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Thread: Create-a-Servant

  1. #14261
    死徒二十七祖 The Twenty Seven Dead Apostle Ancestors Bird of Hermes's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ZSB1999 View Post
    For Goliath, I feel as though you could give him another Noble Phantasm. While this is a very good sheet I feel as though there is so much that could be added, like a skill that gives him a boost to his defense and damage when fighting someone who is just about as strong as him, or stronger. But when he fights someone much weaker than himself he receives multiple rank downs to his stats, showing the famous underdog winning scenario David vs Goliath. You could also give him a Noble Phantasm that prevents damage from anything except Noble Phantasms, because only the sling and his own sword were able to hurt him. Finally the last idea I had for Goliath comes from my brother who thought up a Goliath sheet in the past. A noble phantasm that allows him to actually become a 40ft giant. This would be based off his fame of a heroic spirit and how the word Goliath is used today. When people hear the word Goliath, they normally think of a huge giant, this noble phantasm would be the crystalization of that. Of course if you chose to add one of these to his sheet, you should probably only chose one, because of the fact that you don't want to make him too OP. But, just remember that Heroic Spirits gain their power from Fame as well as the strength they had in life (why do you think Mary Antoinette is so strong other than just GO logic?) and Goliath is arguably more famous than even Heracles.
    Thanks for the feedback. I added a skill that works in all of this and you're right, it was sorely needed.

  2. #14262
    夜魔 Nightmare ZSB1999's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Crying View Post
    So, we're making joke Servants, eh? I'm game.

    Class: Butler
    Master:
    True Name: Counter Guardian EMIYA, the No-Named Househusband
    Sex: Male
    Height/Weight: 187cm/78kg
    Alignment: True Neutral
    Frederick from Awakening's new best friend. I wonder who's the better butler?

  3. #14263
    死徒(下級)Lesser Dead Apostle
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Bird of Hermes View Post
    The Sandman - Very Nasu-y with the lore and I like how you tied the Night of Wallachia into it. You've put good work into the background and all the skills are either original or lesser used so nice job with your creativity.
    Thanks for the feedback! I wanted to try making something tied to the Magi families inside the Nasuverse and ended up going outside the Fate box. When I took a look at Atlas, I thought that their unique abilities could all qualify as individual skills, and voilŕ.

  4. #14264
    死徒二十七祖 The Twenty Seven Dead Apostle Ancestors Bird of Hermes's Avatar
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    So anyways, here's the servant I've actually been working on and not one dug up from a month back. She's a lot more of a protaginist-y kind of character, which I haven't really envisioned since Roland a few months ago. As ever, feedback would be nice.


    Servant: Saber
    True Name: Hua Mulan
    Alignment: Neutral Good
    Place of Origin: China

    Strength- B
    Endurance- B
    Agility- A
    Mana- C
    Luck- B
    NP- B

    Height/Weight: 174cm/69kg
    Likes: Family, Honour
    Dislikes: Identity crisis
    Talent: Poker face, Gambling
    Natural Enemy: Herself

    Class Skills:
    • Magic Resistance (C) - Cancel spells with a chant below three verses. Even if targeted by High-Thaumaturgy and Greater Rituals, it is difficult for him to be affected. Having encountered no magic in life, her rank is unbecoming of the Saber class.
    • Riding (A) - All creatures but those of Phantasmal Beast and Divine Beast-rank can be used as mounts. This rank is high enough to have aptitude for the Rider Class.


    Personal Skills:

    • Charisma (C) - The natural talent to command an army. This rank is suitable for the general of a country's armed forces.
    • Chinese Martial Arts (A) - A Chinese rationality. A value that measures one's mastery of the martial arts that made becoming one with the universe as its objective. Its difficulty to learn is of the highest level and, unlike other Skills, it is at A Rank that one is at a level where she is said to have finally "learned it". Mulan is proficient in Kung Fu alongside utilising swords, spears, bows and a variety of other weapons, allowing her to qualify for a plethora of classes.
    • Deception (A) - A skill that allows one to cover one's own intentions through usage of mannerisms, accents, speech patterns and subconscious habits. At this rank, one can change their identity completely without anyone knowing. Mulan disguised herself as a man and no one questioned her until she revealed herself after over a decade.


