Thought Dumping Thread

[black1blade]

I've always fancied myself as a creative type. I have all these ideas flying around in my head when there are gaps in the day however I can never sit down and write any of it. As my years resolution I really want to write a chapter of a little doujin thingy.
I have numerous ideas but I have quite a good idea for a Victorian deamon hunting murderer "grimdark" (yes I will admit is probably is quite so) with a badass guy with a revolver and a on bladed sword stick (for slashing but yes I know un-realistic).

I'm probably going to do for a 1st person narrative but rather cryptic. I was thinking of doing the cliché "Family murdered, used to be a killer, hasn't got anything to live for archetype". He's retired from his assassination trade for reasons and has been state subsidised for a few years as a little thank you for his service to the crown.

The story begins and he's just had his money cut off and he's walking through the cobbled streets of london with heavy rain pouring down. He goes into his flat, has a drink and get's out his a revolver From the window behind him, an ominous finger emerges. It's a guy in a kimono who says he's an angel of death and the guy is on his hit list. As the angel slowly approaches ,katana in hand, the guy is scared of the katana and deliberates weather he really wants to die. He understands it is a breech of logic to be scared even though he was going to commit suicide a few moments later but his survival instincts kick up and he attempts to defend himself. Maybe he could feel life within him anew when he is faced with an opponent who wishes to deal death to him. Anyway he tries firing his pistol at him but the angel just does the typical bullet chopping thing. After firing a few shots the angel rushes him and he tires running to the door while dodging the blade that destroys everything in it's path. He grabs his cane to block the angel's blade then draws a blade of his own from the cane and tries to stab the angel. The angel catches his blade with his bare hands and rips it from his hand breaking his fingers. The man lets out a scream of pain. The angle asks the man if he really wants to die. The man says that he doesn't have a choice. They have a staring contest with a katana to his throat The angel asks what he would be willing to do to extend his life. After hesitating he says he will do anything.

The angel tells him that if he helps him bring down a guy on his hit list has a bunch of un-holy sigils around his mansion then he can live for the time being.

Crappy write up in spoiler tag.

Spoiler:

So basically there this man (unnamed as of yet) with black hair, slumped but with broad shoulders ect, walking through the streets of london with a slight limp and a walking stick in one hand. It's late in the evening amid a chilling autumn downpour. He arrives a builfin and climes the stairs into his coesey and rather posh flat. He sits down at his desk, pours a drink and pulls out a 6 barrelled revolver glistening in the light of the moon behind him. He loads a single bullet into the chamber and a winged shadow appears behind him. Illuminated by the light of the moon is a man dressed in a japanese styled clothes. They have a nice dialogue the guy explains that he is an angle of death and the angsty guy is one his kill list. The angsty guy puts down the gun and tells the kimono clad (not japanese) guy that he will accept his fate. He hides the gun behind his back. The kimono guy pulls out a katana and starts progressing towards him. (turns to 1st person or it's 1st person all along and I wouldn't be bothered to explain why because it's probably stupid). He gazes at the blade bending the light to it's whim. It is so sharp he can feel the blade cutting his neck even when it is 5 feet away. He takes the revolver shoots the kimono guy. The angle cuts the bullet in half and charges the angsty guy as he tries to load more bullets into the gun. The guy dodges the blade and his chair is cut in half. He manages to load two bullet into the gun and he starts frantically hobbling towards the door. The shots are sliced in half as the angel progresses. The angle takes a huge downwards swing and the angst grabs his cane and blocks the blade. In the same instant he draws a blade from the sheath and tries to stab the guy in the face. The angel grabs the blade with his bare hands and pulls it out of the man's hand breaking his fingers and pushes his away with a hilt strike from his katana. "are you sure you wish to die?"

They gaze at each other. "shinie taku nai (I don't wan to die, just playing with wrong fenetics there becuase it's been engrained in my head)" "However, I am duty bound to end your life (enter name here)..." The angel start relaxing his katana so that it isn't pressed against angst guy's neck. He uses this opportunity to throw down the coat rack on the angel. The angel steps back and the coats ect. obscure the angel. The man gets up and see the angel at his desk looking through paper pictures ect. "I have a job for you to do, I'm sure your the type who would do anything to extend your life"


Basically the angel has some rich guy on his hit list but his mansion has a anti-angle field (called something else) around it so he needs a human to go in a disable the sigils around the perimeter of the house.
I know kinda generic and crap but I really would like to write it at least the first chapter and I used that poorly written synopsis to show that I can potentially write at least something/pool some of my ideas. I don't really see the point in posting this apart from forcing me to write something.
Also I bet I got angle and angel mixed up.

[Epiren]

I tried reading this. Honestly, I tried.

But my eyes glazed over the huge blocks of text, so I'm gonna ask if you can reformat it? I'll give it another go if you do.

[black1blade]

Yeah It's pretty terrible right.

- - - Updated - - -

Is that any better, it deleted my indents...

