Fate/Last Order
++Chapter 4++
“A first sign of the beginning of understanding is the wish to die."
...
I woke up...
At least, my mind did. My body was heavy. Like the strings of the marionette had been cut.
It was raining, I could hear the dense deluge hammering against the ground. Yet, I only felt damp, not in the midst of that torrential downpour.
I awaited vision to return to me... no, it was readjusting. There was no light here, wherever I was. It was within the confines of some form of shelter from the rain, though. I cranked my head upwards with much difficulty... to be feeling like this again... my body was not conditioned for that kind of impact that I endured. I don't think any human body was, to be honest. Maybe it would've been better for Saber to have let that attack strike true.
...
Speaking of Saber, she was gone again. Presumably, she brought me here, out of the rain... and then just left again. Servants... they were supposed to be loyal. Always by your side. That is what i needed more than anything right now. A protector. And she wasn't here. How laughable, how terribly aloof of her. She must have been an ignoble Heroic Spirit, to leave me in such conditions...
... Why has all this even happened to me? Constantly, I've been shunted to the verge of death and despair. Every time I manage to crawl back into my happy place, my efforts are reprimanded with such cruel, bitter reality.
Maybe I was the one who was being delusional this entire time. Maybe my entire life till this moment had just been sweet, blissful delusion. Funny... I wouldn't have minded it if it had lasted a bit longer. I could feel the cold pricks of droplets tapping against the back of neck. Some rainwater that managed to break through the canopy sheltering me... it was expected, and it was somehow an ease to my anxiety. To let my sorrow become washed away by the warm rain... something, was wrong. It felt like something wasn't right, yet I didn't care. All I cared about was letting my mind wander, as the roar of rain turned to silence...
This was my true sign of strength, in this dire situation. Within the confines of my mind, I ventured back into my personal sanctuary. A library of memories, both precious and traumatic. I ignored any and all of the latter.
Treading through a dark, dark expanse of ocean... except it was not an ocean. It simply disguised itself as one. This was the sea of all my torments, joys and experiences. Trapped underneath a sheet of invisible ice, I stepped over it as if it didn't exist at all. It was black beneath my feet, and black above me. Though, in the distance, I could make out vague sources of light. My memories, within the void of this mental landscape...
I plucked one from its holding, cradling it in my arms like it were a newborn child. I could suddenly feel that warmth radiating through me, the glow of happiness once again.
Tea-time. Madame Ran had prepared my favorite treats; a tray of colored macaroons. I was ecstatic as ever. It was only once a week that I was permitted this treat. I savored it to the fullest every single time. Along with the fragrant taste of silvertip tea... whilst we would gaze together at the garden of blooming extravagance outside.
Suddenly, we're in the garden. I sipped my tea again. Petals fresh from blossoming flora twirled and danced in the air around me. An aromatic sensation tingled its way across my nostrils as the sunset bathed the sky in a molten glow. I strolled through the blanket of petals that laid out before me, Madame Ran was by my side. Toward my favorite shrub of all, the rhododendrons. So many different colors across different bushes...
It's a nightmare.
Reveling in this warmth, this comfort... my innermost sanctuary, it was true bliss. A true nightmare.
These feelings... they are what I hold dearest to my heart. They are fake. Floating petals of every color of the rainbow. Giblets of my sanity. Droplets of fresh dew on the evening grass. Dripping blackness.
Madame Ran is by my side, she keeps me safe. A mindless doll.
Throb
It is a warm sunset in the sky. The sky is on fire.
Throb
Time stands still in this moment of happiness. This suffering.
Throb
The lush expanses of grass, the beautiful flora, the crystal clear pond...
Throb
A field of blades, the countless corpses, the pools of blood.
...
+++
++Interlude 0.8++
A meeting of minds... A clash of blades.
The plateau overlooking the ocean was empty, for a moment, save the blankets of snow that inhabited it. Yet, even in this cold weather, patches have thawed away from it. Its time for this world was not long, before it would rejoin the ocean.
And then suddenly, the stage was taken by white and black. An emissary of the abyss and a destroyer in white.
"Lancer."
"Saber."
They had carried a conflict to this area, surely a way for Saber to deter attention from her fallen Master that had suddenly appeared. Storm clouds were rolling in from the West, as Lancer gazed up at them in thought. This was not to say that she had taken to ignoring her adversary... it was more to see what lay on the horizon of this skirmish.
"Do you see those?"
"..."
"The clouds are telling. Yet I can still feel your craving for slaughter... such a lust for bloodshed. It is almost as if... you are not of this world, to possess such a natural affinity towards destruction."
"..."
"... I see. Words have no meaning to you, who was never lost. You were always like this, since conception."