    Noble Phantasm

    Cheng Ying Moon Fang (Anti-Unit) (B) - Forged during the Shang Dynasty, It is said that the Cheng Ying was a long sword "Jian" without a blade. Strangely enough, it projected a shadow upon the wall in the dawn or the evening, when an alternation between daylight and darkness occurred. Although it appears to be just a stylised hilt, it is a sword although the blade is truly invisible to the naked eye that doesn't appear even as sparks fly off of it. It lacks the capacity to annihilate the enemy like other Noble Phantasms, being more suited as a "sharp tool" in battle. It isn't used for any particular strength, but it is easy to use in battle and it is a trump card that can bring about victory if used well - especially if the foe cannot judge the length of the blade.Regardless of its lack-of appearance, the blade possesses tremendous power, able to carve trees in two with a single swing.


    Lore

    "He wears a mask, and his face grows to fit it."
    A legendary woman warrior from the Southern and Northern Dynasties. She was known for practicing martial arts such as kung fu and for being skilled with the sword. China was at war and called for the firstborn son of every family. Her brother was a child and her father was elderly and frail, far too weak to fight. With the blessings of her family, she said her farewells and took on the persona of a man to fight in her father's stead.

    She is intercepted by the forces of the Xia king Dou Jiande and is brought under questioning by the king's warrior daughter Xianniang, who tries to recruit Mulan as a man. Discovering Mulan to be a fellow female warrior, she is so delighted that they become sworn sisters.

    After twelve long years of relentless combat, she had killed more than her portion as a soldier. Once the war had reached its climax with victory for China, the turmoil in her heart gave her grief and she longed to return home. She happened to meet with that princess again but not without bad news, the princesses father had been captured after betraying them and was sentenced to death. Feeling this as an opportunity for penance, for all the death she caused, she offered the emperor to kill her instead. But rather, the man had been at awe of her resolution and released the traitor for only this once and even was given money for her family. She declined, only asking for a fast horse to return home to. Upon her arrival her parents barely recognised her for their daughter had changed, her body had grow stronger but her soul was weary with death, the blurred faces of those she had killed tormenting her. She also reunited with her comrades who were shocked at the truth of her identity.

    Hua Mulan is a very weary woman, having grown tired of combat and suppressing her emotions for an extended period of time. She is torn back and forth between two mental states. Not two different personalities but instead different mental states. This mentality has been gained due to Multiple Personalities like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde or even Shiki Ryougi but instead closer to a reaction of Post Traumatic Stress.
    There is "The Lover" the calm, lively and loving valley girl she was born as. The Lover is sweet, kind and nurturing. She is calm, meek and recessive, however due to the events of a long and traumatic war, The Lover is a passive state.

    However after disguising herself as a man for so long she gained the mentality of "The Fighter", and became the unrelenting soldier who cut down countless people. Here, she acts like a living stereotype of toxic masculinity: loud, boisterous, obnoxious, violent, oblivious to emotion and slightly perverted. This is her more assertive state of mind.

    Her wish is to find inner peace, which she did not obtain after the war. She will let nothing stop her. She never has and never will.

  5. #14265
    死徒(下級)Lesser Dead Apostle
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    I can't remember how I learned about the novel Alamut (and there are no English eBook copies available now...), so I wanted to see if I could make a Servant based on the book without actually having read it. Since I didn't know anything that deep about ibn Tahir or Halima, I ended up doing... Hassan-i-Sabbah. I'm not sure how Bartol's version of him would interact with the Nasuverse lore on the Hassans, or if this would even work at all.


    "La shai'a waqi'on motlaq bal kollon momken."


    When summoned as a "Hassan-i-Sabbah"


    When summoned specifically as himself.

    Class: Assassin
    Name: Hassan-i-Sabbah
    • Other names: Sayyiduna, Hassan ibn Sabbah, Hassan of Jannah

    Place of Origin: Middle East (Persia)
    Alignment: Neutral Evil

    Parameters:
    Strength: C
    Agility: D
    Endurance: D
    Magic: A
    Luck: B
    Noble Phantasm: B++

    Class Skills:
    • Presence Concealment (D)
      This Hassan was no master of stealth; rather, he was a military - and in many ways, a cult - leader. His level of Presence Concealment is suitable for spying.


