Miscellaneous Fanfiction Writing Thread (Solicit Advice Here)

[SpoonyViking]

Hello there! I'd like to ask someone to read the fic I'll be submitting to Milbunk's contest. It's still in bits and pieces, but I do have a mostly-finished introduction.
Many thanks in advance!

[SpoonyViking]

Can "sorcerer" be used as a gender-neutral term?

[Bird of Hermes]

Yep, even though the word traditionally has male connotations; the definition is gender neutral - a person who seeks to control and use magic powers

[SpoonyViking]

Thanks!

[Sesto]

Okay, at first I was going to vaguely bitch about my problem by I guess I might as well ask for help instead.

A look into the life of a heroic spirit from the point of view of someone extremely close to them. This could be a lover, such as Mercédès or Haydée from The Count of Monte Cristo, or Karna’s wife Vrushali, but it is not restricted as such, and could be a close friend or parent instead. The only requirement is simply that the hero is not allowed a point of view. Guinevere is banned as the choice of character due to being done to death.

I've been going back-and-forth on what format to do this in for half a year at this point, and it's annoying. So, what sounds more interesting:

A: Collection of journal entries written by Person X, going from their early life to the end of their life, and the influence Heroic Spirit X had on them and other people. The setting is the primarily France during the French Revolution. The context is these journal entries were expunged from public records by the Mages Association due to some of the topics discussed (ie, it reveals some of the Magi influence in the Revolution and European powers at the time)

B: A snapshot of a particular event during Person X's life. It is the last time they ever see Heroic Spirit X. Setting is French Revolution.

My first idea was A, but I quickly realized how long it was going to be. It might also end up having too much meandering, and miss the entire point of the prompt. Which is why I thought about focusing on a specific event instead. Still, I have my doubts whether I can make the second interesting enough.

Pls help. What would you rather read

[SpoonyViking]

Hmmm... B sounds more interesting to me.

[Rafflesiac]

B, as epistolary stories aren't my preferred format.

[Dullahan]

why not both though, they're not mutually exclusive

[SpoonyViking]

Is describing something as a "roiling, seething mass" too cliché?

[Five_X]

It's not something no one's ever used before, but if you feel it best describes what you're intending, ought it be avoided?

[Arashi_Leonhart]

undulating like the hips of an educated prostitute

[Dullahan]

pullulating

[SeiKeo]

more seriously why not go with roiling or seething, both is a touch purple

[Dullahan]

teeming, surging, churning, heaving

[Snow]

I'd just drop the adjectives and pull a metaphor or simile.

[Dullahan]

depends on the thing being described, really

[Snow]

Absolutely, but too often I see writers string adjective upon adjective to describe something easily describable by a well placed comparison to something else, at least when describing visual information. Generally more than three stringed adjectives tires my ESL brain.

[Rafflesiac]

The verbose, loquacious, talkative sentence exhausted the tired, exhausted, enervated moderator.

[Dullahan]

'exhausted the exhausted'

[SeiKeo]

the talk exhausts