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Thread: Create-A-Servant 2

  1. #9681
    I? I am Ardneh. Funderfullness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Express View Post
    Samael

    A Worm FC always gets a thumbs-up from me. I like how the NP is Asmodeus' name taken literally, I never knew that particular tidbit about him.
    "We don't need martyrs right now. We need heroes. A hero would die for his country, but he'd much rather live for it." -Josiah Bartlet

    I make Servants when I'm bored.

  2. #9682
    吸血鬼 Vampire Shiki-pon's Avatar
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    Rider of the Eternal Storm
    “If I must sail forever, so be it.”



    Servant Class: Rider
    Alternate Classes: N/A
    Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
    Origin: Netherlands, Atlantic Ocean (17th century)
    Armament: Cutlass, Pistols

    Parameters:

    STR: C
    END: A+
    AGI: D
    MANA: B
    LUCK: E
    NP: A

    Skills
    Class Skills

    Magic Resistance - Rank C: Cancel spells with a chant below two verses. Cannot defend against magecraft on the level of High-Thaumaturgy and Greater Rituals.

    Riding - Rank -: The Riding Skill has been lost due to his 'Voyager of the Storm' Skill.

    Personal Skills

    Innocent Monster - Rank A: Due to the influence of his legend, Rider appears as a ghostly, drenched figure.
    Besides the visual effect, this Skill also boosts the effects of Protection from Storms as well as Rider’s Noble Phantasm.


    Protection from Storms - Rank A+: Owing to his legend, Rider is almost immune to most weather-based effects. Wind-, water- and lightning-based attacks have their effectiveness on Rider significantly reduced.
    In addition, should an incoming attack be entirely negated, Rider can reflect the attack back at the attacker.

    Voyager of the Storm - Rank C-: The talent to sail vessels recognized as ships. Because the ability as a group leader is also necessary, this unique Skill also has the effects of both Charisma and Military Tactics.
    Due to Rider’s unsavory nature, all those serving under him receive a rank-down to their Luck parameter.


    Noble Phantasms:

    De Vliegende Hollander:
    The Cursed Ghost Plying the Oceans

    Anti-Unit (Self)/Anti-Army, Rank A+


    A Noble Phantasm inextricably linked to the legendary ghost ship, The Flying Dutchman. By its effect, Rider’s true body, that which holds his spiritual core, is the ship, not its captain. The human body of Willem van der Decken, through which he commonly interacts with the world, is nothing more than a wraith. Manifested as a Servant, however, even this incorporeal figure can interact with the world as though it was tangible. All of Rider’s Skills also apply both to the manifested body as well as the ship.
    When invoking De Vliegende Hollander in full, the ship body must manifest, bringing with it a fierce thunderstorm. The storm itself can damage the spiritual bodies of Servants, and through ‘Protection from Storms’, Willem has some control over it. In addition, all who witness the ship’s appearance, a well-known maritime omen of ill luck, receive a rank-down to their Luck, as well as moderate curse damage for an intermediate duration. The curse manifests as a mental attack comprised of the souls of those lost at sea.


    Description
    Likes: Riches, foul weather
    Dislikes: Mutineers, cowardice
    Talents: Determination, curses
    Natural Enemy: God

    Rider’s true identity is Willem van der Decken, the captain of the ghost ship Flying Dutchman.

    Appearing as a shrouded figure, Willem is dressed in muted colors, wearing a heavy, high-collared coat and a brimmed hat that obscure most of his features. Thanks to the effects of ‘Innocent Monster’, Willem’s body is partly transparent and perpetually drenched with water, masking his form even further.
    He wields a simple, worn cutlass and wears several pistols on his person. Though the pistols are the weapons of a Servant and thus do not require ammunition, it takes a while for each of them to be “reloaded”.

    Willem’s character is unsavory to the core. He is foul-mouthed and acts derisive to those he meets. He does, however, recognize and respect bravery and determination in others, though you couldn’t tell this from his demeanour. Willem particularly enjoys foul weather and the misery it brings to others. He hates God, regarding Him as his enemy, and extends this enmity to those that serve Him.
    Oddly enough, Willem has a strong affinity for curses, and seems to have caused his legendary status by accidentally cursing himself to roam the seas forever. As he has suffered due to the curse, he has strong feelings of sympathy towards those that bearing curses. Despite his personality, Willem might even manage to hold a civil conversation with someone who is likewise under the effects of a curse.
    He possesses a strong desire to obtain anything of value, and will do his literal damnedest to acquire whatever riches he becomes aware of. Naturally, this includes the Holy Grail. For the most part, he cannot sympathize with the goals of others, unless they deal with the acquisition or guarding of wealth.
    His wish to the Holy Grail would, unsurprisingly, be to gain all the wealth in the world.


