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Thanks for the feedback! I wanted to try making something tied to the Magi families inside the Nasuverse and ended up going outside the Fate box. When I took a look at Atlas, I thought that their unique abilities could all qualify as individual skills, and voilŕ.
So anyways, here's the servant I've actually been working on and not one dug up from a month back. She's a lot more of a protaginist-y kind of character, which I haven't really envisioned since Roland a few months ago. As ever, feedback would be nice.
Servant: Saber
True Name: Hua Mulan
Alignment: Neutral Good
Place of Origin: China
Strength- B
Endurance- B
Agility- A
Mana- C
Luck- B
NP- B
Height/Weight: 174cm/69kg
Likes: Family, Honour
Dislikes: Identity crisis
Talent: Poker face, Gambling
Natural Enemy: Herself
Class Skills:
- Magic Resistance (C) - Cancel spells with a chant below three verses. Even if targeted by High-Thaumaturgy and Greater Rituals, it is difficult for him to be affected. Having encountered no magic in life, her rank is unbecoming of the Saber class.
- Riding (A) - All creatures but those of Phantasmal Beast and Divine Beast-rank can be used as mounts. This rank is high enough to have aptitude for the Rider Class.
Personal Skills:
- Charisma (C) - The natural talent to command an army. This rank is suitable for the general of a country's armed forces.
- Chinese Martial Arts (A) - A Chinese rationality. A value that measures one's mastery of the martial arts that made becoming one with the universe as its objective. Its difficulty to learn is of the highest level and, unlike other Skills, it is at A Rank that one is at a level where she is said to have finally "learned it". Mulan is proficient in Kung Fu alongside utilising swords, spears, bows and a variety of other weapons, allowing her to qualify for a plethora of classes.
- Deception (A) - A skill that allows one to cover one's own intentions through usage of mannerisms, accents, speech patterns and subconscious habits. At this rank, one can change their identity completely without anyone knowing. Mulan disguised herself as a man and no one questioned her until she revealed herself after over a decade.
Noble Phantasm
Lore
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I can't remember how I learned about the novel Alamut (and there are no English eBook copies available now...), so I wanted to see if I could make a Servant based on the book without actually having read it. Since I didn't know anything that deep about ibn Tahir or Halima, I ended up doing... Hassan-i-Sabbah. I'm not sure how Bartol's version of him would interact with the Nasuverse lore on the Hassans, or if this would even work at all.
"La shai'a waqi'on motlaq bal kollon momken."
When summoned as a "Hassan-i-Sabbah"
When summoned specifically as himself.
Class: Assassin
Name: Hassan-i-Sabbah
- Other names: Sayyiduna, Hassan ibn Sabbah, Hassan of Jannah
Place of Origin: Middle East (Persia)
Alignment: Neutral Evil
Parameters:
Strength: C
Agility: D
Endurance: D
Magic: A
Luck: B
Noble Phantasm: B++
Class Skills:
- Presence Concealment (D)
This Hassan was no master of stealth; rather, he was a military - and in many ways, a cult - leader. His level of Presence Concealment is suitable for spying.
Personal Skills:
- Charisma (C-)
Hassan possesses the necessary leadership ability to lead an army. if his true nature and deceptions are exposed, the skill suffers a minus penalty and becomes unstable against all those who are aware of it.- Incitement (A-)
Hassan's skill at speaking orders and propaganda is strong to the point of qualifying as a mental attack, but can be resisted by those with strong convictions. Like his Charisma, it becomes unstable if his true nature is revealed.- Familiar (humans) (D)
Allows the use of humans as familiars. While it is normally unheard of to keep humans as familiars, the most brainwashed followers, the greatest feyadeen of the Old Man of the Mountain could be considered just that, and often times truly became Familiars when either dead or on the brink of death. He is capable of sharing perception with them and directing them by thought. He starts with three; while he can create more, it takes an extremely long time.- Medicinal Agriculture (B)
The ability to create and grow plants with effects on the body and process them into useable material. While possessing a high rank in the skill, Hassan is restricted to working with cannabis plants for the purpose of creating drugs (including his famous hashish).
