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Thread: Create-a-Servant

  1. #11661
    Across This New Borderline RoydGolden's Avatar
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    I see what you mean LOL! Oh well, you can write it off as another Nasu-ism I suppose (the hilarity potential of having Santa Claus of all people as a cute girl was too great to resist).

  2. #11662
    FABRICATED HISTORICAL CRISIS SYNDROME gyrowins's Avatar
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    Qin Shi Huang
    Shining First Emperor of Qin

    Class: Shielder
    Alignment: Lawful Evil
    Parameters:


    • Strength: D
    • Endurance: A
    • Agility: D
    • Mana: A
    • Luck: B
    • Noble Phantasm: A+



    Class Skills:

    Magic Resistance - D - Cancel Single-Action spells. Magic Resistance of the same degree of an amulet that rejects magical energy.

    Territory Protection - A - A power displayed when protecting allies or an allied camp. Exhibits damage reduction surpassing the defensive limit value, but Shielder himself is not included as a target. Also, the higher the Rank more the protective range spreads. At this rank, Shielder is capable of extending it to a physical area of a reasonably sized building.

    Personal Skills:


    Mental Pollution - A+ - Provides a probability that mental interference magecraft will be rendered ineffective. In the condition that the Servant's master is of Evil alignment, and perpetrates acts of cruelty against the Servant, Mental Pollution will increase in rank, further increasing defenses against magecraft. However, as the Servant's psyche is inherently broken, this may result in irreversible deterioration.

    Imperial Mandate - A - The inherent ability to command delivered by Heaven itself. While bound to his speech rather than his vision, it functions akin to Mystic Eyes of Compulsion of the same rank. It is negated by equivalent or superior ranks of Nature of a Rebellious Spirit. Its existence provides resistances to Charisma of the same level or below.

    Military Tactics - C - Tactical knowledge used for massive group combat situations. Provides bonuses to anti-army Noble Phantasms or when dealing with anti-army Noble Phantasms of others.

    Noble Phantasm:

    Wanli Changcheng: Immeasurably Winding Earth Dragon - Barrier - Perhaps one of the most famous forms of defense in the modern era, this Noble Phantasm is the crystallization of the legendary existence that is the Great Wall of China. When materialized, this Noble Phantasm creates a bounded field in the immediate area of the one who wields it that rejects any enemy or attack that tries to cross its border. This is not to say it is impenetrable, but that it is very very hard to pierce. The mana drain of sustaining this Noble Phantasm is directly proportional to the size being protected. However, Wanli Changcheng may also consume the lingering spirits of the dead to lower its mana cost. The physical item itself resembles a massive Chinese Magic Mirror, though the bronze has been brushed to such a point that it resembles gold. Upon the mirror is a design of a dragon moving around freely. When activated, light shines on the shield and reveals a holographic image of the dragon now surrounding a map of China, positioned like an Ouroboros. Rank: A

    Bingma Yung: Immortal Guardians of the Immortal Emperor Beneath the Vault of Heaven - Anti-Army - A group of approximately 8000 soldiers with assorted chariots and cavalry. Each soldier is crafted of an earthenware material and painted in vibrant colors. They wield D-class Noble Phantasms each as weapons, though they have no specific effect other than being more powerful in the presence of Shielder (C-class). They are kept within a Reality Marble created by Shielder’s sheer belief in his own greatness and that he would survive after death. Interestingly enough, the Reality inside the Marble resembles the mausoleum in which he was buried, only lit up with an ethereal white light. He can not replace the world with his Reality Marble, but he is capable of opening up a “hole” in the world from which his animated soldiers can pour out. Nothing can go in, but things can come out. The number of soldiers he effectively has in stock is “infinite”, but he can only have 8000 out at once (generally less due to Mana costs). Rank: A+

    I recognise that Nasu has made a decision concerning Shielder class skills, but given that it's a stupid-ass decision, I've elected to ignore it.


