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Thread: Von Einzbern's War

  1. #1

    Von Einzbern's War

    Posted this on a few other sites, where it got recommended that I post it here as well. Enjoy!

    There are several rules that one should follow if they wish to live in the Moonlit World. Don't invite a Dead Apostle over for a drink. Try to stay beneath Kischur Zelretch's notice. If command seals appear on your arm, cut it off and get yourself a new one. Never cut a deal with a magus.


    Rudolf von Sebottendorf knows none of them, and that ignorance will save countless lives.

    The Nazi's cut a deal with Jubstacheit von Einzbern. He'd make them an army of snow angels to put the fear of the Reich into the hearts of its enemies. They would lay the resources of Germany at his feet to be used in his unending quest for the Third Magic. Problem is, Old Man Acht finds the title of "Adviser for Occult Activities" insulting, and is fairly sure he could run this whole "Third Reich" shindig more efficiently than this Hitler fellow.

    INDEX

    The Castle in the Forest: 1, 2,

    - - - Updated - - -

    December 1st, 1932
    Somwhere in the Western Sudetes

    The leaves shifted. A good man died.

    Drained of blood by the sinewy tendrils that had taken root beneath his skin, it would be wrong to call the eagle-spread husk of bone and skin suspended between the branches a human corpse. The Thompson Gunners who had but moments ago believed this job was easy money did their best to shove the image of the exsanguinated man from their mind, to pretend it did not exist. Not out of contempt for him - he had been a friend to them all, the one who sang loudest when they drank their fill but had no luck with the ladies - but of fear. There would be time to mourn him when they returned to the crackling hearth and raucous laughter of that little tavern in Lomza where that fool Sebottendorf had hired them for this "camping trip". Then and there the corpse was but a pile of dried meat and bones, best ignored and left without contemplation for the time being.

    The wind did not blow, but the trees moved regardless. A hundred muzzle flashes spat streams of lead at the phantoms that danced between the branches, branches and vines alike sawed away with each buzzing crack of gunpowder. Half a dozen men armed for bears and bandits was a poor match for a forest hungry for the blood of humans, and their desperation as the circle closed was matched only by the patience of the trees. Dominik, who would be the first of the six remaining men to die, turned towards where he had last seen his employer, and tightened his jaw. No man, no body, simply a trail of blood leading off into a thicket of carnivorous bastards. The Mercenary crossed himself before once again opening fire - dead or fleeing, Rudolf von Sebottendorf was in the hands of God now.

    "Well this job is fucked," he shouted, his voice but a whisper over the roar of gunpowder and lead striking wood. "Rudolf is dead and so is Gustav! What say we call it quits and go grab ourselves a drink?"

    The humor in Dominik's voice died nearly as quickly as he and all of the other mercenaries would, when the the Forest finally stopped toying with its prey and struck. But it staved off the despair of certain death, and lifted forth a front of steel resolve behind which the men would face their ends with laughter. Valhalla would have six more souls tonight.

    "It wouldn't be the same!" Henryk called back. The Forest would kill him second, not out of any particular contempt for the man, but because his ammunition would run out five seconds after Dominik's. "With Gustav gone, the ladies would have to balk at one of us instead!"

    "You're right!" Marcus returned with the changing of his magazine. The last one of them to fall, he would face his death with dignity and defiance, earning himself a place at Thor's table. "I'd bet on Albin - his fat Jew-nose has got to be a turn off."

    "Go fuck yourself," Albin spat, pulling the pin from a grenade. Third to die, when his ammunition ran out he would grasp his knife in one hand and his rosary in the other, and charge at the forest with Psalms 23:4 upon his lips. "At least I have a nose! Isn't that right, Bartosz?"

    "It is, it is," the noseless gunner conceded. Second to last, his death would come as a surprise, before he was given a chance to go out in a blaze of glory.

