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Thread: Create-A-Servant 2

  1. #701
    リビングデッド Living Dead Aridwolverine's Avatar
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    Hello everybody, I was looking at all the these awesome servant sheets, so I decided to make my own. I apologize in advance for my Rank E Literary skills. Writing was never my strong suit lol.



    Class: Grand Berserker
    True Name: Cain
    Alignment: Chaotic Evil
    Alternate Classes: Grand Assassin


    Strength- B++
    Endurance- A++
    Agility- B
    Mana- A
    Luck- E-
    NP- EX


    Gender: Male
    Height/Weight: 183cm/81kg
    Likes: Acknowledgement, Killing, Deceit
    Dislikes: Fate, God, Abel
    Talent: Murder, Agriculture, and Constructing Cities
    Natural Enemy: Divine Beings




    Class Skills:

    Mad Enhancement:
    (EX)
    All parameters receive a Rank-Up, except for luck. He does not lose his reason, for his mind is already twisted beyond belief. He develops an uncontrollable urge to kill those that angers him. It can be anything from annoying him to simply having a better life than him (which isn't saying much).


    Personal Skills:


    Natural Body: (A+)
    The possession of a perfect body as a living being from birth. The owner of this Skill is treated as if his STR is always Rank-Up.

    Being the first of woman born and the son of the first humans created by God Himself, Cain possesses what can be considered as the 'perfect' body.


    Unified Language: (EX)
    The language of ancient Babylonia, a time when no other languages existed and no distinction was made between the speeches of humans, creatures, and living and non-living things. The "truth" spoken before humans became scattered across the world can directly draw from the records, memories, and phenomena recorded in the Swirl of the Root. It is spoken directly through the soul resonating with the Root, allowing it to act as a powerful form of telepathy and hypnotism. The receivers must obey the speaker, known as a "Master of Babel", unquestioningly, as a human rejecting the words of the Unified Language would be the same as rejecting their own existence.

    Although it was never mentioned in Cain's legend, he was undoubtedly born before the tower of babel. A time in which everyone spoke one language, the Unified Language. With only a command, everything before him must follow his orders regardless of what it may be. Even those who cannot hear must listen to his words, for he speaks, not to the ears but the soul.
    One must have an anti-persuasion skill of the highest degree to even attempt to struggle; such as Magic Resistance, Nature of a Rebellious Spirit, Zealotry, etc... But even then they can only last a few moments until they give in to the pain or have their very existence fade before them. Due to his insatiable desire for bloodshed however, he is unable to use this skill whenever he has the urge to kill.


    Nature of a Rebellious Spirit: (A+)
    The temperament to never remain at one location and never embrace a lord. A wandering star that does not have the capacity to be king nor is capable of finding his own king. Negates the effects of Charisma with the same rank.

    Cain treacherously murdered his brother Abel, lied about the murder to God, and as a result was cursed and marked for life. With the World left cursed to drink Abel's blood, Cain could no longer farm the land. As punishment for his sins, he was expelled to the Land of Nod, east of Eden, in which he became a fugitive and a wanderer.


    Primordial Killer: (-)
    A title exclusive to the Ancestor of Murderers. Throughout the history of mankind, many heroes and villains have made legends of themselves via the act killing. Whether it be assassinating a politcal figure, defeating entire armies, or simply being superior to others in terms of power. However, all of these are mere imitation in the eyes of the King of Killers. Cain's Strength, Agility, and Endurance parameters recieve Rank-Up when fighting an opponent who has killed. For them, the same parameters are reduced by a Rank instead. All are helpless victims in the presence of the Primordial Killer.



    Noble Phantasms



    Mark of Cain - Avenged Sevenfold (EX Self/Anti-Indiviual)
    It would't be an exaggeration to call this Nobel Phantasm the literal embodiment of Cain's past sins. The Mark of Cain takes the appearance of a black tattoo spread across nearly his entire body.

    Considered to be the first ever curse, the Mark of Cain is the curse God put upon Cain for murdering his own brother, Abel. Contrary to other curses, in a way, it can be seen as a great blessing.

    This mark serves as God's promise to Cain for divine protection from premature death, with the stated purpose to prevent anyone from killing him. It is an "continuously-active-type Noble Phantasm" that grants him the ability to immediately regenerate any wound inflicted upon him. If his heart is completely destroy, it will rapidly grow back in moments. If a limb is severed, it will regrow a new one. Even if his entire upper body disintegrates, it would reappear as if nothing happened. Unless his entire being ceases to exist, he will just keep coming back over and over again.

    But this isn't where his Noble Phantasm shines. The true effect is the ability to link the damage back to the attacker and amplify it sevenfold. Essentially, if a servant attacks Cain with an attack a Rank above their Endurance it would more than likely kill them instantly or at the very least leave them gravely wounded. This effect works for anything that can be conceptualized as an attack. Whether it be physical, spiritual, magical, curses, conceptual, emotional, and even mental. Direct or indirect, if the attack is aimed at Cain, the Mark of Cain will still trigger.

    For example: A mage rigs a building with explosives then detonates it once Cain walks into it. As a result, the entire building collapses on top of Cain. This in turn activates the Mark of Cain onto the mage, killing him instantly, since he ending up harming him even if it was indirectly or wasn't trying to hurt him.

    As powerful as this Noble Phantasm may be, it does have some weaknesses. For one, anyone who sees his markings will automatically know who he is, even if they didn't have any pre-existing knowledge of him beforehand. Due to his curse, he is unable to cover up his upper body. This basically renders any attempt to hide his identity futile.

