I thought I commented on her but I clearly hadn't (a bit late but I don't care). It was certainly a take on the character I didn't expect but enjoyable, the Candle/Spear NP was amusing as is her personality. Making her an Archer would have been to easy so the Lancer class was unexpected and refreshing.
Also the new format works nicely.
Quest of Fate
Apocrypha Universe Fate Quest Project
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Beast's Lair Discord Server For Fate Quests
Hermes Servant Collection Master Post
These are my Servant and Master sheets I hope you enjoy reading them:
Servant And Master Sheets
Alright, Loo-wit (Saver) is finished. Honestly, I'm not sure how I feel about this one. I like the idea, but I'm pretty sure I botched the execution. Any help would be appreciated. I have, however, added a Lore section and done a Key Words/Craft Essence section. So hopefully that's good, at least. This'll probably be the last one for at least a couple days, as I have college projects to do.
...also, finding happy Aversa pics? Totally a pain in the ass. Not going to try doing something like that again soon.
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Servant Saver:
Appearance:
True Name: Loo-wit
Alignment: Neutral Good
Alternate Classes: Berserker, Caster
Titles: Keeper of Fire
Strength- D+
Agility- D
Endurance- C
Mana- A
Luck- A
NP- A+
Lore
Personality
Class Skills:
Counter Hero- C
Reduces the parameters of the statistics of 'heroes' that the Servant faces in combat. As a C-rank skill, it decreases all parameters of opposing Heroes by one rank. If the opponent is an Anti-Hero, all parameters decrease by half a rank.
Charisma- C
Is a composite Skill consisting of a person's charm as well as the natural talent to command or unify an army or country. This increases the abilities of allies in group battles. As a Saver-class Servant, Loo-wit has this as a Class Skill. As she has not yet fully come into her own as a savior of the people, Loo-wit's rank in this skill is middling, though her natural beauty and kindness do give her a degree of ease as a leader.
Personal Skills:
Golden Rule (Body)- A
Connotes possession of a pure and perfect goddess-like body, preserving beauty. At A-rank, it progresses beyond a "skill" and becomes more like a curse or a hex on the one possessing it. Caster's beauty is such that she cannot be ignored by the eyes and hearts of others. Beings who are chaste by nature, are truly and deeply in love with another, or have sufficient Skills governing mental defense at C-rank or higher will generally be able to ignore or resist her natural beauty. As a promised blessing from the Great Spirit, her beauty is considered "perfect in every way" and "a step shy of gods themselves". It should be noted that as a Saver, Loo-wit is still not yet comfortable with her beauty, and will have little idea how to deal with the lovestruck ones she will attract.
Divinity- B
Qualifies one's aptitude as a Divine Spirit. As the sacred and ordained Keeper of Fire and one blessed by the Great Spirit, her Divinity rank is high despite posessing minimal divine blood.
Elemental (Fire)- A+
The ability to make use of artificial spirits pertaining to the Five Elements. As the spirit of a volcanic mountain and the blessed and ordained Keeper of Fire by the Great Spirit, Loo-wit's rank in this ability allows her to make use of this ability to its fullest extent, as long as it pertains solely to Fire. She can summon familiars made of concentrated flame and use them to empower her spells or as soldiers to battle opposing Servants with.
Shamanism- A
This is a Skill to enter a dialogue with spirits. As a life-long practitioner of the Shamanic arts, Loo-wit has access to powerful Evocation magecraft. Through the use of this skill, Loo-wit can draw power from spirits to use healing, gather intel, or to power spells. Magecraft on the level of Greater Rituals also becomes possible through a high degree of time and effort.
Noble Phantasms
Key Words/Craft Essence
Tactics
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Last edited by EonADS; June 13th, 2017 at 11:34 PM.
Loo-wit: This may be a little stereotypical, but since they're both native American heroes how do you think she'd get along with my Squanto Servant?
In all honesty, they'd probably be a bit baffled with each others' traditions and ways of life given that they lived on opposite ends of the country. Really, their tribes (Loo-wit being nominally a member of the Klickitat tribe, who were traders and gatherers, Squanto being part of the Patuxet, who survived mostly off of hunting and fishing, with minimal contact with other tribes even in their area) had very different cultures. Though if they both got it in their heads to destroy Colombus, I don't think there'd be much of anything left between Squanto's hate and Loo-wit's temper.
Just a quick thought... I wonder if Odysseus could be summoned as a Caster with emphasis on his traits as a strategist and military leader. I imagine he'd have a Trojan Horse NP sort of like CasCu's Wicker Man... At the very least, that'd be one take on him I've never seen before (having come across enough Odysseus sheets with similar Skills and NPs that they've all all kind of blurred together in my mind).
Not the sheet I'll be writing up next though. Currently working on a dojikko moe Bellerophon. (Seriously, guy got in so many accidents in his early life it wasn't even funny)
Execute C:\local\lib\toh.exe?
