So... Any thoughts on my Saber? *gets impaled for asking for feedback*
I actually intended to comment on that. I can't say that I'm fond of the idea that the writer can just sort of "intentionally" become Zorro just because he happened to write him. I'd probably have flavored the whole thing as there being a Zorro Phantom that just combines with the closest equivalent to a real-life Zorro.
Second, given Zorro's fame and the masked vigilante -archetype he more or less inspired, Zorro should actually be pretty strong by modern Servant standards (and being a Saber with their stupidly high stats should highlight this). I also feel that his Riding at C is fairly low (although I assume it's because you wanted to restrict him to horses - I'd probably have gone the Billy route and given him C++ or something in that case).
Eternal Arms Mastery also doesn't seem fitting. Perhaps something along the lines of Eternal Hero, which is a combination of Eye of the Mind and a unique ability, namely that anyone who takes up the mask gains Zorro's swordsmanship (which I assume you might've been going for with EAM).
As for Powerless Shell and Disengage, I'd swap their ranks (and maybe lower Powerless Shell a little more).
Personality-wise the sheet is a bit shallow, considering it's not really Zorro (who ought to be vague), but rather someone who's got the man's abilities.
So... Any thoughts on my Saber? *gets impaled for asking for feedback*
Your Zorro profile is once a bit extraordinary Saber but a good one i must say his second Mask type noblephantasm is a quite good idea one question has in the case his Master or others wear the mask some burden like Mana draining and if i have understood it right their own capabilities are converted in servant skills like Kiritsugu would get Eye of mind (false) rank c ?
Why shoud you being impaled just for asking for feedback even Vlad would nt find that so ?
In return what do you say to the actual state of my Krishna ?and what would you Saber think of my Gladios ?
I actually intended to comment on that. I can't say that I'm fond of the idea that the writer can just sort of "intentionally" become Zorro just because he happened to write him. I'd probably have flavored the whole thing as there being a Zorro Phantom that just combines with the closest equivalent to a real-life Zorro.
Second, given Zorro's fame and the masked vigilante -archetype he more or less inspired, Zorro should actually be pretty strong by modern Servant standards (and being a Saber with their stupidly high stats should highlight this). I also feel that his Riding at C is fairly low (although I assume it's because you wanted to restrict him to horses - I'd probably have gone the Billy route and given him C++ or something in that case).
Eternal Arms Mastery also doesn't seem fitting. Perhaps something along the lines of Eternal Hero, which is a combination of Eye of the Mind and a unique ability, namely that anyone who takes up the mask gains Zorro's swordsmanship (which I assume you might've been going for with EAM).
As for Powerless Shell and Disengage, I'd swap their ranks (and maybe lower Powerless Shell a little more).
Personality-wise the sheet is a bit shallow, considering it's not really Zorro (who ought to be vague), but rather someone who's got the man's abilities.
Yup, definitely not my best sheet. That's what happens when you try to do a "guy posing as a fictional character" instead of "guy possessed/combined with character". EAM is the thing I doubted the most of this sheet because I wanted to include something to show that Zorro was a very capable fighter, but I'll change it. Powerless Shell is at A rank because only Jekyll has it and I don't know how the effect would exactly vary at a different rank.
- - - Updated - - -
Originally Posted by Kabalisto Koga
In return what do you say to the actual state of my Krishna ?
Skill and NP wise it's ok. The personality is not Krishna-y at all, though. The guy was known for being quite the trickster and honestly, I can't see him as someone that is all "muh honor" when he made Arjuna break the rules of warfare to kill Karna when he was defenseless
Yup, definitely not my best sheet. That's what happens when you try to do a "guy posing as a fictional character" instead of "guy possessed/combined with character". EAM is the thing I doubted the most of this sheet because I wanted to include something to show that Zorro was a very capable fighter, but I'll change it. Powerless Shell is at A rank because only Jekyll has it and I don't know how the effect would exactly vary at a different rank.
With Powerless Shell, I would assume Jekyll's is so high because he is literally a different person as Hyde. A big part of his story was the mystery behind Hyde's identity and his connection to Jekyll.
In my mind, the Skill is like a pseudo-Presence Concealment, given that it hides one's status as a Servant. As the rank would start dropping, I guess that either the effects weaken or specific effects start dropping out altogether.