Noble Phantasm:
Spoiler:
Lore:
Spoiler:
Personality:
Hassan is very much a pragmatist and is more than willing to manipulate and deceive others to get what he wants. Despite professing to be a faithful Muslim and an agent of God, he does not put his supposed faith in very high regard. Rather, he views Islam, and his followers faith in it as a means of amassing more power. He could very easily fit in with the dictators of the modern era. When meeting somebody for the first time, he will try to portray himself as a genuine servant of God, with the ability to give God's reward the faithful in order to ensure his Charisma and Incitement skills will work to their fullest extent on them. However, he will not panic if they realize his true methods and identity, despite the weakening of his skills when interacting with them. His wish for the Holy Grail would to see the Nizari Assassins restored, for him to be at their head, and for them to spread their power all across the world.
Miscellaneous:
Likes: victory
Dislikes: His enemies (duh), Sunni Muslims
Talents: lying, manipulating others.
Natural Enemy: those who have no desire for heaven
Catalyst:
- To summon him as one of the 19 Hassan-i-Sabbah: the word Assassin.
- To summon him as an independent Heroic Spirit: the phrase "Nothing is true and everything is permitted" or any variations thereof.
Notes: this Hassan possesses some talent in Magecraft, but it is both extremely specialized in the area of Familiar creation and extremely weak, thus not qualifying him for the skill.
Last edited by Constructman; May 1st, 2016 at 06:24 PM.
@Mulan: didn't expect the description of her psyche. It's something that happens to many people in real life, but I ever anticipated it showing up here. Will Mulan switch between the Fighter andbthe Lover at random? Or are they different "masks" for different situations?
Her skills look good, but her Noble Phantasm by itself seems a little plan. Though I guess that due to Chinese Martial Arts, it would become extremely dangerous.
I noted that you didn't touch on her death as described in Romance of the Sui and Tang, but it's an obscure part of her legend anyway.
He's certainly a different Hassan. His Noble Phantasms and skills work well together. Incitement is a rare skill to see any you've incorporated it into him well. As For the Garden of Alamut. I personally dislike using Reality Marbles unless they're inventive. I admittedly used one on my William Wallace sheet but thet's because I ran out of ideas. This one however works, as it suits his personality and intertwines with his other Noble Phantasms instead "Summon army- other person loses." So nice job!
As for Mulan, the psyche is something I added to her character to a different spin on her tale. Its either "She returned home happily ever after" and ignoring any potential problems or a despair induced suicide which make all her struggles pointless. That is ultimately why i avoided her death as described in Romance of the Sui and Tang as it's only one variation of her legend. I wanted to avoid Darkness-Induced Audience Apathy. Meaningful confict is the soul of drama and the internets general obsession with "Edginess" and Nhilism is something i find pointless. In short PTSD from a 12 year war was bad enough without everything that happened in the end of one certain version of the story, so I left it out.
Anyways, back to my Mulan sheet. The Noble Phantasm is admittedly lacking is "Cool" but she's not meant to be flashy. She's efficient. As for the Psyche questions, it's all subconsious, the "Masks" as you call them aren't swtichable by choice. It happens without her control, depending on her overall emotional vulnerability or stability.
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I see. That clarifies things. And I can see the efficiency point. She would be a very tough opponent to fight one on one.
- - - Updated - - -
RE: Hassan. Your comment about Reality Marbles is sound. Admittedly, I was very unsure about giving him a second Noble Phantasm, as all of the canon Hassans only had one. I wanted to incorporate the gardens and hashish brainwashing but also wanted to include a Zabaniya, despite trying to make him, as you said, 'a different Hassan". I didn't see him as the type to spend several weeks building something like the Hanging Gardens, so i just said "screw it, time to cop Nero's style".
Last edited by Constructman; April 30th, 2016 at 11:15 PM.
I was going to comment about Mu Lan having A-ranked Chinese Martial Arts because I thought it was the rank of Li Shuwen, but his is A++ lol, it makes me think how about people who is better at it than Li Shuwen, EX?
I really liked this Mu Lan, and her sword seems pretty nice, never heard of it before and I could just think how cool would it is. I always expecte Mu Lan having a Noble Phantasm in a similar fashion of the helm of Mordred tho.