    Dominik's gun clicked, the last of his magazines empty. He stared into the shadows of the forest with fear, and a thousand shapeless and unblinking eyes stared back at him. The banches moved quickly now, birds and smaller fauna impaled upon them in a way that called to mind the tales of Vlad the Impaler. The vines lashed out like serpents, grabbing at the mercenary's wrists, tendrils sinking into his veins.

    And then the Forest of Einnashe drank its fill.

    ------

    No matter how hard he ran, the branches shifted all the same. A persistence hunter, the Forest stalked him patiently, waiting for the moment when he would collapse from exhaustion. For all the pure Aryan blood that flowed through his veins, Rudolf von Sebottendorf was no athlete. Even now, but half an hour into his panicked flight, his legs weighed him down like sacks of leaden jelly, his muscles searing with the white hot irons of over-exertion. Anemia took his strength, perhaps - he knew he left behind him a crimson trail painting the underbrush, the whipping branches of this living woods killing him slowly with a thousand lashes. No longer did he care for the rumors that had brought him here; Flamel could keep his Philosopher's Stone! The mysteries of Alchemy, the future of the Motherland, the fate of the Aryan race - none of those mattered now to his monkey brain. A howling chimp it screamed at him, Run! Flee! Escape! Do all that is in your power to keep yourself from becoming this creature's prey!

    The gunshots stopped. Rudolf's mind barely recognized this, he had all but forgotten that those foolish men chose fight over flight, their instincts demand they face this predator swinging. Brave, he might have called them, exemplars of the Germanic peoples, but wrapped in fear and choking against the cloudy haze of blood-loss he could hardly think at all. Just one foot in front of the other, as fast as his legs could manage - the pain in his muscles, the pain from his wounds, he used it to temper his fear and remind himself to keep moving and never stop. Sprains, tears, cuts, infections, anything was better than the certain death that awaited him if he stopped.

    Anything.

    But all too soon he misstepped. A root caught his foot, and he tumbled down like Atlas, the burden of all his aches and wounds and fears crashing down upon his soul. Crushed beneath the weight of certain death he somehow felt calm, as if his mother had embraced him. Fifty seven years was a good life, was it not? His youth had fled him three decades back - not a tragedy, then, like those brave young souls who met the Forest with their guns. He hung his head, and prayed one last time - for their salvation, and his own.

    The Forest closed in. It moved not unlike the beasts described by the works of a certain author in the American penny-dreadfuls, roots ripping from the dirt like the tentacles of a cephalopod. The trees slowly lumbered forward, the earth groaning a low roar in strain as their prehensile limbs dragged the bodies forward. Rudolf could almost hear a low chuckle, as he had as a boy imagined filled the back-alley streets of London at the height of Jack the Ripper. He wished that he could live, to see the Nazi Party and the Aryan race rise from the ashes of the Weimar Republic, and guide the world towards a shining future. But if this was the fate which the gods had laid before him, then he would accept it, lest he incur their wrath.

    As the tendrils lashed out, ready to relieve him of his life's blood, a thought crossed his mind. Perhaps Flamel had made this creature as a protector, to keep the fear of the darker places of the world in the hearts of Man. To keep nosy Occultists who pretended to his Craft from seeking him out, and begging him for a drop of his secrets.

    The wind did not blow. The leaves rustled regardless. The Forest of Einnashe prepared to drink its fill...

    Of course, it never got the chance.

    A steel crescent passed over Rudolf's head, heralded by an ear-splitting crack of thunder and carrying with it all the winds that howl between the mountain valleys. Okay, perhaps that is just putting it in poetic terms, but the spinning arc is followed swiftly by a roar of thunder, before it strikes one of the trees with all the force of a 105mm Howitzer. It is a testament to the fortitude inherent to even the most fragile of the Dead Apostle ancestors that the Vampiric Tree was simply split through, and not shattered into a thousand splinters. A second whirling blade follows, and soon after that a third, each one striking another of the trees with more force than the last. Like a weapon from the Australian Outback, the blades return to the hands of their owners with near the speed they had struck out at the Forest, each of them taking a protective stance around the fallen man.