    Personal Skills:
    • Charisma (C-)
      Hassan possesses the necessary leadership ability to lead an army. if his true nature and deceptions are exposed, the skill suffers a minus penalty and becomes unstable against all those who are aware of it.
    • Incitement (A-)
      Hassan's skill at speaking orders and propaganda is strong to the point of qualifying as a mental attack, but can be resisted by those with strong convictions. Like his Charisma, it becomes unstable if his true nature is revealed.
    • Familiar (humans) (D)
      Allows the use of humans as familiars. While it is normally unheard of to keep humans as familiars, the most brainwashed followers, the greatest feyadeen of the Old Man of the Mountain could be considered just that, and often times truly became Familiars when either dead or on the brink of death. He is capable of sharing perception with them and directing them by thought. He starts with three; while he can create more, it takes an extremely long time.
    • Medicinal Agriculture (B)
      The ability to create and grow plants with effects on the body and process them into useable material. While possessing a high rank in the skill, Hassan is restricted to working with cannabis plants for the purpose of creating drugs (including his famous hashish).


    Noble Phantasm:
    Spoiler:
    Zabaniya: Delusional Paradise (Anti-Unit, B++)
    Hassan has removed one of his eyes along with his vocal cords and replaced them with those of a Djinn to achieve this technique. Unlike the other Zabaniya, this technique is not for the purpose of assassination. Rather, it puts the target into a strong hallucinogenic trance through a combination of eye contact and vocal hypnosis - a combination of Mystic Eyes and "Mystic Voice". Hassan can shape the resulting hallucination to whatever he wishes. While he can create nightmarish fantasies to convince the target to kill themselves, it's true purpose is to create an imitation of Jannah, the afterlife reserved for the faithful; when used for this purpose, the power of the technique doubles. Combined with his Charisma and Incitement skills, it can turn even the doubtful into fervent followers of his cause. In life, it was used to indoctrinate feyadeen when Hassan's gardens of Alamut were too far away to be used or under maintenance. If used inside the Garden of Alamut, it gains a second plus modifier.

    Garden of Alamut: Garden of Indoctrination (Anti-Team, C)
    Only accessible when this Hassan is specifically sought after (it will be sealed if Hassan is summoned using the word Assassin as a catalyst), this is a Noble Phantasm similar to Aestus Domus Aurea and Ramesseum Tentyris, resembling a Reality Marble but not being a projection of Hassan's inner world. Upon activation, a luxurious walled garden materializes on top of the World, an exact replica of the gardens in the back of the fortress of Alamut. The garden has a naturally soothing effect on individuals, to the point where it can cause faster healing in Hassan and his allies while sapping the enemy's will to fight and making them more open to mental suggestion. Zabaniya: Delusional Paradise is at its strongest when used inside the Gardens.


    Lore:
    Spoiler:
    The leader of the Nizari Ismaili described in Vladimir Bartol's novel Alamut, this particular Hassan is counted among the 19 but can also be summoned as a true Heroic Spirit with a legend of his own - albeit as an Anti-Hero rather than any pure champion of humanity. A genius, a madman, and an utterly reprehensible manipulator, stepping over and ruining the lives of many in order to cripple the Seljuk Empire. Believed by his followers to be able to send anybody to heaven for short periods of time while living, he amassed a fanatical following, with his most elite warriors being willing to die for him without question. Through a series of machinations, he was able to cause the deaths of the Vizier and the Sultan of the Seljuk Empire, even evading his own death when the rebellious feyadeen Avani ibn Tahir returned to Alamut armed with the truth of his deceptions. After his victory, he shut himself inside a tower for the rest of his days, transferring power to his subordinates.


    Personality:
    Hassan is very much a pragmatist and is more than willing to manipulate and deceive others to get what he wants. Despite professing to be a faithful Muslim and an agent of God, he does not put his supposed faith in very high regard. Rather, he views Islam, and his followers faith in it as a means of amassing more power. He could very easily fit in with the dictators of the modern era. When meeting somebody for the first time, he will try to portray himself as a genuine servant of God, with the ability to give God's reward the faithful in order to ensure his Charisma and Incitement skills will work to their fullest extent on them. However, he will not panic if they realize his true methods and identity, despite the weakening of his skills when interacting with them. His wish for the Holy Grail would to see the Nizari Assassins restored, for him to be at their head, and for them to spread their power all across the world.