    Background:

    Qin Shi Huang was the first Emperor of the Qin Dynasty, and as such the one who united China during the Warring States period. During his reign, his armies and generals expanded the borders of China to a size never seen before. He made numerous reforms, economic and political, and sought to make everything according to his standards. Granted, this also ended up limiting free speech as well as burning books and other scholarly texts, executing scholars, and setting in place Legalism, or living only according to the law. He built a national road system, the still famous Great Wall of China (though it wasn't finished during his reign), and many monuments in his name.

    He was obsessed with power and control. He wanted to be the dominant force in all minds and to continue being so forever. Several attempts at his life, including one by Jing Ke, served nothing but to cement a desire for immortality further into his brain. He spent many years searching for it, enlisting the help of scholars who he would execute if they disappointed him, ingesting strange liquids and concoctions, and even setting out expeditions in search for the mystical Penglai mountain, where the elixir for immortality would be found. He ended up dying after drinking a potion made mostly of mercury, which he believed would ascend him to godhood.
    Last edited by gyrowins; September 11th, 2015 at 03:50 PM.

  3. #11663
    Across This New Borderline RoydGolden's Avatar
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    The first emperor of china huh? Certainly an interesting idea for a Servant. His sheet looks pretty cool and creative overall. I especially like the description of his Wanli Changcheng NP, with the dragon curling around a map of china. Very cool (I'm starting to sound like Ryuunosuke LOL)! Also it's funny you posted this sheet since I also had an idea for a Chinese emperor with Mental Pollution and a skill based on securing defensive territory, although mine was considerably more infamous (Zhang Xianzhong if you're wondering). I'll probably put up his sheet later tonight or tomorrow morning sometime. Also apparently in the Strange Fake spinoff novel someone got the idea of summoning the first emperor of china as a Servant, although the summoning backfired and the horseman of Pestilence was summoned instead. Just felt like sharing that tidbit LOL.
    Last edited by RoydGolden; September 11th, 2015 at 04:12 PM.

  4. #11664
    闇色の六王権 The Dark Six asterism42's Avatar
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    Yeah, Rider seems to be the most common class for royalty. I'm not sure why.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sandstorm77 View Post
    He's just putting the bone of his sword into other people until it explodes and lets out parts of him inside them.
    Quote Originally Posted by AvengerEmiya View Post
    Genderswaps are terrible, but I think I and other people would hate them less if Fate didn't keep ignoring actual heroines throughout history and folklore. Like, why bother turning Francis Drake into a woman when Ching Shih and Grace O'Malley exist?
    Quote Originally Posted by Magikewl View Post
    so shes ugly boring and bad truly a triple threat your fav could never

  5. #11665
    Tranquilo, Japones, Tranquilo JetKinen's Avatar
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    Well when they're a military leader generally they stand on Chariots, Horses and whatnot

    Fate Grand/Order ID: 102947414/GreenBob
    JetKinen's tries very poorly to translate a brazilian book

  6. #11666
    Tranquilo, Japones, Tranquilo JetKinen's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Omida View Post
    Longinus now makes a bit more competitive stance, yeah. Though, you may want to check what others say about those sheets, as I also am rather inexperienced with Servant creation.

    Annie seems good, parameters aren't out of place as far as I compare them to those of canonical nineteenth century Servants. I would recommend checking out American heroes part of this thread (index on the first post), because those are guys that your Archer would be the closest in times.

    Little Sure Shot seems pretty simple to me, especially as you pointed its non lethal nature. I think it would get a pass from more strict members (or they may put their own critique). Pride of Gunslinger is also believable and straightforward, and it certainly is acceptable, so there should be no problem from others.

    Now, I would advice to be careful when giving your Servant a Reality Marble. In canon, the only Servants that have it are EMIYA (distorted mentality, element and origin are identical, spent years of his life refining what he had to get it) and Iskandar (didn't possess in life, more of crystallization of his bonds with his people as Noble Phantasm). Those things are difficult to explain and generally really rare. Especially since despite it being dangerous for Annie, it really is broken (everyone inside dies after receiving first wound).
    I'm pretty sure there are more than those two.