    Rudolf's mind struggled to comprehend this change. A trinity of girlish angels draped in snow white robes - each no doubt of Michael's get - come to save the wretched life of a lifelong sinner and heretic with blades wrought of silver fire. Truly they were divine, for with sword and axe and halberd they accomplished what men with gun and grenade could not, driving the wretched living forest back into the depths of the woods. They were war cloaked in flesh, Valkyries or Virtues - whatever name you would give them, they moved with grace and aptitude far beyond what could be called human. Cracking thunder joined each swing of their blades even as one hefted him over his shoulder and fled with her sisters from the scene with all alacrity. They spoke with each other in a worried tongue which he could not understand; perhaps a divine speech long lost to Man, or perhaps just a side effect of his exsanguination.

    In either case, he let the blackness take him. He was safe in these angels' hands.
    Last edited by Rosencrantz14; November 19th, 2013 at 04:10 PM.

  2. #2
    祖 Ancestor crystalwatcher's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rosencrantz14 View Post
    The Nazi's cut a deal with Jubstacheit von Einzbern. He'd make them an army of snow angels to put the fear of the Reich into the hearts of its enemies. They would lay the resources of Germany at his feet to be used in his unending quest for the Third Magic. Problem is, Old Man Acht finds the title of "Adviser for Occult Activities" insulting, and is fairly sure he could run this whole "Third Reich" shindig more efficiently than this Hitler fellow.
    My first responce was, "Oh Shit."

    My Second: "Glorious."
    End of an Empire

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  3. #3
    Preformance Pertension SeiKeo's Avatar
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    So, the rest of you readers, you're taking notes, right?
    Quote Originally Posted by asterism42 View Post
    That time they checked out that hot guy they were just admiring his watch, yeah?


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    Vlovle Bloble's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LeopardBear View Post
    So, the rest of you readers, you're taking notes, right?
    Dis shit be good bro. Makes me feel downright illiterate just reading dat prose.

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    闇色の六王権 The Dark Six Imperial's Avatar
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    Awwwwww, yeah

    This is going to be great.

    Quote Originally Posted by LeopardBear View Post
    So, the rest of you readers, you're taking notes, right?
    Notes on what, exactly?

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    闇色の六王権 The Dark Six Polly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Imperial View Post
    Notes on what, exactly?
    The writing is excellent. It puts me to shame.

    And I will be following this so very much.
    My attempts at being a (fanfic) writer:

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    死徒(上級)Greater Dead Apostle CompositeGNFNR's Avatar
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    Nice Read.

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    Don't @ me if your fanfic doesn't even have Shirou/Illya shipping k thnx ItsaRandomUsername's Avatar
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    Expertly done word weaving is my primary literary fetish, so for that alone I'll opt to follow this. Worldbuilding is my secondary literary fetish, so I guess that means I have two reasons to want to see more of this.
    McJon01: We all know that the real reason Archer would lose to Rider is because the events of his own Holy Grail War left him with a particular weakness toward "older sister" types.
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    This may hurt a little Neir's Avatar
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    Holy hell, dat writing. I may actually keep up with this.
    Quote Originally Posted by lantzblades View Post
    says the hater, you keep on hating, i'll be around ignoring your invalid, incorrect opinion.
    [18:00] Spinach: Because I don't like Saber's personality but boy oh boy does she make my dick turn to diamonds when I see her getting tentacled.
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    闇色の六王 ~ ♡ Renko's Avatar
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    It seems I discovered a hidden gem among the pile of literature called Fanfiction.
    Last edited by Renko; November 18th, 2013 at 07:47 PM.

    "......"