    Miscellaneous:
    Likes: victory
    Dislikes: His enemies (duh), Sunni Muslims
    Talents: lying, manipulating others.
    Natural Enemy: those who have no desire for heaven
    Catalyst:
    • To summon him as one of the 19 Hassan-i-Sabbah: the word Assassin.
    • To summon him as an independent Heroic Spirit: the phrase "Nothing is true and everything is permitted" or any variations thereof.

    Notes: this Hassan possesses some talent in Magecraft, but it is both extremely specialized in the area of Familiar creation and extremely weak, thus not qualifying him for the skill.
    Last edited by Constructman; May 1st, 2016 at 06:24 PM.

  6. #14266
    死徒(下級)Lesser Dead Apostle
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    @Mulan: didn't expect the description of her psyche. It's something that happens to many people in real life, but I ever anticipated it showing up here. Will Mulan switch between the Fighter andbthe Lover at random? Or are they different "masks" for different situations?

    Her skills look good, but her Noble Phantasm by itself seems a little plan. Though I guess that due to Chinese Martial Arts, it would become extremely dangerous.

    I noted that you didn't touch on her death as described in Romance of the Sui and Tang, but it's an obscure part of her legend anyway.

  7. #14267
    死徒二十七祖 The Twenty Seven Dead Apostle Ancestors Bird of Hermes's Avatar
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    He's certainly a different Hassan. His Noble Phantasms and skills work well together. Incitement is a rare skill to see any you've incorporated it into him well. As For the Garden of Alamut. I personally dislike using Reality Marbles unless they're inventive. I admittedly used one on my William Wallace sheet but thet's because I ran out of ideas. This one however works, as it suits his personality and intertwines with his other Noble Phantasms instead "Summon army- other person loses." So nice job!

    As for Mulan, the psyche is something I added to her character to a different spin on her tale. Its either "She returned home happily ever after" and ignoring any potential problems or a despair induced suicide which make all her struggles pointless. That is ultimately why i avoided her death as described in Romance of the Sui and Tang as it's only one variation of her legend. I wanted to avoid Darkness-Induced Audience Apathy. Meaningful confict is the soul of drama and the internets general obsession with "Edginess" and Nhilism is something i find pointless. In short PTSD from a 12 year war was bad enough without everything that happened in the end of one certain version of the story, so I left it out.

    Anyways, back to my Mulan sheet. The Noble Phantasm is admittedly lacking is "Cool" but she's not meant to be flashy. She's efficient. As for the Psyche questions, it's all subconsious, the "Masks" as you call them aren't swtichable by choice. It happens without her control, depending on her overall emotional vulnerability or stability.

  8. #14268
    死徒(下級)Lesser Dead Apostle
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Bird of Hermes View Post
    He's certainly a different Hassan. His Noble Phantasms and skills work well together. Incitement is a rare skill to see any you've incorporated it into him well. As For the Garden of Alamut. I personally dislike using Reality Marbles unless they're inventive. I admittedly used one on my William Wallace sheet but thet's because I ran out of ideas. This one however works, as it suits his personality and intertwines with his other Noble Phantasms instead "Summon army- other person loses." So nice job!

    As for Mulan, the psyche is something I added to her character to a different spin on her tale. Its either "She returned home happily ever after" and ignoring any potential problems or a despair induced suicide which make all her struggles pointless. That is ultimately why i avoided her death as described in Romance of the Sui and Tang as it's only one variation of her legend. I wanted to avoid Darkness-Induced Audience Apathy. Meaningful confict is the soul of drama and the internets general obsession with "Edginess" and Nhilism is something i find pointless. In short PTSD from a 12 year war was bad enough without everything that happened in the end of one certain version of the story, so I left it out.

    Anyways, back to my Mulan sheet. The Noble Phantasm is admittedly lacking is "Cool" but she's not meant to be flashy. She's efficient. As for the Psyche questions, it's all subconsious, the "Masks" as you call them aren't swtichable by choice. It happens without her control, depending on her overall emotional vulnerability or stability.
    I see. That clarifies things. And I can see the efficiency point. She would be a very tough opponent to fight one on one.

    - - - Updated - - -

    RE: Hassan. Your comment about Reality Marbles is sound. Admittedly, I was very unsure about giving him a second Noble Phantasm, as all of the canon Hassans only had one. I wanted to incorporate the gardens and hashish brainwashing but also wanted to include a Zabaniya, despite trying to make him, as you said, 'a different Hassan". I didn't see him as the type to spend several weeks building something like the Hanging Gardens, so i just said "screw it, time to cop Nero's style".
    Last edited by Constructman; April 30th, 2016 at 11:15 PM.