    Fate Grand/Order ID: 102947414/GreenBob
    JetKinen's tries very poorly to translate a brazilian book

  7. #11667
    Quote Originally Posted by Omida View Post
    EMIYA (distorted mentality)
    This has nothing to do with having a Reality Marble

    - - - Updated - - -

    Quote Originally Posted by JetKinen View Post
    I'm pretty sure there are more than those two.
    Well there's Jeanne's Sword activation if you want to count that
    Aus Feuer ward der Geist geschaffen,
    drum schenkt mir ses Feuer ein!
    Die Lust der Lieder und der Waffen,
    die Lust der Liebe schenkt mir ein,
    der Trauben ses Sonnenblut,
    das Wunder glaubt und Wunder thut!

  8. #11668
    Tranquilo, Japones, Tranquilo JetKinen's Avatar
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    And Nursery Rhyme's Nameless Forest

    Fate Grand/Order ID: 102947414/GreenBob
    JetKinen's tries very poorly to translate a brazilian book

  9. #11669
    闇色の六王権 The Dark Six asterism42's Avatar
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    Nursery Rhyme is herself (itself?) a Reality Marble. Though I think she's described as being an abnormal one.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sandstorm77 View Post
    He's just putting the bone of his sword into other people until it explodes and lets out parts of him inside them.
    Quote Originally Posted by AvengerEmiya View Post
    Genderswaps are terrible, but I think I and other people would hate them less if Fate didn't keep ignoring actual heroines throughout history and folklore. Like, why bother turning Francis Drake into a woman when Ching Shih and Grace O'Malley exist?
    Quote Originally Posted by Magikewl View Post
    so shes ugly boring and bad truly a triple threat your fav could never

  10. #11670
    鬼 Ogre-like You's Avatar
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    Nursery Rhyme is a RM and has a RM.
    So she's an RM who has an RM.
    It's like woah what are we smoking?
    Quote Originally Posted by Canon View Post
    On You's tombstone it will read
    Quote Originally Posted by You View Post
    That's exaggerating my point.

  11. #11671
    Tranquilo, Japones, Tranquilo JetKinen's Avatar
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    And theres stuff like Nero's Theater and Ramessess's Temples who are "basically reality marbles"

    Fate Grand/Order ID: 102947414/GreenBob
    JetKinen's tries very poorly to translate a brazilian book

  12. #11672
    闇色の六王権 The Dark Six asterism42's Avatar
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    Domus Aurea is kind of a cheat, since it more or less has all the benefits of a Reality Marble with none of the drawbacks.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sandstorm77 View Post
    He's just putting the bone of his sword into other people until it explodes and lets out parts of him inside them.
    Quote Originally Posted by AvengerEmiya View Post
    Genderswaps are terrible, but I think I and other people would hate them less if Fate didn't keep ignoring actual heroines throughout history and folklore. Like, why bother turning Francis Drake into a woman when Ching Shih and Grace O'Malley exist?
    Quote Originally Posted by Magikewl View Post
    so shes ugly boring and bad truly a triple threat your fav could never

  13. #11673
    闇色の六王権 The Dark Six Siriel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by asterism42 View Post
    Domus Aurea is kind of a cheat, since it more or less has all the benefits of a Reality Marble with none of the drawbacks.
    What are those benefits?
    Ragnarok, come day of wrath
    That fallen souls might bear our plea.
    To hasten the Divine's return.
    O piteous Wanderer.

  14. #11674
    Quote Originally Posted by Siriel View Post
    What are those benefits?
    Changing how the area looks.
    Aus Feuer ward der Geist geschaffen,
    drum schenkt mir ses Feuer ein!
    Die Lust der Lieder und der Waffen,
    die Lust der Liebe schenkt mir ein,
    der Trauben ses Sonnenblut,
    das Wunder glaubt und Wunder thut!

