There were a lot of things Rin wanted to call bullshit on. For example, she wanted to tell Shirou that Saber's noble phantasm was not a "Hyper Beam," despite its similarities to the move from pokemon. Sure, it looked like a giant beam of light, and sure Saber couldn't take any action after she used it... but Saber called herself called the attack Excalibur!
And then there was the fact that Shirou immediately had his hands all over Illyasviel the second she was defeated. Granted, the Illyasviel had tried to murder them moments ago, and granted she knew defeated trainers usually gave you prize money, but there was nothing in the series that showed the player physically patting down the loser for their wallet – it was a children's video game, after all.
The thing that Rin wanted to call the most bullshit on, though?
“Go, Berserker!”
...the fact that somehow Berserker was up and ready to fight again.
To be honest, Rin should have been terrified. Berserker was undoubtedly the most dangerous servant in this war and their only hopes of fighting him, Saber, was currently exhausted. As powerful as her noble phantasm was, it cost Saber too much to continue to battle. Meanwhile, Berserker seemed no worse for wear, as if death had been nothing more than a brief, almost refreshing nap for him.
However, Rin didn't really feel scared at all. If anything, she felt annoyed. This entire war had been one frustrating setback after another, and when she felt like she had finally knocked down one obstacle it stood back up, grew fifty feet taller and then raised its giant spiky axe club thing to smack her. Any time something could have gone wrong, it did.
That was fine. This was the Holy Grail War. Rin never expected things to go smoothly for her; she knew very well that she could die in battle. However, she at least hoped that if her enemies died that they would have the same decency as her to stay dead.
“Wait,” Rin said, massaging her temples with one hand. She didn't even care that Berserker had no reason to listen to her; Berserkers were not well known for listening to their own masters, let alone their enemies. They were usually too insane to even understand any pleas for mercy, let alone consider holding back. It could even take a command seal to reign them in.
And yet-
“Hold.”
-he suddenly stopped, frozen in mid swing by a single word from his master. Being able to restrain her servant in the middle of a death blow was a testament to Illya's power... and, perhaps her childish curiosity.
“What is it, Rin?” Illya asked, tilting her head. “You do know we're supposed to be in the middle of a battle, right?”
“Of course, I do,” Rin snapped back. “I don't need you to point out the obvious. But if you're going to kill us anyway, it won't hurt you to answer one question, would it?”
Illya hummed, taking a moment to consider it. In the end, it didn't really matter how much longer she let them lives. “I suppose not. I'll even be nice, and let you ask a second question now.”
“How is your servant still alive? I saw him turn to dust – no, less than dust. The only thing left of him was his feet.”
Illya frowned; really, Rin's question was more disappointing than she expected. “Didn't you say I didn't need to point out the obvious?”
“Humor me.”
“Well, alright,” Illya said with a shrug. “It's not that complicated, you know. I just used a max revive.”
“...you're joking,” Rin deadpanned. “Not even Shirou would fall for something like that.”
“You did tell me to humor you. I thought it was pretty funny myself. Besides,” Illya said with a smile, shooting a glance at Shirou. “I don't know – Onii-chan does seem like he's naive enough to believe it.”
“Of course I wouldn't,” Shirou said proudly, puffing up his chest. “Don't forget, I checked your pockets earlier. I know for a fact that you never had any sort of revives at all!”
Rin facepalmed. “...yeah, you know what? I think I'm ready to die now.”
“Don't give up yet,” Shirou said, patting her shoulder. “I have a plan.”
Neither his action, nor his words, gave any confidence to Rin. “Does it involve using hyper beam again?” she asked, holding back a groan.
Shirou shook his head. “That would be a good idea, but unfortunately I don't think we can do that again. Saber used up all of her power points in that last exchange.”
“Shirou... I told you last night, it's called prana.”
“Then why were you saying Saber needed my PP?”
Rin stared at him.
Saber stared at him.
Illya stared at him, and Berserker would have stared at him too, if he still wasn't frozen in place by Illya's order.
Meanwhile, Shirou just stood there, confused.
“Did I say something strange?”
“...I give up,” Rin said, finally breaking her silence. “What's your master plan?”
“It's simple,” he said confidently. “We just have to talk her out of killing us.”
“Oh...?” Ilya said, peering at Shirou. “And what could you possibly say to change my mind?”
“Team Instinct has a gym at Fuyuki Church.”
XXX
“I don't believe this,” Rin said, as she watched Berserker and Saber tear the church apart in their fight against the archer from the previous war. “All this time, Kotomine was hiding my father's servant here... just how did you figure it out?”
“Oh that's easy,” Shirou said. “I just checked on my smartphone when we came here the other day. Everybody knows you can always find a gym at a church – and everybody knows something suspicious must be going on if Team Instinct is managing to hold onto a gym.”
“...”
“...Rin, are you okay?”
“What's a smart phone?”