  9. #14269
    夜属 Nightkin Hakuro's Avatar
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    I was going to comment about Mu Lan having A-ranked Chinese Martial Arts because I thought it was the rank of Li Shuwen, but his is A++ lol, it makes me think how about people who is better at it than Li Shuwen, EX?

    I really liked this Mu Lan, and her sword seems pretty nice, never heard of it before and I could just think how cool would it is. I always expecte Mu Lan having a Noble Phantasm in a similar fashion of the helm of Mordred tho.

  10. #14270
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
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    A bit late to comment on Goliath but I don't think he needs both Gigantism and Monstrous Strength, two distinct Skills reflecting the same aspect of his legend (association with monsters/giants), and even the mechanical effects are somewhat similar. Just one or the other should be enough (Gigantism adds more flavor, so I'd recommend scrapping MS). Nice choice on the Strange Straps NP, not a whole lot of detail on Goliath in legend (since he's pretty much 'that really strong guy David beat'), so you have to reach and pull in things from other people's legends associated with him. Effect is about a simple as they come, but a more complicated or conceptual NP wouldn't really fit Goliath anyways.

    Regarding Hua Mulan- I could easily see her being the Servant of the protagonist in a fanfic. She'd definitely be interesting with her 'split personality' (certainly this Mulan's no Disney heroine!). I imagine she'd be act lovey-dovey with the MC (or whoever) and in battle becomes a ruthless and unstoppable soldier, a bit like Moka's 'inner' and 'outer' selves from Rosario+Vampire. Maybe the character development in her 'route' would be the protag learning to accept both sides of her personality and tell her that she's beautiful either way or something cheesy like that (followed by the obligatory eroge sex-scene).

    Her NP is very much the 'simple, but effective' type (even more so then Goliath's!), but that has its own kind of elegance. I think B might be a bit too high a rank for something that doesn't really have any conceptual or otherwise fancy properties (maybe C?) but that's just me, and I get you were going for the 'just a really, really well-made sword' deal. My own idea from the summary you gave was that it could cut at range anything falling under the 'blade-shadow' it casts, representing how the sword only 'showed itself' by its shadow. So it could cut things at a distance without physically touching them, just as long as it can cast a shadow against them. Though assuming it was otherwise just a plain hilt, that'd pretty much leave her without any way of defending herself in close combat... (Maybe she could have an additional, mundane sword? I dunno.)

    - - - Updated - - -

    Quote Originally Posted by Hakuro View Post
    I was going to comment about Mu Lan having A-ranked Chinese Martial Arts because I thought it was the rank of Li Shuwen, but his is A++ lol, it makes me think how about people who is better at it than Li Shuwen, EX?
    Even worse. His is actually A+++ (or so says the wiki, anyway).

  11. #14271
    屍鬼 Ghoul NightEye's Avatar
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    Class:
    Lancer
    True Name: Hattori Hanzo/ Hattori Masanari
    Titles: Demon Hanzo
    Sex: Male
    Alignment: Lawful Neutral

    Face Claim




    Personality

    Hanzo is a serious man, almost never letting his emotions interfere with his duty. Always focused on the matter at hand the man may seem a huge bore to most, but an inclined Master would find a great advisor in this man. Indeed, while Hanzo gained most of his renowned as a Ninja the figure was also famous Samurai known for his skills with the spear and dueling throughout the land, who even became a monk later in life in hope to attain greater enlightenment. The Oni Hanzo finds great satisfaction in guiding people from an advisory position, giving him a feel similar to that of a wise grandfather.

    Another extremely important aspect of Hanzo is that he is as loyal as one could be. This one would never disobey an order from his liege in any shape or form regardless of any personal issues he may have with it. If he does find something to be inherently wrong with an order given to him, he will let his master know and try and convince his liege of a better course of action to the best he can, however if the Master still issues an order Hanzo would be displeased with after trying to advise his Master, the Ninja will simply follow the orders given. The only thing Hanzo would absolutely refuse to do in any shape or form is bring harm to the one he pledge allegiance to in any shape or form, whether because the contract was passed to another Master or the Master's disregard for his or her own safety.