If Powerless Shell lowers parameters, hides/seals Skills and status as a Servant at A rank, I'd assume B might make the parameters closer to those of a human, but still a Servant's abilities (weak ones, though - status as a Servant would still be hidden, so the Skill's owner would just seem superhuman).
With C-rank, Skills might still be obscured, but the Servant just seems weaker than they actually are, and their Skills don't show up on stat-o-vision.
Also, Arjuna's profile says he has a dark, all-hating personality he calls
Krishna
Black
. Although it's stated that it's not like Arjuna=Krishna, you could have done something with that, perhaps
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Originally Posted by Shiki-pon
With Powerless Shell, I would assume Jekyll's is so high because he is literally a different person as Hyde. A big part of his story was the mystery behind Hyde's identity and his connection to Jekyll.
In my mind, the Skill is like a pseudo-Presence Concealment, given that it hides one's status as a Servant. As the rank would start dropping, I guess that either the effects weaken or specific effects start dropping out altogether.
If Powerless Shell lowers parameters, hides/seals Skills and status as a Servant at A rank, I'd assume B might make the parameters closer to those of a human, but still a Servant's abilities (weak ones, though - status as a Servant would still be hidden, so the Skill's owner would just seem superhuman).
With C-rank, Skills might still be obscured, but the Servant just seems weaker than they actually are, and their Skills don't show up on stat-o-vision.
Or something like that.
Huh, nice point of view. I'll put Zorro on the "must redo" list with Proto Mordred and Summerlante
Strength: A
Endurance: B
Agility: A
Mana: A
Luck: C
Noble Phantasm: A++
Class Skills Magic Resistance B
Cancel spells with a chant below three verses. Even if targeted by High Thaumaturgy and Greater Rituals, it is difficult for Saber to be affected.
Riding D
Most vehicles and animals can be handled with average skill. Cannot ride the likes of Phantasmal Species such as Monstrous Beasts.
No notable anecdotes exist of Saber riding any kind of mount, so this Skill is something she only has because of the class container.
Personal Skills Shapeshift D
It is possible for Saber to transform into a white bird.
This skill comes from the legend that after Yamato Takeru’s death, her soul turned into a white bird and flew away.
Bravery A
The ability to negate mental interference such as pressure, confusion and fascination. It also has the bonus effect of increasing melee damage.
Saber was perhaps the greatest warrior in all of Japan in her time. She fought many battles and slew a great many foes, including a bandit leader who claimed to have thought himself the strongest in all the land. The title "Brave One of Yamato" is something she is truly worthy of. Thus, she has this Skill at a high Rank.
Charisma C
Having C Rank in this Skill is sufficient to lead an army. The morale of military forces she commands is improved.
Divinity D-
Japanese emperors are said to be descendants of the Sun Goddess Amaterasu. Due to being the child of Emperor Keiko, Saber has this Skill but its rank is low. In addition, her blaspheming the god of Mount Ibuki has made this skill’s Rank lower than what it should be.
Noble Phantasms
Kusanagi-no-Tsurugi
Grass-Cutting Sword of Susano’o
A
Type: Anti-Army
Range: 1~50
Maximum Number of Targets: 1~100
One of the Three Imperial Regalia of Japan. It was originally found by the god Susano’o-no-Mikoto in the body of the eight-headed serpent Yamata-no-Orochi after he slew it. It was one of two items lent to Yamato Takeru by Princess Yamatohime-no-Mikoto. Its original name was Ame-no-Murakumo-no-Tsurugi (Heavenly Sword of Gathering Clouds).
This gift eventually came in handy when Yamato Takeru was lured into an open grassland by a treacherous warlord. The lord’s men used fiery arrows to light the grass surrounding Yamato Takeru so that she would burn to death and killed her horse to prevent escape. Yamato Takeru desperately used the Ame-no-Murakumo-no-Tsurugi to cut the grass to remove fuel from the fire. In doing so, she discovered that the sword enabled her to control wind and cause it to move in the direction of her swing. Taking advantage of this power, Yamato Takeru combined this with her second gift, fire strikers, to enlarge the fire in the direction of the lord and his men and used the wind to sweep the blaze towards them. Triumphantly, Yamato Takeru renamed the sword Kusanagi-no-Tsurugi to commemorate her narrow escape and victory.