    Lastly his greatest weakness yet the hardest to exploit. During life, though the curse prevented anybody from killing him, he ironically died when a stone house he made fell on top of him. In other words, he died when 'nobody' killed him. He losses all protection to natural events that have not been influenced by outside sources (Humans, Animals, Spirits, Divine Beings, etc...) such as meters, avalanche, hurricanes, and volcanoes. Should he ever encounter one, it will damage him as if his Endurance was that of an average human. If he somehow survives a natural disaster, the Mark of Cain's healing abilities will be significantly reduced, taking minutes to hours to restore his wounds, allowing consecutive natural disasters to almost guarantee his death.

    For Example: If a meteor from outer space were to crash into and crush Cain's heart, the Mark of Cain won't be able to regenerate it, thus killing him.




    First Murderer - The Ancestor of Evil
    (EX, Anti-Unit)
    This Noble Phantasm is an ability that embodies and re-enacts the legend of Cain killing his sibling, which in turn had him cursed and exiled, earning him the title of the First Murderer. There is more to it than that however. The act of killing his brother wasn't what made him famous, but rather it was creating the Concept of Murder before the idea of Death existed.

    To activate, Cain must first gain possession of a weapon. The weapon could anything as long as its wieldable, such as a rock, knife, or even a chair. The true Noble Phantasm is actually the act of killing itself, and the weapon is merely the means to bring it into reality.

    Consumed by envy and wrath, Cain was driven to commit such a terrible sin. Yet, its because of his sins is what makes him so powerful. The weapon he is holding, whatever it may be, becomes engulfed in a torrent of pure malice. Great hatred surges throughout the weapon, filling it with unimaginable murderous intent, striking fear and agony into the hearts of his victims.

    Firstly, in the presence of the First Murderer, the 'victim' shall enter a state of 'defenselessness' if they do not have the Bravery skill or something similar. Once 'defenseless', the 'victim' will no longer be able to fight back, escape, or think properly. Only thing they can do now is helplessly await their fate. Paralyzed in fear, just like the 'first victim'.

    Second, all attacks delivered by Cain will be treated as a Lethal Blow. Regardless of where he strikes, all hits would deal as much damage as if he was crushing the heart or the brain. Even if said person is immortal, they'll die just like anybody else. As a result, it naturally bypasses defenses such as armors and barriers.

    Only downside is that it has an extremely short range due to the length of the weapon. Unlike many other Noble Phantasms, the First Murderer cannot fire any long range beams or blasts, having to come into contact with his victims to kill them. So if a person is fast and brave enough, they can just keep their distance from Cain.




    So what do you guys think. Are there any skills that should be add/removed. Is he too powerful for even Grand Servant standards. All feedback and criticism would be helpful.
    Last edited by Aridwolverine; September 18th, 2016 at 02:22 PM.

  2. #702
    The Moe Lion Draconic's Avatar
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    Looks like you copy/pasted a bunch of things off other Servants and/or the wiki, and gotta be honest, that's not what we're doing here. Some of the people here put quite a bit of work into these character sheets, so don't just post because you want to have an entry. That never turns out well.

    Regardless of my first impression however, let me be the first to welcome you Beast's I Lair, just abide by the rules and you'll be fine. Mostly… Uh, don't expect a welcome wagon either.

    also, RAWR!🐲
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    That makes me think of Rin as a loan shark.
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    Admittedly, she'd probably be the hottest loan shark you'll ever meet. She'd probably make you smile as she sucked you dry.


    Oh dear, that doesn't sound like yuri at all.
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    Not with that attitude.

  3. #703
    Will we ever know of freedom? RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Holy crap is this guy OP. Infinitely regenerating, about Herc-tier stats, any attacks on him are redirected sevenfold and all his own attacks are insured to be killing strikes. I honestly can't think of a single way to beat this guy, except as you said by a natural disaster or meteor randomly hitting him (and even that is unlikely to actually do him in because of dat A++ Endurance).

    I'm not quite sure how to give feedback on this Cain, since he's clearly meant to be stupendously powerful but at the same time I think he's a little unreasonable even by those standards. I have no idea why his stats are so high honestly given he has no real feats of strength in legend. I'd give him much lower stats to offset his ridiculous NPs. And I really don't think Unified Language is necessary. Given he's a Berserker, say something like "Being summoned in this Class, his reasoning is too unfocused to make use of the Language to its fullest" as an excuse to seal/weaken it to manageable levels. I know you mentioned his Mad Enhancement not affecting reasoning, but still.

    Mark Of Cain seriously needs some real weaknesses. I went with a similar idea for my Cain, but it specifically only worked on lethal blows (not regular injuries) and I specifically noted ways to bypass it (killing the Master, tricking him into killing himself). I suggest you do the same. I'd say either limit the degree of regeneration in some way (more to Avalon levels, or a bit stronger) or make it Mana-dependent. So, he can regen as much as he wants but it'll take out of his own Mana supply to do so. Since he has A-ranked Mana, he'd still be really freaking hax, but there would at least be a potential weakness of draining himself dry which could be taken advantage of by more intelligent/relentless opponents.

    First Murderer is also hax, but in a more 'fair' way since there are at least actual ways to fight and defend against it (if only 'don't get hit').

    I don't really think Natural Body should be so high, either. Just A or A+ should be enough, honestly.

  4. #704
    鬼 Ogre-like You's Avatar
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    Urgh, so effort

    Cinderella



    Class: Caster
    Master:
    Alignment: Lawful Good
    Sex: Female
    Height: 170 cm
    Weight: 55 kg
    Attribute: Earth

    STR: E
    CON: E
    AGI: D
    MGI: D
    LUK: B
    Noble Phantasm: B

    Legend:

    A persecuted young woman transforms into her full glory because of some magical power, catching the eye of a prince. Because of circumstances that usually consist of a curfew or taboo that comes with the magic, the woman reverts back to her old self, but not before leaving behind an identifying factor. Using this factor, the prince is able to find the woman and they live happily ever after.