    Hanzo does have a softer side, he enjoys doing calligraphy and playing Shogi, whether against a skilled opponent or teaching a less experienced one. He loves Japanese green tea and rice crackers as a snack, and while he enjoys Sake, he rarely partakes in drinking so has to not impair his abilities should they be needed.



    Strength: B (C)
    Endurance: C (D)
    Agility: B (A)
    Mana: C (B)
    Luck: C
    Noble Phantasm: B+

    Class Skills


    Magic Resistance:
    C
    Grants protection against magical effects.
    Lancer can cancel spells with a chant below two verses.

    Personal Skills


    Eye of the Mind (True):
    A
    A heightened capacity for observation, refined through experience.
    Having lived in an age of constant war and strife, Lancer is capable of reading battles and forming counter-stratagems as well as reading one’s intentions when negotiating.

    Clairvoyance:
    B+
    A skill that connotes superior visual perception and dynamic occipital capture, such as to supplement the long-range aiming of projectile weapons. At higher ranks, it is possible that the bearers of this skill have acquired such abilities as precognition ("future vision") and other forms of perception beyond standard eyesight (X-ray vision and so forth).
    Lancer was born with the ability to see more than he should be able to, as he grew also he has honed it to the point he is able to be several moments in the future.

    Military Tactics:
    B
    Tactical knowledge used not for one-on-one combat situations, but for battles where many are mobilized. Bonus modifiers are provided during use of one's own Anti-Army Noble Phantasm or when dealing against an enemy Anti-Army Noble Phantasm.
    Lancer was an expert tactician who planned a brilliant defense of the ninja homeland in Iga province in 1579 against Oda Nobukatsu the second son of Oda Nobunaga and fought a valiant but ultimately a hopeless effort to prevent the Iga province from being eliminated by forces under the personal command of Nobunaga himself in 1581.

    Ninjutsu:
    B (A)
    The arts practiced by Japanese saboteurs. It is a mix of many talents and disciplines, and thus grants equivalent ranks in the Vitrification, Projectile, Espionage, Disengage, and Subversive Activities skills, along with relatively minor forms of thaumaturgy.
    Lancer's talent in Ninjutsu, in his own admittance, was actually only just above average compared to that of the ninja who serve under him and those from earlier eras of Japan's history, but his fame and legend as the archetypical ninja has caused it to be rendered more powerful when summoned as a Servant, especially the more mystical aspects. Lancer can use skill associated with Ninjutsu with proficiency equivalent to Rank C, this is raised to rank B when Demon of Iga is activated.

    Noble Phantasms


    Onikoroshi no Yari: Spear of the Stalwart Vassal:
    B
    Lancer's spear, given to him as a reward for his rescue of Tokugawa Ieyasu's daughters. The spear will mark anyone under Lancer's command or protection, and allows him to see from their eyes. Furthermore, should one so marked be injured, the spear itself will emerge from the wound in a retaliatory attack, followed by Lancer himself wielding it, allowing him to immediately come to their aid. A formidable ability, but one greatly enhanced by Lancer's Clairvoyance -- since he can see one second into the future, and the spear needs only for its wielder to see the injury occur, the retaliatory strike will occur one second before the wound is actually inflicted, allowing Lancer to prevent the wound from ever occurring at all.

    Demon of Iga: Legend of the Dreaded Shadow:
    A
    A Noble Phantasm that is the manifestation of a popular distortion of Lancer’s legend. Lancer can alter his aspect to become the master ninja he is portrayed as. In exchange for losing one rank to his Strength and Endurance, and the sealing of Military Tactics, Lancer gains a rank to Agility and Mana, and an improved Ninjutsu skill which allows him access to more advanced thaumaturgy arts. If Lancer were summoned an Assassin, this Noble Phantasm is permanently activated.
    Last edited by NightEye; May 6th, 2016 at 03:10 AM.

  12. #14272
    All of Your Sadness Crying's Avatar
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    That's a pretty good Hanzo sheet, but here's a few points;

    1) Clairvoyance can form a sort of precognition effect, as can be seen with Chiron. However, Chiron had "limited sight of the future" through a combination of his B+ Rank Clairvoyance and his A Ranked Eye of the Mind (True). So Hanzo's ranks might, and I stress the might, be too low.