Upon True Name Release, Kusanagi enables its wielder to manipulate wind using it. The most common ways that Yamato Takeru will use this ability are by launching large blades of wind, using torrents of wind to send projectiles off course, or propel herself with bursts of wind. However, it cannot be used to create storms because Kusanagi-no-Tsurugi is not the sword at its full power.
Furthermore, additional mana can be used to create blades of wind that are on fire, emulating how she first used Kusanagi to redirect a blaze back at the treacherous warlord and his men.
Ame-no-Murakumo-no-Tsurugi
Divine Sword of Susano'o
A+
Type: Anti-Fortress
Range: 1~99
Maximum Number of Targets: 1000
The true power of Kusanagi. Ame-no-Murakumo-no-Tsurugi is tied to the same sword as Kusanagi-no-Tsurugi.
Upon True Name Release, a spiral of wind will begin forming around Murakumo, eventually becoming a great tornado. When released, the length of the tornado’s path will be based on how much power it built up. At maximum power, a giant tornado will carve a path of destruction through all that stands in its way.
However, there is a major drawback to using the true power of the sword; the amount of mana required to use it is extreme. Using this Noble Phantasm at full power would be near suicidal. This largely because Yamato Takeru lacks a high enough Divinity to use the true power of Murakumo without such repercussions. As such, she will only use it as a last resort.
Lore:
Yamato Takeru is a legendary prince and hero from the Yamato dynasty. Originally known as Osu, she was the daughter of the twelfth emperor of Japan, Emperor Keiko.
After killing her older brother, her father feared Osu’s brutal temperament and sent her to the Izumo Province (now the eastern part of the Shimane Prefecture) and to the land of Kumaso (now the Kumamoto Prefecture) to take care of some bandits. Osu disguised herself as a maidservant to get close to and defeat the bandits. One of the leaders praised Osu and gave her the title Yamato Takeru, meaning Brave One of Yamato.
Keiko then sent her to the eastern land, for the people there were disobeying the imperial court. Yamato Takeru then met her aunt, Yamato-hime, who was the highest priestess of Amaterasu at the Ise Grand Shrine. She told her that her father wanted her dead and Yamato-hime, in compassion, gave her the Ame-no-Murakumo-no-Tsurugi (Sword of the Gathering Clouds of Heaven), which she later renamed Kusanagi-no-Tsurugi (Grass Cutting Sword), which Susanoo took from inside the eight-headed serpent, Yamata-no-Orochi. With the Ame-no-Murakumo-no-Tsurugi, and continued her journey east.
Yamato Takeru then went to the eastern land. She lost her wife Ototachibana-hime during a storm when she sacrificed herself to soothe the anger of the sea god. This was a result of a strained relationship between the two caused by Yamato Takeru's cold attitude, and she is aware of this. Ototachibana-hime died believing that her 'husband' didn't love her, even though Yamato Takeru did but was never good at showing emotion.
She defeated many enemies in the eastern land, and legend has it that she and a local old man composed the first sedoka in Kai Province with Mount Tsukuba (located in what is now the Ibaraki Prefecture) as its theme. On her return, she blasphemed a local god of Mount Ibuki, which sits on the border of Ōmi Province and Mino Province. The god cursed her with disease and she fell ill.
Yamato Takeru supposedly died during the forty-third year of Emperor Keiko’s reign. She is believed to have died somewhere in Ise Province. According to the legend, the name of Mie Prefecture was derived from her final words. After death, her soul turned into a great white bird and flew away.
Personality:
Yamato Takeru possesses a cold attitude and can be a brutal combatant, but at her core, she is a brave and heroic person. That said, she has virtually no respect for any Divine Spirit that isn’t her ancestor Amaterasu, which led to her gaining the ire of a sea god and the god of Mount Ibuki in life. In addition, her relationship with her father is a sore subject. A possible affect of this is that she prefers being called Yamato Takeru rather than Osu. Her cold attitude is actually a burden when it comes to her relationships, because it is extremely hard for others to tell if she really does care about them. Her relationship with Ototachibana-hime was quite strained, and Yamato Takeru's coldness is actually the reason why Ototachibana-hime sacrificed herself to appease the sea god's wrath.