A bit late to comment on Goliath but I don't think he needs both Gigantism and Monstrous Strength, two distinct Skills reflecting the same aspect of his legend (association with monsters/giants), and even the mechanical effects are somewhat similar. Just one or the other should be enough (Gigantism adds more flavor, so I'd recommend scrapping MS). Nice choice on the Strange Straps NP, not a whole lot of detail on Goliath in legend (since he's pretty much 'that really strong guy David beat'), so you have to reach and pull in things from other people's legends associated with him. Effect is about a simple as they come, but a more complicated or conceptual NP wouldn't really fit Goliath anyways.
Regarding Hua Mulan- I could easily see her being the Servant of the protagonist in a fanfic. She'd definitely be interesting with her 'split personality' (certainly this Mulan's no Disney heroine!). I imagine she'd be act lovey-dovey with the MC (or whoever) and in battle becomes a ruthless and unstoppable soldier, a bit like Moka's 'inner' and 'outer' selves from Rosario+Vampire. Maybe the character development in her 'route' would be the protag learning to accept both sides of her personality and tell her that she's beautiful either way or something cheesy like that (followed by the obligatory eroge sex-scene).
Her NP is very much the 'simple, but effective' type (even more so then Goliath's!), but that has its own kind of elegance. I think B might be a bit too high a rank for something that doesn't really have any conceptual or otherwise fancy properties (maybe C?) but that's just me, and I get you were going for the 'just a really, really well-made sword' deal. My own idea from the summary you gave was that it could cut at range anything falling under the 'blade-shadow' it casts, representing how the sword only 'showed itself' by its shadow. So it could cut things at a distance without physically touching them, just as long as it can cast a shadow against them. Though assuming it was otherwise just a plain hilt, that'd pretty much leave her without any way of defending herself in close combat... (Maybe she could have an additional, mundane sword? I dunno.)
- - - Updated - - -
Even worse. His is actually A+++ (or so says the wiki, anyway).
Class: Lancer
True Name: Hattori Hanzo/ Hattori Masanari
Titles: Demon Hanzo
Sex: Male
Alignment: Lawful Neutral
Face Claim
Personality
Strength: B (C)
Endurance: C (D)
Agility: B (A)
Mana: C (B)
Luck: C
Noble Phantasm: B+
Class Skills
Magic Resistance: C
Grants protection against magical effects.
Lancer can cancel spells with a chant below two verses.
Personal Skills
Eye of the Mind (True): A
A heightened capacity for observation, refined through experience.
Having lived in an age of constant war and strife, Lancer is capable of reading battles and forming counter-stratagems as well as reading one’s intentions when negotiating.
Clairvoyance: B+
A skill that connotes superior visual perception and dynamic occipital capture, such as to supplement the long-range aiming of projectile weapons. At higher ranks, it is possible that the bearers of this skill have acquired such abilities as precognition ("future vision") and other forms of perception beyond standard eyesight (X-ray vision and so forth).
Lancer was born with the ability to see more than he should be able to, as he grew also he has honed it to the point he is able to be several moments in the future.
Military Tactics: B
Tactical knowledge used not for one-on-one combat situations, but for battles where many are mobilized. Bonus modifiers are provided during use of one's own Anti-Army Noble Phantasm or when dealing against an enemy Anti-Army Noble Phantasm.
Lancer was an expert tactician who planned a brilliant defense of the ninja homeland in Iga province in 1579 against Oda Nobukatsu the second son of Oda Nobunaga and fought a valiant but ultimately a hopeless effort to prevent the Iga province from being eliminated by forces under the personal command of Nobunaga himself in 1581.
Ninjutsu: B (A)
The arts practiced by Japanese saboteurs. It is a mix of many talents and disciplines, and thus grants equivalent ranks in the Vitrification, Projectile, Espionage, Disengage, and Subversive Activities skills, along with relatively minor forms of thaumaturgy.
Lancer's talent in Ninjutsu, in his own admittance, was actually only just above average compared to that of the ninja who serve under him and those from earlier eras of Japan's history, but his fame and legend as the archetypical ninja has caused it to be rendered more powerful when summoned as a Servant, especially the more mystical aspects. Lancer can use skill associated with Ninjutsu with proficiency equivalent to Rank C, this is raised to rank B when Demon of Iga is activated.