    2) Ninjutsu providing all of those skills, while not my favourite thing in the world, is fine... so long as you change the "grants equivalent ranks" part. He functionally has Vitrification, Projectile (Something, presumably Kunai), Espionage, Disengage and Subversive Activities at Rank B, then Rank A+++ with Demon of Iga. That is way too many skills to have at that rank. Give him them at reduced ranks, at least one rank lower, possibly two.

    3) Onikoroshi is prettyy strong, but I can't think of any way too balance it right now.

    4) You've left out the (Anti-Whatever) part of the NPs.
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  13. #14273
    死徒二十七祖 The Twenty Seven Dead Apostle Ancestors Bird of Hermes's Avatar
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    Which Lancer should I make first?


    1. African Princess


    1. Native American Pathfinder
    2. Irish Pirate Queen
    Last edited by Bird of Hermes; May 4th, 2016 at 04:04 PM. Reason: Did one

  14. #14274
    アルテミット・ワン Ultimate One asterism42's Avatar
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    More African Servants is never a bad thing
    Quote Originally Posted by Sandstorm77 View Post
    He's just putting the bone of his sword into other people until it explodes and lets out parts of him inside them.
    Quote Originally Posted by AvengerEmiya View Post
    Genderswaps are terrible, but I think I and other people would hate them less if Fate didn't keep ignoring actual heroines throughout history and folklore. Like, why bother turning Francis Drake into a woman when Ching Shih and Grace O'Malley exist?
    Quote Originally Posted by Five_X View Post
    Fate Zero is just Fate Stay Night for people who think Shirou is too girly
    Quote Originally Posted by Comun View Post
    I think Alex IV can eat Goku.

  15. #14275
    死徒二十七祖 The Twenty Seven Dead Apostle Ancestors Bird of Hermes's Avatar
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    Class: Lancer
    True Name: Thákane 'Dragon Slaying Princess'
    Alignment: Lawful Neutral
    Place of Origin: South Africa

    Strength- C++
    Endurance- D
    Agility- B
    Mana- E
    Luck- A
    NP- B

    Height/Weight: 170cm/55kg
    Likes: Recognition
    Dislikes: Laziness, Disrespect
    Talents: All the skills necessary for a maid
    Natural Enemy: The reliance of others upon her

    Class Skills:
    • Magic Resistance (C+) - Cancel spells with a chant below two verses. Cannot defend against Magecraft on the level of High-Thaumaturgy and Greater Rituals. However her primary Noble Phantasm grants her resistances to elemental attacks.


    Personal Skills:
    • Blessings of the Lady of the Lake (C) - Blessings from the African Lady of the Lake. As a result, Thákane is amphibious. At this rank, she is unaffected by water and fight with equal proficiency when submerged in a body of water as when on land.
    • Dragon Slayer (B) - A skill for those whose legend revolves around slaying a dragon. Thákane deals extra damage to those with 'Draconic' traits.
    • Instinct (B) - The power to "feel" the most favourable developments for oneself during battle.


    Noble Phantasms

    • Armaments of Nanabolele Hide and Bone of Water Dragons (Anti-Unit/Barrier) (B) - After slaughtering a Nanabolele - an African water dragon - Thákane had its remains transformed into weaponry and armour. Her spear is forged of bone and has the equivalent of a rank B weapon in terms of power. Her armour resist any attack of B rank or lower and give her strong resistance against elemental attacks.
    • Ironstone Pebble Mountains from Molehills (Support) (C) - A gift from the African Lady of the Lake, Thákane can toss the pebble on the ground and summon a huge mountain. This has little practical use due to its sheer size but it can create cover, grant a vantage point, form a base of sorts or simply crush the enemy underneath a mountain.

    Lore

    Thákane was the daughter of a great chieftain. Unfortunately, he passed away early and she was left to raise her lazy and ungrateful brothers.

    When taking them off to train to become great warriors they refused under the pretentious reason of the clothes not being good enough; and demanded a blanket; cap and a shield all made out of Nanabolele skin. The Nanabolele were African water dragons. Regardless of the senseless danger, due to the cultural laws she was expected to do so. Thákane started the hunt, but they didn’t know where to find them so she went to a broad stream and tossed in vast quantities of ox meat until the river started bubbling and an old woman emerged. The old lady gave her a blessing of underwater breathing and took her down underneath the water, to the woman's deserted village.