    Basile, Perrault, Brothers Grimm, and countless other nameless authors and storytellers have tried to spin this tale. At the same time, there has been an infinite amount of material for these people to spin and transmit using this framework. Cinderella – like so many other fairy tales – is undoubtedly a story type, not a singular person, so much so that the character is classified as 510A in the Aarne-Thomspon folklore classification index. But that is a digression.

    Unlike the many nameless youths who merely played the role of “Robin Hood,” and unlike the nineteen heads of the Islamic Assassin cult, who all discarded their names and took up the name of “The Old Man of the Mountain,” each Cinderella is her own Heroic Spirit at the same time as being a Cinderella. In that sense, each Cinderella must be intimately tied to the land where her legend takes place. Summoning Cinderella in Italy would mean summoning Princess Zezolla, while in Germany you would summon Aschenputtel, and in China, Yeh-Shen. The Cinderella discussed here is Perrault’s – Mother Goose – model for Cendrillion.

    Perrault wrote his tale of Cinderella for the children of the nobility in hopes that their governesses and nurses would read them his tales. In each of his tales, he believed there was a moral or two that would be instilled in the child listener, shaping them to become what he believed to be “a good person.” This was what he believed “a good person” should be in during the late 17th Century.

    As for the person herself, she is everything described in the story. She is patient, kind, caring, and of even temperament. Her wish for the grail is for everyone to have their happy ending like she did. She works tirelessly to achieve this. She is everything Perrault wished for, sadly. Therefore, even if she wants to win, she does not have the will to actually fight.

    Tactics:

    It is peculiar that Cinderella is summoned as a Caster considering she does not use any magecraft in the fairy tale. In common culture, the image of Cinderella, especially Cendrillion, in a carriage is much more powerful and eternal. Yet, each Cinderella can be summoned as a Caster not because of the ability to perform magecraft, but because her story and the concepts around her story are so commonly used in certain magecraft rituals. That is, the story has been bound to magecraft – the character is synonymous with certain magecraft.

    However, she cannot fight, neither can she use magecraft. Instead, her role is that of a healer; that is, her existence itself is magecraft. She is something that is beheld, something to be cherished, yet that in itself is problematic. After all, that implies she is nothing more than an object, something observers look up and reap the benefits from. But another reading is that she is agency embodied, she is the transforming agent for those people affected. Whether one is true and other is false, or if there is a little bit of truth in both these statements is up for debate.

    Tactically, the only way to approach a battle is to avoid it entirely or ally with someone.

    At the same time, she is of the opinion that her Master is either her fairy godmother or godfather. The beliefs stem from the Master being the one who is supplying her with magical energy. In Cinderella’s mind, anyone who has a bond with her and supplies magic for her benefit may as well be her fairy godmother. Because of this, she has no reservation with asking her Master for help with decorating the ballroom; after all, that’s what a good fairy godmother does.

    Treat her too poorly though and you might be lowered to an evil step-mother.

    Class Skills:

    Territory Creation: D+

    The creation of a territory that is advantageous to oneself as a Magus. Cinderella is not a magus; however, she can create a 「Ballroom」 which ranks up 「Fairy Tale Princess (Literary).」

    It is because of a ball that Cinderella first expressed a desire. And it is there where she caught the eye of destiny. It is the centerpiece of her fairy tale and the place where she shines the brightest, both physically and conceptually. After becoming a princess and later, a queen, she would host many, many other balls, some grand others charming. Either way, Cinderella knows how to put on a ripping, good ball – regardless of the occasion.

    Item Creation: E+


    Allows for the creation of items that carry magical energy. Cinderella can only create common domestic items.

    This is not a case where the Servant obtains the Class Skill at the lowest rank because she did not previously have such an ability. The rank that she has a correct estimation of her item creation ability. Cinderella’s rank in this skill is especially low considering she has never actually fashioned magical items. However, when she was treated as a servant by her step-mother and step-sisters she repaired many items and cooked many delicious morsels. She uses this skill to prepare herself and her territory for the balls she delightfully puts on. One should note that she cannot create any heavy furniture pieces from scratch. As long as they’re from Ikea she can promptly put them together without the help of a manual, though. She can fully decorate an opera house or a grand ballroom in less than a day and still have time to finish her dress. Sweatshops beware.

    This skill has been revised with a plus because of the circumstances behind her 「Protection of Elementals.」 That only applies to items of clothing.

    Personal Skills:

    Fairy Tale Princess (Literary): B

    Denotes the qualities that the archetype in question usually consists of. Falsely similar to Innocent Monster, the personality of the Heroic Spirit is not distorted though and the abilities gained differ for each variation of the skill. In this case, 「Divine Favor」 and 「Princess of Loveliness」 are obtained.

    Fairy Tales can usually be split into two categories, the literary fairy tale and the folkloric fairy tale. Folkloric fairy tales do not have an identifiable author and are the product of an oral tradition. That is, no one knows who came up the tale. Literary fairy tales, on the other hand, have an identifiable author, someone who crafted the story. The version of Cinderella known as Cendrillion, being written by Perrault, is undoubtedly the latter.

    Even if Cinderella did not start out as a princess, Perrault takes great pains to address how she has all those qualities; that she was born for this position – unlike her step sisters. As for proof that such an archetype exists, one only needs to compare the folkloric Cinderella’s to the literary Cinderella’s, or just literary fairytale princesses to folk ones.

    Golden Rule (Body): C

    Possession of a perfect, goddess-like body. Preserves beauty.