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    No glasses, huh? Mooncake's Avatar
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    Glorious - definitely merits a follow. It's interesting because I'm actually researching the Nazis for a research paper… but I like the originality of this story. Keep it up, and this will really be something great .
    Last edited by Mooncake; November 19th, 2013 at 08:42 PM.
    [12:37] <I3uster> if playing overwatch would save my mother from the deathbed
    [12:37] <I3uster> id probably flip a coin
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    [18:23] <frantic> in AX he would like
    [18:23] <frantic> drink 8 shots of espresso
    [18:23] <frantic> then he'd turn to me an hour later
    [18:23] <frantic> 'frantic', he'd say, his eyes wild and his lips smug
    [18:23] <frantic> 'i need coffee'

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    woolooloo Kirby's Avatar
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    Woah. I don't know what I expected, but this is actually pretty amazing.
    Quote Originally Posted by Dullahan View Post
    there aren't enough gun emojis in the thousandfold trichiliocosm for this shit


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    Sentimental Fool NewAgeOfPower's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ItsaRandomUsername View Post
    Expertly done word weaving is my primary literary fetish, so for that alone I'll opt to follow this. Worldbuilding is my secondary literary fetish, so I guess that means I have two reasons to want to see more of this.
    Additional Dakka is required.
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  14. #14
    December 1st, 1932
    Castle Einzbern, Western Sudetes

    The Castle Einzbern took little care to contrast itself from the snow-topped peak upon which it perched, a snowy eagle watching the world below. The silent hum of an unyielding bounded field permeated the air, a sonata played upon a six string leyline by glyphs thinly traced in golden orichalcum upon the marble walls. Crimson carpet near half an inch thick brought a measure of color to the winter-white tiling whose silvery runes shed warmth to the mountain chill. Wizened faces stern and scholarly appraised the swarm of girlish homunculi scurrying about their work, the hundred portraits hanging along the halls a testament to the Einzbern’s thousand-year legacy of alchemy and wishcraft. From behind his mahogany desk, a chiseled old man with steely eyes and icy beard looked down upon Lizbet von Einzbern with a frown slightly more disapproving than usual.

    A moment passed in silence. Lizbet struggled to keep from averting her gaze. A task of truly herculean effort, for not only did the office of Jubstacheit von Einzbern hold numerous arcane and interesting artifacts, but the old man radiated fury like a blast furnace radiated heat. With a serenity befitting of the noblest of lineages, he reached across his desk to a cup of delicate porcelain; and for all the anger and disappointment that stirred beneath his skin, the Old Man’s hands did not so much as quiver as he brought it to his lips. Eyes closed, he indulged in this most precious of luxuries, allowing the taste of unsweetened and bitter leaves and spices to soften his features from iron to granite.

    A good sign for the young homunculus. Maybe.

    The cup returns to the saucer. Jubstacheit’s glare returns to his subordinate.

    “Lizbet, I do believe that I misheard you.” The ancient alchemist spoke in a deep and growling baritone, a voice that belonged to a man less than half his age – certainly not the wizened and haggard wheezing one would expect from a man at the precipice of his first century. “Must be the old age biting away at my senses. I fear I heard you tell a story in which your patrol executed the daring rescue of a no doubt handsome young gentleman from the clutches of the Seventh Dead Apostle Ancestor. Which simply can’t be true – you and you sisters are well aware of the standing orders regarding the Forest of Einnashe as it passes through our territory.”

    He turned back to his cup of tea and brought it once more to his lips, pausing to blow away the puffs of steam that wafted skyward from its surface.

    “Do not provoke. Do not engage. And certainly do not charge it like some reckless crusader.”

    The smile splitting Lizbet’s face would not have been out of place on an errant child caught stealing from the cookie jar. She wrung her hands, the gears in her brain spinning away as the metaphorical clockwork searched for a way to answer Lord Jubstacheit without further provoking his wrath.

    “You’ll be happy to know that you’re assessment is correct, Great Father.” Her voice held less sarcasm than a pauper carried coin, a cheerful and earnest soprano that chirped like an uncaged songbird. “It would be far too generous to describe the man that Gabrielle, Aleit, and I rescued from the Seventh as handsome. He’s old and wrinkled and rather quite pudgy.”

    The look that Jubstacheit sent her could have withered the Amazon.