But occasionally, there are cracks in that proverbial mask she constantly wears that show her to truly be a kind and heroic person at heart.
Yamato Takeru has a fondness for poetry, having dabbled in it and supposedly composing the first sedoka, something she claims to be true. Her wits are incredibly sharp, so she will try to outsmart any opponent she cannot defeat through combat alone. Just like a certain King of Knights she bears a resemblance to, she has an appetite that allows her to consume enough food to feed a large handful of people, though that's kind of putting it lightly. She is bisexual, but seemingly her having been married to women on two separate occasions in life seems to imply she prefers the female gender.
Although she feels as a prince of Japan, she should use the Grail to ensure its prosperity. But in truth, she wants to use it to gain see Otatachibana-hime again and possibly mend their relationship with each other. The memory of her sacrifice to appease the sea god has haunted Yamato Takeru ever since and the realization that it is her fault that it happened only makes it worse.
Relationships:
Ritsuka Fujimaru: "I am a blade that is yours to command. If anyone stands in your path, I will cut them down if you command it."
Holy Grail: "As a prince of Japan, I know that I should use it to benefit my country. But personally, I... Ototachibana..."
Artoria Pendragon: "I find it odd that a Westerner would bear a visage similar to my own. In fact, our legends are fairly similar for some reason. How odd..."
Mysterious Heroine X: "What a strange girl... Her obsession with killing Sabers is highly unusual. And concerning."
Tamamo-no-Mae: "This presence...? M-My sincerest apologizes for not recognizing you sooner, Honored Ancestor."
Yamato Takeru tries to show Tamamo her utmost respect due to her being an aspect of Amaterasu.
Gilgamesh: The King of Heroes is two-thirds god, hm? That explains it... Most divines are so full of themselves."
Nero: "The very fact that someone so haughty bears such a resemblance is me is infuriating..."
Every other Saberface: "Why in the world do so many individuals share the same face as I? This has gotten too far out of hand! Most of these people are Westerners, even. How is this level of resemblance possible?"
Nobunaga: "You're the fiend who planted the prank bomb that got paint all over my room! Cease fleeing and receive your punishment, villain!"
Yamato Takeru has been sore with the Fool of Owari ever since the aforementioned incident. She is utterly baffled that such a naughty prankster managed to take over Japan in life.
Sakamoto Ryoma & Oryo: Yamato Takeru harbors a hidden jealousy for them because they seem so much like how she wishes she and Ototachibana-hime could have been.
Last edited by Lambda-Nu; October 19th, 2018 at 10:07 AM.
He's just putting the bone of his sword into other people until it explodes and lets out parts of him inside them.
Originally Posted by AvengerEmiya
Genderswaps are terrible, but I think I and other people would hate them less if Fate didn't keep ignoring actual heroines throughout history and folklore. Like, why bother turning Francis Drake into a woman when Ching Shih and Grace O'Malley exist?
Originally Posted by Five_X
Fate Zero is just Fate Stay Night for people who think Shirou is too girly
Scholars have actually noted the similarities between Takeru and Arthur's legends, so a Saberface makes a surprising amount of sense there. Much more so than Okita being one in any case.
I like vanilla Saber and has no problem with genderbent (obviously).
But I always has an irk on other Saberfaces for some reason, I don't like the meme.
So, does anyone have anything else to say about Yamato Takeru 2.0 other than her being a Saberface? (gets shot for requesting feedback)
It's okay. Other than her Shapeshift Skill, nothing really stands out from the other Takeru sheets I've seen. Her first NP also seems a bit underwhelming if all it can do is shoot a big wind blade. At the very least I'd expect she'd be able to manipulate wind in other ways as well, like knocking projectiles off course or propelling herself with bursts of wind.
Also, I don't know if her second NP should be EX. A++ is already the rank of Arturia's Excalibur, canonically the strongest holy sword, so it feels off for Kusanagi to be ranked higher than that.
Last edited by RoydGolden; August 5th, 2018 at 04:53 PM.
