tense into consistency.

    right now most of it seems to be fixed. I'll probably update the OP once Beta's are done.



    EDIT: Updated OP
    Last edited by fraggle; April 6th, 2013 at 05:49 PM.


    Illya is best servant

  11. #31
    Don't @ me if your fanfic doesn't even have Shirou/Illya shipping k thnx ItsaRandomUsername's Avatar
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    Hai
    No please. Either write in all English or all in Japanese, please. Don't do that to yourself, you can do better.
    McJon01: We all know that the real reason Archer would lose to Rider is because the events of his own Holy Grail War left him with a particular weakness toward "older sister" types.
    My Fanfics. Read 'em. Or not.



  12. #32
    死徒二十七祖 The Twenty Seven Dead Apostle Ancestors fraggle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ItsaRandomUsername View Post
    No please. Either write in all English or all in Japanese, please. Don't do that to yourself, you can do better.
    huh, I thought I had removed all of them....


    Screw it, I'll double check chapter II instead. not going to reupload this chapter yet again >_>


    Illya is best servant

  13. #33
    Evil Good RadiantBeam's Avatar
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    How did I miss this thread.



  14. #34
    祖 Ancestor crystalwatcher's Avatar
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    You were busy staring at Elf's breasts? xD *shot*
    End of an Empire

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  15. #35
    Kamen Rider fan-writer Xamusel's Avatar
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    *holds smoking sniper rifle* Pleasure doing business with you, Mistress of Porn, Lady Beam.

    ...Okay, seriously, this is going to be a problem for me. I can't snipe people like that all the time! I have so few rounds on me for this one.
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    Hmm... this is a bit of a surprise these days.

    An archive of my works on the forum that's pretty accurate.




    Note that I don't wish to be seen as an idiot any longer. I can't always promise better works than before, but I can sure as hell try, alright?

  16. #36
    Evil Good RadiantBeam's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Xamusel View Post
    *holds smoking sniper rifle* Pleasure doing business with you, Mistress of Porn, Lady Beam.

    ...Okay, seriously, this is going to be a problem for me. I can't snipe people like that all the time! I have so few rounds on me for this one.
    Thanks Xam, I appreciate it.



  17. #37
    死徒(下級)Lesser Dead Apostle
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    Quote Originally Posted by Xamusel View Post
    *holds smoking sniper rifle* Pleasure doing business with you, Mistress of Porn, Lady Beam.

    ...Okay, seriously, this is going to be a problem for me. I can't snipe people like that all the time! I have so few rounds on me for this one.
    Time to visit the gunshop. Or if you are making more origin bullets, gonna need to pound more ribs into oblivion. xD

  18. #38
    Kamen Rider fan-writer Xamusel's Avatar
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    You're welcome.

    I mean, seriously, I don't like it when perverts do things that would only embarrass themselves and those around them.

    Besides, crystal had it coming, and I was the only one available to make that reality.

    - - - Updated - - -

    @blitz: Yeah, gunshops are a fun place to go to, I can agree there.
    Xamusel's Fanfiction Profile

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    Hmm... this is a bit of a surprise these days.

    An archive of my works on the forum that's pretty accurate.




    Note that I don't wish to be seen as an idiot any longer. I can't always promise better works than before, but I can sure as hell try, alright?

  19. #39
    祖 Ancestor crystalwatcher's Avatar
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    Wait, so that means I was right?
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  20. #40
    Kamen Rider fan-writer Xamusel's Avatar
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    Hell if I know, crystal. I was just defending the honor of the two brilliant ladies, which may or may not have been sullied by you.
    Xamusel's Fanfiction Profile

    For those that don't necessarily care if my fics aren't all Type-Moon related.




    Hmm... this is a bit of a surprise these days.

    An archive of my works on the forum that's pretty accurate.




    Note that I don't wish to be seen as an idiot any longer. I can't always promise better works than before, but I can sure as hell try, alright?

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