[Epiren]

What, the idea? Because I have no clue as to what it is. The formatting hurts me. Like seeing a rat's nest made when wiring a project.

But I'll give you the benefit of doubt that it could end up... well, good.


-----------

EDIT: Better. Let me give this a go.

[black1blade]

Probably not. I was using this as a more "force myself to write something"

[Viz]

I have forced myself to draw again.

[Epiren]

It (the big block of text) seems incredibly generic. But the "basic idea" could be good.

Though ignoring all the grammar/spelling mistakes hurts.

[black1blade]

Re-done

- - - Updated - - -

I like the idea about having his willingness for life re-kindled after being faced with a figure wishing for murder.

- - - Updated - - -

Also maybe a VN moment where you have to choose one choice or another. If you choose to give up and die then the blades cuts his throat (no blood) and he falls to his death. Then the creator dojo could be all like "he has failed in his resolve but maybe this is the only happy ending among this story of tragedy" Would it be better if I just put new post in the thread as I went outlining the plot?

- - - Updated - - -

I'm going to go for the more un-organised/unclear way of story telling in regard to main themes/mechanics (to the whole angle society thingy and deamons and stuff). That first post probably represents my head/thoughts. In my head this is 5 books and 1 vn sequel (with ideas for 2/3 routes...) This is in my head though but I assure you it all fir thematically. There will be romance but it doesn't turn out good.

[black1blade]

If I laid it out:
1-guy goes to mansion, meets woman introduced to world with minor daemons hazy ect. Also holy bullets fuck up daemons and normal stuff doesn't do jack shit.

2-kinda unclear about this, maybe a murder mystery where the murder is the main character sent on a hit mission to kill this guy. Meant to serve as development for relationships.

3-Jack the ripper (yes I know) killing prossies to get organs for magic circle to turn himself into a deamon. Women is used as attempted sacrifice, angel of death has face out with this strong deamon who gave info to jack. Also jack could be using time delay magic so that people can't see his murders (freezing time in a certain area for human conception, maybe just male human conception and he's castrated himself). Jack stabs the mc as part of the ritual accidentally and escapes

4-Guy get's stuck on horror train where all the horrors of his past come to light and he goes crazy. Horror train is controlled by powerful deamon and a really powerful angle wipes him out at the end. Horror trains is a bit like a bounded feild tbh where that deamon guy has power to control anythig within it. He also set into motion 1,3. There's zombie on the train too and he has trippy dream sequences about the massacres he's done and then he wakes up in a sea of zombie bodies. Also he finds jack in incomplete deamon form who's eating all the bodies to sustain himself becuase he did the ritual on him instead of the woman. They have a fight (jack using dagger and the guy using his cane sword) and the Mc wins by grinding jack's head off on the trains tracks.

5-MC is now crazy, gets rejected by female, tries to commit suicide again. The angel tells him that he did very well to survive the daemon and that he would be willing to "graduate" him into an angelic disciple thing. The angel tells him his worth will be much greater if he has the power to fight daemons and the responsibility would give him direction in life ect. Anyway he is taken to the "creator" and he has a fight with him which determines his "attributes". His sword stick is imbued with the power of fire and he is now psychically stronger ect. Anyway as part of his first mission with the angel of death as master he is told to kill his love interest. The angel of death is aware of the fact that he loves her and wants to prove his dedication. Instead he refuses and the angel of death simple decides to do it himself. They have an epic fight (fire powers vs darkness stuff, warping, firing dagger like crows feathers). The Mc wins and gets all the angel guys memories. He then transforms into a daemon (that's the main way of transforming into a daemon). He stumbles to the woman's flat and she shoots him with a holy bullet.

- - - Updated - - -

I love how it went from quick synopsis to full on plot lay out...

[Epiren]

Reminds me of a piece I wrote for High School.

Though one question: What's a [deamon]? You mean Daemon? Demon? Abaddon? Digimon?

[black1blade]

I think I'm slightly dyslexic because I always get ae and ea mixed around. I guess it's one of those things people can mess around with the spelling but I'll re-do it. I think this is going to be more of a thought dumping thread just so there is some record of these silly ideas in my head existing.

[ZidanReign]

nice self diagnosis there champ

[black1blade]

World mechanics wise: There are two main forces in the world that of the angel and that of daemons. However opposite they may be they kept a balance within the world and their power depends on each other. As one wanes as does the other. The angels are basically upgraded spirits who are given power by the creator. An angel's (or daemon's) power is given form by a psychical item be it (normally) a weapon or other item. The one who hands out these powers is the creator, this guy in a big chair with a cat. After the creator fights the budding angel (be it through arms or other means), if they are worthy then he grants them powers matching the way they fought. The creator guy is an angel too who has been granted power by some other means (waves hands mysteriously). In this current age, the creator doesn't grant these powers as readily and no other spirits are willing to join the angels constant struggle against the daemons and angels think taking human disciples as foolish as they are week in temperament and quickly swayed one way or another to follow their emotions. One thing that characterises the angels is their wings which aren't used for flying but they are there because they are cool tbh.