    Even under the filth and abuse her step-mother and step-sisters put her through, the beauty of Cinderella still shone through. This skill is intimately tied to 「
    Le Vrai Don des Fées
    Slovenly Maid of Ashes
    .」

    While Cinderella has no relations to divine spirits, the timelessness of Cinderella’s beauty qualifies her for this skill. Cinderella’s true beauty is her grace and her temperament, and these show in her visage. And it is this true beauty which manifests to become…

    Protection of Elementals: E

    A blessing from elementals. It is an ability that can make one lucky in dangerous situations. Because of 「Item Creation」 and whole-heartedly believing that her Master is her fairy godparent the rank is much lower than usual.

    It is the fairy godmother who magically transforms mice and pumpkins into horses and carriages while making Cinderella presentable for the ball. That role has been transferred to the Master. However, Cinderella is not above doing some of the work herself. Accepting this has revised her item creation ability to a certain degree.

    Noble Phantasm:

    Le Vrai Don des Fées
    Slovenly Maid of Ashes

    Rank: C+
    Type: Anti-Unit
    Range: 0
    Maximum Targets: 1 person

    The famous glass slippers.

    At the stroke of midnight, all the enchanted items that her fairy godmother had blessed Cinderella with reverted back to their original forms, all except for the glass slippers. The glass slippers, as a symbol, has many interpretations, but as a Caster, the only interpretation can be thus, “the slippers represented the beauty that Cinderella already possessed, there was no reason for them to disappear.” That is, the slippers are a manifestation of everything that is good about Cinderella – “gentleness and goodness without parallel.” It is these slippers that take the unseen beauty and projects it for the world to see.

    All who are in the presence of Cinderella when she has the slippers on are healed a proportional amount to her rank in 「Golden Rule (Body).」 Servants have their parameters rank-up. Humans and animals are also mentally attacked. This is not a charm nor a coercion but a pure attack on something that is beyond the senses; however, they are purged of mental interference. Existences steeped in mystery like Servants or Phantasmal Species are not damaged; however, they are also purged of mental interference equal or lower to the rank of this Noble Phantasm.

    When summoned, Cinderella’s hands and her feet are always caked in soot that will not wash off. After all, her name itself, Cendrillion, is a shortening of ashes and slovenly maiden; she is an existence bound to soot. However, even during the Age of Gods, ashes had another purpose; they were used as makeup – to transform oneself into something more beautiful. When this Noble Phantasm is invoked, her “glove” and “shoes” of ashes coalesce and concentrate at her feet to become these glass slippers.

    As for the role of these slippers, in magecraft 「to observe beauty is to beautify yourself.」Art, in and of itself, contains a special power that elevates a person’s existence. After all, it is not uncommon to hear about how listening to a song or seeing a painting has changed someone’s life or inspired them in some way. In fact, I believe there was a certain French fairy tale author who wished to correct a child’s behavior with the transformative nature of art. Combined with 「Divine Favor」 and 「Golden Rule (Body),」 putting on these slippers turns oneself into a living embodiment of the type of magecraft known as 「Emotional Sympathy」 that heals and purges impurities.

    For Cinderella is it merely showing her true self. However, to gaze upon beauty is to be mentally attacked. To be shown something on an entirely different level of existence from oneself that one cannot hope to comprehend is pandemonium, not heaven. Servants are not affected considering they themselves are closer to Elementals, as for humans – because Cinderella does not possess legends of “the ultimate beauty,” the mental attack is uncomfortable but bearable.

    Spoiler:
    Ironically enough this Noble Phantasm can also serve as a Master’s Noble Phantasm because of the peculiarities of a Holy Grail War. Before Cinderella entered their lives, her two step-sisters, no matter their relationship, were in an Opposition. Yet when Cinderella entered their lives, it became a Trine instead. An astrological formation, the Trine represents artistry and creativity while the relationship is noted to be harmonious.

    In truth, their relationship was indeed harmonious, with the step-sisters hurling abuse at Cinderella while Cinderella accepted their abuse with grace which led to even more abuse. One might start to question if Cinderella was the more distorted for having pushed them into a corner. Either way, the Trine relationship in her legend is important because, in a Holy Grail War, another Trine is formed when a contract is made. That is, the Greater Grail is connected to the Servant who is connected to the Master who is chosen and connected via the Command Spells to the Greater Grail. Furthermore, there are separate leylines between the Servant and Master: one for the magical energy, the other to feel each other current status. The second which can be used as a mirror for the Master and the Servant.

    The way energy flows within a Trine, how a Trine is aligned toward artistry, and the mirroring attribute of the second leyline amplifies Cinderella’s “beauty,” forcing the Master into becoming a higher-order being after beholding her. Other existences known as high-order beings are angels and gods. In short, the Master obtains the viewpoint of a god as well as the ability to change reality – somewhat similar to a speaker of the Unified Language. However, because Cinderella is not the ultimate beauty, the Root is blocked off from the Master. It is possible to stop this curious phenomenon from happening by temporarily blocking the second leyline the moment the Noble Phantasm is invoked.


    Avancement Ce Seront Choses Naines
    The Stroke of Midnight

    Rank: C
    Type: Anti-Self
    Range: 0
    Maximum Targets: 1 person

    At the stroke of midnight, all the enchantments reverted to what they were before. While this Cinderella may make all her finery herself, the rule is still true. When midnight strikes, her glass slippers will return to soot and her finery will revert to her usual garb, as if the night itself was all an illusion.

    The Servants who were affected by her first Noble Phantasm have their parameters revert back to normal. All who were affected by her first Noble Phantasm also receive a crippling mental attack. This attack does a fixed percentage of mental damage to all affected. It can be avoided with mental interference nullification skills of a certain rank.