  15. #11675
    闇色の六王権 The Dark Six asterism42's Avatar
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    Making your imagined world a reality or something? Also isn't Domus Aurea impossible to escape? Since how Nero would seal the exits during performances.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sandstorm77 View Post
    He's just putting the bone of his sword into other people until it explodes and lets out parts of him inside them.
    Quote Originally Posted by AvengerEmiya View Post
    Genderswaps are terrible, but I think I and other people would hate them less if Fate didn't keep ignoring actual heroines throughout history and folklore. Like, why bother turning Francis Drake into a woman when Ching Shih and Grace O'Malley exist?
    Quote Originally Posted by Magikewl View Post
    so shes ugly boring and bad truly a triple threat your fav could never

  16. #11676
    鬼 Ogre-like You's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Siriel View Post
    What are those benefits?
    changing the place to a church so catholic vampires are compelled by the power of christ.
    Quote Originally Posted by Canon View Post
    On You's tombstone it will read
    Quote Originally Posted by You View Post
    That's exaggerating my point.

  17. #11677
    Across This New Borderline RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Servant Berserker:

    True Name: Zhang Xianzhong

    Alignment: Chaotic Evil

    Summoning Catalyst: the tablet on which he wrote the infamous Seven Kill Stele

    Alternate Classes: Saber, Caster

    Strength- B
    Agility- B
    Endurance- C
    Mana- C
    Luck- D
    NP- C

    Appearance: a tall man with a delicate appearance unbefitting of the Berserker class. He has unaturally pale skin and his dark hair is tied into a long braid, with shoulder length wavy sidelocks. His most notable feature are his eyes, which have jet black scelera and blood-red irises that give him monstrous appearance. He wears immaculate yellow robes befitting of a chinese emperor and wields a chinese dao sword which he keeps sheathed at his side. This sword isn't a Noble Phantasm, although it is quite durable and sharp.

    Personality: while calm and tranquil in demeanour, it wouldn't be inaccurate to call Berserker a monster or devil in human form. With a serene smile on his face that never changed, he ordered his subjects to slaughter each other without distinction. Anyone looking into his eyes would feel an absolute killing intent (for this reason he generally prefers to keep them closed). He has somewhat of a philosophical side, although all of his meanderings will invariably end with the conclusion of "therefore, I shall kill".


    Class Skills:

    Mad Enhancement (EX)- Berserker has a peculiar variety of Mad Enhancement that doesn't prevent him from expressing himself or speaking eloquontly. However he's without a doubt mad, his every thought tending towards bloodshed and murder. The effect is permanently active and boosts his base physical stats (Strength, Agility, Endurance) by one full rank from what they otherwise would be (the stats given in the parameters section are post-Mad Enhancement).


    Personal Skills:

    Divinity (D)- as an emperor of china he was said to have possessed divine sanction in the form of the "Mandate Of Heaven". This skill would be C rank if not for his actions as emperor leading to him having lost the Mandate Of Heaven. However the fact that he had it at all is sufficient to grant him D rank Divinity.

    Charisma (E)- leadership skills increase, but the morale of troops decreases extremely.

    Demonic Defender Of State (A)- the capacity of a Servant to mark a region as his personal dominion by securing the surrounding leylines prior to an engagement. His Noble Phantasm- Seven Kill Stele is one that can only be deployed within the marked domain.

    Instinct (C)- At this rank, resembles a formidable sixth sense. It reduces by a fourth any obstacles to vision and hearing.