    The grin that Lizbet returned could trot right into the slaughterhouse and be butchered for mutton.

    “I’m relieved,” Jubstacheit admitted, the weight of his voices speaking volumes of how he was not. “At the very least it was not a girlish flight of fancy that robbed you of your senses. I will give you thirty seconds. Justify the risks you took engaging that monster without even a mystic code, let alone the conceptual armaments necessary to harm the more powerful Dead Apostles.”

    “I thought he may have been important, Great Father.”

    A slightly quirked eyebrow spoke of Jubstacheit’s acceptance of her reasoning – a decision that followed the logic of Pascal’s Wager, the go to words being better safe than sorry. The old man preferred his logic to take a more Bayesian progression, following a decision tree so arcane that the Sephirot was the Sunday Paper in comparison. But from time to time he forced himself to recognize that not everyone was a ninety seven year old alchemist of such genius that had not been seen since Flamel revolutionized the Art.

    “Understandable,” Jubstacheit commented. “I cannot imagine that these deep woodlands are the natural habitat of the hefty urbanite. Better they stay to their cobble streets and motorcars than come so deep into the wilderness – so clearly he had some business bringing him hear. But it could not have been business with me, or our family. He has but three magic circuits, from what Giselle tells me, and none of them have been awakened. The rescue of some nameless man does not justify the risk you took – not only to yourself, but your sisters.”

    He leveled a gaze at Lizbet that could have frozen beer.

    “There are two hundred and thirteen homunculi living in this compound.” The Old Man’s voice carries no tone, its sole purpose to strip the facts as bare as a newborn child. “There are seven hundred and eighty seven homunculi matured but not yet decanted. Here upon my seat of power I may have been able to slay that creature should it have chosen to follow you and your sisters back. But the odds are just as likely it would kill me. Need I describe in detail the feast it would have had, had it descended upon our castle and we proved incapable of driving it back?”

    “No, Great Father.” Lizbet hung her head as the thoughts of unintended consequences mocked her with half-sketched portraits drawn her sisters’ blood as pigment. Nausea flecked her snow white skin with the slightest shade of green. “I can imagine it quite well.”

    “Good.” The Old Man clapped his hands, his mood lightening like a rising sun. “You are not to leave the Castle halls for the next week – spend your free time in prayer, or in contemplation, or finishing the Illiad for all I care, just do not leave the castle. As for your duties, return your zweihander to the armory and pay Giselle and her newest patient a visit. I’m sure she can find something for you to do, whether it’s changing his dressings or cleaning his bedpan.”

    “Great Father?”

    Lizbet tilted her head in confusion, much like a dog would when its master took it to the veterinarian’s office to be spayed after being promised a day of tennis balls, tree shade, and park grass.

    “Aleit and Gabrielle told me in no uncertain terms that it was your idea to save the man,” Jubstacheit stated plainly. “As such, this… von Stoddendorf, was it?... is your responsibility to care for. Dear Giselle will, of course, keep tabs upon his health and ensure that he recovers, but some of the newly decanted have been reacting poorly to their diet, and…” His grin belonged more to a wolf than a man. “Well, she’ll be too busy to take care of the more routine parts of nursing a dying man back to health.”

  15. #15
    Alright, nitpicking time:

    shunt the image
    "Shut the image".

    [...]the phantoms that danced between the branches, branches and vines alike[...]
    The repetition of "branches" bothers me, but maybe I'm being overly pedantic.

    Half a dozen men armed for bears and bandits was a poor match
    "Were a poor match".

    thicket of carnivorous bastards
    Man-eating trees can be described in a multitude of ways, and "carnivorous bastards" is one of the worse ones.

    But [the forest's attack] staved off the despair of certain death
    Brackets added to showcase that, in this context, "stave off" is rather unfitting.

    Valhalla would have six more souls tonight.
    earning himself a place at Thor's table
    he would grasp his knife in one hand and his rosary in the other, and charge at the forest with Psalms 23:4 upon his lips.
    There is a narrative dissonance in flip-flopping between paganistic imagery and referencing Christian doxology and motifs. In this case it could be that Albin is the only Christian in the group, but the issue resurfaces later.