She twirled a spear that gleamed, despite the sun being hidden away. She rested its tip against the ground, its scarlet hue etching into Saber's memory. A legendary spear, said to seek out the hearts of any mortal it was poised against. A legendary weapon that defied the laws of causality.
Yet, this did not faze Saber at all, as she brandished her own armament... a white-black hilt of seemingly alien origin. It clicked and twisted itself, like some form of mechanism, before a sheer white light emitted itself from its center... this beam of white light extended into the shape of a blade, before it suddenly took on a triad of colors. A weapon that was not of this world, a blade not of steel but of splintered light. It was as beautiful as it was dreadful.
"Shall we continue, then?"
Lancer's words failed to reach the furious engine of destruction that charged at her, a plain expression that could be read as an absolute intent to kill. She blocked the charge with her spear skilfully, displaying similar strength to the oncoming warrior. As the two clashed, snow exploded from around them from the sheer force of the impact.
Saber bounced back. Lancer followed her.
BANG! CRACK! CLANG!
The divine weapons clashed over and over with such ferocity. It did not take long for the plateau to become void of any snow whatsoever, all of it having been evicted by their fierce battle.
They both greeted each other with cold, emotionless stares every time they clashed. It was not a battle between hot-blooded warriors, nor cruel tyrants that wished to inflict pain of the other. This was a meeting of minds, a contest for the sake of having a contest. A normal battle, without ideals nor emotions to fuel them. To anyone else, however, it was a personal war of epic proportions.
CLANG! CLANG!
The sounds of battle continued on, even as the storm clouds came to occupy the skies above them, even as it threatened to throw down a deluge to dampen their spirits. No, nothing stopped them. The elements were but another observer to their fight.
Of all the moves performed, strikes made and blows landed, there was a distinct difference that could be made out from these two seemingly similar contestants. One moved with the grace of darkness, slinking and swiveling about as if she were one with the shadows. There was a type of elegance to it, yet it was more of an elegance that had lost its appeal long, long ago.
Whereas... the movements of the destroyer in white, they were like that of an automaton. Stiff, firm, efficient. She was one who was seasoned by war since her birth into the world. Not a warrior yet neither a berserker, that runs off of the intent to battle and slay others. A war machine that only knows its own reality as conflict.
And this would become her shortcoming.
Her blade of light would seem to carve the Lancer in twain. She watched as time froze, as her blade had parted away mere shadows, that dissipated into the air. The red gleam of that spear was still apparent in the air... as it shifted to point at her in an unnatural way. She could sense it, something she knew very well... it struck a feeling inside of her that she did not comprehend. It was a cold, sinister feeling, that seized her nerves and trickled like ice-water within her. Retreat. Retreat. Retreat.
Death.
Saber turned at record speed to see Lancer, poised with not one, not two... but four of the crimson deaths, floating in the air around her... not including the one primed in her arms.
She dodged. The spears boomed through the air as they destroyed the sound around them.
The sound of rock shattering, snow being flung, as the never-miss spears failed to hit their mark.
Saber dashed to the side to recover.
Drip. Drip.
She had been caught twice. Blood was pouring from her torso and her shoulder.
"My projections do not share the same properties as the original. Yet you could not tell the difference... are you that blind? What happened to your instincts?"
Instincts... it was something that Saber, of any Heroic Spirit, should have possessed. Perhaps some of the most honed of all time. However, in the face of this adversary... this witch of the shadows who called herself a warrior of the lance... she was facing something that left the most bitter taste in her iron-flooded mouth, and an aching pain that poured throughout her body...
Defeat.
She could still fight, she could fight this pointless battle more. All she knew how to do was destroy. She was denied this, and thus, she was lost.
Although... the Lancer did not advance. She claim the spoils of war right now; the assured death of one of her major adversaries in this holy conflict. She would not resist the embrace of death, not after having come so close to it... she felt it was close, that she in fact had already succumbed to its temptation. She had failed her Master, before she had even truly met them. She was a failure of a Heroic Spirit, a failure of a warrior... a failure of a destroyer. She felt like something had been wrong since the beginning. She never expected it all to come crashing down like this.
However, here she stood... still alive. Her redness that stained the frosted ground beneath her was evidence of this. Thus, she was lost. Without war nor death to guide her, she was stood there... with a new look on her face: surprise.
"Live on, Saber. I am not the one that will grant you your end... so my Master says. For you, the end is something you must anticipate, something you must prepare for... it shall be your motivation. As shall I."
Her words made no sense to the destroyer that lost her purpose in that very moment. Was this... mercy? She was being allowed the precious gift of life, after failing so horribly... after being defeated so handily?
It was... unacceptable.