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Dreams of swallow cuts.
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summs up a lot of my ironic weeaboo circles
Loo-wit (Saver): I'd have to question why her CE ends like the beginning of a smut fiction, you aren't making your ideal waifus through these sheets are you? She comes across as a powerful Servant, and the skills have been done well. But the Noble Phantasms, aside from the first one, could do with some more work in the fluff department. There's nothing wrong with them as they are but there's space for a lot of somewhat needless descriptions of visual effects. So what does Tamanawas look like when it is activated? Or does anything change in particular when she uses Shakok. Also aside from her first Noble Phantasms she is being "lent" the power of the Great Spirit, which is quite different from her Caster class, also "trolling"?
These are my Servant and Master sheets I hope you enjoy reading them:
Servant And Master Sheets
No. Unless you think my first two "ideal waifus" are dudes, seeing as I made Longinus and Voss first.
That line is a reference to one of my favorite scenes in the UBW route, actually. Also, if you read under the Personality section it says "She does not necessarily want love or a relationship, just to be noticed as someone beautiful and worthy of being an object of affection." In this instance, she's poking at her Master to praise her more honestly, teasing him, and then getting a taste of her own medicine. She enjoys banter, so she's going to take it up a notch since he proved he can take what she dishes out. That's all.
Valid point. I'll work those in when I find some extra time.She comes across as a powerful Servant, and the skills have been done well. But the Noble Phantasms, aside from the first one, could do with some more work in the fluff department. There's nothing wrong with them as they are but there's space for a lot of somewhat needless descriptions of visual effects. So what does Tamanawas look like when it is activated? Or does anything change in particular when she uses Shakok.
Technically they all are, but it's not like there's not a precedent for that kind of thing when it comes to Servants. And especially given that she is one of the Great Spirit's chosen. It seemed fitting for a Saver to have powers more associated with divinity. I tried to make them as different as I could despite similar skillsets.Also aside from her first Noble Phantasms she is being "lent" the power of the Great Spirit, which is quite different from her Caster class
Messing with people? Poking fun? Getting under their skin just to get them to react? Playing mind games? Trolling was just the easiest single word I could use for all of those tendencies.also "trolling"?
Thanks for the con-crit, Sherlock. I appreciate it.
Hopefully someone with a better understanding, both of the character and Servant sheets, than me will analyse the sheet. I have a pretty bad memory, which can be quite selective, so Voss and Longinus just got blanked out sorry. As I am a filthy secondary whose not had the time to read the visual novel I wouldn't be able to immediately recall the scene but perhaps I came across as too harsh, you've done a really good job with the character personalities so the sheet is worthy of praise from those more useful than me, although then again Fate is a smut fiction sometimes so I technically was not wrong. My point about visual descriptions was kind of pointless, after all getting the good mechanics down is useful so I was just thinking about what I usually see in a Noble Phantasm.
Last edited by sherlock1110; June 14th, 2017 at 12:31 PM.
These are my Servant and Master sheets I hope you enjoy reading them:
Servant And Master Sheets
No need for self-flagellation, dude. You pointed out a problem, asked some questions, and made some good observations. It's all good. That's why I said thanks.
(…I might as well call this one the “Poor-Man’s Enkidu.”)
(May or may not be a bit wanked.)
(This is probably the longest Servant Sheet I've ever typed out...)
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“For the duration of my existence and the entire Grail War, the very earth you tread on is now under my care. And those who threatens it and its people will know my retribution.”
Source: http://weheartit.com/entry/72106305/explore
Servant Class: Ruler
True Name: Tsagaglalal, She-Who-Watches
Place of Origin: America (Folklore)
Alignment: True Neutral
Attribute: Earth
Alternate Classes: Lancer, Caster
Catalyst: A petroglyph of Tsagaglalal
Likes: Protecting her people
Dislikes: Her people in danger, Potential threats
Talents:StalkingObserving, Assorted survival skills
Natural Enemy: Time, Gilgamesh
Parameters:
Strength - C
Endurance - A
Agility - C
Mana - A
Luck - D
N.
Phantasm - B+
Background
Personal Traits
Craft Essence/Reactions
Skills
Noble Phantasms
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(I did have to make a lot liberties on this Sheet, given it’s a collective of various versions of the same story. Although to be fair, Chinook and Wishram lore are a mish-mash of stories from other tribes given their territory used to be a trading hub for other tribes.)
(Aside from being a trickster, Coyote was surprisingly serious and sometimes somber in most Chinook and Wishram folklore…)
Last edited by SleepMode; June 16th, 2017 at 05:48 PM. Reason: Various typos
The Act of dozing off in the afternoon is a luxury indeed.
Coffee would be nice, though.
[Collection of my Servant Sheets]
Now Revamped!