    Lore
    The legendary captain of the Flying Dutchman, the ship that he sailed right into a storm near the Cape of Good Hope. Originally merely the captain of a merchant vessel, Captain van der Decken was thrust into legend by his decision to brave the storm surrounding the Cape. Unbeknownst to himself, he had some magus blood from a lineage with a talent for curses, and accidentally cursed himself by proclaiming: "May I be eternally damned unless I make it into the Cape, though I should beat about here till the day of judgment."
    His crew perished in the storm, but somehow Willem survived. Now cursed to sail the seas for eternity, he eventually faded into a wraith, and still appears to travelers of the oceans, bringing misfortune and foul weather wherever he goes.


    Notes
    Went with something slightly more unorthodox (or at least intended to do so), faceclaim included. Also don't know if anyone here has made an iteration of this particular Servant before.
    Hopefully there's no glaring errors and suchlike this time.
    Last edited by Shiki-pon; March 9th, 2018 at 03:14 PM.

  3. #9683
    吸血鬼 Vampire Kabalisto Koga's Avatar
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    you have a Quite interesting Profile Shiki-pon !
    When you wake a Dragon in his Lair...





  4. #9684
    lordofvenom venomking's Avatar
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    ok, i relise why they call you alter-me ok, you made the mistake i used to make. don't have over powered noble phantasm, change the NP just an A+ you should try to avoid having an EX noble phantasm, for an oppenent with such good stats so either lower the stats or lower the NP to just A+. and maybe add more to background and personality and it be a good sheet. the actual NP is actually interesting, but it being so over powered makes overwelms the interesting parts of teh noble phanatsm , but other then that its a good sheet. in the future try to avoid an EX Np if at all possible. and change it from anti world to an anti army or anti unit.

  5. #9685
    吸血鬼 Vampire Kabalisto Koga's Avatar
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    Abu-Bakr Malik al-ʿAdil I.
    (Caster)

    Height: 181cm
    Weight: 84~
    kg
    Alignment:
    Lawful Good
    Attribute: Human

    Origin: Armenia/Egypt

    Armament:Kyruk,Niob,Ingram
    Other Qualifying Classes :Saber,Ruler

    Likes: Faithfully Believe,Kaligraphy and painting,His Brother Saladin

    Dislikes: Barbarians,His Brother,

    Talents: Kaligraphy,Painting,Mosquesialic Rites

    Natural enemy: His Brother

    Parameters
    Strength: C++
    Endurance: C-

    Agility:
    B+
    Luck: B

    Mana: C+

    NP:
    A+


    Background

    Abu-Bakr Malik al-ʿAdil I. also known as Saphadin was the Little brother of Saladin and his Ayyubidsuccessor,he and his Brother had a caring but also twisted Relationship,both trained together in Equestrian arts ,sword usage ,Religion and Mosquesialic-Rites ,both helped their father after the death of their Mother whoose last wish was the Bond and pease within the Family, he lead the negotiations with Richard I during the third Crusade.after his Brother died he get the Control ofer the Area Al-Dschazira and after years ws he like his Brother Sultan of Egypt


    Personality
    He is a stoic and wise Ruler who Shows a similar calm Demeanor like Avicebron but plainly lesser misanthropic,he holds similar like his Brother a grudge on the sinfull Believing Brothers of their Religion whoose use their faith as Excuse to make war.He is towards his Master like a advising Mentor or Priest.He loved and despises his Brother and should their ever face against each other they would fight a regretfull ,Fight (similar like Chiron and Achilles fight)


    Skills
    Class skills:
    Ithem Creation:A+
    His speciality is to make defensive seals and scrolls who grants the user the resistence of Magic or other Divine interferences upto Rank B.but he can also create normal daily live objects of his time and can also enhance Weapons weapon upto Nobelphantasm Level C++

    Territorry Creation:A+
    He can recreate his old Palace or just a own Room for his Workshop .