True daemons are created when a being granted powers by the creator kills an angel. Their powers are increased by timing the power of the angel they killed by their own power, however daemons power constantly degrades (in fights, not over time) while an angel's power increases as time passes and the more daemons they kill. The true daemons often warp from human to a daemonic, bestial form while their power vessel thing is in use.

Along with true daemons there are lesser (cthulhu-esque) rituals that can transform humans into lesser daemons which are basically buffed humans who are stronger ect. There are also minion,apparitions things which are corrupted spirits that go directly into daemon-ism.

As far as other mechanics, the church is involved but isn't really going to be central to the story but holy bullets and holy water are basically ways to take down daemons. Yes I know that it's very generic but it's more of a template to play the story off. I still don't have any ideas of how the angel that kill humans come into it though which is probably kinda silly considering that's how I'm starting the story off...

- - - Updated - - -

nice self diagnosis there champ

If I thought dump all this stuff I may write up a few chapters and then that can be something people may be able to enjoy but I would be lying if I said I wasn't doing this for myself.

[black1blade]

I was thinking about what this rich guy in his mansion could be screwed for. Well he's rich so depraved would be quite a good archetype. Rape or murder are the ones who come to mind. Paedophilia for real grimdark stuff. Maybe having his daemonic apparitions can go around eating the child he has tapped in the basement. I was thinking that the main female character could be a high class fake wife sorta person. I'm thinking maybe she was trafficked from a high class family and this rich guy is the highest bidder. Maybe she could be younger, around 19/20 and the Mc could be older around 29. They would probably meet while the main character is in the mansion destroying the sigils and she views it as a way of escaping from the clutches of this creepy rich guy. Would it be reasonable to say that the main female character is a virgin? Maybe her parents where killed when she was 16 and then she kept a virgin by her captures to increase her "value". I'm thinking she may have a history of killing her husbands but never being suspected. The traffic guys could behave like guardians. Actually maybe what if she was part of a scam where rich collectors creepy guys brought her, she kills them and gets away scot free to be sold onto the next (that would make it unreasonable for her to be a virgin which would be potentially important for the latter story lines). The only thing stopping her from killing this guy are his 2 daemonic apparitions (although that would mean it would be unreasonable to have any holy bullets atm, maybe she could have some holy water she got from the church)

- - - Updated - - -

Maybe the rich guy had the person she was doing the scam with killed so that she can't really go back to anyone.

[black1blade]

So her motives can just be to want to live a normal life away from the hell she's been put through (generic I know).

- - - Updated - - -

For the main character I'm liking the whole "doesn't feel alive until faced with death thing" again generic but still. Although the "never really cared about anything in his life until he met her" would probably be a bit much. Maybe he begins realising that he finds meaning in his life doing something that serves a greater purpose. He will sacrifice his own humanity for the sake of others (oh fuck he just became kiritsugu....)

- - - Updated - - -

It doesn't particularly matter because he's going to be thrown into an abyss as soon as he starts to escape his past. As soon as he gets truly over the horrors of his past and has the power to lead a meaningful existence, he kills the one who saved him and then the person he loves betrays him.

- - - Updated - - -

I think it dosen't matter if the mechanics are a little because they aren't that important. For example, the mc char will only be introduced to the minor daemons and holy water/bullets in the first part. Part 2 will be mainly human focused and about him willing to kill anyone to further his ambitions. A twist for the 2nd one could be that the guy he killed was innocent and the detective could be the real one who deserves punishment. He only gets to know about greater daemons and rituals in the 3rd one and he experiences the power possessed by the grim reaper angel guy and the daemon guy.

- - - Updated - - -

4th one he gets really fucked up in the head basically.

- - - Updated - - -

Also introduces (not to main character but to audience) the leader angel in the hierarchy who takes down the daemon train guy. I was thinking the confrontation could take place on a lake and the mc could be saved from drowning by the brother of the leader angel guy. I was thinking some sibling rivalry/hatred that leads into the future conflicts.

- - - Updated - - -

Maybe the woman gets wounded at the end of the 3rd one and he goes on the train to get to this angel who channels word into herbs ect for healing. I was thinking directly after but that wouldn't make sense because the daemon guy will have to find minor daemon jack to use as body eating service on the train.

After the 4th book, an interesting character trait could be a crippling fear of trains and he refuses to go on one ever again.

- - - Updated - - -

The kimono angel grim reaper dude could have been sent out to Japan as a angel to hunt some daemons and he gradually falls in love with the culture. He has to do something there which both reflects the darkness in his powers and the fact that he has the low status of a grim reaper (cursed never to grow more powerful as he doesn't kill daemons for a living unless one is presented right in front of him). Maybe I could tie in the fact that in Japan the word daemon has hugely different connotations He's sent to kill some daemons but finds those daemons to be reasonable ect. I'm just wondering where to go with that one.