    The banches moved quickly now
    "Branches".

    the Polack's wrists
    "Polack" is generally considered offensive slang (at least when used by a non-Pole). Incidentally, "Pole" is the politically correct term.

    none of those mattered now to his monkey brain. A howling chimp it screamed at him, Run! Flee! Escape!
    Gah, this clashes horribly with the style of your prose. Could easily be more elegantly phrased.

    Rudolf's mind barely recognized this, he had all but forgotten that[...]
    Needs a semi-colon there.

    those foolish men chose fight over flight, their instincts demand they face this predator swinging.
    "Their insticts demanding", if I'm understanding what you were going for here right. Not sure if "swinging" works in this context outside of the idiom "go down swinging".

    exemplars of the Germanic peoples
    But aren't they (or at least some of them) Poles?

    tumbled down like Atlas, the burden of all his aches and wounds and fears crashing down upon his soul.
    This simile doesn't work, since Atlas held the weight of the world up like a champ.

    It moved not unlike the beasts described by the works of a certain author in the American penny-dreadfuls
    Lovecraft's stories were published in pulp magazines. Penny dreadfuls are both British publications and predate him by quite a while. /certified wiki expert

    Rudolf could almost hear a low chuckle, as he had as a boy imagined filled the back-alley streets of London at the height of Jack the Ripper.
    The bolded part is phrased awkwardly. Could be better like this:

    "[...]the likes of which(akin to that which/similar to that which/etc.) he had, as a boy, imagined filled[...]"

    to see the Nazi Party
    As much of a nitpick as it is a question, but would Germans use the abbreviated term commonly used in English to refer to the NSDAP? Since these are Rudolf's thoughts and all.

    Okay, perhaps that is just putting it in poetic terms
    Immersion: Broken. :/

    the spinning arc is followed
    before it strikes one of the trees
    It is a testament to the fortitude
    the blades return to the hands
    come to save the wretched life
    You alternate between present and past in the last two big paragraphs.


    But if this was the fate which the gods had laid before him
    A trinity of girlish angels draped in snow white robes - each no doubt of Michael's get
    They were war cloaked in flesh, Valkyries or Virtues
    Again with the flip-flopping between religious imagery, this time in internal discourse.

    driving the wretched living forest back into the depths of the woods.
    We learn in the next chapter that Einnashe invaded the Einzbern territory, so it makes sense that the DA-controlled trees retreat into the depths of the Einzbern forest, but here it might be better to say that they simply drove it back to avoid confusion.

    one hefted him over his shoulder
    "Her shoulder".

    Crimson carpet near half an inch thick
    Missing article and "nearly". Also, the transition from describing the halls of the castle to Acht's office is a bit disjointed (my first thought was that there was a random desk overlooking the great hall or something - unless that's really the case).

    “You’ll be happy to know that you’re assessment is correct
    "Your assessment".

    the go to words being better safe than sorry.
    "The go-to words being "better safe than sorry"."

    Half-sketched portraits drawn her sisters’ blood as pigment.
    "Drawn with".


    Now that nitpicking is out of the way, I have to say that I really like it. Sure, you sometimes cram too many similes in too little space, but that's part of your writing style's charm. So, I'll be watching this thread for future updates too.
    Last edited by Leftovers; November 19th, 2013 at 01:19 PM.

  16. #16
    Preformance Pertension SeiKeo's Avatar
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    Nazi was used in German but not by the National Socialists themselves.
    Quote Originally Posted by asterism42 View Post
    That time they checked out that hot guy they were just admiring his watch, yeah?