    The very fact that the enchantment can be broken is proof that the Cinderella in all her beauty was something that was never real – a mere illusion. What is left is the destruction of beauty and in the same way that beauty elevates and heals, the destruction of that beauty or rather the proclamation that it was false all along destroys the soul. We all strive for beauty, we all aim for the heavens, so the rejection of this principle must be something that equally affects all. Man or beast, Servant or Master.

    While this Noble Phantasm is merely the denial of the self, the primal, aesthetic sense of those who were touched by her first Noble Phantasm cannot help but be affected as well – no matter where they are at midnight.
    The punchline to this Noble Phantasm would be that all those involved are still unaware that the beauty they believed was lost still lingers in the world. Even if they are soot, they are still the same glass slippers as they always were. If only one looked beyond appearances.

    Spoiler:
    If the first Noble Phantasm was a Master’s Noble Phantasm then this is the companion. Because
    Le Vrai Don des Fées
    Slovenly Maid of Ashes
    takes its meaning and power from a Trine, then this Noble Phantasm must be interpreted the same way. As for how a Trine is related to midnight in the first place, one would only need to look at the composite numbers, one and two, and add them. This one can also represent Cinderella while the two represents the step-sisters.

    While this might not seem important, it starts to make sense when we take the legend of the Noble Phantasm into account. It is when the clock strikes twelve that the enchantment is broken and Cinderella reverts. If we place the Trine into the basic shape of a clock each side corresponds to a number, twelve, four, eight. Adding these gives us twenty-four or midnight. Midnight was chosen as the disenchantment time because it symbolized a new day. Therefore, Cinderella’s enchantment doesn’t end because it’s midnight, it ends because it is the boundary between the new and the old.

    Marrying these concepts together, the Master can only stay as a higher-order existence for twenty-four seconds. A brief and fatal ersatz feel of heaven.

    The reason why the Master must perish is the same as the reason why the other beholders are dealt a mental attack. But as the Master is not only connected to Cinderella but also elevated so much higher than the others were – well, the fall is that much greater. Because this is an act of self-ruin there is no method of defense or evasion.

    However, Cinderella is capable of giving her Master a respite. If the crime is for reaching the view of the gods an equivalent price should be sufficient – the breaking of the glass slippers. Symbolically, the slippers are made of fire (heating of the silica), water (the physical state of glass), earth (silica), air (cooling of the silica), and the fact it is a Noble Phantasm (ether) means they represent an entire world. The least of one’s worries is that Cinderella will not be able to use her Noble Phantasm. The slippers are the manifestation of everything that is good about Cinderella, her essence, her grace, her beauty. Whether or not she would break that to save her Master… Actually, she will, she definitely will.


    In keeping with the theme of the power of Art and Beauty, this aspect Cinderella was created with Perrault’s two contradictory morals in mind and attempted to be encapsulated in her Noble Phantasms.
    Moral: Beauty in a woman is a rare treasure that will always be admired. Graciousness, however, is priceless and of even greater value. This is what Cinderella's godmother gave to her when she taught her to behave like a queen. Young women, in the winning of a heart, graciousness is more important than a beautiful hairdo. It is a true gift of the fairies. Without it nothing is possible; with it, one can do anything.

    Another moral: Without doubt it is a great advantage to have intelligence, courage, good breeding, and common sense. These, and similar talents come only from heaven, and it is good to have them. However, even these may fail to bring you success, without the blessing of a godfather or a godmother.
    A former
    person who served
    Servant
    in the truest sense who became a princess. She is full of goodness actually, she might be too full of goodness. Never complaining, never erring, always seeking to do the right thing the more optimistic might call such a character as impossible. But isn't that because if it was actually possible wouldn't it be even more disgusting? Well, with that type of personality it is easy to see why the step-sisters and step-mother turned into such monster. She is Perrault's ideals taken to an extreme. Still throws a great party though.

    The interesting contradiction is that this Cinderella is not meant to fight in anything. Yet it is only in a Grail War where she inadvertently reaches her full potential.
    But ummm, basically, you use her by getting ready all day, then partying all night and being hungover the next day, repeat. In that sense, she is a very support based Servant, the reason why she creates a ballroom and has princess of loveliness. Gather allies and have them fight your battles, heal them, repeat.
    And never use the trump of trump cards unless you're really good at half-minute hero.

    case files
    If we are to talk about Cinderella and magecraft we have to talk about the Twin Towers of Izelma. Poor Lord Byron created a ritual to achieve the ultimate beauty to reach the Root (beauty observed makes the observer beautiful) with his two daughters as it's center-piece. First, he basically created these daughters of his, the golden princess and the silver princess, and then mapped out the perfect day to perform the ritual. Using his astrological charts, he used the geo-centric model of the solar system and replaced the sun with Venus and set it in a Trine with the Moon and Saturn. One month before the ritual, the golden princess was murdered by someone. Spooked, and for some reason he can't remember he went to an auction and bought a dragon blood stained linden leaf (ashes) and hired a grand to do magical plastic surgery (fairy godmother) on one of his servants. Little did he know he elevated a fake into something greater than the real (story of cinderella). Then he had a ball (because that's what happens in cinderella) and the newly minted golden princess was killed before she could get them to the root. But tbh I don't want to spoil everything because there are really good twists and I just ruined 90% of them.


    Either way the thought behind this is the magical aspect of Cinderella. Just not Cinderella using magecraft but Cinderella as magecraft.
    Last edited by You; September 18th, 2016 at 01:06 AM.
    Quote Originally Posted by Canon View Post
    On You's tombstone it will read
    Quote Originally Posted by You View Post
    That's exaggerating my point.

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    Friendly neighborhood Dark Lord! Mr.Obsidian's Avatar
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    Just quick question for posting my servant how does one use the spoiler function?