    The elderly woman revealed herself to be the African 'Lady of the Lake' and the nanabolele had eaten everyone in her village except the old lady, whose skin was too tough from working too hard all her life. So they left her alive to take care of them. She knew Thákane was her best shot at freedom.
    She hid Thákane in a deep hole, and soon the herd of nanabolele came back. Angry they couldn't find anyone to devour, she decided to go to sleep early. As soon as they were asleep, Thákane snuck up to the biggest one and slaughtered it, taking its body parts for the clothes her brothers demanded. Thákane turned to leave, but the lady stopped gave her a small ironstone pebble. Telling her it would turn into a mountain when dropped and that it would help her with the nanabolele.

    "That sounds fake. But ok."

    As the old woman predicted, in the morning, the surviving nanabolele came flying after her, breathing a cloud of red smoke. Thákane threw down the magic pebble, and it instantly grew into a mountain. The nanabolele, were unable to climb the mountain, gave up and went home. The mountain downsized itself back to a pebble, and she continued on their way. When they got to the village and the nanabolele came for revenge, Thákane released the village dogs on them. And so Thákane forged shields, armour, weaponry and shoes out of the and gave them to herself and her brothers. Thankful to Thákane, they gave her a hundred head of cattle.

    Thákane is typically a serious person, always putting duty in her way first and can seem to be a huge bore. She is also incredibly loyal, and will perform any task regardless of her own safety - such as when her lazy younger brothers demanded she go and kill a water dragon because they wanted nice clothes. She's also a bit of a deadpan snarker, and likes to give her commentary on most things though she was used to having her own opinion on matters completely ignored and treated as a maid. That is ultimately what tends to happen when your childhood is sacrificed for others who took you for granted.


    ----------------------

    I had no idea about her legend until I passed her on 'Rejected Princesses', that site is a godsend. I'm not quite sure how to improve her as a servant as she's mid-tier at best

    Blah blah feedback blah blah
    Last edited by Bird of Hermes; May 3rd, 2016 at 05:02 PM. Reason: Changing Description of Skill

  16. #14276
    夜魔 Nightmare ZSB1999's Avatar
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    Definitly interesting, we don't have enough African heroic spirits. She seems to be about mid-tier with her stats holding her back. With instinct and her armour, she would be hard to kill even with her D rank endurance. However while she can tank a lot of damage, she doesn't seem able to dish out as much, unless she's fighting a dragon. Overall a perfectly fine servant sheet on an interesting princess. By the way for someone that could see the future, would it just be Clairvoyance EX, or a unique skill like the eyes that can see the future from Kara no Kyoukai Future Gospel?

  17. #14277
    死徒二十七祖 The Twenty Seven Dead Apostle Ancestors Bird of Hermes's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ZSB1999 View Post
    Definitly interesting, we don't have enough African heroic spirits. She seems to be about mid-tier with her stats holding her back. With instinct and her armour, she would be hard to kill even with her D rank endurance. However while she can tank a lot of damage, she doesn't seem able to dish out as much, unless she's fighting a dragon. Overall a perfectly fine servant sheet on an interesting princess. By the way for someone that could see the future, would it just be Clairvoyance EX, or a unique skill like the eyes that can see the future from Kara no Kyoukai Future Gospel?
    Thanks for the commentary, Solomon has clairvoyance at EX and can see into the past and future. I gave Cassandra of Troy A++ for visions of doom no one would believe. So that ultimately should be enough depending on their level of precognition.

  18. #14278
    超刻 Hyperreal Nuclear's Avatar
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    Artoria can walk on water as well, but it's not listed on her list of Skills.

    Something to consider.

  19. #14279
    死徒二十七祖 The Twenty Seven Dead Apostle Ancestors Bird of Hermes's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nuclear Consensus View Post
    Artoria can walk on water as well, but it's not listed on her list of Skills.

    Something to consider.
    Oh darn, forgot about that. I've changed the description of the skill to be worthy of C rank still.

  20. #14280
    死徒二十七祖 The Twenty Seven Dead Apostle Ancestors Bird of Hermes's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Bird of Hermes View Post
    Which Lancer should I make first?


    1. African Princess


    1. Native American Pathfinder
    2. Irish Pirate Queen
    So who's next?

    Native American servant or Irish servant>

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