    Personal skills:
    Protectior of the Faith:C+
    This skill have only The who protected the pure (not peace orientated) Usage of Religion,At this Rank he get protection of Curses ,mind Interfering Magecraft and a Bravery skill equivalent B Rank.

    Charisma:C+
    He was known as wise Sultan and his rigthousness although he wasnt so outstanding as his Brothers.

    Mosquesialic-Rites:EX
    Thee Mosquesialic-Rites are could be called the Islamic Counterpart to the christianic rites whose today are called Baptism,although Mosquesialic rites are more varying and wider in their Usage-field as the Baptistic-rites of the christchurch ,like Hassan of the Cursed Arms Protection of the Divine Wind(which he can aso use) is one form of it.Saphadin has reached ist initially Intention the Absolute protection again Divine interference with it he can dispell all weak spells and is even able to weaken strong attacks like Karnas Mana-burst.He can also create Boundet Fields that work in a similar way like Rho Aias.Athough he can be called more a Defensive Sperllcaster as a Offensive "orthodox" Mage he is also able to create Wind attacks,shockwaves and Sand or Fire based attcks.


    Noble Phantasm
    Dagger of Black Wounds

    Ingramm
    Type: Anti-Thaumaturgy
    Rank: A+
    Range:
    Maximum number of targets:

    Description:
    Ingram is one part of Saphadins twin Daggers,it is a black arabian curvedagger,it as like Medeas Curse Breaker the ability to cancel spells but both are also able to overwright the Authority over the spell and is even be able with Niob to steal solid spells based Nobelphantasm like Blood Fort Andromeda,but the true ability of Ingram is that when Saphadin is Injurie himself with Ingram that the wounds became blackhole like Portals with them he can absorb/suck in Attacks but he will get probably Damage during the process.He can sacrifice Ingram o create a Blackhole whoose able to suck any attack or object in,he can Control the Blackhole slightly to spare himself and/or Master from it.

    Dagger of White Wounds

    Niob
    Type: Anti-Thaumaturgy
    Rank: ┴+
    Range:
    Maximum number of targets:

    Description:
    Niob is one part of Saphadins twin Daggers,it is a white arabian curvedagger,it as like Medeas Curse Breaker the ability to cancel spells but both are also able to overwright the Authority over the spell and is even be able with Ingram to steal solid spells based Nobelphantasm like Blood Fort Andromeda,but the true ability of Niob is that when Saphadin is Injurie himself with Niob that the wounds became Whitehole like Portals with them he can let all attacks that where absorbed from Ingram go out but he will get probably Damage during the process.He can sacrifice Niob create a Whitehole whoose able to let all Absorbed Energy and even aditionall Blasts out,he can Control the Whitehole slightly to spare himself and/or Master from it.

    If he sacrifice both Daggers he can open a Portal to hell to summon the Demon sword ibls or to bring forth the Divine flame of Purgatory Gehenna.



    Nominated Seiyu:Takashi Matsuyama

    Ps:Currently Incomplete ,but will be completed in the next two Days !
    Last edited by Kabalisto Koga; March 18th, 2018 at 05:35 PM.
    When you wake a Dragon in his Lair...





  6. #9686
    衛宮 士郎(Emiya Shirou)Ś10th of The Twenty Seven Dead Apostle Ancestor Jack Vile Ripper's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kabalisto Koga View Post
    Abu-Bakr Malik al-ʿAdil I.
    (Caster)

    Height: 181cm
    Weight: 84~
    kg
    Alignment:
    Lawful Good
    Attribute: ?

    Origin: Armenia/Egypt

    Armament:Kyruk,Niob,Ingram
    Other Qualifying Classes :Saber,Ruler

    Likes: Faithfully Believe,Pork(he denies it),Kaligraphy and painting,His Brother Saladin

    Dislikes: Barbarians,His Brother,

    Talents: Kaligraphy,Painting,Mosquesialic Rites

    Natural enemy: His Brother

    Parameters
    Strength: C++
    Endurance: C-

    Agility:
    B+
    Luck: B

    Mana: C+

    NP:
    A+


    Background

    Abu-Bakr Malik al-ʿAdil I. also known as Saphadin was the Little brother of Saladin and his Ayyubidsuccessor,he and his Brother had a caring but also twisted Relationship,both trained together in Equestrian arts ,sword usage ,Religion and Mosquesialic-Rites ,both helped their father after the death of their Mother whoose last wish was the Bond and pease within the Family, he lead the negotiations with Richard I during the third Crusade.after his Brother died he get the Control ofer the Area Al-Dschazira and after years ws he like his Brother Sultan of Egypt