  17. #17
    Quote Originally Posted by Leftovers View Post
    *Snip Awesome Critique*
    Thanks a million for catching all of that! I'll do my best to incorporate it all come the second draft, which'll start once I finish the first chapter. The only real issue I take is with the comments on the disjointed symbolism with Albin and von Sebottendorf. In the Merc's case, it's spot on that he's the only one who takes his faith seriously (they're all Catholic, but to varying degrees, and most of them prefer the Norse idea of Valhalla to the Abramic Heaven - think an Irishman who'd talk of fae and leprechauns). I might change Albin's lines to something more consistent with the others, as he's such a minor character that he's dead by the end of the first segment.

    In the case of von Sebottendorf, he was historically raised a Lutheran who abandoned it for his own belief system influenced highly by occult practices, the Thule Society, and Sufi Islam (though he wrote in 1916 that true spiritual enlightenment resembled neither Masonry nor Sufism). The switching around of mythologies in his case was meant to be something resembling the thought process of a dying occult scholar, seeing half blurred images and flipping through his knowledge/memories/whathaveyou trying to put a name to his rescuers (thus the explicit "I dunno if these are Valkyries or Virtues", though I will readily admit that I chose the Virtues order of angels purely for the sake of alliteration, though if I'm remembering things right they were sort of the Enforce-Type angels in judeo-christian myth.)

    Was not aware Polack was offensive though - though now that I think of it, it is only my Polish buddies that use the word, so I guess that makes sense. I'll change that right now.

  18. #18
    Quote Originally Posted by Rosencrantz14 View Post
    The only real issue I take is with the comments on the disjointed symbolism with Albin and von Sebottendorf. In the Merc's case, it's spot on that he's the only one who takes his faith seriously (they're all Catholic, but to varying degrees, and most of them prefer the Norse idea of Valhalla to the Abramic Heaven - think an Irishman who'd talk of fae and leprechauns). I might change Albin's lines to something more consistent with the others, as he's such a minor character that he's dead by the end of the first segment.
    Ah, gotcha. It was really minor anyway, but folklore elements seeping through makes sense.

    In the case of von Sebottendorf, he was historically raised a Lutheran who abandoned it for his own belief system influenced highly by occult practices, the Thule Society, and Sufi Islam (though he wrote in 1916 that true spiritual enlightenment resembled neither Masonry nor Sufism). The switching around of mythologies in his case was meant to be something resembling the thought process of a dying occult scholar, seeing half blurred images and flipping through his knowledge/memories/whathaveyou trying to put a name to his rescuers (thus the explicit "I dunno if these are Valkyries or Virtues", though I will readily admit that I chose the Virtues order of angels purely for the sake of alliteration, though if I'm remembering things right they were sort of the Enforce-Type angels in judeo-christian myth.)
    Ditto for this. A man who has dabbled in many religions and branches of mysticism would have such thought processes.

  19. #19
    祖 Ancestor crystalwatcher's Avatar
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    Fucking hell this whole thing feels more thought out then most stories I've come across. Glad for that anyway, as well as the fact you decided to use little-known history figures instead of huge names. I really want to see where this goes.
    End of an Empire

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  20. #20
    Quote Originally Posted by crystalwatcher View Post
    Fucking hell this whole thing feels more thought out then most stories I've come across. Glad for that anyway, as well as the fact you decided to use little-known history figures instead of huge names. I really want to see where this goes.
    I started this story with three goals in mind. First and foremost, that the Third Reich commits no greater sins than any other occupying force - no death camps, no genocide, no kicking a series of puppies that grows progressively more adorable with every punt. Secondly, a German victory in Europe that will create a united front against the Soviets. Thirdly, the exposure of the Moonlit World to the general public and a Magecraft Race replacing the Nuclear Arms Race of the 50s and 60s.

    My plans for Germany (once the Nazis are effectively decapitated by Jubby's machinations) will lead to a society similar to Heinlein's Terran Federation - five years of national service to earn the right to vote or run for office. Expect Joseph Kennedy to be a big name in the United States come '36. And, of course, a Third Holy Grail War guest starring a few squadrons of German Storm Troopers on the von Einzbern side.
    Last edited by Rosencrantz14; November 19th, 2013 at 06:25 PM.

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