Like a King {oneshot}
"Hello there, nice to see another applicant show up for the job." the man on the other end of the table greeted the newcomer. Perhap he would be the one lucky enough to land the job?
"I am pleased as well. After all, this is indeed a fine establishment you are managing here, and I would enjoy it to no ends if I were allowed permission to aid to your services. Surely you would be honored as I to make myself an addition to the team?"
"Heheh, you're an enthusiastic one, aren't you?" The manager chuckled to himself, amused by this one's go-getter attitude...even if something did feel a little off. "So then, since you're going to potentially be working here, how about you tell me a little of yourself, Mr -"
" - Gilgamesh." The handsome looking blonde man confirmed. "Very well then, it is not unbecoming of a King to relay tales of his prowess to a subject that requests it. Let me tell you of my deeds:"
LIKE A KING
(Musical accompaniment!)
Rule a city
LIKE A KING
Count my money
LIKE A KING
Deflower virgins
LIKE A KING
Lounge around the palace
LIKE A KING
Golden toilets
LIKE A KING
Wrestle a wildman
LIKE A KING
Share a brofist
LIKE A KING
Get bromantic
LIKE A KING
Have adventures
LIKE A KING
Lose my best friend
LIKE A KING
Whine about it
LIKE A KING
More adventures
LIKE A KING
Lose Immortality
LIKE A KING
Whine some more
LIKE A KING
Get famous for it
LIKE A KING
Summoned as an Archer
LIKE A KING
「GATE OF BABYLON 」
LIKE A KING
Act like a prick
LIKE A KING
Lust for jailbait
LIKE A KING
Cause she's a tomboy
LIKE A KING
Get in a dogfight
LIKE A KING
Crash Vimana
LIKE A KING
Bathe in Evil
LIKE A KING
Walk it off
LIKE A KING
Drink some wine
LIKE A KING
It's really good wine
LIKE A KING
Sit on my ass
For ten years
NEW HOLY GRAIL WAR
"Oh? Is it that time so soon already? Well then, what an unexpected turn of events."
Wear a pimpsuit
LIKE A KING
Be a stalker
LIKE A KING
Kill a half-breed
LIKE A KING
Get blasted with a magic sword
LIKE A KING
Teamed up with a loser
LIKE A KING
Walk in a forest
LIKE A KING
Storm a castle
LIKE A KING
Skewer Heracles
LIKE A KING
Watch him break the chains
LIKE A KING
Not a problem
LIKE A KING
More 「GATE OF BABYLON 」
LIKE A KING
Rip out a little girl's heart
LIKE A KING
Gloat about it
LIKE A KING
Shove it in the loser
LIKE A KING
For shits and giggles
LIKE A KING
Have an epic showdown
LIKE A KING
Get really pissed off
LIKE A KING
Even more 「GATE OF BABYLON 」
LIKE A KING
Arm gets cut off
LIKE A KING
Swallowed by a vortex
LIKE A KING
Chained a Faker
LIKE A KING
Shot in the forehead
LIKE A KING
Fight The Shadow
LIKE A KING
Get Consumed
LIKE A KING
FUCKING BULLSHIT
"Uhhh....huh. Let me get this straight - you, died at least four times?"
"More than that, but that is neither here nor there. No one knows anything about that, and I'll keep it that way."
"How...does that work."
"Because I am the King."
"Yeah. And wasn't there something about lusting after a teenage girl?"
"...Because she acts and looks like a youthful boy."
"Right. That."
"You must have me confused with some other noble, handsome King who just gave you his lifestory in song."
"No, I'm pretty sure that's what you just said."
"Couldn't possibly be so, because I'm the King."
"Hoo-kay. Also, didn't you say something about ripping out a little girl's heart, too?"
"She was not a girl, she was but a doll, and I simlpy was using her for her originally intended purpose of serving as the vessel for the Holy Grail."
"...yeah, we're about done here."
"We're not done because you said it, we're done here because I willed it to be. I am the King, after all."
"I know, you told me a million times already."
"You do not seem to respect that, peasant."
"Look, all I'm saying is that you're not qualified to work here."
"But these arches are golden! GOLDEN, I say! To deny me access to them is to deny the King what is rightfully his."
"Well then, I'm sorry to say this, but 'the King' won't be becoming a staff-member anytime soon."
A golden orange miasma glowed behind the blonde job-seeker as he balefully glared at the impetous, fat, balding man.
"....Ea....SPIN."
= SOMETIME LATER =
"Who wants to work at that trashy establishment anyway?" Gilgamesh scornfully regarded the crater of refuse and carnage behind him.
"Maybe you ought to rethink your resume, just a tad." the cobalt-haired spearman suggested.
The King of Heroes riposted dejectedly. "Your opinion is neither requested or appreciated, hound." Suddenly, a thought occured to him. "On second thought, who needs jobs?! I'm going to go off and play!"
With that, the Original Hero downed the potion he had produced, and then Ko-Gil ran off into the sunset laughing merrily all the way.
Lancer shook his head as he once again looked at the annhilated building that had once been a perfectly functioning McDonald's.
DAS ENDE
...because some crack just needs to be written.
Man, what WAS I on? =P
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Originally Posted by Komrade Kwestions