    [SPOILER=Personality]He is a stoic and wise Ruler who Shows a similar calm Demeanor like Avicebron but plainly lesser misanthropic,he holds similar like his Brother a grudge on the sinfull Believing Brothers of their Religion whoose use their faith as Excuse to make war.He is towards his Master like a advising Mentor or Priest.He loved and despises his Brother and should their ever face against each other they would fight a regretfull ,Fight (similar like Chiron and Achilles fight)SPOILER]

    Skills
    Class skills:
    Ithem Creation:A+
    His speciality is to make defensive seals and scrolls who grants the user the resistence of Magic or other Divine interferences upto Rank B.but he can also create normal daily live objects of his time and can also enhance Weapons weapon upto Huogu Level C++

    Territorry Creation:A+
    He can recreate his old Palace or just a own Room for his Workshop .

    Personal skills:



    Noble Phantasm
    Sword of Black Wounds

    Ingramm
    Type:
    Rank: A+
    Range:
    Maximum number of targets:

    Description:

    Sword of White Wounds

    Niob
    Type:
    Rank: ┴+
    Range:
    Maximum number of targets:

    Description:






    Ps:Currently Incomplete ,but will be completed in the next two Days !
    I don't think it's wise to put Pork in one of his favourite things. It could be disrespectful if he's a Muslim.

  7. #9687
    Muridnya Sableng, Gurunya Gendeng 34's Avatar
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    ....
    ....
    Absolutely Haraam
    Quote Originally Posted by Rafflesiac View Post
    I hoped they wouldn't feature because not once have I liked Fate's take on ANCIENT ALIENS. It's stupid for beings from humanity's myth and history to be the result of ANCIENT ALIENS all along, even insulting to an extent. Velbers are bad, Alien Trees are bad, Foreigners are bad, stick with humans relating to humans please Nasu.
    Quote Originally Posted by TheSeaDragon View Post
    Nasu was always a pen name. It was Georgio Tsoukalos all along

  8. #9688
    死徒 Dead Apostle King of Padoru's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kabalisto Koga View Post
    Abu-Bakr Malik al-ʿAdil I.
    (Caster)

    Height: 181cm
    Weight: 84~
    kg
    Alignment:
    Lawful Good
    Attribute: ?

    Origin: Armenia/Egypt

    Armament:Kyruk,Niob,Ingram
    Other Qualifying Classes :Saber,Ruler

    Likes: Faithfully Believe,Pork(he denies it),Kaligraphy and painting,His Brother Saladin

    Dislikes: Barbarians,His Brother,

    Talents: Kaligraphy,Painting,Mosquesialic Rites

    Natural enemy: His Brother

    Parameters
    Strength: C++
    Endurance: C-

    Agility:
    B+
    Luck: B

    Mana: C+

    NP:
    A+


    Background

    Abu-Bakr Malik al-ʿAdil I. also known as Saphadin was the Little brother of Saladin and his Ayyubidsuccessor,he and his Brother had a caring but also twisted Relationship,both trained together in Equestrian arts ,sword usage ,Religion and Mosquesialic-Rites ,both helped their father after the death of their Mother whoose last wish was the Bond and pease within the Family, he lead the negotiations with Richard I during the third Crusade.after his Brother died he get the Control ofer the Area Al-Dschazira and after years ws he like his Brother Sultan of Egypt


    [SPOILER=Personality]He is a stoic and wise Ruler who Shows a similar calm Demeanor like Avicebron but plainly lesser misanthropic,he holds similar like his Brother a grudge on the sinfull Believing Brothers of their Religion whoose use their faith as Excuse to make war.He is towards his Master like a advising Mentor or Priest.He loved and despises his Brother and should their ever face against each other they would fight a regretfull ,Fight (similar like Chiron and Achilles fight)SPOILER]

    Skills
    Class skills:
    Ithem Creation:A+
    His speciality is to make defensive seals and scrolls who grants the user the resistence of Magic or other Divine interferences upto Rank B.but he can also create normal daily live objects of his time and can also enhance Weapons weapon upto Huogu Level C++

    Territorry Creation:A+
    He can recreate his old Palace or just a own Room for his Workshop .