    Noble Phantasm:


    Seven Kill Stele- Throne Of Corpses, Emperor Of Massacre (C, Anti-Army): An accursed Noble Phantasm representing the slaughters that Zhang Xianzhong conducted as emperor. When activated by reciting the eponymous poem, an aura of absolute bloodlust extends across the terrain secured by his Demonic Defender Of State skill. Anyone within the established region will begin feeling uncontrollable killing intent directed at anybody else nearby, regardless of whether they're friends or foes. Under the effects of this Noble Phantasm, even an entire army can be made to turn on themselves. Against ordinary humans the effect will truly be nigh irresistible while against Servants it merely inflicts a strong murderous urge, as if you had an itch that you really wanted scratched. The effects can be negated with sufficient Magic Resistance, protection against mental interference or simply sheer willpower which even ordinary humans can possess.
    Last edited by RoydGolden; March 7th, 2016 at 01:57 AM.

  18. #11678
    吸血鬼 Vampire Omida's Avatar
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    RoydGolden, regarding Santa Claus, if you wanted to give her a skill that allows her to discard someone's character, it's a Discernment of the Poor. Eye of the Mind (True) is analysis of battle conditions.

    For Zhang Xianzhong... Does he suit other classes? Canon showed that if Servant can be summoned outside Berserker class, in it their appearance becomes slightly altered to more bestial. Madness and Berserker class really don't help with maintaining pretty face in Nasuverse (Gilles is batshit insane with A-rank Mental Pollution, Lancelot is Berserker and we are shown differences in his appearance). Otherwise, I think he is nicely done (some people forget that EX doesn't really reflect power of things, but rather it being indescribable because of their nature, EX being 2+2=apple). Though, you could describe perks he gets from Mad Enhancement to clear away any confusion.
    Regarding resisting seven Kill Stele, I am not entirely sure, but I think it's mana stat that helps with those things (A-rank to resist Medusa's eyes - or at least not turn into the stone, for example) not Magic Resistance, but again, I may be wrong on that.


    Quote Originally Posted by Elthanes View Post
    This has nothing to do with having a Reality Marble

    Well there's Jeanne's Sword activation if you want to count that
    I know, I have seen some of discussion on it on BL. That's why I listed it only as one of three factors contributing to EMIYA. I didn't play Extra, so my knowledge is limited, but from what is said about Nursery Rhyme, I am somewhat wary of counting her in. Nero's and Ramessess' NP are listed as possessing qualities of RM, so I didn't post it, as they aren't really Reality Marbles, but just sufficiently similar constructs.

    I don't know enough about La Pucelle to voice an opinion.
    Last edited by Omida; September 12th, 2015 at 01:16 AM.

  19. #11679
    Across This New Borderline RoydGolden's Avatar
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    I see what you mean Omida. I actually considered giving Santa Discernment Of The Poor but I opted not to because I thought that skill was Karna exclusive. Besides Santa isn't really "poor" so I'm not sure if it really applies. And yes, Zhang does suit other classes (Saber and Caster, to be precise). Regarding what you said about Berserker class warping physical appearance, well for one thing he does have his monstrous looking eyes, and for another thing well...

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    I think it's pretty safe to say the rule about Berserkers having distorted physical appearances is, like many rules in the Nasu-verse, prone to exceptions. Still, thanks for commenting on my work! Feedback is the lifeblood of writers everywhere after all!
    Last edited by RoydGolden; September 12th, 2015 at 01:13 PM.

  20. #11680
    闇色の六王権 The Dark Six asterism42's Avatar
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    Elizabeth only has E rank Mad Enhancement, and it's still enough to warp the appearance of her eyes.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sandstorm77 View Post
    He's just putting the bone of his sword into other people until it explodes and lets out parts of him inside them.
    Quote Originally Posted by AvengerEmiya View Post
    Genderswaps are terrible, but I think I and other people would hate them less if Fate didn't keep ignoring actual heroines throughout history and folklore. Like, why bother turning Francis Drake into a woman when Ching Shih and Grace O'Malley exist?
    Quote Originally Posted by Magikewl View Post
    so shes ugly boring and bad truly a triple threat your fav could never

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