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    Will we ever know of freedom? RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mr.Obsidian View Post
    Just quick question for posting my servant how does one use the spoiler function?
    Write SPOILER in brackets followed by [/SPOILER].

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    Friendly neighborhood Dark Lord! Mr.Obsidian's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RoydGolden View Post
    Write SPOILER in brackets followed by [/SPOILER].
    ah thanks

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    Will we ever know of freedom? RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Also, wow does that Cinderella sheet above have a ton of effort and thought put into it. Seriously. Not just in terms of the actual mechanics, but tying them into Nasuverse lore as well.

    My eyes kind of glazed over some of the abstruse stuff (particularly the 'Triune' bit in her first NP), but it was still really interesting overall. I'm not quite sure if I fully understand her first NP, though. So, everyone around her receives a rank-up in stats (if a Servant), is healed and purified of mental interference? And does her second NP just inflict mental interference or some kind of physical damage as well?

    I also got a kick out of the rather mundane nature of her Item Construction, referencing Ikea and the like.

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    リビングデッド Living Dead Aridwolverine's Avatar
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    Thanks for the feedback! Because there is only one Grand Servant revealed so far, I didn't know exactly how overpowered they're suppose to be. When I was making Cain, I had the idea that the only way to 'beat' him was to either seal him or throw him into deep space. Since the Mark of Cain only reflected damage, theoretically you could bind him with a status effect like paralysis.

    The reason why I gave him such high stats is because, iirc the older the legend, the stronger the servant. And seeing how Cain is the third human to ever exist he would naturally gain a large stat boost.

    Though I do agree that I made him a bit too powerful. I'll try to nerfing him to make him somewhat beatable. Probably take out United Language or at least severely restrict it depending on how it goes.

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    鬼 Ogre-like You's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RoydGolden View Post
    My eyes kind of glazed over some of the abstruse stuff (particularly the 'Triune' bit in her first NP), but it was still really interesting overall. I'm not quite sure if I fully understand her first NP, though. So, everyone around her receives a rank-up in stats (if a Servant), is healed and purified of mental interference? And does her second NP just inflict mental interference or some kind of physical damage as well?
    yes
    and yes it's all just mental damage
    Quote Originally Posted by Canon View Post
    On You's tombstone it will read
    Quote Originally Posted by You View Post
    That's exaggerating my point.

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    闇色の六王権 The Dark Six Zork Knight's Avatar
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    Jesus Christ You that's a lot of Nasubabble. That shit has more work put in it than some of the GO Servants.

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    The Moe Lion Draconic's Avatar
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    I agree with Zork Knight.
    Nice job, You.

    You Levelled Up to Ogre-like+!
    Likes attention, shiny objects, and... a ball of yarn?
    F/GO Supports

    I joined two years too late...
    Quote Originally Posted by Hymn of Ragnarok View Post
    That makes me think of Rin as a loan shark.
    Quote Originally Posted by Hymn of Ragnarok View Post
    Admittedly, she'd probably be the hottest loan shark you'll ever meet. She'd probably make you smile as she sucked you dry.


    Oh dear, that doesn't sound like yuri at all.
    Quote Originally Posted by Techlet View Post
    Not with that attitude.

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    I? I am Ardneh. Funderfullness's Avatar
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    Class:
    Berserker

    STR: A (D)
    END: B (D)
    AGI: B (D)
    MGI: C
    LCK: C

    Class Skills

    Madness Enhancement (A+): Berserker was one of the first maenads, the female followers of
    Dionysus who were in a constant intoxicated frenzy. However, the true source of Berserker's
    madness is a curse from Hera, who was enraged by the sight of Berserker caring for Zeus'
    bastard child. All parameters are ranked up, but her reason is gone. The only thing that
    can stop her rampage are the sight of Dionysus and his servants.

    Personal Skills

    Divinity (B-): Berserker was transformed into a nymph who serves as the aspect of an ancient
    sea goddess, and she has a familial connection to Olympus through her nephew, Dionysus and
    her father Cadmus, who is a grandson of Poseidon. Her dislike of Hera, however, has warped
    her into more of a monstrous being and lowers her rank.

    Emnity of the Goddess (B): Indicates a sour relationship with divinity. Berserker gains a rank
    up to attacks against people, creatures and buildings connected to the goddess Hera, but suffers
    a rank-down to LCK in the process.

    Monstrous Strength (A+): Summoned as Berserker, she is in a constant state of transformation
    into a horrific sea monster due to her rage against Hera and her disdain for the gods for her
    father's own monstrous transformation.

    Noble Phantasms

    Kredemmon~Self-Seal, Sea Temple (C, Support)

    A veil that Berserker gave to Odysseus in one of many incidents of a deity aiding him on
    his journey home. By wrapping the veil around himself and discarding his raft, she told
    him to entrust himself to the waves and he eventually floated to land. Wrapped around
    Berserker's body, the veil seals her Madness Enhancement and Monstrous Strength and
    blocks any attempts to read her status. As a passive effect, it grants the equivalent
    of rank B Revelation, but only while in or near bodies of water.

    Storm of Leucothea~Rage and Grief of the Dragon's Daughter (A, Support, Anti-Army)

    A curse inherited from Berserker's father, the great hero Cadmus, who disparaged the gods and was
    transformed into a dragon-like creature, along with his wife. Berserker is not a dragon in the true sense
    of the word, but her nature as a sea goddess elevates her reptilian form into an existence on par with
    one. Standing six meters in height, she is shrouded in saltwater, which follows Berserker as an "echo"
    wherever she moves. For any body part moved, water will fill the space where it just was. This water
    maintains the speed and direction of the body part that created it, greatly extending Berserker's range
    and creating a wall of fast-moving liquid, whose surface tension causes it to be as hard as concrete.
    The mere creation of water may not seem like a threatening ability, but when one takes into account
    the sheer volume of water created simply by Berserker taking a step forward, and the speed that a
    typical Servant can move at, she becomes like a storm herself. Additionally, Berserker is specifically
    a goddess of saltwater, an element traditionally used by the Greeks and Romans in the invocation of
    their gods. This practice is thought to be the origin of Christian holy water. With Berserker's rage
    against the heavens, the salt in her water turns it into a kind of acid that becomes more and
    more corrosive the higher an individual's rank in Divinity. For those with no Divinity, it is
    ordinary saltwater; those with rank A or higher are stripped of their skin in a white froth.