    Personal skills:



    Noble Phantasm
    Sword of Black Wounds

    Ingramm
    Type:
    Rank: A+
    Range:
    Maximum number of targets:

    Description:

    Sword of White Wounds

    Niob
    Type:
    Rank: ┴+
    Range:
    Maximum number of targets:

    Description:






    Ps:Currently Incomplete ,but will be completed in the next two Days !
    Good to see you're using the model I sent you. Like Jack said, making him like pork can be disrespectful.
    If you don't know what attribute he should have, write Human, as he doesn't have blood from a god or mystical creature

  9. #9689
    吸血鬼 Vampire Kabalisto Koga's Avatar
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    Now is my Profile almost finalized !

    What do you think,Mina-san !
    Last edited by Kabalisto Koga; March 10th, 2018 at 12:19 PM.
    When you wake a Dragon in his Lair...





  10. #9690
    1. 2. 3. 4. We are cells at work! RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kabalisto Koga View Post
    Now is my Profile almost finalized !

    What do you think,Mina-san !
    The NPs are interesting, but what do they have to do with Al-Adil's real legend or history? I admittedly don't know much about the guy, but a quick search doesn't find anything on twin named daggers associated with him...

  11. #9691
    死徒 Dead Apostle King of Padoru's Avatar
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    And what's with the "Nominated seiyuu" thing? I mean, put it if you want, but it isn't really important

  12. #9692
    吸血鬼 Vampire Kabalisto Koga's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by King of Padoru View Post
    And what's with the "Nominated seiyuu" thing? I mean, put it if you want, but it isn't really important
    And what do you say to the rest ?
    When you wake a Dragon in his Lair...





  13. #9693
    死徒 Dead Apostle King of Padoru's Avatar
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    Same as Royd, I don't see a valid explanation to his NPs

  14. #9694
    Dead Apostle Eater Historia's Avatar
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    What's with everyone and + / - modifiers when a sheet doesn't warrant them.

  15. #9695
    吸血鬼 Vampire Kabalisto Koga's Avatar
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    This two Hougu should demonstrate his selfsacrifying faith ,also it is based on his honorific title Sayf ad-Din ("Sword of Faith")┤which is the root of his Name Saphadin.
    When you wake a Dragon in his Lair...





  16. #9696
    吸血鬼 Vampire Shiki-pon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kabalisto Koga View Post
    This two Hougu should demonstrate his selfsacrifying faith ,also it is based on his honorific title Sayf ad-Din ("Sword of Faith")┤which is the root of his Name Saphadin.
    Wouldn't it make sense for them to be one thing and for said single NP to be a sword, then, not a dagger? I also share Gally's opinion on the random + -modifiers.
    I'd also like to complain about the 3rd skill, Mosquesialic-Rites. Seeing as Islam is a different religion than Christianity, and thus doesn't share its rites, shouldn't you have expended at least some effort (like the 30 seconds it took for me to do a quick Wikipedia search)? I'd suggest taking a look at the Five Pillars of Islam and working from there... Also, why the hell is the skill (whatever it is) EX-ranked? Did he invent the whole thing or something?

  17. #9697
    Quote Originally Posted by Gally View Post
    What's with everyone and + / - modifiers when a sheet doesn't warrant them.
    They don't actually know how modifiers work, so they put them in because they've seen others do it and think it's cool.

  18. #9698
    1. 2. 3. 4. We are cells at work! RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kabalisto Koga View Post
    This two Hougu should demonstrate his selfsacrifying faith ,also it is based on his honorific title Sayf ad-Din ("Sword of Faith")┤which is the root of his Name Saphadin.
    How do you go from self-sacrificing faith to creating micro black holes? Seems like a bit of a leap.

  19. #9699
    吸血鬼 Vampire Shiki-pon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RoydGolden View Post
    How do you go from self-sacrificing faith to creating micro black holes? Seems like a bit of a leap.
    If I had to assume, its because Amakusa Shirou could make a black hole. And if Shirou could do it, why not all loosely religious people?

  20. #9700
    死徒 Dead Apostle King of Padoru's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shiki-pon View Post
    shouldn't you have expended at least some effort (like the 30 seconds it took for me to do a quick Wikipedia search)?
    I think it's the main problem you have, Koga. It's okay to give your characters your personal touch, but in my opinion, you rely too much on that rather than on the character's lore and give them powers totally unrelated or excessively strong

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