She-Who-Watches: Excellent. I love the way you write about Coyote in your asides, and it's well developed despite being an amalgam. And I'm glad I'm not the only one who wants to do Native American Servants. I also love how she's creepy without meaning to be.
Any insight on how she'd react to my Loo-wit? Either Caster or Saver, really.
Last edited by EonADS; June 14th, 2017 at 05:27 PM.
So, for the Bellerophon Servant I'd been working on... I'm giving him an NP that's based on the lead spear he used to kill the Chimera. Not so interesting so far, since just about every Bellerophon sheet I've seen has included it...
But one idea I have to help set it apart is, representing how he defeated the Chimera by suffocating it, to give his spear the ability to dissolve into lead dust/gas that he can telekinetically direct, sort of like Byakuya/Rangiku's Bankai from the Bleach manga. Could this be a good idea or am I too much stretching the original legend in the name of attempted originality and wank?
...To be honest, coming up with fitting NPs is a little difficult since the one he's most famous for basically already exists in canon, and another has been done enough different ways I'm not sure how to set mine apart.
Thanks for the feedback.
As for Tsagaglalal's reaction towards Caster!Loo-Wit, it's mostly of confusion and mild interest, as it's likely Loo-Wit will be jealous of the Chief's alien beauty or the fact that she wouldn't adore the goddess. At a personal level, Tsagaglalal would be interested in Loo-Wit's interest in being showered with admiration, as it's a rare sight to see such a self-centered individual. Eventually, the Chief will come to disprove of Loo-Wit's manipulative actions, as they are a threat the the humans surrounding the goddess.
The Saver aspect of Loo-Wit is slightly different. While traits of altruism isn't new to Tsagaglalal, the fact the goddess' words are laced with mischief and humor is somewhat off-putting to her. At times, it's a combination of frustration and puzzlement in trying to guess whether or not the Saver's remarks are truth or jest. Although, her behavior leaves a feeling of familiarity to Tsagaglalal.
The poor Chief needs help, save her.
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In turn, How would Loo-Wit react to the presence of Tsagaglalal? Whichever version works better would do.
And a question to Royd: how would Squanto react to Tsagaglalal?
Last edited by SleepMode; June 14th, 2017 at 07:02 PM.
The Act of dozing off in the afternoon is a luxury indeed.
Coffee would be nice, though.
[Collection of my Servant Sheets]
Now Revamped!
Don't know enough about Native history to say what the cultural differences between them would be, but I imagine Squanto would look up to (or at least respect) her seeing as they both have a "protector of the natural world" thing going on. However, I could see Squanto feeling that Tsagaglalal is overly passive in her dealings with humanity and should have taken active measures to fight against European settlement.
Caster!Loo-wit would probably hate Tsagaglalal's ability to see her for who she is, rather than what her beauty presents. She would lash out at her and refuse to work with her at all, most likely. Also, the fact that she's a Ruler combined with her unique beauty would send Caster totally off the rails with jealousy. As I've said, beware the temper. In all honesty, Tsagaglalal would probably be her worst natural enemy, even more so than Klickitat or Wyeast.
Saver!Loo-wit would instantly be wary of Tsagaglalal, her unique sight and status as a Ruler being why. But, given that she is baffled by Loo-wit's teasing and seems to at least respect her, they'd more or less get along. She'd certainly respect her as an equal, at the very least. Just... I don't think she'd be able to save her. Though she might be able to help her save herself by getting her to realize that she's worth more than her eyes and is more than just a guardian, she's also a person.
If the Chimera was somehow held still while being suffocated then maybe immobilising the victim might work for an NP? Or an attack that focuses on the basic vital functions like breathing, heartbeat etc. Although both of those ideas aren't much better sorry. The lead dust does seem a bit far off but it could just transform into some kind of binding like a rope that could fill the role. Dust or gas is pretty easy for a Servant if it isn't Very Fast Gas Running At Incredible Hihg Speed
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Tsagagalal: I hope I got that name right, interesting Ruler class Servant. One of the qualms I had with Jeanne D'Arc was that the Ruler skills didn't seem to suit her character, outside of explaining them all as "God reveals the Servants name". Although with Watcher's Authority of the Land, her first Noble Phantasm and her other Skills she already seems very powerful. Not to mention that her second Noble Phantasm would be "god-slaying" if the proper conditions are met... I'd be surprised if any Servants broke the rules of the Grail War. Although maybe she might get over-invested in humans which could be a problem. And now to do that thing that seemingly everyone else does but I haven't done yet How do you think she'd react to Jack Merridew? (I know he's not a Native American spirit or anything but there is some theme connection between them... I think, sorry)
Last edited by sherlock1110; June 15th, 2017 at 02:30 AM.
These are my Servant and Master sheets I hope you enjoy reading them:
Servant And Master Sheets