Noble Phantasms
Onikoroshi no Yari: Spear of the Stalwart Vassal: B
Lancer's spear, given to him as a reward for his rescue of Tokugawa Ieyasu's daughters. The spear will mark anyone under Lancer's command or protection, and allows him to see from their eyes. Furthermore, should one so marked be injured, the spear itself will emerge from the wound in a retaliatory attack, followed by Lancer himself wielding it, allowing him to immediately come to their aid. A formidable ability, but one greatly enhanced by Lancer's Clairvoyance -- since he can see one second into the future, and the spear needs only for its wielder to see the injury occur, the retaliatory strike will occur one second before the wound is actually inflicted, allowing Lancer to prevent the wound from ever occurring at all.
Demon of Iga: Legend of the Dreaded Shadow: A
A Noble Phantasm that is the manifestation of a popular distortion of Lancer’s legend. Lancer can alter his aspect to become the master ninja he is portrayed as. In exchange for losing one rank to his Strength and Endurance, and the sealing of Military Tactics, Lancer gains a rank to Agility and Mana, and an improved Ninjutsu skill which allows him access to more advanced thaumaturgy arts. If Lancer were summoned an Assassin, this Noble Phantasm is permanently activated.
Last edited by NightEye; May 6th, 2016 at 03:10 AM.
That's a pretty good Hanzo sheet, but here's a few points;
1) Clairvoyance can form a sort of precognition effect, as can be seen with Chiron. However, Chiron had "limited sight of the future" through a combination of his B+ Rank Clairvoyance and his A Ranked Eye of the Mind (True). So Hanzo's ranks might, and I stress the might, be too low.
2) Ninjutsu providing all of those skills, while not my favourite thing in the world, is fine... so long as you change the "grants equivalent ranks" part. He functionally has Vitrification, Projectile (Something, presumably Kunai), Espionage, Disengage and Subversive Activities at Rank B, then Rank A+++ with Demon of Iga. That is way too many skills to have at that rank. Give him them at reduced ranks, at least one rank lower, possibly two.
3) Onikoroshi is prettyy strong, but I can't think of any way too balance it right now.
4) You've left out the (Anti-Whatever) part of the NPs.
Which Lancer should I make first?
- African Princess
- Native American Pathfinder
- Irish Pirate Queen
Last edited by Bird of Hermes; May 4th, 2016 at 04:04 PM. Reason: Did one
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Class: Lancer
True Name: Thákane 'Dragon Slaying Princess'
Alignment: Lawful Neutral
Place of Origin: South Africa
Strength- C++
Endurance- D
Agility- B
Mana- E
Luck- A
NP- B
Height/Weight: 170cm/55kg
Likes: Recognition
Dislikes: Laziness, Disrespect
Talents: All the skills necessary for a maid
Natural Enemy: The reliance of others upon her
Class Skills:
- Magic Resistance (C+) - Cancel spells with a chant below two verses. Cannot defend against Magecraft on the level of High-Thaumaturgy and Greater Rituals. However her primary Noble Phantasm grants her resistances to elemental attacks.
Personal Skills:
- Blessings of the Lady of the Lake (C) - Blessings from the African Lady of the Lake. As a result, Thákane is amphibious. At this rank, she is unaffected by water and fight with equal proficiency when submerged in a body of water as when on land.
- Dragon Slayer (B) - A skill for those whose legend revolves around slaying a dragon. Thákane deals extra damage to those with 'Draconic' traits.
- Instinct (B) - The power to "feel" the most favourable developments for oneself during battle.
Noble PhantasmsLore
----------------------
I had no idea about her legend until I passed her on 'Rejected Princesses', that site is a godsend. I'm not quite sure how to improve her as a servant as she's mid-tier at best
Blah blah feedback blah blah
Last edited by Bird of Hermes; May 3rd, 2016 at 05:02 PM. Reason: Changing Description of Skill
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Definitly interesting, we don't have enough African heroic spirits. She seems to be about mid-tier with her stats holding her back. With instinct and her armour, she would be hard to kill even with her D rank endurance. However while she can tank a lot of damage, she doesn't seem able to dish out as much, unless she's fighting a dragon. Overall a perfectly fine servant sheet on an interesting princess. By the way for someone that could see the future, would it just be Clairvoyance EX, or a unique skill like the eyes that can see the future from Kara no Kyoukai Future Gospel?
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Artoria can walk on water as well, but it's not listed on her list of Skills.
Something to consider.
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