So, does anyone have anything else to say about Yamato Takeru 2.0 other than her being a Saberface? (gets shot for requesting feedback)
To my mind, the Skill ranks and Parameters would work better swapped around. Since Sabers have high class parameters, it would be odd for someone who is still a relatively old Heroic Spirit to have such low stats (especially given that Yamato Takeru was quite successful at the whole warrior gig).
I'm not sure about Bravery's rank, but Shapeshift and Charisma both seem too high in rank given that there's little to no mention of either in Yamato Takeru's legend (the bird thing was posthumous (although so is being a Servant) and Charisma is just a Skill that I feel is better handled when given a lower rank).
As for the NPs, didn't Muramasa have some sorta knockoff Kusanagi as an NP? Feels odd that Yamato Takeru's Kusanagi has different effects if this is the case.
I'll trade ya a Takeru review if you review my Tezcatlipoca
Skills (General): The skills section could have used more like, flavor text added onto it? It's got like, small blurbs but something like the Divinity skill's flavor text for the rest of them would've been ideal while also including some of the more mechanical benefits.
Shapeshift: I presume Takeru could also use this to turn into a man, the opposite of what the actual male Takeru did once. Might've been a good thing to add
Noble Phantasms: You know about
Ruby Text
Ruby Text
right? It would make the sheet a little easier to read if the two NPs were more visually separate.
Kusanagi-no-Tsurugi: You mentioned that she combined the firestrikers with the sword to make a big burning wind blast, but then the actual sword NP doesn't do that for some reason. I think it should very well be able to unleash a big burning wind storm with a slash. The Murakumo version should probably stay a pure wind weapon though, since that's it's original form. Speaking of, it might also be nice to include like, a hurricane rating for Murakumo's winds... as some power wank or somethin.
Relationships: Really, I feel like you should've added one for every saberface at once in addition to the ones you did include. Like a sort of "Isn't this getting out of hand? Who are you people!?" sort of reaction. Also, I do wonder how she feels about the local agent of chaos Nobunobu...
Overall, nice sheet. Making Takeru a saberface fits in with the lore, but it makes me think... would the "Iranian Original" that the anthropologist C. Scott Littleton thought of as the originator of both Yamato Takeru and King Arthur qualify as a Grand Saber? Hmm... 🤔
Hear me now, O heart of the World:
Light of Man, Dawn of Life
Reaching Antiquity, Seizing the Future
I call upon the stories of heroes long forgotten
With this hand I will make thee whole.
Hear me now, God of Prophecy,
I take up thy Mantle:
Overall, nice sheet. Making Takeru a saberface fits in with the lore, but it makes me think... would the "Iranian Original" that the anthropologist C. Scott Littleton thought of as the originator of both Yamato Takeru and King Arthur qualify as a Grand Saber? Hmm... 樂
Wasn't that Batraz? I've even suggested him as a candidate for Grand Saber in the past...
All this talk of Grand Sabers makes me want to ditch my Foreigner that's 90% done and start fresh on yet another sheet.
I can't seem to find a good translation of what a Foreigner's class skills do so that doesn't help.
I'll trade ya a Takeru review if you review my Tezcatlipoca
Thanks. I've added some of the things you recommended. Now, here's my review.
Tezcatlipoca: This is an interesting sheet. Though, first of all, God's Divine Core is a Personal Skill and not a Class Skill. Ixiptla is the most interesting of the Personal Skills. It's both very unorthodox and twisted in a way that fits her. The Noble Phantasms are quite good as well. Momoztli Acochzitliti allowing her to summon Alters is wanked as all heck, but she's a Grand Servant, so it fits. King Hassan is able to force the concept of death on a god and is so good at his job that he doesn't need to be stealthy to kill people, for crying out loud. Mixcoatl is another interesting one, especially regarding that its use requires Tezcatlipoca to discard his status as a Grand Servant and its strength being tied to the strength of the Human Order.
Her reaction to Jaguar Man made me crack up. The cold, vicious, misanthropic war god...acting like a sweet daddy to Jaguar Man. And the last one is very interesting. I wonder who she could be talking to.
Also, could you send me the links to the Dietrich von Bern and John Dee sheets please?
Originally Posted by King of Padoru
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