    Background


    Ino was the daughter of Cadmus and the queen of Thebes, who after her death and transfiguration
    was worshiped as a goddess named Leucothea, the "white goddess." When her sister Semele gave
    birth to Zeus' son, Dionysus, she and her two other sisters acted as nurses for the child and
    became the first maenads.

    Hera, once again enraged at Zeus' infidelity, struck Ino with insanity. The woman killed her own
    son and, clutching her child's lifeless body in her arms, threw herself into the sea. Zeus did not
    want Ino to die and took pity on her, transfiguring her and her son into Leucothea and Palaemon.

    Summoned as Berserker, she rages against the heavens and seems to have inherited whatever curse
    that lay in her father's blood from when he killed a sacred dragon. Her divine nature and connection to
    the sea has brought this monstrous side out, and she has become the personification of the storm.
    She has no qualms about this, wishing only to exact revenge on the goddess who destroyed her life.
    Last edited by Funderfullness; September 18th, 2016 at 12:44 PM.
    "We don't need martyrs right now. We need heroes. A hero would die for his country, but he'd much rather live for it." -Josiah Bartlet

    I make Servants when I'm bored.

  14. #714
    Will we ever know of freedom? RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aridwolverine View Post
    Thanks for the feedback! Because there is only one Grand Servant revealed so far, I didn't know exactly how overpowered they're suppose to be. When I was making Cain, I had the idea that the only way to 'beat' him was to either seal him or throw him into deep space. Since the Mark of Cain only reflected damage, theoretically you could bind him with a status effect like paralysis.

    The reason why I gave him such high stats is because, iirc the older the legend, the stronger the servant. And seeing how Cain is the third human to ever exist he would naturally gain a large stat boost.

    Though I do agree that I made him a bit too powerful. I'll try to nerfing him to make him somewhat beatable. Probably take out United Language or at least severely restrict it depending on how it goes.
    Yeah, knocking him into space or another dimension or something was the only way I thought of actually 'beating' him. Though, good luck with that when every attack on him is redirected back at you sevenfold.

    The stats thing is fair enough, but even Gilgamesh, who was officially mankind's oldest 'Hero' had only straight B stats at most (less under Kotomine). And he was a great warrior-king. A shepherd who's sole claim to fame is killing one guy by surprise should logically have rather lower stats, age aside.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Funderfull: Wow, that is one hardcore Servant. When I saw the FC, I was like "How the heck is this even a Heroic Spirit at all?".

    Speaking of which, the FC reminds me a lot of that movie Cloverfield with the giant sea-monster type creature rampaging around New York. I take it the spoilered appearance is how she looks when Kredemmon is active, as opposed to the ugly water-monster? The way her second NP works with the water 'echo' following her movements also reminds me of what I've heard the Endbringer Leviathan described in Worm. Assuming that was an inspiration?

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    I? I am Ardneh. Funderfullness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RoydGolden View Post
    Funderfull: Wow, that is one hardcore Servant. When I saw the FC, I was like "How the heck is this even a Heroic Spirit at all?".

    Speaking of which, the FC reminds me a lot of that movie Cloverfield with the giant sea-monster type creature rampaging around New York. I take it the spoilered appearance is how she looks when Kredemmon is active, as opposed to the ugly water-monster? The way her second NP works with the water 'echo' following her movements also reminds me of what I've heard the Endbringer Leviathan described in Worm. Assuming that was an inspiration?
    Quote Originally Posted by Worm
    As tough or invincible as a given cape might be, most were still hemmed in by the restrictions and boundaries of physics. Getting hit by something that weighed nearly nine tons sent men, women, boys and girls in costume flying, if it didn’t kill them outright.

    Leviathan’s echo added surprising quantities of water to the battlefield. Every step and movement he made, he filled the space he’d just left with water. How much water did it take to displace something as big as he was? However much it was, he created something like three times that amount when he took a single step forward, when you accounted for the space his body moved through. A hard amount to eyeball, because it had the same momentum his movements had, and some of it crossed great distances as he lunged and clawed his way through the front line of capes.

    The FC is Leviathan. And yes, though this isn't the first time I've used a "water echo" NP, the first time being my Tomyris sheet and her wave of Cyrus the Great's blood.
    Last edited by Funderfullness; September 18th, 2016 at 01:59 AM.
    "We don't need martyrs right now. We need heroes. A hero would die for his country, but he'd much rather live for it." -Josiah Bartlet

    I make Servants when I'm bored.

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    Friendly neighborhood Dark Lord! Mr.Obsidian's Avatar
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    FaceClaim
    Spoiler:


    Class:Rider
    True Name:Black Knight
    Alignment:Lawful Evil-Chaotic Evil

    Height:201 CM
    Weight:137 Kg

    Likes:Victory over Good
    Dislikes:Losing to Good,Fate
    Talent:Being Evil
    Natural Enemy:Anyone of the Good Alignment

    Strength:B+
    Endurance:B
    Agility:C
    Luck:E-
    Mana:B+
    NP:A++

    Class Skills:
    Riding:A-At this level one can ride monstrous beasts yet they're incapable of riding divine beasts. The Black Knight in ancient history to modern man's fictional stories has ridden creatures from mundane horses to mythical dragons. Though he cannot ride dragons from this skill alone. For that he requires his Noble Phantasm.