She did not understand. Yet, for the first time, her face contorted fiercely... the ever-stalwart expression of the destroyer had vanished, replaced by an uncharacteristic visage of fury. Her eyes gleamed like the flames of purgatory that she suddenly sought to unleash, within them the void of ruin that became her one and only desire at that moment.
Lancer stepped back a little, readying her spear. A look of concern appeared on her face, as the air suddenly became much, much colder...
"Saber. Stop this right now."
She had failed to comprehend what was wrong. This Heroic Spirit, who would have usually been collected enough to heed her words... no, that was incorrect. She would have never had required to provide such insightful words in the first place, if Saber was truly all that she was.
Air started to gather around Saber, pulled in by an unknown force. The pressure increased.
Swirling like a vortex, bits of debris and dust started to dance around her as she held up her sword boldly. The light emphasized itself, flashing brighter and bigger as the air found itself entwining around it furiously. Her hilt spun in resonance with the swirling air, as her blade glowed brighter... the ground shuddered, energy gathering up within Saber's hands...
A terrible, terrible spectacle. One that destroys civilizations.
She was not meant to possess such power, Lancer thought to herself. This anomaly had been something her Master warned her about... she did not expect it to be something like this. The power was reaching critical levels. Saber was prepared to wipe out the entire island in one fell swoop, if nothing was done. As much as it was an invitation to her... Lancer was required to follow her Master's orders.
"Even though it has come to welcome me again... curse you, impotent fellow."
She scowled, as if she had been denied something truly great... as she brandished two of the scarlet spears in her hands, digging her foot into the ground behind her and drawing an arm back...
"Very well. I shall strike true... first strike, your will... second strike, your heart."
Her spears glowed crimson, dazzling brilliantly against the multicolored light that enveloped Saber. It was about to become a world-shaking phenomenon, a clash of two legendary superpowers...
CRASH!
A massive column of lightning suddenly struck the ground between them, shattering the ground into pieces. Either one of these seasoned heroes, even they were disturbed by this outcry of the elements, as either one of them fell into the depression of ceasefire. The built up energies dissolved into nothingness, the pressure in the air subsided. A loud rumble from the heavens forbade anymore conflict to take place here.
"... So that is how it is. Interesting. Perhaps my wish shall come another day."
Lancer vanished her armaments, losing all will to fight. Truly, that spectacle of nature was enough to cast away any kind of intents she held before. It was almost... a feeling of awe within her. She didn't jest with herself, however, for it was impossible for her of all people to be amazed at something.
Saber seemed lost again... like a child that had just dropped out of their tantrum. She stood there, her sword depleted and useless. It was almost pitiful, the way she stood there. Not as a destroyer in white, but a child in white.
The witch had no such sympathies for her, just a mild curiosity towards unexplained phenomena. Regardless-
"Saber. Your Master has likely deceased from your sudden outburst."
It was true, Saber knew it. Uncontrollably, she had just siphoned an incredulous amount of magical energy... the source could only be one thing. An alien, uncomfortable feeling sat like lead inside of her gut. Again, she did not know how to react.
"Guilt. That is what it is called. Wallow in its sting, along with the ache of defeat, Saber. Face me again one day, when you have acquired a new Master... in another war."
With those doubtful words as a send-off, Lancer dissolved into the shadows of the forest, leaving no trace of here presence there except the scars of battle.
She felt nothing. No purpose within herself, no intentions. She could not feel her Master. She had failed in the most terrible way possible. And was left with nothing, not even her demise. Wordlessly, lacking any sort of emotion except that cruel weight inside of her that Lancer labeled as "guilt", she marched on into the woods... like a machine. Her feet trudged through melting snow again, though she did not, could not feel the sharp bitterness of cold rubbing against her bare skin. An empty shell that moved through an endless wood, that was what she had been reduced to. A figure as great as this, reduced to nothing. Laughable in some contexts, deplorable in most.
...
No. There was something there, buried within her. What was this feeling? A lingering pain... no, it wasn't a pain. It was a different type of feeling... a relieving one. Even in this circumstance, such a feeling become the most prominent. What was it? What was it? What was it? She could not understand it. She cannot understand it... yet it became her only driving force.
Suddenly, the world returned to her senses. She scanned the area...
It was familiar. Not long ago, she had formed her contract here... she gazed down at the ground before. This feeling that led her here... she felt like, maybe, she could learn how to understand it now...
A patch of thawed out ground; a trail of footsteps.
She could suddenly feel another pulse within her. She felt her face distort uncomfortably, though... there was some semblance of a relieving feeling within it. No, it was not uncomfortable, it was... right.
She smiled.
"Master..."
...
+++
++Chapter 4.5++
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Originally Posted by Uralmash
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