    Magic Resistance:C-Cancels spells with a chant below two verses. Cannot defend against Magecract on the level of High-Thaumaturgy and Greater Rituals. Due to Rider's composite Nature he has an average defense against magic.

    Personal Skills:

    Battle Continuation:A - Can continue fighting even with wounds that place them on the verge of death. Riders nature to fight until the bitter end combined with his tendencies not to be permanently slain after engagement with the forces of good.

    Bane of Good:EX-A Skill that increased damage towards those of the good alignment. A servant will also become a target if his/her actions are regarded as good. At this rank just coming near The Black Knight leaves burns upon those of the good alignment.

    Mental Pollution:B+ - Capable of resisting mental thaumaturgy of equivalent rank, however it is difficult to come to an understanding with this individual. Riders tendency for not being sympathized with is personified in this skill where trying to relate to him is a nigh impossible.

    Noble Phantasms:

    Avatar of Evil (Anti-Unit/Self) (C+)
    In combat against servants of the good alignment Rider gains a plus to all stats excluding luck. Though if Rider engages the same opponent again he gains a full rank up in all stats except luck where instead he takes another penalty bringing it down to E--This Noble Phantasm personifies capability to constantly match the Hero no matter how far the hero has come since their first engagement.

    Dreadsteed-Horse of Malice (Anti-Unit) (C+)
    A wicked steed covered in dreadful armor it is riders main Noble Phantasm that has the skill [Dread Visage] at the rank of C+ which causes terror however it can be resisted by Bravery and other skills of its nature at B rank and above. It also holds the capability of flight.

    Malum Draco Tyranno-Evil Tyrant Dragon (Anti-Country) (A++)
    Riders ultimate Noble Phantasm. Rider summons a Dragon from the depths of the earth that at first glance could be mistaken for a manifestation of the Prince of Darkness. However more accurately it's an amalgam of evil dragons and those who transformed into wicked dragons. Such as its trait of a Holy Light consuming darkness from Vortigern the would be Usurper King from Britain. However the catch for such a powerful Noble Phantasm is that Rider will not be able to control the Dragon once it materializes in full. For it is a last resort Noble Phamtasm that if he cannot have the Holy Grail then none shall have it.
    Spoiler:



    History:
    Rider is The Black Knight or more specifically the personification of the one who opposes the Hero in every story. He whom the world deemed as the villain and the one that seeks to oppose the one who has garnered Fate's Boon. Rider has no distinct memories of his own and would seek the grail so that he may gain a life of his own and sow the seeds of his own legend in the hopes to discredit the heroes of the past,present, and future. So that perhaps he and all who were cursed by Fate. May be the victors of the day, however he is not above using heinous means to achieve victory. During the summoning process in the War their's a luck check before Rider is fully summoned comparing his luck to that of his masters. If his master has high luck then he is summoned under the alignment of Lawful Evil allowing for high synergy due to their agreement on planning. However if the luck is comparable to Riders them he is summoned under the Alignment of Chaotic Evil, where if not compelled by Command Seals will do things as he deems necessary to win the war. Rider will never heed the call of anyone of the Good Alignment.

    Well this is my first servant, let's see how this fellow came out.
    Last edited by Mr.Obsidian; September 18th, 2016 at 12:59 PM.

  17. #717
    Will we ever know of freedom? RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Hmm. I think Hermes did a similar kind of 'Black Knight' Servant some time ago, so it's interesting to see another take on the concept. That is, an amalgam of all 'Black Knights' across history and legend.

    It seems reasonably solid, I'd say. Battle Continuation should probably be lowered to A, since I don't think he has any business having a rank higher then freaking Heracles. Other then that, his NPs are fairly solid and fit the idea behind his character. The dragon one certainly sounds powerful but then again dragons always are and it's the only NP he has above C+ rank so not really a problem there.

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    Friendly neighborhood Dark Lord! Mr.Obsidian's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RoydGolden View Post
    Hmm. I think Hermes did a similar kind of 'Black Knight' Servant some time ago, so it's interesting to see another take on the concept. That is, an amalgam of all 'Black Knights' across history and legend.

    It seems reasonably solid, I'd say. Battle Continuation should probably be lowered to A, since I don't think he has any business having a rank higher then freaking Heracles. Other then that, his NPs are fairly solid and fit the idea behind his character. The dragon one certainly sounds powerful but then again dragons always are and it's the only NP he has above C+ rank so not really a problem there.
    Ah got it, will drop it to A rank. Thanks for the input.
    Last edited by Mr.Obsidian; September 18th, 2016 at 01:05 PM.

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    闇色の六王権 The Dark Six Bird of Hermes's Avatar
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    Yeah, I was the guy who did the other 'Black Knight', yours was an amalgam of whoever held the title while mine was a punished souls forced to reincarnate yadayadayada. We both have our versions with a skill based around fighting heroes and a similar wish. While my saber variant had a sword exclusive to the villain as the black knight, yours summons an uncontrollable dragon. It has done similar ideas to mine to make me find f it while retaining enough uniqueness to stand on its own legs.

    tl;dr I like it.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Saron View Post
    It's official. Hermes is the old man hipster of CaS.
    Quote Originally Posted by SpoonyViking View Post
    ...Are you the protagonist of a YA novel? Perhaps an otome game?
    King Prussia Today at 16:32 You're the Hermes we need, Hermes


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    Friendly neighborhood Dark Lord! Mr.Obsidian's Avatar
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    Ah thank you.

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